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NASA Scientists Confirm Earth Dating

The Moon
Wednesday 10:30AM • SEE MORE: VOL 56 ISSUE 38

WASHINGTON—Following years of speculation by the world’s foremost astronomers, the

National Aeronautics and Space Administration confirmed Monday that the Earth is dating the
Moon. “The two have been seen together regularly for the past 4.5 billion years, and we have
now learned that Earth and its Moon are indeed in a committed relationship,” said NASA
administrator Jim Bridenstine, adding that while the pair of astronomical objects first met
shortly after the solar system coalesced and were good friends through much of the
Precambrian era, they didn’t begin dating exclusively until this spring. “It’s a long-distance
relationship as the couple are at times a full 252,088 miles apart from each other, but neither
one seems likely to leave the other anytime soon. We have every reason to believe there is a
strong physical attraction between these two celestial bodies.” At press time, the Moon had
reportedly broken up with Earth after discovering the planet had 7.8 billion children who were
completely sucking the life out of it.

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