Marriage is outdated and needs to be redefined

“Will you marry me?” Isn’t it the question that so many people expect to ask or answer
while starting new relationships? Or it was in that way some time ago if you ask me.
Groucho Marx once said, “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an
institution?” We seem to focus much more on the symbolic value of marriage than real
life value and potential to improve people’s happiness and well-being. In my opinion,
marriage has become antiquated the way it is and the way we know it and I think many
other peoples actually thinks the same. Surely, it doesn’t mean that marriage as an
institution doesn’t work anymore for anyone. Rather, it’s time for us to come to terms with
the fact that our society has changed a lot and marriage did, as well. Times changed,
peoples as well.
The history of the concept of marriage in human society has been transforming
alongside social and cultural environment over hundreds of years. In fact, the history of
marriage is closely connected to the history of the family (Everitt, 2012). However, while
the family can exist without marriage or matrimony, marriage is an institution rather than
a step in family development. And for other side we have the main stereotype of
marriage, the one we just we are used to watch on kids movies when we are growing up.
Over the years, the concept of marriage has become synonymous with the concept of
family and associated with the same values, such as partnership, support, and security.
That being said, the family remains a building block of the society and inseparable part
of human life, while marriage, from my perspective, can hardly be considered a “one size
fits all” solution anymore because nothing is the same anymore.

Today, the role of marriage is changing rapidly because society is redefining

values and transforming views about various aspects of life. Being married used
to mean being more successful, financially stable, and reliable. In my opinion, a
lot of stereotypes about marriage derive from religion and church promoting
marriage as “divine matrimony.” All six major religions promote and support
marriage, while religious people are more likely to get married than nonreligious
(Gordon, 2018). From my point of view, this finding suggests that people seek not
to fulfil their own needs and achieve happiness but to conform to society’s
expectations. In addition, if people get divorced, they are still scorned upon
(Wygant, 2017). Thus, the institution of marriage can ultimately result in pressure
that pushes people to compromise their own happiness in order to avoid being
judged for their life choices. Also I want to include my female thinking, I certainly
noticed many females like me, we want to be successful by ourselves. We think
we do not need a partner with an already life made ready to be shared. We can
built our own happy future.

Finally, it is important to note that people pursue marriage chasing the elusive
values that are found to be not true, such as happiness, health benefits, and the
“happily ever after.” Indeed, happy marriage can provide a lot of benefits, such as
social and emotional support, financial resource boost, and social control, but so
does happy cohabitation (Perelli-Harris et al., 2018). Marriage also isn’t found to
be associated with better health and healthier BMI (Mata, Richter, Schneider, &
Hertwig, 2018). In my opinion, the most crucial aspect to note is that half of all
marriages end up in divorce and even more marriages turn out to be unhappy
over the years (Kennedy & Ruggles, 2014). This finding means that people aren’t
content with their choice of partner and suffer from it. In addition, divorce causes
severe stress, which detracts from people’s ability to live a fulfilling life. On the
contrary, making a decision to stay in a bad marriage means living in torture and
compromising one’s own well-being to avoid social stigma around divorce and
being single. Therefore, the concept of marriage can no longer qualify as a valid
solution for everyone. Our society has changed drastically and it’s time to
promote and support freedom in intimate relationships because there is more
than one way to build a happy family.

In conclusion, I would like to note that marriage doesn’t mean what it used to mean even
two decades ago. While we know that no relationship can be perfect, we also need to
realize that marriage isn’t the ultimate recipe for happiness. In my opinion, our society
needs to redefine marriage and encourage everyone to decide who they are and what
kind of relationship works for them. I want to add the fact I am not showing a negative
desire by rejecting the old stereotype, I am saying if anyone still want to keep that
thinking it is ok for that person but we cannot keep ignoring the fact times just changed
already and we have normalized it.
Everitt, L. (2012, March 14). Ten key moments in the history of
marriage. BBC.  Retrieved from: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17351133

Gordon, A. (2018). Marriage, Religion, and Women’s Happiness. Retrieved

from: https://digitalworks.union.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?
article=1626&context=theses

Wygant, D. (2017, March 17). Is Marriage an outdated Tradition? Huffington

Post.  Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/is-marriage-an-outdated-
tradition_b_58cc2d58e4b0e0d348b342ed

Perelli-Harris, B., Hoherz, S., Addo, F., Lappegård, T., Evans, A., Sassler, S., &
Styrc, M. (2018). Do Marriage and Cohabitation Provide Benefits to Health in Mid-
Life? The Role of Childhood Selection Mechanisms and Partnership
Characteristics Across Countries. Population Research and Policy Review, 1-26.

Kennedy, S., & Ruggles, S. (2014). Breaking up is hard to count: The rise of
divorce in the United States, 1980–2010. Demography, 51(2), 587-598.

Mata, J., Richter, D., Schneider, T., & Hertwig, R. (2018). How cohabitation,
marriage, separation, and divorce influence BMI: A prospective panel study.
Health Psychology, 37(10), 948.