I interviewed my friend Sana Mansoor Syed, mostly because she is one of the most political,

educated, strong women I know. She is here in the United States on a work Visa, and very

outspoken about her feelings regarding our current POTUS and her fear of traveling under his

regime. Sana has citizenship from Pakistan, and grew up in the United Arab Emirates. She calls

herself a ‘third culture kid,’ having selected her favorite things from the various cultures she has

experiences in her life and meshing it into who she is today. Sana defines culture as a

combination of values, beliefs, customs and experiences ingrained in a person which impacts

their perspectives, which reflects her level of intellect having cited that alarming accurately to a

text book definition. She asked me to warn you she lacks filter, and has an authentic snarky tone,

I told her you could handle her sass.

Sana grew up with her nuclear family, which “consists of a husband, his wife, their children, real

or adopted and may also include the husbands or wife’s parents” (Front Cover. P4 1985). Sana’s

father was the patriarch of the family; however, her mother was not the norm as she was

educated and a financial contributor to the family. Her mother was educated and a financial

contributor; which in Pakistan is the exception as women adult literacy rate is 35.40/59%

1999/2000 (United States, Pakistan p2).

Sanas’s younger sister was born in Canada, so she and her sister learned French as part of their

education curriculum in addition to their home language of Urdu. “Urdu is one of the New Indo-

Aryan languages. It developed as a contact language between Muslim rulers, traders, religious

men, and the local population after the Muslim invasion of India.  Urdu literature shows

synthesis between the Islamic and Indian cultural traditions and represents the composite culture

of multilingual India (Encyclopedia of Language & Linguistics. Elsevier, 2006). Sana and I have
been friends over five years, and I never knew the name of her native language, but I have

always loved listening to her talk to her sister, foreign languages are beautiful, and personal.

Sana is the kind of person who speaks with force and passion, her face showing all emotions.

She hopes one day to teach her children Urdu, but worries it will be quite the challenge as her

partner does not speak her native language.

Sana loves being in the United States and engaged to a very bearded young man from

Bremerton, WA. They are complete opposites in where they grew up, their family structures, and

their introvert (him), extrovert (her) natures, but together the room lights up. They share an only

four-legged puppy, Luna the Pitbull. She is, the absolute center of their world. As Sana and I got

into why she loves being in the United States, her rebellion surfaced.

Part of the reason she loves being in the United States is her ability to be an individual, at present

her long black beautiful hair is died purple. Her dad, having hoped for a more traditional

outcome, put Sana through many years of college, only to be disappointed that she is a strong

independent woman, approaching 30, and still no kids. In United Arab Emirates, fathers to send

their daughters to college but prefer the daughters to concentrate on raising children so many do

not go onto full time jobs (United States, UAE p4). For Sana her life in the U.S. is based on her

chosen family, endless possibilities, and freedom to be who she wants to be, but she is afraid of

her future in the United States under our current President. She is engaged, but doesn’t want to

marry for fear the government will see her marriage as a sham, when they have been together

longer than Trump has been in office.

Sana has experienced discrimination in many forms in her life. She said the United States has put

her in a box, she is hard skinned and chose IT as her career field, for those reasons she finds
herself consistently judged, and stereotyped, people assume she cannot speak English. She said

she has even experienced discrimination and judgement in her home country when her and her

fiancé went back recently to meet her other family, they disapproved of her being with a

Caucasian man. She found it challenging to be in her home, with the love of her life, but not

being able to show affection there, the way she can in the United States. She said being a multi-

racial couple never really bothered her, until it did, but refuses to let it impact her relationship or

its outcome. She laughed as she shared she hopes Trump is “dethroned” by the time they say

their vows on March 14th, 2020, yes, that’s right they are getting married on Pie on purpose.

As we started wrapping up the interview Sana smiled, an impish smile, and said you know I get

two Christmas’ right? I assume she felt need to poke at this with the impending holidays coming

up, she gets to celebrate Eid Al Fitr in May which she calls Muslim Christmas, and her husband

to be and puppy spoil her on our Jolly Christmas. Her plans for Christmas are to cook up some of

her favorite dishes, biryani, nihari, haleem, halwa puri, kulfi and chai. She is an incredible cook!

She is probably the only reason I have any idea how amazing food is from her country, I don’t

know that I would have sought it out on my own, but when it shows up every year at

Friendsgiving, I am the first to jump in. Below is a picture of Miss Sana, living the American

dream having bought her first house alone last year.

 Resources

Dua, H. "Urdu." Encyclopedia of Language & Linguistics. Elsevier, 2006. 269-75. Web.

Front Cover. (1985). In Proceedings of the Sixteenth International Conference of the Pan Pacific

and Southeast Asia Women's Association. Tokyo Metropolis: Pan Pacific and Southeast Asia

Women's Association. Retrieved from Women and Social Movements, International database. 

United States. Bureau of International Labor Affairs., United States. Embassy (United Arab

Emirates). United Arab Emirates. [Washington, D.C.]: U.S. Dept. of Labor, Bureau of

International Labor Affairs .

United States. Bureau of International Labor Affairs., United States. Embassy

(Pakistan). Pakistan. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Dept. of Labor, Bureau of International Labor

Affairs .
 Appendix

1. What is your definition of “culture?” A combination of values, beliefs, customs and

experiences ingrained in a person which impacts their perspectives.

2. What is your cultural and/or ethnic background? South Asian/Middle Eastern

combination. I'm what would be considered a 'third culture kid', having picked my favorite

values from the multiple cultures I've lived in.

3. How do you define “family?” A structure you are locked into/forced to commit to. The

concept of 'chosen family' doesn't exist where I come from. Honoring familial ties,

respecting your elders and blindly obeying orders is more important than an individual's

feelings.

4. What is your family structure? Nuclear

5. Did you ever live with your grandparents or extended family? Lived with my

grandparents when I was 2, then moved out of the country with my immediate family.

6. Who holds the most “status” in your family?  Why? My parents, specifically my father.

He is the head of the family (patriarchal society)

7. What is the primary language spoken in your family? Any foreign language

speakers? Urdu. All of us speak English, and my sister and I speak French

8. How important is education in your family? Extremely important

9. What is the most important meal of the day? Dinner, because it is the only time the

family would congregate and eat together 

10. Do you have any eating habits/rituals that are specific to your culture? We often eat with

our hands, specifically the right hand. Salads aren't really part of our cuisine, so I hate

salad with a passion.

11. Do you eat foods that are indigenous to your culture?  Why or why not?  If you answered

yes, name some of the foods that you eat.  If you answered no, what types of foods do you

eat? Yes, because they're delicious! I love biryani, nihari, haleem, halwa puri, kulfi and

chai

12. If you are from a culture that speaks English as a second language, do you speak your

native language?  If not, why?  If so, will you teach your native language to any children

you have? I do speak my native language. I would attempt to teach my children but

anticipate it to be challenging as my partner does not speak my native language.

13. What are your holidays and traditions? The big Muslim holidays are Eid Al Adha and Eid

Al Fitr. Fasting during the month of Ramadan is a religious tradition.

14. Define and describe the most important (or most celebrated) holiday of your culture. Eid

Al Fitr, which I often call Muslim Christmas. It celebrates the end of a month of fasting, so

people dress up in brand new clothes, visit friends and family and eat a ton of food. The

last part is probably why it's my favorite.

15. What kind of government system do they have in your country of origin? I was born in

Pakistan but grew up in the UAE so I'll answer for both. UAE is a monarchy. Pakistan is

considered an Islamic Republic.

16. What kind of health care system do you have in your country of origin? UAE/Pakistan:

Both public and private. 

17. What kind of fashion, such as clothes, etc. do people wear? UAE: very similar to the US,

but a bit more conservative. Abayas for women and thoubs for men (the Arab white dress)

is common. Pakistan: Shalwar kameez, saris, modern western clothing. Generally

conservative clothing in both countries.

18. What kind of economic system does your country have? UAE: too much money for their

own good. Pakistan: is bribery/corruption an economic system? I guess it'd be capitalism

in both countries.

19. What are the primary industries? How do people make a living? UAE: tourism,

hospitality, oil, construction. Pakistan: textile manufacturing, agriculture...is terrorism an

industry?

20. How do people spend their leisure time? Sports? Movies, etc.? Wandering around

shopping malls, going to the movies, restaurants, hookah

21. Are the roles of men and women specifically defined in your family?  If so, what are

they? Not really, but my family is more the exception rather than the norm. Since my

mother is an educated working woman, both my parents have always emphasized

education and career ambition for myself and my sister (although the women are still

expected to be wives above all else).

22. Do you consider your parents to be successful? In a material sense, yes. They have/had

great jobs, make a lot of money, have been able to provide financial stability for their

children, etc. In an emotional sense, not so much. 

23. Is punctuality important to you?  Why or why not? Yes, as it demonstrates respect

towards other people and their time.

24. How is physical contact viewed in your culture? Perfectly acceptable as long as it is with

the same gender (men rubbing noses/holding hands, etc.). With the opposite gender, not so

much - even if you're married, couples don't often have physical displays of affection.

25. What would you say is, from your perspective, the most commonly held misconception

about people of your culture? Everyone in Dubai (UAE) is rich, or everyone in Pakistan is

 poor. People also believe terrorism or religious extremism is a lot more prevalent than it is,

or women have much fewer rights than they actually do.

26. What is the best thing about living in the USA? Individualism. Not having to worry about

what other people might think or say about you. Putting yourself first is not something

taboo. You can be your own person and find others like you.

27. What is the worst thing about living in the USA? The biases/racism/prejudice that is

deeply ingrained within people that think they're generally pretty 'woke'. The current

political climate is pretty rough too.

28. Have you been discriminated against? Yes. Hard to prove but it has happened in the

workplace multiple times.

29. Have you ever experienced racism? In what form? Yes. People assuming I don't speak

English or that I wouldn't know about certain things. People always impressed that I don't

have an accent. Microaggressions that are not offensive on their own but start to become

extremely frustrating when people belittle 'your kind'.

30. Have you ever felt excluded based on your gender or culture? Yes, including in my own

country/culture.