Subject Hostile, Proceed with Caution

emiv
Summary:
Bruce preps the boys for an upcoming mission. (Post-TLYS)

Notes:
This is set roughly six months after the end of The Longer You Stay.
Work Text:

“We should have code names,” Dick said.

Bruce shook his head. He was ignored.

“Yes,” Jason said, turning to Dick. “We should totally have codes names.” On the floor beside him,
Tim nodded in agreement. Bruce sighed. 

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” Jason said, looking up at him from across the coffee table. “Code names would
be badass.” Bruce leveled a look at him. “Cool,” Jason corrected, rolling his eyes. “They’d be cool.” 

“And official,” Dick added. Bruce could hear the excitement building in his voice. “They would
make this whole mission more official.”

“Definitely,” Jason agreed. “Much more official.”

“They’re unnecessary,” Bruce tried to explain, but neither Dick nor Jason seemed to hear him, too
busy rattling off absurd names for each other. Next to them, Tim focused back on his coloring book,
pausing now and then to add quiet suggestions of his own.

Bruce leaned back into the couch. He knew keeping the boys focused on a single subject for more
than twelve seconds was a long shot, but this was ridiculous. With each passing minute, the battling
voices of the two older boys grew louder and louder until it was all nothing but a jumbled blur of
noise.

A loud jumbled blur of noise, Bruce thought. At this rate, they would be heard clear across the house.
He sighed.

So much for discretion.

He should have held this meeting outside. They’d still not mastered the art of stealth.

They were also drifting off topic.

Bruce cleared his throat.

“Focus.” At the sound of his voice, the boys quieted down. All three sat on the floor across from the
family room couch, their legs folded and bent, contorted in positions Bruce was certain his own body
couldn't manage anymore. “Let’s run through your assignments one more time,” Bruce continued,
keeping his voice low. “Dick?”

“Hold down the fort. Man the phone. Call for reinforcements,” Dick replied with practiced ease.

“Jason?”

“Secure emergency travel supplies. Transfer them to the vehicle,” Jason said, lazily tracing the grain
of the coffee table with his finger. Bruce nodded.

“Correct. Tim?”

“Stay in plain sight at all times,” Tim replied, looking up from his coloring, a satisfied smile on his
face.

“Excellent,” Bruce said. “And, above all, absolutely no...?”

“Roughhousing,” all three boys echoed in unison.

“Good,” Bruce said. He turned back to Dick. “In our absence, what is the chain of command?”

“I’m in charge until Alfred gets here,” Dick said, sitting up a bit straighter, his shoulders squared.
Bruce nodded.

“Jason?”

“Dick is in charge until Alfred gets here,” Jason replied, still slouched over the table. After a second,
he perked up, his eyes dancing with mischief. “Do I get to be in charge of Tim?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Dick scoffed.

“Because you’ll make him your minion,” the older boy replied. Jason shrugged.

“You have to admit, he’d be good at it.”

Beside Jason, Tim huffed, looking up at Bruce. Bruce took a slow, steady breath, closing his eyes.
“No enslaving,” he said, feeling the beginning pricks of a headache coming on. He opened his eyes
and leveled a stern look at Dick and Jason. “No fighting, no roughhousing,” he continued. He tilted
his head toward Tim. “No hiding,” he added. “Any questions?”

“I have one,” chimed in a voice from the hall. “What exactly is going on in my family room?”

All four heads turned. Across the room, Selina stood, arms folded across her chest, sharp eyes
appraising them.

Jason was quicker on the draw than the rest.

“Nothing,” he said sweetly. Bruce held back a scoff. Sweet never worked for Jason. Bruce watched
Selina’s eyes narrow. She turned, shooting a questioning look at Dick. The fact that Dick was, for
once, not grinning back, was a dead giveaway. After a few seconds, he spoke.

“We’re being briefed.”

Selina raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Bruce.

Forget stealth; first they were going to have to work on not cracking under mild pressure.

He made a mental note.

“Briefed?” Selina asked. “On? ” 

“Upcoming mission,” Jason replied. Sweet might not have been his thing, but when it came to
misdirection, Jason was a natural. “Don’t worry, S, it’s totally under control.”

“Mission?” Selina said slowly, taking another step into the room. She turned to Tim. “What kind of
mission?” she asked. Her voice was cloying and innocent and completely artificial.

If the boys weren’t unsettled by it, Bruce thought, then they really should be.

He certainly was.

“A secret one,” Dick supplied. Bruce shook his head.

This was going south fast.

“A secret, huh?” Selina asked, still focused on Tim.

“Um...” the boy began, his brow furrowed.

“Yes, Tim?” Selina asked.

Tim looked to Bruce. Bruce nodded.

“It’s for when you and Bruce have to go to the hospital,” Tim answered. As soon as the words left his
lips, he let out a little sigh. Bruce shook his head.

So much for covert.

“I see,” Selina replied. Bruce could feel her eyes on him. He glanced up. Even narrow and glaring,
they were a lovely shade of brown. “We talked about this,” she told him.

“It doesn't hurt to be prepared,” Bruce replied.

“This isn’t prepared. This is overkill.”

Bruce shrugged. Selina shook her head.

“OK,” she said louder, turning back to the boys. “Everyone listen and listen carefully.” She spoke
slow, her gaze traveling over each of them in turn. “We do not need an elaborate plan for this.”

“But—” Dick began.

“No,” Selina cut him off. “It’s simple. When the time comes, we go. You stay, listen to Alfred and
try not to kill each other. Got it?”

No one answered.

“Got it?”   

“Uh-huh,” said Dick.

“Yes,” Tim added.

“Loud and clear, boss lady.”

“Good,” Selina said, turning to Bruce again. He smiled back. She did not appear amused. “This is not
complicated,” she told him. “Don’t make this complicated.”

“Understood,” Bruce replied. “Go rest, sweetheart.”

His very beautiful, extremely pregnant wife glared back at him.

“It’s not complicated,” Selina repeated, shaking her head as she left the room. Dick opened his mouth
to speak, but Bruce raised a hand, stopping him. Bruce cocked his head, listening for the sound of her
footsteps on the stairs before turning back and leaning across the table. He motioned the boys closer.
They leaned in, their eyes bright.
“Be advised,” Bruce told them, keeping his voice low. “In this state, our subject is hostile and
unpredictable. Proceed with caution.”

“I heard that,” came Selina’s voice from upstairs.

Caution, Bruce repeated silently, mouthing the word. All three boys nodded in agreement. 
“Yeah,” Dick whispered, shaking his head. “We definitely need code names.”