Intimacy is often defined as arising from a close acquaintance, association,

or familiarity. This definition would definitely describe the relationship I have

with my sister, Catherine. We share just about everything that goes on in our
lives and know each other like the back of our hands. We are so close, in fact,
that rarely do we hear what another is feeling before we already know. We can tell
each other's mood by the body language we are using. I plan to give a brief
summary of this relationship and the intimacy involved in it.
There are many possible reasons why some people are attracted to each other
and form relationships. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks,
intellectual stimulation, things in common, and differences. My sister and I
developed our relationship differently than the way you would with someone who you
just randomly meet on the street. We shared common parents, household, schedules,
and heritage. Therefore, we were naturally inclined to develop some sort of
relationship and intimacy. If we hadn't, our living conditions would have become
understandably tenuous.
The development of relationships and intimacy has some very definitive steps. The
first step is initiating which is making contact with the other person and showing
that you are the kind of person worth talking to. Our relationship was initiated
as soon as I was brought into this world and facilitated by the fact that we were
brother and sister. The next step is experimenting which is deciding whether we
want to pursue a relationship further by using small talk and the like. Since I
was unable to talk at the time, my sister and I dismissed this step. Next comes
the step of intensifying when the expression of feelings become more common. This
came quite naturally to the two of us. People were always asking my sister to show
how much she loved me which often led to hugs, kisses, hand holding, and other
common expressions of love people often demonstrate in a sibling relationship. The
next step is integrating which is when we give up characteristics of our old selves
and become different people. This has not happened to me because this relationship
has always been with me. My sister was not always a sister and definitely changed
when I became her brother. Bonding is the next step which is when the parties make
symbolic public gestures to show the world that a relationship exists. My sister
and I have always been very public about our relationship. Next is the
differentiating stage where the parties separate somewhat. We are always going
through this at this point in our relationship. One day we can be the best of
friends and the next day we can be mortal enemies. Circumscribing comes next and
is when the level of communication decreases in quantity and quality. Again, this
seems to come and go in our relationship. The stagnating stage is when the
relationship becomes overly familiar and loses the feeling. We have not hit this.
We can always find a new way to keep the relationship exciting. Avoiding is the
stage in which the parties create distance between one another. We have not
reached this stage either. We are still as close as we have ever been, if not
closer. The final stage is terminating which is when the relationship is declared
over. This has not been reached in my relationship. These stages do not have to
be in this order necessarily and some can be skipped altogether. My sister and I
developed our relationship out of necessity. Brothers and sisters often do this
because they share so much in common. Our relationship is sometimes good and
sometimes bad, but it is always solid. It could stand to be a little more positive
on both sides at some points. We share an intellectual and emotional intimacy that
most siblings do. The commonality between the two of us facilitates this.
Relational development and maintenance have some very distinct characteristics.
First, not all relationships move through all ten steps. This has definitely been
the case in my relationship. My sister and I did not have to go through the
initiating stage that most people do, nor have we avoided each other. Intimacy is
not the only goal of relationships. Even though my relationship involved some
intimacy this is not always the reason we are there. Sometimes it is just to reach
a common goal. Movement occurs within stages. Our relationship has definitely
progressed through stages even though sometimes they become blurred. My sister and
I experienced the integrating and intensifying stage at one point and I suspect
they occurred around the same time although two definitive steps. Movement between
steps is generally sequential. My relationship has definitely had a pattern of
development to it. Relationships are constantly changing. Even though we have a
solid relationship, my sister and I definitely have our ups and downs. Movement is
always to a new place. We are always trying out new ways of behaving towards each
other and this makes movement mandatory. Sometimes we even go back a step or two
before we return to the point we were before.
The relationship my sister and I share involves a high level of self-disclosure.
We are always intentionally revealing information to one another that is important
and would not always be known. Our breadth is wide as we can discuss anything from
sex to politics. The depth is great because we do not pull any punches. When we
are discussing something we are as personal as you can get. Neither of us hides
much and when one does it is easily caught by the other. Our conversations often
include facts, opinions, and feelings. Lying does not come across good and it is
rarely attempted by either of us. There are many reasons for this self-disclosure
but it is mainly "just to get it off of our chest" or catharsis.
A brother-sister relationship is definitely a unique one as evidenced here.
Although it can reach some of the later and nastier stages, I don't see this as
being the case in our relationship.