Idioma Inglés IV – 2013

Workshop on essay 1/1

Read the sample paragraph and answer the questions below:

1- Does the topic sentence anticipate all the ideas developed in the paragraph? Are any of
the ideas announced not developed later? Are any of the ideas developed not
anticipated?
2- Are the ideas announced in the topic sentence reintroduced into the paragraph and
taken up in the order in which they were announced?
3- Is there a clear internal pattern of organization for each of the ideas developed in the
paragraph (i.e. announcement of idea + evidence + discussion)?
4- Are all the ideas supported by plenty of evidence (have they been fully illustrated)? Is
the evidence chosen the best available?
5- Does the author use any quotations from the story? Are the quotations chosen
revealing, significant, effective? Are the quotations suitably introduced and included in
projected clauses?
6- Is the evidence sufficiently and effectively discussed?
7- Is there a rounding off for the whole paragraph (and not just for the last point
developed)?

Sample paragraph

Ling was determined to share her experience and made a huge effort to tell her distressing
anecdote to her interested and helpful audience. Though she was usually very quiet and her
English was not fluent, the sympathy her classmates and teacher showed made her feel
comfortable enough to narrate a moving story from her homeland. One day, while her English
classmates were chatting, Ling felt an unusual urgency to speak. As she was often exhausted
from the very hard work she did every day, she did not participate actively in class. As a result
of this, she had been unable to catch up with her classmates and her English was less fluent
than theirs. It must have been a strain for Ling to narrate her story not only due to the nature
of the story, but also because of the difficulties she had with the language. Words seemed to
escape her, as her ‘English was very slow’. She struggled to make sense by gesturing when she
could not find the proper words, and she would also stop now and then to gather the phrases
she wanted to produce. ‘There were drops coming from her eyes, a single tear down each side
of her nose’. Although this was a difficult situation, she could manage to tell the story
effectively thanks to her tenacity and her classmates’ help. Ling’s listeners were understanding
and respectful and developed a sincere interest in what she was narrating. They listened
attentively and they were willing to help her sort out vocabulary problems. The respect they
showed can be seen in the way in which they got involved with the story: they paid attention
without interrupting her, and made contributions by asking questions and providing her with
vocabulary and grammatically correct expressions. Finally, María ‘looked up [and] saw that all
the other students, men and women both, were crying too’. The attitude showed by Ling’s
class encouraged her to go through her story fully, and created a friendly environment in
which she felt free to express herself. When she suddenly had the need to share her
experience, she started talking timidly. As she developed her story, the fact that her
classmates behaved in such an understanding way that Ling found the strength to become
more and more confident in her speech. She might have felt cheered up and understood by
these people to whom she decided to open up, telling them a relevant event in her life.