Running head: MY GENOGRAM: MARRIAGE AND CHURCH 1

My Genogram: Marriage and the Church

Sheryl Gagnon

Brigham Young University-Idaho

Marriage 300

Holly Squires
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My Genogram

I come from a long line of Christian families; Presbyterian, Baptist, Lutheran, and Non-

denominational. However, religion wasn’t discussed in my family. Being a good person, fearing

God, being obedient, those were all emphasized in order to impress that I must be a “good girl.” I

wasn’t a good girl, at least not as a teenager. My home was broken and dysfunctional. I was lost

and searching for something, and I had no idea what it was. I knew all my extended family was

religious in some way but I didn’t know to what extent. I loved them and saw their lives and

marriages as examples of what I wanted some day, so I started asking questions and exploring

churches. When I found The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I found God and he

rescued me. I was seventeen years old when I was baptized. I experienced strong opposition

from my Baptist family members. It was intense and I didn’t know how to answer their

arguments against the church. I left home to start a new life. Creating my genogram reminded me

of this tumultuous time in my life. Seeing my family tree and how one generation has influenced

the next was profound. I emphasized the family religious backgrounds as well as their marriages

and divorces.

Patterns

One of the patterns that stood out to me is the many numbers of marriages that have

lasted without divorce. All of my family members on my maternal side are religious and all but

one family is religious on my paternal side. There have been twenty-three marital unions on my

maternal side and six ended in divorce (one person divorced twice). That is a 26% divorce rate.

On my paternal side there have been twenty-five marriages and six ended in divorce; a 24%

divorce rate. My childhood nuclear family accounts for half of the divorces on both sides of my
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family. That is a tremendous amount. It indicates that something went terribly wrong with my

own parents, which then affects my siblings and I.

Another interesting pattern is that all but two of the divorces remarried. One of my

maternal cousins has a mental illness. After two failed marriages, he said he realized that it

would never be healthy for him to have a relationship. Instead, he focuses all his relationship

endeavors on his children. My other maternal cousin is in a serious relationship but hasn’t

remarried. This is interesting because our maternal grandmother was married three times. Our

grandfather died when I was only two years-old. The grandfather I really remember was her

second husband. After he died, she married again, to an old high school sweetheart and they

lived in nursing home together. This time, he outlived her! Can the fear of being alone be passed

on from one generation to another? I think it was passed on to me.

I have been married twice. My first marriage lasted twenty-three years. One of my

biggest fears was telling my paternal grandmother that I was getting a divorce. She was a major

advocate for strong marriages and families. She hated that society was so busy all the time; too

busy for extended family, too busy for neighbors and friends, too busy to help others in need.

My fear of being the only grandchild that divorced, kept me in a very unhealthy marriage. The

only divorces at that time were my own parents and my maternal uncle. By the time I divorced,

my sister, paternal uncle and other cousins had divorced.

The last pattern I identified was that my nuclear family was the only one that had divorce

in consecutive generations; my parents and then my sister and I. The others seem to stand alone.

The dysfunction in our family made a huge impact on all of us. While I do not know the extent

of the martial issues that caused divorces for the extended family members, unlike my nuclear

family, the childhoods of the divorcees were happy and well-adjusted.

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Cautions

One big caution is to marry for the right reason. Fear of being alone is not a good reason.

It takes a well-adjusted woman to enter a marriage with well-adjusted man. I have come to learn

that ambiguous religion does not aide you. Active, involved participation with God and your

spouse are essential to a lasting marriage. It is therefore, essential to have your own individual

relationship with God and truly understand one’s own self before marriage.

Far Reaching Affects

It is imperative to choose well when marrying and building your marital foundation. This

foundation can enhance or destroy the future of your children. In the Book of Mormon we read

in Helaman 5:12, “remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of

God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds,

yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you,

it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because

of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men

build they cannot fall.” With this foundation, we will face trials and adversity, but we can

overcome. Surely children bring their share of adversity, but when both husband and wife have a

solid testimony, they are more likely to endure the storms. However, when the foundation is

weak, or there is not a solid foundation, the storms of life are much more difficult to handle.

Problems tend to weaken one’s belief. Mosiah 26:3, in the Book of Mormon, clearly identifies

the outcome of unbelief; “And now because of their unbelief they could not understand the word

of God; and their hearts were hardened.” Strong marriages are built on strong beliefs.

Conclusion
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I am the first member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in both, my

maternal and paternal family lines. I have four children born under the covenant and one sealed

in the covenant. The gospel continues to roll forth in my family because of the belief that my

children have built in their own lives. A few years after my divorce, I remember, clearly, the day

I received my temple cancellation from the First Presidency of the church. The second paragraph

says, “Children born in the covenant or sealed to parents are assured the right and privilege of

eternal parentage based on upon their individual faithfulness and agency. If such children remain

worthy, these blessings remain secure in the event that the sealing of their parents is cancelled.”

This alleviated the biggest worry I had with having a temple cancellation; ambiguity about what

happened to our kids. A transitional character is someone who changes history in their family;

for good or ill. I am a transitional character in bringing the gospel to my lineage. By staying true

to God during all of the negative experiences, I have helped my own children identify how to

have a different outcome. My children, in turn, can all be transitional characters as they remain

worthy before God. They can all build beautiful marriages through Him.