If everybody thinks differently of you, then who are you?

During our discussion, we were asked how we are as a child, a friend, a lover or an FEU

student. As my professor asked me what kind of a son I am to my parents, I could not answer it

straight ahead but I tried to reflect first with what I have done to my parents and what they have

thought of me as their son. I said that most of the time, I am obedient to my parents to the extent

that I do not really want to choice that they want me to choose. But just to clear up, right now, I

always try to reason out to my parents and to be assertive with the things I want for myself to

become. Others were asked what kind of friend they are. When the person answered the

question, her friends were jokingly disapproving to one of her answers due to some of their

experiences with her. One of them answered that they are completely different when they are at

home and at school because that person has strict parents and they are not in good terms. At

home, she is somewhat quiet and modest, but when she is in school, she is really jolly and

friendly with others.

According to Mead in his “Theory of Self”, the development of self is purely social rather

than biological while Cooley stated in his “Looking Glass Self” theory that we are a product of

our social interactions with other people. They both thought that social interaction plays a vital

role in developing of our view of ourselves but they have their different take on how this

happens.

What I am right now, my personality, attitude, etc., becomes constructed through

interaction and reflection of those interactions. I tried to reflect on my encounters with them and

to deduce and to realize what is common out of it or repeated. I realized that I adjust my

demeanor and personality when I engage and interact with my parents and it is also different
when I interact with different peers and people around because sometimes we rely on how we are

being evaluated or perceived by others and that is why we interact differently to people.

An example of Cooley’s theory is when we interact to our new classmates in College. We

imagine how we would interact and appear to others and when we have innumerable interactions

with them in months, we imagine how others think of us and what others really think of us. More

often than not, we are described differently by our peers. We try to process and reflect on those

things and we start to develop feelings and thoughts that might change our own selves or might

not. It might be our appearance, behavior or our attitude.

According to Mead, however, there are only certain people who could influence us in

how we see ourselves, thus making it restrictive than Cooley’s. We are described with different

adjectives by different people because every social interaction, its content and context, is

different from one another. All of us think differently because we all do have different contexts,

different standards, expectations and norms. Apart for that, we are bombarded with expectations

and norms that society dictates us to do with our attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. This new

understanding is referred by Mead as the “generalized other.” When the “I’ or our individual

identity responds to the “Me” which is how the society thinks of us or what we should be. With

this, we also have completely understand that we are performing in multiple roles in the society,

from what we have learned through social interactions and from exchange of symbols that we

tried to imitate during our younger years and to understand these symbols in order for us to

readily take that role later in life.

 I do believe with Mead about even though we are fully aware that everyone we interact to

might have an opinion of us, but not all of them should be taken. We should only be focused on

the perceptions of the people who are important and significant in our lives. Those we have been

the closest know us most in a significant amount of time that we have spent with them. Although

we are regarded as differently by others, it is due to the fact that we are playing different roles in

life. These perceptions, which our significant others opined regarding who we are, are important

and should be reflected by us, as stated by Cooley.

Reference:

Mead's Theory of Self and Cooley's Looking Glass Self. Retrieved from

https://www.sophia.org/tutorials/meads-theory-of-self-and-cooleys-looking-glass-self