4/8/19

TED Talk - Brene Brown (​Daring Greatly​)

- Connection is why we are here, it is what gives purpose to our lives
- When you ask people about love, they’ll tell you about heartbreak, when you ask about
connection, they’ll tell you about disconnection
- Shame = fear of disconnection, if other people know it or see it I will not be worthy of
connection
- If you do not feel shame, you are unable to have any form of human connection
- Excruciating vulnerability - in order for connection to happen we have to allow ourselves
to be really seen
- Sense of worthiness, strong sense of love and belonging vs. those who struggle
- Those who have a strong sense believe they are worthy
- One thing that keeps us from connection is the idea that we are not worthy of connection
- “Wholehearted”
- Courage = “heart” tell the story of who you are with your whole heart, courage to
be imperfect
- Compassion = be kind to ourselves before being kind to others
- Connection = as a result of authenticity
- Vulnerability = believed what made them vulnerable made them beautiful, it is
necessary, willingness to say i love you first!! (no guarantees)
- We “numb” vulnerability
- We are the most in debt, addicted, and obese adult cohort in history
- You can not numb an emotion
- When we numb those bad emotions ->>> we numb joy, happiness, etc.
- Why and how we numb?
- We make everything uncertain to certain
- Shown in politics today, there is just blame everywhere, we perfect too
- **parents recognize the imperfection in their children but when they
recognize this imperfection and still show them that they are worthy of
love and belonging that is the real connection of love between a parent and
a child***
- Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen
- Love with our whole hearts
- Practice gratitude and joy even in those times of terror
- *believe that we are enough
(Part 2)
- Myth 1: vulnerability is not weakness
 - Vulnerability is emotional risk
- Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage!!!!
- To create something is the ultimate aspect of vulnerability
- We have to talk about shame
- Can not talk about race, without shame because we discuss privilege
- The results of shame are irreversibly related with guilt

(4/10/19) Merck discusses Brene Brown…

- Brown looks at people who think they are worthy vs. those who do not think they are
worthy
5 characteristics of people who demonstrate wholeheartedness:
1. Courage to be imperfect
2. Compassion for self and for others
a. If you can tolerate your own imperfections, chances are you are giving yourself a
lot of affection. Compassion for other people, not having ridiculous expectations
for those around you.
3. Authenticity
a. Letting go of who you think you should be vs. who you are(genuineness)
4. Fully embrace vulnerability
a. Definition of vulnerability = uncertainty, risk, & emotional exposure
b. What makes a person vulnerable makes a person unique and beautiful
5. Individual is able to say “I am enough”
a. Always feeling like we have to be looking forward to the next step in life, where
you are right now is enough

Fundamental Ideals for Definition of Worthiness(required):

1. Love and Belonging​ are irreducible needs of men, women, and children
a. **that is what gives us the meaning to our lives
b. The absence of love and belonging produces loss and suffering
c. “Failure to thrive” - when infants die, because of no skin connection
2. Those who live wholehearted lives develop practices that they are worthy of love and
belonging
a. Developing a spiritual practice, not relying on someone else
b. Knowing when to let go of unhealthy relationships
c. Be intentional about those good relationships, be connected with people who truly
value you
3. People live with ​courage​, ​compassion​, and ​connection​ in their wholehearted life
4. Know vulnerability is the catalyst for these things ^^
a. **vulnerability is the single most important practice in wholeheartedness!
Shame = intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and unworthy of love
and belonging
- If you put your self worth in the hands of other people you put yourself as the slave of
others
- Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating
disorders, bullying
- Shame breeds fear, so it thrives​ ****in secrecy, silence, and judgement
- Shame is normally unspeakable, taps into our own self doubt and own self criticism
- Normally other people give the “voice” to our own thoughts and negative
thoughts
- Difference between being self aware and beating ourselves up over it
- Shame sounds a lot like blaming, gossip, harassment, favoritism
- Employees want recognition over pay increases

4 steps of temperature reading:

1. Appreciation - recognition

Narcissism (Brene Brown continued..)

- “The extraordinary fear of being ordinary” -> very weak ego
- Lack empathy
- Empathy = being able to relate feelings, put yourself in someone else’s shows, the
“as if” emotion
- “Me too” is the biggest practice of empathy, showing you have been there before
and can relate to the other person
- Think they are the center of their own world
- Extraordinary feeling of being inadequate, underpinned by shame at every level, and
attempting to cover that up
- Rates of narcissism have doubled in the last 10 years
- Because of social media!!! More self and beauty obsessed
- Narcissism is driven by a sense of scarcity, 911 has torn our sense of safety

“Vulnerability is life’s biggest dare”

- Oversharing is not vulnerability, oversharing is a vulnerability shield, keeping people at
arms distance!!
Jung
- When discussing one’s individual self there’s this PERSONA = we present to the world,
SHADOW = the side of us that we keep hidden from the world and society