A Letter to the Messy, Lazy Mother in Me

Dear You,

You are an embarrassment to the sacred profession of motherhood. You watch too much K-Drama and
you sleep in very late the next day. As a result, you couldn’t make a decent breakfast for your husband
before leaving for work. You always delay doing laundry for another week or two. And when you finally
do, you lazily ignore the clean clothes stacked in the basket, passing them by, pretending it doesn’t exist
(and delay folding it for another week or two). You are a terrible cook, but thank God for YouTube, you
are somehow slow-learning the craft. You are a pathetic gardener. There was not one time when you
actually raised a plant to life, because every green you touch eventually dies. You are terrible in grocery-
shopping. You have no idea where to find the right shelves. And you never go to the wet-market
because you hate the haggling vendors calling you out from all directions. No wonder why your fridge is
empty most days.

Oh my dear you, you are so messy, and lazy, and unintentional in your ways. You are failing the craft of
motherhood in every sense of the word, and you know it.

I’m writing to scold you for the disappointment that you are, and to thank you because you try.

Thank you for giving up your job in order to stay at home and be a mother. You studied very hard in
college, even graduating cum laude, just so you can change dirty diapers day-in and day-out. You have
so many talents—you can sing, you can argue, you can write, you can teach, goodness, you can even
play the drums. Yet you chose to do the task in which you are the worst, and at which you are terribly
failing. A task in which no one can possibly appreciate you—the task of homemaking.

Thank you for all the times you’d rather stay at home to take care of your kids, so there could be
someone who cleans after the gigantic mess your babies make every single day. For every passing day
that your boys are properly bathed, and fed, and rested, you have already done a great job.

Thank you for all the times you are tempted to nag, and scold, and grumble, and to lose your grip of it
all, yet chose to be still and not lose your temper, because you know that your silence is the kinder way
to go.

Thank you for the luxury you set aside. Thank you for that matte lipstick, or that expensive lotion, or that
gorgeous shoes you’d rather not buy, because they cost as much as your child’s formula milk and
diapers. And you know that these two should come first in everything.

Thank you for taking time to teach your toddler the basics of things. You might be alone in the endeavor,
feeling unsupported and appreciated most times, but every A-B-C, every 1-2-3, and every little thing you
teach your baby boy, is a lesson he will never forget. Because of it, he will grow smarter and wiser and
he will one day thank you for it.

Thank you for delaying your dreams so you can take care of your family. You wanted so much to go to
law school and to finally do something you are good at, but you chose to set it aside in the meantime.
Every passing day, you struggle with regret that makes you feel frustrated for not pursuing it before this
family was born. Every passing day, you wrestle with misplaced determination, making you want to run
hard after your dream, but holding back, because it might mean neglecting your family at a time when
they need you the most.
And thank you for every offense you let pass, for every hurt you forgive, for every rejection you pardon.
Thank you for keeping up with the terrible consequence of familiarity that you and your husband face
each day. You gracefully respond to every cold and silent treatment. You dismiss with kindness every
forgotten anniversary, and birthdays that so ordinarily pass by, and all the special days when you
expected more.

And on Mother’s Day, the only day in a year where you could have been treated better, when you could
have been appreciated more sweetly, more lovingly, but for some reason, you were not, you didn’t
make a fuss, you willingly forgave, and moved on the next minute.

But my dear you, you of all people, deserve more, on Mother’s day. Because you are a mother. Because
you mother.

So my dear you, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! When your husband couldn’t make the day special because he
is too phlegmatic and shy; and when your kids couldn’t “love” you because they are too young, go ahead
and love yourself. Go ahead and appreciate what you do. Go ahead and celebrate you.

When you can choose other things, you gave it all up and chose to raise better men. For that, you
deserve a standing ovation.