• 3149 EAGLE DRIVE • FORT COLLINS, CO 80526 • PHONE 419-612-6702 •

• SALRAMSEY@GMAIL.COM •

SETH RAMSEY

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
 Adapts quickly to new atmospheric pressures
 I can speak Russian…in Chinese
 Ultra-calm demeanor when unconscious
 Capable of slamming revolving doors
 Invented the internet as well as Pacman & Tetris
 At museums I’m allowed to touch the art
 Permanently on Santa’s “good” list. Also, sharks have a week
dedicated to me.

WORK EXPERIENCE

1995 – 2010 Sushi Tanabe

Hokkaido, Japan
ブロンドの髪の丸目
 Studied competitive origami, downhill sushi fabrication, Japanese Braille
calligraphy, and zero-gravity saké fermentation with JAXA. I mastered the obscure,
rural-Hokkaido dialect of Japanese in 6 days. The locals held a council to deify me,
however, I respectfully declined citing ethics violations – I once exceeded the speed
of light while defending the Kuril Islands’ territorial claim put fourth by the Prince of
Lichtenstein.

1988 – 1993 South Pacific Adventure Divers

Uepi, Soloman Islands
Defensive Diving Tour Guide
 Frequently fought off reef, tiger, and hammerhead sharks using only my dive knife
and a stream of bubbles from my regulator. Faced the salt spray of the high seas as
well as unknowns of the deep on a daily basis. For exercise I would frequently swim
back to one of the islands after having told the dive boat to leave before I surfaced.
Dolphins looked to me often for assistance when they got tired.

1945 – 1968 Department of Parks & Recreation

Pawnee, IN
Assistant Deputy Director
 Exuded optimistic enthusiasm for public projects and epitomized a public servant
in thought and deed. Once the mayor asked me to remove a potentially rabid
opossum from the public gold course, which I did barehanded. On another occasion
I rectified the city’s budget deficit with a senior citizen’s auction; pensions’
payments are now $0 per annum.

1612 – 1776 (Western calendar) Changlingmethang Zangdok Pelri

Temple Thimphu, Bhutan
Meditation Guru: Senior Ru
 Consulted the Dalai Lama when he was feeling stressed out. He is preferential
 towards ocean sounds and shiatsu back massages. Learned to control my heart
rate & breathing; my personal best was one beat during the New Moon lunar phase
of 1648.

EDUCATION

1993-1995 Marine Institute of Locomotion St Helena

British Overseas Territory
• Instructed humpback whales on alternative swim techniques.
Subspecialty: song composition
1814-1916 Headmaster at the Université Française Royale
Paris France
 Personal tutor to Louis XVI & Louis XVIII. Also, I arrived at a viable
anthrax vaccine prior to Louis Pasteur’s claim & patent application.
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outside known reality
• ˙pǝʇɐǝɹɔ sɐʍ ʇıqɐɥuı ʎ ‫ן‬ʇuǝɹɹnɔ ǝʍ ǝsɹǝʌıun ǝɥʇ snɥʇ ‫؛‬ɯnnuıʇuoɔ
ǝɯıʇ ǝɔɐds ǝɥʇ uı ǝ ‫ן‬oɥ ɐ pǝddıɹ sıɥʇ ʎ ‫ן‬ǝʇɐunʇɹoɟ[un] ˙ǝ ‫ן‬ɐɔs
ɹǝʇǝɯoʇɯǝɟ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ sƃuıɹʇs ɯnʇuɐnb ƃuıɹnsɐǝɯ ʎ ‫ן‬ǝʇɐɹnɔɔɐ ɟo ǝ
‫ן‬qɐdɐɔ ɹoʇɐɹǝ ‫ן‬ǝɔɔɐ ǝ ‫ן‬ɔıʇɹɐd ssɐɯ-ʍo ‫ ן‬ɐ pǝʇsǝʇ & 'pǝʇɔnɹʇsuoɔ
'pǝuƃısǝp ʎ ‫ןן‬nɟssǝɔɔns I