ALL WOMAN

SCENT OF A WOMAN: WHY GREAT MEN RISK

EVERYTHING FOR SEX
BY PETULA CLARKE All Woman editor clarkep@jamaicaobserver.com
Monday, January 04, 2010

LONG before Tiger Woods – the world's greatest golfer – fell from grace for partaking in pleasures
forbidden to married men, countless numbers of great men lost power and prestige to the seemingly
irresistible lure of the vagina.

An endless list of some of the biggest names includes Bill Clinton, the former US president, whose
infidelity with White House intern Monica Lewinsky in 1998 led to his impeachment; the Rev Jimmy
Swaggart, one of the US' most popular televangelists; Gary Hart and John Edwards, US presidential
candidates; basketballer Michael Jordon, boxer Mike Tyson, and before them, of course, probably the
most famous abdication in recent memory, that of King Edward VIII of England who gave up the throne in
1936 to marry American divorcée, Wallis Simpson.

As far back as Bible times, great men like Samson, whom God charged with delivering the Israelites from
the Philistines, fell for the affections of the alluring Delilah and lost his strength and sight in the process.

King Solomon, famous for his hundreds of wives and concubines, paid homage to the female body in
song, likening thighs to jewels and lips to scarlet. Meanwhile, Adam caused the fate of the world to
change forever, all because he couldn't resist temptation by the captivating Eve.

Since then, business empires have been wasted, numerous marriages destroyed and families torn apart,
all because, as a confessed Jamaican adulterer said, "of that mysterious organ found between a woman's
legs".

"Men, you have to beware of the vagina," said the man, who asked not to be named to prevent
embarrassment to his family. "It's like a trap that sucks you in, then spits you back out to deal with the
world's snark and scrutiny."

Can men resist the vagina or must they remain slaves to its allure? The Observer put the question to a
male and female gynaecologist, a sex therapist and a marriage counsellor.

"You have to be mindful of the whole male/female dynamic, the fact of our humanity and the fact of our
sexuality," Reverend Karl Johnson, former president of the Jamaica Council of Churches and counsellor,
explained.

"Once you put those three things on the table you realise that at no point in time are we not human and
vulnerable and susceptible to all kinds of things just by the mere fact of our humanity. Not everybody
would be faced with the same challenges. But we all have our shortcomings, our vulnerabilities."
It's a vulnerability that some experts have sought to explain, linking male behaviour to that of other
animals in the animal kingdom that have pheromones -- chemicals which indicate the availability of the
female for breeding and that can attract the opposite sex.

But, said gynaecologist Dr Charles Rockhead, humans don't possess pheromones, so there's nothing
chemical, nothing in medical science about the vagina's special ability to lure a man.

"From a medical perspective, the vagina is not lined with some special pheromones that say 'here I am,
come in'," he said. He prefers instead to link the tendency of men, especially powerful men, to stray to
one word – power.

"When a man has power he sees himself as king, as having a domain and women are his subjects," Dr
Rockhead said. "Women, too, love to be associated with this power in the sense of money, politics,
industry. Women are attracted to it."

He added: "As regards to Tiger, he was always a nerd, then he became the king of his world, and all of a
sudden, he's now the big attraction. Women who'd not have found him attractive before now throw
themselves at him and it's very hard to say no."

Another temptation, he said, was the variety – different women have different body parts, feel different
and it's incredibly difficult for a man to say no.

"It's difficult or impossible to say no to this attention. It's the same with doctors. All your life you're a nerd,
then you get a medical degree and suddenly women are attracted to the stethoscope. It's all about power.
But, as they say absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Rockhead aruged also that sex was much sought after because it gave an extremely intense high, where
during the act you release the feel-good hormones, endorphins and serotonin. And he said, it doesn't
matter whether the other woman looks worse or is less smart than the man's wife, as, "when you're
looking vagina you don't want to go into the nitty gritty of what's going on in the New York Times".

Gynaecologist Dr Keisha Buchannan pointed to a more obvious pull for men -- it's all in the appearance.

"The vagina is physically attractive to men and psychologically the physical look is associated with
pleasure," she says. "But it's not just the vagina; it's the whole woman. It's not just the physical vagina; it's
the breasts, her shape, the whole thing denotes pleasure."

It's the thought of pleasure that gets men hooked, the experts agree, and the tensions of life that make
them unable to resist.

"A man always has to balance the tension caused by the need to be committed to one woman because of
religious and social status reasons and the innate desire to be free from that commitment, if only for a
one-night stand," Sidney McGill, marriage and family therapist and sex disorder therapist said.

"He tends to stay faithful to his committed relationship when he feels his sexual, emotional, social and
spiritual needs are being met most of the time. On the other hand, if one or more of his love needs are
unmet he may develop a compulsion to fulfil his sexual fantasies elsewhere. Sexual risk-taking becomes
an exhilarating experience and so he lives for the next sexual encounter."

And great men, McGill said, carry the stress of meeting the public's expectations and many are burdened
by a sense of loneliness.
"If their emotional and sexual needs are not fully met, many can be easily seduced by a woman or man
who can give sexual service. They also may go in hot pursuit of adventurous sex themselves," he said.
"Men say they have better sex with their mistresses and are more likely to share more intimate moments
with them than with their wives or common-law partners."

He said that in his practice, and when dealing with couples, he takes into account the sexual
vulnerabilities of men and women in a committed relationship and puts in place a prevention plan specific
to the needs of the couple.

"I, however, do not condone unfaithfulness... Premarital counselling therefore is important to educate the
couple about their responsibilities and provide the opportunity for greater understanding about his/her
partner." LONG before Tiger Woods – the world's greatest golfer – fell from grace for partaking in
pleasures forbidden to married men, countless numbers of great men lost power and prestige to the
seemingly irresistible lure of the vagina.

An endless list of some of the biggest names includes Bill Clinton, the former US president, whose
infidelity with White House intern Monica Lewinsky in 1998 led to his impeachment; the Rev Jimmy
Swaggart, one of the US' most popular televangelists; Gary Hart and John Edwards, US presidential
candidates; basketballer Michael Jordon, boxer Mike Tyson, and before them, of course, probably the
most famous abdication in recent memory, that of King Edward VIII of England who gave up the throne in
1936 to marry American divorcée, Wallis Simpson.

As far back as Bible times, great men like Samson, whom God charged with delivering the Israelites from
the Philistines, fell for the affections of the alluring Delilah and lost his strength and sight in the process.

King Solomon, famous for his hundreds of wives and concubines, paid homage to the female body in
song, likening thighs to jewels and lips to scarlet. Meanwhile, Adam caused the fate of the world to
change forever, all because he couldn't resist temptation by the captivating Eve.

Since then, business empires have been wasted, numerous marriages destroyed and families torn apart,
all because, as a confessed Jamaican adulterer said, "of that mysterious organ found between a woman's
legs".

"Men, you have to beware of the vagina," said the man, who asked not to be named to prevent
embarrassment to his family. "It's like a trap that sucks you in, then spits you back out to deal with the
world's snark and scrutiny."

Can men resist the vagina or must they remain slaves to its allure? The Observer put the question to a
male and female gynaecologist, a sex therapist and a marriage counsellor.

"You have to be mindful of the whole male/female dynamic, the fact of our humanity and the fact of our
sexuality," Reverend Karl Johnson, former president of the Jamaica Council of Churches and counsellor,
explained.

"Once you put those three things on the table you realise that at no point in time are we not human and
vulnerable and susceptible to all kinds of things just by the mere fact of our humanity. Not everybody
would be faced with the same challenges. But we all have our shortcomings, our vulnerabilities."

It's a vulnerability that some experts have sought to explain, linking male behaviour to that of other
animals in the animal kingdom that have pheromones -- chemicals which indicate the availability of the
female for breeding and that can attract the opposite sex.
But, said gynaecologist Dr Charles Rockhead, humans don't possess pheromones, so there's nothing
chemical, nothing in medical science about the vagina's special ability to lure a man.

"From a medical perspective, the vagina is not lined with some special pheromones that say 'here I am,
come in'," he said. He prefers instead to link the tendency of men, especially powerful men, to stray to
one word – power.

"When a man has power he sees himself as king, as having a domain and women are his subjects," Dr
Rockhead said. "Women, too, love to be associated with this power in the sense of money, politics,
industry. Women are attracted to it."

He added: "As regards to Tiger, he was always a nerd, then he became the king of his world, and all of a
sudden, he's now the big attraction. Women who'd not have found him attractive before now throw
themselves at him and it's very hard to say no."

Another temptation, he said, was the variety – different women have different body parts, feel different
and it's incredibly difficult for a man to say no.

"It's difficult or impossible to say no to this attention. It's the same with doctors. All your life you're a nerd,
then you get a medical degree and suddenly women are attracted to the stethoscope. It's all about power.
But, as they say absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Rockhead aruged also that sex was much sought after because it gave an extremely intense high, where
during the act you release the feel-good hormones, endorphins and serotonin. And he said, it doesn't
matter whether the other woman looks worse or is less smart than the man's wife, as, "when you're
looking vagina you don't want to go into the nitty gritty of what's going on in the New York Times".

Gynaecologist Dr Keisha Buchannan pointed to a more obvious pull for men -- it's all in the appearance.

"The vagina is physically attractive to men and psychologically the physical look is associated with
pleasure," she says. "But it's not just the vagina; it's the whole woman. It's not just the physical vagina; it's
the breasts, her shape, the whole thing denotes pleasure."

It's the thought of pleasure that gets men hooked, the experts agree, and the tensions of life that make
them unable to resist.

"A man always has to balance the tension caused by the need to be committed to one woman because of
religious and social status reasons and the innate desire to be free from that commitment, if only for a
one-night stand," Sidney McGill, marriage and family therapist and sex disorder therapist said.

"He tends to stay faithful to his committed relationship when he feels his sexual, emotional, social and
spiritual needs are being met most of the time. On the other hand, if one or more of his love needs are
unmet he may develop a compulsion to fulfil his sexual fantasies elsewhere. Sexual risk-taking becomes
an exhilarating experience and so he lives for the next sexual encounter."

And great men, McGill said, carry the stress of meeting the public's expectations and many are burdened
by a sense of loneliness.

"If their emotional and sexual needs are not fully met, many can be easily seduced by a woman or man
who can give sexual service. They also may go in hot pursuit of adventurous sex themselves," he said.
"Men say they have better sex with their mistresses and are more likely to share more intimate moments
with them than with their wives or common-law partners."
He said that in his practice, and when dealing with couples, he takes into account the sexual
vulnerabilities of men and women in a committed relationship and puts in place a prevention plan specific
to the needs of the couple.

"I, however, do not condone unfaithfulness... Premarital counselling therefore is important to educate the
couple about their responsibilities and provide the opportunity for greater understanding about his/her
partner."

He said, for example, a man with unmet emotional and sexual needs was more likely to spend more time
at the sports bar drinking alcohol and smoking more marijuana. He may have a greater desire to gamble,
get greater public recognition and even work harder and longer.

"If he developed the habit of having multiple sexual partners during adolescence and early adulthood and
links this sexual lifestyle to his masculine outlook, then committing to one woman becomes a serious
challenge. Partners must intentionally make time for deep communication perhaps after sex, during
devotion, regular getaways from the daily routine or simply sharing chores such as cooking. The benefits
of increased transparency and intimacy from a free and open communication action plan is a wise
investment against infidelity," McGill advised.

Another problem men face, added Rev Johnson, may be that they have no accountability and no support
system to prevent them from bowing to desires that are only human.

"It's always important to have accountability," Johnson said. "Each of us needs to have a kind of
framework of accountability, of people with whom we can share our struggles and receive the kind of
support that can help us. There is a general rule that you have to exercise restraint and self control."

He said that sometimes when men make mistakes, yield to temptation and then fall, it was all a test, an
experience.

"Sometimes you don't know (the value of resisting temptation) until you go through certain things. The key
is acknowledgement that if they had nipped something in the bud, they would have been able to navigate
through temptation. All of us sharing a common humanity are all vulnerable. We're all human, all flawed,
all battle and struggle with all sorts... and we have to be aware, remain conscious and stay focused."