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Bradi Gierke
Professor Furuness
Storycraft
14 October 2020
Hostage Love

The tires in front of me screeched to a halt forcing me to slam on my brakes.

Within seconds I was surrounded by four men wearing all black holding guns aimed at
my car. After a few moments of me sitting there in shock, the man closest to my window
ordered me to exit the car with my hands in the air. I slowly unbuckled my seatbelt and
opened the door. A cool breeze hit me straight in the face and made my body shiver.
Once again, the same man who had previously given me an order told me to walk
slowly to the car in front of mine and get in. I obliged and started walking while thinking
about how my worst fear was happening right now. How was I going to get out of this?
Why did they pick me? Were they going to kill me? These questions raced through my
head as I slowly made my way into the black SUV and was soon surrounded by men on
all sides. The car ride to wherever we were going was absolutely silent and seemed
unbearably long. Usually, I would fall asleep on long car rides like these, listening to my
mom and dad chat in the front, but not this time. This time I was wide awake, alert, and
looking for any sign that would help me figure out what these men wanted. All of a
sudden, the SUV jerked to a stop, and I was overwhelmed with anxiety. We must be at
our destination.
The man to my right filed out of the car then waved me on to follow suit. I scooted
over and jumped down to the ground before turning to see where we were. My jaw
dropped as my eyes glazed over the humongous, white, gorgeous mansion standing in
front of us. This was the opposite of what I was expecting. I was guided through golden
gates and into the front door by the two men that sat on either side of me in the car. The
other two men were going to park the car, I presumed. The inside of the mansion was
even more stunning than the outside. Everything was white or gold. The furniture, the
carpet, the lights, everything matched the theme. I was led down a series of hallways
that seemed like a maze before stopping in front of a door. I was shoved inside with the
door slamming and locking again right after me. I looked around the room in
amazement as I had when we had first arrived at the house. The bed was huge and
wrapped in white silk sheets. White curtains were hanging on all the windows. The
couch and loveseat faced a flat-screen tv bigger than I had ever seen before. I ventured
towards the other door in the room and opened it to find the grandest bathroom I had
ever been in. White marble covered the floors and walls of the shower. I really needed
to find out who these people were.
I sat on the perfectly plush bed, racking my brain for answers. I could not think of
anyone who would want to do this to me. I hadn’t recognized any of the men’s faces, so
I knew it was no one I knew. That is unless they were controlling the whole operation
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behind the scenes. I woke up in the morning to a loud knock on the door. I didn’t even
remember falling asleep; the bed had just been that comfy. I rose and opened the door
to find one of the four men holding an exquisite dress and heels. He interrupted my
thoughts by saying, “Get dressed and press the red button on the wall when you are
ready to be escorted to dinner.” He handed over the dress and shut the door. I walked
to the bathroom and got dressed as fast as possible; I was starving! I pressed the red
button and waited at the door for what seemed like forever until I heard the knock again.
I opened the door and joined two men that escorted me down the maze of halls again,
this time to somewhere new. The kitchen had a delicious aroma in the air that made my
stomach growl. I was directed to one of twelve seats at the table. Every other seat was
already filled. Apparently, I was late. A plate was placed in front of me containing
pancakes, bacon, eggs, and fresh fruit. This sounded terrible to say, but I could get
used to staying in this mansion.
During breakfast, I sat quietly and listened to all the conversations going on
around me. I was startled when I heard my name spill from one of the men’s voices. I
turned and looked at the man sitting at the head of the table. He stared at me and said,
“Are you wondering why you are here?” I answered, “I think anyone in my situation
would be wondering that.” I was surprised when I heard the man sitting across from me
say, “See Dad, I told you she was quick-witted.” How did this man know me or my
personality when I had never seen him a day in my life? Head honcho then spoke
saying, “We are sorry for the way we had to bring you here. However, due to our
circumstances, it was completely necessary.” “And what exactly would those
circumstances be?” I replied. “We are apart of the Italian mafia.” My jaw dropped. “What
in the world do you want to do with me then? I’ve never had any sort of connection to
the mafia.” The man in charge smiled and said, “Now that is a question for my son
Mateo, sitting across from you.” Ah ha, the mystery man that somehow knew my
personality. I turned to face him and found that he looked nervous and sweaty. I raised
my eyebrows, waiting for an answer. Quietly he spoke up saying, “One day while
leaving the coffee shop on Main and 3rd, I saw you. I had never run into anyone so
beautiful. From then on, every day I watched from afar you get your coffee then drive to
work. Soon I had figured out where you worked, where you lived, and your name. Violet
Hughes. Even your name is beautiful.” I sat there in astonishment. I had no idea
someone had been stalking me. My parents would have been ashamed; they stressed
being aware of your surroundings since the time I was able to walk. I had no idea what
to say back to Mateo. Finally, I pulled together a response, “So you thought the best
way to ask me out was by kidnapping me…?” Mateo blushed and lowered his head.
Bossman spoke up again saying, “As I said, we are apart of the Italian mafia. If we are
seen fraternizing with the common people, it will lower our image in other mafia’s
minds.” I pushed back my chair and asked to be escorted back to my room. I needed
time to process everything that had just happened.
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Back in my room, I sat on the couch, trying to sort through all the facts I had just
been blindsided with. After a while, I heard a knock at the door. I rose from the couch
and answered it. Mateo stood there looking nervous yet again. I had to admit he was
one handsome Italian man. He looked up and said, “Can we talk?” I didn’t answer; I just
walked back to the couch and plopped down. After a few seconds Mateo followed suit,
except he chose to sit on the loveseat across from me. At least he was respecting my
personal space. “I’m sorry that all this had to happen this way. I’ve been wishing for a
normal life ever since I figured out it wasn’t normal. All I’m asking for is a chance. If you
accept, the next few weeks of your life will be filled with extravagant vacations,
expensive clothing, and the most delicious food you’ve ever tasted. However, if you
decline, we will return you home safely tomorrow. I will let you sleep on it, but I will be
expecting an answer in the morning.”
I didn’t sleep at all that night. I tossed and turned, trying to make a decision. I
tried weighing all the pros and cons of the situation, but I still had so many questions.
Right when I was beginning to fall asleep, I heard a knock. I answered the door to find
Mateo, expecting an answer. “Before I give you my answer, you have to answer some
of my questions.” “That’s fair.” Mateo replied. “Will I be in danger at any point during the
next few weeks?” “Absolutely not.” “Will I get to have any sort of communication with my
family? I am sure they are worried sick about me.” “We have already contacted your
family and told them you were going on a spontaneous vacation with friends to unplug
for the month.” This man really had thought this thing through. “Can I back out at any
moment if I no longer wish to continue?” “Of course.” I saw no reason why I shouldn’t
take the chance now that I had all my concerns addressed. “Fine. I will give you a
chance.” Mateo looked relieved. He immediately lunged forward for a hug that I
hesitantly accepted. He pulled back saying, “Ready for our first vacation?” “As ready as
I’ll ever be.”
I followed Mateo outside to find a private jet waiting in the back yard. Are you
freaking kidding me? What else did this family have that I didn’t know about? I boarded
the plane to find that I was once again, the last one to arrive. I asked Mateo several
times where we were going, but each time he responded with, “It’s a surprise.” After
what seemed like forever, we finally landed and I was able to get off the plane. I spun
slowly in a circle, taking in everything around me. “Where are we…?” Someone behind
me replied, “Bali.” He had taken me to my dream vacation spot. I was really starting to
get weirded out about how much this man knew about me. I followed the family to a car
waiting close by to transport us to our hotel. The hotel was just as beautiful as the
nature surrounding it. We all had our own rooms, and I could only imagine how much
that had cost to arrange.
We stayed in Bali for a week before moving on to Paris, France. Next, we visited
Bora Bora. Each time the vacations got better. While we were there, I would attend
business meetings with Mateo and his family. I was told to sit there and look pretty.
Easy enough because almost all the conversations were spoken in a language I
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couldn’t recognize. Before I could realize it, I found myself wanting to be around Mateo
all the time. He made me laugh more than any other person had before. He treated me
like an absolute queen, which I adored. It had become our tradition to tell each other
one new fact about ourselves every night before bed. Before long, I felt like I had known
this man my whole life.
After a month of traveling, I was asked by Mateo if I wanted to continue dating
him or return home to my normal life. A month ago, my answer would have been an
immediate yes. But now, it was an immediate no. I didn’t want to continue on with life
without Mateo. He was a part of my normal life now. Continuing on without him would
be exceptionally hard and almost odd at this point. Mateo was more than excited. He
beamed with joy, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
Mateo and I went on to get married and have three children. Their names were
Noah, Roman, and Vivienne. They were our pride and joy. However, I made Mateo
promise me one thing; our children would never have jobs in the mafia. Of course, we
would always be connected to the mafia, but our children would have as normal lives as
possible. One day Vivienne came to us and asked the question I had been bracing
myself all my life for. “Daddy, Mommy, how did you guys meet?” Mateo and I turned to
each other and smiled before replying in unison, “We ran into each other at a coffee
shop.” Vivienne seemed content with this answer and went on her way. Truthfully, I
didn’t know if we would ever tell our children the real story, and maybe this was
because up until this day, I still couldn’t believe what had happened. But that didn’t
matter because right now, I had all I ever wanted and needed. I was happier than I had
ever been before, and if that happiness had come from an insane encounter, then so be
it.

Guided Reflection Letter

The first major difference between this story and my diagnostic story is that I
included dialogue. This was one of the things I discussed with Lisa in a meeting and
something I wrote down as a piece I wanted to improve on. I asked the people in my
writing group to look for character changes. I asked them specifically to make sure
these changes made sense and if they had any confusion about who was talking at
each point. Another difference is I made sure to split my story up into paragraphs with
smooth transitions. My diagnostic story was just one big clump. When I turned in my
diagnostic story I had no idea of our working definition of a “story”. This time because I
knew of the definition, I purposely added things to make sure it would meet the
guidelines we had made. Lastly, this story included way more details, which is
something else I stated I wanted to work on. I tried really hard to make it feel like the
reader was there in the house with Violet and feeling all her emotions.
I actually came up with this story after a friend had told me about a movie she
watched. I really liked the plotline of the movie because I love mysteries, but I wanted to
create my own version of it. This story actually came from two spots in my notebook.
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The very first sentence came from the one-sentence story starter kick start, and the rest
of the story came from the “I remember” section. I wrote down, “I remember my friend
telling me about a movie she watched this weekend.” I used this idea for my rough draft
during the kick start, so technically, I have made three drafts for this story. I took the
draft from my journal and added in parts for my final draft. I also took some parts out
that I realized were unnecessary. I then proofread for grammatical and spelling errors.
After I was content with what I had down, I revised the sections my group told me to
work on. They told me to fix some spots in the dialogue and italicize Violet’s thoughts so
the reader would know they were happening internally. After making those last
corrections, I reread it one more time and decided I was happy with it.
I personally believe the best part is the ending. I love happy endings and family.
So, I decided to include them both in the conclusion. I’m also really proud of myself for
including that much dialogue. I was worried about not having enough or having too
much, but I think it’s a perfect medium. The readers know what is happening, but
dialogue isn’t the whole story. I’m really happy that I got to include my favorite reading
genre but with a twist. I wanted to make this story different from others in its genre, and
I think I achieved that.
If I had more time with this story, I would go into more description about the
vacations. I realize now that I could have described those more to help the readers
understand how they fell in love. To make that improvement, I would describe the hotels
more, what activities they did while they were there, and even what kind of food they
ate. These kinds of details could help the readers feel like they were there with Violet
and Mateo. Another change I would make is how long she was kept in the house before
leaving for Bali. I would have liked to lengthen it to about a week instead of just one
night to add some suspense. I wanted the readers to think this was like most kidnapping
stories until the end.
One question I have is, do you think I was more descriptive in the beginning than
the end? I feel as if it might have faded out through the story. My second question is, do
I confuse past and present tense at all in the story, or first and third person? Other than
those two, I have no more questions! I can’t ask for any more support. I leave each
meeting with you guys feeling confident!