EA Connection

Your monthly newsletter from ISC—June 2010

This issue will mark the one-year anniversary of the EA Connection. It has been a fun year. From the
comments we receive from the states and elsewhere, it is well liked by the membership. For the Board of
Trustees and myself, it is a great way to feel connected to the groups. Please feel free to tell us what you like
and where we could make improvements.
The weather here in Minnesota has turned to summer, and with the rain we have had everything is beautiful.
I am often struck by the beauty we have and know that it took a Great Designer to facilitate all this, and our
program of recovery as well. I am humbled and grateful...Karen Mead, Executive Director

OF IMPORTANCE TO EA GROUPS
We continue to make plans for the Biennial EA Convention. If you have never been to one of these, you
might want to try it. It is a weekend of extended growth and recovery that you can’t always get from a
weekly meeting. There are speakers, workshops, meetings, as well as an opportunity to make friends with
EA members from everywhere. And, besides all that, Chicago is an easy place to get to. Due to finances we
had to make this an every other year event, so another opportunity won’t come until 2012. We do hope to
see you all there!

Welcoming the Newcomer

You will find a focus on the newcomer this month—some of our most important
members. In order for EA to thrive, we need to remember where we were when we
first came to EA and give them the welcome you had or would like to have had!
From the EA Message 2000: How do you welcome the newcomer? Some ideas previously
shared by groups are: Try to allow them the space they need, yet make them feel welcome. Some groups
have someone ask for their phone number and call during the week to see how they are doing. Some groups
have a Newcomers Meeting; others offer to do a First Step Meeting. One group formed a Newcomers
Committee whose sole purpose was to make the newcomer feel at home. Sometime this month you may wish
to make this a discussion topic for your meeting. If you have ideas on welcoming the newcomer, please let
us know.
It Works if You Work It, page 169: Some problems may arise when newcomers do not feel as welcome as
they might, or perhaps they leave the meeting baffled about the nature of the program. Groups that face this
issue may choose to set aside a few minutes of sharing time, so that each member can mention what brought
them into the program, and to welcome the newcomer. A copy of the Newcomer Orientation, form 27, may
be handed out or included in your Welcome Packet—a newcomer take-home packet that outlines the
program, and may include a meeting list, telephone number list (if your group keeps one), and a copy of
the Yellow Pamphlet. Groups may also designate someone to meet with the newcomer after the meeting.
Newcomers Orientation: So once again, welcome to our EA group. We hope we help you feel as if
you’re already a member of our “EA family.”

SPECIAL GIFTS AND MEMORIALS

EA GRATEFULLY ACKNOWLEDGES GIFTS AND MEMORIALS RECEIVED THE PAST MONTH.
In memory of Bob D—better known as Dez a warm, friendly and humorous gentlemen.
The EA Wellesley, MA group
 EA TOOLS
STEP SIX: WERE ENTIRELY
READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE
ALL THESE DEFECTS OF
CHARACTER.
THE PROCESS...The first three steps
addressed the problem and the
solution. In simple words they are, "I
can't, God can, Let Him." A certain
sense of peace comes from this
admission and decision.
In steps four and five, I wrote an
inventory of myself—the positive and
negative traits I have, my fears, and
my resentments, focusing on my part.
The inventory is all about me, not
other people. It was the first insight
that self-centeredness was the root of
my problems. After writing my fourth
step, then I tell it to someone (my
sponsor) which is my fifth step.
So once having done that, and I'm sure
I haven't skipped over anything
consciously, I'm ready to move on to
step six. As long as I've done the
previous steps to the best of my ability
at the time, that's all I need to do. Step
six is where willingness comes in. Am
I now ready to let God remove from
me all the things that I admitted in my
fourth and fifth step which are
objectionable to me? Can God now
take all of them? If I am not ready to
let go of everything, then I pray for
willingness.
Progress is the goal, not perfection. If
I'm not willing, then can I be willing to
become willing? That in itself is
progress...Anonymous
THE STRUGGLE...I have to stop
struggling, remembering I admitted my
powerlessness in step one, and put the
responsibility for the removal of my
character defects into the hands of
God.
This statement is so powerful. I've
been practicing this one thing—stop
struggling. When I meditate, I focus
on not struggling. During my day,
when I become aware that I'm
struggling, I stop, accept what's
happening, and practice not struggling
with it.
Years ago, I was working on step six
while sitting on the side of a mountain.
I pondered the words “entirely ready.”
That seemed, and seems, impossible.
It came to me that this step takes daily
practice, like how I work the first three
steps. Although I can say I worked the
fourth and fifth steps on a particular
day at a particular time, I really can't
be “entirely ready” at any particular
time. Instead, when I become aware of
being in a character defect, I can
chose to open myself to God, to cease
struggling, and be ready for God's
work in my life...Karen F
THE RESULTS...On page 61 of the EA
book, it tells me "These defects of
character are our negative habits of
thinking and acting, our automatic
reactions to life, our ineffective
behaviors."
Further down the page, "In order to
make further progress in our spiritual
and emotional growth, we have to
become ready to let go of all
ineffective behaviors and let God help
us to change."
One defect that I have rationalized
away until very recently is the way I
automatically defend myself verbally
when I feel attacked. This has served
me, but has become a “doing the same
old thing and expecting different
results” syndrome. It doesn't serve me
well at all.
My goal is to just let the other person
rant on at me, and let that be his
problem. I know two things, first, I am
not perfect and I can use the
accusations as evaluations of what may
have truth and that I may want to
change, and second, much of it isn't
really about me but are his own issues.
Today and from today forward, I am
entirely ready to give over my
defensiveness to my HP and seek
guidance in new ways of
responding...Maivis
SLOGAN SIX: LOOK FOR THE
GOOD.
So instead of being annoyed that my
car battery was dead, I was grateful
that the Triple A guy, after
determining that a jump start
wouldn't do it, replaced the battery,
at what seemed a reasonable cost and
a six-year warranty. I was grateful
that my car was in my carport when
the battery died, so I could happily
read my detective book, while the
matter was being resolved. EA has
definitely taught me to “Look for the
Good”...Carol
IT’S NOT OK TO LOOK FOR THE
GOOD...Growing up it wasn't ok to
look for the good in myself. No
wonder it is still so hard for me to do
so.
I remember once when I was little, I
was twirling around because I was
imitating one of those hair products
commercials. My mother saw me
doing it and told me I was vain for
paying so much attention to my hair.
I was about 4 years old, and I have
never forgotten that remark. That
one criticism made a huge difference
in how I saw myself, and I came to
the conclusion at that time that
paying attention to myself physically
was the wrong thing to do. Paying
attention to my looks was somehow a
bad idea.
It has taken me years and years to
finally realize that, not only is it a
good idea to pay attention to my
physical self, it is important and
healthy to do so. I still struggle with
feeling like I am being conceited if I
like myself. The truth is, I do like
myself, but I still feel at times that
it's something I need to be very
secretive about...Gail
 EA TOOLS APPLIED TO: ACCEPTANCE
I know that fighting a problem hasn't really worked for me, but that hasn't stopped me from doing it. I find that
struggling doesn't seem to get me very far. Lately, at some point, I stop and say to myself—lets take a look at exactly
what is going on. Am I feeling anxious, angry, frightened, annoyed or any of the wonderful other experiences that I
wouldn't miss for the world— not! Am I actually getting anywhere struggling with the problem at hand and wishing it
would go away? Is getting angry and throwing tantrums really helping? My answer, after a lot of pouting, is no.
So what has been my new way of dealing with my emotional issues? We all know what acceptance is. It's the
cornerstone of our program. What a wonderful word if only I let it work. My take on acceptance is that I just have to
decide that the emotions related to the person, place or thing just are. I don't have to try to rationalize them away. I don't
have to ignore them and hope they will disappear. I don't have to move to get away from them.
Acceptance is the first of the 4 A's. The first step, so to speak, towards me getting myself back and to using the tools of
the program again—reaching out to a fellow human being for help, and asking for my HP's guidance and
direction...Mark
For me, acceptance means reconciling with the fact that I am suffering. Just because I have accepted that I have so and
so problem, doesn't mean that I will stop looking for a solution. When I denied my problem, I kept beating myself up,
questioning myself. Why? Why am I like this? Why me? If everybody does so and so, why can't I ?
One day, I accepted defeat. That is when I found a little semblance of peace. That is when my mind opened up to looking
for a solution beyond my mind and beyond my willpower. Accepting did not take away my impetus to change. Rather it
made me look at new ways of changing—at new ways of dealing with what I am going through. That acceptance helped
me accept the EA Program. That acceptance has given me the humility to accept what other members are saying, and try
to follow the Program to the best of my ability. That acceptance has led me to start depending more on my HP.
Acceptance has opened up new doors. Acceptance gives me the ability to detach myself from that feeling, look at it
objectively and turn it over. I still struggle with acceptance. Acceptance is difficult but it may be the only way to peace. I
am working on it—moment to moment...Pri
I am pretty good at acceptance and forgiveness when it comes to small things, but at least one big thing is a different
story. My daughter and I had a falling out several years ago. It has been patched a couple of times, but the patch always
seems to fall off. My program does get me through the bad times, but just barely (I expect that my attitude and inability
to always work the program has something to with that).
We have been patched again for some 9 months or so. We both try really hard to keep it that way. Which means there are
things we don't say and subjects we don't address. Anyhow, this has led me to see how truly hard it is to accept and
forgive. I am afraid of letting my guard down for fear of getting hurt again. But as long as I keep that guard up, I am
missing out on a closer relationship, be it with her or someone else. I guess this all turns out to be about working Step 3
and my part-time ability to turn things over. So, Just for Today, I will turn my life and my will over to the care of God,
as I understand him...Joan
Acceptance is the key to the program and to my serenity. Unfortunately, I do not do it well. I want things the way I want
them when I want them! And I want everyone to be the way I want them to be and behave the way I want them to
behave. Is it any wonder that I am always tied up in knots? I wonder if, instead of a gratitude list, I should make an
acceptance list. Today I accept my son just the way he is (grrrr, poor student, lazy, stays out too late). Today I accept my
husband just the way he is (he is mostly wonderful, just makes bad decisions at times). Today I accept my job just the
way it is (mostly wonderful, but I don't have enough work to keep me busy). Today I accept extended family just the
way it is. Today I accept myself just the way I am (this is the hardest one of all because I am very hard on myself at all
times)...Claire
Acceptance has been a central theme in my path of recovery. I use the 3rd Just for Today: "Just for today I will try to
adjust myself to what is and not force everything to adjust to my own desires. I will accept my family, my friends, my
business, my circumstances as they come."
This is particularly effective when I use it in conjunction with the 2nd Just for Today: "Just for today I will try to be
happy, realizing my happiness does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around me. Happiness is a
result of being at peace with myself." May you find happiness today...Tom F
 2009—2010 EA Board of Trustees
REGION 1: NORTHWEST 905-723-2035 REGION 5: NORTHEAST 603-624-8455
Canada: AB, BC, MB, ON, SK Canada: NB, NF, NS, NT, PE,YT
USA: AK, ID, MN, MT, ND, OR, SD, WA,WI, WY USA: CT, MA, ME, NH, NJ, NY, OH, PA, RI, VT
Muriel D—Email: murieldoucette@rogers.com Harold F—Email: hthnhhugs@aol.com

REGION 2: SOUTHWEST 218-363-2591 REGION 6: FRENCH-SPEAKING CANADA 450-586-6688

USA: AZ, CA, CO, HI, NM, NV, OK, TX, UT Denis L—Email: fiduciaire@emotifs-anonymes.org
Mary Jane L—Email: mjl@eot.com Secretary
GENERAL SERVICE TRUSTEE 607-272-0406
REGION 3: CENTRAL 330-244-8720 Designated Trustee for areas outside North America
USA: IA, IL, IN, KS, MI, MO, NE Tom F—Email: tlf11@cornell.edu Trustee-at-Large
Paul H—Email: golfer5862@yahoo.com President
GENERAL SERVICE TRUSTEE 450-588-5461
REGION 4: SOUTHEAST 404-377-0277 Gilles M—E-mail: gmousseau.loubac@hotmail.com Vice President
USA: AL, AR, DC, DE, FL, GA, KY, LA, MD, MS, NC,
SC, TN,VA,WV NONMEMBER TRUSTEE 612-822-8190
Nancy P—Email: nancypnp@aol.com Judie H—Email: judyh8190@comcast.net

EX-OFFICIO: EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR 651-647-9712

Karen M—Email: director@emotionsanonymous.org

Around the globe with EA: Was ist EA? EA EVENTS: NEAR & FAR
Emotions Anonymous ist eine Gemeinschaft von Männern und Caledon, Ontario - Canada
Frauen aus allen Berufen und Gesellschaftsschichten, die sich immer EA Retreat June 11-13, 2010
wieder treffen, um ihre emotionalen (seelischen) Probleme zu lösen. In
regelmäßigen wöchentlichen Meetings versuchen wir eine neue Lebensweise 7PM Friday to 2PM Sunday $125
zu lernen und zu üben. Die einzige Voraussetzung für die Zugehörigkeit ist der Info: murieldoucette@rogers.com
Wunsch, emotional gesund zu werden und diese Gesundheit zu erhalten. Mail event information to:
director@emotionsanonymous.org

FROM YOUR TRUSTEES: WELCOMING THE NEWCOMER

Newcomers are extremely important to me. They remind me of where I used to be and how far I have come. Hopefully I share
that with them...Mary Jane How about remembering how you felt when you walked into your first meeting. Was it a good
experience or not? What can you do to help the next newcomer who comes to your meeting?...Judie Welcome the
newcomers with the pamphlet "Welcome to a New Way of Life" and "How Our Meetings Work.” I also give them a meeting
list for our area. After the meeting, I encourage the newcomer to pick up other literature from the table that might help and
encourage them to come back...Nancy In order to keep it you need to give it away. What better person is there to give it to
than a newcomer? It helps to remind you where you were when you first came to EA and the struggles that you had. You can
share with the new comer how you work the program to get out of those struggles...Harold L’occasion idéale de pratiquer la
12e étape est d’accueillir un nouveau. Nous devons quitter nos habitudes d’échanger notre semaine avec les autres membres
connus et nous détacher pour rencontrer le nouveau et l’écouter. Ensuite, nous pouvons lui livrer notre message
d’espoir...Denis L Je me rappelle la première fois ou je suis venu à EA. Jétais troublé, défait, je me sentais seul, pas
intéressant pour personne. Ce soir là quelqu'un a partagé et il racontait mon histoire, pas dans les faits, mais les émotions aves
lesquelles il vivait étaient celles que je connaissais et qui me faisait souffrir. Pour la première fois, quelqu'un parlait des vrais
affaires. J′y suis depuis 18 ans et commence à accepter la vie...Gilles

Emotions Anonymous 2010 EA CONVENTION: Unity, Service, Recovery

PO Box 4245, St Paul, MN 55104
Phone 651-647-9712 Fax 651-647-1593
Hours: Monday-Friday 10:00 am to 4:00 pm
www.EmotionsAnonymous.org
info@emotionsanonymous.org
orders@emotionsanonymous.org
groupdata@emotionsanonymous.org
shipping@emotionsanonymous.org
Planning, planning, planning, thinking, thinking,
thinking—will I or won’t I? You will not regret
coming to the convention; we know, we’ve been there
before! Do you want a roommate or want to be a roommate?
Let us know and we will keep a list of those who might be
interested. Contact Mary at orders@emotionsanonymous.org