Practice Literature A ‘Guided Analysis’ Feedback

Helen Dunmore ‘To My Nine-year Old Self’

(Paper 1 May 2017)

Name: Ellen

The original mark scheme for this poem stated for ‘very good to excellent’:

And for this modified new syllabus of the exam – focusing on the second GQ from the original exam -
the important bullet points are the fourth and the fifth. Stanzaic structure would not be essential to
your response, but I suspect that personal pronouns would perhaps come in at some point.

Achieved (that which you have done well on)

 Good opening sentence that frames the nature of the response to come well; that it is a poem directed to her own self as a
child from her adult position, but as you also point out, it is meant to make an adult audience think about how they might
speak to their own selves at a later point in life. That dictates the content of the poem – and its mood. Both monologue and
direct address can be used to describe this type of poem. There is a ‘silent other’ that is being addressed.
 As the mark scheme indicates, the overall mood of the poem was difficult to encapsulate in a single sentence as it has a
variety if nuances, but you picked up on both the nostalgia and how it is mixed with the sense of ‘regret’ and ‘resignation’.
However, also see the first bullet point below.
 You show a good understanding of the literal meaning of the text and the fact that the persona – again perhaps
autobiographical – realizes the very real gap between her current and her past selves. As well as feeling somewhat envious of
her for her innocence and carefree life. But also a bitterness towards herself for how she has metaphorically and otherwise
‘scarred’ her ‘self’.
 Topic sentences for the main body paragraphs again contribute to a sense of a clearly signposted direction in the essay. They
were clearly related to the GQ as well.
 Organizationally the commentary followed the three-paragraph structure that we have seen being made effective in IBO
exemplars and although it was slightly more challenging to respond to this GQ in three distinct points there was still a good
sense of progression. The first main body paragraph shows that the GQ is being addressed throughout and some of the other
elements of the original mark scheme are also being analysed, but not in too much detail. This will be necessary for the mock
exams and the real exams next year – rigid adherence to the demands of the GQ.
 Awareness of how imagery is employed for specific purposes is evident and comments evidence a very good general
understanding of the purposes behind their inclusion. Even to the point that you pick up on the final image as perhaps a visual
metaphor for what is happening in the poem and the poet’s life. A good insight, and I believe a valid one.
 Language use is for the most part very good and the correct register is maintained for the most part throughout (see below
about contraction use). Some spelling errors are evident but are not intrusive. Vocabulary is very sophisticated at times.
 The integration of textual evidence is handled competently at different points in the essay and the comments about the
examples selected are pertinent.
 An excellent and well-worded conclusion.

To consider

 It would have been worth also pointing out in the introduction how the poet evokes a sense of dissatisfaction with life as it is
now – almost a disconsolate mood. Yes, she has moved on, but it does not appear to have been in a positive direction. And, as
the mark scheme also suggests, there were elements of childhood which were also less than ‘idyllic’ that were worth picking
up on. In fact, both the current situation of the persona and elements of the past were significantly ‘ominous’. Particularly, the
‘men’ after ‘girl-children’. With this image, we can see that her childhood was not all fun and games. There was fear and
danger too. We will look at this poem again when we get back to school and look at other images in the poem that are
significant.
 Spelling may need to be a priority. Sometimes examiners – even when knowing that students are writing under pressurized
 conditions – can dock marks for mistakes.
 With the diction employed as well, you get a lot of temporally significant objects and concepts employed that would resonate
with her contemporary poetic audience, who would generally be in the same age range, e.g. sherbet lemons, wasp traps and
dens.
 Perhaps ‘peaceful acceptance’ may be a little optimistic. She seems disconsolate with her life at present, but also somewhat
aware of some of the negative aspects of her past that she does not want to dwell on (see above).
 Remember: It’s is short for It is – and the possessive adjective is its.
 Avoid contractions in formal writing, e.g. can’t and won’t.
 The image of her peeling the scab is perhaps meta-textual in some ways; she is doing this metaphorically in some ways in this
poem. Facing life head on to move on through a piece of art.