Samantha Burrington

The Language of Flowers

1

Part 1: The Funeral

Periwinkle (Remembrance)

By Freesia (19)
It's always the same story with Mom. People never understand (understood) her anyway,

so what’s the point of beginnings? I don’t want to start at the beginning. I want to keep going

forward and not look back. It’s better to get to the point and stay there than getting tied up in

looking back and thinking about things and having to deal with them. But I guess I have to now

since we buried Mom today. G and Cam came because Elaine called them, she didn’t think I

could handle everything and I guess she’s right. It took me hours to lift myself off the couch and

into my nice clothes and into Elaine’s messy backseat, pressing my face into any available

surface and screaming. I guess my kind of grief is just screaming. But what else can I do? It
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wasn’t supposed to be this way, it was supposed to be me and Mom, working together and Elaine

visiting and laughing and being there... always being there.

And things were great with Mom! I stuck around and I know her language and I loved it

like she did. And she knew that! She counted on me and no one else, because I understood how

things are supposed to be. But I guess she shouldn’t have counted on me, I wasn’t there when she

needed me. But I can’t think about that, I don’t want to think about that, I want to think about

Mom and all the things she knew. She knew everything about plants: edible ones, poisonous

ones, good-smelling ones, bad ones, she understood their language. Mom said that only people

who truly know the flowers would get their messages. Of course Mom always did, but I haven’t

gotten there yet. She taught me the human language of flowers though: red rose for love, rue for

mercy and many others, differing by only their colors.

That’s how Mom planned for each season; she’d listen to the plants and arrange them for

human eyes: beds of tulips in rainbows of meanings, carefully pruning the rose bushes to

encourage certain colors and planting rows of annuals, adorning our garden only to die by year’s

end. Mom always had the best garden. Everyone knew it, which was why she was such a good

landscape designer, but she always said she was just the voice of the flowers. I wanted to be just

like her, to know what to plant and when….but now I never will. She never had me design on my

own, it was always her designs, under her supervision, but it was ok: she needed me. But now

she’s in the ground and she can’t come back, like flowers do: blooming from a seed, she’ll stay

in the ground: cold and rotting. She’s gone and I’m alone, what can I do now?
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Harebell (Grief)

By Geranium (25)
I hope Free is talking to someone about this. She hasn’t talked to me since I got back;

she’s always hanging off Elaine...like she’s going to disappear. But I’m her sister and Dahlia was

my mom too. I may have hated her and we might have fought all the time, but she was my

mother. And after I was on my own, I almost pitied her: My mother was knotted up inside: the

way she saw the world was as beautiful as it was terrifying. Her priorities and expectations were

warped. She expected obedience and compliance, even though she was often absent. She traveled

too much and spent most of her time in her greenhouse and garden. Even minor disagreements or

disbelief in her perspective were akin to the deepest betrayal. I should know, I was kicked out for

exactly that at 17. I’m sure Mother told Free that that it was a way to set me on the right path and

to keep me from disrupting their little world.

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So I thought I’d be happy to see her go into the ground. Even though, after Elaine’s call, I

was in shock and I couldn’t help but think about the parts of her that were worthwhile, even as

few and far between as they were. But she was also cruel and unkind and just oblivious. She

could nurture even the most fragile plants, but little girls and teenagers were out of her

wheelhouse. So maybe I should be happy, like she got what she deserved for being neglectful

and hard headed and absent, but I don’t know how I feel now, after seeing her disappear into that

coffin and under those layers of Earth. Maybe a younger version of me would be more bitter or

hateful or angry, but I’m just tired.

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Daisy (Patience)

By Camellia (22)
It didn’t really feel real until now, sitting on the floor of my hotel room, my nice clothes
scattered across the floor and G in another room doing who knows what and Free weeping on
Elaine’s couch. I guess it’s just not what I expected. It still feels both relieving and reviling, but
I’m sad for Free who looks utterly broken and G, who’ll never get to have it out with Mom and
for Elaine, who took on so much responsibility in a family that isn’t her own and I guess I’m sad
for myself because I’ll never get to show her what I’ve become. I’ll never get to prove I was
more than the planner, the grocery shopper, the financial planner, whatever. I was always the
stable one to Dahlia’s instability, through her boyfriends coming in and out of our lives and her
traveling and neglect and just everything. I’ll never get to be more than that to Dahlia. And I
guess that’s infuriating, but it’s ok, because I don’t need her approval anymore. I don’t need any
of their approval anymore, but maybe that means that I want to connect with them. It took so
long, it took me years and the sight of my mother descending into the ground, but I think I can
finally open up again, without the specter of our mother.
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Magnolia (Perseverance)

By Elaine (19)
My name is Elaine Marie Winslow and I’m scared. This whole story is a mess, and even

though Free’s life has been a mess from the beginning, but this mess is all mine. I’ve never laid it

out like this before. I called Free’s sisters and I don’t know what we’re going to do now. I don’t

know how to act around them anymore, it’s been too long. But they’re her family and she needs

more people than me to help her through this. I thought Free was going to collapse at the Funeral

today. She didn’t look any better than the day that her Mom died. And honestly, I’m sad too.

After eight years I knew Dahlia pretty well, I mean she could be awful, but Free loved her to bits,

she idolized her and all of that flower stuff. I never knew how I felt about it, but it was easier for

me because I didn’t have to deal with her trying to teach me or mold me. I was an outsider to her,

a well-liked one, but an outsider nonetheless. But despite that, Free is like family to me, we’ve
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been there for each other through everything, so I’ll make this work, because Free needs more

people in her life and with her mother gone, she can let G and Cam back into her life (I hope).

Part 2:
8 years earlier
Orange Lily (Dislike/Hatred)

By Geranium (17)
This is really happening. I’m sitting at a bus stop waiting for my friend to pick me up, so

I can sleep on her floor. Mother snapped. I’ve never seen her like that. Now it’s all gone….and

for what?! Because she can’t deal with a teenager? Because she doesn’t want to believe that all

the flower BS is insane? I’m too much to handle?! Does she even get how hard she is to deal

with! The woman can’t even manage a grocery list or an after school pick up! Screw her!

It’s all her fault, it’s always her fault and she always blames me because I guess I was a

consolation prize from a guy she actually liked?! How dare she take it out on me! It’s been like
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this since I started to look more like him. She’s just gotten angrier and angrier at me for

something I can’t control!

At least I’m angry about something reasonable, like not wanting to deal with her!

Does she want me to be a dropout? Does she want to ruin my life more than she already has?

I’ll show her! I’ll do better than she ever could, the old effing bat!

What will she tell Free? She’ll probably be like ‘Geranium has gone on an important journey of

self-discovery’ or some BS. Free will be so upset. Seriously, screw her for doing this. It’s not

like Cam is going to stick around forever, she’s going to run for the hills the first chance she

gets. She’s going to burrow into her own head and just ride it out. Screw her too, she always goes

on and on about responsibility, but she doesn’t care. She just wants to look good and make

everyone do what she wants, like Mother.

What am I going to do?

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Marigold (Sorrow)

By Freesia (11)
It feels so empty now...our house. It’s a lot quieter now. Mom says that G needs to go and

figure things out before she can come home. But I wish she could figure them out here, with me.

Cam is always so busy and Mom doesn’t like it when I talk too much, but G always listened.

She’d let me come in her room and she’d braid my hair and tell me about all the weird high

school people and she’d let me tell her about meeting Elaine and Halloween and she came to the

school winter pageant and she’d bring me gummy sharks when I was sad. I miss her so much

already, but Mom says she can’t come back...not unless she says sorry. Maybe Mom should say

sorry too, so G would come back.

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Yellow Hyacinth (Jealousy)

By Camellia (14)
I hate her. It’s not fair that she gets to leave when I have to stay here. It’s awful here.

Mom will never shut up about those stupid plants and Free always looks at you with big, sad

eyes and we can’t get a dog and G and Mom always argue. But now it’s a lot quieter. I still hate

her, but I miss her too. G was always fun, she’d make dinner and tell stories and Mom would

smile when G didn’t push her buttons. But the fact is that she couldn’t follow the rules and this is

what happens. Although, I can’t help but be jealous, because she's free. She doesn’t have to

listen to Mom’s rants or do chores or go to school. My teacher says school is important because

learning is important, but I only like it because it means I don’t have to be home and I can stay
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away even longer for clubs. G never did anything after school so maybe she should be jealous of

my efforts. But she could still visit us. Mom wouldn’t have to know.

Ginger (Strength)

By Elaine (11)
I don’t know what to do. My new friend is sad all the time now. Her name is Freesia

which is cool because her name is a really pretty flower. Which is way cooler than my name,

which is super boring because there are two other Elaines in our grade. But that’s not the point!

Free is sad because her sister left. I think she must be awful to go and leave Free like that when it

makes her so sad. But Free says that Geranium was really cool and fun, so maybe she’s not all

bad. But her other sister Camellia is so boring, she never lets Free play at my house because she
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goes to so many boring clubs after school, so Free and I always have to play at school. It’s ok

though, because Free is really fun, she’s really good at tag and the popular girls are never mean

to her, so I’m lucky to be her friend. I won’t ever abandon her like that.

Part 3:
4 years later
Lilac (Pride)

By Camellia (18)

I’ve finally done it! I’m free of this wretched house and Mother’s effing rules. All those hours of

studying and clubs and networking paid off, because I’m out of here. I only have 8 more days.

Now all I have to do is cruise with my plans and I’ll finally be free and I did it all on my own.
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Goals/To do:

● Get into a good college

● Get the necessary scholarships

● Start emailing new roommate

● Make meal plans for Free, give her the recipe book

● Make a shopping schedule for Free

● Forge the signature on Free’s report card

● Go to the end of year conference

● Break the news to Mother

● Pack , not phone

● Buy bus tickets

● Tell Elaine to give Free my new email address (after I leave)

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Lavender (Distrust)

By Freesia (15)

I never should have trusted them, G or Cam. They're both the same, leaving me behind,

not understanding. It's their fault Mom's so upset, if they just did what they were supposed to do

we wouldn't have all these problems. Cam gave me these stupid recipes and schedules because

'Mom won't take care of things'. She's our mom, she can be forgetful sometimes, but that's

because she's never appreciated like she should be. Cam is always talking about the work she

does, for school, for home, for me, for Mom, but that's all whatever. Cam exaggerates

everything all the time, but if she really spent so much time looking after me, shouldn't she be

around more, rather than staying late for clubs and football games and the library and anything to
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keep her out of the house. She never even eats with Mom and I, she just tells us what

Tupperware to defrost for dinner. And on the weekends she never talks to me, she's always doing

homework or cooking for the week or cleaning. She's such a neat freak and if she was home

more she wouldn't have to cook so much and I could cook too.

Mom was way too calm when Cam told her about college, she's definitely furious, but I

guess she knows how stubborn Cam is. Mom doesn't believe in college, she says people go there

to waste money and time rather than working hard, she says working hard and working with the

land is the most valuable thing you can do with your life. And since Cam is leaving, Mom is

going to give me more responsibility and show me her way, so I can maintain our family

traditions.

Satin-Flower (Sincerity)

By Elaine (15)

Free was so angry today, she said that Cam had told them she's leaving for college out of

state in about a week. Free was raging about her sisters lacking loyalty and trustworthiness. I feel

bad for her, but I don't understand how she was surprised. Cam has wanted to go to college since

before I met Free. I believe she said something like biology or neuroscience, I don't remember.
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The point is that Cam is obsessed with school and utterly focused on leaving home. I don't blame

her really, after G left it seemed like they all got a lot more self-centered and closed off. Even

Free became a lot sadder, I don't know if we would have been friends if I'd met her after G left.

That kind of environment has got to make you go stir crazy, although I think Cam has always

had a bit of a drive to leave, given how responsible she seemed to feel. From what Free said she's

the one who takes care of all the practical things, like shopping, cooking, cleaning, school stuff,

etc. It's like she was a mini mom, like G and Cam were co-moms, considering how things

changed when G left. G seemed to cover emotional stuff, while Cam covers the practical.

Although, I don't know G that well, I'd only met her a few times before she left and she doesn't

visit too often and she never visited their mom and she hasn't even been back for 6 months,

which doesn't help things at all. I just don't understand why their Mom doesn't take care of things

or why she made G leave, that's not what moms are supposed to do. My mom says that families

function differently from one another, but I feel like it's more than that.
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Cactus (Endurance)

By Geranium (21)

Today was the worst, in the string of terrible months and weeks and years. My boss is an ass, my

roommates are so annoying and I just want to move and start over anywhere else. Although, I

guess I should know what starting over means by now. It means wearing out your welcome

couch surfing, selling or trashing or donating most of your stuff. It means renting a spot on a

couch while you try to work and finish high school. It means scraping up money for a bus ticket

anywhere and ending up in a string of crappy towns and crappy jobs, knowing you can't go

home. It means any life you find feels sour because this path wasn't your choice. It means

leaning into the person you are now and it means bitterness and not wanting to visit your not-

home anymore because you aren't allowed to be that person anymore, anyways. It means hearing

family news from your baby sister's best friend via email and it just feels effing bad. I used to

look forward to sneaking sister meetings + Elaine. Flying to my not-home for the first time,
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seeing my sisters grow up through emails and postcards. Those memories hurt, but they're still

my bright spots for now. Although, who knows if Free will even talk to me anymore, Elaine said

that she's really angry about Cam and me. And I assume Mother is using that to her advantage

like always. But whatever, it’s not me anymore and this me wants to be done with it.

Part 4:
1 week before the Funeral

Blue Violet (Watchfulness & Faithfulness)

By Elaine (19)

I can’t stop shaking. I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this. How in the hell is anyone

supposed to deal with this. She was...well she was barely a mother to anyone, but she was always

there and Free loved her. I don’t understand how it could have come to this...Dahlia was alive,

living, breathing, scolding, gardening just a few days ago. Free was destroyed, I could barely

understand her when she called me and I had to try and translate her cries for the detectives. But
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Free has been sleeping on my couch since; she doesn’t want to go home...well I guess it isn’t

quite home anymore. I didn’t know what else to do but call G and Camellia, Free is in no state to

think about funeral arrangements and I can’t take care of them because I’m not a part of the

family. I don’t know what I’ll tell Free, she hasn’t seen much of her sisters in the last four years,

Cam didn’t tend to visit much after she left for college and G moved even further away. So for

the most part it’s just been Free and I. Neither of us really have other friends, and since my folks

work a lot and Dahlia started to take on more out of state jobs, we’ve tended to spend most of

our time together, switching between our two homes. Frick I’m going off on a tangent, I’m

honestly not in a great state of mind right now. Everything is just so crazy right now and there’s

no way it can go back to normal. I wish there was some way for me to tell if I’m doing the right

thing.

Cypress (Mourning)

By Geranium (25)

I just got off the phone with Elaine. Dahlia is dead and I can’t believe it. I don’t even know what

to think. Elaine said they’re still figuring out the details of what happened and Free is distraught.

I can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve spent years wishing she was gone so I could visit Free
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more often. But now that she’s gone all I feel is hollow. I thought I’d be happy. It’s not like she

was a good person or a good mother. She was never very touchy feely: she’d never put band aids

on your knee or praise your grades or come to your soccer games or tell us when we looked nice

or talked to us about dating or gave us lunch money or remember to pick you up from school.

But somehow, I still miss parts of her, parts that I haven’t thought about in years. How she used

to take us camping when we were really young (even if it was just to get us to ‘vibe’ with nature)

or how she was the queen of combining leftovers, even though she was an atrocious cook (she

was a vegetarian who delighted in the use of as many spices as possible) or how she was always

taking family pictures (although her captions were always terrible, like March 31st, the day Free

pooped her pants or June 7th, the day Cam cried because we ran over a dog or September 3rd,

the day G trashed her room after a terrible picture day, etc.…). She was never really good with

feelings, I’m not sure she understood how cruel she could be or how much responsibility she

neglected over the years. It was a slippery slope: she’d give us more and more weekly chores that

began to include things like cooking dinner or making sure that she had enough money in the

bank for bills or to find our own way home from school. She was terrible, but I think I somehow

still cared about her in small ways, for the person she was when I was really young. I don’t know

if that makes me a hypocrite since I was always the first to start a fight and I haven’t seen her in

nearly eight years, although I guess I won’t ever see her again now.
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Dog Rose (Pleasure and Pain)

By Camellia (22)

She’s dead. My mother is dead. I’ll never have to worry about her bothering me or

putting responsibility on me again. I feel like a weight has come off my chest, I’ve always

wanted to be free of her and all her baggage and now I am. It feels good to know that I don’t

have to worry about her anymore, but also bad? Like, I feel like this should be more devastating,

losing my mom right after my college graduation. I mean it hurts, knowing that my world is

changed, knowing that I’ll never be able to talk to her again, to tell her how awful she was to me,

to us. It hurts to know that I couldn’t fix her. I couldn’t take on enough responsibility for her, that

I couldn’t stick around and that I didn’t even know enough about what was wrong with her to

know what to do. And if I couldn’t deal with her, how can I ever help Free. Elaine said she’s

devastated and I know that Free was alone with our mom for years and may well be headed

down that same path. I’ve gotten a flight home for tomorrow, but I don’t know what I’m going to
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say. I know that they probably just want me there to organize things for the funeral, but maybe

this could be an opportunity for us to reconnect; now that Dahlia is gone

Primrose (I can’t live without you)

By Freesia (19)

I don’t even know what to say. I literally can’t even put what I’m feeling into words. I still can’t

get it out of my head: the blood, her eyes (too wide, blank and bulging). My mom is dead and I

don’t even know what happened, I just went to the store for gummy worms and vanilla coke, we

were supposed to watch a movie together, since she’s been (was) traveling so much. But when I

opened the door everything was quiet, so I went to find her, thinking she just went to the garden

for something. She was in the garden, but she was gone, dead. She was splayed on the ground,

gushing blood from her head. Did she trip on a rock? Did someone hit her? I started crying and

screaming. I ran to her, there was so much blood, too much blood. I was trying to make it stop, to

pick her up to help her, but she was already so cold, too cold. I’d barely been gone 45 minutes,
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too long, because I stopped to smell the flowers. She was lying in a flower bed, watering it with

her blood, nourishing it like she’d done with her sweat, her hard work. Maybe she would’ve

liked that, although she hates (hated) poetry. I don’t know how long I was there before I started

to hear people. I’d been frozen in all the important ways. I was trying to help, but what help was

I? I don’t know first aid and I didn’t remember to call 911. The neighbors eventually called, once

they heard my screaming. They pulled me away from her, I was on autopilot. Then there was a

blanket and smiling paramedics and then Elaine. She held me as they took her away, as they took

me to the hospital, as the police talked to me and as I tried in vain to fall asleep that night. Elaine

says that G and Cam are coming home, but all I could say is that there is no home anymore, not

with Mom gone. Elaine says that I could make a new home with G and Cam, but the only home I

have right is Elaine.

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Part 5: Epilogue,
After the Funeral
Bittersweet (Truth)

After the funeral the truth came out. The findings of the medical examiner stated that

Dahlia had died of a brain aneurysm. Apparently, years of not going to the doctor and a poorly

maintained vegetarian diet had added up. The news really helped Free as she now understood

there wasn’t anything she could’ve done, even if she had been there. G and Cam just seemed

relieved that there were no potential legal or criminal issues to deal with. Cam seemed to have

softened after everything calmed down, like her sharp edges had died with Dahlia and G seemed

a lot happier and was talking about moving home to be with Free. Cam talked about setting up

family trips and frequent skype calls and Free finally seemed to be thinking about a future

outside of their mother’s business. Their inheritance was small, because their mother had

invested most of her money into plants, but it didn’t matter at this point. The three of them plan
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to sell their house and donate or take many of the more valuable plants and G and Free are

talking about living together, with me as well. After selling the house the money can be used for

Free and G to finally go to college and I’ll have a good place to live as I finish my degree.

Perhaps this should’ve been a story of us moving even further apart: G and Cam refusing to

come for the funeral, Me moving out of state for school and Free running her life into the ground

(she is not a business minded person), but honestly the thing that pulled their family apart is gone

and now they’re like another piece of my family. I wouldn’t say things were perfect, because

family doesn’t always get along, but choosing to care and consider each other family really

makes a difference.

—Elaine Marie Winslow

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Freesia (Innocence/Trust) Scarlet Geranium (Consolation/Melancholy)

Camellia (Admiration/Perfection) Dahlia (Dignity, Elegance, Instability)