Youth & Singles

Breakfast Meeting
@
Redeemed Christian Church of God,
City of Favour Parish, Isolo.
1/11/2014
1st November, 2014. 1
 Relationship:
Practical Christian Courtship &
Expectations
By:

OluwaToyin Idowu

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 What are your expectations at this meeting?

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 Bible Texts
Prov. 24 : 27 NIV
Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields
ready; after that, build your house.
Prov. 24 : 27 KJV
Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself
in the field; and afterwards build thine house.

Gen. 2 : 18 NIV
The Lord God said, “it is not good for the man to be
alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”.
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 Bible Texts (Cont’d)
1 Cor. 7 vs. 36
KJV
But if any man think that he behaveth himself
uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her
age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he
sinneth not: let them marry.
NIV
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting
honorably towards the virgin he is engaged to, and if his
passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry,
he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They
should get married.
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 Why Should Marital Relationships Be
Prioritized By Christians?
 The first institution God established was marriage – Gen
2 vs. 18

 Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding – John 2 vs. 1 to

11

 The analogy of eternity was done using marriage –

Matthew 25 vs. 1-13
.

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 …Further Reasonings

Our Relationships versus three (3) things people

consider to be more important in life:
1.Money

It is the least of God’s blessings! A lot of

“dummies” (people call them idiots) who don’t
know as much as you know are rolling in
millions. Therefore, anyone can make money!
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 2. Fame

Many wicked, manipulative individuals are

popular through sacrilegious activities and still
people
suck-up to them. Therefore, anyone can be
famous!
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 3. Career (Education)

Many mediocre or dullards (people call them

“fools”) you knew while in school graduated. A
lot of known illiterates are now well educated
and advanced. Therefore, anyone can be learned!

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 Let’s Be Sincere Here…
 How many wicked souls, how many “idiots” or
how many “fools” have you seen make:

 Good husbands?
 Good wives?
 Good fathers?
 Good mothers?
 Good homes or have good marriages?

What does this analysis tell you?

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 Some Bitter Truths About Relationship
Hosea 4 VS. 6
 Relationship is work and you can’t afford to be lazy if you want
it to work. Even “if” you marry a perfect partner, you still need
to work it out.
 There is no perfect relationship. If there is anything that looks
like perfection, It’s nothing but pretence and hypocrisy!
 Christians don’t test run relationships as it is common in the
world.
 There is no bad relationship but just two un-understanding/un-
informed/selfish people
 You may not know everything about your partner but you
should know what will be crucial in helping you take a concrete
decision
 Knowing the will of God is important so also love, but you need
more than these two to sustain your relationship
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 Now, What Is Christian Courtship?

Luke 14 vs. 28 - 32
It is a period of time where two people of opposite
sex who are interested in each other and have agreed to
marry pursue and study themselves to get used to each
other in order to prepare themselves for marriage.

Simply put, courtship period is a

preparatory/counting- the-cost stage.

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 Before Courtship, note these…

Courtship is dating with a purpose, so only enter into courtship

with who you can marry and when you are ready to be committed
to a serious relationship
It is not really an age thing so it’s difficult to put age limit
Maturity (mental & spiritual) is key, but most times, it comes
with age
Don’t jump, you must have been praying and seeking God’s
will in marriage

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 Warning

 Courtship period is a foundation laying period, whatever you

do in the process determines its success or failure
 Christian Courtship is not a modified version of the world’s
boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with the only real
modification being no pregnancy before marriage!
 It is not the same as Marriage. So there are still limitations.
 Courtship only starts when marriage proposal is made and
acceptance is said or received. Never assume you are in
courtship yet until verbal confirmation is made.
 Be careful of “let-us-be-friends-for-now” syndrome
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 Important Areas To Focus During Courtship

1.Spiritual Growth

2.Communication

3.Conflict Resolution

4.General Conduct
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 1. Spiritual Growth

 If truly you are Christians, you will want to model

your relationship after God’s will
 This includes growing together in spiritual matters
 Laying the foundation of your home with prayers and
the word of God because as you lay your bed, so you
lie on it.
 Accountability to someone who has been there before
is important
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 2. Communication

It is a process of expressing ideas and feelings or of

giving people information.
While communicating with your partner;
•Avoid ambiguity, come out very clearly
•Don’t assume your partner will figure out what’s on
your mind
•Don’t communicate on your own terms, rather, always
come down to your partner’s level of understanding

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 Aspects You Shouldn’t Overlook in Communication

You should communicate in terms of:

1.Individual vision/ambition for alignment
2.Finance
3.In-laws/families
4.Sex

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 3. Conflict Resolution a.k.a. Reconciliation

 It is a process involved in facilitating the peaceful ending

of conflict among intending couples.
 Conflicts are normal between two people if they are
sincere with themselves
 Whatever “major” issues you don’t resolve during
courtship will be tough for you to resolve in marriage and
they always pose problems.
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 How Do You Respond When You’re Hurt About
Your Partner’s Attitude or Behavior?
 Do you get mad inside but keep quiet with "silent" treatment?
 Do you withdraw to a safe distance because you don't want
trouble?
 Do you get angry, criticize, call names, use sarcasm or some
other aggressive behaviour like not picking calls or sending
annoying text messages?
 Do you give in with a big sigh and agree in order to avoid
conflict?
 Do you deny or pretend that "everything is okay"?

WARNING!!!
Whichever of these you result into, be sure that you are not in a healthy
relationship!
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 In Conflict Resolution…

 Be slow to speak/act – Proverbs 29:20

 Focus on that issue rather than attacking each other
 Be honest about your emotions, but keep them under
control. Proverbs 29:11
 Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what
is important, not who wins or loses.
 Never say anything derogatory about your mate’s
personality. Proverbs 11:12

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 4. General Conduct - Don’t give rise to scandal !

 Be available to make your relationship work. In the midst of

all the distractions, courting partners must make some
sacrifices to be available with each other. However we should
note Prov 25:17
 Break every soul tie. To have a successful courtship, you
must be prepared to break up any relationship you have
earlier established with any other party.
 You need to set rules and boundaries for your courtship E.g.
No matter how mad your partner drives you, you don’t hit or
use vulgar words
 Maintain sexual purity. Sex is for marriage and not for
courtship. To have sex before marriage is a serious
distraction.
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 Salient but crucial…

During courtship, you must seek to know your partner’s:

Principles. A moral rule or belief that influences your
actions. What beliefs or values guide you as you build your
relationships?
Values. What he or she holds dear in life…most important
things in life to him or her
Study to understand the psychology behind the opposite
sex generally.
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 Any Possibilities to Pull Out?
YES!

But When?

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 Any Possibilities to Pull Out? (Cont’d)

When you experience continuous fear or loss of peace

When physical abuse is involved
When lust is in control
When there is lack of commitment
When there is lack of respect
When either party is not honest and straight forward
When there is incompatibility as it relates to health
e.g. genotype

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 : thoyinid@hotmail.com
: Oluwatoyin Nomoreloss Idowu
: @ThoyinIdowu
: 08023092497
:: : www.toyinnomoreloss.blogspot.com

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