DEN OF DELAYS

Written by

Dafawfulizer

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INT. BAR

The inside of the bar looks reletively modern. Various

characters with games stuck in development hell can be seen
hanging out. RAZPUITN AQUATO sits at the bar, eagerly
watching a trailer for his new game, Psychonauts 2, on one of
the TVs.

He’s visibly excited as he sees the brand new and heavily

psychadelic mind shown off, accompanied by Jack Black’s
vocals. His excitement quickly turns to disappointment the
moment he sees the 2021 release window.

JOEY
(Snarkily)
Oh look, another delay.

Raz turns to see JOEY CLAIRE, the protagonist of Hiveswap,

holding an empty glass. She has bags under her eyes from
sleep deprivation and her hair is clearly unkempt. Raz sighs.

JOEY (CONT'D)
You can’t tell me you’re not
surprised. This was obviously going
to happen with COVID and all.

RAZPUTIN
(Downtrodden)
Yeah, I know. It just really hurts
seeing it right after such a great
trailer.

JOEY
If I’m not mistaken, this is the
second time your game’s been
delayed, right?

RAZPUTIN
Third actually.

The door to the bar opens up and the two of them look to see
AYANO AISHI, also known as Yandere Chan, in her typical
school uniform, covered in blood.

AYANO
I’ll be with you guys in a second.
I just need to wash off.

JOEY
(Casually)
Take your time.

AYANO walks toward a back room.

 2.

RAZPUTIN
(A little confused)
Remind me again why she gets to
leave all the time.

JOEY
Her game’s in early access, so each
new patch counts as a new release.
Of course, since the game’s not
finished yet, she has to come back
almost immediately.

RAZPUTIN
Must be sad. Who knows when her
game will be finished?

Joey knows Raz well enough to see what he’s trying to do.

JOEY
Oh no you don’t.

RAZPUTIN
What?

JOEY
Don’t try to deflect from the
subject at hand. We’re talking
about you and your game. You don’t
get to wiggle out of this one.

Joey turns to the bartender and slams her glass down on the
counter.

JOEY (CONT'D)
Hey Gordon, top me off will ya?

Gordon Freeman walks over to Joey and pours some scotch into
her glass. Joey looks to Raz.

JOEY (CONT'D)
You want anything?

RAZPUTIN
No thanks, I’m fine.

JOEY
Suit yourself.

Joey takes a sizable swig from her glass.

JOEY (CONT'D)
So, three delays huh? That’s gotta
hurt.
 3.

RAZPUTIN
Yeah, it really does. But I’m sure
that just means the games going to
be even better. You know what they
say. “A delayed game will be good
eventually.”

Joey cuts in and finishes the quote

JOEY
“But a rushed game will be forever
bad.” Yeah I know. Everyone knows
the Miyamoto quote Raz. It’s
literally this place’s motto.

Raz looks behind Gordon and sees the exact quote hanging on a
wall decoration.

RAZPUTIN
(Under his breath)
How did I not notice that?

JOEY
So, I guess that means you haven’t
given up yet?

Raz sounds a lot more optimistic as he answers.

RAZPUTIN
Of course not. Especially with
Microsoft helping them out now, I’m
sure it’ll be done soon enough.

Raz pauses a moment.

RAZPUTIN (CONT'D)
(Uncomfortably)
Have you lost hope?

Joey laughs

JOEY
(Sarcastically)
What do you think?

She gestures toward her disheveled appearance.

RAZPUTIN
Why? There was a trailer for
Hiveswap Act 2 a couple of months
ago.
 4.

JOEY
Yeah, Act 2. Out of 4. 3 years
after the first act.

Razputin winces

JOEY (CONT'D)
Even when the game does come out,
I’ll be right back here in a matter
of days, waiting for the next one.
I can’t say I like the odds of all
four coming out and being a
worthwhile experience.

RAZPUTIN
I see your point.

JOEY
And I’m stuck here until they
finish the game, cancel it, or go
out of business.

She pauses for a moment.

JOEY (CONT'D)
But whatever. I’ve already been
here 8 years. As long as I got the
booze, who needs the game?

Raz looks visibly uncomfortable.

JOEY (CONT'D)
That reminds me. I don’t think I’ve
seen someone as optimistic, yet
eager to get out of here as you
are. What’s your secret?

RAZPUTIN
Well, my last game was critically
acclaimed, ended on a cliffhanger,
and people have been begging for a
sequel ever since. That should be
enough reason.

JOEY
(Dismissively)
Nope. Doesn’t fit.

RAZPUTIN
What?
 5.

JOEY
There are plenty of people like
that here. It’s gotta be something
else. Maybe something personal.

Joey notices a photo sticking out of Raz’s pocket. She

quickly snatches it. Raz tries to grab it, but Joey holds it
just out of his reach. She takes a close look and sees Raz
with his arms wraped around Hat Kid.

JOEY (CONT'D)
Holy crap! You and Hat Kid were a
thing? How didn’t I notice?

RAZPUTIN
She wasn’t here for long by the
time I showed up. We only had about
a year of overlap, but I’ll be
damned if it wasn’t the most
fulfilling relationship I’ve ever
had.

JOEY
(Smugly)
Naughty, naughty Raz. What would
Lily say if she saw this?

RAZPUTIN
Hey, Lily’s still my girlfriend.
What me and Hat Kid has was
different. It’s a connection that
only two protagonists from similar
games can have.

JOEY
Fair enough.

RAZPUTIN
I still remember the day she left
like it was yesterday.

INT. DEN OF DELAYS 2017

The bar looks the same as it does in the present, just with a
few different characters. Hat Kid is standing by the door
with a couple of suitcases, talking with Raz.

RAZPUTIN
(a bit sad)
So, today’s the day, huh?
 6.

HAT KID
(Excited)
I know. It’s been 4 years, but it’s
finally time!

RAZPUTIN
(Nervously)
Are you sure this is a good time?

HAT KID
Raz, are you trying to get me to
stay?

RAZPUTIN
I’m just nervous ok. I mean, your
game’s coming out the same month as
Mario Odyssey.

HAT KID
So, should I just keep waiting here
until I end up like Duke Nukem?

Raz looks a bit embarassed.

RAZPUTIN
I’m sorry. It’s just- I know the
sting of having your game
underpreform.

HAT KID
A Hat in Time isn’t going to sell
as badly as Psychonauts originally
did.

Raz looks a bit insulted. Hat Kid notices this and grabs his
hand.

HAT KID (CONT'D)

(Trying to reassure him)
And neither will Psychonauts 2.

RAZPUTIN
What?

HAT KID
It isn’t 2005 anymore. 3D
platformers are in demand again.

RAZPUTIN
(Appearing more confident)
Yeah. You’re right.
 7.

HAT KID
Together we’re gonna show Mario
he’s not the only one who can make
a good 3D platformer these days.

RAZPUTIN
Finally! Someone’s gotta knock that
guy off his high horse.

HAT KID
And who better to do it than us?

RAZPUTIN
Hell yeah! But, can we at least
take a picture before we go?

HAT KID
Sure.

She tosses her camera badge to Gordon. They strike the same
pose as in the photograph Razputin was just holding.

INT. DEN OF DELAYS 2020

RAZPUTIN
And that’s how it happened.

JOEY
(Casually)
Damn, that’s a tearjerker if I’ve
ever heard one.

AYANO
Hey guys.

Ayano walks over to them wearing a maid outfit.

AYANO (CONT'D)
Sorry I took so long. This is the
only clean outfit they had.

JOEY
(Sarcastically)
Sure. Whatever you say.

RAZPUTIN
So, how was the patch?

AYANO
(Cheerfully)
Oh, it was a lot of fun. A bit slow
like always, but I’m sure he’ll fix
that soon.
 8.

JOEY
(Rolling her eyes)
Yeah, I’m sure.

AYANO
In fact, I think Osana’s almost
done.

Joey spits her drink straight in Ayano’s face and starts

laughing so hard she falls out of her chair. After a few deep
breaths, she calms down and picks herself back up. Ayano is
not amused.

AYANO (CONT'D)
Well there’s no need to be that
much of a buzzkill about it.

JOEY
(Still laughing)
I think there is. You need to face
facts. Your game is even more
doomed than mine! That pervert’s
playing you like a fiddle.

AYANO
(Suddenly angry)
Don’t you dare talk about Senpai
that way!

JOEY
When’s the last time “Senpai” has
made your game run at more than 10
frames a second?

Raz realizes the discussion isn’t going to go anywhere unless

he steps in.

RAZPUTIN
Joey, can you let me handle this?

JOEY
(About to burst out
laughing again)
Sure, whatever you say.

Joey steps back, Ayano appears to calm down a little, seeming

more sad than angry.

AYANO
You believe me, right Raz? You
don’t think he’s leading me on, do
you?

Raz is somewhat uncomfortable dealing with this

 9.

RAZPUTIN
Not necessarily. But you gotta keep
in mind, he’s one guy trying to
make the equivalent of a 60 dollar
game. I just think he’s bitten off
more than he can chew and can’t
admit it to himself.

Ayano gets angry again.

AYANO
No, you’re wrong! Senpai’s
perfectly capable of doing this!
Everyone’s just out to get him!
Like the twitch moderators banning
our game!

RAZPUTIN
Wait, wasn’t that because you were
taking panty shots of underage
girls?

AYANO
Oh please, that’s a ridiculous
reason. They don’t know what the
age of consent at Akademi High is.

Joey starts laughing even harder

JOEY
Is that really the best excuse he
could come up with?

RAZPUTIN
Even you have to admit, this isn’t
helping your case.

AYANO
It’s not just them. It’s also
philistines like you!

Ayano points to Joey

AYANO (CONT'D)
And all those damn emails he’s been
getting!

JOEY
(Dripping with sarcasm)
Sure it is.

AYANO
(Clearly Struggling)
And, and, and
 10.

She looks over and notices SAMUS ARAN who has her helmet off,
but is wearing the rest of her power suit. She’s standing a
couple feet away

AYANO (CONT'D)
Her!

She points to Samus.

AYANO (CONT'D)
You have some nerve showing your
face here slut!

Samus turns to face Ayano.

SAMUS
Did you just call me a slut? You’re
literally wearing a maid outfit.

AYANO
That’s not important. You’re the
one trying to take Senpai away from
me!

SAMUS
Wait, are you talking about your
crush in the game, or your
developer?

AYANO
You should know which one.

Samus sighs.

SAMUS
Look, I don’t want to be here
either, but Metroid Prime 4’s
source code mysteriously got
deleted, so I’m stuck here for a
while.

AYANO
Serves you right!

SAMUS
Also, right after the code was
lost, the team noticed that one of
the developers had been stabbed to
death and some used panties were
found by his body. You wouldn’t
happen to know anything about that,
would you?

Ayano instantly starts blushing.

 11.

AYANO
(Awkwardly)
Um, no. I guess it’s just karma for
trying to seduce Yandere-dev.

SAMUS
(Clearly irritated at this
point)
Look, I don’t care about your
developer. I’m confident in showing
off my body, but even I think he’s
gross.

A look of pure rage appears on Ayano’s face as she takes out

her knife.

AYANO
You’ll pay for those words!

SAMUS
What are you going to do with that?
I have bombs and missles.

AYANO
Well, I have a psychic.

Raz is caught off guard by this.

RAZPUTIN
You do?

JOEY
(Enthusiastically)
Yeah, get her Raz!

Raz turnes to Joey, befuddled.

RAZPUTIN
Wait, why are you on Ayano’s side
now?

JOEY
Ayano may be crazy, but Samus is a
nintendo character. I’ve been
wanting to see one of these
entitled rich kids bleed.

Raz looks over to Samus

RAZPUTIN
Well, I’ll see what I can do.

Raz closes his eyes and reads Samus’s mind.

 12.

SAMUS (V.O.)
Oh god, do I really have to do
this? This poor girl’s been
brainwashed by that hack developer.
I can’t say I blame her. I trusted
Team Ninja and look where that got
me. I haven’t had a single non-
remake since then. I suppose it
could be worse. I could’ve ended up
like Olimar or

Samus shivers

SAMUS (V.O.)
Captain Falcon. Is this my fault?
Is this because I turned down
Mario’s offer? Has he been
sabotoging me ever since?

Raz opens his eyes and gasps.

RAZPUTIN
(Fairly monotone)
Leave her alone Ayano.

AYANO
(Shocked)
What?

RAZPUTIN
She’s just waiting for her next
game, same as the rest of us.

Samus looks at Raz, realizing he looked into her mind and is

wondering how much he saw.

RAZPUTIN (CONT'D)
Not every nintendo character is an
entitled douche like Mario.

SAMUS
Trust me, you don’t know the half
of it.

JOEY
Oh really?

Joey holds up her glass.

JOEY (CONT'D)
Why don’t you join us then, dish
some dirt on the man in red.

Samus appears really nervous.

 13.

SAMUS
I think I should go check on
Olimar. Someone might have stepped
on him.

She hurries away from the group.

JOEY
Did you see what she was talking
about?

RAZPUTIN
No, I didn’t get that far.

AYANO
Was she actually manipulating
Senpai?

Joey gives her a look of deranged irritation.

RAZPUTIN
No, she’s not out to get you. If
anything, I think she felt bad for
you.

AYANO
Really?

She sits down and appears to be deep in thought.

RAZPUTIN
Are you alright?

AYANO
Yeah. I’m just starting to consider
the fact you might be right.

JOEY
(Ecstatically)
Finally!

AYANO
No need to sound so enthusiastic
about it.

JOEY
Hey, I’m not rooting for you to be
miserable.

Joey takes a sip of her scotch. By this point, Gordon has

just given her the whole bottle.
 14.

JOEY (CONT'D)
I just want ya to accept the truth.
And the truth is, Raz is different
from us.

AYANO
What do you mean?

RAZPUTIN
Yeah, what do you mean I’m
different?

JOEY
I mean your developer. We’re here
because we’ve been neglected, but
I’ve seen the way Tim acts in
interviews.

RAZPUTIN
What do you mean?

JOEY
The dude loves you like you’re his
son.

RAZPUTIN
(A little bitter)
He has a funny way of showing it,
taking this long to make a sequel.

JOEY
Hey, I never said he was a
competant businessman. His studio’s
games don’t sell that well, so he
probably didn’t have the resouces
to make the sequel he felt you
deserved.

Raz sighs and cheers up a bit.

RAZPUTIN
Yeah you’re probably right. What
about your development team though?
I’m sure they care about you. They
released that dating sim.

JOEY
Oh right, Friendsim. A friendship
simulator featuring basically every
character in my game other than me.

Raz feels a little embarassed.

 15.

RAZPUTIN
Ok, I see your point.

JOEY
Even when they get around to making
the other acts, I doubt they’ll be
any good.

RAZPUTIN
What are you talking about? I
thought Act 1 was good.

AYANO
Yeah, how do you have animations
that fluid?

JOEY
Well for one, you hire a coder who
knows what they’re doing.

Ayano looks annoyed. Raz turns to her.

RAZPUTIN
To be fair, you kind of walked into
that one.

JOEY
But look at what the Homestuck
creators have been making recently.
It’s all, meta this, edgy that.
They added a character named Yiffy
for god’s sake.

Ayano starts laughing.

AYANO
Wow, even Senpai isn’t that
perverted.

Joey raises her finger as if she’s going to make a point, but

slowly lowers it.

JOEY
I don’t have a comeback for that. I
don’t have a comeback for feaking
Yandere-Chan!

Ayano laughs some more.

JOEY (CONT'D)
At least your dev’s up front about
being a pervert. These guys are
just as horny, but they act all
progressive.
(MORE)
 16.

JOEY (CONT'D)
Oh we’re so woke and we’ll prove it
by retconning evryone to be trans.

RAZPUTIN
Wait, seriously?

JOEY
Yeah, Vriska’s trans, Roxy’s trans,
John’s going to be, Sollux is
implied, and I think Eridan is
gender nonconforming.

AYANO
(Jokingly)
It’s only a matter of time before
they make you trans.

The three of them start laughing, but Joey’s laughter is much

more uncomfortable. She colapses to the ground. Raz and Ayano
rush to see if she’s alright.

RAZPUTIN
Oh my god! Joey! Are you ok?

JOEY
(Freaking out)
Do I look ok? Oh my god this can’t
be happening! They can’t do this to
me!

RAZPUTIN
What’s wrong?

JOEY
Ayano just told you what’s wrong.
They’re gonna make me trans! I
don’t wanna be trans! I like being
a girl! They can’t take this away
from me!

RAZPUTIN
(Trying to calm her down)
They’re not going to do that.

JOEY
How do you know? You barely pay
attention to these idiots. I do! I
know what they’re like, and this is
totally something they’d pull!

Raz is about to speak up, but goes silent. He doesn’t have an

answer.
 17.

He reaches for his psycho portal, hoping he can help her from
inside her mind, but before he can take it out, Ayano kneels
down next to Joey and starts running her fingers through
Joey’s hair.

AYANO
There, there, it’s going to be ok.

Joey, having started crying at this point, sniffles a bit as

she talks.

JOEY
No it’s not. They’re gonna reach
inside me and rip my freaking
gender away. Just like that.

Ayano speaks in a calming, almost motherly tone.

AYANO
They can’t do that to you.

JOEY
They can’t, but they will anyway.

AYANO
No, I mean that’s literally not how
it works. You should already know
this.

Joey is a bit confused by this.

JOEY
I should?

AYANO
Well, you have been following my
game’s development, haven’t you?
That’s how you got all those ideas
about Senpai.

JOEY
I guess. I don’t know what you’re
talking about though.

AYANO
Back when they game first started,
it was a goofy, memey experiance. I
was the entertaining, overly
emotional psychopath, hellbent on
getting one boy’s love.

Joey sniffles a bit.

 18.

JOEY
I guess I remember that.

AYANO
Right. Anyway, Senpai later came up
with a backstory for me. He said I
was an emotionless husk my entire
life. Except for when I was around
the boy of my dreams. Do I seem
like an emotionless husk to you?

JOEY
No.

AYANO
Exactly. I act like that in the
game, because I’m doing my job, but
outside of it, I’m just as
emotional as always.

JOEY
Yeah, but that’s just mental stuff.
What if they have me pysically
transition?

RAZPUTIN
When would they have time to do
that?

Ayano dismisses him.

AYANO
That wouldn’t stick either.
Remember Samus?

JOEY
Of course I do, she was over here 5
minutes ago.

AYANO
Well, I know from Senpai’s browsing
history that she’s quite the well
endowed woman. But then, all of a
sudden, probably due to public
backlash, Sakurai made her get a
boob reduction. But outside the
games, her boobs are just as big
and perky as ever.

Joey starts to calm down and even smiles.

JOEY
Really?
 19.

AYANO
Really.

JOEY
Wait, how do you know that? Isn’t
she always wearing her suit?

AYANO
Not in the shower she isn’t. I’ve
checked at least six times and
they’re just as big as ever.

There’s an awkward silence.

RAZPUTIN
Ayano, is there something you want
to tell us?

AYANO
(Still just as calm)
No, I don’t think there is.

She picks Joey up.

AYANO (CONT'D)
You’ve been drinking too much. We
should get you some ice cream.
That’s something kids are supposed
to like, right?

Joey gives a truly childlike smile.

JOEY
I think I’d like that.

AYANO
Raz, you coming?

RAZPUTIN
In a second. I have something I
gotta do first.

Ayano and Joey walk off toward a staircase in the back. Raz
pulls out his picture of him and Hat Kid. Luckily it wasn’t
damaged, despite Joey’s nasty scotch breath.

RAZPUTIN (CONT'D)
This should be when it drops in the
outside world.

He closes his eyes and uses clairvoyance on the photo.

 20.

INT. HAT KID’S SPACE SHIP

Raz sees through Hat Kid’s eyes. She’s
ship and is watching TV. Specifically,
Psychonauts 2 trailer. She seems to be
she sees the delayed release date. Raz
up in frustration at that point.
inside her usual space
she’s watching the new
enjoying herself until
notizes her body tense

Then, Hat Kid gets out of her chair and heads to the
bathroom.

RAZPUTIN
Oh crap. I can’t watch that.

Raz is about to exit the clairvoyance until he hears Hat

Kid’s voice.

HAT KID
Don’t leave yet Raz, I’m not
actually using the bathroom.

Raz is caught off guard by this.

RAZPUTIN
(Under his breath)
She can tell?

HAT KID
Yes I can tell. I spent a year with
you, I think I can recognize your
influence.

Hat Kid enters the bathroom and looks in the mirror by the
sink. Raz notices she has the picture of them taped to it.

HAT KID (CONT'D)

I just figured you’d want to see my
face for this.

Hat Kid takes a deep breath.

HAT KID
I don’t know what you’re feeling
right now, but I have a pretty good
idea. I just want you to remember
that it gets better. Your game is
gonna be great and you’ll finally
get the recognition you deserve.
We’ll meet again soon enough. Bye.