vorite MLIA posts o.

Today, I got asked out by a new kid, Jacob, at my school. My boyfriend overheard and introduced
himself as my boyfriend, Edward. Standing there in the awkward silence, I remembered my name is
Isabella. I burst out laughing and Jacob got offended and left. MLIA

Today, I called pizza hut and said "Is this the Krusty Krab?" the man then proceeded to say "No this is
Patrick." I have never gotten more excited in my life. MLIA

I am utterly addicted to caffeine, but out of effort to be healthy I am trying to go all of today without it.
Tonight we are having our Bible study at Starbucks, and the topic for tonight is temptation. I do believe
God has a sense of humor. MLIA

Today, on the train, I was by two very obnoxious twilight girls. For about 20 minutes they were
describing, in extremely explicit and disgusting detail, their sexual fantasies about Edward. Finally, I got
fed up, and explained to them that since Edward has no blood flowing through his body, it's impossible
for him to get an erection. In their stunned stupor, I was applauded by the rest of the passengers. MLIA.

Today, we had to cut something out in class. Our teacher had little kid safety scissors for us to use. I was
joking around about how they couldn't cut anything and put them to my finger. I cut my finger. MLIA

Today, while home alone, I answered the phone. It was a person calling for my dad. Smart, I replied "He
is in the shower". The man replied, "Ok, I'll try his cell." I'm still confused. MLIA.

Today, while on the bus home from high school i was singing a christmas song under my breath. A
couple versus into the song i realized the two girls sitting behind me were singing harmony and beat
boxing along to the song. They are my new best friends. MLIA

Today I was giving a speech to my entire school and all the parents, and at the end our guest speaker
came on stage and spoke beside me. She told everyone that she had to leave early, so naturally I
responded "oh, thats a shitty." I mixed up shame and pity. No-one believes me. MLIA.
Today, I got a care package for my college exams from my church. Inside, I found several bags of chips,
dunkaroos, oreos, lollipops, Ramen noodles, hot cocoa powder, a finger bowling set, a sticky hand that
you fling and grab things with, and noise putty. I'm really glad my church knows what is important, and I
believe there are some MLIAers there. MLIA.

I was in Barnes and Nobels looking for books. I happen to notice Miley Cyrus's book. I take it off the shelf
to find some way to make fun. When I put it back, it falls. I put it back again. More fall. Some girl walks
by, and decides to be kind to help me. Then she says, "It's shameless the way Miley throws herself at
people, isn't it?"

Today, I was in Physics class and my teacher was letting us revise for our exams. I was playing Michael
Jackson on my iPod, and without noticing started singing 'Bad' out loud. It resulted in the entire class
joining in, and my teacher walking calmly to the back of the room then doing a moonwalk down the
aisle. MLIA.

Today, I was fiddling with my pen between my fingers when suddenly my hand spasmed and my fingers
flicked it up into the air. The pen landed in my pocket right way up. Not one person saw. They did,
however, see my many failed attempts to re-create the event. MLIA

The other day, I was trying to convince my dad to let me go to a friend's house even though I was
grounded. After several failed attempts, I told him about our plans to dress up as bushes and scare
people outside the mall. He immediately agreed to let me go and offered to drive. MLIA

Today, a boy in my History class drew a watch on his wrist with marker, showing our lunch time. He told
our teacher it was time for lunch, and pointed to his wrist. He believed him, and we went to lunch 25
minutes early. MLIA.

Today, I dropped my friends hat in the mud. I looked inside of it for the washing instructions and it read
"To wash: give to a woman". MLIA

Today I brought the book "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" to school. My friends and I all love
the book. We sat in the middle of the hall in a circle and took turns reading a page at a time.
Teachers and other students looked at us weird. We are in college, it's nice to know that "circle
time" and Dr. Seuss are both timeless. MLIA

Today, my teacher thought a girl in my class was using her cell phone under her desk. When he found
out it was an Etch A Sketch, he allowed her to continue and went back to the lesson. MLIA.
A few years ago, I got really angry and accidently punched a hole in my living room wall. My mom wasn't
very happy with me and told me i would have to pay for the repairs. I went into my room and drew a
picture of a tree with a rabbit and squirrel next to it. I hung it up over the hole. I guess this was an
acceptable repair, because it is still there, four years later. MLIA

Today, I bought and Edward Cullen cardboard cutout. My little sister loves him and often gets mad at me
for calling him a creeper. Little does she know, the next time she opens her closet... MLIA

Today, my new boyfriend leaned in to kiss me, with eyes closed, just as I yawned. I bit his nose. He
laughed it off. He's a keeper. MLIA

The other day, my teacher was calling out the names of people in my class. When I heard the name of
my crush, I typed it in with a heart next to it in a word document so I could facebook stalk him later. The
next day my crush asked me to email him my notes from the day before. After I did, I realized that I
forgot to take his name out of the document. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. MLIA.

Yesterday, I was inducted into NHS and my brother teased me for being a nerd. Then, he gave me a
congratulations card with a starbucks giftcard taped inside. He had drawn the molecule for caffeine
above it. And he thinks I'm the nerd. MLIA.

Today, my little sister was watching a LarryBoy tv show (it's an animated cartoon they made from
VeggieTales). Bob the tomato was using ketchup. I feel like they are supporting cannibalism. MLIA

Today I was watching my neighbor's toddlers race their bikes. The one boy fell off his bike and
instead of giving up like i'd expect him to do, he ran to the other boy, pushed him off his bike
and ran to the "finish line". What a cool little kid. MLIA

Today, I was student teaching in an 8th grade classroom. The kids were reading aloud the poem "The
Raven." One kid came to the word "ashore" and pronounced it "ass-whore." He was completely 100%
dead serious. The class lost it. MLIA

On Halloween night I was trick-or-treating with my friend. I came across this man dressed in a
Darth Vader costume. He looks at me and says, "I am your father." I was very freaked out until
he took off his mask. Turns out, he actually was my dad. MLIA
Today in biology class we were doing a lab where we had to handle beads. People were throwing them
across the room and the teacher stated, "Please don't throw my balls across the room. My balls are
everywhere." A boy continued to throw them and she said, "JONATHAN! YOU HAVE TO BEHAVE IF YOU
WANT TO PLAY WITH MY BALLS!" She is now my favorite teacher. MLIA

There is a new guy in our shcool,i realized he used to be my neighbor, but moved away when he was 5.
before he moved away i stole his dog, adn in return he abducted my cat named mittins. i didnt mention
anything in case he didnt remember. his secound day of shcool i sat down in biology class to find a note
taped to my desk. it read "give me bruno, or the cat dies". i looked to see a cat head sticking out of his
backpack. the next day in class we exchanged the stuffed animals. MLIA.

Today, I was reading the local newspaper and found out that an elderly man suffered a heart attack and
passed away after listening to "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. This ones for you, man. MLIA

Mrs. Killkenny is my teachers name. My friend Kenny is very worried. MLIA

Today while renting DVDs ,I realized that the owner of the shop has a funny sense of humor,the Hannah
Montana movie was kept in the horror section and that Twilight was in the comedy section. MLIA

Today, my school got automatic Purell dispensers. My science teacher put a cutout seagull on it so it
looked like the seagull poos on you every time you use it. I respect my school that much more. MLIA

I don't know when, but let's say a few nights ago, was my cheerleading banquet and the cheer captains
were giving away paper plate awards. Girls were getting things like best smile and sharpest moves. My
award? Most likely to make an animal noise during half time. My mom has never been so proud. MLIA.

Today I was watching TV and a commercial came on proclaiming, "Christmas is a wierd time, when else
do you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock?" I will never think of Christmas the same way
again. MLIA

The other day, I fell asleep in class. Today, I was looking back through my notes and realized that I have
all of the notes from that day, in my handwriting. I'm pretty sure I took notes in my sleep. I just wish I
was there to see it.
A while ago, a telemarketer called my house. My mom silently handed the phone to me, and I
answered in a three-year old voice. The guy on the other end kept trying to get me to put one of
my parents on, but I told him they were both busy, my big sister was using the toilet, and my cat
was eating a spider I found on the wall. He hung up on me. MLIA.

Today, I walked into my college lecture room. The girl next to me was asleep, but had painted eyes on
her eyelids so it looked like she was awake. Now I truly know why she is my girlfriend. MLIA

Today, I was at basketball practice and like usual it got a little rough. A smaller girl got knocked over on
her back, but instead of just jumping up, she manuevered into a backwards sumersault and jumped up.
We all stopped and just looked at the girl, who was standing there like nothing had happened. We
looked at our coach who was also amazed. Then she snapped out of it and yelled at us to get back to
work. We have a secret ninja on our team....MLIA

Today, I was straightening my hair and my straigtener started to make ticking noises. In true MLIA
fashion, I started singing The Mysterious Ticking noise quietly to myself. At the part where they figure
out that it's a time bomb, my dog ran crashing into my closed door. I almost peed in my pants. MLIA

Today, I was having lunch in an underwater restaurant that has a round aquarium instead if normal
walls. I looked at the fish, that went swimming in circles towards the left. I was frustrated by how all the
fish swam the same way, at the same time, when suddenly I saw a fish that went swimming up and
down, tracing waves, and in the opposite direction, causing all the other fish to break up, you go little
fish! MLIA

The other day in band everyone was talking so to get our attention my band teacher held up his
keys and said "Look Shiny!" The entire band got quite and looked up at him. Highschoolers are
awesome. MLIA

Today, my mum told me stories about how when I was in Primary school, I was asked to leave for a
week because I kept on correcting the teachers punctuation and spelling. I was a grammar nerd even
then. MLIA

For halloween I dressed up to look like my science teacher when I walked into science class he said I
looked like a nerd. MLIA

Today, my friend was really bothering me in math class. He was constantly touching me to the
point where i couldn't take it anymore. I raised my hand and told the teacher, "Teacher! He keeps
touching me." To which my teacher pointed at him and said, "touch yourself." He couldn't figure
out why everyone laughed. MLIA

Today a telemarketer called and asked to speak to the head of the household. I told my five year old
sister that Santa was on the phone. I think it's pretty safe to say his company will never call my house
again.
A few years ago, when I was in my senior health class in high school, the teacher asked us what the
definition of "anorexia" was. No one answered, so I finally raised my hand and said "not eating due to a
fear of becoming overweight." The teacher said "Good!" I raised my hand again and asked "Does that
mean I'm overweight due to a fear of becoming anorexic?" The teacher was laughing so hard he had to
leave the room. MLIA

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my front door with a bag full of glow necklaces, glow swords, silly
string, a coloring book with crayons, and chalk. All as a means of destressing for finals this week. We're
both seniors in college. MLIA

Today, I was having an epic staredown with a little boy in church. Suddenly, without breaking his gaze,
he pulled out a miniature wand from his pocket, and whispered, "Stupefy!" He wins. MLIA

Today my 4 year old son was teasing my 2 year old daughter with some cheerios. He kept moving them
from her mouth right before she could eat it. He had a whole bowl and so after about 5 minutes she
closed her mouth. I thought she was going to walk away but then she pointed and went "Ack!". He
looked, she grabbed a handful of cheerios and ran off giggling. I will never underestimate the power my
daughter has. MLIA

Last weekend, I met some new cousins at a dinner before my uncle's wedding. We sat down and
I mentioned that it was strange that the tablecloths were made of paper. The 20-year-old
suddenly got up and ran off, leaving me perplexed. He came back with one of those huge boxes
of crayons and we spent the whole dinner coloring the table with dinosaurs, pirates, and ninjas.
New favorite cousin? I think so. MLIA.

Today, while leaving my walk-in closet that leads into my bathroom, my daughter walked in to the
bathroom from the other enterance, causing me to jump and yell: "You scared the life out of me!" Not
missing a beat, she yelled back: "Well, I was going to go to the bathroom, but I don't have to anymore.
Guess what you scared out of me!" and turned around and left. She's seven. MLIA.

Today while at the grocery store I saw a little girl sitting in a cart trying to chew through a bag of carrots.
Her father reached to take them away but her mother stopped him saying "don't worry she won't be
able to make it through." The little girl glared at her and kept on chewing. Later while going down
another isle I heard a triumphant yell and looked to see the little girl pull a carrot out of the hole she
chewed and start munching happily. Good job kid, good job MLIA

Today, in health my teacher brought up a very strange(sex ed related) coincidence. He told us

"According to the Chinese Calendar, a few years ago it was the year of the Ox- Mad Cow Disease
Outbreak. This year is the year of the Boar- Swine Flu. Next year is the year of the Cock- Guys, we better
be careful. Really Careful." Best health teacher ever.
Today in algebra I didn't know the answer so thinking back on MLIA I drew a stick man at gunpoint
saying i get it right or he dies, I got +5 and a note asking him to be let free. MLIA

Today, my 3 year old sister was out playing in the yard when my dog came and stood behind her. She
turned around and was startled to see him standing there. She then laughed and patted him on the
head saying, "Silly dog. You scared me! I thought you were an omelet." MLIA

Today, while eating on the balcony of my friend's apartment, we thought it would be funny to
"accidentally" drop a piece of pizza. It landed on some guys head. He picked it up, looked up at the sky,
then began to eat it.MLIA

When I was three, I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse asked me if I could stand on
one foot, to which I proudly replied yes. I then proceeded to stand on one of the nurse's feet with both
of mine. She had to leave the room because she was laughing so hard. I was a pretty smart kid. MLIA.

Today, a guy in my class was playing with a tec deck on his desk, and my teacher was like "if you have to
play with something in your hands, do it down here", pointing towards under the desk. We all started
laughing really hard and the sub went really red. I love that sub. MLIA

The other day, I was told that in the first grade, I only misspelled one word. Apparently I left out the r in
shirt. I just want to know why no one told me this before, and what my teacher must have been thinking
when she graded my paper. MLIA

Today, a guy I really don't know very well was bothering me, texting me. Annoyed, I asked my ex-
boyfriend how to get rid of him. He gave me really generic answers like "Tell him you're still getting over
me." Not satisified, I asked my best friend who's a guy what to do. His response? "Tell him your pet
penguin hates new people and that the penguin's word is law and if you don't abide by it you have to
move to Kentucky." There's a reason we're friends. MLIA.

The other day when I came home from school I knew my older sister would be back from college. I came
home and heard that she was in the shower and sitting in my room I heard her come out but leave the
shower on. (She still didn't know I was home) I went into the bathroom and on the mirror wrote 'The
chamber of secrets has been opened.' I then snuck back into my room and heard her go back into the
bathroom. She then came out of the bathroom sounding scared and saying "Hello?". Hiding behind my
bedroom door I walked out quietly behind her and put my hand on her shoulder. I have never seen her
scream so loudly. This story is definatly coming up at her 21st. MLIA.
Today I discovered that when my boyfriend was 12, he dressed up for a school concert as Shania
Twain and sang 'Man, I Feel Like A Woman'. This is how he learnt how to run in high heels. I
think this is brilliant and I'm so proud. MLIA

Today my family was going through my and my siblings' baby books. We discovered that when my
brother was three, he wanted to grow up to be a tree. MLIA.

Today I observed my fish bowl, which has two guppies in it named Snape and Dumbeldore. I noticed that
one of them died and sank to the bottom. Snape killed Dumbeldore. MLIA

On Sunday, I was teaching kids at church about thanking God for food before we eat. After, when
morning tea was served, a little boy ran up to the table, threw his arms in the air and yelled, "Thank you
God for Jelly!". I can relate. MLIA

Just now, my little sister started talking in her sleep. In Spanish. She's in first grade and has only been
taught English. MLIA

I have a habit of filling any school work with strange doodles. After taking a test, I did the usual, filling
every white spot with weird smilies and creatures. When I got the test back, my teacher had taken a
pink pen and drawn a tophat, bowtie, and a monocle on all my drawings and written 'I like my version
better-it's a Gentlemen's party now.' I love some teachers. MLIA

Today, I started eight grade at a new school. During math I started screaming and hiding under my desk.
When my teacher asked me why I said I had arithmophobia (fear of numbers), which I don't have. She
talked to the principal. When they called my mom, she just played along and said that I did have it and
my case is very severe. Now if I feel scared during math I can just leave.

Today, in my mass communication class, the boy next to me was texting in his lap. Our elderly, female
teacher looks at him and says "There are only two things you can be doing with your hands in your lap,
neither of which are allowed in my classroom." New respect for my prof, I think so. MLIA

A couple weeks ago, I went to see New Moon. The family behind my friend and I consisted of a Mom, a
Dad, A maybe 14 year old boy, and a 8 year old girl.(Why they thought it was a family movie, I have no
idea.) The dad narrated the whole thing in a very funny way. Example, in the end when Edward was
watching Bella sleep, he said "Creeeeepo!" But my favorite was the first time Jacob took off his shirt, he
said "Ooo sexy!" I was laughing so hard and I half-looked back at him. He looked at me and said, "That's
right. You heard me. He's sexy." Made my day! MLIA

Today, in English, my teacher held a vote towards the end of class about wether people or not like the
song "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga. Our whole class wrote yes or no on a sheet of paper and turned it in. As
she read them out and kept a tally, she came across one paper that said, "By the time you're done
reading this, I will no longer be in the class room. --Nick." We all looked up to find him. He was gone, no
one saw him leave, and he didn't come back for the rest of class. MLIA

Today my mom told me that when I was younger I was never scared of monsters under my bed. Instead
I believed that a baker lived under my bed, and apparently he made me cupcakes, shortbread and
gingerbread men....I was an odd child...MLIA

Today, my mom told me that when I was a toddler, a truck drove by and I pointed at it yelling
the F-word repeatedly instead of 'truck.' She then told me that the scar on my left cheek is from
him throwing his soda can at us. I love my scar. MLIA

I'm a teacher and I love Spiderman, I recently brought that up in class one day and I left the room a little
while after. When I came back seven kids shot up from their chairs and shot imaginary webs at me. Next
year I granted them premission to get silly-string web shooters and shoot them at the freshmen. That's
right, I teach at a high school.

today, i brought cookies to school in a container that originally had salad in it, so it had a sticker that said
"mixed baby greens" on top. this cheerleader came up to me and asked what was in the container, so i
jokingly said mixed baby greens. looking really disappointed she said, "oh, i thought they were cookies.
nevermind." the container was clear...i've never been so sure of the validity of sterotypes. MLIA

Today, I was taking a history test, and I decided to draw a mini dinosaur at the top of my page. My
teacher saw this while he was walking around the classroom and told me to draw a larger dinosaur so he
wouldn't miss it while grading. I did. MLIA.

Today my friend told me that she was going to drag me to see new moon. I told her that I would rather
be duct taped to the wall. I am now going to be duct taped to the wall while my family goes out to see
the movie. My goal is to free myself before they get home. MLIA
Today, my Mom asked me to wash my dog, Cuddles. Being my lazy self, I grabbed some febreeze and
sprayed some onto my dog, triumphantly saying, "Finished!" She looked at me sternly, grabbed Cuddles,
sniffed her, and then put her down, saying, "I approve." Then my Mom walked away as if nothing
happened, leaving me to read MLIA in peace. MLIA

Today, my family and I went out to eat. As i opened the door to get into my mom's car, i saw a broom
laying across the seat. We just got 8 inches of snow, and it didn't process in my mind that my mom had
just been outside brushing the car off. I asked her, "Mom, why do you have a broom in your car?".
Without hesitation, she replied "Alternative transportation". I love my mom. MLIA.

today, my health class was going to do this exersise when we wear these glasses that make you
see like a drunk person would see. Next, we would all get to try and drive a golf cart, a police
officer was there in the cart to make sure we dont kill ourselves. I got to go first. I quickly sped
off towards a tree and kept speeding up. The police officer screamed "IMPERIOUS!" and i
suddenly stopped the cart before we hit the tree. the officer said, "i never can react in dangerous
situations, i always think of harry potter." im glad to know police officer's have the best
knowledge out there. MLIA

Today, my family was in the living room when my sister came home with her boyfriend. When they went
upstairs my 6 year old brother shouts "KEEP THE DOOR OPEN, WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING UP
THERE!" Best. Brother. Ever. MLIA

A month ago, in our psychology class, we were playing the game where our teacher asked us to tell her
the first thing that came to our head when she said lion. While everyone else said other animals, I said
banana. Everyone stared at me. MLIA

Eveyone always brings a snack to fifth period class because it's the class right before lunch and so it a
longer class. I sit in the front row and always leave my cheez-it bag open and wait everyday to see if my
teacher takes some cause whenever he walks by he always eyeballs them. Today when I wasn't looking
he took a hand full and shoved them in his mouth and walked away. Made my day. MLIA

Yesterday, I was on a run when I ran by a police car. He drove up to me and said, "I'm bored, can I drive
behind you and pretend I'm chasing you with my sirens on?" I think we freaked out a lot of other drivers.
MLIA

Today, we threw a surprise birthday party for one of my friends. As he walked in the door, we turned all
the lights back on and yelled "SURPRISE". He let out a loud shriek and ran out of the house. He never
came back. MLIA
Today while baby sitting, I asked jason, a six year old, what he wants to be when he grows up. Without
skipping a beat he said "an adult" With dreams like that, it's hard to fail. MLIA.

Today, I was with my boyfriend at his church youth party. His youth minister was trying to be funny and
brought up the topic of kissing in church and whether it was right or wrong. I mentioned that weddings
take place in churches. He shut up.

Today, my mom kissed my brother awake. He then slapped her and said, "Oh sorry I thought you were
Dad." MLIA

Today I had to sneeze. When I sneeze I tend to squeak at the end. So as usual I squeaked but this one
was REALLY loud. A few people laughed, a few people said "bless you" but then I hear: "Who kicked the
chihuahua?!" Funniest part of my day. MLIA

Today I learned that when I was five, during Thanksgiving when the whole family was visiting, I took a
wine glass, filled it with water and used food coloring to make it look exactly like wine. I then took this
into the room with all the adults, chugged it, and laughed hysterically while everyone freaked out. I was
awesome. MLIA

Today, I learned that the characters from Spongebob are supposed to represent the seven deadly
sins: Patrick for Sloth, Squidward for Wrath, Sandy for Pride, Mr Krabs for Greed, Gary for
Gluttony, Plankton for Jealousy, and Spongebob for Lust. Mind blown. MLIA.

Today, my friend came up to me and asked me which was the sexiest out of a police officer, a firefighter,
or an EMT. Right as I'm about to say the firefighter, he interrupts me with "NO. EMT's because they are
the only ones who can legally rip your shirt off." MLIA.

The other day i went with my boyfriend to disneyland. I nearly died while on Thunder Mountain. Why?
Because my boyfriend was screaming like a girl and i couldn't breathe because i was laughing so hard.
MLIA

Today, I was playing with an app on my iPod touch that has random facts. I was reading them out loud
to my brother when I came to one that said "90% of paper money contains traces of cocaine." He looked
at me in all seriousness and said "Is that why Mr. Krabs is so weird?" I had no response. That show has
never made more sense to me. MLIA
Last year, some kids had rearraged the Christmas light reindeer on my neighbor's yard to make it look
like they were having sex. This year, there was a baby reindeer standing alongside the two big reindeers.
MLIA

Tonight, I was undressing and about to get into the shower when a cheerio fell out of my bra. I don't eat
cheerios. I am very, very confused. MLIA

Today, at my school, someone wrote on the wall "skool sucks" Next to that another person wrote "So
does your spelling." MLIA

The other day, in English, I had some packs of fruit gushers. My friend decided to reading the label on
the back that says "WARNING: Children should be supervised and seated while eating this product." Of
course I stood up, ate a gusher, and immediately started choking. MLIA.

Today, I clicked on the link on the sidebar of MLIA that said 'Stuff White People Like'. I was quite
surprised to see that I didn't like most of the things on that list. Then I remembered I'm Asian. MLIA

Today my mom told me that when I was little and had nightmares (which was quite often) I wouldn't
wake her up. I would simply stand beside her bed and stare at her until she woke up freaking out. Mind
you, my hair was down to my waste and I was a very pale child. Can you say creeper? MLIA

Over the weekend, my mom, sister and I went to visit my brother's family. Trying to be a good influence
on my 3 year old niece, I taught her to say "Hammertime" after anyone said stop. After I excitedly
showed what I had done to my sister, she then showed me that she taught our niece to say "om nom
nom" whenever eating cereal. Weekend well spent. MLIA

Today, i walked in on my brother dancing and sing to the song "My milkshakes bring all the boys the
yard" using 2 water balloons as the milk shakes. i don't know who call first my mom or his girlfriend.
MLIA

Today, while eating in a restaurant with my family, my 2 year old son decided to scream loudly.
Everyone around us got quiet and looked over at us. I was slightly embarrassed until my son turned
around and looked at the people then proceeded to say, "That was a noise." Yes, yes it was.
Today was my Grandmother's 78th birthday. As she was blowing out her candles, and everyone was
yelling "Blow them", my grandfather yelled out "BLOW ME". Everyone turned silent. MLIA.

Today, I woke up with a turtle on my chest. How the turtle got in the house, climbed the stairs, opened
my door, and crawled up my bed is beyond me. MLIA

Today, my mom decided to let out a huge samurai yell when cutting the watermelon. MLIA

Today, I realized that the only reason I clean my room is so that I can have a space to spin around in
circles and dance without anyone seeing me. MLIA

Today, I remember when I was in kindergarten, I had to sit in the time out chair for disrupting story time.
During story time, I was forced to sit on a bubble chair while everyone sat on the tile. Punishment well
given. MLIA.

Today, in class the teacher was standing at the back of the room explaining something and I thought I
saw a big yellow thing walk past in the little window by the door. It almost looked like a banana. I figured
it was nothing and looked back at my teacher. Then a nerdy kid in front stood up and said "Holy shit, did
anyone else just see that banana?" I laughed. MLIA

Today, in class someone mentioned that if pirates and ninjas are enemies, then who is the dinosaur's
enemy? After 20 minutes of intense discussion, we came to the agreement that it was the robot.MLIA

After the first couple of days of school, My AP Literature teacher put a limit to only 3 twilight jokes per
class period no matter how funny they were. MLIA

Today I was conveying to my mother my frustration with masculine and feminine words in Spanish. After
listening to me rant for a few mintues she says,"Well...pencil is masculine because it's a stick with no
brain. And computer is feminine because it's highly intelligent and can do multiple things at once!"
Suddenly Spanish makes so much more sense. MLIA.

Today I sneezed and no one said bless you. It made me feel sad. The person next to me sneezed and I
screamed bless you in their face to make them feel appreciated. They looked a little frightened. MLIA

A few days ago, i walked into my math class and all of the chairs were turned backwards, trash cans
were all over the floor, and the computers and desks had been wrapped in toilet paper. When we all
asked the teacher what was going on, she replied that another teacher did it because she deleted her off
of her friends list on facebook. Math class is a lot better now.

Today I found out that male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal. It's makes me
wonder about Batman. MLIA

Today, someone's phone went off in class. Everyone started coughing to cover it up. Finally, after the
whole class was coughing, my teacher says "guys, chill, it's my phone." MLIA

Today, my 11 year old brother got a letter in the mail with tips on how to prevent pregnancy. I
think he will find this quite useful. MLIA

Today at work, I was bagging groceries for another cashier's customer. Without looking up, the
customer said, "Thank you, young lady." Then she looked up and corrected herself, "I mean, young
man." The funny thing is, she was right the first time. MLIA.

Today my friend celebrated her sixteenth birthday and my friends and I brought he a cake among other
goodies to school. We all forgot to bring a knife to slice the cake so we decided to ask different teachers
for a plastic one. After asking several teachers we decided to ask one more teacher before giving up.
This teacher handed us a rather large sharp knife from with in one of her drawers with no questions
asked. MLIA.

Today, someone asked me if there were such things as blue cows. I said no. She responded, "Are you
sure? How do we have blue cheese? I mean, I know there's white cows for milk and brown cows for
chocolate milk, so there must be blue cows!" I then told her there were blue cows, but they are very
sensitive to sunlight so they always stay in the barn, which is why you never see them. She said, "I knew
it!" I'm worried for her. MLIA.

Last Halloween, I was going to meet my biological father. I waited in Starbucks for 45 minutes. I was
about to leave when a man dressed in a darth vader costume entered. He pulled out a light saber and
said to me in a demonic voice "Luke, I am your Father". I love you Dad. MLIA

Today, I recieved an orange in the mail. A real orange with my name and address written in sharpie and
a stamp taped on. I don't know who sent it and I don't know why, but I appreciate your concern about
my Vitamin C levels. MLIA

Today, I was babysitting two girls at the ages of five and three. We were playing "Guess Who?" and they
had the characters narrowed down. The youngest asked the other, "Does your person have black ears?"
I was not aware that determining one's race is based soley on the color of their ears. MLIA

Today, I was woken up by my mother who was frantically trying to get me to look out my window. I
leaned up (still half asleep) and stared, amused at the normal looking sky. Just as i was about to lie back
down, my mom leaned out my window and pointed to two very large raccoons in the middle of our
backyard, mating. This was NOT how i expected to start my day.

Today I updated my facebook status to 'craving for sushi' next thing I know, my uncle called and treated
me to sushi because he saw the status. I should make these status' more often. MLIA.

Today I was driving behind a shiny silver Volvo with a bumper sticker that read: "STOP ASKING ME
ABOUT TWILIGHT!" I was laughing so hard I missed my exit.

Today I was walking past one seven year old calling one with glasses a nerd. The kid's response? "I prefer
intelectual badass." My mind has been blown. MLIA

Today, I went to a fancy wine-tasting dinner with my mother and a couple of her friends. I had to dress
nicely, wear heels, and generally be all gussied up and grown up. How did my mom convince me to go
with her? Disney princess coloring book with stickers, and a giant box of crayons with a sharpener on the
back. Totally worth it. MLIA.
Today, my band director was getting mad at us for talking and moving around so he screamed "FREEZE!"
The filter between my brain and my mouth doesn't really work so I shouted "EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR
HANDS!" All 170 of us started clapping our hands. The band director stared at us and excused himself to
his office. He shut the door and started laughing uncontrollably. MLIA.

Last night I went downstairs for a drink of water. There was a chicken running around but we don't own
any pets. Then my sister was asleep on the floor wearing her prom dress. I haven't been so confused in
my life. MLIA.

My birthday is on Monday but my mom gave me my gifts early. She took me to a Pixar exhibit at the
musuem and gave me a 2 ft tall Mickey Mouse statue along with a few other Disney stuffed animals. I'm
turning 23 and I couldn't think of any better presents. Mlia

My son just turned 3 and is being potty trained, so we don't let him have anything to drink after 8PM.
Every night for the past week he's asked for milk and we've had to say no. Last night, instead of asking
for milk he asked for a bowl of Cheerio's. Thinking he didn't get enough to eat at dinner I said okay and
made him a bowl. He sat down to eat it and handed me something he had been carrying around and
said "open?" I peeled the plastic wrapper off of it, and he reached out for it. I gave it back to him and he
immediately stuck it in his cerial and started drinking the milk. It was a straw from Subway. As soon as
the milk was gone he looked up at me very innocently and said "done?" I've been outsmarted by my 3
year old, and I'm perfectly okay with that. MLIA.

Today, I woke up to find my sister and dad laughing at me. Apparently last night my blood sugar
went really low and I was sitting in bed explaining how to do an experiment involving rainbows,
unicorns, ladybugs, and the chamber of secrets. Then I started singing "Oh Where is my
Hairbrush" from Veggietales. Needless to say I made everyones night. MLIA.

Today, i was on a train. I look over and see 2 women. one was reading Twilight, and the other Harry
Potter. I was appalled that they were sitting next to each other until i saw the harry potter readers tee-
shirt. It said "i'm with stupid" and an arrow was pointing to the one reading twilight. I think i'll take the
train more often.

Today, i was walking down the street and i sawpeople dressed up as three different colored crayons run
by yelling, "We're free! We're free!" and an empty crayons box chasing after them, whoever you are,
that was epic. MLIA

The other day, two of my girlfriends and I got dressed up to go out for the night, and we were walking
down the street when a guy on a motorcyle "honked." No, he didn't use his horn, instead he shouted
the word "honk" at us. MLIA

Today I was in an argument with my cousin about Twilight vs. Harry Potter. She said Twilight is more
romantic. However, I always hear these stories of girls breaking up with their boyfriends because they
want Edward. On the other hand, I read all these MLIA's about people bonding over Harry Potter. HAH.
HP wins. It brings the love. MLIA.

The other day at Walmart, I went to go buy some cupcakes. I had gone with my brother who had just
come back from his "Star Wars" party. he was still wearing his Darth Vader mask and had a lightsaber
hidden in his cloak. As we walked over to the register, apparently our cashier's name was Luke. My
brother joked around and said "Luke, I'm your father"... Luke gave him a startled look... and proceeded
to pull out a lightsaber from behind the counter. My brother is 16. Luke seemed to be about 40.
Walmart-Cashiers-Are-Average.

Today, my dad walked in on my boyfriend and I. No, we weren't doing anything wrong. We were intently
coloring in my giant Disney Princesses coloring book. MLIA

One time, I brought a potato with a face drawn on it to my history class. We called him Cornelius. No
one questioned my motives and he stayed there till he rotted. MLIA

Today one of my friends told me that the day before she had hid in her brother's backseat as he drove to
work and popped out singing, "Hi Ho Hi Ho! It's off to work we go!" I remember why we're friends now.
MLIA

Today in Health class, the teacher was teaching us about relaxation. By the end of class, we were all
dead asleep snoring on the floor. Yeah, he really is a good teacher. MLIA

Today, my mom sent me a text saying, "No homework today?" I replied, "I am doing homework." She
said, "I'm watching you." Trying to be creepy, I replied, "I'm watching you watching me." Her reply?
"Don't look in the closet." I'm scared now. I've been out-creeped by my mom. MLIA.

Today while learning how to file my taxes, my dad lost balance in his chair when he leaned back too far.
His choice words of shock? "God bless a milkcow." Thank you, father. MLIA.

I was at work talking to a little girl who was in line for the bouncy castle when she asked who I was
texting.I told her my boyfriend. A dead serious look comes on her face and she says "Boys are like
spiders. Creepy and gross. At least you can squish a spider. Not a boy though. I've tried." KGMH

I work in a day nursery. One day, a little boy was on my lap crying. Another little boy came over and saw
he was crying, so he went and brought him a toy and put it in his lap. A little girl then came over, ran off
to get a tissue from the wall dispenser and wiped his nose herself. These children are 18 months. Their
concern for others GMH.
The other day in English class I attempted to pass the time by reading some MLIA posts on my phone.
After realizing how much I was laughing and then how silent the room was I looked up to see everybody
staring at me and a shocked look on my teachers' face. From their perspective all they saw was both my
hands in my crotch and me looking down giggling. Just then one of my friends said "Dude...wrong time,
definitely wrong place." MLIA.

The other day in my English class, a student was putting lotion on his hands. My teacher, who hates
disruptions more than anything, tried scolding him by yelling "This is not the time to cream yourself! You
don't see me creaming myself!" I laughed so hard, she asked me to leave the room. MLIA

Today, one of my good girl friends attempted to hit my boyfriend with a pillow, but missed and
accidentally punched him in the face. He sat there dumbfounded as my friend dropped the pillow,
grabbed her throbbing hand, and screamed "What'd you do that for?!" MLIA