Experimental Jetset

Christopher Byrd
Copyright © 2016 Christopher Byrd

All rights reserved.

ISBN-13: 978-1537650289

ISBN-10: 1537650289
 DEDICATION

To the Pacific Ocean, thanks for all the good times…

 CONTENTS

Acknowledgments i
1 JULY 1994 Pg. 4

2 AUGUST 1994 Pg 20

3 SEPTEMBER 1994 Pg
50

4 OCTOBER 1994 Pg 70
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks to Sat and Baba

i
07/13/1994 to 10/09/1994

Experimental Jet Set: Volume 7 of The

Adventures of the Byrdman

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 CHRISTOPHER BYRD

CHAPTER 1 JULY 1994

07/13/1994

It’s 9:00 AM in La Jolla and I’m starting the new journal.

Andrew just called and said he wasn’t sure about going down to
Mexico because his girl wasn’t going to be able to drive. So I
thought I’d sit down for a few minutes and write and think about
whether or not I wanted to go on the excursion now knowing that
we would be driving my truck. The other factor is trying to get
Lauren to come with. Perhaps I’ll mention it and see if she would
be interested.

I practiced my guitar last night and read some of the

poems out of the journal I kept while studying Bhakti Yoga at the
Bethany House circa 1988. I shared them with Baba and he

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remarked that they were very high in consciousness. The knot on

my head from getting thrown into the rocks surfing yesterday has
reduced significantly in its swelling.

07/13/1994

Andrew and I went to the beach today. In front of the

house we put on wet suites and masks proceeding from that point
to snorkel. Once we got out some ways it was beautiful. Big
reefs, clear blue water, little orange fish. We came back to shore
to sit out in the sun and drink a couple of beers. After a couple of
hours of talking about his family and mine, we decided to go and
have sushi.

After a good healthy yellow fin and salmon and

mushrooms we proceeded back to his house where I played with
the acoustic guitar for a while until I decided to come here hoping
to spend some time with Lauren. Going to do some more exercise
now and then.

Love is here, Love is now.

Bring their fears to me

When will they learn about reality

Life’s a precious gift for you and me

In this word of duality

We’re fed images of fear and instability

Life is too short to live with fear and insecurity

So live live, love love, life life, and live love

Driven by inner by inner ambition

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 CHRISTOPHER BYRD

Explore your mind, explore the soul

Feel what living is

Reality for live love live life life life live love.

Spent the evening by the ocean with my guitar and ended

up writing the song on the above page. Inspired by a drive by
egging as the Beastie Boys put it. A car load full of kids threw eggs
at me as I walked out to the ocean. Did a lot of stretching.

Friday-

Just dropped Baba off at his court date in downtown

Phoenix. We had some Mexican food for breakfast. He helped
me clean up the house this morning by vacuuming and taking out
the trash while I mopped. Sat just stopped over and we talked a
little about his divorce and what’s been going on. I offered him
the idea of taking care of the house if he’s interested. Jody was
supposed to work on my tattoo today, but now says she is feeling
sick.

Monday-

July 15th or something. Got back to La Jolla this morning.

Drove all night leaving Phoenix at 3:00 in the morning. Preceded
by leaving Jodie’s house at 2:00A. Baba, Jodi and I made a
wonderful spaghetti meal with all sorts of vegetables, lots of
garlic, wine and bread. We brought two long freezer bags back
with us and there was still tons left for Jodi. I had such a good
time with her. She’s really something. I think that garlic orgasm
after dinner is one of the hardest times I’ve come in life to this
date.

Yesterday we woke up at her house and had some coffee

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and went out to Allison and Mike’s in Queen Creek. We drank

some tea that Baba made for us, watched some tele, wound up
swimming and watched the movie Close Encounters of the 3rd
kind. Had a good talk with Baba on the front porch about Tantric .
Yoga. He showed me 3 different techniques.

Jodi and I went out back and I did the nude swimming
experience in the rain with diving goggles on, watching the rain
drops hit the surface of the pool from underneath. Jodi and I laid
on the couch and I held her afterwards and I felt close to her. The
previous night she had started working on my tattoo and got
about halfway done. We are supposed to finish next week
sometime. It all went pretty well and wasn’t too bad once I got
used to it. I left a bit unrested thinking that once again she was
renegotiating plans we had made. I was uncertain if there would
be any further immediate interaction. When I called to leave for
Mike and Allison’s however I was well received for a visit. I fell
asleep on her couch and she woke me up for a nice Jacuzzi. It felt
extremely nice.

We then retired to bed and held each other. Last night

before we left she came in and gave me love, kissed me and got
extremely excited quickly. She kissed my body and with precision
sensuality used her mouth in a most pleasing manner that took
my breath in hyper activity. I kissed her all over her body and
gently let my penis enter. Such ecstasy. I became so invigorated
and full of energy; I could barely stand it. At last I let out a long
scream and threw my head against the wall as I went into heavy
tremors and hyperventilation. Simply incredible. Baba woke me
up 2 hours later and we began our journey.

Grandma is supposed to move out after the weekend and I

will then help Jody move her stuff into my house. After much

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insecticide therapy. It will be good at long last to have her out of

my house, she had a way of leaving the door open during the
summer months with the air conditioning blasting, the nice old
lady next door told me. No wonder my electric bill was so high.
The only problem is that she is having Jimmy come over on
Thursday. Four days of unregulated idiot could take its toll on my
house. Hopefully Greg, Goldie and Jon will look out to make sure
things are cool.

Rents all paid up to half of next month’s rent already taken

care of and bills, yeah. The Lizard has been returned to its proper
place and harmony restored at the house.

Baba and I had an excellent trip with Alex. I was surprised

to hear Baba get into Jodi’s neurosis. He liked her a lot and told
me she was someone I should get deep into. He said she was a
neutral personality, which gave her the ability to extract and
balance. He said she had a very deep and wise soul. I wasn’t sure
if she knew it yet, but he was extremely impressed by her
demeanor and of course so am I. Prana Shock. Spent a lot of time
looking into Jodi’s eyes telling her I send her my love. Tears from
her eyes channeled from me. I have got deep into her in the brief
time we had to explore. I can’t wait to see her again this
weekend.

Goldie said she wanted to come out and see me Thursday.

I spent some time with her and went to Stone Temple Pilots with
her and Baba. Good light show on mushrooms no doubt.
Afterwards I spent some time and gave her love so she would
know I cared and help put her soul at ease. She seemed very
distraught. Touching her and showing lots of love helped to get
her feeling better and I told her not to be afraid to feel and
express how she felt. I told her I did these things so she would

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understand that I did care.

The puppies are doing good. Jodi will soon be in charge of

operations. Brought my amp back. Looking forward to making
use of it. I had a good play working with Baba until 3:00 at which
point I fell asleep.

07/17/1994 Tuesday anyway…

Got up around 9:30AM this morning and commenced

reading. Baba didn’t need any help, so I then got a hold of
Grandma for Ali’s number. I found out they will be gone to
Colorado for 2 weeks. I started thinking of going to Phoenix in
order to facilitate the expedition of produce.

Lots of stuff that needs to be done.

I finished reading a financial article pamphlet. Read

another chapter in a book on writing. Jamie made me breakfast.
Chapter 2 of the book was on brevity of novels and novel
introduction. Hemingway example shown as feasible, while
Dickens was overdone. Finished # 1 of Kundalini Principle book.
1. Marriage, wedding ceremony, honor and respect woman.
Provide for and cherish. Becoming and functioning as one soul.
Sacredness of the life seed and the giving of a life in a long
manner. The 6 centers, sphincter, genitals, pull spot between,
two nipples, neck, forehead and crown.

Snowboarding browsing. Getting ready to read some

Golden Dawn and the Bulletin, then do some exercise and
washing up. I had to punish Polly for shitting in the brief time I
was gone taking the Dog on a walk.

Dreams last night consisted of wouldn’t you know it, sex.

There was a girl with glasses sucking my penis, another attempted

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 CHRISTOPHER BYRD

sharing of woman. Jodi? An airplane was a strange setting and

somewhat unsuccessful for the previously mentioned subject
matter. The landing of a large plane seemed somehow more
important.

I am Supposed to work with Baba tomorrow and am going

to find out about the amount of work and estimation of the
Phoenix probability and figure out if a departure is a good idea.
Also going to wash truck, look at metaphysical book store and buy
guitar strings.

Did two card readings for Jami/ Sadna Kar last night and
one for myself. Spiritual insight and focus. Just got back from an
aggravating drive to the car wash, which I never quite found
driving around this place in the beast is an experience to be
avoided, too many stops and starts for that hog and it’s oh so
gradual acceleration. Getting ready to do some reading. Think I’ll
write Jody a little here after a bit.

07/20/1994 Tuesday

I spent the day working with Baba from 9-3 but only 3.5
hours on the work time only principle. At any rate, I came home
and started reading more of the 3rd section of the Golden Dawn in
regards to purification and activation of Sepheroth centers in the
form of a white disk. How they correspond to the Chakra system.
The importance of writing down visions experienced in the dream
state. Last night I had a beautiful blonde girlfriend working as a
waitress in a nude bar. The used car salesman owner starts saying
how her working as a dancer would do wonders for his business.
She starts to come on stage and sees me and stops. Have talk
with her and explain the value she would bring this man
compared to the impact emotionally on her. Have her request

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more money. Looking at cars and tell man about situations.

Mandy’s name is mentioned. He says she came over and did
cleaning for him and said she was a nice girl with some problems.

Going down to the beach right now to shoot that Yogini

photo for Sadna Kar. Maybe drink some tea and do some reading
later.

07/20/1994

Got up this morning and went and helped Baba do some

work to apartments. I came back and saw Brenda taking off. I
watched some video material of me on Sat’s show talking about
my show and the Central Art Studios. Did more reading from the
Golden Dawn on imprinting the Tree of Life on the Aura.

Dreamt about Yogi Bhajan and visiting him in what I

perceived to be India. One of his assistants wanted me to hold
his cigarette for him. Although he didn’t seem to want this to take
place. We traveled on a journey of some political importance.
And entered a room of others Sikh’s. I sat down and had some
conversation. There was more that I can’t seem to remember at
this moment.

Just got out of shower. I had a series of problems in the

field of apartment maintenance. Goldie called and said my uncle
flaked out on her again. So I guess I’ll start making arrangements
to go to Phoenix, so I can get her out and Jodi in. I paged Jodi and
haven’t heard back yet. Just need to verify our plans and then go
ahead and take care of the big Grandma thing.

07/21/1994 – Saturday

Got into Phoenix last night. Talked to Jodi for a little while
on the phone. Got a hold of Richard and Eric today and took care

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 CHRISTOPHER BYRD

of nearly all my business. I went with Richard to politics and

picked up his snowboard. I went to Van’s, Food, Damon’s house.
Damon and Laura know the girl Vicki that Jodi is replacing at her
work. Sounds as if they were friends with her. Hope no shock
waves result from the passing of this information. I guess reality
will prevail regardless of people’s ability to handle it. My head is
in an uproar. I think it’s all the heat. This place is too fucking hot!

I have to get Grandma settled this week. Jodi settled into

her new work and we had to clean the house and rearrange and
bomb for bugs so Jodi can be comfortable. Damon and Laura are
now interested in my place, but Jodi’s the lucky one. I talked with
Goldie a little and she said she had some friends interested. John
called and I might go 4-wheeling and camping with him some time
in the next week after I get back. Jodi I hope will accompany as
well but I expect her to be busy.

Puppies eyes are opened already at 2 weeks. I held one for a

long time. They’re beautiful pups. I found out tonight that Chief’s
parents were both $500 Czechoslovakian German Shepherds. I
might be able to get more than I thought for my pups; guess I’ll go
visit Mike for a while. Might go and see Squid as well. Love Life.

Love you.

Monday

Made some calls trying to find my Grandmother a place

to live. Squid and I went to the stereo place and got some
speakers for my truck. Stopped at the titty bar and had a couple
of drinks and talked to Regina. Jodi stopped by this morning
around 12:30 and said she had been in court all morning and
didn’t have her pager on her. I said she didn’t get my pages last
night either. Sick. “My car broke down and I had to have it towed

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and worked on and didn’t get home until 2:00AM. Nevertheless,

plans have been broken repeatedly and when I brought up or
started to bring up my grievances, she turned around and started
walking back out the door. She said she had to go to work and
couldn’t believe me. Said you can talk to me for 4 minutes, we
need to figure out a couple of things. Told me some of the above,
told her how I felt, she just got pissed, like she was going to leave.
I said I was just being honest, she said o.k. I won’t make plans
that I can’t keep. She looked into my eyes for a while. I said
mutual respect. She got up and left. I don’t feel good about the
situation. I’ve begun the process of looking for someone else to
take over on the house. Assuming that a resolve isn’t met.

On the other hand, Squid and I had a marvelous time

playing in the Canyon in Sedona yesterday, going in the water,
meditation, breathing, hiking, rock balancing and more pictures.
After some time of talking and gaining spiritual insights, we hiked
back to the car and proceeded up to Sedona and back to Phoenix.
It was a very beautiful trip. I’m rather uncertain about Jodi and
me. I hope things work out for the best. Love.

07/26/1994

Just got back from taking Squid to work and his PO. Feeling
pretty drained and generally pooped. I’m so sick of festering my
energy on Jodi. I need resolution or abandonment. I called her
today at work and talked to her. She told me she was essentially
scared because this was another relationship that she was
potentially setting herself up to be hurt by. Her last 2 episodes
were the motivation behind her projected fear. I told her the
reasoning behind what I had thought thus far. Essentially, based
on your lack of feedback and communication period, I assume
we/you have a problem or circumstances going on in your life that

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are causing your inability to have the will to give me the amount
of energy required to keep things out of the grey area we are now
experiencing. I asked for complete honesty and the essence of
the matter if she chooses to communicate or at least give me the
go ahead to find someone else to move into my house. “If you
want to that’s fine,” the essence of the matter being that she
feared getting in a close situation with me.

Two things she did that further demonstrated her lack of

willingness to settle this matter was her talking to someone
without ever giving me notice and B: Putting me on hold for a
period of 5 minutes. She then said she would call me later.

I called Laura at work today and asked if her and Damon were
interested in doing what was necessary to take over on the
responsibilities of the house. They are going to talk about it and
get back with me later. I’m sure they would take it though. Just
have to work out acceptable terms for their occupancy and what
kind of circumstances would be taken into consideration for my
accommodations when such periods are scene necessary.

Basically, I don’t intend on being around Phoenix too much

except for selling the dogs, camping, house construction around
October, November or whenever. I would rather be jaunting up
to Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Hawaii, India, etc. Never the less
I’m doing the favor of setting whomever up in the circumstances
specified and would like to reserve the right with adequate notice
to take shared or whole possession of property unless further
arrangements are made at a later date.

I was willing to give much more to Jodi, but that situation

takes into consideration the concept that when I came into town
we would be cohabitating intimately in a constructive long term

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relationship, then a deep and trusting, nurturing, loving

friendship.

Essentially I don’t feel any connection with her at all right

now except for the clear message of abandoned success and
maybe a little lack of openness producing acts of dishonesty. I’ll
be very glad when the above subject matter is resolved once and
for a while.

07/27/1994

I pulled the Hermit card after writing this last night, I sat
down and wrote Jodi a card stating how I felt about her lack of
communication and said I had no choice other than to give up and
start looking for new possibilities on the house. I told her how
much I thought about her, how much I cared and loved her. How
much I was willing to give to her. How long it had been for me to
feel this way about a person. Validating her fears based on past
experience. Love is the Law, Love under will.

I really poured my heart into that note and what even hurts
more now is that I haven’t even heard from her. It takes a really
inconsiderate person to allow this to go by unnoticed, sunk down
in it. Perhaps ulterior circumstances. She says no, but it doesn’t
feel like she cares enough to tell the truth.

Goldie came over and we went and picked up Squid from his
house and proceeded out to Muffet’s house where I left a note
and then to Jodi’s where I left the mentioned note and then to the
Atomic Café. After some drinks, I found myself fairly inebriated.
Squid and I talked with Steve Arbogast and Hatch for a while. We
were leaving when some guy was hitting this girl’s car as we were
talking to her. We went around to where he was and started
harassing him about his behavior. At some point I put my foot

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about an inch from his face and started a series of combination

punches to the back and face. Later he was hitting some other car
and I did a jump kick close to his face without striking. I had a lot
of adrenaline going through me. If I hadn’t of been so intoxicated,
I might have been less aggressive about the whole matter. But at
least he got the point without being hurt. I woke up this
morning, feeling like shit. I went over to Jennifer’s and took a
Tylenol and had her rub my head and she made me breakfast.
After a while I took Squid over and she made him some breakfast
as well and when I came over later, Squid was taking a bath. Must
have got himself a little Jenifer.

Last night when we got home Goldie came in the room and
took off her clothes and started the skin flute procession. I had
her tell me about the other guy that used to do her. Her sexual
experiences, etc. She said he would hold her hands behind her
back and fuck her from behind really hard and really fast. It’s
funny that she denied before ever even doing it doggie style.

Laurie just called and told me to meet her at Atomic Café

tonight. Fuck Jodi, I wanted to be with that girl. I’m crying inside
so bad. Doing errands around town with Squid all day, dropped
him off at work. Did some laundry.

07/28/1994

Prediction: Jodi isn’t going to call. Jodi called…. Said to page

her, she wanted to talk to me before I left. How to respond to
that? So much pain I’ve felt could be channeled into animosity. I
see me wanting some kind of explanation for her behavior. But
her behavior is an explanation and what it tells me hurts a lot.
What good could come from poking at an already sore spot. I
don’t see her changing the direction of this Omega. I see her

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trying to clear her conscious of maybe any guilt she may be

feeling. She didn’t say anything about finishing the rather
incomplete and unsightly mark she created for an unfinished
price.

All these things are hostile and abrasive actions. Ignoring

someone, not returning a call or even giving a short-winded
explanation is downright cruel. Has she no concept of the
implication of such actions? I’ve been grieving and in such pain
that my life has been quite unforgettable.

I wonder if I dare do her the favor of settling whatever

questions lay in her mind? She continually doesn’t see it to be at
all necessary for my set of circumstances.

I went to Marty’s today after dropping off Squid and did some
chi energy extractions and implementation. Went over to Dork-u-
otick and got the insurance documents signed.

It’s Saturday: last night I went out with Squid to see Dead Hot
Workshop on their farewell show. Guess they just got signed to
A&M Records. They were o.k. I went with Terry and Scott. I
drank a few beers, got kind of drunk. After we left I had Squid
drive. He said he wanted to stop by Six East and see if there were
any parties going on. We were exiting the parking lot and he said,
“I’m not even going to tell you.” There in front of us was Jodi in
her bug. I jumped out and started running the other way, not
even seeing her in front of us. After some looking around I got
back in the truck. We drove down to the end and caught her at
the light on University. She started trying to out run us. We
followed her to Curry and Haden and I jumped out and ran up to
the car. I said, scaredy cat. She said; “What? I then said coward,
you have no integrity. The light changed and she floored it. I got

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in the truck and told squid to go the opposite way. She looked
like she had a tempered sweat all over her face. She also looked
afraid. That ends that. I got to say what I needed to say. (in
retrospect, I think this girl was probably on meth or something)

Crashed at Squids, Goldie wanted to come and get me. I

passed out and woke up and came home. Started doing more
packing and throwing things away. Richard’s cleaning up around
the house and having a yard sale. Jimmy and Grandma found a
mobile home that they can move into on Monday. Eric just called
and is going to score that CD player for me.

Yesterday I packed up more stuff and took it over to my

Mom’s. Might do more of that tonight. Will be glad to have
Grandma gone and the majority of stuff taken to other’s houses.

I talked to Muffet, she said she would come and pick me up

and take me out for drinks on Monday or Tuesday.

I got the puppies out of basement and behind the camper.

07/31/1994 Sunday:

Dreamt about being in a band first with Tony Karaba and then
Squid playing lead and then synchronizing with bass parts. Had a
dream the other night about a cobra being close to me and I was
trying to avoid being bit. I went out with Squid, Goldie to Vibe.
We went to party vibe, Diego, party, etc. Spent all day moving
shit out of the front yard, packing, cleaning. Gram Bitch will be
gone tomorrow. Jimmy is passed out on my couch. Yard sale
inactive. I’ll be so glad to have those leaches out of my hair. I’m
going to write a letter to Shannon Coleman.

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 CHRISTOPHER BYRD

CHAPTER 2 AUGUST 1994

Monday 08/01/1994:

Last night was a Doozie. I went to Tempe with Squid and

Goldie. I went to Gibson’s, then 6 East and I saw Jodi there. I had
Goldie wait across the street at Java and went in and ordered a
pitcher to see what would happen. She didn’t look at me the
whole time. She got up and walked past me at one point, but
didn’t say anything to me. I didn’t see her coming another time.
She obviously didn’t make any effort to communicate, so after
finishing the pitcher, Squid and I left.

I’ve already made all the effort that is reasonable and even a
few steps beyond. I miss her and care greatly, yet I know there is
nothing more that I can say. I pray every day for her, even in the
midst of such heavy trauma in my life.

I did an invocation of love using the Tetragrammaton ritual in

God’s name and it gave me reasons for my sincere caring about
the opening of her soul. We went to Long Wongs and had a
pitcher and came home after dropping Squid off. I got back and
Grandma was outside and saying Jimmy was being abusive and
she wanted to go to Oregon. I told her we would talk about it in
the morning. I went into my room and laid down on my bed and
started unwinding when Jimmy came in my room and shined a
flashlight in my face. He had his gun in his hand and was waving
it around as he spoke about how it was somehow my fault that he
had ended up here with Grandma flaking out on him. I then
watched him get more and more threatening in his language and
body actions. At one point I finally told him that I would kill him
when his actions were threatening upon my life. He ran into the
kitchen and pointed the Gun at Goldie who was standing in

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between us as I was already on the phone calling the police while

yelling at him to drop the ammo out of the .357 stainless steel
Rossi Revolver and slide the gun across the floor to me. He ran
into the living room. I repeated my instructions to him with the
police listening at this point. Immediately my room lit up from the
Phoenix Police helicopter, which must have been directly
overhead when I made the call, since the light almost
instantaneously lit up the property after telling Jimmy to empty
the gun. He finally did it and I went in and got the gun. I told the
police I was going to come out. I brought them back in and they
handcuffed Jimmy. I gave them the gun and told them what
happened. They questioned Jimmy and Goldie. Grandma freaked
out. They wanted to press charges. I offered that I retain
possession of the firearm and not press charges. Jimmy agreed
and I had them take him away to drop him off on VanBuren. The
next morning he was laying in the neighbors flower bed, passed
out drunk. Me and the nice old lady next door, whose son was on
the forces laughed about how absurd Jimmy looked in her flower
bed. I moved Grandma and Jimmy’s belonging out this morning
and took her stuff to a storage facility. I left them and told Jimmy,
no on returning the handgun, we then went inside the house and
Goldie helped me clean. I went to Tempe later and helped Squid
move and came home and took a shower and nap.

Grandma may have let one of the pups leg get broke. Left it
outside yesterday and the puppy fell down the stairs, not much
stuff left to do. I sold the camper and got people ready to move
in. Visited Eric. Going to do a little cleaning and then maybe go
have a beer with Squid.

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08/03/1994

Spent most of today cleaning up around the house. I took

some stuff to storage, some to Eric’s and Richard’s Mom came
and picked up some of his shit. Goldie stopped by and went with
me to look at a camper. Lucy Service came back here. She was
really getting on my nerves.

I’m still missing Jody and wishing she would call. Mandy
called and I’m supposed to do something with her.

Looks like things are going to work out on the house. It will
be good to once again be in California. It’s so hot and miserable
here. Yuck!!!!!

08/04/1994

Just got through doing some work around the house getting it
ready for Lee to inspect.

I took Squid back to Tempe and looked at some campers and put
the storage to use. The camper I’m thinking of getting is $550

Got this month’s electric bill. It was actually higher than the
previous month’s. E-gad I’m missing Jody once again. I built up
this idea in my mind that we were going to spend a lot of time
together. She kind of gave me incentive to continue such
thoughts, only I had the rug pulled out from underneath without
notice or explained reason. It’s easy to draw your own
conclusions. I just wish she had been kinder about it.

Last night Mandy came over and was being her idiot self. I
went to sleep.

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08/05/1994

Called all the utility companies and scheduled disconnection

for this coming Tuesday. Richard took off to go visit some girl.
Have to throw things away. Take stuff over to Mom’s and call A/C
repair place. Prepare to see Lee the landlord.

…Yes, Lee came over yesterday and told me the house was in
the same condition it was in prior to my stay. Funny. Very Funny.

Last night I went out to Club Rio hoping to maybe see a little
Jody. Instead I saw a little Jasmica. She and I got into a heated
debate for a good half house. Goldie called me last night at 2 in
the morning and said she had bugs on her body that started a half
hour prior. At which time I had begun the candle and incense
burning along with meditation in order that Jody might receive
love and understanding, so that in turn she could bestow some
upon me and cast light on the dark areas of the recently
transpiring situation.

At one point the incense alter caught on fire. I suppose this

could be construed as a sign of it doing its prescribed intent. Or it
could be a total train wreck of an effort that was portrayed as
such with the alter catching on fire, as it were.

Today I played the tape Lauren made for me. Bob Dylan’s,
Most of the Time. I remember a few weeks ago, Jodi hearing the
lyrics and saying that’s a good song. At a point when I was about
to let her go. And then her stance stopped and our interaction
was beauty and togetherness. It made me feel good
remembering this and somehow I was content.

08/05/1994, Saturday:

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Picked up my uncle last night, went to Lagories, saw Eric, Joe

and Evan. Teas, Janine McDougal, Samantha. Dropped Eric off
and came back to the house and stayed up all night doing work to
the truck. Picked up camper shell and did a cheesy job of tinting
the windows myself.

Got another hour of tattoo work done at Clancy’s shop. The

guy who was giving me the tattoo was trying to convince me that I
should get my penis pieced. He talked about how penis piercing
drives the woman crazy. I thought about the qualities I would
want in a relationship. I thought about girls I’ve met that I liked a
lot and how things didn’t work out. It seems like it gets to be
lopsided appreciation if careful diligence isn’t maintained in
regards to a slow unfoldment process.

Sexual fantasies about this person or that. Lisa Kucinich and

Samantha stories running through my head. Sexual exploration.
The right person and how trying to fill that spot with a person to
stave off loneliness will generally lead you into bad human quality
problems.

Lack of dignity in dealing with each other on this planet. So

many people out to play games. So many people are unhappy.

Evan said I could come and live at his new house next door to his
parents anytime I wanted to live in Phoenix.

08/07/1994 Sunday

I took more stuff to storage. Truck started acting up on the way

home. Rick, Pete’s friend called, so I took it into Eddies to get
worked on. Later Clancy came by and I gave her my couch, my
plant, chair, etc. We talked for a while, but the dogs were acting
up. Richard called and said he had talked to Jodi and she had said

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that she always paged me and got no response, that she couldn’t
be chasing me and some other shit that sounds like BS. Even
Clancy said after giving her the story that the girl is full of shit.

08/09/1994

I woke up to the gas man coming to shut off the gas. Spent
most of yesterday writing suite papers up. Will finish today.
Goldie’s parents are starting to give her shit about the dogs now.
She was going to stay until they were sold, but her Mom’s now
saying she will kick her and the dogs out if she does so.

Clancy started on my back last night. It was a bitch. Very

difficult to endure. So much so that we didn’t end up finishing.
All the suffering got me to thinking about Jody. I decided to give
her a call and tell her about how her actions made me feel. She
asked when we were going to finish the tattoo. I told her maybe
she could start another, that someone else had taken over on that
one. She should? I said yes. Click. I had Goldie shoot me in the
ass earlier with some Ketamine to try and stave off some of the
pain from getting the tattoo on my back. The design I choose was
the Egyptian Funeral Birds.

I came home later and sat in front of the house singing a song
about the pain. No mercy in her cold actions, etc.

Still waiting for my truck to be done, waiting for the money.

Things are getting tight here. Still waiting to leave.

08/10/1994

Waiting for truck to be finished, this is now frustrating. I’m

just going to take the rest of my stuff to storage and stay with
friends until this thing is done. I went over to Marty’s last night
and finished the legal suite papers. I’m not sure why the power

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hasn’t already or when it is going to be turned off. I saw a split

window bus on my way back from using the pay phone. It
reminded me of Jodi. I had dreams about her last night. A row of
split window buses and doing a photo shoot in California. Talking
to Kelly about medium format cameras. A row of female models
to pose symmetrically with the cars. One model was missing so
we took a break. Spent time sitting down and talking to Jodi.
Child with red hook seemed to be the issue and reason for her
withdrawn state. She and I went into her house where we were
preparing a room for the child. My impression was that she
already had the child. But later felt that perhaps it was mine.
After a while I felt an understanding and a closeness develop. It
was nice. Then we were on a mountain snowboarding. Evan was
in front of me. I was catching huge airs and doing 360 degree
turns and fun tricks going fast. I got to the bottom of the hill and
talked to Evan while waiting for Jodi. She finally came down and
had a skateboard in her hand for some reason and said she
wished I had waited.

Goldie has been helping me a lot with the dogs, doing my

errands and all kinds of things. It is hard to refute her
faithfulness. It seems to almost be asinine to still try to cling to
Jodi when she demonstrates no effort at all in the wake of all that
I’ve offered. All the attempts I’ve made to have communication. I
kind of feel like writing yet another note, but only feel that
perhaps this would only be in vain.

My day consisted of going out to Mom’s house and getting

my pager. Taking last of stuff to storage. Seeing puppies, going to
Goldie’s house and making an appointment to get more work
done by Clancy.

8:20AM on Thursday the 11th. Still here with that flake, not

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finished with my truck yet. Clancy just about finished my Tattoo

last night. It will be good until they come to the expo in October.
I went out and visited Squid in Tempe last night. Talked a little bit
and sat in the living room while his roommate tried to play his
guitar in a technical jazz fashion. Ouch my ears.

Terri and her wife are supposed to be moving in today,

however I have no clue when so I’m kind of sitting here on the
edge of my seat wondering when they’re going to get here. I
can’t wait to get out of here. Last night was an endurance test,
but it finally got finished.

08/12/1994

Finally, back in La Jolla. Drove here last night. It was very

hot. The trip was long and slow. Top speed up hills was
approximately 35 miles per hour. Gave away most of my stuff to
the neighbors. Goldie’s going to be getting rid of the puppies this
weekend and next. Hopefully that goes smoothly. Moon is at
Russell’s for the time being.

I woke up this morning and unloaded some stuff out of the

truck. Started a load of laundry. I talked to Baba last night. He
said it could be soon or months on the house. Just going to try
and further minimize my possessions. Get a nice back pack, put
more money into the truck and prepare for snowboarding season.
Hence the snowboard and boots. Jodi called me or rather I called
Richard and he was talking to her and informed me that she
wanted to talk to me. She didn’t have much to say. Said she
didn’t know how she felt and that her position kept changing. She
said she wanted the house, but after my note, didn’t think that I
still wanted her to move in. She said I thought I left it open
ended, so that if she wanted to speak up she could have. I told

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her what happened with the house and how I’m now suing my
landlord and the people moving in gave me the shaft.

She mentioned me running up on her car. I explained that

from all the ignoring I got it was my natural assumption to make
the statement I did with all the messages left unreturned only led
me to believe all this to be true. Which is most likely an accurate
assumption Lust causes jealousy, addiction and hence bondage.
However, “If you want to salvage any kind of relationship
between us, it would have to be on the premise of mutual respect
and communication. No games, i.e., the hang up B.S., etc. I then
asked her if she wanted to talk face to face for a while before I
left. She said she couldn’t, which I didn’t really buy. I said if it
were me and I could I would make time, but if she really cared all
the crap that took place wouldn’t have transpired. I don’t know if
she got really fucked up on speed or what. I paged her last night,
but got no return.

Forget about her maybe?

Tried to find a carwash, ate an ice-cream cone, came back

and read some book about God. I fell asleep. Kind of bored and
in need of activity. Baba and Sat are to put me to work tomorrow.
Pity for others, give us understanding.

08/13/1994

I got up at 10:30 this morning. I was really sore. I went and

ate breakfast at the edible egg. Yuk. Came back and played guitar
for a while and then went to the little park with Gir Bonnie and
walked the rabbit. I started stretching and came back to start
playing guitar again. I went to the beach and laid in the sun for a
while. I came back and unloaded the compressor with Sat and
lifted some weights, played some more guitar, lifted more weights

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and stretched and then came into write. I was feeling a bit edgy,
but I am feeling better now.

08/14/1994

Got the news that we’ll be here to at least November 1st.

That’s way cool. I went out to the ocean and did a lot of boogie
boarding. I want to go snorkeling, but need goggles. Stayed
home and unloaded more stuff, laundry and guitar while Baba and
company spent their day in Del Mar and Torrey Pines. Played all
the notes for black hole sun five times. It’s coming slowly but
surely.

I haven’t seen Lauren in a while and Sat made the comment

that since we saw her we can’t… the lizard women. Sitting down
by the ocean with Gir Bonnie and her rabbit.

08/15/1994

Ha- Baba and company went to SeaWorld. I went boogie

boarding. It is really windy, so the surf is very choppy. Talked
with Lauren for a while on the beach. She says she’s moving out
in a couple of weeks. She said she can’t handle Jamie stealing her
clothes and wants her own room. I must admit the 15-year-old is
nerve racking at times. Last night she was complaining about her
missed phone call, I wrote the name down correctly, I just
addressed it to Lauren instead of her. At any rate, she had to
bring it up a second time this morning. I ignored her by going
back to sleep. She said, “I’m sure.”

Bill just stopped by and made some insults and told me to

watch out for his boogie board. It’s about time for some
companionship, someone to go out with once in a while.

Read more in the Yoga Book about non-attachment being the

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key to becoming one with Atman (or God in and around). The
eliminator of sarcavanahs (or deep rooted mundane
attachments), that keeps you coming back for more life times.
How fixation and attachment to mind, keep you in the
disincarnate God stage. Stuck in this cosmos and keeper of the
elements.

Shraavana is attracted to all that glitters and all that is

beautiful, while he wishes to succeed, to be in charge and to be
admired. Somewhat narcissistic, Saravanan is a bit of a ladies
man who isn´t lacking in tact and gallantry. In love, he is an
aesthete and is often first attracted by a woman´s beauty,
although deep and meaningful exchanges are just as important to
him. Therefore, his choices in love could be complex, often
hesitating between the beauty of one and the magnanimity of the
other or the reassuring presence of so-and-so... He is family
orientated and desires a comfortable and attractive home with a
wife who he imagines as being the perfect hostess and a fantastic
cook, if that isn´t asking too much...

I feel as if my weaknesses are:

A. Lust ; enjoyment of sex isn’t such a bad thing,

continual searching for some kind of fulfillment and
thereby relationships are merely transient and
unstable affection.
B. Erection for affection.

I’m loosening bounds on material advancement, trying to

minimalize my possessions this summer and perhaps do a lot of
snowboarding and traveling this winter and go to good spots to
do so.

I got rid of the house. (Major anchor) Putting lots of

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money into making my truck comfortable and reliable means of

accomplishing the above-mentioned goal. I’m really grateful for
the environment I have here. It’s allowing me a lot of room to do
the things I want to do without being dragged down in major
amounts of negativity. The ocean is so healing as well.

Goldie has really been doing a lot for me. Watching my

house while I’m gone and now taking care of and selling the
puppies for me. With so many positive attributes, it’s funny how
someone like Jodi manages to captivate my attention with her
passion and the feelings she gives me. While making me hurt and
doing things that show no consideration or caring; it sounds so
dysfunctional to me.

08/16/1994

I’ve been reading a lot of Thorough. His talking of writing on

personal experience, of conveying artfully the highlight of an
experience until you feel you have captured the thought and
feeling of the journey’s whole. Writing of personal experience in
a non-maniacal format.

The daily blah: Got up at 9:30 this morning, ate and

stretched. Still need to stretch more. Every day I wake up really
sore. I guess the ground is doing a number on my back. Tonight
I’ll roll out the sleeping bag. I’m waiting to see if I hear from Baba
about working today. I started looking in the paper for a job. I
think, except for big jobs, I’m seen as a big dent in the profits. I’m
still waiting for my $750 and what both owe me from working for
and with them a month and a half ago.

Sent Lee her letter, sue, sue sue. It’s windy out again today
probably have to forget the boogie boarding. I went down to the
beach yesterday and threw out the Egyptian tapestry and read

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until around sunset.

Saw some tattooed punk rock looking group. As I walked past

the girl stared at me and I heard the guy say. Take me upstairs
and read my tarot cards baby. Undaunted, I wondered if it was
directed towards me and if so, on what basis they made their
assertion knowing my tattoos to be covered and no obvious signs
of my interest in the tarot.

Upon arriving to the house I noticed a girl and two guys, once
with a broadcast camera and the other with either an A-1 or an L-
1. As they were leaving the girl nodded at me and the guy said,
“You actually live here?: I said Yes. “You’re very lucky, he said.
“Yes I am.” “You do some videos?” E-entertainment in Los
Angeles, sunsets, going to Tijuana… I told them about my TV
show the Capitalist Pig television program. Should have given
them my resume and card and asked about a job.

I might go to Kinko’s in La Jolla and see if they still need their

position filled and if so if my hair and beard will fly.

Sat told me last night that Kashna Kar from Los Angeles is
coming to town this weekend with niece and I should talk to her
about food and yoga. That she is a very spiritual and
knowledgeable lady that used to travel with Siri Sing Saab. Seems
as if no one would mind much if I took on the religious part of
their tradition. When I first started hanging with Sat he told me to
get into the Yoga, but not to worry about religious aspect of faith.
How it had become a bureaucracy. I’ve had a kind of running
underlying conflict with Jamie (Sahadna Kar). I would initially
classify it as 15-year-old problem in that common sensibilities
would circumvent the little ego games. Dominance- Beavus and
Butthead suck. No they rule. Quit telling me that cause they in

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my opinion suck. Oh and that was the girl from my work…. X 2

and use of my personal hygiene aides I found a bit irritating.
Sometimes nice, sometimes bitchy, as if some sort of underlying
animosity exists. How I find myself perhaps playing off of her.
Feeding into it instead of circumventing it.

Goldie called me this morning; the price on the dogs,

advertised at $400 is likely to drop down to 200 or 250 because of
the paperwork problem. I called around here to find out the cost
of a dog boundary. $270 a month is more than I pay to live here.
I’ll try giving Muffet a call and see if she could watch one of the
pooches for a while. I’m kind of hoping that Goldie gets a job and
then a place so I can have a place to keep him. Maybe there is a
slight possibility of keeping him here once Jamie and Lauren are
gone. If not, when we relocate in November perhaps the new
place will be dog approved. Sounds like I might get to tear up a
floor today.

08/17/1994

Just got off the phone with Goldie. She was nearly crying
about the difficulties of taking care of the dogs. She said she was
thinking of going up to British Columbia and was waiting for her
citizenship to go through in Arizona. She kept on saying I don’t
think you realize how hard it is staying here when there is no
reason for me to be here. I really hate this place and have wanted
to leave here for a long time. I said do you want me to try and
find someone else to take care of the puppies. No. “Did you just
want to waste money whining or did you want me to do
something about it?”

I worked with Sat and Baba yesterday tearing up a linoleum

floor. I spent a long time trying to get up the fibrous part of the

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floor, to no avail. We finally patched the bare spots to make it

level. It was kind of frustrating for me until Baba got there and
decided it was in fact to big of a pain in the ass to try the felt
removal without the right tool, which he didn’t want to rent.

I settled finances with Baba last night. The $730 he had for
me wasn’t all profit. It was like the money he owed me and the
money Sat owed me and very little actual profit. The whole
division of profit scale isn’t a very behooving division for me. I
turn over pre purchased portion, get reimbursed 2/3rd’s the
purchase price and I make $530 of which $357 is my cost.
Making $180 profit instead of $800. Fucked. Sat is now in the
position of helping Baba and I now get 3rd and 4th consideration
on the grant work. Brenda and Jamie work for less.

Kinko’s today.

Sat and I talked for a while down on the beech last night. It
was cool. Jamie stayed up until midnight with Bills friend talking
about movies. I played my guitar and read. I think I’m getting
better. I went boogie boarding yesterday. My first wave and I got
smashed against the rocks and suffered a few abrasions. On the
way back in (figuring the blood was going to attract sharks.) I saw
two seals 5 to 10’ directly in front of me. That was pretty cool.

I played guitar and had conflict with Gir Bonnie- Told her I
was going to have rabbit stew for dinner. Only a week and a half
until everyone goes to the Grand Canyon. Just noticed some cool
bird shit on my toe. Looks like a nice day out today…

08/18/1994

I went to Kinko’s yesterday, filled out an application and

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came back and did some reading and then bought a snorkel and
mask. I also looked into diving classes. Apparently I can get
certified for $125.00. I called Goldie back and told her to lower
the advertised price on the dogs by $100. Then I went out Boogie
boarding with Bill and Jamie. Almost hit the rocks again.

Jamie, Jim and I went down to La Jolla cove around four. We

hiked down some steep cliff terrain to a beach and prepared to
get in the water. Timing our departure after a wave had subsided
we started out. The first thing we saw was a string ray. At first I
was a bit alarmed remembering my close encounter with one so
many years ago in Mexico. The general rule of thumb seemed to
be all life forms observing each other and avoiding contact. The
sharks however were a bit more skittish when it came to close
encounters. If they felt at all confined they would hastily do a
series of evasive maneuvers in order to put themselves at some
distance. At one point there was four 4.5 to 5 foot leopard sharks
in and around us. When starting out we explored a series of caves
along the cliff wall that extended some 75 to 100 feet above the
water line.

One went in a circular path to another exit. Getting out of

this first mentioned cave was a somewhat difficult task. I lost my
fins twice and the water rushing in would cause boulders to come
rushing at you My first thought was how neat it would be to
bring Jodi to this place to sit and talk, or perhaps even make love.
It was so beautiful I just felt that whatever her problem is, some
time here would most definitely assist her in making inner
discoveries, which could assist in opening up my closed up friend.

I remember feeling grateful to be living here in this

environment and really enthusiastic about conveying my
experience in this journal and into a letter to her. At first there

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was that fear of the ocean, but once the concept of gratitude
entered my consciousness, I just saw beauty and felt a tranquil
peace.

One experience in particular was a huge school of anchovies.

As you would swim toward them, it was like a curtain separating.
I would get inches from being able to touch them and reach out
my hand to do so only to barely miss them as they evaded my
motion. Garibaldis, Sea Bass and a along thin fish were plentiful.
Exploring the several caves was very invigorating. Some better
than others, my favorite was the first wrap around. Towards the
southern end there was a plateau upon which 10 or more divers
were perched or circling in the water surrounding it. There was
also one cave with a wooden deck platform with people who had
followed some route from above. All the exercise is really good
for me and I look forward to doing it after along with my current
work out to eliminate excess body fat around my abdomen.

Jim the Lawyer who makes movies was a real nice guy and we
enjoyed his presence, while at times feeling he enjoyed Jamie’s
presence most. They seem to be getting to now each other well.
When we got out of the water, Jamie and I did some rock
balancing. She did 6 or more fairly quickly. It took me quite some
time to do two. They were very patient in waiting for me to
accomplish my second rock, which was shaped like Africa and
fairly large. It seemed as if the rocks I balanced required a more
specific fine point center of gravity while most of Jamie’s were
somewhat egg shaped and spherical with broad bases. I’ll have to
try those kind of rocks and see if they’re as difficult as the ones
that don’t look as if they should be standing at all. Finally
balancing the 2nd rock felt extremely gratifying. It will make my
fourth rock balanced.

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I sure miss Jodi. I looked forward to getting to know her real

well. As Baba says all you can do is let em know you’re there for
them when they’re ready. Upon returning I got a hold of Ali and
arranged to meet her at her gig in Ocean Beach at a place called
Winston’s. Upon arriving I drank a rum that was coke preceded
by a beer at the house. I talked with her and was reintroduced to
various band members. I went with Chad and Schroeder to the
back to check out some incense. Very good...

Upon returning inside I spent time talking to Chad until it was

time for him to go on stage. A young girl later introduced, as
Dana was the percussionist sister and had just got back from 3
months in Europe and Hawaii. Slowly but surely we began to
converse more and more until our conversation generated a
certain enthusiasm and gladness of getting to know her. She said
she might be interested in watching my Dog for a $100 a month. I
told her about my studies and interest in writing and my crazy
experience with Uncle in Phoenix, of turning loose of the sense of
attachment. Most people would be put off by the subject matter
delved into, but she seemed to be right there with me observing
my stories from her perspective and showing compassion for
some of the difficult circumstances mentioned. We exchanged
numbers and talked about doing some things together and to get
to know each other. Before she left I sent love to her through my
hand on her back and watched her smile. I think she felt this
warmth for she then proceeded to give me a hug. She told me
how cute and sweet I was. I told her “love to you my friend.” She
responded with, “peace to you.” She departed by leaving me in
the presence of what turned out to be a pretty cool dude. We
bought each other a couple of drinks and talked.

After the show we went over to Chad’s and drank and

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smoked until I passed out watching a snowboarding video. I woke

up at sunrise and drove home with the help of a caffeine pack.
I’ve got a pretty sincere headache at this point and am getting
ready to go cut out a door for Baba.

Kitar Kar is leaving back for Phoenix today. She said she
didn’t think she was going to come back. Gerbonnie, Sahadna Kar
and Lauren will all be gone within apparently 2 weeks, then it will
just be Sat, Baba and myself. I’m interested to know how this will
be. It’s like a big family and now some of the key characters are
disbanding.

I hope Goldie’s stay isn’t burdensome. I hope she can get a

job right away and maybe an agreeable living situation. I’m
grateful for all she does for me and am grateful to have her as a
friend, but am jaunted by the sudden changes she made on the
brink or occasion of “loosing me.”

She recently admitted to me that I was her first. I know what

a heavy attachment this can bring. I want to see her happy. I am
in a somewhat closed state in regards to getting close to her. I do
not find it within me to show the same kind of affection I did
before our separation began. I want to help her while avoiding
attachment.

A big television movie crew is in front of the house shooting

an episode of some sex and violence cable show. Several large
moving type vans fill the street, walkie-talkies, lighting and
camera gear and much more. Guess I’ll go get started in the love
scene?

08/19/1994

Sitting in front of the Ocean and it’s nice and overcast out

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today. Last night I went out to the seal point and met Dana. We
walked down to the house and watched the ocean from a couple
of spots. We held hands and at first I was somewhat nervous
about this, but after a while I got comfortable with it. Later we
walked to the palm hut. While standing there above me she
pushed by head back and kissed me.

We walked back to her house and sat outside with a lantern

burning and talked, she drank wine. She seems to have an
insistent nicotine habit. That seems to be the only quality I find
disagreeable about her so far. We have really good conversation
about spiritual related subjects. Her study in college was holistic
healing, physiology or something. She grew up a rich girl who
always got what she wanted. She looks back on her life as a
pleasant experience. I’ve told her a lot about my family. She is
saddened by this as much as the recounting of my experiences
weights somewhat heavy on my heart.

08/20/1994

I didn’t work with Baba and Sat yesterday. Just did the read,
write and snorkel experience yesterday. Went up to Moon-
doggies and ate fries with Sat and Baba and talked about getting
laid. I called up Dana and talked to her for a while about the
books I’m reading. She said she had pulled out her Thoth deck for
the first time in a long time. When I mentioned the Kabala the
night I met her she said she had read it, but didn’t seem to know
what the Golden Dawn was. To what extend she’s studied the
tarot I’m unsure, although as like me she is a neophyte. She said
that she wanted a reading. I told her I would, but let her shuffle
the cards and cut them. I would turn the cards over and she could
figure out what they meant to her… Why? “Because if I give you
my interpretation, it is merely what I perceive and who knows

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more about their life than the individual, (except under special
circumstances).”

Dreamt about Naomi last night. I met Zay and was talking to
him about prices for elbows. He told me Naomi was hanging out
with a guy named tiger-tawl or something. Something about a
four wheel drive she is or had been driving. Then she appeared
and told me about a spirit in her bedroom. I did a little exorcism
speak and the entity made papers fall off the wall. I did more and
fire exploded above my head. I had a big smile on my face. Zay
shook his head and said I’m peaking right now; I’ll talk to you
later.

Earlier I was visiting Tom Reardon and Alexia at a small rural

one-bedroom shack made of trailer material near farmland. It
was positive. He was happy Alexia had lost weight. I remember
Christy Tanguy being in a scenario somewhere involving sex. I
can’t remember if it was planned, talked about or committed, but
it left an impression on my memory.

Thought I’d write Naomi a letter today. Wrote Derik and

Taylor guitars. I read about them yesterday and I’m really excited
about getting an acoustic and learning some acoustic style playing
and getting my voice into shape and writing songs to perform for
myself and perhaps others. I spent a lot of time playing my
electric. I took everything down to the basement and spend a few
hours playing my own melodies. I really got into the peaceful
feeling I got from playing clean with a little delay.

08/22/1994

I just got off the phone with Goldie and gave her Muffet’s

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address. She said she was going to probably go up to Vancouver

and stay with her Mom’s friend and get a job there. I also called
Dawn and left my name and number to see if she’s interested in
the puppies.

This morning I went into mission beach and picked up Dana’s

bike and Andrew’s surfboard from Aaron’s house. I talked to him
a while and we took a cruise up to the store and talked about
politics and I told him about the stuff I used to do.

I got back to La Jolla and cleaned up more and started calling

a bunch of places in search of a job. I also looked for a few jobs
for Goldie. I’m waiting for a guy to come look at the weight set
right now. He’s supposed to be here in another 10 minutes.

Yesterday I went to breakfast with Krishna, Baba, Sat and

company. I showed Krishna how to operate her camera and we
then went down to seal beach and went snorkeling. Very murky
and the currents were really strong and made swimming back a
real chore. At one point I got off course and ended up on the
wrong side of the breaker wall, which caused me minor distress.

We then caught a ride from Baba over to the southern most

sector of the caves. This resulted in a lot of distance to cover in
the water. Krishna had a hard time with the climbing and the
caves, but we finally bade it back to shore. I got a lot of exercise
out of that. When we returned I went up to Dana’s on roller
blades and we went to her brothers and then down to the beach
where I found Andrew. Much to my delight there were good
waves, we went down to the beach and were surfing for 1.5
hours. I went in and got his long board and got up for a second
and kneed it the first time. We went back to Aarons, ordered
Pizza and drank wine until we left to pick up her roommate and

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hang out at Jose’s and drink. I was getting pretty tired at that
point. Dana’s friend from South Africa was telling us about her
last boyfriend and their 8-year soap opera. After that they took
me home and I crashed. Jamie, Ger Bonnie and Baba all split this
morning for Arizona. Glad to have things mineralized around
here. Lauren is moving out at the end of the month as well.

By this winter I would like to have my truck in tip top

condition and a good amount of money saved so I can do
snowboarding trips as much as I want to. In traveling maybe find
a place that really appeals to me such as Seattle or wherever and
stay there for a while before going on an out of country
expedition either to Switzerland, Europe and India and Hawaii is in
order as well.

08/23/1994

Getting ready to go to D.J. interview down in Ocean Beach. I

spent last night at Aaron’s with Dana and Shawntell. We watched
a lame murder movie called Blink. It was Sat’s birthday. I stopped
by and said hello and wished him a happy birthday. I keep finding
Shawntell very intriguing. Dana and I were showing each other
aggressive affections. I ended up crashing over there. During the
day I went and explored new employment possibilities, which
included a job at a kennel in Encinitas right by a skate park. Lots
of phone calls were made. Dreamt about Richard’s sister and her
friend wanting to have a threesome.

08/24/1994

Went to Music Trader today and traded in all the plastic from
my CD cases and bought 3 logic cases for the CD’s. Went to
Buffalo Exchange and gave them some of my clothes. I came
home to meet a guy that was supposed to buy my compressor,

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but he flaked. Found one cheaper at Sears. Wrote Richard a

letter and sent him some cash for Moon. Called about some
guitarist Ads. Tried to practice. I must have a mental block.
Monster Magnet, Neurosis and Offspring. I played with the
Offspring CD basic bar chord punk. Ali called and put me on the
guest list. Sat and I are going to go check out Wise Monkey
Orchestra tonight. We went to Panicking, Warehouse records and
Baskin Robbins last night. I finally broke down and bought the
rest of the CD notebooks and a Neil Young CD. I went to sleep
tired after surfing twice and going to the D.J. interview. Biking
and rollerblading. Got up to sorting through my C.D. collection.

Goldie sold 4 puppies yesterday, ye-hah! She took less

money than she should have, oh well. Still got $800 coming and
two puppies left to sell. I called on a hotel job today, it doesn’t
sound hopeful. I guess I’ll go get another paper and copy out
some more jobs that sound good. Some photographer is taking
pictures of models right now, interesting. Maintain that boner as
you round the corner.

I dreamt about escaping judicial problems. Jimmy was

bitching about his gun. He paged me today; I recognized his voice
and hung up on him.

Later I dreamt about being a detective and unraveling clues

and evidence to convict suspects.

08/24/1994 Thursday

Sitting in the windowsill watching the ocean and listening to

Neil Young’s new album. Sat and I went to Winston’s last night
and drank a couple of pitchers of Sam Adams and watched Wise
Monkey Orchestra. I got to bed around two and up at 9:45.

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Dreamt about being in Arizona during the winter, about fixing

up a house that Irving owned, him hoping I would move in. Trying
to get some cement to finish work. Ace closed. Go to ATM and
start figuring out how to pull it out and remove it’s contents.
Leesa Bentley ala doggie style was in there somewhere. Of coarse
as usual when I’m getting ready to come, I wake up. As I woke up
I saw a note from Jody in my dream. I concentrated to try and
make out the contents I thought it said to stop calling, etc., but at
that time I was conscious and unsure if that was an objective
interpretation. Going to go get a paper and look for some more
jobs and probably go see George Clinton tonight.

08/25/1994 Friday

Sitting on the beach, it’s been overcast all-day and raining on and
off. Therefore I’ve seen some nice waves out there. Still letting
my arm heal I guess. I went and interviewed for a job as a
musician. I have a tape and the songs are simple. After I learn I’ll
audition. I put the compressor in the paper again. I went to
coffee with Sat and hung out with Dana last night and talked in
front of the ocean with Sat. I bought Gruntruck and Killing Joke
CD’s today.

9:30 08/27/1994

I am listening to the Who. I dreamt about my Dad, Baba and

Sat at the Ashram and in conflict. Delivering Pepsi or Coke in
Pepsi truck. Down in Mexico in the Desert hiking around and
running into party places. I was by water and houseboats. Almost
like the Grand Canyon. Life as an Indian at some point. Father
and I get put on Indian reservation. Looking back at pictures of
him and I as younger and then again older.

Last night Sat and I went to Moon doggies. Picked up Dana

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and brought her back to the house. She hung out for a while. We
went down to seal beach and watched the seals for a while. Then
we walked back up to the house. She split and never called us
back about playing pool at A.J.’s. Put another ad in for
comparison. Talked to Sat about Ashram.

Never have heard a peep out of Jodi. Oh-well. It’s not like I
have time for people that drag me down.

08/27/1994

Another morning of kicking back. I went down to Garnett last

night to check out the scene. A whole lot of bars with a lot of
people I’d just as soon never meet. I was on my way back to the
truck, after not being particularly intrigued by any of the social
crowds seen, when I heard the doors coming from a bar, as I saw
that it was moon doggies, , so I went in and ordered a pitcher.
The ratio was 8:1 male. As I worked my hardest to finish the large
amount of beer I had ordered, I noticed Dana and her friend from
work. She came over and talked to me a bit. I’ll call you, bomb
fire, blah blah blah. Well maybe she’ll call, the X being the
motivating causal agent.

I went surfing yesterday twice. I got pounded a couple of

times. Building up a tolerance to the punishment. These waves
can dish out the punishment. After that I went to the funeral D.J.
job thing and checked out the scene. I’m most enthusiastic about
the A/V job I’ll be checking out this week. I’m going to check out
some young director cut, local, New York film school hype. See
what he does.

Going to go snorkeling with Sat today. Dana is supposed to

come with, Vai. I talked to Jodi briefly this morning. She was
sleeping and said to call her back. I said how about you call me

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back. Ok. Don’t know when I am, no, pager, blah. I didn’t page.

Did a meditation on past life. Jodi and I lived by the ocean

together. Happy she’s dealing with issues her soul needs to take
care of. Experiencing happiness by the ocean would be
something she’s already done with me. Knew Sat in the Midwest
before going to Vietnam and getting myself killed. Life as an
outlaw on horse doing the train robbery thing.

Guy may trade clutch installation for the air compressor.

I feel like doing a little traveling. Going up to Canada with

Goldie would be cool. The Yoga book I’m reading preaches
abstinence from sex, greed and attachment.

08/28/1994

Dreamt about Jodi. I was talking to her about a house and

job. I said hold on and thought she clicked over lines and started
yapping up a storm to the guy. She thought I was a demonstration
of her flakiness. Robyn Utterback and I were performing various
sexual rituals. The first time I stopped talking to her was for
dishonesty. I decided to pick myself a better girl (Mandy) ha-ha.
The next time we got together was in my living room after doing
some nude photos. Much to Kubicheck’s dismay. So I should
learn this is a definite sign I’m not meant to be with a single
person. Who have I been faithful to? Fulltime girlfriend… Always
looking for qualities I could deplore. Doesn’t matter as long as
she’s a whore. Just one big fucking sex trip.

I sat talking to Jody about my change of diet and healthy

living.

I went out this morning to the girl in front of the house, she
reminded me of Robyn, ever searching for some kind of sexual

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fulfillment. Sat came out and we talked about electricity and

trickle down management. I went to bed last night talking about
the same thing; mostly electricity and Indian history, Sikhs and
their assassination of the ruler of India for invading their temple.

I went and saw Jerry Junior’s film yesterday. It was pretty

good for video. The effects he pulled off were very interesting
using transparencies. A lot of good musical selection at the right
times. Audio levels were peaking out at strange intervals. Very
well directed and orchestrated story line. Creative story line as
well. Impressive all the way around.

I read more of Patanjali about detaching oneself from greed

and sex. Loosening one’s bounds from these superficial
externalities will yield the devoted spiritual knowledge of past
present and future lives.

I am going to do some more reading and write a couple of

letters. Goldie called last night. She’ll be coming in four days.
She sold the rest of the puppies. I think I may have a guy
interested in buying the compressor.

08/30/1994

I got up early to go surfing with Jim. We’re not going to go

until 10:00AM. I talked to Jody last night to see where she was.
She was actually responsive and positive. I was very happy to
communicate with her. We talked for around an hour. She found
herself a place on 7th Ave and Portland. Probably where Count
Dougula used to live. She said that she was applying for a job at
Buffalo Exchange and that it looked promising. She seems to be
making some strives toward independence. I told her doing this
would be good for her and make her stronger. She said she
doesn’t really work at HTC much anymore.

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I told her about the prospective housing situation. I think

she’s fine where she’s at right now. Snowboarding season is still a
plan. Contact with her when I come back into Phoenix to get rid
of more of my stuff.

I told her I loved her and care about her very much. We
talked about the tattoos and acknowledged all the pain I was
going through at the time, my motivations and I apologized for
any pain it may have caused her. She said she appreciated my
letters.

This morning I went surfing with Jim after doing a yoga set
with Sevik. It’s almost noon now. I have my job interview at 1:30.
I hope that goes well. I talked with Richard yesterday and am
supposed to be getting some snowboard boots. I played Sevik’s
guitar last night. Did some surfing as well. I got fucked up on the
rocks again. Ouch! Might go to Canada with Goldie for a while.

4:00PM

Well Baba and Jamie made it back. Just got in from an

interview. A/V job. Besides barely being able to find the place
everything went good. I spent time talking to both owners. We
shall see… House occupancy went down from 7 to 3 and now back
up to 6 returning soon to 3 and then…

If this job doesn’t happen I’m definitely up for a little trip.

Jamie’s 15 year old ego BS is a bummer sometimes. Otherwise
she’s cool. But… Got to see Jessica and Baba reunited. The Dali
Lama and all that shit. Smack dab in the middle of the rainbow
gathering. Bill even calls me Hippie.

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CHAPTER 3: SEPTEMBER 1994

09/01/1994

I went surfing with Gurse twice yesterday up in Delmar.

There were pretty nice waves. I came back here to the pad at 465
Coast Blvd and rented a movie.

Gudu Keirn and Ashon are here to visit and take Jamie back
with them when they leave. We hung out a little last night and sat
out front and did a little smoke. Gurse and I drank a pitcher and
played darts at the La Jolla meat market. 2 for 1 me.

I talked to Jerry Junior and he said a film company wants to

take him up on his video. He wants to use me on production. I
invited him to shoot this weekend with Jim. I also finished Jodi’s
letter and tape. I’m going to look through papers again today and
learn video guitar licks for the band Broken that wants to audition
me this weekend. I suppose I need to get busy and do some
things.

09/03/1994

Squid and a friend of his by the name of Sean showed up in

town yesterday morning. I took them to the beach at Mission and
did some surfing. Hanging out in the sun and watching Sean scam
on some chick from Indiana or Ohio that sings and plays guitar. I
guess she wants to get together and play. I came back and made
a big spaghetti dinner. I saw Gudu Keirn, Jamie, etc. off and had a
basement session with everybody. Gurse and I were planning on
going down to see Baja tomorrow for a surf session. Goldie will
be here on Monday… I dreamt about Jodi. She was doing the
powder stuff. I found it in her jewel box when she started flaking
out on me again, not showing up and generally fucking off. I was

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driving down the freeway to TJ in back of Bob’s VW pickup. Mike

Kramer comes along in a fucked up bus and I get into it on the
freeway to ditch Jodi, who is behind me, but is supposed to be
with me. Before this I was in the living room here with her doing
tricks on her skateboard watching the boats go by on the ocean.
We were making some sort of plans together.

09/04/1994

I went to see Baja with Gurse and Squid yesterday. Checked

out Rosarita, K38-39. It was pretty cool. Just the waves were
mush. Crushed, drank beer, watched football at the sports bar.
We ended up getting back around five in time see another funeral
in front of the house. I picked up a couple of purple sea urchins
for Jodi.

I watched the Chargers and the Broncos play. The Chargers

won. I passed out and woke up to this girl Amanda talking about
the swell out front. I talked to her for a while. She tried to work
my back and I worked hers. I totally have a hang over.

I dreamt about some fat woman/man. Doing some kind of

video in the end. Get all the information and then go subjective,
so you’re in the situation. Dreamt about playing some CD like
Killing Joke for people. Playing with Kavon and another guitar
player.

09/05/1994 Thursday

I can’t find $100.00 I had last night. Squid, Goldie and I went
out to Club Tremors and drank many $1.00 drinks. We then
talked with a couple of want a be lesbian girls offered them $100
only to find out later I end up loosing the money, ike.

I have a bad hang over this morning. I finally started rolling

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out of the basement around noon. Chief and Goldie got into town
with guitar Kar around 1:00pm. I wasn’t expecting Chief, so was
kind of stressed until Baba came down and told me that it was
cool for the dog to be there. Sat around most the day with Squid
and did some playing. It was fun. I have been looking at video
camera set ups (L2). It would be killer with Hi-8 editing decks.

09/06/1994

I’m kind of bored and haven’t been able to surf so I’m starting
to get a little restless. The old shoulder clicking has been giving
me trouble and all. I dreamt about going up to Oregon and The
7th Day Adventists seeing my tattoo and Jeff called it Witchcraft
and ordered me to leave and never return. I shrugged my
shoulders and started to walk away, he then reconsidered. Only
to have me come down with a minor case of possession and an
attempt at exorcism. A burning feeling in my chest as he tries to
oust the demon.

Looking at the layout of the house they look like Zombies. A

week ago I was dreaming about swimming with dolphins and
stingrays. It was kind of cool except the stingrays had teeth,
which were a bit of a trip.

Naomi just called me and said hello and then immediately

started in on a diatribe. I was informed that she was going to NYU
a million times. I told her that she never had and this was
grounds for accusing me of being too altered at the time to have
remembered our conversation x2 x3. Finally I said you’re being
rude and condescending. Blah, drop it, everything’s good for you
there, yae. Take care and talk to you soon.

I dreamt about some whore making a porno. I knew her, she

was a face I didn’t recognize, but for a moment I thought maybe it

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was Jodi.

Lisa Carter showing up at an apartment of mine in the middle

of nowhere. Living with Goldie. Goldie sitting there. Lisa Carter
blatantly propositions me in front of Goldie and suggests taking
me back to some remote place for sex and such. I turn her down.
I was wondering how the hell she found out where I was living.
(Premonition that ended up occurring during 1998 while living on
College Ave. and going to ASU)

I am bored and might go down to the basement and try to

meditate and then look for a better job.

09/08/1994

I went to Black’s Beach yesterday with Goldstein. I came back

and went to Dog Beach in Delmar with Nichums. I came home
and smoked a fine cigar that seemed excessively dry. I looked
through a video catalog at equipment while making fun of stupid
TV shows and trying to figure out whether or not to go to the
Crash Worship show. I was slightly negative yesterday about the
house situation. I figure I’m ready for a vacation.

Dreamt about Brooke Raudenbaugh getting death threats.

Some guy’s were there to kill him. A cop shows up and won’t kill
them. He gave me the gun and I miss twice and hit him in the
chest. He then gives the gun to his friend. I shoot him in the
head. Then I shoot the next guy, but at that point, I was out of
bullets.

I run and find R. D. and get a .45 from him to finish off the
second guy who is after me. I load the clip real quick with orange
tipped bullets. Then I woke up and Goldie’s awake next to me at
5:48A.M. I finish off the dream in my head using senses to detect

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weather or not I feel any signs of villains in my presence. Thus I

won the scenario.

In the next dream I remember the following. I’m playing in a

band with Squid and maybe a few others at the old apartment at
the Beau Chateau. Then some guy who reminds me of Kurt is
there. There was a gig in the home with members. 3 different
rooms were available. I was trying to pick the one I want telling
them I had lived there before and the advantage of each room.
Brilliant purple colors and hue in each room. I talked to Naomi
yesterday she was a bitch. Someday, maybe over the rainbow,
she’ll grow up and stop her childish games and such.

09/10/1994

I just got through talking to Sat about Earth ships and such.
Living on the land and building your own place. Evading the
government scrutiny via living trusts. Goldie’s mother on
telephone giving neurotic scrutiny of our living conditions via
Goldie’s consent. Goldie went out and bought me breakfast this
morning and cooked it for me. Weird how she will do something
like make me eggs and in spite of my request for scrambled she
gives me over easy. Upon saying something she replies that she
very rarely makes scrambled. Only once or twice a year. It just
occurred to me that she forgot, or I forgot to offer Sat eggs.

I guess the conversation we were having kept me from

thinking about it. Breaker switch for television thrown as
retaliatory measure by devious women as social conflict develops.

I went looking at Taylor, Martin and Guild guitars yesterday.

Cathaways mostly. I played a 12 string Taylor cutaway that was
simply marvelous. It captivated my attention for some time.
Going back to the six strings bored my ears and troubled my

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fingers. They sound wonderful through a Rolland Jazz Chorus.

$1700 an approximate price I would be spending to buy one of
these most outstanding instruments to last me a lifetime.

I talked to Baba last night. It would seem that he might stay

over till Tuesday. I’m to start my new job tomorrow morning.
Yucky. Next Claudia will be stopping in Tuesday night to go to
Magic Mountain with Goldie and I. Claudia is Goldie’s friend from
Germany, but of Croatian descent. I went and saw Natural Born
Killers last night with Sat and Kitar. I thought it was a pretty good
flick. Then after the movie Sat and I had a good talk about the
title wave of insanity approaching human history as espoused by
Yogi Bhajan. George Washington’s prophecies and all the millions
killed in World War 2.

This morning I called about an environmental job and left a

message.

09/12/1994

Sitting at my new job listening to film expose and advise. It’s

kind of cool I suppose. Instead of advancing everything myself,
this machine does it all for me. All I have to do is make sure the
machine doesn’t jam and keep loading rolls. They’re going to be
getting another machines this week and I’ll be running two at
once. I suggested to the owner John, that he invest about 20,000
and start offering video services. Afterward I went out to lunch
and took care of a couple postal service procedures.

I just finished the “”How to Know God” book by Patanjali.

Liberation is obtained through realization of the Atman within.
One must strive to eliminate the ego of the mind. Meditation on
gross and then subtle objects development of Psychic Powers and
then overcoming their temptations to become one with the

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Atman again. One must also avoid the disincarnate God stage.

I started reading Ann Rand’s book “For the New Intellectual.”

It seemingly renounces everything the Patanjali book would say,
insisting that in the world today there are Brutes and political
people who insist thought is unnecessary for the individual and
they must abide by what is told even if common sense lends to a
message that may be contradictory. Witch Doctors she says are
the archetypical idols that cast importance to artificial animal
figure Gods. Placing them above humanity on the scale of worldly
importance. Also mentioned was the mindless faith involved in
accepting the idea that something outside of the self will
somehow remedy a collapsing situation. This being the current
for the ignorance that plagues society as our America heads
downward ridden with cesspools of non-thinkers who refuse to
look at the issues at hand.

So from one extreme to another in viewpoints. It came

to me over the night though that to actively fight the culprit is
something I felt to be a futile cause.

A. Destiny of country and world according to biblical and

other prophecy.

B. Native outlook produced and hence state of existence

felt when actively combating negative issues.

C. 100th Monkey Theory.

I’ve been politically active in the past and I discovered that

combating issued via writing senators, media manipulation,
including by having one’s own television show. Candidate
consultation and even consideration of anarchy and political
revolutions activities. On what fronts have there been real

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changes I ask myself? I saw cops one night and noticed my

television show playing in the background of some devious armed
drug dealers, the good old Phoenix Police Department were
visiting. Persistence and determination? Every person is a
problem or a solution. So much inner turmoil came from my
feelings of animosity towards the injustices I see committed
around me as our country and world loose freedom and become
dominated by the Brutes of Treachery. I also chalk such
emotional passion for issues to the thriving hormones of youth.
Idealism untested; with age one tends to gradually see things
differently. The world is what it is and while we may strive to be
causal agents for productive change, we often find in time that
the best way to accomplish this is to create inner peace and
harmony so that we can be examples of right action and behavior
and thus be a shining beacon for others to see and perhaps even
model.

This afternoon on my lunch break I see 2 men trying to

attack a boy with a backpack. He has an aluminum pipe in his
hand and he’s swinging at the men. In the background I see a
smashed bicycle underneath a Volvo. Our world.

Dreamt of seeing Jodi and a new girl as I ate food with

Frank Zappa. I went over to talk to her and the girl (Jodi’s hair had
grown out), however both walked away from me as if to avoid me
so I turned around and wrote them off from further
consideration. The night before I dreamt about being in a
ceremony of a spiritual nature with candles and a defined shape
in the ground, somewhat like a camelback. Last night 09/13/1994
I was living in home depot across from the gun store looking for
bullets for a gun to ward off some Mexican guy who wasn’t
supposed to be there, as it was closing time.

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Phillip Stecker’s house was full of guns and I was

dispatched to go there over company radio. I was hiding the guns
for fear of the government starting to take them away. The
government was trying to find them in his hiding spots. I found an
HK. Hidden in the drill isles at Home Depot. I woke up to having a
good fuck with some girl, can’t remember who.

Sereshi left yesterday with little notice. I picked Claudia

up from the airport today. Baba should be coming back from San
Francisco today. D, like the flake he is never called him. I told
Baba just to adjust things one way or the other if flake out occurs.

09/13/1994 Continued

The machine at work has been one problem after another.

I got fired and rehired all in the same day. First my floor manager
tells me later and then the plant manager tells me, “we’d like you
to stay.” And you can make your phone calls and you can have
tomorrow off.

09/14/2016

I went to Majick Mountain yesterday with Goldie and

Claudia. I rode the rollercoasters until I felt like I was going to
puke. I came home and read and watched a movie. I then went
to sleep at work again. I dreamt about Claudia and Lauren
becoming dykes together and I was sucking on Claudia’s nipple
and Goldie was getting mad. I woke up to Goldie rubbing my
shoulders. I also dreamt about Bonniebrooke Bullock inspiring me
to maybe write her. I saw a raccoon last night. Niche was tripping
the little sucker. I played my guitar for a while, starting to get
better at practicing the licks out of the book. Haven’t got a call
from D. yet, the fucker better not flake on me again.

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09/14/1994

Sitting outside of work waiting for this girl to finish her

processing. I was done 15 minutes ahead of her, but the Bitch
(Michelle) is making me wait. The dyke is a cunt. Always trying to
pull the power trip. I called it on her today and she re-mentioned
something about how she tried to have me fired. She’s all pissed
off still and trying to fuck with me whenever her hemorrhoids
flare up. Kavon’s coming down from LA and Squid is coming in
from the East Coast. I’m starting to look forward to taking care of
the business in Phoenix. The Rave thing and all. My truck should
be done one of these days here soon. Goldie jumped me this
morning. Saw Claudia off to the airport and dreamt about Marty
giving me an old Mesa-Boogie amplifier to try out. I want to get
some kind of recording gear and start laying down songs. Shitty
or whatever, just to start getting practice at it. Kavon said he
wouldn’t mind farting around on the bass for it.

09/18/1994 Saturday

I went and saw Pavement last night with Squid, Goldie and
Kavon. We got there late and missed Big Drill Car. We all ate a
little X and no worky. Today we got up and I played some music
and decided to play ditch the Goldie at the show and hung with
Squid and Kavon all day. We did the ocean raft experience. We
have this band Big Mo Bag Green staying with us. We’re going to
go see them tonight after we get back from Anaheim to get Squids
Tattoo done. I dreamt about Ol’ Laurie from Phoenix. Wouldn’t
mind getting with her soon. I met this cool girl Alicia last night;
she was a friend of Laurens. Seems pretty friendly. Goldstein
always seems to integrate her presence at strategic intervals, to
ward off the evil presence of interested females. It is kind of
nerve racking when you are into trying to meet women. Goldie is

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so domestic, putting the bed out, bringing me food in the

morning, taking my plate and all that.

Traveling down a road

I begin to know - Life

The taste of joy

Going down a road

Getting farther I see

New realities

Given to you, to you and me

Isn’t it beautiful, this embrace?

The moment of grace, in time and space

Living here now, I see how

To embrace what surrounds, never let yourself down

Do the things you want

Make your life the way you want

Given up on duality

Simply seen as existence, pure and sweet.

Love the life given to you and me.

09/17/1994

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I went up to LA yesterday with Squid and Kavon. We

went to get Squids tattoo done, but Paul decided without some
cash, nothing could happen. Before we were about to leave, I
asked if he could fill in the last row of my lotus for $50 bucks. He
redid the whole tattoo and spent about four and a half hours
doing it. Quite the deal considering the $120 an hour rate they
normally charge. It was pretty smooth considering I had just ate
my Vitamin X. I didn’t feel much. He said he went to the tattoo
expo Saturday and Sunday. He saw Jody and her dyke lover.
Write off the dumb bitch. I got played, just her style. Worthless.

I went over to Squids Grandma’s house afterwards. Kavon

drove back, while I kicked it in the back. I missed seeing Mo Bud
Green at Dream Street. So later we watched Beavus and
Butthead and went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night
to give Goldie the old in and out mate. I woke up in the morning
in time not to show up for work. New interview tomorrow and I
went out looking for a van for Squid. Looked at a 69 Camper Bus,
just like the one I used to have. I went down to the beach and
saw a nice looking girl in a white bathing suite. We looked at each
other for a while and finally got up and left. I’m going to read and
write Bonnie a little and try and figure out the S.F. scene.

09/18/1994

I went to a job interview at noon. I came back and took

squid to see a lame bus. Lots of chilling. Finally heard from the
Northern group. Squid’s downstairs breaking in my new set of
strings on my guitar. Irrrrr… No one touches it unless per chance
they put it away nice and new. Sacred again. I should go out and
sit in front of the ocean and mellow out. Do some acoustic finger
picking too.

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09/19/1994

Yesterday I watched the tube. Dreams yesterday included

RD kicking on waterbed, big waves. There were soldiers marching
in uniform, patterns preparing for some kind of war. Spent time
down in basement reading and writing letter and playing guitar. I
played Goldie a game of chess. Gurse stopped by and gave me a
cigar. Coincidently I had been smoking one earlier in the evening.
Squid’s money should get here tomorrow so he can find a vehicle.
Hopefully my truck will be done as well. By the weekend that is.
Take it on a journey I suppose. I dreamt about driving it. I need
to go to Phoenix and condense the rest of my living situation, take
care of Moon and visit a few friends.

Seems like Sat has been irritated about something, he

rarely says much and hasn’t had much to say to me, even when I
ask. I have a feeling all the people coming through here is a bit
nerve racking to him. Squid’s stay is turning out to be longer then
I planned. All is well that ends well, but for now it’s one of those
cashless situations, which doesn’t mean a hole lot in terms of
much. I guess we’ll see if he returns to normal personality mode
when all returns to normal. Goldie hasn’t quite found her job yet.
I quite the first photo lab on Monday. This new one says I coded
end up doing portraits. I wouldn’t mind investing in a video
camera here soon. I would like to start doing some projects with
it. Maybe I should wait until the L2 goes to 3 CCD. I hate to get
one just to have them up grade their image process the next year.

Maybe do the music equipment up grade instead. If I start

spreading my interests out too wide, something always suffers. I
can’t give everything the kind of energy it needs. It’s hard for me
to keep my interests focused on one thing. I’m always trying out
new things. There are so many things I like to do.

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09/25/1994

I picked up Moon from the West Side today. She looked like
shit. Really skinny and her ears were fucked, etc. I went to the
Petsmart and picked her up a 40-pound bag of Iams dog good, 15
cans of food, a brush, shampoo, rawhide and ear medicine and a
flea collar. Thankfully she’s no starting to look a little better.

Got into town last night around midnight. Crashed and got
up this morning, stopped by storage and went out to Tempe and
Mesa and picked up a new driver’s license and didn’t succeed in
accomplishing anything Squid needed to get done.

I saw Eric and Andrew and Monica and also Mike Miloro. I
got the amp back from Mike. He was geeked out. Terry Clothe
called. He was geeked out too. (Like as in on speed)

I found Squid the cool 79 Camper Bus yesterday and

followed him out of here. Took my guitar in for repairs and
looked at some gear. I got my muffler worked on as well.

I guess Goldie will be coming out to Phoenix Tuesday and

staying a little while and then heading back up to British Columbia
to stay with a friend of her Mom’s. I said she should take
Noochums with her. I’m trying to spend a little time with
Moonums to calm her down. Possibly give her a try there on the
beach and see how she does. I am going to put an ad in for my
truck, probably off it for 5K and buy Sat’s truck. I give it paint and
a few bucks mechanically and at least be able to go up the hills at
the speed limit.

Sat gets into town Tuesday or Monday. He’ll stay for at

least a week; I think he has some work to do and hopefully
everything will work out best with the truck deal. I’ve been giving

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some deals or offers to do some work while I’m here with Russell
and Tony. I’d kind of like to be doing some work. Being on a
permanent vacation leaves my physical aspect sometimes
unfulfilled. Surfing is one release, but when the shoulder acts up I
guess it’s my responsibility to find another hobby to undo me.

Speaking of which I’m doing a Marshall Arts training

seminar for street fighting at Khalid’s studio tomorrow from 1 to
5. I imagine it will be pretty cool; I’m looking forward to it. I
talked to Marty for a while today about the Jimmy situation. He
said giving the tapes to the detective and giving him the police
report should get it off of his desk, at which point Jimmy will have
the option of trying to pursue it civilly. If he does in fact attempt
this, then I can subpoena the officers involved and pretty much
rest assured the case would be dismissed.

Technically, I don’t think this situation constitutes

criminal theft; therefore it should automatically be referred to
civil court. I just think the detective is trying to work on Jimmy’s
behalf.

09/26/1994

Sitting in the driver’s license bureau waiting for Squid to

get a driver’s license. I have the feeling he won’t be able to get it
anyways. It’s a good time to write I guess. I’m going to pick some
more stuff up from storage today. I mailed Walsh the tape of
Jimmy. I got my mail from my PO Box. I received a letter or
response from Lee Bitchford with a bunch of lies and BS. Sat’s
getting into town on Tuesday evening. I put in the ad for the yard
sale and the truck; we’ll have to see how that goes.

I went to Marty’s street defense workshop with Master

Khalid yesterday from 1-5. I picked up another load of stuff on

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the way. The workshop went all right, we used NLP to install
defense response anchors. Master Khalid showed some basic bag
techniques for street response fighting. The next workshop is
going to be on knife and gun response training. I took Squid out
to Ted’s to pick up some of Squids furniture and took it over to his
new place with Tiffany. I stopped at Kinko’s and saw Denise’s
sister.

The night before we went out to the vibe and had a few
beers and saw Richard and Jasmine, Penguin, Laura and Damon,
and their friend. Gaining some weight she is. This and that Phunk
Stumpies about DJ-ing Teflon’s little light show; all the same
people. Then we split to Party Gardens. Boring. Took off again
after harassing some want to be lesbians.

I’m getting sick of being the chauffer. I want to be getting the

shit I need to get done over with. I wasted time last Saturday
trying and not succeeding. I’ve been going through the old filling
cabinet throwing away as much shit as possible. I’m probably
going to try getting a hold of Laurie today. If not I can write off all
the same old snatches. I dreamt about Lisa Kubicek last night.
Fucking her. Maybe Alisha Bratcher as well. Could be a sign that I
need to get laid eh?

09/27/1994 Tuesday

Goldie came over with Niche last night and spent the night.
She took Squid to get insurance and a temporary plate for his van.
I waited for the truck trader guy to get here and unload the truck
and straighten up for his arrival.

I talked to Bonniebrooke for the first time in 4 years or

more. I guess she’s living up in Oakland with her Boyfriend and
doing a lot of camping and hanging out at the beach. I told her a

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little about my life and I am supposed to see her tonight. I have to

try and get the part my truck needs installed.

Niche and Moon are playing in the livingroom right now and
are messing up the carpet. Last night I dreamt about being
involved in some war, possibly down in Nicaragua. How we were
amassing forces and getting ready to go attack the enemy. I feel
asleep and woke up and everyone had already left.

Some girl with the same body as say Carrie or Jodie was in my
area and I was squeezing her nipples while she gave me a head
job that just about made me cum. I thought of fucking her and
was feeling the interior regions of her pussy and it was tight
around outside and felt something like a rough spot inside and got
a bit scared about sticking it in her.

I wish I could remember more about the war sequence, there

seemed to be a lot going on in it. Details perhaps of a past life or
future occurrence.

Should be a smooth trip over the next couple of days. By the

time I get back hopefully there will be a new vehicle situation
dawning.

09/29/1994

Just got back from my trip to the Oakland area, visited Bonnie
Brooke. Her and her boyfriend live in an art studio. The same one
the singer from Fungo Mungo lives in. They were cool. The next
day I went to go have lunch with her at her work. That was pretty
cool. A big warehouse full of books. I spent quite a while
wandering through the isles looking for books. I found a cool
book on Tarot and there are much more, but I’ll wait until the
next time to invest more money. I got a couple of nice journals.

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Overall the trip went well. I went to a few record stores and
ended up buying a few CD’s from Rasputin Records.

Last night I dreamt about a few things; at one point I had

purchased another mask for diving and was asking someone if
they wanted to go out spear fishing. Looking at the left eyehole of
the same mask my friend had purchased, I noticed layers of red
translucent filters. I noticed that my identical mask didn’t come
with the same option. I’m not sure as to their purpose.

Later I was at the entrance to my Mom’s house and the

police were there to obtain Jimmy’s gun. We found it after they
first showed me a warrant. It was underneath a podium for
speaking next to the Glock 45. I showed it’s whereabouts, but
they kept on looking through stuff. I got very angry and hit them
away from a closet they were rummaging through. They then
ceased to conduct their search. The main cop seemed very
satisfied and somewhat gloated in front of his fellow cops, that it
had been a successful event for them. I was walking him to his car
and talking to him about the nature of the matter and why it was
necessary to have them take over control of the weapon.
Eventually, he said that it was illegal to have this weapon, which
at that time seemed to be a stainless steel knife. I told him this
wasn’t exactly an illegal item. He said out in public unshielded it
was. I told him he was the one who had made it that way. He
kind of laughed in self-righteous satisfaction for having burned
me.

I got pissed and started hitting him and maybe kicked him
in the head, got him on the ground and put him in a full nelson
and woke up. He was a big black cop.

Earlier I had found a nice Goldmine in Alaska and kept

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pulling up rather nice sized nuggets of gold, bigger and bigger they
got. Some old man I would them to. Some people were picking
up another girl to take on vacation in a half finished motorhome.
They were saying that they hoped Mandy Hill wasn’t coming
along.

09/30/1994

I just got back from playing some guitars, amps and effects
processors up at DJ’s. The GSP 2001 processor was pretty nifty.

Goldie stopped by on her way to Flagstaff today and

dropped off a couple of items for the yard sale. I gave her some
flow. I hung out with Sat and the Tank. I cleaned out his truck
today and started driving it around, it beats the hell out of my
unit. I picked up my amplifier from the repair shop. I cleaned the
motor on Sat’s truck a little bit. I took it by Torrey’s work. He said
it’s only worth about $4000. Still haven’t heard anything on mine.
Probably priced it too high.

I tried paging Jodi and Co. last night. I never heard

anything from anybody. I fell asleep. Squid probably going to end
up finishing our project tonight.

I dreamt about some movie’s Star’s brother dying in some

spot I had seen another person die previously. A photograph I
believe. On his knees as a train went by, in between the cars, the
shutter had clicked. (October 19)

I spent the day hanging around Alyssa. I went to pick up

her airline ticket, out in Tempe. I hung out at some chick’s
apartment and ate. We cruised by great guns and picked up a few
boxes of shells for our alleged camping trip now cancelled due to
an unexpected appearance from Kavon. I helped Sat with the

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yard sale, carrying stuff in and out throwing more stuff out.

I took a nap with Ali listening to Peter Gabriel. I did a

series of meditations on the Chakra and their relation to living
beings and interaction of relating energy as souls feel out
parameters. I woke up to feeling close to Ali; a touch instead of
withdrawals on the lower chakra level. I understood the simple
reasons of keeping such considerations on the purest form of
mundane.

I went to a party last night with Squid. I saw Michelle

Burns. She didn’t seem exactly too friendly; she robbed me for a
beer and split.

I ran into a friendly Ali to hang with. Weird vibe with

Squid. “I’m not going to say anything dude.” We spent the
evening playing records and talking. I crashed out around 6:00 in
time to get up at 9:30. I’m waiting to hear from Squid about going
out tonight. If not perhaps we’ll do something mellow and
relaxing.

I had a lot of Flashback to previous experience deja vu

phenomena. I’m going to call and reduce the price on my truck.
Try and get the thing gone before I leave. I have to sell the truck
and find a home for Moon. I finished collections and payoffs.
Hopefully I’ll be gone by Thursday at the latest, so I can be back in
time for the expo.

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CHAPTER 4: OCTOBER 1994

October 2nd, 1994

I went out with Ali last night after spending the day with
her. I took her out on some errands and to Mikes and then Troy’s.
Earlier in the day I helped Sat here and there, but mostly laid in
bed with Ali talking and what not. It’s kind of weird hanging out
and not wanting to look people in the eye and knowing that when
you do, they’re thinking what the fuck. A month ago when I got a
call from Ali, I pulled a card from the deck and it was interference.
The sexual euphoria that comes at certain stages was interesting.
Lying next to her feeling the energy between us. Analyzing it on

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the different chakra levels. She started by putting her hand over
my cock and slowly touching more in frequency. The message of
a strictly sexual interaction with no emotional implications was
very evident. I was playing with her pussy. How she likes it.
Leave the breast harnesses. “Fuck me from behind, I just want
some cock in my twat.”

Minder Binders, showed up to see Pollywog; Tiffany’s band

and then went off to Zuba on Mill and hung out in the back. Lots
of neo hippie chicks wearing kiddy barrettes in their hair doo. The
grateful dead Mumbo. Hung out with Squid and Kavon. I went to
a couple of lame parties and took Tiffany back here to the house.
Chilled out doing bong loads. Crashed out too. The sound of
those two whispering about the way he fucked me good and did
strange things. Gossip Gossip. Alley crawls in bed and then
Tiffany. Why don’t you just suck his cock? Alley went through
stages of ignoring me to slight attention and then withdrawals.
Once again Tiffany was reciprocating every little movement. After
a while Alley just threw her body around mine and started the
touch feely. I just play with her pussy, that’s all I want.

I finally get up and shower. She’s off and I’m out to

Tempe. I went with Squid to shooters world. Tried out Troy’s
9mm and rented a Sig P229 40. Pretty nice, both guns. The Sig
was harder to get used to, but very accurate once you got a feel
for it. Goldstein Should be back tonight. Hooray.

10/04/1994

I dreamt about Gomer Pyle and Sargent Carter about to

orchestrate some kind of diabolical terrorist plot. In a locker
room, they have a twenty two-caliber riffle. They shoot Gomer
through the head. I start picking off all the evil terrorists. Another

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dream earlier was about some entity. I would jump out of my bed
attacking it. Oh a spiritual realm I suppose. Almost a playful kind
of martial arts.

Later I was fighting on the rules of Star Trek. In a ship of

crew members who had gone to another galaxy and gained
technology no one yet had in the current suppressive star
government.

The two ships came together and the suppressive

government said bow down; no? then war. Desert planet. These
whip like tentacles coming out of the sand and then sucking up
ships. The small group was wining and taking out casualties of the
Authoritarian Controllers. Going through light tunnels that extend
as we reached the speed of light.

I just got off the phone with Goldie. I talked about her
camping trip, of shooting the shotgun. Of Jeff Cook. How he is in
Law School, of his memorization of creation phrases and thereby
impressing his/her mother. Correlation of his forceful manner.
Goldie’s reciprocation or subservient to being controlled by males.

I went to Yoga class yesterday after going to Hari

Simenon’s earlier. Got my adjustment $25, Yoga Class $5, Dinner
$6. No wonder going was hard to keep up with years ago. I was
really tight for money in those days.

I was thinking of going on a trip out of the country. I feel

longing to do something of consequence or dream. I’m feeling
that bored lull I was having before all the Ali interference.

10/05/1994

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I got up around 9:15. I dreamt about Squid getting raped

on his way home. I hadn’t giver him a ride home. I guess some
homo knocked him off his bike and drug him down the road a
ways until stopping to fuck him up the ass. I went around trying
to gather evidence to catch his assaulters, since as a result he was
ordered to go to Jail from his PO.

I remember going to Marty and Russ trying to get them to

assist me in my journey to get justice for Squid. This seemed to
bum them out. They didn’t seem to be interested in pursuing it,
nor did they seem happy. I had pissed off Marty and a whole
Martial Arts group, just for the burden of one.

I called the DMV and traced the license plate; I couldn’t

hear the last few bits of information. Street name, over and over,
I kept saying what? I was about to switch phones when Marty
wrote it down and was going to assist me on the query for the red
79 sedan to keep me from getting in trouble.

It occurred to me when waking up that the nature of the

whole scenario reflected directly on the thought I went to sleep
on. What to do about Squid? Thinking about how I have done so
many things to assist him while there seems to be very little I can
think of that he has done for me. I have been working through so
many things in an effort to get him past the BS, only to have
something like his bus getting ruined after all the work put forth
getting it. With his ability to get ahead a little. Would it seem to
be bad karma?

I realized from the drama that all the effort I was putting
forth in order to vindicate Squid was in vain. Everywhere I went I
just found more people who were unhappy about him. I went to
his home in order to auction his stuff off and I found many

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unhappy neighbors and cohabitants. Following a trail of people

who hadn’t experienced very good aspects of this person.

I started realizing that all your associates are important.

Either they are working for you uplifting you or against you
dragging you down. You expend all kinds of energy trying to help
someone and find yourself down in their shit before it’s all over.
It takes a very strong and stable hand to discern between those
who can and will benefit from help and those who can retain their
position without being drug down into the same mirth that
another dwells in.

Stacey showed up next-door and probably called Sat. I

have to check on the truck. I’m still not getting many calls on
mine. Make that 0.

I just talked to Jack. Squids like everything’s going fairly

well on the Ford. I’m getting fairly concerned about moving the
Dodge. Probably switch the tires around if I keep having to go
down on the price.

I called Goldie and it sounds like another parental trauma

taking place.

I went to Yoga class last night. It was pretty cool. Hari did
a gong meditation. At the end of the class I could see the aura of
Hari. I was supposed to get with him last night, but I already had
my appointment with Marty.

We talked about the Jimmy affair and checked out the

Glock 21. Apparently according to Judge Gottsfield I should return
the gun to the Police department and end the matter with the
gun.

I went out looking at guns and guitar today. I found the

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left handed H.K. to be the nicest feeling and shooting of all the
guns I looked at. I shot a tight pattern with ease. I noticed that
with the Sig I was having difficulty shooting tight patterns. I
should be able to pick it up tomorrow or the next day.

“Many a man has done a terrible thing just to get baby a

diamond right.”

I talked to Sat and Baba this evening. They’re anxious for

me to get back. They said they’re going to try and get a year lease
with the increase in rent that Stacey is proposing. I lowered my
truck price yet again the effort of trying to move the thing.

I talked to Jacks today. I said that so far things have only

come to about $100, which sounds good to me. Goldie came
along today; she just got back with some conditioner and a Janis
Joplin CD from the library.

10/06/1994

Moon just committed a potentially disastrous deed.

Stacey was on the property with Polly. Polly was then attacked by
Moon in spite of me yelling at Moon to come. Stacey came up to
me afterwards and asked me who all was staying at the house and
if the dogs were house trained and if Moon was staying there.
She said that if she was only going to charge $100 rent, all kinds of
dogs being on the premises was questionable in the light that they
would be tearing up the premises. I have a feeling Sat will get an
ear full concerning the whole matter. Not to mention John. At a
time when things seem to be on shaky ground with the landlord,
Moon couldn’t have picked a worse time to pull the shit she did.

I just got through talking to Sat and informed of the scene.

He didn’t sound to particularly happy. Yet wasn’t a dickhead

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either. I told him I’d be getting rid of Moon this evening. I also
discussed the truck issue. He said, if mine didn’t sell by the time
he needed the money, I’d have to put his in the paper for him.

I went to the dentist this morning and he said I had gum

disease. A $500 fix. My Mom said she’d cover half the cost of
that and 2 fillings. Goldie split for Seattle just a while ago. I
dreamt about the highway patrol driving down the freeway with a
bunch of motorcycle cops, they were morning the death of one of
their fellow officers. A few other dreams I can’t seem to
remember right now. I’ll check in later if I do.

Eric and I went to the HI Liter for some titties and beer. I
met some girl named Brandy. She looked maybe 20, but said she
was 36. I saw Marc Huff there doing his usual thing. I was
surprised his brother Paul wasn’t with him. Last night my truck
got tagged by the local gang barrio. I was relieved to find out I
could get my gun for about $80 less at the place on 7th Ave and
Camelback. They said I could pick it up tonight, but unfortunately
my sheet came back to hold for 5 days from now or sooner. At
which point they can give me the gun anyway. I picked up some
ammo anyway. I’m looking forward to being able to shoot the
thing.

10/07/1994

I went to Shooter’s World to get my money back on the

deposit for the Left Handed HK, the $80 savings was too hard to
pass up. Kat said she could up my approval and therefore tried to
get my paperwork through, but before it was all over my words
were, “Well, I guess fascism is alive and well in America. Ended up
getting a holster, ear plus and the review on my gun. I then came
back home and read through the review.

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It sounds as if Goldie’s parents are still harassing her on

the subject of “yours truly.” To hell with em, she’ll be in Canada
before the months out, enjoying a life free from them
manipulative control tactics of her parents. She said she wants
me to come up there and try and get me a job doing video
production via the 20,000 strong Croatian Network. E-gad. I’m
looking forward to the idea at any rate just for the simple fact that
the terrain and weather in Washington agrees with me.

Life here is somewhat boring. Just waiting for my truck to

sell and hoping for my gun to come through soon. I’ve
preoccupied my entire week with finding and then arguing the
freedom (actual spelling fine-ass of choice.) I’m not really going
to worry about it anymore. I’ll just wait until the eleventh and see
what happens. I wanted to go to Tucson this evening to visit Eric
Raunig at U of A, where he’s been studying everything from art to
mathematics, computer science and chemistry.

In addition I will also make an effort to see the now

infamous James Flanders, who in modern times managed to
become a preacher and ended up taking him a sister wife. She
was once a cop and now that they was getting it on and then
decided to have a baby and raise it with two mothers, as it were,
on the premises to assist with the day to day drudgery of house
work and taking car of the child. Thing was baby mama became
dissatisfied and tried in vein to convince James to ditch his
numero uno seniorita for this fine specimen of Christian ass. Hard
to imagine he’d go from radio station DJ to Calvary chapel
preacher, kicking out the Jams for all his successful congregation’s
attendees, only to find him in the fix he in. I guess she was bi
polar and had a fit where she started telling him, “don’t you want
to fuck me Daddy?” How personal and emotionally charged her

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intention was is something only her and James probably knew.

The outcome seems rather evident. The girl chocked out in a bear
hug, Flanders claims. 2nd degree plea bargain down to 7 years
with his agreement to provide the police with the location of her
body. Where was her body you may ask… Where else, in the
tomato garden in the back yard complete with an array of daises,
lilies, daffodils and tulips. These last few details only recently
coming to light as this book nears its publication date. James was
such a great friend and did some pretty amazing things for me
when I was going through family problems at the age of 16, so I
could have never guessed back when we were young that
something like this would ever occur in James’ life. He really
didn’t seem to have a bad bone in his constitution.

At any rate back to 1994. I wanted to maybe do some

shooting and pick up my trumpet from James’ parents house, next
door to my Grandparents house. However, as of yet, the truck
hasn’t sold and I have no gun. I just look at it as everything will
work out for the best. If my truck doesn’t sell in time, then Sat’s
truck sells and I get what I can out of mine. I suppose I could try
and find something less expensive to operate.

I guess I’m going to help Stacy move some stuff out of

storage tomorrow into the moving van. Boy, it would sure be nice
to be able to swap my vehicle for some cash and pick up my gun
while I’m at it. Maybe even make my way down to Tucson way
for a little R/R. I want to visit my Grandpa and such. What will be
will be. Eric should pay me off today and I’ll be able to make an
extra $150 or less on that last piece of work left.

It looks like this is turning into another journal that is

about to bite the dust, or rather gather it. And now for some
numerology.

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Christopher Lynn Byrd

3899126859 = 60, 3755 = 20, 2794 = 22 =122 = 3

3 30 1969 =2002 = 4

Numerology- I’d say the Tarot provides a more detailed

explanation of the above-mentioned nature of subject matter.
Squid called earlier and asked if I wanted to do something tonight.
I said as long as it didn’t involve drinking I might be up to such
indicated activity.

10/08/1994

I just got back from Sean’s house in Scottsdale. I spent the

better part of a day trying to get the Ford rims onto the Dodge,
with little avail. A couple of hours at the grinding method and yet
no results, left me with the idea of scrounging up a few more
Dodge rims in the attempt at switching things back to stock, yet
keeping my $700 investment in tact. Unfortunately, the rim
behind my old house was gone, as were the residents that I had
hooked up with the house I restored on 8th street. I guess those
two lesbians weren’t amendable to Lee’s idea of do it yourself
maintenance. Hell I lived in that house while yanking out carpet
and sanding and refinishing wood floors among countless other
projects required to make that house even livable. As I inspected
the property to see how its condition had changed since I moved
around the end of summer, I noticed that the glass brick window
that I had taken such pride in installing had been smashed out by
neighborhood vandals and the glass block window was in ruin.
Probably kids, as the culprits used rocks to do it. After some
investigation no leads were left as to what had happened in the
once nice abode that I had spent over a year restoring from utter
squalor.

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Sean’s new place in Scottsdale is pretty nice. He said he

would try and sell my truck for me. Sean, Goldie and I went and
saw the movie Clear and Present Danger with Harrison Ford.
Pretty swell flic I thought.

I got up this morning and gave Stacey a hand emptying some

of her stuff from the building next door. I was going to meet her
back, but didn’t hear back until I was no longer interested in
making it back in time.

It looks as if Eric will be assisting in vacating yet more

furniture from ye hold Humble House.

I drove down Pierce Street trying to find a trace of Richard

Rubio. Boy what a barrio that is. I thought this neighborhood was
bad. Ching Gow. That place reminded me of little Mexico.

10/09/1994

5:20 AM What a day and night. I tried to swap tires at hi

performance and they told me I was best off at a machine shop. I
gave Jeff $100 of the money I owed him from a long time ago. I
talked about gigs, sound and lighting. I guess he hangs out with
Shane now. It feels good to dissolve and free oneself from
carrying around animosity. He told me him and Sarah were
planning on getting married. I guess it figures, yet from what
vibes I get, I’d say they’d be good candidates for responsible non
monogamy. I then went out to Casey’s house and got a job offer
to Frame houses. I guess it be something. Yet the advice I receive
from Sat and Hari is to continue the trend of being an
entrepreneur. For such laborious activities are actually hard on
the soul.

Casey finished my Skateboard paint job with a flame job. It

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looks pretty cool and makes me want to skate. We talked at his

apartment for a while and then went over to a girls house he
wanted to meet. The girl wasn’t there, but I did run into A. Alisa,
Tony’s Hex X and B. Shelly…. Who apparently went through a
rehab and is now clean. She told me a little and I said I was glad
to see her alive, after having told me that her fate was uncertain.
She’s going to contact me and plan some time before I leave.

I came home and hung with Casey for a little bit and then
went over to get an adjustment from Hari and Don. I came out
feeling pretty good. They gave me the most intense adjustment
I’ve had so far. I’m planning on going in to the studio tomorrow
to help Hari and John film some shows. I first have to get the
truck squared away and made some preliminary steps to do so,
i.e., picking up Jack stands from my Uncle Jon.

I saw Becky who was celebrating her 38th birthday. I hung out
with Uncle Jon and Grandma Billy and ended up going over and
seeing my Dad. Can I believe that? Barely!!! He is the same, if
not worse. He said he didn’t fear or mind dying and I said I would
take out a life insurance policy on him, if he were gong to have
that attitude. …And when and if things ended his life, I would take
the money and give some to Grandpa and some more to have him
scattered over Canyon Creek. I love him and I’m sure I’ll miss him
deeply and cherish the good times we shared in this life together.
Maybe a change and a fresh start is something that would do him
some good. -

- Thank you for being my father. We shared some

good times. I am grateful we shared those moments.
You’re a honest and caring soul and I have somehow
managed to maintain a certain innocence in
environments rich in turmoil. I’ve had great

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difficulty accepting some of the changes in our lives

and sometimes wished that things could have been
different. Yet I know that life shows us the lessons
we need to learn. Perhaps I’ve gained a certain
inner stability from experiencing the constant
change in our rolls to each other. I know you care
immensely and have experienced a lot of the same
pain I have.
- Beyond all of our anguish, I’m your son and you are
my father. I appreciate you for who you are and can
hold no animosity for what life has given us.
Sometimes I wish we were closer, but know our
times were great and Love lasts forever.
- Thank you Dad, I’ll always Love you.

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