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THE BIG IDEAS When Things Fall Apart

Enountering Fear
Heart Advice for Difficult Times
And feeling lucky. BY PEMA CHÖDRÖN · SHAMBHALA PUBLICATIONS © 2000 · 160 PAGES

Leaning into Challenges

Rather than away from them.

Dying and Being Re-Born

Can’t have one without the other. “May it [this book] encourage you to settle down with your life and take these
teachings on honesty, kindness, and bravery to heart. If your life is chaotic and
Why We Meditate
To become more awake! stressful, there’s plenty of advice here for you. If you’re in transition, suffering
How Long Does It Take from loss, or just fundamentally restless, these teachings are tailor made. The main
Roughly: The rest of your life. :) point is that we all need to be reminded and encouraged to relax with whatever
The Beginning of Clarity arises and bring whatever we encounter to the path.”
Detecting negativity is a good thing.
~ Pema Chödrön from When Things Fall Apart
Our Motivation
It’s about serving our community. Pema Chödrön is a Buddhist teacher and prolific author with an incredibly strong, yet
compassionate and grounded perspective.
Including Others
Or have a meaningless journey.
Her books are densely packed with practical wisdom to help us deal with challenging times. We
Now Is the Only Time profiled some of her Big Ideas in our Note on another one of her awesome books, The Places
To create happiness.
That Scare You, and I’m excited to share some more here.

So, let’s jump in!

FEELING LUCKY TO ENCOUNTER FEAR

“It made me laugh to see
that, just as I had so
often said, making friends
“So the next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where the courage comes
in. Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with
fear. When I was first married, my husband said I was one of the bravest people he knew. When
I asked him why, he said because I was a complete coward but went ahead and did things
anyhow.”
A big part of this book is about embracing our fears and challenging times as opportunities for
growth rather than something we need to avoid at all costs.

with our own demons
and their accompanying
insecurity leads to a
very simple, understated
relaxation and joy.”
~ Pema Chödrön
As part of that, we’ve gotta remember that being brave *is not* about having no fear; it’s about
feeling the fear and then doing what needs to be done.
We talk about this theme a lot. It’s super important.
Pema’s story about her husband reminds me of the painter Georgia O’Keefe’s wisdom. She said:
“I’ve been afraid every single day of my life, but I’ve gone ahead and done it anyway.”
And Mark Twain puts it succinctly with this gem: “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of
fear—not absence of fear.”

So, let’s reorient ourselves to our fear. The next time we feel some fear, let’s welcome it as a gift
that’s showing us where we still have some work to do!! :)

LEANING INTO CHALLENGES

“Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners
or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like

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 disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of
being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding
back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away.
They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very
moment is the perfect teacher, and lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”

“When there’s a big Two Big Ideas I want to highlight here.

disappointment, we don’t First, there’s the Idea that we want to lean in to our discomfort rather than try to avoid it. As
know if that’s the end of spiritual warriors, we want to reorient ourselves to the discomfort and KNOW that it’s often
the story. It may be just during these challenging times that we learn the most.
the beginning of a great
In fact, many great teachers tell us that we absolutely NEED these challenging times if we want
adventure.”
to grow to our fullest potential. Let’s look at a few wisdom gems to really let the point sink in!
~ Pema Chödrön
First, Robert Emmon’s tells us this in his great book Thanks! (see Notes): “Not only does the
experience of tragedy give us an exceptional opportunity for growth, but some sort of suffering
is also necessary for a person to achieve maximal psychological growth. In his study of self-
actualizers, the paragons of mental wellness, the famed humanistic psychologist Abraham
Maslow noted that “the most important learning lessons... were tragedies, deaths, and
trauma... which forced change in the life-outlook of the person and consequently in everything
that he did.””

Jonathan Haidt gives us this wisdom in his great book The Happiness Hypothesis (see Notes):
“Adversity may be necessary for growth because it forces you to stop speeding along the road
of life, allowing you to notice the paths that were branching off all along, and to think about
where you really want to end up.”

And, Michael Singer translates that into action in The Untethered Soul (see Notes) where he tells
us: “Real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth.”

So, we want to KNOW that challenging times are agents for change. Then we want to embrace
them as such as we’re experiencing them. Easier said than done, of course, but that’s what it’s all
about.

That brings us to the second Big Idea here: The fact that, with this perspective, we’re never
lacking for opportunities to grow. :)

This very moment is the perfect teacher. And, as Pema tells us, lucky for us it’s always here.

So, if you’re feeling stressed right now, lean in to it. See what lesson is there for you to learn. And
celebrate the fact that you don’t need a book or sermon to learn when you’ve got life (aka the
ultimate teacher!) unfolding moment-to-moment! :)

DYING AND BEING RE-BORN

“Basically, disappointment, embarrassment, and all these places where we just cannot feel good
are a sort of death. We’ve just lost our ground completely; we are unable to hold it together and
feel that we’re on top of things. Rather than realizing that it takes death for there to be birth, we
just fight against the fear of death.”

Pema tells us that feeling disappointment, embarrassment and other suck ickiness is a sort of
death. Almost like we’re dying to the idea that our lives should be perfect.

But, again, we’ve gotta LEAN INTO those feelings and realize that, as she says, “it takes death
for there to be birth.” We’ve gotta move through one level of being to discover the next.

Reminds me of Joseph Campbell and Friederich Nietzsche.

In A Joseph Campbell Companion (see Notes), Campbell tells us: “If you want resurrection, you

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“When we become
more insightful and
compassionate about how
we ourselves get hooked,
we spontaneously feel more
tenderness for the human
race.”
~ Pema Chödrön
PhilosophersNotes | When Things Fall Apart
must have crucifixion.” And: “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to
have the life that is waiting for us.”
While in Thus Spoke Zarathustra (see Notes), Nietzsche tells us: “The snake that cannot shed its
skin perishes. So do the spirits who are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to
be spirit.”
Here’s to embracing the challenging times that give us a chance to be born to our next highest
version of ourselves! :)
WHY WE MEDITATE
“We don’t sit in meditation to become good meditators. We sit in meditation so that we’ll be
more awake in our lives.”
Love that.
Reminds me of Eknath Easwaran’s wisdom from his awesome (!) book on meditation called
Conquest of Mind (check out the Notes) where he tells us: “Meditation is warm-up exercise for
the mind, so that you can jog through the rest of the day without getting agitated or spraining
your patience.”
Too often we tend to focus on what we experience *during* our meditations. But that’s not the
point!!
Matthieu Ricard puts it this way in his great book Why Meditate? (see Notes): “Practitioners are
also advised not to place too much importance on various inner experiences that might arise
during meditation.”
So, rather than getting all geeked up about whatever transcendent experiences may occur as we
meditate, let’s remember that it’s all about consistently showing up for our meditation practice
so we can more consistently show up as loving individuals in the rest of our lives!!
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?
“This is something that evolves gradually, patiently, over time. How long does the process
take? I would say it takes the rest of our lives. Basically, we’re continually opening further,
learning more, connecting further with the depths of human suffering and human wisdom,
coming to know both those elements thoroughly and completely, and becoming more loving and
compassionate people. And the teachings continue. There’s always more to learn.”
How long does the process of really being present to every moment take?
Pema tells us roughly the rest of our lives. :)
So, let’s relax and remember the Buddha’s wisdom: “Little by little a person becomes evil, as a
water pot is filled by drops of water... Little by little a person becomes good, as a water pot is
filled by drops of water.”
Here’s to a lifetime of wisdom droplets, filling our water pots moment by moment by precious
moment. :)
THE BEGINNING OF CLARITY
“At the root of all the harm we cause is ignorance. Through meditation, that’s what we begin to
undo. If we see that we have no mindfulness, that we rarely refrain, that we have little well-
being, that is not confusion, that’s the beginning of clarity. As the moments of our lives go by,
our ability to be deaf, dumb, and blind just doesn’t work so well anymore. Rather than making us
more uptight, interestingly enough, this process liberates us. This is the liberation that naturally
3
 arises when we are completely here, without anxiety about imperfection.”
“Awakeness is found in our
pleasure and our pain, our This is another REALLY Big Idea we come back to frequently in these Notes.

confusion and our wisdom, In Spiritual Liberation (see Notes), Michael Beckwith puts it this way: “Not all pain is negative,
available in each moment of even though we label all forms of pain as such and resist them. Positive- negativity is a
our weird, unfathomable, circumstance that causes us to go deeper, to search ourselves, to stop placing blame on the
ordinary everyday lives.” causes of suffering outside ourselves, and take self-responsibility.

~ Pema Chödrön Circumstances arise and hard times come so that we may grow through them, so that we may
evolve. I like to say that a bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul. When we look back on
some of our most challenging experiences, we admit that we wouldn’t trade what we gained
from them for remaining the same as we were. Something within acknowledges that during
those times when we are pressed against the ropes of life, we learn to become more generous,
to forgive, to never give up on ourselves or others. We learn to regenerate, to rejuvenate, to
surrender.”

In The Power of Your Supermind (see Notes), Vernon Howard tells us: “Encourage yourself by
remembering that any detection of negativity within you is a positive act, not a negative one.
Awareness of your weakness and confusion makes you strong because conscious awareness
is the bright light that destroys the darkness of negativity. Honest self-observation dissolves
pains and pressures that formerly did their dreadful work in the darkness of unawareness.
This is so important that I urge you to memorize and reflect upon the following summary:
Detection of inner negativity is not a negative act, but a courageously positive act that makes
you a new person.”

Let’s remember that DETECTING negativity is a VERY good thing!

As Pema tells us, it’s the first step toward clarity.

In the Notes on A Complaint Free World, we go into detail on the process of change. Here’s
a quick overview: Before we begin to change a negative behavior, we are “Unconsciously
Incompetent” (where we aren’t even aware how off we are). From there, we move into being
“Consciously Incompetent” (where we can see what areas need work) to being “Consciously
Competent” (where we can get ourselves to do the right thing with effort) to being
“Unconsciously Competent” (where doing the right thing comes effortlessly).

To re-cap the formula: Unconsciously Incompetent —> Consciously Incompetent —>

“Trying to find absolute Consciously Competent —> Unconsciously Competent
rights and wrongs is a trick
So, in the beginning, we didn’t even *know* we were off! The first step where we simply become
we play on ourselves to feel
AWARE of our negative patterns is H.U.G.E.—which is why all the teachers celebrate that step in
secure and comfortable.”
the process!!
~ Pema Chödrön
We need to do the same. :)

OUR MOTIVATION FOR PRACTICING

“Our motivation for practicing begins to change, and we desire to become tamed and reasonable
for the sake of other people. We still want to see how mind works and how we get seduced by
samsara, but it’s not just for ourselves. It’s for our companions, our children, our bosses—it’s for
the whole human dilemma.”

Amen.

Here’s to dedicating our practice to more than just ourselves—to becoming more integrated
human beings to benefit our friends and family and co-workers and community and world!!

Here’s a little more on that:

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 A JOURNEY THAT INCLUDES OTHERS
“The word for loving- “Spiritual awakening is frequently described as a journey to the top of a mountain. We leave our
attachments and our worldliness behind and slowly make our way to the top. At the peak we
kindness in Sanskrit is
have transcended all pain. The only problem with this metaphor is that we leave all the others
maitri. Maitri is also
behind—our drunken brother, our schizophrenic sister, our tormented animals and friends.
translated as unconditional
Their suffering continues, unrelieved by our personal escape.
friendliness.”
In the process of discovering bodhichitta, the journey goes down, not up. It’s as if the mountain
~ Pema Chödrön
pointed toward the center of the earth instead of reaching into the sky. Instead of transcending
the suffering of all creatures, we move toward the turbulence and doubt. We jump into it. We
slide into it. We tiptoe into it. We move toward it however we can. We explore the reality and
unpredictably of insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away. If it takes years, if it takes
lifetimes, we let it be as it is. At our own pace, without speed or aggression, we move down and
down and down. With us move millions of others, our companions in awakening from fear. At
the bottom we discover water, the healing water of bodhichitta. Right down there in the thick of
things, we discover the love that will not die.”

The spiritual journey isn’t about personal escape.

It’s about becoming more and more fully alive and plugged in to the Highest within ourselves
so that we can most fully give ourselves to our community as we shine with a joyous, radiant
enthusiasm.

Same thing with the hero’s journey.

It’s easy to get all enamored by the part where we leave our communities behind and enter the
forest of the unknown at the darkest point as we battle metaphorical demons in pursuit of inner
treasures.

But, we’ve gotta remember that that’s only part of the process!

The real challenge—and the most important part of the hero’s journey—begins when we bring
what we’ve discovered BACK into the world.

As Joseph Campbell tells us, we’ve gotta bring the boon back!

In Pathways to Bliss (see Notes), he advises us: “The whole idea is that you’ve got to bring out
again that which you went to recover, the unrealized, unutilized potential in yourself. The
whole point of this journey is the reintroduction of this potential into the world; that is to say,
to you living in the world. You are to bring this treasure of understanding back and integrate
it in a rational life. It goes without saying, this is very difficult. Bringing the boon back can be
even more difficult than going down into your own depths in the first place.”

So, let’s remember that our spiritual practices aren’t about providing personal escapes. They’re
about becoming the type of people capable of truly serving our families and communities.

P.S. Of course, meditation and quiet time for reflection is important. But, with Pema and
Campbell’s wisdom in mind, let’s remember that we don’t need to go to a cave in the Himalayas
to practice our spirituality. Changing the diapers joyfully/driving the kids to soccer practice
joyfully/finishing the project at work joyfully/etc. are way more powerful practices. :)

NOW IS THE ONLY TIME

“Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future. In other words, if we’re going to
be more cheerful in the future, it’s because of our aspiration and exertion to be cheerful in the
present. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do now.

When we find ourselves in a mess, we don’t have to feel guilty about it. Instead, we could reflect

PhilosophersNotes | When Things Fall Apart 5


“Now is the time. If
there’s any possibility for
enlightenment, it’s right
now, not at some time in
the future. Now is the
time.”
~ Pema Chödrön
If you liked this Note,
you’ll probably like…
The Places That Scare You
The Dhammapada
The Way of the
Bodhisattva
Conquest of Mind
Why Meditate?
6 PhilosophersNotes | When Things Fall Apart
on the fact that how we relate to this mess will be sowing the seeds of how we will relate to
whatever happens next. We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves strong. The
amount of effort is the same. Right now we are creating our state of mind for tomorrow, not to
mention this afternoon, next week, next year, and all the years of our lives.”
How beautiful is that?!?
NOW IS THE ONLY TIME!!
If we want to influence our tomorrows, we’ve gotta BE THE CHANGE we want to see NOW!! Not
later today or after we get over our cold or get out of debt. NOW.
So, quick question: How would you like to feel?
Presumably, you’d like to feel happy, eh?
Well, I say we follow Michael Singer’s brilliant wisdom in The Untethered Soul (see Notes)
where he tells us that unconditional happiness is the highest technique there is. He says: “If you
decide that you’re going to be happy from now on for the rest of your life, you will not only be
happy, you will be enlightened. Unconditional happiness is the highest technique there is. You
don’t have to learn Sanskrit or read any scriptures. You don’t have to renounce the world. You
just have to really mean it when you say that you choose to be happy. And you have to mean it
regardless of what happens. This is truly a spiritual path, and it is as direct and sure a path to
Awakening as could possibly exist.”
Let’s remember that now is the time to create our future nows as we practice the fine art of
unconditional happiness!! :)
Brian Johnson,
Chief Philosopher
About the Author of “When Things Fall Apart”
PEMA CHÖDRÖN
Pema Chödrön (formerly known as Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an ordained
Buddhist nun in the Tibetan Vajrayana tradition, and a teacher in the lineage of
Chögyam Trungpa. The goal of her work is the ability to apply Buddhist teachings
in everyday life. A prolific author, she has conducted workshops, seminars, and
meditation retreats in Europe, Australia, and throughout North America. She is
resident teacher of Gampo Abbey, a monastery in rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia,
Canada.
About the Author of This Note
BRIAN JOHNSON
Brian Johnson is a lover of wisdom (aka a “Philosopher”) and a passionate
student of life who’s committed to inspiring and empowering millions of people
to live their greatest lives as he studies, embodies and shares the universal truths
of optimal living. He harts his job.