Coming in

Journal of Homosexuality
ISSN: 0091-8369 (Print) 1540-3602 (Online) Journal homepage: https://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjhm20
Coming In: Queer Narratives of Sexual Self-

Discovery
Shoshana Rosenberg
To cite this article: Shoshana Rosenberg (2018) Coming In: Queer Narratives of Sexual Self-
Discovery, Journal of Homosexuality, 65:13, 1788-1816, DOI: 10.1080/00918369.2017.1390811
To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2017.1390811
Published online: 02 Nov 2017.
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JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
2018, VOL. 65, NO. 13, 1788–1816
https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2017.1390811
Coming In: Queer Narratives of Sexual Self-Discovery

Shoshana Rosenberg, GD-SXLG
Department of Sexology, School of Public Health, Curtin University, Perth, Western Australia, Australia
ABSTRACT KEYWORDS
Many models of queer sexuality continue to depict a linear narra- Queer; hermeneutics;
tive of sexual development, beginning in repression/concealment sexuality; LGBT; coming in
and eventuating in coming out. The present study sought to
challenge this by engaging in a hermeneutically informed thematic
analysis of interviews with eight queer people living in Western
Australia. Four themes were identified: “searching for identity,”
“society, stigma, and self,” “sexual self-discovery,” and “coming
in.” Interviewees discussed internalized homophobia and its impact
on their life; experiences and implications of finding a community
and achieving a sense of belonging; the concept of sexual self-
discovery being a lifelong process; and sexuality as fluid, dynamic,
and situational rather than static. The article concludes by suggest-
ing that the idea of “coming in”—arriving at a place of acceptance
of one’s sexuality, regardless of its fluidity or how it is viewed by
society—offers considerable analytic leverage for understanding
the journeys of sexual self-discovery of queer-identified people.
The study reported in this article explores the sexual self-discovery journeys of
young, LGBT+/queer people (heretofore referred to as queer1 people).Although
there has been an increased public understanding of queer sexuality, many of
these narratives are constrained by “homonormativity” (Brown, Browne, & Lim,
2007, p. 12), a lens that delineates queer sexual relationships as distinguishable
from heterosexual ones only by the genders of the people involved. Logic such as
this homogenizes several significant aspects of queer people’s lives. One process
that has been rigidly constrained by homonormativity is the notion of “coming
out,” which has been ascribed a linear, stage-based progression from sexual
repression to liberation and self-acceptance (Cass, 1979; Eliason, 1996).
However, more contemporary explorations of young, queer people’s coming-
out experiences have yielded far deeper understandings of the complexity and
fluidity of the navigation of queer sexuality and sexual experiences with others
(Klein, Holtby, Cook, & Travers, 2015; Mitchell, 2015).
This article explores a significant facet of this nuanced perspective on queer
sexual discovery and acceptance: the internal journey each young person
undertakes, which for many supersedes social disclosure in both importance
and impact on their understanding of themselves (Guittar, 2013). The author
CONTACT Shoshana Rosenberg shoshana.k.rosenberg@gmail.com Department of Sexology, School of

Public Health, Curtin University, GPO Box U1987, Perth, Western Australia 6845, Australia.
© 2018 Taylor & Francis
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY 1789
has termed this process coming in, challenging coming out’s focus on social
visibility and disclosure as the only viable means for queer people to achieve
sexual self-acceptance. After first reviewing previous literature on queer sexu-
ality and its theorization, a thematic analysis of in-depth interviews with eight
young, queer-identified Western Australian people regarding their sexual self-
discovery journey is presented. Though this sample size is relatively small, it
fits within Walker’s (2012) guidelines for achieving thematic saturation, and
this is addressed further in the article’s Methods section. The research pre-
sented here suggests that coming in forms a key aspect of sexual self-discovery
journeys of many young, queer people, and that overlooking this highly
nuanced and individual part of sexual development may erase a significant
aspect of queer people’s lives more broadly.
Literature review
Since the middle of the last century, psychological researchers have
attempted to describe the development of queer sexual identities. The first
approach to this involves a categorical perspective that employs scales such as
the Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale (Kinsey, Pomeroy, &
Martin, 1948). This scale rates individuals on a 0–6 scale from purely
heterosexual to purely homosexual. The second is a developmental stage
model approach, such as Cass’s (1979), wherein individuals go through six
developmental stages: (1) identity confusion; (2) identity comparison; (3)
identity tolerance; (4) identity acceptance; (5) identity pride; and (6) identity
synthesis. Van De Meerendonka and Probst (2004) constructed a model that
posited all queer sexuality that has not been disclosed as ultimately being
unintegrated from the rest of a person’s identity.
There are also biological models, which hypothesize homosexuality devel-
oped from bonding and pecking-order rank-climbing (Adriaens & De Block,
2006), or that it stems from genetic gender nonconformity and reduced levels
of aggression (Bem, 2000). While there may be some merit to these
approaches, they have increasingly been seen as essentialist, in attributing a
fixed truth to queer(ed) sexual identities. The biologically deterministic
approach is particularly problematic in this regard. The understanding that
individuals’ sexuality is purely biological polarizes opinions on homosexu-
ality (Boysen & Vogel, 2007) and makes invisible those individuals who fall
between homosexual and heterosexual categories (Weber, 2012). This per-
ceived ambiguity can lead to “othering” of those who identify outside the
homo/hetero binary (Barker et al., 2012, p. 385), as well as transgender and
gender-nonconforming individuals (Lucal, 1999), even in comparison to that
experienced by gay and lesbian people (Casey, 2007; Garelick et al., 2017).
Further, essentialist research implies that social disclosure (coming out) is
a vital part of queer sexual identity formation, treating this event as an all-or-
1790 S. ROSENBERG
none mechanism where the individual is either in the closet (and therefore
repressed) or out of the closet (and therefore has fully substantiated their
identity; Carrion & Lock, 1997). The former aspect in particular has been
significantly pathologized and linked to lower psychological wellbeing (Dew,
Myers, & Wightman, 2006). However, Kosciw, Palmer, and Kull (2015)
highlighted that any psychological benefits attached to being out of the closet
are mitigated, often heavily, by the environment a person comes out in. In
particular, they suggest that with greater visibility comes a greater likelihood
of victimization, which in turn reduces any benefits the individual may have
had from their coming out.
As an additional difficulty, transgender people are required to negotiate not
only their sexuality but also how it intersects with their gender, and how these
are then viewed by broader society (Stieglitz, 2010). Wilson (2002) suggested
that any “ambiguous” or “liminal” phases in a transgender person’s life are
often viewed by society as transitory on a person’s path from visibly living as
one binary gender to the other. This perspective castigates those who do not fit
into easily understood gender categories or who defy expected gender norms
based on sex assigned at birth (Dentice & Dietert, 2015; Gilden, 2008; Lewis,
2008). It also homogenizes the social narrative of transgender people’s experi-
ences, which are ultimately highly varied and heterogeneous (Chang & Chung,
2015). In turn, this homogenous narrative is assimilated into the broader
coming-out narrative applied to all queer people, rather than providing
space to engage with the specificity of transgender people’s experiences of
self-discovery and social disclosure, and how these differ from those of sexually
diverse cisgender people (Zimman, 2009). This lens also fails to engage with
the ways transgender people continue to be excluded from queer spaces (Nash
& Bain, 2007; Stone, 2009, 2013; Weiss, 2003). Ultimately, Galupo, Bauerband,
Gonzalez, Hagen, Hether, and Krum (2014) made similar conclusions to
Kosciw et al.’s (2015) research on sexuality self-disclosure; for transgender
people, disclosing their gender status was not the endpoint of conflict, and it
often directly resulted in confrontation, ostracization, or physical violence. In
sum, while essentialist models of sexuality or gender do fit with some people’s
experiences and have been shown to be effective in some clinical settings
(Eliason, 1996; Halpin & Allen, 2004), they also risk marginalizing some
queer people or failing to adequately represent their experiences (Aglipay,
2014). One alternative to biological essentialism is a social constructionist
perspective of sexuality (Eliason, 1996).
The social constructionist perspective argues that sexual development
negates a finite, linear progression, is often without an endpoint, and is
continually influenced by individuals’ social surroundings and life events
(Mosher, 2001). Using a framework that acknowledges this fluidity can
therefore allow individuals and broader society to accept a diverse range of
human sexualities (Horowitz & Newcomb, 2002). Lim (2007) has suggested
not only that is this plasticity and flexibility helpful in the realm of queer
sexuality, but also that those who identify as heterosexual may benefit just as
much by embracing this approach. After all, the perception of queer sexuality
as the only one that necessitates negotiation forms an assumption that
heterosexuals never navigate a phase of sexual identity formation, and there-
fore never have to “out” themselves (Allen, 2011; Striepe & Tolman, 2003).
Moving beyond theories of queer sexualities, there is now a significant and
interdisciplinary body of research summarizing queer experiences collectively
(Law, Mathai, Veinot, Webster, & Mylopoulos, 2015; Lemoire & Chen, 2005;
Valocchi, 2005). Key to this literature is a well-established connection
between queer sexuality and mental health issues (Meyer, 2003), starting in
adolescence (Almeida, Johnson, Corliss, Molnar, & Azrael, 2009) and moving
through to late adulthood (Hash & Rogers, 2013). These mental health issues
have been attributed to internalized, social, and structural stigmatization and
discrimination (Bedard & Marks, 2010; Hatzenbuehler, 2014; Hatzenbuehler
et al., 2014). At the core of this stigma lies the concept of heteronormativity,
wherein heterosexuality and its adjacent norms are considered the homo-
genous default mode of human existence (Ludwig, 2016).
Often, these micro and macro stigmatization factors manifest in queer
people experiencing verbal or physical harassment and victimization due to
being publicly out or visibly gender nonconforming, as well as a lack of
family support or contact with the queer community (Craig, Dentato, &
Iacovino, 2015; Johnston, 2008; Monk, 2011; Nadal, Whitman, Davis,
Erazo, & Davidoff, 2016; Shelton & Delgado-Romero, 2011; Testa et al.,
2012; Woodford, Han, Craig, Lim, & Matney, 2014; Wyss, 2004). This in
turn increases the likelihood of queer people—in particular, youth—experi-
encing loneliness, isolation, and depression (Cochran, Sullivan, & Mays,
2006; Curran, 2002; Hall, n.d.; Murray, 2011). It also increases the likelihood
of queer people internalizing the stigma and experiencing shame about their
sexuality and, in turn, repressing their own sexuality (Chard, Finneran,
Sullivan, & Stephenson, 2015; Halperin & Traub, 2009; McLaren, 2016;
Meyer, 2003; Warner, 2000; Williamson, 2000). These factors combine to
create a significantly increased risk of suicidal ideation, suicide attempts or
completion, and self-harm in young, queer populations globally, particularly
among trans people (Boza & Perry, 2014; Hyde et al., 2014; Lasgaard,
Goossens, & Elklit, 2011; Marshal et al., 2011; McDermott, Roen, & Piela,
2013; Mustanski & Liu, 2012; Peter & Taylor, 2014; Rosenstreich, 2013).
Having reviewed some of the factors which negatively impact queer
people, it is crucial to consider how these factors can be countered.
Communities can have a positive impact on queer people, enhancing com-
fort, support, and self-esteem (Battle & Harris, 2013; McCallum & McLaren,
2010; Munt, Bassett, & O’Riordan, 2002; Romijnders et al., 2017). More
pertinent to the current study, however, are intrapersonal protective factors.
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At an individual level, Mohr and Fassinger (2003) found that queer people
who received negative parental responses to their sexuality were significantly
more likely to develop avoidant attachment styles, anxiety, and a low level of
self-acceptance. However, several studies concluded that the potential nega-
tive health outcomes described by Mohr and Fassinger, as well as by their
own participants, are significantly mitigated by a person’s proactive acts of
self-compassion, self-acceptance, and personal mastery, openness to new
experiences, as well as their negotiation of alternative support networks
(Greene & Britton, 2015; Wilson, Zeng, & Blackburn, 2011; Zoeterman &
Wright, 2014). Beyond countering parental and societal rejection, self-com-
prehension and self-acceptance have been shown to be crucial factors that
positively impact the emotional wellbeing and social adjustment of queer
people in general (Boccone, 2016; Isay, 2010; Stitt, 2014). Carry (2010) and
Riggle, Whitman, Olson, Rostosky, and Strong (2008) found that individuals
who have embraced their queer sexual identity have found many positives in
their lives, such as experiencing more egalitarian and personalized relation-
ships, having greater insight into their inner selves, and developing a strong
sense of resilience and survivability.
Throughout this identity formation and negotiation, sexual self-discovery
plays a significant role (Goldey, Posh, Bell, & Van Anders, 2016; Iasenza,
2010). Van Anders (2015) suggested that, regardless of sexual identity, sexual
self-discovery is highly individualized, and it is influenced not only by a
person’s gender and the gender of their partner(s), but also by the behaviors,
roles, and fantasies involved. These experiences of sexual self-discovery are
often fluid and subject to change; Katz-Wise, Reisner, Hughto and Keo-
Meier’s (2016) and Rowniak and Chesla’s (2013) research with gender-
diverse people highlighted that many of them experienced sometimes radical
shifts in sexuality the further they went into their transition. Russell, Clarke,
and Clary (2009) had similar findings with a group of young queer people,
many of whom considered their sexuality to be fluid or subject to change and
contingent on processes of experimentation and self-discovery.
As this brief summary of previous literature would suggest, experiences of
sexual self-acceptance are significant touchstones in queer people’s self-dis-
covery journeys; however, the relationship between events and individuals is
neither static nor one-directional. With this in mind, a qualitative research
approach was taken in this study to more deeply explore these interactions.
Theoretical framework
Queer hermeneutics
According to Rice and Ezzy (1999), contemporary qualitative hermeneutic
research takes into account every factor of a person’s life, such as their
geographical location, socioeconomic status, and health, both past and present.
In considering how these factors interact and the individual’s schemas and
responses to these factors, we can begin to comprehend their identity, history,
and potential future trajectory. Alongside this perspective on considering the
whole person, this study utilized Gadamer’s (1982) hermeneutic methodologi-
cal lens, wherein individual human experiences are not viewed in isolation but
are intrinsically linked to how their narrative is interpreted by others, thereby
forming a greater whole that shapes both the experience and how it is
documented and understood. These viewpoints informed the approach taken
in both the interview process and the subsequent analysis (detailed below).
Queerness as a methodological and theoretical tool forms a significant
aspect of this particular study and the researcher’s work more generally:
“Queer being/believing/doing/desiring are worthy processes that can make
a difference to communities, both Queer and non-Queer” (Grace, Hill,
Johnson, & Lewis, 2004, p. 314). As such, Hall’s (2009) description of a
queer(ed) hermeneutics, particularly the notion that sexuality is a “story we
tell ourselves about ourselves” (p. 1), provides additional nuance to the study.
By framing sexuality as a text, Hall positioned the sex researcher as an active
participant in the hermeneutic process. This situates Heidegger’s (2010)
description of the hermeneutic circle as an essential aspect of existence in a
context wherein this relationship is openly considered; by engaging with a
text, we are both transformative and transformed. In turn, the researcher
becomes inescapably subjective and fundamentally linked to how the text of
an interviewee’s sexual narrative is ultimately described.
Insider-outsider
With this consideration of the researcher’s active role in mind, it is important
to note that they are queer and transgender, thereby positioning this study as
insider-outsider research. Dwyer and Buckle (2009) described this position as
the “space between,” with the researcher neither fully in line nor completely
divorced from participants’ experiences. Although the researcher may count
as an insider due to their sexuality and gender, they are incapable of fully
empathizing with every experience each interviewee has; ultimately, there
always remains a sense of otherness to these interactions (Wilkinson &
Kitzinger, 1996). Additionally, as Kelly (2014) noted, the notion of an
insider-outsider binary is problematic. It essentializes categories of identity
that are ultimately only one aspect of a greater whole person who often
shares many commonalities with so-called outsiders.
There are potential risks involved in conducting research within a community
as a community member, including the increased chances of insider blindness,
crossing of professional boundaries, and missing of significant data due to the
assumption of the researcher’s prior knowledge (Hewitt-Taylor, 2002). However,
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these issues can be addressed through reflexive practices such as checking in with
other researchers, journaling, openly addressing one’s identity and considering
how it positions them in contrast to the other person, and consulting intervie-
wees and other community members on best practices (Eliason, 2016;
Liamputtong, 2007; Pollack & Eldridge, 2016). Ultimately, familiarity, empathy,
and intimacy between researchers and interviewees can bridge gaps, build rap-
port, ease the recruitment process, and facilitate interactions that yield deeper
knowledge and more positive experiences for both researchers and interviewees
(Gair, 2011; Taylor, 2011; Wilkinson,& Kitzinger, 2013; Wilson, 2008).
Method
Interviewees
The interviewees in this study were eight Western Australian young adults aged
20–30 (M = 24.9): three identifying as gay, two as queer, and three as bisexual.
As for gender, three identified as men, three as women, one as nonbinary
transgender, and one as gender questioning. All had pursued university educa-
tion, and six had graduated. Interviewees’ occupations varied widely, from sound
engineer to bartender to artist (Table 1). Although the interviewee pool was
relatively small, it falls in line with Walker’s (2012) guidelines, focusing on rich
data as opposed to attempting to settle on a measurable saturation level. This
study used an in-depth interview as well as a post-interview debrief to check in
on the participant and to ensure that they felt that they had stated all they had
wanted to during the interview itself. Some interviewees had further comments,
and these were recorded in the researcher’s journal and used as part of the
analysis process. As such, a richness of data was achieved through interviewing
participants more than once (Morse, 2000). Beyond the debriefs offered on the
data, interviewees were offered a secondary check-in (described below), wherein
they provided additional data and edits to their statements.
Procedure
The research procedure received ethical approval by the School of
Psychology and Social Science Ethics Sub-Committee. All interviewees were
Table 1. Interviewee demographics.

Name Age Occupation Sexuality Gender
Jacqui 25 Artist Gay Woman
Kyle 29 Customer Service Gay Man
Michaela 29 Bartender Bisexual Woman
Beth 22 Student, Bartender, Photographer’s Assistant Queer Woman
Dan 20 Bar Worker Bisexual Gender-questioning
Eva 30 Sound Engineer Bisexual Woman
Jessie 21 Market Worker, Student Gay Man
Alex 23 Retail Salesperson Queer Non-binary
recruited from the researcher’s social networks (friends or university class-

mates), seven through conversations with the researcher and one through
snowballing by one of another interviewee. Once the research ethics were
approved, the researcher contacted each interviewee and asked if they would
like to participate. If an interviewee agreed, they were e-mailed a copy of the
information letter and consent form, which informed interviewees that they
may withdraw at any time, that a pseudonym would be provided in any
publication, and that interviews would be recorded. The researcher then
made a time to meet with each interviewee and agreed on a location that
was comfortable, confidential, and convenient. Four interviewees were inter-
viewed in their own homes, two at the researcher’s home, one on university
grounds, and one at the state library.
When meeting each interviewee, the researcher talked to them briefly before
starting the recording, and asked if there was anything they would like to clarify
prior to starting the official interview. Once the researcher began recording, a
structured interview schedule was followed (see Appendix for details). Once the
interview was over and was no longer being recorded, interviewees were invited
to discuss their thoughts and feelings about the interview. This provided the
researcher with feedback to improve the following interviews, as well as allowing
interviewees a chance to debrief. A week after the interview, the researcher
contacted interviewees again and offered an additional debriefing if one was
necessary. The researcher also provided interviewees with a list of contact
numbers in case they were experiencing any potential or ongoing emotional
difficulties. These numbers were for Living Proud (previously Gay and Lesbian
Community Services), Crisis Care, LifeLine, Mensline, and Reach Out. Upon
completion of the interviews, they were transcribed verbatim for the purposes of
analysis, and pseudonyms were assigned.
Analytic approach
The researcher used an inductive thematic analysis as described by Braun
and Clarke (2006, 2013). They searched for patterns in participant responses
during and following the transcription process and assembled them into
cohesive codes, providing rich and detailed descriptions of any phenomena
the group experienced under each section. This included memoing through-
out the process, recording immediate insights and thereby providing a pre-
liminary array of potential themes, as well as using memos as complementary
or contrasting insights that enriched the themes included in the final analysis
(Finfgeld-Connett, 2014; Ganapathy, 2016). Emerging themes and statements
from participants formed the subsequent titles for each section and informed
the flow of describing the experience of sexual self-discovery (Braun &
Clarke, 2006). Additionally, Clarke’s (1999) hermeneutic decision trail
method guided the way these codes were reviewed and edited. Themes and
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clusters shifted, expanded, or disappeared as new information arrived,

whether in the form of new interviews or further insight produced by the
researcher’s reflexive journaling. The researcher kept a consistent journal,
with entries made after every interview as well as at various points during the
thematic analysis. These entries were considered additional data and con-
tributed to the final form of each theme. Once the study’s main themes had
been identified, the researcher then sought out the appropriate theoretical
framing for the content (Liamputtong, 2013).
Limitations
Before moving on to the findings, it is important to note the limitations of the
study. First, the age range of the interviewees was very restricted, with none
being over 30 years of age. Additionally, the majority of interviewees had at
least attempted, if not completed, a higher education degree. Finally, although
the interviewees recruited were all Western Australia residents, none were
Aboriginal, Torres Strait Islander, or migrants, and to the best of the research-
er’s knowledge all were of White European descent. This in turn means that
older queer people, those with lower official education levels, and any queer
people from non-White migrant or Indigenous backgrounds were not included.
Findings
Four themes were identified from the interviews. These were “searching for
identity,” “society, stigma, and self,” “self-discovery,” and “coming in.” Each of
these themes has been paired with a direct quote from one of the interviewees.
It is important to note that there is no linearity implied in the order of these
themes, although they may seem to have been placed in a chronological order.
“Things solidified”: Searching for identity

Five interviewees specifically discussed the age they began to experience
queer desires. These ranged from Beth’s experience: “When I was [. . .] 11
[. . .] things [. . .] solidified,” to Alex’s: “I only started having sexual feelings
when I was 15.” All other interviewees’ experiences fell somewhere within the
11–15 age range. As these desires developed, each person began to experience
specific attractions. For three interviewees, these desires came as flashes of
insight:
When I was maybe 13 or 14 I remember seeing a person walking down at the
shops and I [thought] “oh that guy’s hot” and they turned around and it was a girl!
I [thought] “oh hello! Well then, ok.” (Eva)
Others experienced a more sublimated process:

I definitely didn’t like super-super-macho dudes, I always preferred people that
were very androgynous, that fit the “not quite normal.” (Michaela)
As interviewees became more aware of their sexual desires, they began to

form some ideas about their sexuality, and what it meant. Some interviewees
were relatively unfazed by their desires:
I never had a really difficult time within myself about it, I always [. . .] believed that
everyone is [. . .] a bit queer anyway. (Michaela)
This understanding potentially reflects an early spark of what for some would
later become a concretized sense of self-acceptance, perceiving sexual diversity
as natural rather than stigmatizing it (Greene & Britton, 2015). However, other
interviewees expressed feeling an immediate impulse to hide their sexuality:
I don’t think I particularly viewed it as abnormal in any way, [but] [. . .] I felt it was
something that had to be hidden, that I couldn’t tell people about. [. . .] I don’t think I
felt bad about it within myself, like the way I was feeling was wrong, [but] I felt like I
really shouldn’t communicate the way I was feeling to other people. (Dan)
Three interviewees’ early views of their attractions were distinctly negative:

[There were] things that I [. . .] had [no] [. . .] control over, [. . .] like waking up and
going ‘oh my god I just had a dream where I was [. . .] making out with my friend’
you know? [. . .] And [. . .] just [. . .] trying to reconcile that, [. . .] but knowing that
it was a thing that [. . .] wasn’t normal, and that I didn’t [. . .] want to have
happening because I had experiences where evidently it was not an ok thing. (Beth)
Jacqui found the idea of her sexuality to be “very terrifying” and viewed her
future as “difficult and awful.” Referring to the idea of a happy gay life, she said it
“was a thing that I didn’t think was possible [. . .] when I was a teenager, I [. . .]
thought I would probably, definitely, rather kill myself.” Four interviewees
engaged in avoidance due to these negative feelings, choosing to instead repress
their feelings. Alex said “[I] just put them on hold for a long time, [. . .] I didn’t
really interact with anybody [. . .] else until university.” Others had more of an
active role in suppressing their feelings. Jacqui described her early interactions
with her sexuality as “I just kept stamping on it.” She went on to say:
I’ve been seeing a psychologist regularly for [. . .] five years and it took me [. . .]
over a year to even start talking to her about this, which it turns out was probably a
major cause of a lot of anxiety and depression and [. . .] internal anger. (Jacqui)
Jacqui attributed this suppression to a number of factors. First, the dichot-

omizing nature of assuming a queer label:
The very [. . .] “othering” nature of [. . .] identifying as gay and immediately putting
[. . .] yourself against the norm, I didn’t feel like that was something I could deal
with. (Jacqui)
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Second, social stigma:

I didn’t feel like any of the words around being gay talked about me, and I [. . .] felt
like they’re all negative words, I mean even “gay,” “lesbian,” I didn’t want to be
associated with that. (Jacqui)
But perhaps most importantly, she rounded off her reasoning by saying “it
was obviously just a lot of internalized homophobia.”
Suppression and resistance had played a critical role in many interviewees’
experiences, detracting individuals from engaging with their sexuality for
considerable lengths of time, sometimes as long as “8 or 9 years” (Jacqui).
Before interviewees had even begun contemplating their sexuality, the frame-
works of heteronormativity had been put in place as strict guidelines for
existing (Ludwig, 2016). This in turn shaped even their early or initial
interactions with queerness, transforming their natural attractions into some-
thing shameful, abnormal, and therefore worthy of concealment or avoidance
(Halperin & Traub, 2009; Warner, 2000). These early negative feelings
resonate with much of the research surrounding queer sexuality, shame,
and negative mental health (Cochran et al., 2006; Curran, 2002; Hall, n.d.;
Lasgaard et al., 2011; McDermott et al., 2013; Meyer, 2003; Murray, 2011;
Rosenstreich, 2013).
“It wasn’t something you communicated”: Society, stigma, and self

In this theme interviewees discussed some of the external and stigmatizing
messages they were exposed to about homosexuality and queerness. Here,
the relationships between social stigma, an inner processing of this stigma,
and other interplaying factors in the interviewees’ lives directly and sig-
nificantly impacted how they first navigated their sexuality. The effect of
negative external messages on queer individuals has been shown to be a
health risk indicator, particularly a psychiatric one (Hatzenbuehler, 2014;
Hatzenbuehler et al., 2014). This coincides with the effect of more blatant
homophobic statements on individuals’ mental health. As Jacqui said,
“there are still [. . .] shitty situations where someone on the train calls you
a ‘faggot.’” These homonegative statements have been shown to negatively
impact queer peoples’ mental health, no matter how subtle their delivery
may be (such as dirty looks; Woodford et al., 2014). This section draws on
the overt and covert operations of stigma as well as how informants
negotiate them.
Kyle recalled: “My dad used to make comments about gay people on TV.”
He also discussed being stereotyped by those who find out he is gay:
People, when they find out that you’re gay, all of a sudden [say] “oh yeah I can see
that you do that,” “I see you do this” and [I think] “well if I wasn’t gay then you
wouldn’t think twice about it.” (Kyle)
Another interviewee expressed having an early understanding of how homo-

phobic his environment was:
I was aware of how, [. . .] particularly among adolescent males, how entrenched the
culture of homophobia is when you’re 14, and everything is “gay,” [. . .] and that’s a
weird thing for the whole group of you, and I [. . .] felt like I shouldn’t commu-
nicate that to people because it was not something that was gonna be accepted or
dealt well with. [. . .] It just wasn’t something you communicated then. [. . .] I was
just really scared. (Dan)
With these negative social cues in place, some interviewees began to inter-
nalize these messages. Internalized homophobia/biphobia is a process
wherein external sources of discrimination, stigmatization, and victimization
are taken on by the person experiencing them, thereby negatively impacting
their sense of self (Boccone, 2016; McLaren, 2016).This internalization has
consequences, and it can result in behavioral self-repression (Chard et al.,
2015). Five interviewees discussed internalizing negative messages about
homosexuality or queerness and the impact it has on their behavior:
“Typical gay guy sleeps around,” [. . .] I just didn’t want that perception, and then
instead of just exploring that and being ok with my sexuality and not thinking of it as a
bad thing, thinking of it as a good thing, to get to know myself, I [. . .] stopped it. (Kyle)
Kyle’s reflection provides insight into the power of negative stigma; he felt so
compelled to resist gay stereotypes that he ceased engaging with his sexuality
altogether. For Alex, social expectations of sexuality were compounded by
gendered expectations and, in turn, by Alex’s nonnormative position as an
assigned-female-at-birth (AFAB) nonbinary trans person (Stieglitz, 2010):
There was [. . .] a heavy, very familiar expectation of me to get married and have
children, [. . .] so because I obviously have this internal problem that I [. . .] don’t
want children, I don’t want anything growing in me, [. . .] I don’t want to go
through that experience, [. . .] that was a point of conflict with both my parents for
a long time. [. . .] My mother eventually got used to it and was like “alright that’s
fine, that’s just the way it is,” [. . .] my father has not gotten used to it. [. . .] He’d say
“oh when you’re married and have kids you’ll feel differently” and I have no
intention of doing that, they will be like “you’ll change your mind,” [. . .] and [. . .] a
lot of society’s like that, [. . .] so that has been [. . .] everywhere. (Alex)
Like Kyle, Alex’s experiences were complicated by his nonnormative queer

sexuality. However, as someone existing outside the gender binary, Alex is
faced with the additional risk of victimization and ostracization due to not
fitting neatly into an easily comprehended gender expression (Gilden, 2008;
Lewis, 2008). Ultimately, Alex’s gender ambiguity has produced a slew of
structural and interpersonal acts of transphobia (Garelick et al., 2017). The
state of fear produced by existing in this way seems to have impacted his
relationship to sex and sexuality to such an extent that the result was a feeling
of repulsion around the majority of sexual activity:
1800 S. ROSENBERG
If I think about it in its theoretical sense or in its actual context outside of “I’m
getting off on this” [. . .] it really disgusts me, it’s something that I can’t really deal
with. [. . .] It’s all about reproduction and the way that it works into that. [. . .] I am
disgusted by the way that my body seems to have a different agenda to me, for one
thing, [and] the way that society seems to have a different agenda to me. (Alex)
When queer people are given the message that they are “other” to the rest of
society, whether via microaggressions or broad societal structures, they become
more likely to disengage with mental health services, experience psychological
distress, or have their specific needs remain unmet (Meyer, 2003; Nadal et al.,
2016; Shelton & Delgado-Romero, 2011; Woodford et al., 2014). These external
messages, and the way some interviewees have internalized them, led to mental
health issues for some of the interviewees. Beth, for example, spent a large
portion of her high school years in an eating disorder clinic:
When I was [. . .] 15 [. . .] I was diagnosed with OCD, [. . .] and the only way that [an
obsession] ever [. . .] subsided was when something that was more terrifying came
that was way bigger, and so I [. . .] feel like[. . .] the stuff about sexuality was one of
those things, but when the [. . .] eating disorder [. . .] stuff came it was bigger. (Beth)
Jacqui also experienced mental health issues:

It was like I kept stamping down on these thoughts and then suddenly they just
[. . .] pop up to the surface, and that [. . .] made me very anxious and [. . .] suicidal,
and I would have to [. . .] stamp it down, and [. . .] that often lead to [. . .] really bad
periods of mental health. [. . .] I came to associate those thoughts [homosexuality]
[. . .] with [. . .] really horrible times. (Jacqui)
Others also experienced an entanglement between their sexuality and their

mental health. This is in line with research indicating that added mental distress,
and the pharmaceuticals used to address it, can disrupt sexual functioning and
satisfaction in both adult and adolescent populations (McMillan et al., 2017;
Zemishlany & Weizman, 2008). Although Clayton and Balon (2009) suggested
that sexual dysfunction in a mental health context can be effectively dealt with if
addressed early, Quinn, Happell, and Browne’s (2011) research with mental
health nurses suggested that many mental health consumers are averse to
discussing sexuality with their clinicians and other professionals. Combining
this with the stigmatization attached to queer sexuality means that many queer
people’s sexual health needs are not properly addressed. Alex stated:
I’m somewhere on the bipolar scale, but very light, [. . .] so I have periods where
I’m depressed and periods where I’m up. I tend to be a lot more sexual when I’m
up [. . .] and I tend to be asexual when I’m down, [. . .] and experience that
revulsion [of sex] a lot clearer at that point. (Alex)
All of the study’s interviewees expressed feeling interpersonal and societal

pressures that were at odds with their experiences of gender and/or sexuality.
While some of these pressures were expressed subtly, others were more
outwardly aggressive. Although for some the impact of these experiences of

discrimination manifested in feelings of situation-specific distress, for others
these pressures resulted in chronic mental health conditions that impacted
the person’s overall life quality. Despite these negative experiences, intervie-
wees persisted in exploring their sexuality.
“I knew this is what I wanted”: Sexual self-discovery

Van Anders (2015) highlighted the diversity of sexual self-discovery experi-
ences, both for queer and non-queer people. They considered fantasy in
particular to be a significant factor in a person’s exploration and potential
labeling of a particular sexual orientation. In this study, some interviewees’
first steps toward sexual self-discovery involved fantasy:
I looked at a lot of porn, [. . .] and I still tend to. [. . .] I don’t really know what I
look for, I think I looked for people similar to myself. [. . .] I just like the intimacy, I
tend to watch videos that are a lot more intimate rather than sex. (Kyle)
Other forms of media were also pivotal early exploration points for
interviewees:
I’d probably say [a] main influence [on sexual realization] would be [. . .] TV.
(Jessie)
Online erotic fiction, was a [. . .] pretty big thing for me, because the internet
wasn’t good enough for actual porn. [. . .] I spent a lot of time exploring [. . .] all
aspects of what I was into sexually on [. . .] those sorts of websites. (Dan)
I remember growing up I was one of those people who was really into gay
fanfictions, slash fanfiction. [. . .] Looking back at it, that was a way to get away
from fiction that had too many undertones of reproduction, [. . .] and I feel like
that’s highly related to part of the way that I see my identity now and ways that it’s
easier to see my identity. (Alex)
These experiences reflect some of the themes Craig, McInroy, McCready, and
Alaggia (2015) identified in their research of younger queer people and their
use of media, in particular their notion of using representative media as a form
of escape. Queer media, in particular cinema and television, is being increas-
ingly proliferated, and queer narratives are becoming more mainstream
(Campbell & Carilli, 2013; Mennel, 2012). As the landscape of media continues
to shift, queer narratives are slowly becoming not only more present but
increasingly positive, thereby facilitating positive and empowering experiences
for the queer people who consume said media (McInroy & Craig, 2015, 2017).
In contrast to the positive use of media, four interviewees explored their
sexuality in a way that involved inebriation. This has been labeled “chemsex”
(Bourne et al., 2015, p. 1171) in recent research, although the term has been
attributed almost exclusively to men who have sex with men (Hegazi et al.,
1802 S. ROSENBERG
2016). There is a well-documented body of research on queer people other

than men who have substance use issues, often in correlation with mental
health issues (Gillespie & Blackwell, 2009; Hardesty, Cao, Shin, Andrews, &
Marsh, 2012; Hyde, Comfort, McManus, Brown, & Howat, 2009; Kelly,
Davis, & Schlesinger, 2015; Lea, Reynolds, & De Wit, 2013; Scheim, Bauer,
& Shokoohi, 2017)). However, there appears to be a dearth of research
directly addressing substance use during sexual encounters, barring some
research on a population of transgender women in Lima, Peru, which
indicated a correlation between substance misuse and unsafe sex (Delgado
et al., 2017; Herrera et al., 2016). Nonetheless, several women and gender-
diverse people in the study reflected on their experiences of chemically
altered sexual behavior:
I pretty much had one same-sex encounter in the whole of high school, [. . .] and it
was weird, and I was really too drunk, and it was with a dude who I was really
close friends with, but wasn’t very attracted to. [. . .] It happened coz I was [. . .]
super wasted. [. . .] I didn’t have any [. . .] positive development [. . .] in terms of
[. . .] an actual sense of having sexual contact with dudes that was positive and
enjoyable. (Dan)
I just wasn’t examining it [sexuality] at all except for occasionally getting drunk
and kissing girls who were my friends, [. . .] which was pretty fun, but also
confusing. (Jacqui)
Eva underwent a similar process to Jacqui, combining drinking with same-

sex sexual exploration, though rather than adding to her confusion, she views
her experience as a touchstone for her sexuality consolidation:
One night I went out and partied with the girls [. . .] and I ended up making out
with this chick and I came home and I told him [boyfriend] and he [said] “you
realise that’s cheating?” and I [said] “no?” and he [replied] “but you like girls, [. . .]
so you obviously like this person, you made out with them” and [. . .] that moment
was like [. . .] “oh shit yeah actually,” [. . .] that [. . .] moment was when I [. . .]
realised that [. . .] I [. . .] definitely like both. (Eva)
Eva discussed having a moment of clarity following a sexual experience. Kyle

expressed having a similar revelatory event:
He [first partner] was my first [. . .] sexual experience where I knew this is what I
wanted, [. . .] that kind of sex. [. . .] That’s when I really knew that [. . .] this is how I
feel, and [. . .] I’m gay, that’s where I came to comprehend that that’s really what I
wanna do in life. (Kyle)
In both Eva and Kyle’s experiences, they presented a major hindrance to

linear models of sexual self-development. Contrasting these narratives with
classic sexual identity development models such as Carrion and Lock’s
(1997), Cass’s (1979), and Troiden’s (1989) yields a significant contradiction;
not only did the interviewees act on their desires long before they had found
an appropriate label, but they had, in fact, undergone multiple sexual

encounters before reaching that realization. In these instances, action pre-
dated comprehension and self-labeling, sometimes by a magnitude of years.
In addition, these understandings of self, led by those experiences, did not
produce a direct route to complete sexual self-acceptance and pride:
I kissed a girl and then all of my friends found out, and [. . .] the experience itself
was quite traumatic for me, [. . .] to have the girl, who actually kissed me, go and
tell everyone [. . .] as [. . .] revenge, [. . .] coz I didn’t want to be with her, she was
[. . .] socially ruining me [. . .] as a response. So I didn’t do that again [. . .] for about
ten years. (Michaela)
Michaela’s experience postponed her sexual exploration by a decade. Even

when she did revisit these feelings, it was a difficult beginning:
There was the phase where I cut off all my hair and wore men’s shirts and [. . .]
tried to seduce [. . .] every lady I could possibly find, just as a way of trying it out,
which had terrible consequences because I got a lot of unwanted attention. And
[. . .] I would just flirt with them [people she wasn’t attracted to] because they were
gay, you know, which is wrong. (Michaela)
This intentionality in pursuing women elicited some internal dissonance,

which Michaela has continued to negotiate through her sexual self-discovery
journey. She found herself at odds, caught between certain feminist perspec-
tives on objectification and her increasing awareness of her own desires:
I was [. . .] quite into feminism at the time as well, so it was a very conflicting time.
So in the same way that I didn’t want to objectify women, I was having to go out
and come to grips with objectifying women. (Michaela)
Ultimately, sexual self-discovery experiences varied significantly for each

interviewee. Some chose to look inward for understanding and reach internal
clarity first. In the case of those interviewees who initially explored their
sexuality on their own, fantasy and media played significant roles both in
shaping desires and encouraging further exploration through positive repre-
sentation and contemplation. For those interviewees, the ability to engage
with narratives and imaginings of scenarios and interactions without having
to negotiate the potential real-world consequences of their actions provided
them with the breathing space required to find the safety, courage, and
certainty they needed to explore their sexuality with others.
Other interviewees underwent physical experiences with other people in
order to begin finding clarity about their sexuality. Though they may have
been unable to conceptualize or fully articulate their desires to themselves
initially, they were able to find some certainty and pleasure in queer sexual
contact with others. It is worth noting that many of the interviewees who did
engage in queer sex as an early method of self-discovery used drugs in their
initial interactions. The insecurity and confusion caused by exploring these
1804 S. ROSENBERG
emotions could play into self-esteem issues (Gillespie & Blackwell, 2009),
which have been found to correlate with queer people’s substance use, as well
as an overall connection between queer people and substances. However, it is
also worth noting that many did not find these initial events to be negative
experiences, nor did the use of drugs affect their perception of those events.
Alongside the variation in early exploration, all interviewees expressed a
definitively nonlinear experience of sexual identity formation. Rather than a
simple A to B to C, many had skipped steps (i.e., going from fantasy directly
to self-acceptance), while others moved (and, in some cases, still move) back
and forth, oscillating between exploration, self-rejection, acceptance, self-
labeling, and pride. The final section provides a way of encapsulating these
experiences of intrapersonal negotiation under the title of “coming in.”
“A slow progression”: Coming in

In this final theme, interviewees discussed what is termed here coming in, namely
the process of coming to terms and embracing their sexuality, and stepping into a
space where they felt at one with themselves, even if that sense of self was open to
change over time. As interviewees began exploring their authentic selves, they
were able to both narrate their identity and experience self-acceptance:
I’m 100% bisexual and 100% comfortable with that, and I don’t feel like I need to
justify it to anyone and I think I’ve come to that conclusion from all of [my] past
experiences and being able to [. . .] summarise it and [. . .] admit to myself [. . .]
“you’re not a dirty bisexual, you are clearly attracted to men as well as women, and
definitely get all those butterflies and all the same things.” (Eva)
This ability to summarize, label, and pinpoint the nature of one’s sexuality
brought a sense of consolidation and clarity for several interviewees. In
discussing this self-acceptance, Jacqui described reaching a “calm place”:
It was a real relief to not have to mentally stamp on things all the time, I realised how
exhausting that had been for [. . .] ten years. [. . .] From [. . .] that point [. . .] I was
gradually able to [. . .] think about it more, and do a little bit more [. . .] and [. . .] in the
end it was [. . .] really liberating and I felt like I was finally being honest. (Jacqui)
Liberation was a significant theme for several interviewees. Michaela

described a kind of liberation away from the pain she felt in her early
navigations of her sexuality, and moving away from what seemed like an
apocalyptic perspective on her sexuality and its consequences:
I kinda just do what I want to do, [. . .] and I like whoever I like, and it’s not really
so painful now in terms of gender so I can date people from both genders and
that’s fine and it’s not the end of the world if I switch back and forth. (Michaela)
By describing it as “do[ing] what I want to do,” Michaela highlighted an aspect

of the sexual identity process that coming in homes in on, namely that it is
open to change, and that it is ongoing. Jessie described their experience as

something that developed over time, and perhaps will never stop developing:
I feel like that [being asked to summarise journey] [. . .] insinuates that it’s a thing
that happened, and then [. . .] “bam,” [. . .] [like] it wasn’t a process. [But] [. . .] it
wasn’t something that just happened and I was 100% aware of so that I could [. . .]
use words for it, [. . .] it’s more of a slow progression. (Jessie)
Even those interviewees whose attractions had been consistent from the
moment they found a label that worked described the process of realization
and acceptance as being far from instantaneous or easy to digest. Near the
end of our interview, Kyle noted:
It sounds like I just went from girls to guys but [. . .] it was a really slow process.
[. . .] I’ve felt like this since I was really young, and then just coming to deal with,
and I’m still trying to deal with it now, so [. . .] it’s a long process, [. . .] even after
ten years [. . .] I’m still going. (Kyle)
These experiences reflect the essence of the concept of coming in: rather than
placing disclosure as the pinnacle of sexual self-comprehension and self-
acceptance, all interviewees focused on their relationship with themselves
as the primary source of struggle and liberation. Some had been out to family
and friends for years and still struggled internally, feeling unable to con-
solidate their queerness with other life goals such as desiring biological
children or wanting to get married. Meanwhile, other interviewees did not
feel the drive to disclose to almost anyone at all, and yet felt at peace with
their desires. These reflections highlight the inherent complexity of human
sexuality in general; any attempts at developing a linear or homogenous
sexuality model are immediately refuted by the vast number of intra- and
interpersonal factors that impact not only who and what a person desires but
also their internal feelings about these desires (Van Anders, 2015).
Finally, it is important to note the role of community in the coming-in
process. Finding a community and feeling a sense of social acceptance and
belonging is a significant protective mental health factor for queer people
(Battle & Harris, 2013; McCallum & McLaren, 2010; Munt et al., 2002;
Romijnders et al., 2017). For several interviewees, pathways to coming in
were greatly facilitated through social interactions that provided growth
opportunities. Finding other queer people to engage with has been an
important aspect of the interviewees’ development. For Jacqui, finding
other queers “helped a lot, being able to talk to people about it [sexuality],
and seeing other people go through that [process of coming in/out].”
Interviewees expressed other reasons for seeking a queer community:
[A] collective [. . .] understanding, [. . .] and just trying to find more [people] [. . .]
thinking about it, as a topic, and the fact that it is something that goes under the
radar typically, [. . .] that’s something that’s appealing, that’s part of the drive. (Jessie)
1806 S. ROSENBERG
Finding a way to discuss queerness, and to normalize it within one’s context, was
essential for many of the interviewees. For some the pieces just fell into place:
My brother came out as gay as well, [. . .] so there’s just the two of us, and because
he is, it’s a lot more comfortable in the family because [. . .] it’s just one of those
things. (Kyle)
In Kyle’s case, his brother’s coming out normalized his own queerness, and it
provided further impetus for their family to operate more inclusively as a
whole. In this way, Kyle’s social environment shifted in a way that normalized
his sexuality. Beth discussed being more proactive in normalizing queerness:
In the last couple of months I’ve just been like ‘well [. . .] that straight couple is
holding hands, therefore I can hold my girlfriend’s hand’ [. . .] and that is ok and
damn you old lady who [. . .] stared at us in the car as she drove past. [. . .] You
wouldn’t be doing this if I was a dude, or Lisa [partner] was a dude. [. . .] I guess
[. . .] my [. . .] way of [. . .] engaging in the [. . .] visibility of it and the normalisation
of it, making it ok, is just part of what I would wanna be doing anyway, and I like
holding hands, [. . .] so maybe it’s a slightly political act but it’s also just that it’s a
nice thing to do, mostly it’s just a nice thing to do. (Beth)
As this theme has illustrated, coming in is an ongoing process of self-accep-

tance, one marked by change. Modern approaches to sexuality still treat the
process of sexual identity formation as finite, which these findings refute. Van
De Meerendonka and Probst (2004) presented the idea of sexuality being
“unintegrated” until queer people “fully integrate” (p. 83) their identity into
their lives. The current findings suggest by contrast that for some, queer sexual
identity is continually “unintegrated,” as each new hookup, friendship, or
situation may shift this reality significantly. However, unlike essentialist models
of queer sexuality, these findings highlight the complexity of negotiating this
fluidity, in particular the comfort and satisfaction that many have found in the
non-static or bisexual nature of their sexuality.
Discussion
Although all interviewees undertook practices of coming out in various
contexts, have open queer interactions, and identify outside heterosexuality,
none expressed the feeling that their journey was complete. In fact, most
interviewees acknowledged that their journey may never end, and that the
most they can do is accept the way in which their sexuality is influenced by
the world, and the way in which they can influence the world reflexively with
their own understanding. As such, the idea of “coming in” offers consider-
able analytic leverage in understanding that a significant aspect of the
journey of queer-identified people is not simply to come out to others, but
rather to come in to a place of acceptance within oneself, whether that be
through relationships with other queer-identified people, or through the
development and acceptance of one’s understanding of oneself. Indeed, it is

remarkable that queer people are ever able to reach a point of self-acceptance
in the face of this ongoing, lifelong endeavor. However, more remarkable is
their resilience in contending with external and internal pressures to self-
categorize and settle, paired with social discrimination and stigma of queer
sexuality (Boccone, 2016; Woodford et al., 2014).
No matter how settled interviewees had come to be with their queerness,
they had spent their entire sexual lives in a battle. They had fought to validate
their inner desires and live authentically in a heteronormative society that
directly or implicitly opposes any expression of these desires or reduces them
down to digestible dichotomies and stereotypes. Some interviewees had fully
assimilated these social pressures and enacted them in their lives: whether by
silencing their internal desires to avoid conflict, or by acting out a similarly
conventional role of the “totally gay” person, lacking in diversity, fluidity, or
ambiguity. These simplified ways of being curb queer people’s ability to fully
immerse in and explore their sexuality (McLaren, 2016).
For many, if not most, queer people, social disclosure (coming out) is only
one aspect of a lifelong, nonlinear, constantly shifting, and ever-deepening
process of self-discovery (Van Anders, 2015), which this article defines as
coming in. Whereas coming out is often considered the terminal stage of
queer self-acceptance and self-realization, coming in acknowledges that queer
people’s experiences of sexual expression and self-discovery are irreducibly
complex, ever-evolving, and intrinsically tied in with social, relational, and
internal factors and cognitions, both stigmatizing/assimilative and radical/
resistant. This article is therefore a contribution to the growing body of
research working to challenge monolithic narratives of queerness and
acknowledge the inherent intricacy and polyvalence of all human sexuality.
Conclusion
Future research will benefit from interviewing older queer people and those
of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. However, despite the relative
homogeneity of race and age in the interviewee pool, this article was ulti-
mately based on a smaller exploratory study, which nonetheless yielded
significant findings that would potentially assist in understanding how people
negotiate their sexuality. This particular lens on sexuality could be used with
other populations and bigger participant numbers to further strengthen and
improve the concept of coming in, as well as the notion of nonlinear sexual
self-discovery more broadly.
As a final note, the researcher would like to highlight the incredible benefit
of being an insider-outsider in conducting this research. Although some
participants were timid, it was due to the specific subject matter alone. In
the post-interview debriefs, several interviewees commented that they would
1808 S. ROSENBERG
have felt less comfortable conducting these interviews with a heterosexual

person. One particular example where this familiarity played a crucial part in
getting rich data was with Dan, who reflected to the researcher that he had
never had anyone else directly inform him that they had shared some aspects
of these experiences. He stated that, in turn, this both empowered him in his
sexuality and facilitated a feeling of safety around the subject that he had not
previously felt.
Note
1. The use of the term queer to describe the interviewees is intentional, as the term was
reclaimed by 1980s and 1990s activists and used to “celebrate, rather than castigate,
difference from the ‘norm’ at a time when the oppressiveness and implicit violence of
that norm was clear and undeniable” (Hall, 2003, pp. 53–54). As such, the term
encompasses all individuals who fall outside heteronormativity, whether in terms of
sexuality or gender, though in the context of this article it will be used primarily to
describe sexuality.
Acknowledgments
I would like to acknowledge the extraordinary openness, vulnerability, and candidness of all
my fantastic interviewees and the supportive role of my colleagues Megan Sharp and Damien
Riggs. I would also like to thank Dr. Alan Campbell and Dr. Eyal Gringart’s contribution in
providing me with supervision while conducting the study detailed in this article.
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Appendix
Question List
(1) I’d like you to tell me how you began to understand your sexuality
(2) What was your perception of your attractions early on?
(3) What are some lessons or understandings you have gained from these experiences?
(4) Overall, how would you describe your self-discovery experience?
(5) How do you currently view yourself in terms of your sexual identity?

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Journal of Homosexuality

ISSN: 0091-8369 (Print) 1540-3602 (Online) Journal homepage: https://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjhm20

Coming In: Queer Narratives of Sexual Self-

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Coming In: Queer Narratives of Sexual Self-Discovery

CONTACT Shoshana Rosenberg shoshana.k.rosenberg@gmail.com Department of Sexology, School of

Table 1. Interviewee demographics.

recruited from the researcher’s social networks (friends or university class-

clusters shifted, expanded, or disappeared as new information arrived,

“Things solidified”: Searching for identity

Others experienced a more sublimated process:

As interviewees became more aware of their sexual desires, they began to

Three interviewees’ early views of their attractions were distinctly negative:

Jacqui attributed this suppression to a number of factors. First, the dichot-

Second, social stigma:

“It wasn’t something you communicated”: Society, stigma, and self

Another interviewee expressed having an early understanding of how homo-

Like Kyle, Alex’s experiences were complicated by his nonnormative queer

Jacqui also experienced mental health issues:

Others also experienced an entanglement between their sexuality and their

All of the study’s interviewees expressed feeling interpersonal and societal

outwardly aggressive. Although for some the impact of these experiences of

“I knew this is what I wanted”: Sexual self-discovery

2016). There is a well-documented body of research on queer people other

Eva underwent a similar process to Jacqui, combining drinking with same-

Eva discussed having a moment of clarity following a sexual experience. Kyle

In both Eva and Kyle’s experiences, they presented a major hindrance to

an appropriate label, but they had, in fact, undergone multiple sexual

Michaela’s experience postponed her sexual exploration by a decade. Even

This intentionality in pursuing women elicited some internal dissonance,

Ultimately, sexual self-discovery experiences varied significantly for each

“A slow progression”: Coming in

Liberation was a significant theme for several interviewees. Michaela

By describing it as “do[ing] what I want to do,” Michaela highlighted an aspect

open to change, and that it is ongoing. Jessie described their experience as

As this theme has illustrated, coming in is an ongoing process of self-accep-

development and acceptance of one’s understanding of oneself. Indeed, it is

have felt less comfortable conducting these interviews with a heterosexual

Liamputtong, P. (2007). Researching the vulnerable: A guide to sensitive research methods.

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