Dramatic Monologues

Monologue from Footloose: The Musical

I just wanted to say a few words, cuz I think this idea scares a lot of people. It
shouldn’t. (Unfolds a piece of paper, clears his throat, reads:) “From the oldest
times, people danced for many reasons. They danced so their crops would be
plentiful or so that their hunt would be good. They danced to show their
community spirit, and they danced to celebrate. And that’s the dancing we’re
talking about.”

And aren’t we told – excuse me, Reverend – aren’t we told in Psalm 149 to
“praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song. Let them praise his Name in
the dance?” (He looks to Shaw who, stunned, slowly sits.) And it was King
David… King David who we read about in Samuel. And what did David do?
What did David do? (Stalls, trying to find the passage:) What did David do? (He
finds it.) Ah! “David danced before the Lord with all his might. Leaping and
dancing before the Lord.” (Shows the Bible to the Council Members.) Leaping
and dancing. And Ecclesiastes assures us that, “There is a time to every purpose
under heaven – a time to laugh and a time to weep. There is a time to mourn and
there is a time to dance.” There was a time for this law, but not anymore. And this
is our time. Our time to celebrate life. That’s the way it was in the beginning, the
way it’s always been and that’s the way it should be now. Thank you.

Monologue from Help Desk: A Stay at Home Play

I don't know! I don't even know who I am anymore! I tried to do the captcha thing
and it asked if I was a robot and I started thinking about it, and I was like, am I a
robot? If I was a robot would I even know? Maybe I'm a robot that's programmed
to think it's a human being! And all of a sudden I didn't even know if I deserved to
get into the network if I couldn't even prove that I was a human! I mean, maybe
I'm just a brain in a vat and this is a computer simulation and—

Monologue from Everyone Gets Eaten by Sharks

Enough! I clearly can hide my actions no longer. Yes, I've taken us to fabled
Shark Cove with meat paddles while dragging a sea lion carcass. Yes, Margorie,
yes, I'm baiting sharks. Is that what you wanted to hear!? Is it?! I acknowledge it.
I did it, I did all of it for . . . I did all of it for you. I wanted you to think of me as the
greatest man in the world. So I wagered ... if I were to kill a shark with my bare
hands and give you its fin as a trophy, you would fancy me your hero! Your
modern-day Hercules.
Monologue from Dirt
I know, I know, She’s juss. . . she’s got so much to t’ deal with. An’. . .an’ I don’t wanna
make it worse. She’s th’ backbone a’ this family. Ya know that? When I got runned over
by that horse cart a few years back, an’ broke my leg, she had t’ git that job at th’ post
office to help cover th’ bills. I can’t harvest like I used ta. An’ Alvis is givin’ us so much
trouble. Rayboy bein’ sick. . .I cain’t put this on ‘er too, Cuff.

Monologue from The Adventures of Super Margaret

Thank you. May I have your silence? Please. Please be quiet. This is really important.
This is the most important thing I get to do as the class president. Please. Respect me.
Will you respect me for just a minute? (sighs) Okay, I'm not going to read it until you’re
quiet. Seriously. Seriously! Come on guys. Is it going to be like that? I won’t cry in front
of you. Okay, fine. I’ll just read it. Are you happy? It’s Brad and Angela. What a surprise.
And now we ask our new king and queen to lead us in the traditional next dance in the
Annual Non-Denominational Semi-Seasonal Non-Themed Dance-Party Event.

Comedic Monologues

Monologue from 21 Guaranteed Ways to get Detention:

Whatever! Breakin’ hearts isn’t about bein’ nice and listenin’ to people when they talk.
It’s about bein’ all hot by chewin’ gum and pretendin’ to be a puppy. (Pretends to be a
puppy) Mmmmm. Mmmm. Can you take care of me? I'm just a puppy. (Back to being a
person) That’s how you get a man, and that’s how you break. Their. Heart. That’s how
you break their heart.

Monologue from How to Overthrow Your Student Government:

What’s wrong with Jen? WHAT’S WRONG WITH JEN? (exhales) Everything’s wrong
with Jen. You think millions of Romans would’ve followed me to their deaths if I was
some guy named Jules. And not “Julius Caesar: Emperor and One True Leader of
Rome”? You think Idi Amin could’ve committed so many human right abuses if he was
just Idi. And not his official tile, “Idi Amin: Lord of All Beasts and the Fishes of the Sea”?
No! No way. So you're gonna need an official title that’s better than “Jen”.

Monologue from Orange is the New Glass

Wow, Mort! What a bold choice! And in a true rarity for Project Ballgown, our
challenging contestants are a team of princesses. Everyone in the audience curtsy for
our old friends: Sleeping Beauty and Snow White! Oh dear! Our princesses appear to
have fallen asleep! That's not like them! Let’s try that again! Welcome to the stage, our
beloved princesses! Sleeping Beauty and Snow White! SNOW! BEAUTY! LOOK ALIVE,
LADIES!

Monologue from Murder in the Knife Room

Thank you for your analysis, Decrepit Detective. Nevertheless, I suspect murder. And I
do for two reasons.
Reason Number One! Mysterious Host was stabbed mere seconds before opening this
box of incriminating evidence. It seems only reasonable to assume that in order to
protect the truth from coming out, someone in this knife room committed murder.
Reason Number Two! There is obviously no such thing as Spontaneous Manifestation
and Thrust of Knife. In all my years of Inspectoring, it may be the dumbest excuse I ever
heard!

Monologue from This is Your Brain on Social Media

Gobbelty-Gook! No more of it! I'm serious! Look, this is a problem. And it’s not just with
you kid, it’s with everyone. Social media is making us all a bunch of socially inept
dunderheads! And according to your principal, you three are the most dundery of your
school. You don't pay attention in class. You don’t do homework. You hardly sleep! You
just bleep-bloop all day and all night long. Well not anymore! I’m here to fix you! All of
you! By doing the only thing that public schools know how to do. I'm going to show you
a video! Shut it! We’re gonna watch this video. And it will show, through a series of 5-
minute scenes, just how dangerous and crazy things can get when you don’t get off
your social medias!

Monologue from Fire Exit

JANICE. I'm in the accelerated track and I was supposed to take my AP French test and
my AP Chem test that day. So I was pretty nauseous all week. The day before, it was
so bad I thought I had cholera or maybe bubonic plague—the European History AP is
supposed to be this week, so I know what I'm talking about. I actually drove myself
halfway to the ER, but then I remembered how long I had to wait when I fractured my
wrist in third grade and the truth is I just could not afford to lose the study time. Actually,
that wasn't so bad—my wrist I mean. It was career day and Mr. Valenti—Devin's
dad—was doing this demonstration, so I got to drive to the hospital in the fire truck. My
dad doesn't usually do career day on account of his career. But in this case, there was
no fire truck and there were the APS to consider, so I just took about sixty-three Tums
and a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and I went back to my digital flashcards.

Monologue from The Internet is Distrac-OH LOOK A KITTEN!

Nice! Just remember to end the paper with a quote. I had Mr. Fishbine for
English last year, and he takes off 25% if you don't end your paper in a quote.
And it has to be a really good one. The last paper I wrote for him, I ended it with
the following quote that I made up: "And so the winds blew, from dock to dock.
Disconcert-ing our merry summers. And our past lives. I will always love you."
You know, sounds nice. Feels like it could be from a book. But he saw right
through it. He was like "This is not a quote from Candide. I'm pretty sure you just
made that up." And then he gave me a D. Any-way, Mr. Fishbine's a good
teacher. You can't BS him.

Monologue from Space Girl

But what is up with those shiny things? Visitors to the planetarium often ask us
questions like: "Stars, why do we even have those?" and "Are those the twinkling
souls of our dead ancestors?" and even "I thought those were spherical units of
plasma held together by their own gravity that shine due to the thermonuclear
fusion of hydrogen into helium that occurs at their core." Silly visitors. Think of
stars as the breadcrumbs of the universe, leading us from one planet to the next,
to the ends of the Milky Way and beyond. We thank you for including the
planetarium in your activities today. We realize that the study of space can
prompt you to feel tiny and insignificant, a meaningless speck of dust in the vast
cosmic void.

Monologue from The Perfect Score

No one would even be able to tell if I froze to death out here. Hyperbole, you
can't get hypothermia in chaparral climate. (Pause.) I hope. I can't feel my feet. I
can't even feel my feet. Why did he have to take the extra key? It's my key. And
I'm going to get pneu-monia, and have to go to the hospital, and rack up huge
amounts of bills, and then who's going to regret taking the key. (Beat.) Okay, but
then I'd be in the hospital, and they definitely don't have computers, and, and I'd
never finish my applications, and I'm pretty sure you can't defer due to illness
before you've gotten in, and—I can't feel my hands now.

Monologue from Mulan Jr.

(The MATCHMAKER makes notes.) Speaking without permission. Strike one. Hmmm!
Too skinny. Humph. Not good for bearing sons. Lack of respect. Strike two. Ruining the
Matchmaker’s last good pair of slippers – and her pedicure! Strike three! You clumsy,
silly tomboy. You are a disgrace. You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your
family honor!