THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH DEC 2020

NEW
BIGGER
SIZE!

MAKE SOME NOISE

We celebrate the heroes of 2020 who have
fought tirelessly to keep us safe

GOOD
NEWS

WE PRESENT THE
‘SMALL BUSINESS’
GIFT GUIDE
26
stories you
might have
missed
TIPS TO EASE
PREGNANCY
ANXIETY

FESTIVE
CRAFTING
AND RECIPES
 Finding a
silver lining
I think it’s fair to say that this year has
been full of unexpected twists and
turns. I doubt many of us predicted
that we’d be accessorising facemasks
to our outfits, ordering from apps in
the pub garden, or learning to express
ourselves as much as possible with
only our eyes – ‘smizing’ (smiling with
our eyes) as Tyra Banks calls it.
As the nights draw in and the
temperature drops, it can be a
reminder that all we want is to be close
to our loved ones and hold them again.
We might feel nostalgic for winters
past, as we acclimatise to a new way of
celebrating the festive season.
It won’t always be easy. Some days
will be really hard. But, as put so
beautifully in our explainer on
komorebi on p26, even on the darkest
days a ray of sunlight can break
through. We just have to watch out
for it, and enjoy our moment in the
sunbeam for as long as it lasts.
And that’s what this issue is really
about. It’s been an unforgettable year,
and while it’s one many people may be
happy to put behind them, we want to
pause and reflect on the moments of
positivity that still shone through.
In our feature on p60, we hear from
some of the incredible essential
workers who gave their all through
the most testing and extreme
circumstances this year, and celebrate
their selfless and kind natures.
While 2020 has challenged us in
ways we could never have imagined,
through it all we have seen so many
examples of kindness, compassion,
and a world reassessing what truly
matters. We’ve found gratitude in new
places, and beauty in things we never
really saw before.
If there’s one thing we take with us
from this year, let it be that those
feelings continue...
W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
T | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
 26
Feel good
8 In the news
This month’s uplifting stories

12 Good news from 2020

Feel-good stories from the past year

26 What is komorebi?
Can the relationship between light
and shadow guide our wellness?

38 Build a healthy mindset

How can hypnotherapy help you
live more positively?

60 Make some noise

We celebrate the people who
touched, enhanced, and saved
lives in lockdown
28
Emotions Put into practise
58 What’s your EI?
Follow these tips for improving
emotional intelligence
18 Self-care for families
Put wellbeing on the to-do list

Feeling festive
21 Christmas gift guide
Buying from independent retailers
is the gift that keeps giving...
37 To-do this Christmas
44 Giver’s guide to wellness
How to prioritise self-care
47 Seasonal social anxiety
Tips for the festive period
56 Festive flavours
Warming Christmas recipes
66 Craft with love
Five handmade gift ideas
28 Making it up
72 Don’t be a bystander An expert’s guide to apologies
Discover steps for de-escalating
stressful situations 33 Baby jitters
What to do when you’re are
74 Are you a HSP? experiencing pregnancy anxiety
Find the power in your sensitivity,
and learn to protect your wellbeing 55 Six ways to say ‘no’
87 Say what you mean
How to tackle passive aggression
True life
41 Jan: the road to recovery
After addiction and destruction,
came the desire to help others
69 Karin: finding a purpose
Hearing loss didn’t hold Karin
back, as she crafted her own path
91 Hannah: embracing hope
Homeless at 15, Hannah shares
her journey to finding safety 47

56
Culture
52
51 Fresh off the press
We review this month’s best reads
52 Kenny Ethan Jones
The activist on what drives him,
and his hopes for the future
84 Things to do in December
95 What’s in a word?
Entrepreneur Steph Dunleavy on
what affirmations mean to her
Activities
16 What is manifestation?
Grace Victory on willing our
dreams into reality
25 Master your memory
The tip to help you spell any word
78 Put your mind to the test
Muddle through these puzzles
74
98 Make a difference
Nine random acts of kindness
21
*
Expert review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The festive season can
be anxiety-inducing for
many people, and with the
increased expectations and
responsibility it can feel quite
overwhelming. This is why
it’s so important to listen to
how you feel, connect with
your emotions, and try to trust
what they may be telling you
– as they will often guide you
to a place a comfort. Check
out p47 for some excellent
tips on how you can manage
your wellbeing during this
time of year, and the worries
the season may bring. Your
anxieties are not permanent,
and you have the power to
overcome them. It’s possible
for us all to enjoy what the
festive season may bring.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
with more than 10
years' experience.
 Our team
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer
One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each
individual is a journey – what works for one of us will be Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant

different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
on your way. Bringing together various arms of support, each of Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer
our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your Grace Victory | Columnist
wellbeing – from counselling, to hypnotherapy, Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships
nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy. Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor

Expert Panel
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

ART & DESIGN

Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue
Rosan Magar | Illustrator

COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Officer
HELEN SNAPE ONDINE SMULDERS alice.greedus@happiful.com
BSc PgDip ADEP UKCP
CONTRIBUTORS
Helen is a qualified Ondine is an existential Dawn Mitchell, Sally Pendreigh,
coach, mediator, and psychotherapist with an Claire Munnings, Helen Snape,
mentor. interest in depression. Jan Willem Poot, Karin Weiser, Hannah Lee

RUTH PARCHMENT
BA MA PGDip BPS BABCP
Ruth is a
psychotherapist who
specialises in CBT.
SPECIAL THANKS
Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Yvette Winstone,
Ondine Smulders, Ruth Parchment, Charlotte Turner,
ANNA-MARIA VOLANAKI Howard Cooper, Lee Chambers
BSc MSc
MANAGEMENT
Anna-Maria is a Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
nutritionist and sports Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
scientist. Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

SUBSCRIPTIONS
For new orders and back orders, visit
shop.happiful.com, or call Newsstand on
HOWARD COOPER GRAEME ORR +44 (0)1227 277 248 or email
subenquiries@newsstand.co.uk
GQHP TFTdx MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind

Howard is a Graeme is a counsellor CONTACT

hypnotherapist and working with both Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3,
master NLP practitioner. individuals and couples. Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL
Email us at hello@happiful.com

HAPPIFUL FAMILY
Helping you find the help you need.
RACHEL COFFEY YVETTE WINSTONE Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory,
BA MA NLP Mstr BSc PgDip Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource,
Therapy Directory
Rachel is a life coach, Yvette is a counsellor
encouraging helping clients live their
confidence. life to its fullest.
Find help Reader offer
CRISIS SUPPORT
MENTAL HEALTH
DEVOTED TO
THE MAGAZINE

NEW

Head to
£5.99 BIGGER

If you are in crisis and are concerned for

DEC 2020 SIZE!

your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E happiful. M E N Ohave

M A K E ateStheOheroes
ISE

for more com

of 2020 who
We celebr ly to keep us safe
fought tireless

se
Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email and supprvices
ort GOOD
NEWS

them at jo@samaritans.org 26
stories you
might have
THE missed
WE PRESENT
ESS’
‘SMALL BUSIN HAPPIFUL.COM
| £5.99

GIFT GUIDE

12

373017
GENERAL LISTENING LINES
TIPS TO EASE
PREGNANCY
ANXIETY

9 772514
FESTIVE
CRAFTING
AND RECIPES

SANEline
SANEline offers support and information from
4.30pm–10.30pm: 0300 304 7000
£71.88
£59.99
For 12 print issues!
Mind
Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank Pay for 10 months, get 2 free
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk
Happiful delivered to your door
Switchboard
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm:
before it hits the shelves
0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt Competitions and prize draws!

Addiction support Visit happiful.com

p41 For information and support for any kind of addiction, visit
actiononaddiction.org.uk or call 0300 330 0659

Expert nutritional advice

p56 Connect with a nutritionist to build a personalised plan, or browse
hundreds of expert articles at nutritionist-resource.org.uk

Covid-19 support line

Discover the latest articles
p60 Whether you need practical advice, or feel lonely and need to talk to
someone, call the Red Cross Covid-19 support line on 0808 196 3651 from happiful.com,
browse through expert
advice, and connect with
professional counsellors,
THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all life coaches, nutritionists,
our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC® label guarantees that the hypnotherapists, and
trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly,
holistic therapists in your
NEW
£5.99 BIGGER
DEC 2020
SIZE!

we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a
MAKE SOME NOISE
We celebrate the heroes of 2020 who have suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. area by downloading the
Happiful app – available
fought tirelessly to keep us safe

The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors
of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values.
Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is
for free from the App Store
and Google Play Store.
GOOD
NEWS

26 provided for general information purposes only. We work hard to achieve the
WE PRESENT THE

highest possible editorial standards, however if you would like to pass on your
stories you
‘SMALL BUSINESS’ might have
GIFT GUIDE missed

feedback or have a complaint about Happiful, please email us at feedback@

HAPPIFUL.COM | £5.99
TIPS TO EASE
12

PREGNANCY
ANXIETY
373017

FESTIVE happiful.com. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered
9 772514

CRAFTING

by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and

AND RECIPES

registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT Prices and benefits are correct at the
Cover illustration number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside time of printing. For full terms and
by Rosan Magar Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL. conditions, please visit happiful.com
 RELATIONSHIPS

Lockdown micro
weddings could
teach us a thing
or two about love
When lockdown began in March, 73,600
weddings and civil partnerships were
affected – and even more with lockdown
2.0. While many couples are making
the difficult decision to postpone their
weddings, others are considering their
options – with Google Trends showing a
300% increase in the number of people
searching for ‘elopement weddings’.
There are going to be many life lessons
learnt from lockdown (see p60 for some
inspirational stories), but, according to Jane
Caterer from Petite Weddings, we might
also learn a thing or two about marriage.
“Intimate weddings cut through all
the stress that can be part and parcel of
larger weddings for some people – be it
expectations, family politics, or financial
strain,” says Jane. “This leaves couples to
focus on what truly matters: their love and
commitment.
“It’s been amazing to witness the
outpouring of love and happiness that’s
amplified in the pared-back experience
of a micro wedding,” she says, reflecting
on the couples she’s seen opt for smaller
ceremonies since lockdown. “They
feel confident to make the experience
reflective of their romance and future
commitment, without distraction.

The Uplift
Intimate weddings are enveloped in
complete love and support, with everyone
feeling fully invested and involved.”
Things are going to be done differently
for some time, but something that
never changes is the power of love,
companionship, and a dash of romance.

ENVIRONMENT
ASDA opens first sustainability store
The supermarket giant is taking steps in the right direction
Lately, we’ve all been thinking
a little more about the things
that we can do to protect the
environment. One option is
cutting back on the amount of
plastic we’re using in our daily
lives. Though, with plastic firmly
ingrained in our society, this
doesn’t come without challenges.
But that could, finally, be
changing.
In a move to help customers
chose greener options,
superstore ASDA has opened
a new sustainability trial
store, partnering with some
of the biggest brands in the
UK – including PG Tips, Vimto,
Kellogg’s, Radox, and Persil – for
their plastic-free section in the
Middleton, Leeds, store.
The trial is set to evaluate
what works best for customers,
with plans to roll it out to more
locations in 2021, if it proves
popular.
“Our own insight tells us that
more than 80% [of customers]
believe that supermarkets have
a responsibility to reduce the
amount of single-use plastics in
stores,” says Roger Burnley, CEO
and president of ASDA. “We want
to give them the opportunity to
live more sustainably by offering
them great product choices and
value, underpinned by a promise
that they won’t pay more for
greener options at ASDA.”
Is this the sign that a more
sustainable world is on the
horizon? We certainly hope so!
SOCIETY
Brits drop the
stiff upper lip
It’s an age-old stereotype that
British people don’t like to talk
about our feelings, and would
prefer to stay quiet and try to
work through them alone. But
things seem to be changing for
the better, as a new survey, from
data research and analytics firm
Glow, now shows.
In the study, almost two-thirds
of respondents reported that
they felt comfortable asking for
the help that they need, and also
felt confident that they would be
able to support others who are
struggling with their own mental
health, too.
With a rise in the number of
people speaking out about their
mental health in the media and
online, it makes sense that it may
be becoming more normalised –
and that, in turn, is affecting the
ways that we speak and respond
to the people in our own lives.
So often, the first step to feeling
better is to begin talking to others
about the things that are going on
out of view. And while stoicism
has come hand-in-hand with
British culture so far, breaking
down the walls that we put up,
and learning how to be there
for one another, is a vision for
a kinder future. So, perhaps we
should be less ‘keep calm and
carry on’ and more ‘keep calm
and keep talking’.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
happiful.com | 9
 Photography | Eric Johnson Photography / Shutterstock.com

Clap for Our Carers 2020

 Good news you might
have missed
It’s not all doom and gloom – here we revisit some of the most uplifting
stories and positive news to come out of 2020, to shine a light on the kindness,
compassion, and empathy that have truly been the highlights of our year

Writing | Rebecca Thair Illustrating | Rosan Magar

RAMPING UP ACCESSIBILITY
More women than ever are
A disabled grandmother
directing films, a report
from Hanau, Germany,
in January revealed, with is paving the way in
twice as many directors of spreading awareness
2019’s top grossing films of the importance of
being female accessibility. Having
compared MAGIC MELODIES used a wheelchair for
with 2018! more than 20 years, Rita
The right tune can Ebel was frustrated with
make a big difference, the difficulty of getting
with a study revealing around town, and was
that songs with a slow inspired by another
wheelchair user’s plans
tempo, simple melody,
for a LEGO ramp. Using
In March, and no lyrics, help you donated bricks sent from
after 240 relax – and work in 13 all over Germany, Rita
days, New minutes. Plus, if you’re builds and places the
South Wales, feeling low, 13 minutes ramps around her home
Australia, was of music with lyrics town as a useful tool for
finally free of that you can connect others with disabilities,
bushfires. visual impairments, and
with may reduce prams, and to draw
overwhelm. I guess attention to the obstacles
13 might be a lucky wheelchair users face in
number after all. their daily lives.

12 | happiful.com
After 13 years of playing To lift spirits during lockdown, furniture store IKEA
it cool, two giant pandas decided to publish the recipe for its iconic meatballs
at the Ocean Park Zoo in
Hong Kong have finally
so that frustrated fans could make them at home.
made a move – and
conservationists couldn’t In May, Moonpig launched a campaign for Mental
be happier. It seems
that perhaps all the Health Awareness Week encouraging people to see
pair needed was a bit of ‘the hidden message’, and to feel comfortable opening
privacy in order to mate, up. It gave out 25,000 free postcards as part of its
as the zoo closed to the
public in January due to
mission to prompt people to reach out.
the pandemic.
We’ll keep WOOD YOU BE-LEAF IT
our fingers Many of us found a new love of nature this year, as
crossed for demonstrated by the record visits a tree mapping site
the patter received during lockdown. TreeTalk, which features
of tiny paws the location and species of more than 700,000 trees in
soon... London, had a fiftyfold increase in visitors, with the site
creating walks specific to users’ locations, and revealing
information about the trees you pass along your way –
along with how rare they are. The natural world awaits!
Hamilfans around the
world rejoiced as the
movie of Hamilton was WHEN YOU’RE
released 15 months A mother-son team from
SMILING... India have gone viral
ahead of schedule with their Instagram
– thank goodness, With account that shares
because I was not facemasks wholesome and
willing to ‘wait for it’. now a part of heartwarming
our daily lives, motherly advice.
a Japanese Poonam and her
son Pranav set up
store has found the ‘Mother With Sign’
a novel way to account in January,
For the first time ever, ensure employees sharing photos of
renewable electricity remain approachable. Poonam holding signs
exceeded fossil fuel Staff members’ with relatable and funny
generation during the masks now have words of wisdom – and
have now got more than
first half of 2020! Fossil human smiles printed
150,000 followers. One of
fuel use fell by 18%, on them to display our favourites is: “Even
and renewable energy an endearing and marathons are run one
increased by 11%, too. friendly demeanour. step at a time.”

happiful.com | 13
 The city of Arnhem, in the Netherlands, is
leading the way in combating climate
change after unveiling 10-year plans to
replace 10% of asphalt with grass and
greenery. This move will help to absorb
up to 90% of rainwater through the soil –
addressing the frequent floods seen in recent
years – as well as providing cooler areas with the
additional foliage to assist with the increasing heat.
After a two-month delay due
to the pandemic, the world’s
largest rooftop farm opened
in Paris in July! Sitting atop a
six-storey building, the plot
covers 14,000 square metres
and is expected to produce
around 1,000kg of fruit and
vegetables every day.

BEAVERING AWAY (AND BACK AGAIN)

Since being hunted to extinction 400 years ago, beavers LEND ME
miraculously appeared in Devon in 2013. After a study SOME SUGAR
revealed their positive impact on the environment, the One positive to come
beavers have now been given the ‘right to stay’ – hot dam! from the pandemic
is seeing the growing
connections in
BABY BOOM
communities, as a study
Lockdown quizmaster
An amazing Jay Flynn was made
of 2,000 people by
‘Remember a Charity’
seven an MBE after raising found that more than
mountain £750,000 for charity 50% have grown closer
gorilla through his virtual pub
to their neighbours. It
also revealed that just
babies quizzes. From being more than half of people
have homeless in 2007, Jay believe that they are
more appreciative of
been born now also finds himself their local communities
in a Ugandan a Guinness World and charities due to
national park so Record holder for ‘most Covid-19, and 47% are
consciously choosing to
far this year – viewers of an online value the smaller things
more than twice quiz’. Win, win! in life.
as many as in
2019 in total!
In September, LEGO announced plans to phase out
its single-use plastic bags used for loose bricks, and
instead switch to recyclable, sustainably-sourced
paper bags. The move is part of the toymaker’s
mission to make all packaging sustainable by 2025 –
with a £310 million global investment in the plans.

14 | happiful.com
 Undoubtedly the national treasure of 2020,
Captain Sir Tom Moore, 100, launched a podcast
in partnership with Cadbury and charity Age
UK’s ‘Donate Your Words’ campaign, which looks ALL YOU
to tackle loneliness in elderly people. The podcast NEED
encourages youngsters to start conversations with IS LOVE
older generations, by sharing fascinating life stories and
unmissable anecdotes, including one 79-year-old’s kiss A heartwarming video
with Elvis Presley! recently went viral, which
captured the moment
a couple, married
for 60 years, were
A REAL-LIFE SUPERHERO reunited after 215 days
apart due to Covid-19
A disabled 14-year-old girl from Columbia, Missouri, has restrictions! Joseph
inspired millions of people by proudly demonstrating her and Eve Loreth were
incredible invention on a TEDx stage – and as she sees staying at an assisted
it, the creation gives her superhero abilities. Following a living home in Florida,
STEM workshop, Jordan Reeves, whose left arm stopped when Joseph had to
developing from her elbow, created a prosthetic arm undergo rehabilitation
using a 3D-printer that shoots glitter! Jordan hopes that her at another location.
‘Project Unicorn’ design can encourage other youngsters The joy of seeing these
with disabilities to see the possibilities in them, rather than true loves finally being
as hindrances. together again after
such a stressful time is
In Edinburgh, Scotland, a A school in Sydney, an incredibly moving
small village of 11 houses Australia, is breaking moment.
has been built on vacant gender stereotypes,
land, with full-time and teaching essential
support staff, to create a life skills, with lessons
safe community for the in hands-on car The comeback of
homeless, and to help maintenance for Year 11 the year in 2020
rehabilitate people. girls, including how to has certainly been
change a tyre, and that of the ‘drive-
Ever get a song stuck in your what to do in a in’. From concerts
head, but can’t quite place crash. The aim to movies, we’ve
it? Google has launched a is to promote embraced some
new hum-to-search feature independence, socially distanced
allowing you to whistle, sing strength, and outdoor fun.
or hum to discover the song. resourcefulness.

happiful.com | 15
 The low-down on
manifestation...
Whether you’ve heard about it on social media, or in self-help and female
empowerment books, ‘manifesting’ has become a real buzz word – and it’s
one our columnist Grace uses daily. Here, she shares everything you need to
know about the power of ‘manifestation’ and how to make it work for you
W
hen I was 23, I
began searching
for ways to connect
to myself more
deeply, as well as how to create a
life that I really wanted – and this
is when I discovered the power of
manifesting.
We are conditioned and
programmed by the beliefs of
adults around us growing up,
our childhood experiences, and
any trauma we may have been
through. From a young age, I didn’t
want to be a statistic or a product
of my environment; I wanted more
for myself, even if wanting more
was against all odds.
In my early 20s, I stumbled
across the documentary The Secret
– and it completely changed my
life. It confirmed how powerful
I perceived visualisations and
positive self-talk to be. As a child,
I had an innate knowledge that
if I believed I could, I would,
and essentially that is what
manifesting is.
The stories we tell ourselves
eventually become our reality
through our perspectives. A
16 | happiful.com
wit h Grace
lot of these perspectives are
subconscious, and until we
become aware of them, they act
as scripts that play out throughout
our lives. If we were bitten by a dog
as a child, we might have a fear
as an adult that we will be bitten
again, thus resulting in certain
behaviours and thought patterns
that may come to fruition.
Now, I’m not saying that every
tragic thing that happens in
adulthood is a result of our own
actions, but our thought patterns
and subsequent behaviours
do have the ability to create
experiences – both positive and
negative. We create our lives and
get to choose who we will become
through what we think, how we
talk to ourselves, and the actions
we take based on those thoughts.
Manifesting is the universal law
of attraction “thoughts become
things”, and the way in which we
can bring tangible things into our
life through mindset, thought
patterns, and action. We have the
ability to manifest anything – a car,
a holiday, a relationship, a job. But
the tricky part is, we have to:
1. Really believe we deserve
whatever we are trying to
manifest.
2. Be truly grateful for what
we have right now.
It is the regular,
sustained thoughts
and core beliefs we
have that can then be
turned into our reality
And both of these can be hard if
you don’t have much self-belief,
and you’re not entirely happy with
where you are, or who you are
right now. In order to manifest, we
have to show gratitude and love,
regardless of our circumstances.
If you’re a particularly anxious
person, you will be pleased to
know that one single thought won’t
come to fruition – if you have a
random thought that the world is
going to end, it’s very unlikely that
it actually will. It is the regular,

sustained thoughts and core
beliefs we have that can then be
turned into our reality. Of course,
we also need to put our thoughts
and words into action, too.
You’re not going to buy a house,
or be able to travel the world, if
you’re sitting around all the time.
Manifestation magic can only
work if you work, too!
Studies have shown that how
a person sees the world is the
world which they will create, so if
you want a life full of abundance,
joy, and love, you have to actively
seek it, believe you’re worthy of it,
and that it is already here.
Love
Grace x
@GRACEFVICTORY
How to start manifesting:
Be specific
The universe cannot provide you
with what you want if you don’t
know what you want. So, you want
a new car? What model is it? What
colour? How does it feel when you
sit inside it? How does it smell?
Visualise it all, because if it’s real
inside your mind and heart, it will
become real inside your life.
Vocalise your desires
Talk to and seek guidance from
whatever you believe in – a deity,
the universe, or even nature. If
you don’t ask, you don’t get, and
you can ask for anything – there
is nothing that you don’t deserve.
You have to believe you are worthy
of whatever your heart desires.
Take action
You have to take action in creating
a life that you want. You can’t sit
around waiting for change, you
have to actively seek it. And there
are signs all around us, guiding
us down the right path. Signs can
come in many forms – we just
have to be open to receiving them.
Be grateful
Showing gratitude for where we
are right now, what we have, and
who we are – even if we aren’t
entirely satisfied – will put us on
a more positive frequency. Every
day, take time to be grateful for
what you have in your life. You can
be grateful for sunshine, for rain,
for a hot shower, for your kids,
for fluffy socks – for anything. It’s
the little things that truly make us
happy after all.
happiful.com | 17
 Family
values

Among the routines, school runs, runny noses, and sleepless nights, it can be
easy to put your own needs on the back burner. Fortunately, we have some
tips to ensure you’re taking care of yourself, and your relationships, too

Writing | Yvette Winstone Illustrating | Rosan Magar

W
ork-life balance
can be difficult for
many people, and
being responsible
for a child can be another added
challenge. Taking care of children
can often take the focus, and with
work and chores, along with social
commitments, it can be a lot to
juggle – where is the time for our
relationships?
Here we explore some thoughts on
how to balance your role as a parent
alongside your other relationships
and identity, to feel the benefits of a
more harmonious life.
1. Make a plan about who
does what and when
For couples returning from work,
or having spent the day caring for
the kids, it’s likely they may reach
the end of the day feeling tired and
stressed. Then comes the question:
who’s responsible for what chores?

18 | happiful.com

Sometimes, it can be assumed
that one parent will do certain
tasks; this can lead to resentment
and arguments. To ensure
everyone is taking an equal
share, it can help to sit down
together and write a list of
household duties. Communicate,
and have a discussion about tasks
– changing it up now and then to
keep things balanced.
For single parents, it can
feel like everything’s on your
plate. Depending on the age
of your children, it might be
worth having a discussion with
them about how they can help
out. Using an activity calendar
with them can help spread out
some responsibilities. And with
younger children, it could be
worth asking if family or friends
can help out once a week, to
give you a bit of a break where
possible.
2. Ensure you have time for
yourself, and your relationship
Life is fast-paced and can be
stressful, so it’s important to
ensure that you are looking after
yourself. Always remember, it’s
not selfish to take some time to
recharge your batteries.
We want to enjoy our family
life, and the time we spend
together. When you put the
children to bed and finish the
chores, run a bath or read a
book. Find time to unwind.
Mindfulness can be helpful with
this, and it doesn’t have to take
long – try just 15 minutes of
mindful practice or meditation,
and see how quickly it can
change your day.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s
important to make time for each
other as a couple. It’s not always
possible to find a babysitter,
but if you can, try to organise
regular date nights where you can
reconnect. You don’t even need
to leave the house, just sit down
together on the sofa and watch a
film, put your phones away, and
talk to each other.
Always remember,
it’s not selfish to take
some time to recharge
your batteries
3. Keep up with your hobbies
When you have a baby, the
dynamics in your relationships
– both with yourself and others –
tend to change. Some people can
also lose their sense of identity,
and fall into the role of being
‘mum’ or ‘dad’. It’s important to
spend time doing something you
enjoy, on your own – continuing
a hobby, or taking up a new one.
Pursuing a hobby can help to
stimulate your mind, and boost
confidence, as we feel a sense of
achievement.
put into practise
4. Spend time together
as a family
It can be fun to pick a theme night
once a week, such as Italian food
on Wednesdays.
You could also have a movie night,
and take it in turns to choose a film.
Some people use the alphabet game
to choose family days out. Simply
work through the alphabet, taking
it in turns to pick an activity in line
with each letter. This means that
each family member gets to choose
something fun, and you make new
memories together.
5. Know that everyone
has arguments
It is important to realise that all
families argue, but the trick is
to be able to discuss things, and
work through them together
before they build up. Remember
that it is about the give and take
in a relationship, and there may
be some things you need to
compromise on.
If a conversation with a partner
is becoming heated, agree to have
a 10-minute break to calm down
before you discuss the issue.
Communication, and working as
a team, are really important in any
relationship, and help to build an
all-round better family life.
Yvette is a psychotherapist who
works with children, adults, and
couples. You can find her on
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | 19
 “
What lies behind us and what
lies before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Illustration | Becky Johnston, @heybooxy
 feeling festive

Small brands
doing good
Shop small this year, from
the pick of our favourite
independent sellers who, in
their own way, are having a
positive impact on the world

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

C
hristmas is going to be a
little different this year.
But something that will
never change is the power of
generosity. Nothing beats the
feeling of watching someone’s
face light up with delight as they
unwrap a thoughtful present
selected just for them, and when
you shop from independent
sellers, not only are you able to
uncover truly unique gifts, but
you’re also supporting a dream.
For your loved ones, to pop on
your own list, or simply a gift
from you to you (we won’t tell),
without further ado, let us present
to you the Happiful Christmas gift
guide, 2020... >>>

happiful.com | 21
 Pure Thoughts, meditation candle
The perfect antidote for a long, tiring day, the
mediation candles from Pure Thoughts are
slow-burning, cruelty-free, soy wax candles,
that use pure essential oils to help ease your
mind with their gentle amber glass glow.
Choose from love, gratitude, peace, and trust
scents, or go all-in with the complete gift set. About: Blanks,
Prices start at £16.00, purethoughts.co.uk
notebook
This is a notebook, with a
difference. Made by reusing
old book covers, About:
Rosi Tooth, artwork print Blanks gives new life to
materials that would
Lover of all things playful and pink, Rosi Tooth
otherwise be thrown away.
is a Bristol-based artist and designer. With a
Filled with responsibly
refined talent for capturing the quirky moments
sourced, unlined, light
in everyday life, her prints are bound to brighten
cream paper, these
up any wall and make for excellent conversation
notebooks are the perfect
starters, as well as serving as a reminder
gift for the jotter in
to embrace the small moments of joy and
your life. Prices start at
empowerment that usually pass us by.
€11.95, about-blanks.com
Prices start at £10.00, rosi-illustration.com

Yorkshire
Blankets,
throw

Make it a cosy

Images: ChilliChopCo | Instagram @chillichopco

Christmas with a throw
from Yorkshire Blankets.
Handmade in the north of
ChilliChopCo, chilli sauce England, using eco-friendly
materials, choose from an
Some like it hot, and for spice lovers, you can’t go wrong with extensive range of neutral,
chilli sauce from ChilliChopCo. Based in Essex, these African- patterned, and colourful
inspired sauces are designed to help take cooking from novice blankets – sure to warm
to expert level, all with the scoop of a spoon. Pick from Three any and all cockles this
Chilli Sauce, Jollof Sauce, and Sweet & Spicy Chutney. winter. Prices start at £18.00,
£5.99, chillichopco.com yorkshireblankets.co.uk

22 | happiful.com
The Clay Drop,
earrings
If you’re on the hunt for
unique, handmade jewellery,
look no further than The Clay
Drop. Crafted from polymer
clay, these earrings come in
eye-catching patterns, drool-
La Basketry, DIY kits
worthy colours, and quirky
shapes – guaranteed to make a Crafting is a wonderful way to unwind and let your mind run free,
statement. And watch out for and with the DIY kits from La Basketry, you can do just that – plus,
special charity ranges, so you by the time you’re done, you’ll have a usable basket to show for it.
can look good and do good at Choose from twine sets in a range of sizes and customisable colour
the same time. Prices start at schemes, or opt for a minimalist-looking rope basket, all designed
£8, theclaydrop.co.uk for beginners. Prices start at £25.00, labasketry.com

House of Kato, house plants

To add a dash of greenery to urban homes,
House of Kato is a sustainable, eco-friendly,
online plant shop that delivers the joys
of nature straight to your door. Browse
their extensive collection of unique and
conspicuous plants, perfect for brightening
up any space.
Prices start at £8.00, houseofkato.com
Glass Half Full
Glasgow, lavender
Tilda’s Tribe, Naked Box eye pillow
If you have dry or sensitive skin, goat’s milk skincare Handmade in Glasgow, for
is a total treat – and, for anyone else, it also offers a those looking to elevate
host of vitamins, minerals, and healthy acids. Tilda’s their self-care routine, these
Tribe goat’s milk soaps come straight from the source lavender eye pillows take
– three Yorkshire goats: Gurti, Wooly, and Joanna. relaxation to the next level.
The Naked Box gift-set allows you to pick four Available in a huge range
bars of soaps in different scents, with the of removable and washable
option of adding beeswax wraps and a soap patterned fabrics, find the
dish, to help extend the life of these plastic- perfect match for any lucky
free goodies. receiver. £10.00, etsy.com/uk/
Prices start at £13.00, tildastribe.co.uk shop/GlassHalfFullGlasgow

happiful.com | 23
 Sweet Backflip, book stamps Bespoke Binny,
For book-lovers who like to make a aprons and
mark, the personalised book stamps from oven mitts
Sweet Backflip are a great way to add a
unique touch to any personal library. Choose Inject a dash of colour into
from a range of different designs, from traditional your home with the kitchen
to contemporary, and be assured of the quality by range from Bespoke Binny, all
requesting a free proof with your order. made with beautiful African-
Prices start at £18.00, sweetbackflip.com inspired patterns, with the
aprons lined with thick cotton
twill and the mitts suitably
filled with heat resistant
wadding. And to round it off,
the aprons are also available in
Dark Sugars, hot chocolate
a child’s size, for the budding
From a journey that began on a stall in chef in your life.
Borough Market, Dark Sugars now sell Prices start at £16.99,
luxurious Ghananian hot chocolate from bespokebinny.com
their Brick Lane shop and online. There’s
a hot chocolate kit for everyone, including
vegans, with flavours including warming
cinnamon and intense pitch-black.
Prices start at £19.95, darksugars.co.uk

Images: Dark Sugars | darksugars.co.uk, MUD Urban Flowers| mudurbanflowers.com

MUD Urban
Kate Brigden Ceramics, ‘friendship’ mug Flowers, dried
flowers
Celebrate the power of friendship, by gifting the ‘friendship’ mug
from Kate Brigden Ceramics. Hand-painted in the UK, these simple Dried flowers are the gift
pieces pack a whole load of charm and, what’s even better, 10% that keeps on giving, as
from the sale of every ‘friendship’ mug is donated to The Prince’s you can create the illusion
Trust ‘Women Supporting Women’, an initiative of fresh blooms, with real
helping young women gain the skills needed to flowers that can last for up
live, learn, and earn. to three years. MUD Urban
£26.00, notonthehighstreet.com/ Flowers create bouquets in a
katebrigdenceramics range of colours and styles,
from traditional white
daisies to irresistible
coloured bunny
tails (a must-see!).
Prices start at £20.00,
mudurbanflowers.com

24 | happiful.com
Visual recall
If there are certain words you
always struggle to spell, try this
neuro-linguistic programming
(NLP) technique that can help
improve your memory
1
Write d
own th
always e word
eludes that
you on
of pape a piece
r or fla
shcard.

2
Move the paper so
it’s in the top left of
your field of vision.
3
While
the pa
this p per is
ositio in
the w n, spe
ord ou ll
t loud
.

4
on,
e llin g th e word later
Try sp when
kin g u p a n d to the left
loo our
w ill prompt y
you d o . T h is
make Bonus tip!
is ua l r e ca ll, and should
v the
e a sie r to remember Try spelling the word
it backwards and forwards when
lling!
correct spe you first read it in the top left
of your vision. This can help
improve your recall further!
 What is
Ko
A dance between shadow and light that we
can all relate to – we explore the meaning
behind komorebi, and the lessons it can
teach us about mental health
Writing | Kat Nicholls Illustrating | Rosan Magar
E
very time I look up from my
desk, I see my favourite art
print – The Shyness of Trees by
Marcel George. Imagining
you’re looking straight up towards
the sky, the illustration depicts a
canopy of trees with channel-like
gaps between the crowns, caused
by a phenomenon known as ‘crown
shyness’. Whenever I look at it, I feel
small in a wonderful way.
In real life, the space between
the canopy and branches
allows sunlight to gently
filter through. In Japan,
the dappled light this
creates is called komorebi
(pronounced koh-mo-
reh-bee) and is made up of the
kanji characters for tree (木), shine
through (漏れ), and sun (日).
The contrast between sunlight
and shadow, and the way the two
dance, is a sight artists of all types
try to capture – just look at Claude
Monet’s Garden Path and The Olive
Tree Wood in the Moreno Garden. The
beauty of komorebi isn’t just skin-
deep, however. The interplay of
light and dark can teach us a thing
or two about life and wellness.
For example, there can be times in
our lives when we feel shrouded in
shadow. Perhaps our mental health
is suffering, we’re experiencing
grief, rejection, or disappointment.
 Komorebi meditation
To help you feel more present
and appreciate komorebi, try
this short meditation:
•F  ind a comfortable seat and
surround yourself with a
scent you love.
•C  lose your eyes and take
three deep breaths, in
through the nose and out
through the mouth.
• Visualise yourself on a path in
a forest. There’s a soft breeze
When we feel like this,
existential psychotherapist
Ondine Smulders encourages
us to remember that everything
passes, including the darkness.
“Rather than consider this
process pessimistically, we can
see it for what it is: a process
of continual change whereby
experiences of pain and sorrow
are as definite to pass as life’s
special moments.”
As well as recognising this
impermanence in life, Ondine
suggests that we find acceptance
for the fact that the journey to
mental wellness is rarely linear.
Ondine likens it to a path, slowly
winding up a mountain.
“For some of us, the healing
will be a relatively gentle walk.
For others, it will be a steep hike.
We’re all different and so, every
journey is different.
“Be prepared for setbacks,
perhaps even for moments
where you believe you’ve gone
backwards. Sometimes we make
lots of headway, other times we
get stuck and need to make a
and dappled light appears all
around you.
• Take your breath a little
deeper, and focus on the
movement of the light and
shadow.
• If any other thoughts come
up, let the gentle breeze take
them away and refocus your
attention on the light.
• When you’re ready to return to
your day, take another deep
breath and bring movement to
U-turn. It may be tempting to
give up when you feel worse and
your progress appears to have
ground to a halt. Before you do,
take stock, and see how far you’ve
come in spite of the problems.”
When we give ourselves the
space to do this, we allow
ourselves to cherish the positives.
Even if we discover something
isn’t helpful for us, Ondine notes
that it’s still a step forward.
The interplay of light
and dark can teach
us a thing or two
about life and
mental wellness
These darker moments in our
journey may be difficult, but
they’re also a sign that we’re
showing up in our own life.
But how can we see the light,
or komorebi, when there’s a lot
of darkness? Ondine suggests
your limbs as you
reconnect with your
surroundings.
•G
 ently open your eyes and
remember you can come back
to this forest any time you want.
staying active, managing stress,
and reaching out to friends,
family, and professionals.
“Make time to discover how to
care for yourself in your own way,
too,” Ondine says. “I try to look
up during my daily walk so I can
discover something new that I
haven’t spotted yet.
“You don’t need to be in the
perfect forest to see komorebi.
Just one tree and a bit of sun
through the clouds will do.”
Our paths may be different,
but now and then we can look
around, notice the komorebi
and appreciate the gentle dance
between light and dark.
Ondine is an existential psychotherapist
with an interest in depression. To
learn more about Ondine Smulders
and to find professional support, visit
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | 27
 How to apologise,
authentically
Begrudgingly, desperately, softly, sincerely – however you
go about it, we all have to make up for the things we’ve
done every now and then. But how can we ensure that our
apologies have real meaning? With help from psychotherapist
Ruth Parchment, we explore what makes a real apology, and
the tips you can use to make amends, for good

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

T
he importance of
apologies is something
that’s drilled into us
from when we’re young
children. Think back – can you
remember parents and teachers
instructing you to apologise to
a friend or sibling following a
quarrel? The simple phrase,
“I’m sorry,” becomes part of our
vocabulary very early on, but how
many of us go on to learn how to
apologise with real depth?
A study commissioned by
PiCKUP! found that the average
adult in the UK apologises eight
times a day, adding up to 4,380
times a year. Now, not every
one of those apologies will
be over the big stuff – they’re
more likely to be for those
accidentally bumps when
you’re out and about, being a
couple of minutes late for a
meeting, or even just saying
sorry too many times – but the
sheer number of apologies
we get through does tell us
something about the slight
flippancy of the word ‘sorry’.
Think about it: have you
ever received an apology from
someone else that feels slightly
surface-level? Or have you
found yourself uttering those
words obediently at the end of
an argument, without really
considering the weight of what
you’re saying? The truth is,
there’s an art to apologising
that a lot of us aren’t taught. But
we’re about to change that.
“Unhelpful apologies can
happen both intentionally and
unintentionally,” explains Ruth

28 | happiful.com
 put into practise

Finding the ‘sweet spot’

In 2005, Cynthia M Frantz, from Oberlin College,
Ohio, published a study titled ‘Better Late Than
Early’ where she looked at the importance of
timing when apologising. To illustrate this, Frantz
asked 83 students to imagine that a friend
had forgotten to meet them for a party, and
had gone alone. She asked them to visualise
the friend apologising at different points in the
conversation, following the mix-up. The students
responded most positively when the apology
was delivered after they had been able to vent,
express themselves, and feel heard. As Frantz
sees it, the ‘apology curve’ is U-shaped, and
apologies that come too late or too early after
the fall-out are likely to fail – there’s a sweet
spot in the middle. But where this falls depends
entirely on the individual circumstances.

Parchment, a psychotherapist But it’s worth working through

with a special interest in
forgiveness and authenticity.
“They may form patterns of
behaviour that are developed
over time – an instantaneous
reaction to feeling accused of
doing something wrong.”
Ruth points to the wise words
of Dr Karina Schumann, who has
studied apologies and suggests
that: “Apologies disrupt our self-
image of being a ‘good person’
who is moral, decent, fair, and
caring.” When we apologise,
Ruptures are an
inevitable part of
connections; we
come from different
backgrounds, life
experiences, values,
and perspectives
we’re faced with feelings of
shame and vulnerability – things
we might want to mask with
shallow words.
those uncomfortable feelings.
An authentic apology shows that
you acknowledge the hurt you’ve
caused, which helps build trust
and respect – two cornerstones
to a healthy relationship.
“Ruptures are an inevitable
part of connections; we come
from different backgrounds,
life experiences, values, and
perspectives,” adds Ruth.
“Genuine apologies can have
a positive impact on your self-
esteem and self-confidence. >>>

happiful.com | 29
 There’s a sense of relief and
integrity that apologies provide.”
So what are the tips and
techniques that we can use to start
apologising from the heart? Ruth
explains:

Common mistakes to avoid

You will have heard these phrases
countless times, and may have
even fallen back on some yourself.
But what exactly is wrong
with them, and what are the
implications of our words?

Not accepting responsibility.

Giving a grudging apology. For
example: “OK, just move on,
I’m sorry,” or “Fine, I’m sorry.
There I’ve said it!” A grudging
apology is made reluctantly
and with resentment. It’s not
about the person who has
been hurt, but rather about
alleviating discomfort at being
accused of wrongdoing. It
sends a message of not really
caring about the harm caused
to the person owed an apology.
Not expressing any genuine
regret. “I was just joking,” and
“I guess I should say sorry,”
are examples of non-apologies
that do not show genuine
regret. A sincere apology
demonstrates remorse for
our actions. In non-apologies
there’s an absence of keywords
and actions that signal
regret. Directly verbalising
wrongdoing acknowledges the
impact of hurtful actions.
Words such as “I’m sorry but…”
or “It wouldn’t have happened
if...” deflect responsibility for
the hurt caused and are excuses.
Instead of remorse, there’s
blame – and a justification for our
actions is prioritised.
Giving an in-direct apology. “I’m
sorry that you feel that way,” is
another non-apology. There’s
an implicit message of the hurt
person being hypersensitive or
irrational. Instead of admitting to
any wrongdoing, it implies that
the person’s emotions are the
problem, rather than the actions.

30 | happiful.com

How to apologise
constructively
To apologise in a constructive
way, Ruth suggests four tips
from When Sorry Isn’t Enough,
by Gary Chapman and
Jennifer Thomas.
Express regret. This means
showing that you are genuinely
sorry for your actions. The
words “I am sorry” are crucial,
alongside acknowledging what
you have done.
Accept responsibility. Instead
of making excuses, or trying to
justify your actions, show that
you are owning your mistake
or wrongdoing. Instead of “I’m
sorry I have upset you,” you
might say: “I’m sorry that I
shouted at you, it was my fault.”
Make restitutions. Restitutions
open communication with the
person hurt and show that you
care. By asking: “What can I
do to make it right?” there is a
chance to recompense for the
hurt caused, and what may
have been lost as a result.
Genuine repentance.
Genuinely repenting shows that
you will make endeavours to not
repeat your actions. Because
words alone can be hollow,
empty, and meaningless, it
helps to exemplify the ways in
which you plan to change and
not repeat your wrongdoing.
An apology becomes more
sincere when you can provide
assurance that you do not
intend to repeat your mistake.
Genuine apologies
can have a positive
impact on your
self-esteem and
self-confidence
Request forgiveness. What’s
key is an awareness that it is a
choice that lies with the person
who has been hurt. Rather than
demanding forgiveness and
expecting it, it’s crucial to impart
an apology with humility and
openness.
put into practise
Building bridges, making
amends, putting it behind
us – isn’t it funny how all the
phrases we use around apologies
involve an action? When we ask
for forgiveness and admit our
wrongdoings with purpose and
insight, we’re actively making
a move towards a kinder,
more sympathetic, and honest
connection. We won’t say it’ll
always be easy, but when it
comes to nurturing relationships
it’s worth putting the effort into
the small things, because it’s
better safe than sorry.
Ruth Parchment is a psychotherapist
who specialises in CBT and helping
people connect with their value.
Find out more by heading to
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | 31
 “
When you can’t change
the direction of the
wind – adjust your sails
H JACKSON BROWN JR
Photography | Roberto Nickson

32 | happiful.com
 put into practise

The complete guide to

pregnancy anxiety
Is pregnancy anxiety normal? Will worrying affect my baby? We share
everything you need to know about experiencing pregnancy anxiety, and
explain how you can feel calmer and more in control

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

B
eneath the ‘pregnancy
glow’, the ‘exciting
times’, and the months of
planning and preparation,
there can be a whole host of
emotions you may not have
been expecting while pregnant
– including anxiety, stress,
worry, and fear. Whether you’re
a first-time mum who doesn’t
quite know what to expect, or
are already a parent who has
faced a tough past pregnancy or
birth, feeling apprehensive is
completely natural.
According to a study by King’s
College London released in
2018, one in four pregnant
women will experience a mental
health problem while they are
expecting. Of the 545 women
who were interviewed, 15% were
seen to be experiencing anxiety,
with a further 11% experiencing
depression.
When does anxiety
become a problem?
No matter what your journey
to becoming pregnant may
have involved, pregnancy
itself is a huge, life-changing
event – it’s only natural to feel
anxious, unsure, or scared at
times. Hormonal changes can
play havoc with your emotions,
which can lead you to feel even
more worried. And hearing
‘horror stories’ from friends
and family, can also exacerbate
apprehension.
While there’s no such thing as
a ‘normal’ level of anxiety (we all
experience worries to different
degrees), it’s natural to feel some >>>

happiful.com | 33

level of anxiety. But if you start to
feel anxious all of the time, your
worrying thoughts outweigh your
everyday thoughts, or you find your
anxiety is interfering with your day-
to-day life, you may benefit from
seeking support.
If you’re experiencing antenatal
or prenatal anxiety (anxiety while
you are pregnant), postnatal anxiety
(during the first year after your child
is born), or perinatal anxiety (anytime
from becoming pregnant to a year
after giving birth), it’s important
to speak with your GP, midwife,
or consultant about how you’re
feeling. They can help to assess your
symptoms and find out what will
work best for you, so that the feelings
are no longer overwhelming.
What support is available?
Depending on your individual
circumstances and what’s available
in your local area, there are many
Symptoms of anxiety can include:
• Fast breathing
• Sweating, dizziness, or nausea
• A rapid or irregular heartbeat
• Trouble sleeping or
concentrating
• Feeling irritable, restless, or
short-tempered
• Panic attacks
• Difficulty controlling or stopping
anxious thoughts
• Feeling on edge or anxious a
lot, or most of the time
34 | happiful.com
Having people you can rely on is
more important than ever, as you
start this new phase of your life
treatment options you could be
offered. According to the National
Institute for Health and Care
Excellence (NICE), you should be
offered talking therapies before
prescription medication.
Counselling for anxiety is one
of the most common forms
of treatment. By talking with
a therapist, you can uncover
specific triggers for your anxiety,
as well as coping techniques to
manage these feelings. Cognitive
behavioural therapy (CBT) is a
commonly recommended form
of talking therapy that can help
you recognise how your thoughts
affect your feelings and behaviour.
How can I manage
pregnancy anxiety?
There are a multitude of ways
you can try to manage feelings of
worry and anxiety, so it’s worth
exploring your options to discover
what works best for you – there’s
no right or wrong way to find help.
Develop your
support network
Having people you can rely on is
more important than ever, as you
start this new phase of your life.
If you have a partner, they can
be a key source of emotional
support – but it’s important to
make sure that they aren’t your
sole source of help. Having an
outside party you can turn to,
who isn’t experiencing the same
ups and downs, can help by
offering a different perspective.
•F
 riends and family can offer
a great deal of support. Being
open about how you’re feeling
can allow them to recognise
signs that you’re struggling,
and encourage them to reach
out without prompting.
•A
 ttending antenatal classes
can not only help you to
feel more prepared and
confident about your baby’s

birth, but also provides a great
opportunity to meet other soon-
to-be parents.
• There are numerous online
forums and groups you can
join for free. Facebook offers
local and general groups for
expecting and new parents,
while forums like Mumsnet
offer advice and support on
everything from conception to
dealing with teens (and all the
bits in between).
•A
 pps such as Peanut help like-
minded women chat, meet, and
learn from each other about
fertility and motherhood, while
Mush – the self-proclaimed
‘friendliest app for mums’ – can
help you to make local friends
with children the same age,
arrange meetups, and get advice.
Keep a diary
Regularly writing in a digital or
physical diary can help track
your feelings, record when
you’re feeling anxious, and begin
noticing patterns or triggers you
may have. Try to write down
when, what, and how you’re
feeling – this can help you to pick
up on not only what is causing
you the most anxiety, but also
to work out what helps you feel
calm and in control.
Open up with your employers
and colleagues
Not everyone may feel
comfortable with this, but having
a supportive work environment
can be key to enabling you to
feel calm and avoid overwhelm
at work. You’re already anxious
about so many things – with
an understanding boss and
colleagues, work doesn’t have to
be one of them.
You may not need to tell your
employer you are pregnant until
15 weeks before your due
date, but telling
them sooner may
reduce some of the
anxiety around taking
time off for antenatal
appointments, as well as
helping you to avoid any
worries around pregnancy
symptoms while at work,
such as morning sickness,
mood swings, or feelings of
overwhelm.
put into practise
Explore hypnobirthing for
labour fears, stress, pain,
and birth anxiety
The more tense, anxious, or
stressed you feel during labour,
the more likely you are to feel
pain as your body releases stress
hormones – such as adrenaline.
This can mean that blood is
pushed towards the bigger
muscle groups in your limbs as
your body prepares for ‘fight or
flight’, reducing blood and oxygen
to your womb, which can make
these muscles less efficient. As
you feel more stressed, your body
is also less likely to produce ‘love
hormones’, which can naturally
help ease the pain of labour.
Try to write down when, what, and
how you’re feeling – this can help
you to pick up on not only what is
causing you the most anxiety, but
also to work out what helps you
feel calm and in control.
Feeling calm, relaxed and in
control really is an important
part of preparing for giving birth!
Typically recommended to
begin around 25–30 weeks into
pregnancy, you can still benefit
from hypnobirthing classes
(in-person or online, as a group,
with your partner or solo) at any
point during your pregnancy. >>>
happiful.com | 35

Just learning some of the basic
techniques and premises can be
an immense help for anyone who
feels particularly anxious about
giving birth, or labour pain.
Hypnobirthing can help by:
– Teaching you self-hypnosis
techniques, visualisation, and
breathing exercises.
– Helping you to reframe giving
birth in a more positive light,
instead of focusing on what
could go wrong or anticipating
pain, by encouraging positive
language.
– Supporting you to gain a sense
of control, reduce anxiety, and
ease stress.
– I nforming you about ideal
positions to help shorten the
length of labour.
36 | happiful.com
For more support and information on
pregnancy anxiety and how to overcome it,
you can find a wealth of resources, articles,
and professionals on our Happiful app.
– Providing materials to
help you practise the
techniques at home.
Take a look at your diet
What you eat not only has
a big impact on how your
baby is growing, but can
also affect your mental
health. The more well-
rounded and nutrient-
rich your diet is, the more it can
improve your mood, increase your
energy levels, and even help you
think more clearly and with clarity.
“It’s not a widely known fact, but
certain foods can exacerbate anxiety
symptoms,” health nutritionist
Charlotte Turner explains. “I think
most people would understand
that caffeine may be a trigger
mechanism, as it heightens your
senses and heart rate.
“But the good news is that the
foods we eat can actually help
us feel calmer and happier, too.
Choosing foods that release
tryptophan, such as bananas,
turkey, and cashew nuts, can boost
the happy hormone serotonin.
Also, when we are stressed or
anxious, our bodies can become
depleted of certain vitamins and
other micronutrients that may need
to be rebalanced.
“If you want to learn a few tips and
tricks to give your body a real boost
to fight back against your anxiety,
then speaking to a nutritionist
who can help you understand
and advise you on foods to
consume based on your lifestyle
may give you the biggest chance
of success.”
If you’re worried about your
levels of anxiety, or are struggling
with any aspect of pregnancy
(regardless of your due date, or
whether you’ve recently given
birth), looking after your mental
health is vital. The Mental
Health Foundation estimates
around 50% of perinatal mental
health problems go untreated
or undetected, which can have
a devastating impact on you and
your family during a time when
you most need help. By reaching
out and getting help and support,
you can begin to turn feelings
of stress and anxiety back into
excitement and joy.
 Holiday to-do list
Essential ideas to celebrate the festive season

 atch your favourite classic

W  ear an ‘ugly’
W
Christmas movie Christmas jumper

Play a board game H

 ave a virtual Christmas
party and belt out some
 ake some winter-themed
B festive karaoke tunes
cookies
Embrace novelty socks
 njoy a hot chocolate, filled
E
to the brim with whipped L isten to your body and
cream and marshmallows what it needs

G
 o for a walk on a frosty  ut out some paper
C
morning snowflakes

W
 rite some heartfelt Build a gingerbread house
Christmas cards to loved
ones you’ve missed this year R
 ead a story from your
childhood
G
 et crafty and make your
own tree decorations S
 nuggle up on the sofa with
someone you love
Donate to a clothing bank
S
 pend some quality
Complete a puzzle time with you
Ask the experts

Hypnotherapist Howard Cooper answers your

questions on developing a positive mindset

Read more about Howard on

hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

Q
I know forward to a fresh New Year.
What did that positive feeling
Christmas won’t
tell you? Did it reveal anything
be the same about how 2020 was actually
this year, and it’s really going to pan out? No! Perhaps
getting me down. those feelings that ‘Christmas
How can I let go of my will be a let down’ aren’t also
expectations and enjoy entirely accurate.
the holiday season? Imagining your ideal festive
period, focusing on the past
be like that this year, is a
sure-fire way to set yourself
up for disappointment.
Essentially, what you’re doing
is getting caught up in a
mental narrative of what isn’t
happening.
Instead, try to experience
what is going on right now. Live
in the moment. What if the best

A Back in December 2019,

how did you feel about
2020? Positive, right? Looking
and what you loved most about
it before, and then ruminating
over all the reasons it can’t
present to give yourself this
Christmas is the gift of ‘being
present’?

Q I’m finding it hard feels. Now repeat this same
to focus on the exercise, but this time say to
yourself, “I’d like to relax.” Notice
positives right
the difference. Which of these
now. Do you have any experiences helped you to relax
exercises or suggestions more? The second one, right?
that could help? The “have to” and the “right
now”, probably felt like a demand
much less likely for relaxation to
occur). So what if you stopped
demanding that you must focus
on positives right now?
Perhaps letting go of the need
to be positive at the moment is
the thing that’s getting in your
way. Instead, explore the idea

A Stop, close your eyes, and

say to yourself, “I have to
relax right now.” Notice how that
you were placing on yourself,
which usually creates much more
tension in the body (making it
that even though “you’d like to
feel positive” you don’t always
have to be.

Hynotherapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

TOP TIPS FOR STAYING POSITIVE
1. Let go of demands. Is there
a universal law that says all
people have to be positive?
No! However, putting a lot of
pressure on yourself to always be
positive, ironically creates more
tension. Instead, accept that
feelings and thoughts come and
go without trying to control them.
Practising this mindset will lead
to much more internal peace.
2. The past doesn’t equal
the future. Often thoughts of
past failures colour one’s
perceptions of how we think
our future will unfold. But don’t
fall for this illusion. Seeing
mental images that we label
‘the past’ as ‘fleeting constructs
in our mind’ helps liberate you
from this trick.
3. Be kind to yourself. You don’t
have to climb Mount Everest,
solve ‘world peace’, or be
productive all the time. Cut
yourself some slack, and give
yourself permission for regular
mental downtime.
feel good
Q I need support
with my
mindset, and
hear good things
about hypnotherapy.
Can you tell me more
about how it helps?
A Have you ever had the
experience where someone
scrapes their fingernails down a
blackboard so that it makes that
sound? In fact, even just reading
that sentence probably gave you
a real squirmy feeling inside!
But what was that squirmy
response in relation to? It can’t
have been from a scraping
sound as it wasn’t really
happening. Instead, all that
happened was that when you
read the sentence, at some level
you imagined the blackboard
and fingernails interacting, and
became so absorbed in this
thought that you responded to it
as though it were real.
That is hypnosis – imagination
made so vivid that you have a
real response to it. Now, what if
you could learn to harness that
power, so you could get so good
at imagining success, happiness
and positivity that your body
responds to those instead?
 “
I can be changed by what
happens to me. But I
refuse to be reduced by it
MAYA ANGELOU

Photography | Oluwatobi Fasipe

40 | happiful.com
 true story

12 steps to recovery
From a destructive childhood, talking drugs, drinking, and gambling,
Jan tried countless treatments that all fell short. But with a new, warmer
approach, he finally allowed himself to be vulnerable and found
his way out of the negative spiral

Writing | Jan Willem Poot

F
rom a very dark period of my life, I turned
things around. When I was 12, I smoked
weed, started gambling, and by the age
of 18 I was using cocaine and drinking a
bottle of vodka a day. But following my recovery,
I put all my life lessons into practice, and am
now running the biggest youth clinic in Europe.
The rise of Yes We Can Youth Clinics has
everything to do with how I broke down in my
younger years. I come from a destructive family,
where there was chaos, fights, and alcohol abuse.
I was only nine years old when I started smoking
cigarettes and skipping school. Between the
ages of 10 and 12, my mom had a partner who
terrorised my family, drinking profusely, was
aggressive, and cursed all day.
It was horrible, but I didn’t do anything with
all those violent experiences – and nobody gave
me a reason to talk about it. That’s why, since
the age of 12, I mainly lived on the streets. I was
surrounded by people who had experienced
similar issues, and I got stuck in a downward
spiral. We kept each other in this bad situation.
Smoking weed and gambling: that seemed to be
the solution for me to not think about anything,
and to not have to feel anything.
When I hit puberty, my parents started to
see that things weren’t going well. They tried
everything, and in 1991 they sent me to a re-
education camp. At the end, my friends and I
were sent on a solo bivouac with money for food
and drinks. But of course, we ended up buying
cigarettes and alcohol instead.
This was also the time that school didn’t work
out. I was held back three times, and in the end
the school removed me. The next year, things
got so bad I needed mental healthcare, and
my search for change and answers began. This
search, which lasted nine years, consisted of
different treatments and hospitalisations, and I
saw and felt a lot of unsafe situations – including
drug abuse, fights, little-to-no connection with
therapists, and absolutely no love or warmth.
After my first admission to rehab, everything
went downhill. I was completely isolated for
two years, I used 24/7, my guilt doubled every
day, while my self-esteem decreased. I truly
hated myself and I pushed my boundaries. I was
lonely. Very lonely. I continuously thought about
taking my own life, and even my dad came by to
say farewell. After this, I couldn’t do anything. I
was emotionally and physically broken. >>>

happiful.com | 41

In 2004, when I was 27, I accidentally received
a note with a phone number to a helpline. I
decided to call, and for the first time a friendly
voice on the other end said: “It’s so brave that you
are calling. Are you able to come by tomorrow
morning? I’ll make sure you have a nice cup of
tea.” Because of this warm person, and the way she
treated me, I decided to give rehabilitation one last
try. That’s how I arrived in a clinic in Scotland. I
was extremely anxious. I couldn’t look people in the
eyes. I lied about everything. I was an enormous
‘people pleaser’, scared that other people would
harm me.
In Scotland, after more than nine years of different
mental healthcare services, and 20 psychiatrists,
psychologists, and God knows how many other
people, without any result, they realised they had
to do something different. So instead they pushed
me to connect, and overloaded me with attention
and warmth. I spoke with experienced experts, who
showed me their vulnerability. This gave me trust
to be vulnerable, too. Very slowly, I was able to truly
face myself and show my emotions. I felt warmth,
love, and safety, for the first time.
With the 12 Steps and the Minnesota Model, which
was the core of the treatment in Scotland, I learned
to acknowledge my problems and addictions, ask
42 | happiful.com
Left: Jan with his wife, Petra
for help, face my own bad behavior, show my
intention to work on this behavior, make amends
with those people to whom I caused pain, and
share my experience with others in need.
You can get off-track
sometimes, but by never giving
up and finding the right help,
there is always a solution
I’d been in the clinic from 16 November 2004
until 5 May 2005, and it was an incredible
journey – life changing, I can say. One of the most
important changes was forgiving the partner of
my mom. As an addict, I was manipulating and
cheating on people. I came to understand that
through this bad behavior, I actually became a
copy of him. Everything I blamed him for, I was
doing myself. The same pain and grudge I felt,
I saw in the people in my environment as well.
That was extremely confronting.

Below: Jan with Dutch Secretary of
State for Health, Paulus Blokhuis
After the treatment, I did my utmost to put
everything I had learned into practice. I went
to meetings four times a week, I searched for
a sponsor, and I followed the 12 Steps over and
over again. But above all, I wanted to spread the
love I had received, and to be thankful every day.
I learned that if you want to keep what you have
received, you need to give it away every single
day. And that’s why I started Yes We Can Youth
Clinics in 2011.
Nowadays, Yes We Can Youth Clinics is a
is a treatment centre in the Netherlands for
youngsters between the ages of 13 and 25 years
old, with mental health issues, addictions, and
behavioral problems. More than 5,000 young
people and their families have been treated, and
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Growing up, Jan had a difficult adolescence, with
a sometimes chaotic family background that was
often dangerous and violent. Feeling that there
was nowhere to turn, he ended up using addictive
behaviours to cope.
Though he tried many treatments, he found
it difficult to engage in his recovery until he
experienced the acceptance of a kind individual
true story
more than 330 caring colleagues are working on
the recovery of these youngsters and their families
each day.
I think that every child growing up deserves
a chance to live the best life they can. Very bad
things have often happened to the youngsters
arriving at Yes We Can Youth Clinics, and
sometimes they did bad things to others as well.
They took the wrong direction, because they didn’t
see a way out anymore. It is our responsibility to
bring those young people, with a full life ahead,
back on the (right) track.
With all the treatments I experienced myself, I
got to know what people need to find a way out. We
have found that our approach at Yes We Can Youth
Clinics is working; more than 70% of the fellows
leaving the clinic are not in need of specialised
mental healthcare anymore. That is something we
are very proud of!
You can get off-track sometimes, but by never
giving up and finding the right help, there is always
a solution. We pay it forward; that is what I truly
believe in, and that’s my mission now. Yes We Can!
from a helpline. This call led to his success in a
programme where he found the understanding
and vulnerability he needed to heal. This is
a crucial revelation: part of our
recovery is about finding the right
treatment for us. Now, he helps
others with their own recovery.
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor
happiful.com | 43
 The giver’s
holiday survival guide
Does the thought of Christmas put you on edge, as you start to
mentally list everything you have to do and consider? It may
be the season of giving, but that doesn’t mean you should burn
yourself out. Follow these tips to find balance this year

Writing | Helen Snape Illustrating | Rosan Magar

A
t this time of year,
there’s a lot of pressure
to make the holidays
a magical time for
everyone. We don’t want to let
anyone down, and yet wonder if
we’re going to get to the end of
the season needing another
holiday!
It can feel like you
are being pulled in
every direction – by
family expectations, the financial
pressure of finding perfect gifts,
making sure everyone is having a
good time, and finding it hard to
say ‘no’ to requests – and that can
quickly become overwhelming.
Here are some simple steps to
harnessing a sense of peace over
the holiday period.
Master ‘the pause’
If you find that you automatically
say ‘yes’ to any request, next
time someone asks you, inject a
pause. Breathe. This is enough
for your conscious mind to
recognise you have a choice.
In many cases, you don’t need
to give an instant reply. You can
let the pause become a delay by
saying something like: “I’ll get
back to you on that” or “I need
some further information from
you about that.” This gives you
time to check in with yourself
about what you really think and
feel, and how you actually want
to respond.
The automatic ‘yes’ often
comes from trying to avoid
feeling guilty when we say ‘no’.
You can handle that feeling,
and know you must take care of
yourself first.

Forget expectations
Other people will have
expectations, but you don’t have
to adhere to them. Even more
so, you may have burdensome
expectations for yourself. You
may over-commit yourself, or
expect that you won’t get angry

44 | happiful.com
Remember
to turn that
wonderful
attention that you
give to everyone else
towards yourself
with the same relative who
annoys you every year.
Expectations can set you up
for disappointment, so try to
re-frame them as preferences.
Instead of: “I expect to have a
phone call with my father on
Christmas Day” it becomes:
“I would prefer it if I had a
telephone call with my father on
Christmas Day.”
Ask for help
You may be used to helping
others, and yet feel you shouldn’t
have any needs, or that no one
wants to help. Most people do
want to help, but they may worry
that they’re interfering if they
offer, or figure that you will ask
if you need help. Remember
that other people can’t read your
mind, and if you need help,
please ask for it. There is a good
chance you will get the help you
need, and you won’t feel resentful
about having to do it all on your
own afterwards.
Put self-care at the
top of your list
Remember to turn that
wonderful attention you give to
everyone else towards yourself,
and to ask yourself every day:
‘What do I need?’ Then, make
sure you meet that need. It could
be rest, chatting with a friend,
going to bed on time, and so on.
This will help you to avoid
running on empty, and will
instead mean that when you do
give to others, it will be from a
place of fulfilment.
Take the good
and leave the rest
Enjoy your favourite
Christmas show that leaves
you feeling warm and fuzzy
inside. Even if the parsnips
are burnt, take pleasure in
the rest of the meal.
Maybe your family is
dysfunctional. You can still
feel touched by the conversation
you had with your mother about
her life growing up. You can still
enjoy witnessing your nephew
learning to walk.
You can look out at the sky, the
clouds, the stars. They are always
there for you. Sure, some things
won’t go to plan. But you can still
take the good from it all, and
leave the rest.
Helen Snape is a qualified coach,
mediator, and mentor. Get in touch with
her through lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | 45
Partnership feature

Happ iful loves...

Ponderlily

Photography | Georgia De Lotz

Thoughtfully designed, ethically
made, and quite frankly
beautiful, whatʼs not to love
about Ponderlilyʼs range of
planners and journals?
The team at Happiful already
have the 2021-ready gift-set (and
who isnʼt ready to say goodbye
to 2020?!), ruby red travelersʼ
journal, and smile-inducing
marigold weekly planner on our
Christmas lists.
Whatʼs more, we really love
Ponderlilyʼs ethos. They believe
that we should all make space
for meaning in our lives, and
take a little time out of each day
to focus on our own thoughts
and needs.
p o n d e r l i l y. c o m We couldnʼt agree more.

46 | happiful.com
 feeling festive

How to navigate
the holidays with
social anxiety
Whether it’s a face-to-face catch up (socially distanced, of course),
numerous phone calls, or another Zoom hangout, if the thought of social
gatherings over the festive period makes you uncomfortable, we’ve got six
essential tips to help you manage your social anxiety and sleigh all day

Writing | Katie Hoare Artwork | Charlotte Reynell

F
or anyone struggling with
social anxiety, Christmas
is often a time when the
festive cheer is replaced
with a heightened sense of fear.
And although the opportunities
to socialise may look a little
different this winter, it doesn’t
mean that feelings of social
anxiety will ease. Sometimes,
fewer people can actually mean
more pressure.
Social anxiety is an overwhelming,
persistent fear of social situations,
specifically relating to the fear of
being watched or judged, saying
the wrong thing or embarrassing
yourself. This mental health
condition can affect all areas of
your life – even your ability to
do everyday tasks. And, it is very
common.
As we enter the second full
lockdown in the UK, December
might look a little unpredictable.
But whether we’re able to meet
in small groups by Christmas, or
are socialising virtually, you can
still feel that pressure to push
the connect button on a video
chat, or attend a family meal. At
a time when there are multiple
friendship, work and family
groups to catch-up with, here’s
how you can navigate the festive
season with social anxiety. >>>

happiful.com | 47
 1 Enlist a confidante
Share your thoughts and
worries with a trusted
member of your family or
friends, someone you feel
comfortable with. If an event
gets too much, you’ll have
support in place to spot the
signs of your heightened
anxiety or the trigger, and
comfort you if needed. In
sharing your worries, you can
also manage your family’s
expectations of you.
According to charity
MQ, anxiety has
trebled in the UK
since 2008
2 Learn to say ‘no’
Knowing your boundaries is
important at Christmas, as
increased social interaction
and forced cheer can add
pressure to portray the ‘perfect
festive attitude’. But if a certain
social event is bothering you,
or there are too many events
going on, politely decline.
It’s perfectly acceptable not
to attend something, but be
mindful that you don’t fall
into a cycle of not attending
anything, feel guilty for
missing out, and then remain
disconnected all the time.
Take small steps to push your
boundaries, but be aware of
your triggers.
48 | happiful.com
3 Challenge your thoughts
On the flip side, learning to
identify and challenge real-
life examples of automatic
negative thoughts associated
with social environments,
can go a long way in
combatting social anxiety.
Take a recent situation
where you felt uncomfortable,
and break it down into
bite-size pieces. Identify the
specific negative thoughts you
had, and write them down.
Try to challenge a negative
thought and provide a
plausible alternative. For
example: “She was yawning
throughout our conversation.
That must mean I’m really
boring.” Instead, practise
replacing that thought
with the focus on the other
person: “She was yawning a
lot at the event, perhaps she
had a bad night’s sleep.”
4 Avoid the comparison trap
Christmas can be a
particularly difficult time if
you struggle with comparing
yourself to others. Party
dresses, presents, New Year
plans, and even festive food,
can add to a catalyst of low
self-confidence and anxiety.
It’s easier said than done,
but be gentle with yourself. If
you’re in the presence of other
people (be it virtual or other
means), you’ve already taken
a big step forward, and that’s
worth celebrating.
 feeling festive

Social anxiety
is believed to
affect one in
10 people

5 Switch to an external focus

When specific events or
situations arise that enhance
your anxiety, try to focus on
the people around you, and
really listen to what they’re
saying. This will help your
physical signs of anxiety to
settle, and encourage you to
tune out of negative thoughts.
If you’re constantly focusing
on your body betraying your
nervousness, the obsessive
concentration will further
fuel your anxiety. You can’t
pay attention to two things
at once, so try to switch to an
external focus.

6 Plan ‘you-time’
As with any part of life, ‘you-
time’ is particularly important
to rebalance, de-stress, and
spend some time doing the
things you enjoy as just you, as
opposed to ‘we’. Our everyday
routine is often disrupted at
Christmas, so ensure you have
some uninterrupted time, and
a space where you can retreat,
to ensure you reconnect with
yourself and your needs.

happiful.com | 49
 “
Where there is no struggle,
there is no strength
OPRAH WINFREY
Photography | Rustem Baltiyev

50 | happiful.com
 Happiful reads...
From saving money to changing the world, we share four
upcoming books you won’t want to miss
W
ith the holiday season
rapidly approaching,
we could all do with
a few hints and tips to help us
save money without feeling
like we’re missing out. Bargain-
hunter, mum, and founder of the
Extreme Couponing and Bargains
UK Facebook group, Holly Smith,
has cut thousands of pounds
from her shopping and bills
each year. Known for sharing
her advice, hints, and tips across
Must reads
The Hand
and Flowers
Cookbook
by Tom
Kerridge
Out now
The first
and
only pub in the world to be
awarded two Michelin stars,
Tom Kerridge’s The Hand
& Flowers is known for its
innovative, sophisticated, and
masterfully reinvented British
classics. Sharing 70 of the
best dishes to have appeared
on the menu, this cookbook
celebrates the best of British
like never before.
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram,
Holly has been helping people
save and make money using
simple but life-changing ideas.
For the first time in print,
Holly shares both her and
her community’s top money-
saving hacks to help with costly
moments in our lives – from
little everyday expenses during
supermarket shops, right through
to big special occasions such
as Christmas, New Year, and
Visible
Mending
by Arounna
Khounnoraj
Out now
We all have
that favourite
piece in our
wardrobe that, no matter how
worn it might be, we just can’t
bear to part with. Discover how
to reinvigorate your existing
wardrobe through repairs, new
decorations, re-purposing and
reusing. Providing a step-by-
step guide with illustrations,
learn mending techniques that
can give old favourites a fresh,
modern look.
Holly Smith’s
Money Saving Book
by Holly Smith
Out now
wedding planning. Learn fun and
simple ways to start saving, find
bargains, and make your money go
further – regardless of your budget.
One Hundred
Steps: The
Story of
Captain Sir
Tom Moore by
Captain Tom
Moore
Out now
Filled with adventure, family,
and the power of never giving
up, this illustrated book shares
the inspirational story of
Captain Sir Tom Moore and
what can be achieved when we
work together. This new picture
book shares the story of the
veteran who walked 100 laps
of his garden and captured the
hearts of a nation.
happiful.com | 51
 Kenny Ethan Jones:
L i v i n g m y t r u t h
He made history by becoming the first trans man to front a period campaign and,
since then, the only way is up for activist Kenny Ethan Jones as he tackles topics from
body politics to mental health, all with his signature dose of candid authenticity.
Here, we find out more about the journey that led him to where he is today

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Hi Kenny! When we spoke in May
2020, you said that mental health
mattered to you because it’s a
universal experience. That stuck
with me, what did you mean by
that? We’re all humans, right? And
we all differ in moods. So that’s my
classification of mental health. It’s
something that we all experience
in our own way, but we can all
relate to feeling extremely happy
or feeling low.
When I was younger, I didn’t
understand. I just thought, “Oh,
these things are happening,
emotions are happening,” there
wasn’t a word. I think about my
parents and the way they were
raised, there wasn’t any discussion
of mental health. But we’ve moved
to a place where this generation is
so much more aware.
When did you first start having
conversations about mental
health? I would say around
the same time that I started to
experience body dysmorphia. I
began to realise that how I felt
towards my body was affecting
the way that I carried myself on a
day-to-day basis. I was probably
around 11 years old.
I understood that there was
something else going on, but as a
kid – mental health, what’s that?
It’s only when you start to have
grown up conversations, where
you talk to people about what’s
actually going on inside, that you
start to understand that there’s
a lot more going on than you
thought.
When you began having those
conversations, how did people
react? People just didn’t get it.
You’re talking maybe 16 years
ago, people weren’t really aware
of what being transgender was.
Some people would be quite
positive and others would just
totally dismiss how I was feeling.
It boarded up my feelings, and I
only started to have those deeper
conversations with people that I
really trusted.

52 | happiful.com
 culture

I don’t want somebody else

to grow up like how I did, it
shouldn’t be that way

I had a smaller platform, it was

very much trans guys, probably
about five years younger than
me, reaching out, saying, “I’m
so grateful to have you there as
a role model.” But now my page
has become more established as
a resource for parents, teachers,
and doctors.

Do you think things are different
for young trans kids today? Yes.
100%. Some of the most common
DMs that I get on social media
are from parents of trans kids
– they’re so much more aware
now of how their children feel.
I’ll have conversations with a
mother, and she will tell me the
conversations that they’ve had
with their child about how they
feel around their gender, and
how that translates into their
day-to-day life. It’s really wild
that those conversations are
happening now.
It speaks volumes that it’s
parents reaching out as well,
and not just the individuals
themselves.
I would say I probably get
messages from parents or
teachers more so than I do actual
trans people. I think that when
Did you have role models when
you were growing up? Not who
were trans, no. I’d never seen
anybody close enough to me
to be, like, that feels like me.
Even to this day, I would say that
there’s a lot more trans women
in the media than trans men.
I’ve tried to become my own role
model if I’m honest. I was just
like, right, no one’s going to do it
for me! >>>

happiful.com | 53
 For more from Kenny, follow him
on Instagram @kennyethanjones
As I got older, I held that really
close to my heart and thought I
don’t want somebody else to
grow up like I did, it shouldn’t
be that way.
Thinking back over those
formative years, is there a
standout moment where someone
did something supportive or
empowering for you? I can’t say
one particular moment, but I can
say one particular person, and
it has to be my mum. She was
my number one support, hands
down. The first time we had a
conversation about me being trans
was basically me coming home
one day and spewing out how
I felt. I basically said that I was
attracted to women. So my mum
turned around and was, like, “Oh,
so you’re a lesbian?” And I was,
like, “No, it’s a bit more than that.”
[Laughs] And we dived into it a
bit more, and literally after that
conversation she turned around
and said to me: “I think we should
go to the doctor. I want you to talk
to somebody else and get a second
opinion on this, and I want you to
be happy, and it doesn’t sound like
you’re happy. So let’s work on that.”
Our relationship was full of
moments like that, where I was
lost and wanted to feel whole, and
she was holding my hand. She did
that through my entire childhood,
up until the day she died.
54 | happiful.com
Your activism is based so much
around your own experiences.
Do you feel the need to ever
put up certain boundaries
because of that? It’s funny
because when I first became an
activist, I was, like, “I’ll talk about
anything. I don’t care. Ask me
anything, it’s fine.” And I had to
build tough skin around people
asking questions in a way that
wasn’t sensitive. But by the time
I discuss something with the
internet, I’m usually at a place
where I can talk about it without
being emotional. But on certain
topics – for instance when I talk
about my mum, she passed away
three years ago – I give myself
the space afterwards to be upset.
However I’m going to feel after
talking about something, I allow
myself the space to really feel it.
What Kenny’s reading
Women Don’t Owe You
Pretty by Florence Given
Trans Power: Own Your
Gender by Juno Roche
Quit Like a Woman: The
Radical Choice to Not Drink
in a Culture Obsessed with
Alcohol by Holly Whitaker
If I were to take a quick scroll
Photographer | Muffadal Abbas, Stylist | Paolo Casseb, Grooming | David Lawrence
through your Instagram, I could
find hundreds of messages from
people, saying how your work
has helped them. How does that
make you feel? It’s like a light
to my soul. Honestly. There’s
something so special about
knowing that you’ve helped,
even if it’s just informing people
who aren’t trans on how to better
help trans people. A lot of the
discrimination that happens to
trans people is just on the basis
that they’ve never met a trans
person. But now when they meet
a trans person, they’re going to
be equipped to understand their
journey. And it’s something I hold
on to daily through times when
it’s hard to be an activist. This is
why I keep going back, because
of this. This has changed.
 How to say ‘no’
When you’re overwhelmed, and just cannot
deal with one more request – regardless of the size –
here are some polite ways to express yourself…

I’m actually busy

Thank you for the then, but I’d love
opportunity, but to next time. Let
I’m afraid I can’t me know then!
help with that.
The timing isn’t
great right now –
can we raincheck?

I’m taking a step back for my

mental health at the moment,
so I’ll have to decline.

That doesn’t Thank you for

work for me, but thinking of me.
perhaps we could I’m unable to take
look at that next on anything more
week instead? right now though...

I love the sound of that –

unfortunately I’m not available,
but let me know how it goes.
 Festive
favourites
Satisfy your sweet tooth with two healthy
options for a winter feast
T
he holiday season is often
abundant with chocolate,
treats, and plenty of sugary
snacks. Personally, I find
the sugar headaches kick in around
mid-December, and all thoughts of
a balanced meal go out the window.
But not this year – it’s possible to
enjoy those festive flavours without
sacrificing your nutrition.
VEGAN MINCE PIES
Makes 12
Ingredients
• 25g vegan butter or nut butter
• 1 50g vegan fruit-based
mincemeat (apple or pear)
• 100g figs, chopped
• 100g dates, chopped
• 2 tsp cornflour
• 6 sheets vegan/dairy-free
filo pastry
Optional
• 2 00ml coconut whipping cream,
chilled overnight in the fridge
1. Preheat the oven to 200ºC.
Take the coconut cream out of
56 | happiful.com
Writing | Katie Hoare
For me, the holidays wouldn’t be
complete without spicy mulled
wine warming on the stove, and
homemade gingerbread cooling on
the side. So this spicy gingerbread
oat cookie recipe is perfect for
satisfying your sweet tooth, and
setting the mood for the festivities.
And some will say it isn’t
Christmas without a mince
the fridge and set aside for 10
minutes. Grease a 12-cup bun/
muffin tin with the butter.
2. In a bowl, combine the
mincemeat with the figs, dates,
and cornflower, stirring until
the cornflour has dissolved.
3. Melt a teaspoon of butter. Place
a sheet of pastry on the worktop
and brush with the melted
butter. Lay another sheet on top
and brush again. Repeat once
more. Cut the layered pastry
into 12 circles using a cutter and
lay each piece into a cup of the
tin. Press gently into place.
4. Next, spoon the mincemeat
mixture equally into the pastry-
lined cups.
a
Find onist
iti he
nutr ou on t p
ry p
nea ppiful a
Ha
pie, while others loathe the
traditional treats (who, I don’t
know!). So we’ve whipped up an
alternative recipe to cater for
all dietary needs, with a unique
blend of rich fruit and classic
ingredients.
Turn up the Bublé, and enjoy
filling your home with the sweet
scent of Christmas.
5. Brush the remaining pastry
sheets and gently tear each
sheet into roughly 6 pieces.
Crinkle the pieces of pastry on
top of each mince pie.
6. Bake for 20 minutes, or until
golden-brown and crisp.
7. If using, make the whipping
cream. Discard the coconut
water and place the hardened
cream in a mixing bowl. Whisk
for about 30 seconds until
smooth and creamy.
8. Remove the pies from the oven
and allow to cool on a wire rack.
Once cooled, place a dollop of
coconut cream on the top, and
serve with a warming cup of
mulled wine!

SPICY GINGERBREAD
OAT COOKIES
Makes 20
Ingredients
• 1 00g whole wheat pastry flour,
plus extra for dusting
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
•½  tsp ground cloves
•A  pinch of salt
• 1 egg
• 1 00g nut butter (hazelnut/walnut)
• 1 00g porridge oats
• 5 0g walnuts, chopped
Method
1. Preheat the oven to 180ºC and
line two baking trays with
parchment.
2. In a bowl, combine the flour,
baking soda, spices and salt, and
set aside.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk
together the egg and nut
butter. Once mixed, slowly
fold in the oats and chopped
walnuts.
4. Combine both bowls and mix
until a dough-like consistency.
Tip the dough out and knead
briefly before placing in the
fridge covered, for 15 minutes.
5. Lightly dust the worktop with
flour, and roll out the dough
to 1cm in thickness. Cut the
dough with a cookie cutter
and place on a baking tray,
leaving small gaps between the
cookies.
6. Bake for 10–12 minutes or
until lightly golden.
7. Remove from the oven and
leave for 10 minutes, then
transfer to the cooling rack.
When cooled, decorate if you’d
like. Enjoy!
feeling festive
OUR EXPERT SAYS…
Vegan mince pies
This recipe doesn’t contain any
processed sugars (only natural
sugars from the fruits) and has a
variety of different vitamins and
minerals. It’s a good source of
vitamin E, an antioxidant which
fights free radicals, and protects
our cells from oxidative stress.
Figs contain fibre, a nutrient
which is important to have in our
diets daily – aim for 25 to 30g per
day – as fibre brings satiation and
improves digestion.
Spicy gingerbread oat cookies
These cookies are a nutrient-
dense, dairy-free alternative if
you want a nutritious dessert –
and are suitable for those who are
lactose-intolerant. They contain
zinc, iron, B complex, vitamin E,
potassium, calcium, phosphorus,
magnesium, and selenium –
all necessary nutrients for the
body’s immunity and correct
functioning.
It also contains the ‘good’ fats
– omega 3 and six fatty acids
– which help in the reduction
of LDL (bad cholesterol), and
the increase of HDL (good
cholesterol). Focus on foods
which are lower in saturated fats
and sugars and which contain a
good amount of fibre and protein.
Anna-Maria Volanaki is a sports
nutritionist, sports scientist, and
former athlete specialising in
encouraging people to follow
healthy diets, active lifestyles,
and positive psychology.
happiful.com | 57
 How to build
emotional
intelligence
Learning to tune-in to our own and others’
emotions can unlock a whole new level of
wellbeing. Here’s how to do it
Writing | Dawn Mitchell Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
E
motional intelligence
(EI) is the ability to
accurately notice your own
emotions, and manage
them effectively. It’s also our
ability to notice and respond
to the emotions of others. EI is
related to the neuroplasticity of
our brain, which means we can
develop it and, with continuous
practise, we can create changes
and make connections that
enable us to become more in-
tune with ourselves and others.
So how can we build our EI? Here
are five tips to get you started.
1. Stay curious
It’s all too easy to be judgemental
about our own thoughts and
feelings, as well as those of
others. Do you tell yourself:
‘I shouldn’t feel like this’?
Try to notice this and, rather
than being your own harshest
critic, be curious about what
58 | happiful.com
you are feeling and why. With
others, sometimes we react to
behaviours rather than stopping
to think about the emotion
behind the behaviour. A simple
example would be, your partner
comes home from work and
slams the door – you may get mad
at the slam rather than thinking
about why the behaviour is
there. Perhaps they’ve had some
bad news during the day or felt
frustrated? If we stay curious, we
ask what’s happened to cause that
behaviour rather than judging it.
2. Name emotions
Once you get curious, you might
start to notice more emotions.
The debate remains around
how many emotions there are,
ranging from four, to 27, to
infinite! Being able to increase
the range of emotions we can
recognise expands our EI. So one
day you might think to yourself:
‘I feel rubbish today.’ ‘Rubbish’
isn’t an emotion, but when you
notice this and get curious, you
might realise that actually you
feel disappointed your friend
cancelled your lunch meet-
up, and now you feel lonely as
you’ve not spoken to anyone this
afternoon. Naming emotions in
this way is EI.
3. Sit with emotions
Sometimes, when we don’t
consciously identify emotions,
we respond unconsciously – a
common reaction is to numb
it out. This can be done in
many ways – alcohol, drugs,
overworking, gaming. But if
you begin to recognise these
emotions, you can do something
to deal with the root cause. For
example, you recognise you
feel lonely, so you call a friend
or family member to get that
connection, which is the antidote
to loneliness – as opposed to
binge-watching a new box set.
A note on emotional numbing:
you can’t selectively numb,
if you numb the negative
emotions – grief, heartbreak,
disappointment – then you
automatically numb the positive
emotions – happiness, love,
belonging – which can lead to
a void of emotion. This is not a
good place to be for us, as we are
hard-wired for connection.
4. Create empathy
Once we have become more
aware of our own emotions, it’s
 emotions

Anxious: feeling Lethargic:

worried or uneasy
about something
tired and
apathetic
If you begin to recognise
emotions, you can do
Love: a strong sense something to deal with
of attachment
the root cause
Fearful: an
unpleasant feeling more than likely you’ll start to
caused by the threat notice emotions in others also.
of danger, pain,
Being able to recognise and
or harm
name emotions in others can be
Interested: paying
a game-changer when it comes
special attention
to building authentic, trusting,
to something or
relationships at home and work.
someone
n s Seeing beyond behaviour and

otio into emotion can allow people

g em to feel seen and understood.

min
You can’t presume to know
Na s e nse how another person is feeling.

i t e d: a m and In fact, one of the best ways to

s
Exc thusia ss
disconnect with someone is to
n ne say: “I know exactly how you
of e eager feel.” We can never know this,
as every situation is experienced
differently, but we might notice
how we feel when someone tells
Joyous: great us something. “That makes me
delight or feel sad, is that how you felt?”
happiness
shows that you are recognising
Envious: feeling the presence of emotion.
inferior or lacking in
quality, achievement, or
Sad: emotional pain 5. Reflecting on emotion
possession, compared to
associated with someone else When we get hooked by an
loss, despair, grief, emotion, it can be difficult to
helplessness, or practise curiosity and naming
disappointment
Satisfied:
emotions. So to build EI it can be
experiencing helpful to reflect on your day,
pleasure when you and writing it down has a
do or get something stronger evidence base than just
Amused: finding that you want thinking about it. Realise where
something funny or needed
you got hooked on an emotion
and name it. With practice you
can become better at noticing
Nostalgic: thinking
fondly of the past the emotion come up before it
overwhelms you.

happiful.com | 59
 feel good

Heroes of hope
Out of incredibly trying times this year have come moments of hope, kindness, and
inspiration. Here, we celebrate just some of the people who have stepped up to support
others, and ask them what lessons they’re taking with them as we look forward to the future

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar

H
ave a think back over
the past year. No doubt,
you’ll be able to conjure
up countless examples
of selflessness and heroism that
have inspired you. That said, a
survey from Totaljobs saw, in the
past six months, three in five key
workers disclose that they felt
undeserving of the title ‘hero’.
If that finding tells us anything,
it’s that perhaps it’s time we re-
evaluate what we mean by ‘hero’.
Because in the world that we
live in, heroes don’t wear capes.
Heroes are the everyday people
who go out of their way to support
those around them – through
personal challenges, and at the
risk of their own wellbeing.
From the bus driver who united
the city, to the engineer who
used his daily exercise to deliver
face shields, and the mother and
daughter who made sandwiches
for local NHS crews, be touched
by these stories, and leave
knowing that with hope, kindness,
and community, we can achieve
more than we could ever dream.

Every
7 secon
d
Susannah Fenton: Lending an ear “I learned what a a Sama s
ritan
Just one week into lockdown, brilliant bunch of people answer
s a ca
Susannah took over as the new we have, for help ll
director of the Herts and Essex prepared
branch of Samaritans, in Ware. to come in
Overseeing 170 volunteers sharing night and
24/7 shifts on the phone, webchat, day in the
and over email, Susannah had her pandemic
work cut out for her. for callers,”
“We were quickly given the she continues.
green light to operate as ‘essential “Some who
S u s a n n a h

workers’,” Susannah explains. couldn’t come

“We altered shift times, changed in helped from
how we ran our duty room, home, volunteering
adopted vigorous cleaning for the NHS. The
protocols, suspended outreach dedication shown by
and fundraising events, and found everyone has made
alternative ways to keep volunteers me very proud of our
in touch with one another. wonderful team.”

happiful.com | 61
 50
sa nd wiches Euna Kang: Café owner feeding Redhill ambulance crew, St
delivere
d E u n a
a week cal
the heart of the community Peter’s hospital, Epsom hospital,
to the lo March was tough for Euna. Not and some local elderly people,
lance
ambu only did she have to close her café three times a week.”
serv e
ic
in Effingham, Surrey – named In total, Euna counts nearly 350
Layla’s after her nine-year- meals delivered.
old daughter – but as a Throughout lockdown, Euna
cancer patient, she had offered the closed café up
was categorised as a as a community store, to sell
vulnerable person. essential goods for elderly and
However, none of vulnerable people. When that
that stopped her came to an end, and Layla’s was
from deciding to opened again, Euna had the full
take action. support of the community.
“Layla and I “You do good things without
decided to make expecting anything, but it’s
sandwiches, cakes, karma,” she says. “This is
and food to show our what we’ve learned from the
gratitude to the NHS,” experience. We can’t change this
says Euna. “We delivered them to situation, but we can adapt and
Leatherhead ambulance centre, share what we’ve got.”

Zita Newcome and Claire Ross- that everyone could enjoy the
Masson: The joy of song power of song. Z i t a &
Lockdown has been a very “We’ve learnt C l a i r e
confusing and difficult time for how isolating it is
young children, who may not truly to be in your own
understand what is happening. bubble,” says
That’s where Zita and Claire Zita. “It makes
come in – the two person team you realise how
behind Teddies Music Club, an important it is to
independent singing group for take care of your
pre-school children and their mental health,
grown-ups. and how
Zita and Claire had been important it
recording music videos for the is to reach
last couple of years and, when out to
lockdown began, not only did people.”
they send these out to Teddies
families, but they also offered >>>
them for free nationwide – so

62 | happiful.com

B e n
0
100,00 s
ield
face sh the
or
made f
NHS
Louise Pipes: There for families
A family support practitioner
at St Giles special school in
Derby, where her role involves
identifying when families may
need more support, Louise
is used to working alongside
parents and children in her
community. But while her school
closed in March, her work
continued.
Louise called parents two or
three times a week, and organised
supermarket shopping runs to
gather essentials for families who
were in need. But that’s not all,
with the help of her colleagues,
Louise also collected prescriptions
for those who were isolating, and
Ben May: For the front line
When Ben’s work as a
prototype engineer came
to a complete halt in
March, his first thought
was that he could’t stand
by and watch NHS workers
putting themselves at
risk. So he teamed up
with two colleagues,
Dean Carran and Si
Freedman, to create
safe, fully-approved
face shields, by setting
up their non-
profit company:
Protecting
Heroes.
Their work
was non-stop, with Ben
and a group of friends using
offered resources to help
children with routines.
Reflecting on her
lockdown experience,
Louise says: “I have
personally learned from
this experience that
the only things that are
important are our health,
wellbeing, and the love of
those around you.”
I have personally learned
from this experience that the
only things that are important
are our health, wellbeing, and
the love of those around you
feel good
their daily exercise to deliver
prototypes to surgeons working
on Covid-19 wards around
London.
Ben received help from the
National Physics Laboratory in
Teddington, manufacturers across
the UK from Gateshead to Kent,
and 245 ordinary people who
donated to the crowdfunder. To
date, they have created more than
100,000 face shields for the NHS.
Ben says: “The point is, while
the idea was mine, the execution
was enabled by a massive
network of people. It’s a whole lot
easier to achieve the impossible
if you do it for reasons that
others can get behind, because
the power of community is
absolutely immense.”
L o u i s e
happiful.com | 63
 Andrew Pattison: called to headquarters to form

A n d r e w
First on the case a ‘command hub’, to support
A paramedic and the crews out on the road. To
senior operations do this, Andrew did a 100-mile
manager for South round trip to HQ every day.
East Coast Ambulance “Doing the job that we do in
Service, Andrew bears the emergency services, we
a huge amount of are resilient,” Andrew says
responsibility. At the as he reflects on what he has
same time as attending learned during this time. “Work
emergencies to treat is important. At the end of the
patients, he also liaises day, without work you can’t put
with hospitals to assess food on the table. But it’s also
how they can work important to have your family
together to offer the time, and live life to the best, as
best care possible. it is far too short.”
At the start of the
pandemic, Andrew was
one of seven managers

I will never forget the

love that was shown to
the NHS by the British
Ali Harris: On the front line to be recognised in the Story public, it helped to
“When I first heard about Terrace Unsung Heroes book, a carry me through
Covid-19, I was so scared, I well-deserved accolade.
thought I would run away,” Ali, an “Has Covid-19 changed me?
ITU senior operating department Honestly, I am
practitioner, says, as she reflects not sure that it A l i
on the year. “But as it got closer, has,” says Ali.
I put on my PPE and, standing “What it has
shoulder-to-shoulder with my done is reaffirm
colleagues, I walked towards it.” the love that
Ali says that, throughout this I have for my
time, an “overwhelming feeling family and
of care” took over her, and never friends. I will
once dwindled. She worked never forget
through difficult personal times, the love that
on the ward on the anniversary of was shown to
her mother passing away – and, the NHS by the
on her day off, she ran 21km to British public
raise money for blood cancer – it helped
charity Bloodwise. All this hasn’t to carry me
gone unnoticed, and Ali is due through.”

64 | happiful.com
 feel good

Moe Manir: Planning is no doubt that Moe’s

a safer route self-motivated initiative
As a bus driver and trade union led to many lives being
safety activist, Moe was never saved.
going to be satisfied to sit “I hope that I have
back and watch the struggles made my dad
of his colleagues. He set up proud,” says
a Facebook group to bring Moe. “He worked
together London bus drivers, tirelessly to help
so that they had a space to the community.
share their experiences, offer He became Mayor
reassurance, and exchange tips. of Tower Hamlets,
These groups allowed Moe to where I grew up. I am
keep on top of the latest safety the only son among
challenges and requirements, six sisters, and one of
all of which he fed back to my younger sisters,
employers, leading to steps Apsana Begum, is now
being taken to better protect an MP. We learned
drivers and passengers. about the road my
Also recognised by Story father took, and we’ve
M o e
Terrace as an Unsung Hero, there followed it.”

Z o e Zoe Stothard: development, and was there

Constructing a safer when her site was closed at the
workplace start of lockdown. After a few
Even before lockdown, weeks, they were able to open
Zoe was going above and again, with measures in place
beyond in her role as to make sure that everyone was
senior site manager for safe, including a ‘Covid Marshal’
David Wilson Homes, who oversaw all guidance.
going on to win the Pride “I interact with many different
in Job Quality award people, whether it’s tradesmen,
four years in a row – customers, or office staff, and it
becoming an advocate for has been amazing how everyone
women in construction. has opened up and wants to talk
As part of her role, about this strange time,” says
Zoe is in charge of all Zoe. “I will always remember
safety, health, and that, no matter how busy we get,
environmental there’s always time to ask how
aspects of the people are doing.”

happiful.com | 65
 Mad
e wit
Five h lov
hand
for yo m
ur
a de gi
ft id
e
loved eas
ones
Writin
g | Be
cky W
right

Y
ou don’t have to splash
the cash and spend a
fortune on presents to
show loved ones just how
much they mean to you. Here are
some ideas to help you get creative
and make something meaningful
to put under the tree this year.

Map magnets
International travel might be off
the cards for a while, but you can
keep the dream alive with these
sweet magnets.
You could choose places you’ve
been with your loved one, or
places that are on their travel
bucket list.
You’ll need:
• Clear, round glass pebbles
• Magnets
• Mod Podge (or similar glue) and
a paintbrush
• Maps to cut up
• Hot glue gun
Simply choose the destination
of your dreams, cut it to size, and
glue it to the pebble. Let it dry,
then use a hot glue gun to attach a
magnet to the back.
Sugar hand scrub
After the ‘year of hand washing’,
your hands could probably do
with some extra TLC. So, why
not put together a little jar filled
with a sweet smelling hand
scrub? Simply mix the ingredients
together to your preferred
quantities, and your loved one will
be rubbing their mitts in glee.
You’ll need:
• Sugar (white or brown)
• Coconut oil
• Your chosen scent. We love
ground cinnamon and vanilla
extract, but you could use
peppermint essential oil, or
something else of your choosing.
• An airtight container

66 | happiful.com

Essential oil perfume
You can make a wonderfully
unique scent for your loved one –
no one will be wearing the same
perfume!
You’ll need:
• 5 or 10ml roller bottle
• 2 or 3 essential oils, e.g. ylang
ylang, grapefruit, lavender, or
vanilla. You can find guides online
that tell you which scents go best
together
• An unscented carrier oil, e.g.
almond or coconut oil
• Dried flowers like edible rose
petals or lavender
 ake the rollerball off of the bottle.
T think of happy times with you.
In the container, combine 10 or
fewer drops of your essential oils.
Remember, you can always add
more, so start slowly. Swirl the oils
in the glass together to combine the
fragrances.
When applying directly to your
skin, essential oils should always be
diluted, so add your carrier oil and
any dried/decorative flowers you
might want. Fill with the carrier oil
until you reach the top.
‘Reasons why I love you’ jar
Fill a large mason jar with hand
written and sentimental notes for
your loved one.
Use the following prompts to
inspire you:
• Reasons why I love you…
• Remember when…
• Quotes/lyrics…
• You/we have to do this…
You could fill it with 52 notes (one
for every week of the year) or, if
feeling festive
you’re feeling ambitious, you
could aim for daily memos with
365. Tell them to pull out a note
any time they’re feeling down – to
cheer them up and to make them
Create (and bake) your own
food hamper
If your loved one’s a bit of a foodie,
the best kind of present might be
one that speaks to their stomach.
Putting together a personalised
food hamper means you can
choose a few of their favourite
sweet or savoury foods.
If they’ve got a favourite dish
– something they always order
when eating out – you could buy
a few of the key ingredients, and
make them their own step-by-step
recipe card. You’ll find lots of great
templates on canva.com that you
can edit, download, and print.
To make it even more personal,
you could give them something
you’ve cooked or baked. Some
Christmas cookies would be great
for someone with a sweet tooth
(check out our recipe on p56), or
a chutney (to go alongside some
cheese) is a great choice for a
savoury snacker.
happiful.com | 67
 AD TBC

“
It is only in our darkest hours that
we may discover the true strength of
the brilliant light within ourselves
that can never, ever, be dimmed
DOE ZANTAMATA
Photography | Andreea Pop

68 | happiful.com
 true story

I never let my hearing

loss hold me back
From being thrown into the spotlight against her own wishes, and feeling
like she didn’t fit in, Karin realised she could create a world without
limitations. Here, she shares her personal journey of embracing
hearing loss, and finding her purpose
Writing | Karin Weiser

C
“ an you hear what I’m saying?”
“Yes!” I beam with pride. Finally, after
a cochlear implant in 2017, this is my
default response. But it hasn’t always
been this way.
My hearing loss was discovered at the age of
15. The initial diagnosis, in the mid 80s with no
explanation, concluded: “There’s nothing we can
do. Go away and get on with it.”
This phrase defined my life. And I went away
and got on with it. But I worked extra hard
to prove to the world I could, and would, do
whatever I chose to.
I went on to travel the world, teach English as a
foreign language abroad, learn three European
languages, and enjoy an international corporate
career in communications, and learning and
development. Communication is at the centre
of everything I do. And as an extrovert, I seek
company rather than avoid it.
Being different is painful – this is something
I’ve learnt over the years. Being different due
to hearing loss means you never fully fit in –
whether it’s because you don’t laugh at a joke,
can’t follow a conversation, or simply miss out on
information. Every day.
I grew up disliking attention. I would rather
be in the audience than on the stage. When
you are thrown into the limelight because
of a disability, it feels uncomfortable. It’s the
wrong kind of attention. It’s something you
cannot control or even change. It’s a never-
ending embarrassment on the journey to self-
acceptance.
As my audiologist reminded me, you are the
first person to notice when your sight declines.
However, others notice before you do when you
suffer from hearing loss. There’s no hiding.
Living with hearing loss and speaking a
foreign language on a daily basis is double
trouble. The fine line between understanding
and hearing merge into a grey zone. Is it a
linguistic issue, or hearing loss challenge?
An invisible disability means you have to
work twice as hard to tell the world what you
need, even when you don’t know what that is.
And sometimes your baggage just weighs you
down. Over the years, people have told me
they thought I was stuck up because I “used to
ignore” them, or asked why I looked at them
so intensely – it’s called lipreading – or seemed
confused when I didn’t respond to a question. >>>

happiful.com | 69
 Karin lives with hearing loss, and works as an
international business coach and copywriter. She
offers coaching to support other hearing-impaired
individuals who need to build self-coping strategies.
Learn more at karinweiser.com

Being open and honest has sometimes meant

all eyes are on my ears – literally! At least until
I move my hair to show my hearing device as
the visible proof. On occasion, I’ve been spoken
to slow and patronisingly, like a two-year-old. And
I’ve had to defend my well-functioning, normal
life to the medical profession who have let me
know, once again: “You really don’t hear so well.”
Discrimination against those with hearing loss
certainly exists. My first permanent contract at
a family-owned business in the late 90s turned
into a confidence nightmare. I struggled with
the phones, and was eventually ‘demoted’ to
shredding paper. Neither my employer nor I knew
how to handle my hearing loss.
Suddenly my disability became the elephant in
the room in all areas of my life. The psychological
damage had been done, and I spent the next
decade repairing it. Although I ended up at a large
organisation with a HR department, with diversity
and inclusion practices, I never felt protected or
understood. Hearing loss feels like a solo journey.
Help and support doesn’t knock on your door, you
have to find it. And this journey is exhausting,
especially when you’re young, climbing the
corporate ladder, and just want to enjoy life. And
not be slowed down by that elephant in the room.
Living a life with hearing loss is a cocktail of
situations that leave you feeling embarrassed
more often than not. I’ve had to sit at the front
of the room my whole life, ask people to repeat
While the world battles with
mindfulness and fights for quiet
time, I have found my calm
things, and be in the limelight for all the wrong
reasons. But like anything in life, you get used to
it. My personal challenges have oiled my wheels
of tenacity, deepened my self-awareness, and
supported me to create a life with no limitations.
I do the best I can with what I know. And I have
fully accepted my imperfections and disability.
I’ve become who I am today because of my life
experiences, as well as my hearing loss. And I like
that person very much. One thing I know is that
I have a growth mindset and would gain a very
high score in resilience. Plus I’m armed with the
motto: “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”

70 | happiful.com

Self-care is top on my agenda, and life is all
about balance. I plan my week so there are more
nights in than out. I’ve spent my youth leaving
an event or night out ‘early’ to get enough sleep,
to be fresh and ready to hear the next day. I use
more energy to hear when I’m tired. If I burn the
candle at both ends, I get a cold. A cold means I
hear less. It’s a vicious circle.
My essential tips for successfully managing all
this? Firstly, I had to learn to ask for help. This
is not easy when you are a fiercely independent,
strong-willed individual. Lipreading became
a life raft to communicate – a skill I developed
innately, that allowed me to follow conversations
in bars, restaurants, at parties and on public
transport. But only with one person at a time.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
In a world where being different made her stand
out, Karin reminds us how we are all unique.
Although Karin’s challenge was harder than
most, we’ve all found ourselves feeling out of
place – dealing with the impact of not fitting in.
It’s fascinating that as she has grown, she’s
been able to find solace in the quiet, and
continually strives to find ways to help others.
true story
Karin is
passionate about
having a positive
impact on the
people around her
I’m still learning new strategies as I navigate
our noisy world. There’s almost too much
information out there, and sometimes it’s
overwhelming. I’ve never wanted my identity to
be about my hearing loss. I don’t want to wear
that label.
One vital thing I’ve learned to appreciate is that
silence really can be golden. While the world
battles with mindfulness and fights for quiet
time, I have found my calm. I love to practise
intuitive, energising yoga at home at the end
of a busy day, in my own quiet bubble. I turn
my ears ‘off’ in cafés if I’m working, when the
background noise gets too much.
And through all this, I’ve found my purpose.
My glass is nearly always half-full. I’m an
enthusiastic individual, and people appreciate
my positive energy. I’m known as a motivator,
and have a listening ear ready when required.
With this in mind, coupled with my passion for
people and personal development, I found my
purpose: to have a positive impact on people –
face-to-face, virtually, and through words.
What strikes me most though is how
valuable finding her purpose has been.
Purpose is essential in life to feel
fulfilled and valued – not only
by those around us but, most
importantly, by ourselves.
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
Life coach
happiful.com | 71
 5
ways to de-escalate
stressful situations
Don’t be a bystander. Learn how to gently step
in, and soothe stress, with these simple steps

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustration | Rosan Magar

I
t’s never easy to see someone
else going through a stressful
time. It can often leave us
feeling hopeless, agitated,
and maybe even stressed
ourselves. But, with the right
amount of caution and gentle
management, there are several
things that we can do to support
those going through stress,
helping them to manage their
emotions in the moment, and
also look forward to addressing
the root of the problem. Here,
with help from psychologist
and wellbeing consultant Lee
Chambers, we explore five ways
that you can step in to de-escalate
stressful situations.
1. BE EMPATHETIC
We all appreciate being heard
and having our feelings taken
seriously, so this is a good place
to start when you’re trying to
support other people. “Utilise
empathy to help the individual
involved know that you care about
how they feel, and understand
why they are acting in this
manner,” advises Lee. “A simple
observation such as, ‘I can see
how upset this has made you’,
shows you understand their pain,
you appreciate their concerns,
and you’re treating them as an
equal. Feeling heard and valued
when in distress is a powerful
defusing mechanism.”
2. BE RESPECTFUL
When we’re at the height of
emotion, we’re often also feeling
quite vulnerable. According
to Lee, respect is a powerful
situational resolution tool when
we find ourselves dealing with a
very stressful situation.
If we remain
calm, attentive,
non-judgemental,
and objective, they
will start to adjust
to your state
“Many times, when we’re
stressed, it is likely something
isn’t being respected, and if we
can fill that gap it has an instant
calming effect,” he says. “By
giving a respectful compliment or
statement, suddenly they will feel
like a respected person, and this
will shift their emotional balance
to a more stable point.”
3. PAY ATTENTION
“Nothing fuels the fires of
stressful situations more than
a person who storms off, or is
clearly not present,” says Lee.
We don’t always need to offer up
solutions – in fact, the heat of the
moment is rarely the right time
to do this – but being present
and engaging in the problem in a
sympathetic manner goes a long
way. “Listen to the other party,
ask questions, and be curious to
understand why they feel that
way,” Lee adds. “Just being there
will allow them to process their
own emotions, often getting more
clarity and bringing themselves
down from a high arousal state.”
4. BE MINDFUL OF MIRRORING
As humans, we get a lot of our
social and emotional cues off
each other, which is something
you should keep at the front
of your mind when facing a

72 | happiful.com

challenging situation. “If we
remain calm, attentive, non-
judgemental, and objective,
they will start to adjust to your
state, reducing the emotional
charge,” Lee explains. “This can
take some practise and effort on
our behalf, as we tend to react
immediately, instead of choosing
our response. But if we can
stop the initial feeling of being
attacked, and it being personal,
we can respond in a measured
and rational way. So often, it
isn’t the immediate trigger that
has caused their feelings, but a
build-up of events, and if we can
look at the bigger picture, we can
connect with them, rather than
attack them.”
5. ASK GENTLE QUESTIONS
Sometimes, stress is like an
iceberg. You might be able to
see the tip, but can’t see what’s
going on below the waterline,
or how deep it goes. So, if it
feels appropriate, you might
emotions
want to ask gentle questions to
try to figure out the root of the
problem. “Asking questions is
an incredibly powerful way to
show we are respectful, and
summarising the other person’s
concerns shows that we are
listening and appreciating them,”
says Lee. “You can even start
to see if you can be part of the
solution, as suddenly you become
a supportive ally, and can move
them on from ruminating on the
issue causing the stress.”
happiful.com | 73
 A r e y o u

a h i g h l y

s e n s i t i v e

p e r s o n ?

Do you feel things far more

deeply than others, get
drained by certain situations,
or find your take on things
leads to conflict? You might
be criticised for your sensitivity
and wonder what you can
do about it. But what if being
highly sensitive is the answer,
not the problem?

Writing | Sally Pendreigh

I
f you’ve been asking yourself,
“Why am I so sensitive?”
or wondering, “How can
I be less sensitive?”, then
perhaps something about
your sensitivity doesn’t feel OK.
You may have even wondered,
“What’s wrong with me?” when
other people seem more able

74 | happiful.com

to take things in their stride, or
you’ve been told you need to
“toughen up” or “grow a thicker
skin”. And if your sensitivity
causes difficulties, it’s inevitable
you won’t welcome it in yourself.
No wonder you want to change
it. But it’s not that easy – you can’t
just flick a switch to turn your
sensitivity off. So, what can you do?
Where the answer may lie
Well, the paradox is that the
answer to your sensitivity
‘problem’ could well lie in
acknowledging just how sensitive
you are. Trying to deny, suppress,
or change your sensitivity is often
what keeps you shackled, self-
blaming, and stuck. So, let’s start
with a different premise – that you
may be what’s known as “highly
sensitive”.
If you don’t like the word
“sensitive”, I’m guessing adding
“highly” won’t seem helpful.
It may feel like inviting more
negative connotations, but if the
term does fit you, it might just
be one of the biggest and most
important discoveries you make
about yourself.
It has been exactly that for
countless clients I’ve worked with.
They have described recognising
they’re highly sensitive as “life-
changing”, “transformative”,
and “finally making sense of me
and my life”. They have come
to embrace their sensitivity as
the essence of who they are,
and where their strength and
power lies. And this shift in
perception has changed confusion
into understanding, flaw into
forgiveness, and even berating
into celebrating. It could do the
same for you.
Being highly sensitive: what you
need to know
Before we look at what it means
to be highly sensitive, there are
some facts that may help you
accept the concept more easily...
• It’s a real thing
Being highly sensitive is an
actual thing. The term, “Highly
Sensitive Person” (HSP) was first
coined by Dr Elaine Aron in the
1990s. Nowadays, an internet
search will throw up a multitude
of books, blogs, and websites
about the subject. There are even
questionnaires you can take to
find out if you are a HSP.
• It’s not just you
You’re not alone in being this
sensitive. You can’t be if so
many people are writing and
talking about it! In fact, Dr Aron
estimates that 15–20% of the
general population are HSPs,
and research from Counselling
Directory suggests there are more
than 4,000 searches for the term
“highly sensitive person” each
month.
• It’s genetic programming
Being an HSP isn’t something
you choose, but is the way
you’re genetically programmed.
Studies into high sensitivity and
sensory processing show that
the brains of HSPs are activated
and respond in particular ways
to certain stimuli. And that this
is different from other forms of
high sensitivity resulting from
emotions
They have come
to embrace their
sensitivity as the
essence of who they
are, and where their
strength and power lies
trauma or a medical condition.
So, this form of sensitivity is
innately you.
• There are many benefits
HSPs tend to be thoughtful,
conscientious, compassionate,
insightful, intuitive, reliable, loyal,
attentive to detail, focused on
quality and sustainability, creative,
and appreciative of the beauty of
things.
Being an HSP doesn’t label or
define you, it simply describes
how you process the world
and react to it. The trick is to
acknowledge both sides: manage
the challenges, and value and use
the gifts.
Four indicators that you may be
highly sensitive
There are lots of indicators
for being an HSP, and lots of
researchers and commentators
frame them in different ways.
The most common distillation is:
1. Processing things deeply
2. Being easily overstimulated
3. Being emotionally
responsive/empathic
4. Being sensitive to subtleties >>>
happiful.com | 75
 How might these show up?
Well, you are likely to have a busy
brain – always noticing and taking
in information, deeply processing
it, and thoroughly considering
implications and consequences.
Because you absorb and process
so much, you can become over-
stimulated and exhausted.
That stimulation isn’t just about
observations and thoughts, it’s
also about reactions to your
environment – for example, you
may be sensitive to light, to noise,
to textures, or you may prefer
quieter venues, less busy streets,
and socialising in smaller groups.
You will tend to spot and be
affected by the emotions of others,
and you probably think and
care deeply about many things
– people, nature, world events,
fairness, justice and equality. You
may also appreciate nuances, and
notice tiny differences that other
people don’t.
All this takes energy, so you
are likely to need downtime and
space to recover and recharge. If
you don’t get it, you can become
agitated, overwhelmed, or feel
76 | happiful.com
that everything is “too much”.
Noticing all that you do, and
thinking ahead, can lead to
conflict with others, or a feeling
that you are out of sync with
them, or the prevailing culture.
And this can leave you feeling
hurt, confused, misunderstood
and alone.
How does knowing you are
highly sensitive help deal with
your sensitivity?
1. There’s a world of difference
between thinking that there
is something wrong with you,
and understanding that there
isn’t.
2. Fundamentally, you cannot
benefit from the gifts of
something when you see it as
a flaw.
3. Understanding there is a
reason for your sensitivity, and
it’s something you share with
others, naturally reduces the
inner conflict and aloneness
you may have been feeling.
4. Just imagine the resources
and potential you can release
if you stop spending so much
time and energy judging
your sensitivity, and trying to
change what is inherently you.
Every HSP I’ve come across has
found that discovering, exploring,
and understanding their HSP-ness
has been like finding the missing
piece to a puzzle. Despite its costs
and challenges, not one of them
would change their sensitivity for
the world, because it makes them
who they are.
 emotions

Despite its challenges,

not one of them would
change their sensitivity
for the world, because it
makes them who they are

2. Reflect on past reactions you do. Taking care of yourself

How to begin connecting
to your sensitivity
If you are highly sensitive,
identifying and acknowledging
it is half the battle. The next
step is to use that knowledge
to make better choices in your
future; ones that take account
of your sensitivity. Here are
some suggestions to help you
connect to your sensitivity
differently:
1. Get curious
Get curious about being a HSP
– research it, read about it,
complete a questionnaire online.
Enjoy finding out what is true
(and not) about your sensitivity.
Start nurturing it the way you
would someone or something
you really care about.
Reflect compassionately on your
reactions to past events, and
situations where your sensitivity
was an issue. Try to understand
why something was difficult, or
why you reacted a certain way.
This can move you from seeing
faults in what you felt or did to a
more forgiving place.
3. Identify what drains
and energises you
Start noticing what activities,
events, environments, and even
people, deplete and drain you,
and which soothe or energise
you. Change what you can of the
things that sap your energy, and
do more of what nourishes you.
And if you know something will
tire you, prioritise building in
some recovery time afterwards.
4. Get enough downtime
Pace yourself and take regular
breaks when you can. Try to
ensure you get enough quiet,
demand-free downtime when
you need it. You will burn out if
you don’t, and get more done if
in this way is not selfish, but
essential self-care. And an
investment in you and your
wellbeing.
Taking these steps can make a
real and meaningful difference.
You might be surprised at how
much you can benefit from
even the smallest changes.
And the more you understand
and manage your sensitivity,
the more you can harness
its potential. Throw off the
shackles, regain and refocus
your energy, and begin releasing
the power. Your power.
Sally Pendreigh is a senior accredited
counsellor, who believes that
understanding how we process and
react to the world is fundamental to
having the freedom to be ourselves.
You can find Sally and get in touch with
her via counselling-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | 77
 Puzzle
power
Take some time out from the hustle and bustle of the season and
put your mental cogs in motion, with our six-page puzzle special

Word pyramid
Complete the pyramid by solving the clues below,
filling in each row with one letter per box. The
trick is that each row uses all the same letters as the
row before, plus one new letter – but the order can
change. Time to test your vocabulary.

1. Years in a decade
2. A bird’s home
3. A rock or a pebble
4. Truthful

Word wheel F N
Using the letters in the wheel no more than once, make as
many words as possible of three or more letters, always R G
including the letter in the centre of the wheel. Want an extra I
challenge? Set yourself a time limit – three minutes, go!
A T
5 = word wizard
10 = gaming guru
E L
15+ = Shakespearean superstar

78 | happiful.com
 Thinking caps at the ready – can you decipher the puzzle below? It’s like a crossword, but with
no clues. Instead, it’s a game of logic, as every letter of the alphabet is used at least once, and
is represented by a number in the grid. Uncover a letter at a time to reveal answers all over the
grid – good luck! Hint: Think festive

1 6 13 8
I 16 6 8 13
Codebreaker
I 14 12 6 13 8 4 24 8

R 20 6 26

6 20 24
I 6 8 7 14

7
I 19 26 9 9 11 22

5 9
I 23 23 15
R 21 9 24
I
15 15 6 9 1 4

I 14 6 8
R 6
G
6 5 15 24 5 9 6

G R 17

R 22 7 15
W 6

G I 4
G 6
R 5
R 6 15 21
R
4 11 6 6

14 13 4 26
W 18 15 4

12 26 9 9 11 13 8

4 26
R 8 12

A B C D E F G H I J K L M

id
?
you do t 25 2
w d
Ho bies’ a
h ‘free com
Searc l.
appifu N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
shop.h e answers,
th
to find more!
and 3 10

happiful.com | 79
 Spot the difference
Keep those eyes peeled for six differences in our winter-themed illustration below...

Emoji-nary

Emoji | emojipedia.org
Can you work out
the Christmas songs 3 7
based on the emoji
descriptions alone?
4 8

1 5 9

2 6 10

80 | happiful.com
Sudoku
In this test of logic, can you
complete the empty boxes so that
the numbers one to nine appear
once in each row, column, and
3x3 box?

4 2 5
3 7 8 9 1 6 2
2 1 3
8 3 9
7 4 1 5 2 8
8 5 6 2 3 7
2 4 8 6 3
9 2
6 3 7 9 4

happiful.com | 81
 Wordsearch
Purpose
Hunt through the grid below to find words related to our year Passion
at Happiful – bonus points if you can find the three words not Podcast
included on the list below! Webinar
Sleep special Reading App
Destress Johannes Remote work
Explore outdoors Crafting Challenges
Nature Self discovery Dawning moment

N E I G N A T U R E P S P P W H

A S E D O U T E Y X U S O A E A

T L L A I C E P S P E E L S B L

D J U W S P U P X L R N R S S C

I R F N A M E F T O N D E I E H

W E B I N A R S D R A N Y O L A

I A M N C P A M I E R I T N C L

N D O G P C G I D O S K P O H L

G I N M D N I L E U Y T U M A E

N N T O C R A E R T U S R K S N

I G P M O M X C T D R Y P E T G

T L R E M O T E W O R K O C S E

F O O N M R L H L O V E S A I S

A V J T S M I X A R H L E P B R

R T J O H A N N E S S A M E P N

C S E L F D I S C O V E R Y W A

82 | happiful.com
Crossword
Answer the festive-themed
questions to complete the
grid. We recommend a
mince pie to help get those
thinking gears going.
ACROSS
5. In the ‘12 Days of Christmas’,
what seven animals were
“a-swimming”? (5)
7. What character was
invented for a marketing
campaign for a US company
in 1939? (6)
8. What is the best-selling
Christmas song of all time? (5,9)
10. What is the name of the
old Winter Solstice festivals in
Scandinavia? (4)
12. How many ghosts appear in
A Christmas Carol? (4)
13. Which Christmas song was
broadcast from space, as a
prank, by astronauts in 1965?
(6,5)
15. Traditionally, which festive
treat should be eaten on each
of the 12 days of Christmas to
bring good luck? (5,3)
17. What record-breaking
Christmas item was ‘pulled’ in
Australia in 1991? (7)
2 3
7
8
9 10
11
13
16
17
DOWN
1. In Home Alone, where is
Kevin’s family going on
holiday? (5)
2. Which country has gifted
the UK’s Trafalgar Square
tree each year since 1947? (6)
3. Who played Graham in the
2006 film The Holiday? (4,3)
4. What is the first name of
George Bailey’s guardian angel
in It’s a Wonderful Life? (8)
5. How many rolls of Sellotape
are sold in the UK each year in
the run up to Christmas? (3,7)
1
4 5 6
12
14
15
6. In the poem ‘Twas the
Night Before Christmas’,
what food danced in the
children’s heads as they
slept? (5,5)
9. What country do candy
canes originate from? (7)
11. What is Scrooge’s
first name? (8)
14. One of Santa’s
lovely reindeer (5)
16. What item of clothing
brought Frosty the
Snowman to life? (3)
happiful.com | 83
 December
HAPPIFUL TOP 10

As we approach the end of a testing year, it’s time to breathe a sigh of relief and
recognise how resilient we really are. There may be more challenges to come, but
together we can weather the storm

3 4
PUT ON A SHOW LEND US
YOUR EARS
Christmas carols
Whether you have the ‘Calm it Down’
voice of an angel, or would When times get

1
PAGE-TURNERS
Aromatherapy: Harness the
power of essential oils to relax,
restore, and revitalise
It’s no secret that essential
describe yourself as ‘musically
challenged’, singing is a great
way to lift your mood and
calm a nervous mind. Pick your
favourite Christmas anthem and
sing your worries away. Why not
put on a virtual concert for your
nearest and dearest if you’re
brave enough?
(Connect with loved ones
virtually over Zoom)
tough, it can often feel like we’re
fighting just to get through
the day. American pianist
and composer Chad Lawson
talks us through how to find
calm as we navigate the ups
and downs of life, to help
make what we think are big
problems, much smaller.
(Listen to the podcast on
iTunes and Spotify)

5
oils such as lavender,
eucalyptus, and peppermint
can help soothe our senses.
This little book of self-care
shares the perfect blend of
essential oils to care for and
heal yourself, combined
with massage routines,
yoga, meditation, and
breathwork.
PLUGGED-IN

2
(Out 31 Dec, DK, £9.99) Morgan Harper Nichols
Artist, poet, and
musician Morgan
Harper Nichols shares
OUT AND ABOUT daily reminders that
Picture perfect you are stronger than
Spread the Christmas spirit by making your own holiday cards! you know, with her artwork,
Grab your coat and gloves, head out into your local winter which is inspired by real stories.
wonderland, and get a picturesque photo to share with your Follow Morgan for calming
friends and neighbours. Pop your cards in the post, or send them visuals and kind words.
virtually! (If you can’t get the perfect snap, download our free (Follow @morganharpernichols
Christmas cards on shop.happiful.com/collections/freebies) on Instagram)

84 | happiful.com
6
9
TECH TIP-OFFS THE CONVERSATION
Elfster Christmas Jumper Day
Are you planning a secret gift While things may be a little different
exchange with your friends and family? this year, there’s no reason we can’t still
Elfster is a Secret Santa generator that embrace the Christmas spirit, and support
will do all the work for you (maybe it will vulnerable children around the world. Dig
actually stay secret this year!). If you think out your festive garments, share a #Elfie with your friends,
Santa might need some extra help, you and donate online.
can even make a wish list. (11 December, donate online at savethechildren.org.uk)
(Download from the App Store and

10
Google Play)

7
SQUARE EYES GET GOING
The Repair Shop Simple stretches
Christmas special Wrapping presents can spark joy,
Many of us have family heirlooms or but in our experience it can also
sentimental items that could never be bring aches and pains! Put down
replaced, but what happens when those your ribbons and ease your aches
special objects need a little TLC? Enter: by practising some stretches. You
The Repair Shop. Jay and his team of don’t need to be flexible, just find a
expert craftspeople fix up precious comfortable space, breathe deeply,
items, bringing joy to homes across the and stretch.
country. (Watch on BBC One, or catch (Find simple stretches you can
up on BBC iPlayer) try at home at happiful.com)

8 TREAT YOURSELF
Hug at Home diamond throw
Who doesn’t love a comforting blanket to keep you warm and cosy on cold winter nights?
Hug at Home offers an ever growing collection of natural and sustainable products to
snuggle at home. Their diamond throw is made from 100% recycled plastic bottles, but it’s WIN!
as soft as wool to keep you toasty! (£35, shop online at hugathome.co.uk)

Win a Hug at Home diamond throw

For your chance to win, simply email competitions@happiful.com
with your answer to the following question: Which popular Christmas song contains the
lyric “The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful”?
a) ‘Fairytale of New York’ b) ‘A Holly Jolly Christmas’ c) ‘Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!’
*Competition closes 17 December. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!

happiful.com | 85
 Sign up for FREE at redtogether.co.uk
Active supporter of RED January:

86 | happiful.com
 emotions

How to deal with

passive aggressiveness
Struggling to know how to respond to an awkward person in your
life? Unspoken tension and passive aggressive behaviour can wear
you down, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Our experts have coping
strategies and top tips to help you tackle the situation…
Writing | Claire Munnings

T
he chances are we’ve
all experienced passive
aggressive behaviour
in one form or another.
Whether it’s a friend giving you
the silent treatment, a work
colleague ‘misunderstanding’
your instructions, your partner
making subtle comments about
the division of chores, or a
sullen teenager slamming their
bedroom door, a sense of indirect
hostility can fester under the
surface of many situations.
But just how can we deal with
it effectively? And what is at the
root of this behaviour?
“To put it simply, passive
aggressiveness is a way of
behaving that is indirectly
aggressive rather than directly
aggressive towards others,”
explains mindset coach Ruth
Kudzi. “It can show up in a
number of ways – someone may
claim that they are fine, when it is
clear this isn’t the case, they may
refuse to respond to requests,
share negative feelings through
subtle actions, or make you feel
guilty about a situation.”
The problem is that this type of
behaviour is often so subtle we
tend to brush over it, or pretend it
hasn’t happened – which doesn’t
help in the long run.
“It’s the passive nature of the
aggression that means it can
be so covert it’s hard to identify
as aggressive,” says love and
relationships coach Emma
Spiegler. “But, passive aggression
must not be underestimated for
its slow and detrimental effects,
as it can ruin a relationship. And
this is the thing – when we’re
on the receiving end of passive
aggression, we can end up second
guessing our own behaviour. This
can have a devastating effect on
our confidence, self-esteem, and
our emotional health. It can also
impact other areas of our life,
including our relationships, social
life, and work life,” said Emma.
Time to take action
Keen to stop these endless
conflict circles, or understand
how to react in different
situations? Our experts share
their tips…
• Identify it: “The first step to
dealing with these situations is
to watch out for signs of passive
aggressive behaviour, so you
can be aware of when you’re
experiencing it,” Ruth advises. >>>

happiful.com | 87
 Claire Munnings is a health and wellbeing journalist.
She enjoys writing about how we can live more
Emma agrees. “The key here
is to not get sucked into the
covertness of this behaviour,”
she says. “You need to name it
for what it is – aggression. This
can be a hard step, because often
denial is easier than challenging
something head on, and change
can be uncomfortable.”
Passive aggression can take
many forms, and you may
not be fully aware you’ve
been experiencing it. But, if
something feels hurtful or
someone is being deliberately
awkward, it’s likely that they’re
being passive aggressive – even
if they don’t realise it.
It’s the passive nature of the
aggression that means it can be
so convert it’s hard to identify
•C
 onsider what is driving the
aggression: While there are
not necessarily excuses for
this behaviour, understanding
its triggers can be useful.
“Many people who display
passive aggressive traits are
uncomfortable having difficult
conversations, or believe
that sharing emotion is to
be avoided,” explains Ruth.
88 | happiful.com
mindfully and be kind to ourselves.
“Equally, some people are more
likely to display this behaviour
as they may view passive
aggression as more socially-
acceptable than direct anger.”
Deep-rooted emotions and
long-held views can have an
impact, too. “Some people
may have simply not learned
how to communicate directly,
openly and honestly about
their feelings,” Emma says.
“They may also have a low
sense of self-worth, driven by
wounds and beliefs developed
in childhood or adulthood, that
means they resort to this type
of behaviour to gain a sense
of power,” she adds. It may be
the case that they feel simply
unhappy in a certain situation, How you broach the subject
or underappreciated, too. will depend on a lot of different
factors – who the person is,
• Talk about it: “Once you’ve your relationship, the type
identified that someone is of behaviour you’ve been
displaying passive aggression, experiencing, and the length of
it’s time to address it in a time it’s been happening.
non-confrontational way by Emma recommends trying a
recognising this behaviour, four-step process that involves
and giving them an option to explaining your observations
talk about their emotions,” without judgment, expressing
recommends Ruth. Employing your feelings calmly, clarifying
different communication your needs, and then conveying
strategies can be useful, and specific requests based on
it’s important to prepare for these points. “At the more
these conversations properly. extreme end, where this passive

aggression is chronic and has
severely impacted your self-
worth, I would advise seeking
help before you confront the
behaviour,” she adds.
• Take a step back: In some cases,
the best thing to do is remove
yourself from the situation as
much as possible. “If you can’t
physically remove yourself, try
to emotionally remove yourself
so you don’t let the behaviour
impact how you feel,” says
Ruth. “The more that we allow
the energy from the passive
The more that we allow the
energy from the passive
aggression to impact us, the
more it can erode our wellbeing
aggression to impact us, the
more it can erode our wellbeing.
Remember this isn’t about you:
it is down to the person being
unable to communicate how they
are feeling effectively.”
Ruth Kudzi is a mindset coach, mentor,
author, and speaker. For
more information visit ruthkudzi.com
Emma Spiegler is a relationships and
sexuality coach, and the co-founder of
The Feel Good Rooms. Visit
zoeclews-hypnotherapy.co.uk/
the-feel-good-rooms
HOW TO REACT
Emma shares her tips on how
to cope with passive aggressive
behaviour in different situations:
With work colleagues
It’s important to acknowledge
that your feelings matter in the
workplace, and your emotional
wellbeing should be looked
after here. Many people fear
they can’t say anything in case
they lose their job, but this
shouldn’t be the case. Address
the situation directly with your
colleague, or speak to someone
higher up. The chances are that
others feel the same way.
With friends
Passive aggression in close
friendships can be tricky to
address, as it’s easy to let certain
behavioural traits become part
of your relationship dynamic.
Let them know something has
been playing on your mind, and
arrange a time to speak. When
you do so, share a few recent
examples of the behaviour, and
express your feelings. It’s good
to open up the dialogue, and be
prepared to listen in case there
are ways you might have been
contributing to this dynamic.
With strangers
Crossing paths with a sulky
shop assistant or a rude family
at the park is not unusual, but it
can still knock your confidence.
As you’re not invested in this
relationship, remember that you
don’t need to engage with it.
With strangers, you have no idea
about their level of empathy or
communication skills, so it’s best
to just walk away.
happiful.com | 89
 NEW LOOK | NEW FEEL | NEW OFFERS

Never miss an issue

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH

NEW

£71.88
£5.99 BIGGER
DEC 2020
SIZE!

Now MAKE SOME NOISE

. 9 9 !
£59
We celebrate the heroes of 2020 who have
fought tirelessly to keep us safe

2
GOOD
NEWS

WE PRESENT THE
26
stories you
‘SMALL BUSINESS’ might have
GIFT GUIDE missed
HAPPIFUL.COM | £5.99
TIPS TO EASE

ISSUES
12

PREGNANCY
ANXIETY
373017

FREE
FESTIVE
9 772514

CRAFTING
AND RECIPES

Subscribe for a year and get Happiful delivered straight to your door
Pay for 10 issues, get two issues completely FREE
Plus postage is now included!*

• Our 100% recyclable illustrated envelopes are a colouring-in bonus

• For every tree used to print our magazine, we ensure two are planted
• Supporting our print magazine allows us to distribute a free digital
edition – ensuring anyone who needs help can access our articles,
without any financial barriers

*UK mainland and NI only. Additional charges may apply for postage elsewhere. Prices and benefits
90 | happiful.comare correct at the time of printing. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com.
 true story

Homeless at 15...
This year hasn’t been easy for anyone, and the air is heavy with uncertainty.
But for those worrying about being without a roof over their heads, missing
their family, or who don’t feel safe at home, Hannah shares her story as
someone who made it out of dire circumstances, to provide hope for us all

Writing | Hannah Lee

I
was born into a family, half Chinese-Malaysian
and half Northern Irish. Our skin was classed
as too White to be Asian, too Asian to be
White. Then four of us became three when my
parents divorced in 2000, with my sister, mum
and I moving to Northern Ireland, and my dad
staying in London. Three became two, when I
was separated from my sister in 2002. And then
it was just one. When I was 15, nine days before
Christmas, I came home to find the house empty.
The lights were off, my mum and dog were gone,
and my belongings were in bin bags on the drive.
I was unable to articulate the emptiness I felt
towards life until recent years. My childhood was
spent praying I wouldn’t wake up, learning how
to survive, and building walls to protect myself.
Pushing people away and doing it alone was
easier than letting people in. I still can’t believe
that the life I live now is mine. It’s completely
different to the one I was dealt.
I can still remember the fear I had when I was
sitting in the council office in January 2011.
Wooden walls, a huge table, sat opposite a man
with glasses and moustache who laid out my
housing options. He told me how to scare off
an attacker – “Dance towards him and sing, it
will confuse him and he’ll leave you alone.”
He handed me forms to legally declare myself
homeless, and sent me to a halfway house B&B
with my social worker’s details and a rape alarm.
Three council houses later, I dropped out of
school, was labelled as a “troubled teen”, was
bullied and isolated from my peers. The majority
of my teenage years were spent in darkness,
wishing my life away. Days turned into weeks
in bed, phone turned off, council flat overrun
with clutter, and I wouldn’t go outside. I’d binge
eat, cut friends off, and self-harm. Going into
adulthood, I was far more comfortable being
alone, and knowing death was a way out, than
overcoming my odds.
I’ll be honest, I can’t quite pinpoint when
things changed for me. I wish I could say there
was an ‘ah-hah’ moment. There were moments
I messed up massively. I never really learnt the
importance of relationships, or how to be a good
friend, my default was to give up when things
were hard, or to run away and hide when I didn’t
want to face reality. I definitely made some
horrible and reckless decisions, often choosing
the path of self-destruction. But one day I chose
myself and I chose a better future. >>>

happiful.com | 91

In 2015, my 20s came around and I applied
for university. I returned to London, reunited
with my sister and father, and got stuck in to my
studies. It was a classic university experience,
featuring many drunken nights out, and
hungover lectures. However, the golden people
are something I will never forget. I learnt to
I definitely made some horrible and
reckless decisions, often choosing
the path of self-destruction
navigate friendships and dynamics with women –
something I had avoided since my experience with
my mother. I learnt that people could be patient,
supportive, kind and forgiving. All these new traits
I hadn’t been exposed to before, allowed me to
forgive my mother, let her go, and put in the work
for myself.
Slowly, it was easier to put myself in
uncomfortable situations and work for a better
life. I came out as an Honours student in
Business Management, and on the Dean’s list
despite ongoing intense therapy for 18 months
(depression, anxiety, eating disorders, you name
92 | happiful.com
Above: Hannah and her sister, Tash, in 1997
it). I had to relive experiences and learn to
identify how the loss of my childhood manifested
in everyday life. I found yoga and trained as a
teacher, being able to be still in my body and mind
for the first time in my life. I had to invest just as
much time into myself as I did my academic and
professional achievements – but it paid off.
Looking back at the past couple of years, I’ve
had some great opportunities, and my career has
taken leaps. Now I’m in a company that continues
to astound me. It prioritises authenticity in all we
do, and always focuses on how we can protect
our mental health. My team has the most creative
minds and compassionate hearts, we spend our
days working with business owners and helping
them overcome those challenges.
It’s 2020, the year that shook the world, but I want
to wake up every day. My sister is my best friend
and rock; we often talk about the life we knew, and
how sometimes we can’t quite believe it happened
– or that we survived it. Here I am, after moving 18
times, I’m settled back home in London.
Along the way, I’ve learned a lot. And if I was to
speak to my younger self now, I would tell her:
• Do not run from your Asian heritage – this is
something you should be proud of, as it’s the
side of you that will make you feel most ‘whole’.

Below: Hannah with her
dad at her graduation
• Learning to exercise will teach you discipline,
and give you an alternative escape from stress.
• Remember to have fun, as you’ll look back at
this later on in life and wish you’d given yourself
some more slack.
• The world owes you nothing – if you’re not
prepared to work for it and make the best out of
every situation, that is on you.
• No one can take the safety and security away
from you – you have built it and it is yours. It lies
within you, and is not linked to material goods or
situations.
• The independence and resilience you are
learning now will empower you to live a life you
truly deserve, and you will know what it’s like to
feel proud.
OUR EXPERT SAYS
Hannah’s truly inspirational story evokes
many emotions. Her very difficult start to
life clearly had a damaging impact on her
wellbeing. However, with a strong will and
determination, Hannah was able to find a
place where she has happy again, where she
could bring her self to the world – and for it
true story
And for anyone struggling in their own lives,
I want to tell you it does get better – but it’s
going to take time and commitment, there’s
no magic fix. Remember that you are not your
circumstances, but they will drive you in every
single thing you do. If you come from a broken
or violent home, you are not broken and you do not
need to be fixed. Learn to apologise, understand
why you’re sorry, and how you want to rectify
your wrongs. Reflect on your behaviour and keep
yourself accountable – you get out what you put
in and you need to constantly evolve. You can
be vulnerable without having to sacrifice any of
your strength or independence.
I would also say, please don’t harbour anger.
Letting it go doesn’t mean you’re being kind to
the people that hurt you, you’re just being kind
to yourself, and it’s the best thing you’ll ever
do. Always back yourself , and know it’s OK to
let people in – you need some love to get you
through. And finally, you do not need to carry
shame or guilt for who you are, or your story,
because it’s made you who you are.
to be welcomed kindly. The negative
life experiences that once inhibited
Hannah are now her source of
learning, strength, and passion.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Counsellor and psychotherapist
happiful.com | 93
 “
Never bend your head. Hold it high.
Look the world straight in the eye
HELEN KELLER
Photography | Pieter Benjamin

94 | happiful.com
 culture

Steph (left) and members of the Soul Analyse team

A f f i r m a t i o n s by the late Louise Hay, who is

acknowledged to be one of the
original founders of the self-help
movement.
f o r t h e s o u l However, Steph’s own journey
of change had started some time
before that moment, after she
Steph Dunleavy, co-founder of affirmation jewellery lost her dad, suddenly, to cancer
brand Soul Analyse, shares the experiences and in 2012. He was just 46 years old.
“The two years that followed
inspiration that set her on a new path in life...
Dad’s death were a tumultuous
Writing | Lucy Donoughue whirlwind,” Steph explains. “I
felt like I’d had the rug pulled out

I
nspiration can come in many
forms. It could be something
we read, hear, see, or scroll
past, but when a phrase or
way of thinking really resonates
with you, it can make a huge
difference to your perspective in
that moment, and beyond.
For Steph Dunleavy, co-founder
of the affirmation jewellery
brand Soul Analyse, inspiration
came after listening to a talk
from underneath me. Life felt so
unstable and uncertain. I couldn’t
seem to find peace, and I started
spiralling out of control. I was
self-sabotaging and not taking
care of myself, which led to me
feeling very depressed.” >>>

happiful.com | 95

I wrote phrases such as ‘ You can
d o t h i s . Y o u a r e s t r o n g ,’ b e c a u s e
I felt so weak at that time
One evening, when Steph was
struggling with her emotions,
her partner, Jasper Ibrahim,
introduced Louise Hay’s talk into
their lives. At first, Steph felt
irritated by the noise coming from
his laptop, but her mood changed
when she started to really listen to
what was being said.
“I remember this feeling of
serenity, calm, and possibility
coming over me,” Steph explains.
“What Louise was saying felt real,
authentic, and really resonated.
I stared at the screen in disbelief,
because something had just
clicked. Hearing that we can all
change our lives based on what
we think was incredible. Back
then, that was a totally new
concept for me.”
The impact of that talk lasted
well beyond one evening, as
Steph stuck Post-It notes around
her home so she could read
positive affirmations throughout
her day. “I wrote phrases such as
‘You can do this. You are strong,’
because I felt so weak at that
time. Just seeing that message to
myself was the boost I needed.”
Acknowledging the success of
this simple action, Steph and
Jasper began to talk about the
power of thought, both agreeing
96 | happiful.com
they wanted to help others move
through tough times, as they
were starting to, using visible
affirmations. They dreamt of
starting a business, and a new
way of life together.
Sign after sign seemed to appear
for the pair, indicating the change
of course they were on the brink
of taking was the right one. After
they came across a notebook that
read ‘Live in the sunshine, swim
in the sea, drink the wild air,’ the
couple set off to travel around
Asia for a year, to explore not
only the world, but what might be
possible for them.
Steph’s face lights up as she
shares her story of Soul Analyse’s
beginnings during this time.
“We started to live with purpose.
We were being guided, and we
were taking in the messages
we recieved. We’d write in that
notebook every day, and flesh out
ideas; how we could change our
own mindsets to grow something
Photography | Jessie Barry
Affirmations to try:
I am enough.
I am strong.
I am loved.
I am me.
that had meaning, and help
others, too.
“That’s when we came up with
our first range of jewellery, and
began designing and speaking
with manufacturers, even though
we were constantly on the move,”
she continues.
Their original ‘I am’ range
featured just three words, but
a powerful message for anyone
reading or wearing the pieces.
Bracelets and necklaces, etched
with phrases such as ‘I am

enough’, ‘I am strong’, and ‘I am
loved’, were created to remind
people of their self-worth, ability,
and value.
When Jasper and Steph landed
back in the UK after their
adventures, they’d successfully
created their dream business –
and a new life. Steph was five
months pregnant with their
daughter.
The first batch of jewellery
arrived two weeks after their
return, and the next chapter of
their lives was unfolding. Life
at that time was far from easy
though, as Steph explains. “We’d
put everything we had into this
Find out more at soulanalyse.com
Instagram @soulanalyse
year away and the jewellery, so
we had nothing left. We’d spent
literally every penny. We rocked
up at Jasper’s mum’s with our
backpacks, and asked if we
could stay.”
And so, the first ever Soul
Analyse range was launched from
Jasper’s mum’s front room. “We
didn’t have any experience to be
honest,” Steph says softly. “We
had an idea, we felt it was right,
had meaning, and it could help
people – and we ran with it.”
The inaugural year of operation,
she notes, was incredibly
difficult. Money continued to be
hard to come by, but the couple
would not be swayed off course.
“It was obvious to others that we
were really struggling, and they
questioned what we were doing,
but we just kept going. Even if
we only had one sale a day, we
knew we were doing something
substantial. We were helping that
one person.”
Their gut instinct, solid work,
and strong belief ultimately paid
off. Although Steph and Jasper
have negotiated many highs and
lows between the company’s
Co-founder Jasper Ibrahim
launch in 2015 and the present
day, they’ve now reached a place
they’re deeply grateful to be at.
“I say thank you every day,”
Steph says. “In the early days,
Jasper and I held hands every
time we got an order and said
thank you, out loud. I’m a big
believer that gratitude multiplies
blessings, and what you give out
comes back. When I think back
on those times, I know that they
were really hard, but they were
also really special.”
culture
Today, Steph continues to
listen to the words of Louise
Hay, Wayne Dyer, and other
inspirational speakers. It’s
become a fundamental part of
her own daily self-care ritual, and
she honours the impact it’s had
upon her life.
“I had a hard upbringing, with
very little money, so I had many
self-limiting beliefs about what I
could achieve and what was open
to me before I heard Louise Hay
talk,” she reflects. “I didn’t realise
that there were resources out
there that could help everyone,
including me. That changed
absolutely everything.”
I’m a big believer that
gratitude multiplies
blessings, and what you
give out comes back
As well as listening to others
speak, Steph now religiously takes
time to respond to customers’
messages about their life stories.
“Being able to listen to their
experiences is really powerful.
I’ve had many calls where I’ve
shared my own stories too,
because if I can say something
that might help, or let them know
they’re not alone, I want to do
that. I honestly think that’s why I
was called to set up Soul Analyse,
and that means the world to me.”
happiful.com | 97
 Take the
bins in for
the house Go litter
next door picking on
your next
walk

Give a
Buy coffee for
the person
compliment
behind you in to a stranger
the queue

A C T S O F
K I N D N E S S
Leave a lovely
message for someone
in need – on a car
windshield, posted
through a letterbox,
Donate or tucked into a bench
to a local
food bank
Send flowers or charity
or a treat to a
family member
you’ve not seen
for a while

If you have a
neighbour who
Make might be isolated,
breakfast for drop them a note
someone you to arrange a
virtual catch-up
live with
 SMALL STEPS
BIG CHANGE

Our books change lives.

Let them inspire you this Christmas.
UPLIFTING NEWS
IN YOUR HANDS

The Happiful App

Happiful App is a product from the Happiful family, which includes:

Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory,
Nutritionist Resource and Therapy Directory.
Helping you find the help you need.