Michael Round and the soprano, in the music
room, with a length of rope
MONDAY 15TH Await emailed piano
parts for rehearsal with unknown
soprano later in week. To include several
Canteloube Songs of the Auvergne: anxious
to receive, since only know Bailho and
assume others similar, i.e. very elaborate.
TUESDAY 16TH Piano parts arrive. One
impossibly scrambled in transit. Could
be Canteloube: spend whole morning on
premium-rate computer helpline in
attempt to disentangle. Eventually
opened: contains Massenet 'Adieu, notre
petite table' from Manon, easily sight-
readable by slow-witted child or
moderately intelligent dog. Re-check
inbox: contains follow-up email from
soprano, reading 'Sorry couldn't scan
Canteloube - sure will be OK on day.'
Wish had her confidence.
WEDNESDAY 17TH Conservatoire
auditions. Reach rehearsal room: first
candidate (v pretty, not English) already
practising (with metronome). Flute
concerto by Quantz, or someone. Settle
down, tune up, start intro. Student
to f^-eadaoc oùe/^a ùiote
restarts metronome. Suggest may not be
necessary now am here. Smiles, replies
'Yes'. Leaves metronome running,
however: lean over, switch off. No
printed dynamics: enquire, 'Loud or sofi:
here?' Smiles, 'Yes'. Shrug, proceed. 'Trill
on upper note or main note?' Smiles,
'Yes'. Suggest, 'Think you're miscounting
here.' Smiles, 'Yes'. Rehearsal ends,
finally. Conversation not been great,
student v pretty nonetheless. 'Fancy
drink afterwards?' Smiles, 'No'. Departs
(with metronome).
Second candidate arrives: better
English than previous, though heavily
accented. Viola concerto by Stamitz, or
similar. Ask, 'Tempo?' Answer, 'I do eet
wahn, wahn, seext'. Translate, mentally.
Assume means 116 beats per minute,
rather than 160 (or 1160). Wish had
previous candidate's metronome. Start
anyway. OK for while, then viola
diverges. Stop, check. Has totally
different edition. Further hiatus follows:
piano harmonies now clash with viola.
Presume misprints: tweak harmony and
continue. Bar-count goes adrift. Have to
make ad hoc short repeats or cuts so as to
stay together with viola. Finally enquire
provenance. Seems teacher been preparing
scholarly new edition (from which soloist
playing), but hadn't yet finished
accompaniment. Had told candidate that
existing piano part would fit. Ask if
happens to have brought Telemann - or,
for that matter, any other piece with
guaranteed matching [solo and piano]
parts. 'No'. Does not smile.
THURSDAY 18TH Rehearse with child
for grade examination. One passage
persistently wrong. Suggest getting it
right, to offset risk of failure. Child
laughs, looks scornful. 'Nobody fails
in
these days. Just get "success deferred".' He
may be right. Rehearsal ends: regain
considerable street-cred through
supporting same football team. Child
departs, in great good humour.
Evening. Receive irate phone-call from
parent claiming child been severely
traumatised by mention of word 'failure'.
Demands names of replacement
accompanists. Momentarily nonplussed:
cannot think of anyone I dislike enough
to recommend. Hang up. Phone rings
again. Ignore.
FRIDAY 19TH To soprano's house for
rehearsal. Meet soprano (glamorous) and
husband (taciturn, muscular, gardener).
Se;
Am led to music-room (palatial,
overlooking garden, immaculate). 11
o
Rehearsal starts, husband withdraws.
Massenet no problem. Next, first glimpse
of Canteloube songs: LAntoueno (like
Baïlèro but harder), Brezairola (like Batlero
but easier), Lou Bossou (not like Baïlèro)
and Baïlèro. Make quite fair attempt at
piano parts. Soprano impressed, moves
closer. 'So sensuous, this music,' she
breathes. Next, Seguidilla from Carmen.
Soprano hands me vocal score and length
of rope. 'Tie me up,' she murmurs. Blink,
hesitate. 'Go on,' she says, 'I need to get
in character.' Furtively examine previous
page of score. Plot seems to concur. Pick
up rope, start to oblige. Husband
re-enters room unexpectedly. Takes in
scene, goes purple, clenches fists.
approaches at speed. Assume intention
not benevolent. Feel best leave
explanation to soprano: dodge husband,
beat rapid retreat through patio doors
(fortunately open) and make escape
(across just-planted flower-bed). Feel am
living in French farce. Resolve to read all
opera plots v carefully in future.
Arrive home. Phone ringing, now
stopped. Check answer-machine:
out-of-the-blue call from beautiful
dancer met long time ago. 'Do ring
back: would love to meet again.' Don't
know number. Disconsolate. Phone
rings again. Could be her. Rush to
answer: is irate parent. Hang up. Phone
rings again... •
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