Sex Does not Equal Shame

Throughout history, in all parts of the world, sex workers have had a stigma

attached to them. People have seen them as disgusting, diseased, outcasts, whores,

and criminals. The problem with these descriptions and stereotypes is that they are

very dehumanizing. Many people that have these stereotypes engrained into their

brain do not realize that sex workers have lives that they live just like everyone

else. Nobody considers why they might have become sex workers, if they are

struggling with something in their life, or if they just love what they do for a living.

It is this ignorance that influences the stigma and perpetuates it.

A few months after I met my stepdad, Chad, I was just in seventh grade, and

my mom told me that his ex-wife was a stripper. She whispered it to me and told

me to not tell anyone. At this time in my life, I knew what sex workers did for a

living, and I knew exactly what most people thought about them. Before my mom

told me that Chad’s ex-wife was a stripper, I only knew her as the other life of my

stepsisters. My stepsisters loved their mom, and she was a good mom that did all

she could to support them by working multiple waitress jobs. I could not

understand how my family could talk so bad about a hard-working mom, no matter

who she was in the past. My family used her past as a stripper against her. Another

thing the I could not wrap my head around is how they could shame her for being a
stripper, but they did not shame Chad for marrying her after meeting her in the

strip club.

When talking about the reasons one would go into sex work, it is important

to be open to both the good and unfortunate reasons. There is a lengthy list of

unfortunate reasons why women might go into sex work; they could be stuck in

poverty, they could have a drug addiction, they could be raised into it, or they

could even be coerced into it. The good reasons could include financial stability

(depending on the kind of sex work) and because they genuinely enjoy it. No

matter what the reason is, society still separates themselves from sex workers. Not

only do people not think about the many reasons women go into sex work, but they

do not think of the job itself and how it affects them. Even if the women enjoy

using their body skills for profit, it can be a very degrading and dehumanizing job.

This can be because the job itself it already dehumanized, but it is also because of

the misogynistic world that we live in. In Gail Dines’ lecture, Pornland, she

expands on the idea that women must be portrayed in a specific way in porn. Porn

has the trending theme of violent, rough sex or a “stupid woman” stereotype. She

explains that porn needs to show this to separate the porn actors from reality.

Nobody would want to watch porn and imagine the woman that is getting slapped

and spit on as their mother or sister; they must believe that this is a “dirty slut” who

wants it. She also mentioned that if the porn industry did not portray women this
way, and porn-watchers realized what they were actually “getting off” to, they

might not be able to psychologically handle that. In Ronald Weitzer’s book, Sex

for Sale: Prostitution, Pornography, and the Sex Industry, he says that the porn

industry requires the actors/actresses to brace themselves before entering the

stigmatized world (Weitzer 47). It is very difficult to enter the industry, especially

as a woman, and maintain a healthy relationship with your own self because it is so

stigmatized and misogynistic.

However, when anyone becomes a sex worker because they genuinely

enjoy it, they are practicing sex positivity. Sex positivity has a very loose definition

because people have their own limitations and definitions for their way of

practicing sex positivity. It can be loosely defined as feeling free of shame in your

sexuality and your sex life. In Josh Saul’s article, “My Hooker Has a Face!”, he

writes about an escort named Hilary Holiday; when she began escorting, she would

not show her face online. Eventually, Holiday was getting backlash from this, so

she finally showed her face. Holiday told Newsweek, “Everybody knows I do this

with integrity. My kids have gone on nice trips; we have a hot tub in the yard. I’m

a good provider.” This a good example of sex positivity because she is free of the

shame that society puts on women and their sex life.

Amber Rose, a famous ex-stripper, has endured a lot of slut shaming

throughout her life; she became famous by dancing in rapper’s music videos, and
she went on to have relationships with some rappers. She is very much sex positive

in her life now; in an interview with Amanda Knox, Amber Rose says that

stripping was the best time of her life, and that she misses earning her money that

way. She empowers women to embrace their sexuality by hosting a Slut Walk

every year. Amber Rose did not create the Slut Walk, but she was inspired by a

Slut Walk in Canada in 2011 when a Toronto police officer told a group of female

students on campus that they shouldn’t dress like sluts if they didn’t want to be

sexually harassed; this sparked that Slut Walk, and women in Canada went to the

streets and protested. During Amber Rose’s Slut Walks, people march down the

streets holding up signs in protest of anyone that dares to sexually assault women.

They all came to say that sex does not equal shame.

Not everyone is in support of the Slut Walk. In 2016, the rapper, Lord Jamar

went onto Djvlad’s YouTube channel to take part in an interview about his

thoughts on the Slut Walk. He began by rolling his eyes. Lord Jamar said, “Sluts

should be shamed.” He followed this by saying that equal does not mean identical,

and he explained this by stating that a man entering a woman is not the same a

woman being entered. Some people might believe in just simply being more

modest; however, Lord Jamar took this to a different level. He not only missed the

entire point of Amber Rose’s Slut Walk, but what he said is the entire reason

Amber Rose has a Slut Walk in the first place. Another example like this is the
reaction to Megan the Stallion and Cardi B’s song, WAP. Cardi B was also a

stripper before she became famous just like Amber Rose. The song, WAP, stands

for “Wet Ass Pussy”, and it became popular very quick with both good and bad

reviews. Many men immediately posted their reactions to this song and its

pornographic lyricism; some said, “I would never want my daughter to say these

things”, “Cardi B’s daughter will be so ashamed when she grows up and sees this”,

etc. What is interesting is that male rappers make songs with all kinds of disturbing

language in it, whether it is about killing someone or having sex with many women

(with extra misogyny), nobody ever said anything to the male rappers like this.

Sex work and sex positivity is not easy. It can affect the relationships in your

life with your family, friends, or partners. Most people might assume that many

sex workers are not in intimate relationships because of their job; of course, not all

sex workers are in relationships just like not all people that aren’t sex workers are

in relationships, however, sex workers are still capable of intimate relationships.

According to the article, “‘He’s not my pimp’: Toward an understanding of

intimate male partner involvement in female sex work at the Mexico-US border”,

sex workers can rely more on the emotional aspect in their relationships than the

sex aspect. To make the sex with their partner more special, they will most likely

not wear condoms because with their clients on the job, they usually will wear a

condom.
 In conclusion, sex workers, no matter what form of sex work, are separated

from the rest of society. They are dehumanized by people and sometimes even

their own family. Very little people actually think about the reasons women go into

sex work, good or bad, people still look down upon them. Sex workers are exactly

like everyone else with jobs, family, kids, pets, etc. They are simply just people.

Sex positivity is very much alive in sex work and in the rest of society; it sets

people free of all their guilt and shame that is put onto their shoulders. Sex is not a

shameful act. As long as sex is equally consensual, it can empower someone. Sex

does not equal shame.

Work Cited

“Amber Rose on Fighting Against Slut-Shaming| The Scarlet Letter Reports.” Youtube, uploaded

by VICE Life, 5 December 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WximQA0vPwk.

 “Lord Jamar on Amber Rose’s “Slut Walk”: It’s Ridiculous, Sluts Should be

Shamed.”Youtube, uploaded by Djvlad, 4 November 2016,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-FoHjVcAJE&t=7s.

Mittal, María Luisa, et al. “‘He’s Not My Pimp’: Toward an Understanding of Intimate

Male Partner Involvement in Female Sex Work at the Mexico–US Border.” Culture,

Health & Sexuality, vol. 20, no. 9, Sept. 2018, pp. 961–975. EBSCOhost,

doi:10.1080/13691058.2017.1403651.

Weitzer, Ronald John. “Sex for Sale Prostitution, Pornography, and the Sex Industry.” 2009.

SAUL, JOSH. “My Hooker Has a Face!” Newsweek Global, vol. 167, no. 12, Sept. 2016, pp. 16–
17. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?
direct=true&AuthType=shib&db=pwh&AN=118207341&site=eds-live&scope=site.