Do I really need to tell you not to

try these moves at home?

Reprinting this comic without

written permission by the owner
is strictly prohibited.

(C) 2019-2020 by Dan Graffeo

 Who still needs to be
Hello everyone from ringside,
reminded to pull out my chair.
I'm Hal Dhuwan--

--along with Gabby Stukoff and we are coming to you from Boise,
Idaho, as the tournament for the International Heavyweight
Championship continues. Let's go to the brackets.

HD: As previously mentioned, Octane

automatically advances to the semi-finals. But
who will be waiting for him?

GS: My money is on Choi Ru, who

will face the pretty boy, Theseus.
HD: And from there, Frostbyt, who overcame
your pal, Mr. 80s, will face Sy Fiye, who along
with Giuseppie Tortellini, showed great
sportmanship in their match.
GS: I told everyone Mr. 80s wouldn't make
it past the first round and I'm predicting
the same for the dork in tin foil.
Sportsmanship doesn't win titles!
HD: Next, Taipan Taylor, despite his marketing
troubles, defeated the beast Neanderthal and
will now face the Lion himself, Tatendo
Chubuya.
GS: Look for Taipan to be on the
next flight to Down Under.

HD: Let's get to the

action!
 Well, you got a surprise coming
Yeah, MEN action. That's all we
your way.
get around here.

Wait, what did you say?

 Ladies and gentlemen, it is
time to continue the
tournament to crown
International Warrior
Wrestling's International
Heavyweight Champion!
The following match is
scheduled for one fall. Coming
down the aisle, lead by his
manager, Li Ru, from
Pyongyang, Korea, weighing
194 pounds...
Due to the double count-out in the
Lumberjack Jacques-El Fin match, Octane has
received a bye and will face the winner of the
upcoming match in the semi-finals!
...CHOI RU!
HD: Choi Ru making his way to
ringside and whoa! Look at the
stare down. Could this be a
sign of things to come?
GS: What did you mean I
had a surprise coming?
 HD: Theseus making
his way to ringside.
And his opponent, from
I'll bet this is going
Athens, Greece, weighing 228
to be a great
pounds...THESEUS! technical match.

GS: I doubt it. I

think Choi Ru is
gonna squash
him like he did
with Bullfrog.

GS: And what's this HD: You'll find out after this
damn surprise you match. Now I have a job to do.
talked about earlier!

GS: I don't like HD: Nice move by

surprises, Dhuwan. Theseus, going from a
headlock to a
hammerlock position.
 HD: Oh! A nice
takedown into a
submission by
Theseus.

GS: Li Ru shouting
something. She's
obviously telling Choi to
grab the rope.

HD: She's doing more than

telling him. Come on, ref, get
her away from there!

GS: The referee is doing

his job, Dhuwan. He's
telling Theseus to break
the hold.
 HD: Both combatants HD: And Theseus
going for another tie-up. with an armbar.

GS: Yeah, sweet move

by Choi!
 GS: Choi sending GS: I think the end is near...
Theseus off the ropes...

GS: Yeah, I think he's setting

Theseus up for that knee to
the back of the head.

HD: Nice try,

but no one
home.
 HD: You have to wonder
how either of these men HD: Both
are going to approach competitors are
Octane. much smaller.

GS: I'm sure Li

Ru already has
a plan.

HD: Now what is he doing

here? Nefremaat, still bitter
about being beaten in the
first round, thinks he has a
right to be at ringside.

GS: Well, he's obviously

coming for a better view.
Why not?
 HD: It's needless and
distracting.

GS: And it worked!

Choi with roll-up!
 HD: What are those
two talking about?

HD: Two and--No!

A kickout.

GS: What does it matter? HD: Did you forget about Li

They haven't broken any Ru with the bottom rope?
rules. Choi Ru went for a suplex...

HD: ...but Theseus answers with

one of his own!
 HD: Theseus gaining
momentum, but he's
got an army of enemies
outside the ring.

HD: Nice dropkick! Theseus

going to capitalize.

HD: Look at that! There's

your rule-breaking right
there, Gabby.
 HD: Choi Ru should be GS: Hey, if the
automatically disqualified. referee doesn't see it,
he can't call it.

HD: Theseus playing

possum and Choi Ru runs
smack into Nefremaat!
HD: A rollup!
Turn around,
ref!

GS: A reversal!
Turn around, ref! GS: One!

GS: Two!
 HD: Oh, Choi Ru
got caught using
the ropes!

HD: Thesues
going for some
kind of
submission.

HD: No, it's not a

submission! It's some kind
of rock-the-boat rollup!
 HD: Two!

HD: He got
him!

GS: Pearl Harbor by

Nefremaat. No
celebration for you,
pretty boy!
HD: It's not just Nefremaat, it's his minions too. HD:
Nefremaat
Theseus totally outnumbered! bashing
Theseus's
knee with
that metal
cane of his!

GS: He's gonna do

more than that, GS: A figure-
four with the
Dhuwan.
cane!

HD: Look who's coming to

even the odds! Heat
Lightning! Giuseppie
Tortellini! Taipan Taylor!
Lumberjack Jacques!
GS: Since when
did these guys
become
“buddies”?

HD: I don't know if

they're all “buddies,”
but they clearly
believe in a sense of
fair play.

HD: And now,

Jacques, with a
chokeslam on
Nefremaat!
GS: His minions may
be retreating, but
look at Nefremaat.
This definitely isn't
over.

he

GS: Yeah, slug him, HD: I think Taipan is trying to

GS: Why is Taipan Taylor
Theseus! explain the situation. Theseus
helping another contender?
seems to be calming down.

The winner of this

match...THESEUS!
GS: Well, Theseus
may have won this
match, but Octane
is waiting and I
don't like his odds.
 Well, IWW has signed
Ok, so spit it another wrestler and So it's a woman? Yes, indeed.
out, what's the she'll be joining us on
surprise?
commentary.

It's about freakin' Right down there.

time. So where is she?
 Gabby Stukoff, meet Mrs.
June Stone.

Sorry I'm late. I had some

last-minute paperwork to Hi, honey. I made it!
sign. Love you!

Mmmm. These are

Cookie?
amazing.
 Cookie? I don't eat
animal by-
products.

It's chocolate
No. Why don't you have
chip.
a seat, Mrs. Stone?

Oh sure! For her, you pull out the chair right

away! But I gotta keep telling you to pull out
mine!
 Stop thinking with your And on that note, we'll go to
(BLEEEP!) Dhuwan. our next match.

Ladies and gentlemen, the

following match is scheduled
for one fall and the winner will
be guaranteed a title match for
the International Heavyweight
Championship!
In the ring at this time, from La
Paz, Bolivia, weighing 515
pounds...EL FIN!

MS: A
guaranteed
title match?

HD: That's right. President DeSalle

thought that four wrestlers in the
tournament put on a great
performance and wants to give
them a second chance.

MS: Well,
that was
nice of her.

GS: But no women

will get a shot!

MS: I'm not interested in

wrestling a 500 pound man.
Are you?
 His opponent, from Chicago,
Illinois, weighing 245
pounds...Giuseppie
Tortellini!

MS: Oh,
Giuseppie! I met
him backstage.
He's such a
sweetheart.

GS: Yeah, a HD: He's got

real winner his work cut
too. out for him,
that's for sure.

HD: He came
GS: Yeah, close to beating
he's half the Sy Fiye. He just
weight of El had a little bad
Fin and twice luck at the last
as hairy.
minute.
 GS: Looks HD: El Fin
like he's got went for
some bad an
luck right avalanche,
now. but no
one
home!

MS: I think
Giuseppie's
luck is
changing.

HD: MS: Oooh, I

Giuseppie don't know
going for a if that's a
victory roll. good--
MS: --idea.

GS: Stick a
fork in
him...two...

HD: Just goes

GS: ...it's to show. One
over. mistake can
cost you.
 The winner of this
match...EL FIN!

GS: Forget Tortellini. Look at El

Fin! He may not be the first
champion, but he could be the
next.

HD: Absolutely.
Right now, we're
going to go to
“Higher Learning”
with Professor
Harpo.

But not betwixt similar combatants.

Recently, I've --That Rather, amidst an insolent ruffian and a
witnessed an means”bullying.” docile Elan vital who I once instructed
untenable cow-- at Berkeley.

It is my honor to offer my greatest

student, planet nurturer, and
involuntary martyr...”Green” Cecil
Green!
My friend, I had them turn up the lights full Thank you, Professor. But I'm not here to talk
blast so these simpletons can get a good about my bravery. I'm here to talk about
look at what a brave man looks like. bullying. Mr. 80s attacked and humiliated me
for no other reason than being a bad sport.

I mean, look at me. I-I'm shaking just

thinking about what he did.

You shut up you bunch of Don't listen to them, Cecil.

cretins! Everyone who is educated
knows that Idaho leads the
nation in bullying.
 You know why Mr. 80s attacked That means “jealous.”
you? Because he is jaundiced.

Mr. 80s wishes he had your managerial services. But you know he's nothing more than a
clown and unworthy of your time and talent. You have made Frostbyt a star. And in a few
minutes, you're going to make Sy Fiye suffer the same fate as Mr. 80s.

Absolutely correct, Professor. But I can't start

with Sy Fiye until I finish with 80s. Do you
realize I was hanging by my underwear for It's not funny!
almost an hour?
If Mr. 80s does not apologize, I Do you hear that 80s? You're going to get cancelled! You
will get him suspended for better get out here and beg for this fine gentleman's
assaulting a manager and get forgiveness!
him cancelled!

80s, we know your backstage

somewhere! We demand you
come out here and apologize!

Wise choice. Now make Cecil?

the apology good.
 How's your (BLEEEP!)

I thought you'd be hanging by your

tighty-whities for a few minutes. But an Shut up! Just shut up and apologize!
hour? That's got to do a number on Now!
your (BLEEEP!)

...I got you a replacement pair of

Ok, I apologize. And just to underwear. They're just like your old ones,
show there's no hard feelings... right down to the skid marks.
Kinda looks like a lonely tree in
the middle of a blizzard.

You're gonna get

Frostbyt again,
That's it! You're cancelled! Nobody
pal. You're
humiliates me and gets away with it!
gonna--

HD: A dirty sneak attack!

 GS: Mr. 80s is getting GS: Wow. They
exactly what he need a strategy
deserves! What a against a so-called
great set-up! “clown.”

HD: I think Frostbyt is going for

that devasting finisher he used
against Mr. 80s in their match.

GS: Look at that beautiful right hook.

Someone call for a stretcher! That's
what you get for embarassing Cecil
Green in front a crowd.

GS: I think that was cowardly.

Mr. 80s never even had a
chance to defend himself.
 This match is scheduled
One down, one to go. for one fall. Coming
down the aisle, with his
manager “Green” Cecil
Green, from Ross Island,
Antarctica, weighing 285
pounds...

His opponent, from Beyond

the Milky Way, weighing 337
pounds..,

...FROSTBYT!

...SY FIYE!
 HD: Gabby, if you're so concerned about being
humiliated in front of a crowd, how do you explain
Green slapping Mr. 80s?

GS: Oh come on! Look

at the size difference
between the two!

MS: Small people HD: Look at that,

cant be bullies? Frostbyt trying
to do his finisher,
but Sy Fiye
might be too
heavy.
 HD: He's HD: Oh and Sy Fiye
trying to go responds with his
for that own slam.
press again.

HD: You can bet that Taipan

Taylor and Tatendo “the Lion”
Chubuya are taking notes on
this match.

MS: Nicely done

hiplock. For a big
man, Sy Fiye is
pretty fast.
 HD: Legdrop. Will
that be enough
for the win?

GS: No way. It's gonna

take a lot more than
that to beat Frostbyt.

MS: What is he doing up on the apron?

 HD: Oh look,
another attack
from behind.

GS: That Cecil Green is nothing but HD: Frostbyt

a trouble-maker. with a back
body drop
into a bridge.

GS: I think he's got em!

 GS: And quit picking on
MS: No, he Green. You, 80s, Sy Fiye,
doesn't.
where does it end?

HD: Sleeper HD: Sy Fiye

hold! trying to
fight it, but
he's fading.

HD: Referee
Sean Feingold
going for the
hand....One...
 GS: Two! Come on, Frostbyt,
keep that pressure on!

MS: Sy
Fiye's MS: Look at
hand is him fire
still in the back!
air.

HD: Frostbyt
releases the
hold.
 HD: Sy Fiye sends
him off the ropes,
looking to
capitalize on his
momenum.

HD: Uh oh, I
think it's time
for the U.V.W.!

HD: Big powerslam!

GS: Here we go again! Big

MS: There he is
again, causing tough Sy Fiye!
trouble!
 Unity! Victory!

GS: Have
you thought
about a new
prescription
for those
glasses?

Watch the skies! WA-HOOO!

HD: OH! A fist to the back

of the head!
 GS: Ha! Ha! That was
awesome! Funniest
moment in the
tournament!

MS: I think he's

GS: Did you unconscious.
see the way he
landed face
first? Classic!

HD: I think HD: Three. Good night, Sy Fiye.

so too.
 GS: Beautiful
knockout punch The winner of this
by Frostbyt. The match...FROSTBYT!
referee counted
three. Let's get
the official word.

Ok, the shrimp on the barbie was

No more gimmicks. a little over-the-top. But we can't
get rid of the koala bear. You look
adorable with it.

But people remembered you. There's

more to wrestling than just wrestling.
I don't want to look adorable!
There's merchandise and building a
fanbase. You got to be willing to play
ball a little.
 Ok, forget the shrimp on the barbie.
What do you have in
mind? From now on, you can carry this.

A boomerang. Ripper. What Right. I'll do the hat

am I suppose to do with this? and boomerang, but
no more koala bears.
Just bring it to the ring.
It goes great with the
hat we gave you.

Ok. No more koala bears. That's

What special cart?
okay. We got enough stuff that
screams Australia. We even got you
a special cart to go to the ring with.
It's in the hangar. And going to
the ring in it is non-negotiable.

Well, we have a few minutes before our next match.

Oh no. Why don't you tell the folks watching a little bit about
yourself, Mrs. Stone?

Let's see. I'm from the great state of Indiana. I

spent years doing gymnastics and wrestling. I got
married last year to Mr. Stone.
 No, I told Mr. Stone that we can't I'll bet your husband misses
Any children? have a family until I have this last big your baking. These cookies
adventure here in IWW. And here I are out of this world.
am.

Thank you. I love cooking. I like to Do you hear a tea kettle

Do you hear a tea kettle
keep the house tidy and take care of whistling?
whistling?
Mr. Stone when he gets home from--

Gabby?
 Idiots like you are setting women back
a hundred years!

AAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!

Oh my, she's a (BLEEEP!) isn't

she?

Mrs. Stone!
Uh, let's get to The following contest is scheduled for one fall.
our final match, Coming down the aisle, from Asmara, Eritrea,
weighing 290 pounds...TATENDO “THE
shall we?
LION” CHUBUYA!

HD: Here he comes. The

former Eritrean
Champion who
relinquished that title
and still remains
undefeated.

MS: And the

winner of this
match will face
Frostbyt, right?

HD: Yes,
indeed.
 His opponent, from Hopevale, Queensland, HD: Taipan Taylor
about to come
Australia, weighing 308 pounds...TAIPAN
through the
TAYLOR! curtain.
MS:
That's not
him, is it?

HD: No, it appears

to be some kind of
driver for--whoa!
Look at this.

MS: Oh. Oh
dear.

HD: The crowd finding

this amusing and eye-
rolling as Taipan Taylor
makes his way to the
ring in that giant
kangaroo pouch.

MS: He
doesn't
look
happy.
 MS: Tatendo Chubuya HD: Taipan
certainly got a good sporting a
bandage on his
laugh from it. arm due to a
bite mark
courtesy of
Neanderthal.

MS: He certainly looks

ready to fight as he's
quickly shedding all
his accessories.

HD: Oh, a big spear on Tatendo!

 HD: And
this HD: Knee to
match is the groin by
on its Tatendo.
way.

MS: I don't
believe the
referee saw that.

HD: Apparently not.

And it's put the Lion
in control of the
match.
MS: Is Gabby HD: I don't know but you're a welcome change.
coming back?

HD: A reverse neckbreaker

by Tatendo the Lion!
HD: This could be
it for Taipan.

HD: Two HD: No. Gets the

and... shoulder up.
 HD: I noticed that too. I think that's the Lion's
MS: That was a very nonchalant main weakness. He's overconfident and that
cover Tatendo made. could mean the difference between a win and
loss.

MS: Maybe he
doesn't realize
that because he's
undefeated.

HD: Tatendo misses the

elbow and Taipan responds
with a shoulder smash!
 HD: Tatendo HD: Dropkick by
quickly gets up Taipan Taylor!
and goes for the
charge!

MS: That's not

fair! Tatendo
gouged him
right in the
eyes!
 HD: And a
snapmare
puts Taipan
onto the
canvas.

MS:
Tatendo MS: Now why
going to is he just
the top standing
rope. there?

HD: A flying clothesline!

That could put him away!
 MS: There's that nonchalant cover again. MS: He's barely hooking the leg.

HD: Tatendo starting to get

MS: And Taipan still has some fight left.
a little frustrated, I think

HD: Oh, look who's watching from the curtain.

Gabby's manager, Professor Harpo.
 MS: Why is he so
interested in this match?

HD: I don't know. Tatendo went for

a boot and Taipan caught it!

HD: A reverse front

face lock. Taipan may
be going for that 180
piledriver!
 HD: No, Tatendo
gets out of it and
the referee
caught in the
crossfire!

HD: Now the referee

and Taipan both in a
daze.

MS: Where's
he going? Oh
no, he's going
for the bell.

MS: Look
out Taipan!
 HD: A total assault with the MS: This is
bell! And now the Lion a travesty
of justice.
tossing it out of the way!

HD: And HD: Two.

Tatendo with
that triumphant
look on his face
as he covers.
HD: Wait, the referee
stopped counting.

MS: I think he saw the HD: He's calling

blood on the bell and over announcer
Taipan's head. He's Roy Quentin.
putting two and two What's he
together. saying?

The winner of this match...as a result

of a disqualification...TAIPAN MS: Yes!
TAYLOR!
 HD: The Lion MS: He hit the
outraged by the
referee!
decision as he
grabs the referee
in protest.

HD: Well you can bet

that he won't get away
with that.

MS: He shouldn't. The HD: Look at this meeting of the minds HD: Something tells me
universal rule is you as Tatendo Chubuya heads for the this is a long way from
can get as mad as you being over.
locker room.
want, but you don't
touch the third person
in the ring.
 It looks like Professor Harpo
has taken an interest in Well Mrs. Stone, it's been a
Tatendo. pleasure having you on
Or perhaps Taipan Taylor. Don't forget commentary. I hope you--
this puts Taipan in the semi-finals and
the Lion is officially gone from the
tournament.

Shut it, Dhuwan! And as for you, ya little prissy,

President DeSalle has booked my wrestling debut for
next time! Once you see what I can do, you're gonna
want to run back to the kitchen where you belong!
 What do you think I think she needs a good
about that, Mrs. Stone? (BLEEEP!)

Heh, heh! And on that note, we

will see you next time as the
tournament continues.