Survival
My German acquaintance pays for an extremely expensive sur-
viving tour in Brazll every year, during which he is Ieft alone in
the middle of the rain forest with a knife and a box of matches,
and he has to make the best of the situation. Many have bit the
dust already in the big survival.
This is what I had in mind when I was heading for my week-
end cottage on our hill, but left the key at home. I had to get into
the house, at any rate, therefore I felt for a minute as if I was sit-
ting in the middle of theBrazil'ian rain forest and my task would
be to render an alligator hannless with a felt-tip pen.
Oops, did the felt-tip occur to me. I was meditating, and start-
ed fiddling around. I tried the door that I do not use normally.
The tiny end of the key was peeping out from the inside. I pushed
the hollow end of the felt-tip pen on the end of the key with a
sudden movement and carefully turned it in the lock. Marvel of
marvels, I got in.
No longer, I thought, would anything stop me from making
dinner for my guests. lJnfortunately it turned out that the survival
practice was not over yet. While I was opening the canned toma-
toes, the tin opener failed, the old-manual-one-Forint coin broke.
The big knife while I stroke its point into the top of the tin
slipped, I cut my hand. As there was no gauze in the Braztlian
mountain cellars, I tied the bleeding wound with a towel. And of
course when I took the towel from the clothes dryer, I bent down
too far and hit my head on a projecting sharp tube. I roared, and
thought that it would be a lot simpler if my guests liked bacon.
Soon after I leant heavily on the washbasin and it came off
with a crash and I noticed that somebody - and again - put the
matches upside down into the matchbox. I cooled off and asked
destiny, "*hy does not anyone pay me for holding my own in my
survival camps for decades?"
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Tu1616s
N6met ismerosdm minden 6vben befizet egy m6regdriryabtazihar
tirl6l6si prSbfra, amelynek sor6n kiteszik ot az oserdo kozepdre,
adnak a kezebe egy k6st meg egy doboz gyuf6t, s fel kell talSlnia
magffi. Tobben otthagyt6k m6r a fogukat a nagy tril6l6sben.
Erre gondoltam, amikor a hegytinkon l6v6 h6tv6gi hhzamba
igye-keztem, a kulcsot viszont otthon felejtettem. Mindenk6ppen
be kellett jutnom a hhzba, ezdrt egy pillanatra ugy lreztem
magam, mintha a braziliai oserd6 kellos kozepdn tiln6k, s az
volna a feladatom, hogy egy filctollal 6rtalmatlanftsak egy alig6-
tort.
Hopp, jutott eszembe a filctoll. Tunodtem, s buherdlni kezdtem.
Azon az alton pr6b6lkoztam, amelyen egydbk6nt nem szoktam
ffijdrni. A kulcs par6nyi v6ge beliilrol kandikSlt kifeld. A filctoll
tireges v6gdt hirtelen mozdulattal r6nyomtam a kulcsv6gre, s 6vatos
mozdulattal elfordftottam a zarban. Csod6k csod6ja, bejutottam.
Ugy gondoltam, imm6ron nincs ktilonosebb akad6lya annak,
hogy esti venddgeimnek vacsor6t k6szftsek. Sajnos kideriilt, hogy a
tril6ldsi gyakorlatnak nincs v6ge. A konzerv paradicsom felnyit6sa-
kor a tekeros konzervnyit6 csodot mondott, a regi-kdzi-egyforintos
eltdrott. A nagy k6s, melynek hegydt beleutottem a konzervdoboz
tetej6be, megcsitszott, elv6gtam a kezem, s mivel 96z nincs a
braziliai hegyi pinc6kben, elkotdttem averzo sebet egy tortilkozov-
el. No persze amikor a tortjlkozot leemeltem a fregolir6l, tfl mdlyre
hajoltam, s belevSgtam a fejemet a ki6ll6 hegyes csobe, orditottam,
s arra gondoltam, mennyivel egyszenibb lenne, ha szeretn6k a
venddgeim a szalonnilt.
Nem sokkal azuthn, hogy r6teh6nkedtem a mosd6kagyl6ra, s
az nemlk6pp leszakadt, illetve 6szrevettem, hogy valaki (m6r
megint) fordiWa tette be a gyuf6kat a gyufits skatuly5ba, lelo-
hadtam, s art k6rdeztem a sorst6l: nekem mi6rt nem fizet senki
azdrt, hogy 6vtizedek 6ta helyt6llok sajSt kis tul6l6 tdborairnban?
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