Amy’s dead

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 Sean Mark

Sean, an attractive youngish Silicon Valley type, is talking to his buddy, Mark, and is pleading for
help. His girlfriend is lying nearby and she is dead.

Sean doesn’t know how she dies as he is fucked up, drugged out, hiding in the bathroom after a
fight with her. When he finally emerged, she is lying on the floor, naked and dead.

For all their intelligence and wealth (they might as well be Sean Parker and Mark Zuckerberg)
they are clueless. What they do know is they are both implicated and better do something or they
are ruined.
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The girl, Amy, was ‘goth, ‘ mysterious, intelligent, sexy, stylish, rebellious. No one knew she
and Sean were seeing each other.

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Sean is callous. “She’s dead. No one knows who she is or where she’s from. If anyone
finds out, I am completely fucked. You are completely fucked. I never had to get rid of
a dead body before.”

Here they, are, titans of a global, digital empire, clueless.

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 Root

Meanwhile Amy is in heaven, observing, not unlike the Greek gods of yore. She is
being interviewed by Root, a French journalist who speaks to new arrivals in the
category, know as ‘splats.’ Splats are those that have died an unusual death, other
than those from war, famine, pestilence. Amy’s death may fall into that category,
so Root is investigating.
Root writes in his notepad (old school). He doesn’t use a quill. He uses a Mont
Blanc fountain pen.

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AMY: Look a these bozos, titans of industry, wealth in ten ROOT: Where’ that?
figures and they can’t find the bathroom without a
map. They’re afraid to use their phones since they AMY: In fucking freezing Vermont.
know that once they do that they will be part of history
forever. Victims of their own success. ROOT: Is that a good school?

ROOT: I’ve heard that before. AMY: Supposedly. It’s considered a ‘little Ivy League’
college.
AMY: Sorry. I skipped English in college.
ROOT: What did you study?
ROOT: Where did you go to college?
AMY: Art History.
AMY: Middlebury.
ROOT: Where did that lead you?
ROOT: Where’s that?
AMY: Here.
AMY: Middlebury.
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Sean is alone again as Mark has left to get help. There is a pounding at the door
and Sean cracks the door and Alexander Hamilton and Guglielmo Marconi burst in,
confronting him about Amy’s death. They are ‘Gobacks.’ More of that later.

Sean deflects their aggression because Hamilton is a Constitutionalist (having written

it) and realizes that they are violating Sean’s rights.

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 Tom

In heaven, Thomas Jefferson explains to notion of Gobacks to Root. They are both looking
at the details of Amy’s death and the consequences and actions of Sean (and Mark).

As Tom says, some in heaven want to ‘go back’ for whatever reason. It wouldn’t be
fair for them to return with all the experience and knowledge they’ve gained, so they
are ‘scrubbed’ of their knowledge and experience. However, heaven being a less than
perfect place, allows some gobacks to escape scrubbing. The unlikely pair of Hamilton
and Marconi are an example.

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Mark and Denver are walking back to Sean’s apartment. Denver is a brilliant, Black,
partner in their enterprises. Denver also has a great deal of ‘street smarts.’ That means
that he can deal with shit like this.

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Hamilton and Marconi are in an all night diner discussing their next step. Hamilton gives
Marconi a little history lesson.

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Sean, Mark, and Richard discuss the next step. Denver questions Sean’s integrity a bit. They
discuss the various means of disposing of Amy’s body. Some are pretty weird, but logical. The last
is dismembering the body.

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Root interviews another splat, Linda Joyce Glucoft, six years old. Linda acts and talks like an
adult. Linda is a victim of dismembering. Linda suggests that Root interview Virginia Rappe.

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The boys are still discussing options. The latest, just throwing her body into a dumpster.
In heaven, Amy is appalled at the carelessness of the boys.

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Root is in Schwab’s Drugstore interviewing Virginia. Many celebrities hang out there, Lana
Turner in her tight sweater, Charlie Chaplin is coming on to Marion Davies, Buster Keaton is the
counterman.

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Root interviews Virginia but doesn’t get any gory details as Virginia was a wreck
when everything happened. The night is complete when William Randolph
Hearst comes in and starts shooting at Chaplin. Some innocent people are killed.

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THE SPLATS INTERVIEWS

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A housewife electrocutes herself when her boombox falls into the tub.

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A conservative banker strangles himself accidentally while
playing a sex game…

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A teenager shoots himself at Russian Roulette…

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A Russian pilot has his son crash the airliner…

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A Flying Wallenda doesn’t…
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A child is run over by a Mr. Frostee truck…

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An actor kills himself with a ‘blank pistol’…

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A caveman is gored…

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An early Christian disemboweled…
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Caesar, betrayed…

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Then Mr. Iragami, a Japanese tourist is eaten by a bear in Yellowstone
Park while having his picture taken next to the creature. A baby
bear runs off with his leg. It’s all there on film, grainy.

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Root interviews Neo, a perfect Neolithic man dressed in Savile Row attire. They discuss a far range
of subjects ranging from Margaret duMont (from Marx Brothers fame) to the confusion of modern
technology, Neo preferring the simplicity of his past life, even though it meant moving large rocks.

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Back at the apartment, Denver has come up with the solution, roll her up in a carpet and put her in
the trunk of a car. They discuss Amy’s weight.

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Root is in an olive grove interviewing a long haired man that looks like Jesus.
After a bit, the guy admits that he’s an actor and made a good living making
Christian films until he got too old. Root never gets to asking how he died.

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Denver comes up with the idea to get a beater car, place Amy’s body in the trunk, and have the
car crushed at a scrapyard. Sean thinks it’s too cruel but Denver reminds him of alternatives,
none.
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The guys try to steal a car but are confronted by a security guard. Denver talks his way
out of trouble, but Sean stays and is confronted by Hamilton and Marconi. He weasels his
way out of trouble when the same security guard meets up with Hamilton and they discuss
dueling pistols. Hamilton and Marconi leave when they see a crowd gathering.

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Meanwhile Denver scores a cab by hacking a cash machine.

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They start to take Amy’s body down the stairs wrapped in a carpet but
they are confronted by the landlady, Mrs. B. She particularly confronts
Denver, who is also Black but since Mrs. B is blind, how does she know?
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Anyway, Root is now discussing Amy with Aeschylus, yeah, that one. Heaven is a great country.
Aeschylus wrote great tragedies and Root wondered whether Amy qualified as a tragedy. Aeschylus
notes that HIS passing was a tragedy.

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Root then speaks to an American Indian, Wasee Mazza. They discuss Amy
and the chief and Indians. The chief is pessimistic about the white men
being captured since white men always won against the Indians (in the end).
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Back in the USA, Sean is driving the car with Amy’s body in the trunk to the scrap yard. He is
overtaken by a car with Hamilton and Marconi. After a confrontation he challenges Hamilton
to a duel. Sean cheats and kills Hamilton, then shoots Marconi.

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At the junk yard Sean meets Alejandro who besides crushing cars, makes junk art,
sculptures. Sean talks Alejandro into making a block sculpture table out of the
car.
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An industrial crane installs the ‘table’ in Sean’s apartment. Sean has to have a window
removed from the apartment to get the table in. It’s a big deal.

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Sean has a party to celebrate the table. At the party, a young Japanese girl startles Sean and the guys
by mentioning lost women and blood. The girl is in a sophisticated wheelchair, but after the party
(and sex) she walks to the bathroom. Sean hallucinates thinking he’s a god.
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Root is interviewing Anne Boleyn, former wife of Henry VIII. Anne is aghast that Amy has been made into
a table. Anne goes over her experiences with Henry, including her beheading, an early form of divorce.

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Root and Amy discuss all the goings on after her death.
Amy discusses her family and some lifetime goings on.

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Hamilton and Marconi are back in heaven discussing their mutual stupidities, especially Hamilton
being killed in the same place twice.

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The Malleus Maleficarum is discussed a bit concerning
Medieval treatment and concerns for witches.

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Finally, there is an extravagant party in a beautiful palazzo in Venice (heaven). Sean shows up
and catches Amy’s eye- an awkward moment. Mick Jagger rises and starts to sing SYMPATHY
FOR THE DEVIL, dances across the table, splashing food and drink on everyone. Amy turns
to Root and asks what Jagger is doing there.
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“PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF…”

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