SHAKESPEARE

Shakespere
SHAKESPEAR
Shakspeare
Shackspeare
Shakpere
Shakesper
SHAGSPUR
Shaxper
Shexpere
Shaxpere
Shagspere
Shaxpe

by JOE PYTK A
His name was spelled in a variet y of ways , but never, Shakespeare. It was pronounced Shaxpur. Signatures
are the only writings extant of Shaksper of Stratford.

There is not a single word in manus cript of the plays or poems to connect him , by direct evidence, with the
Shakespeare works.

There is not a letter, a phras e, or a word that is k now n to exis t in his handwriting. There is not the slightes t
proof that he could expres s hims elf in handwriting at all.

and yet ...

... 38 plays, 154 sonnets, 2 narrative poems.

FUNK | 3
LONDON
1623
A tavern where a number of f lamboyant elderly chaps are telling s tories , not unlike the comedians in Woody
Allen’s BROADWAY DANNY ROSE .
STORIES
Two of the group are JOHN HEMINGES and
HENRY CONDELL and they are ex mates of
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE , actors , and are
dis cus sing the publishing of SHAKESPEARE’S
works in a folio.
During SHAKESPEARE’S lifetime, the works were
never in any f inal form due to the politics and
unusual busines s practices of the period , and the
lads feel this injus tice mus t be redres s ed so the late
Bard can ‘live in fame, though not in life.’
They regale each other with s tories , some true, some his early fatherhood with an older woman , ANNE
not , all interes ting. They speak of Shakespeare’s HATHAWAY, his parallel but tragic, love with
youth and his love of t wo women though but a lad , another, ANNE WHATELEY.
They speak of his carousing in London , avoiding his
family responsibilities in his home in Stratford. He
manages the hors es of theatergoers and begins small
parts , then , with his charm , wit , and ambition
performs with an as tonishing pres ence, attracting
play wrights and impresarios , by improving the text
with his performances.
He makes the trip back to Stratford on occasion to
look after his family and visit his true love ANNE
WHATELEY, who is an underground nun of
the Augus tinian order. Catholics are pers ecuted by
QUEEN ELIZABETH but are an underground and
a malevolent pres ence in the England of the time, a
cons tant threat.
They speak of his mus e, THE DARK LADY, a
Moor from a superior culture, that advis es him of,
well , life. A life that Londoners have not k now n as
the Moorish culture has been sys tematically
des troyed by Elizabeth.
The Dark Lady furthers SHAKESPEARE’S
education with her superior k nowledge and
experience and introduces him to the K AMA
SUTR A .
The boys also speak of OXFORD who has furtively
sought out WILL after s eeing him ris e above
mediocre work with his acting gifts. OXFORD
would love to be a play wright and poet but the work
is beneath his s tation.
OXFORD is an easy subject for the gos sipy actors.
He is rumored to be the illegitimate son of the
VIRGIN QUEEN, born when she was but thirteen
and rais ed as a foundling. He is also rumored to
have had a son by the aforementioned QUEEN. It’s
hard to des cribe the genealog y. MARLOWE enters
the gos sip as well.
He was the same age as THE BARD but is an
infamous atheis t and is pursued by THE CROWN
for his ‘beliefs.’ He is suppos ed to have been
murdered in a tavern brawl but the s tor y that the
actors tell is of his death being ‘s taged’ skillfully
enough to convince his pursuers that he is indeed
dead. His craft endures with SHAKESPEARE’S
help. The actors gos sip about the inner workings of
an Atheis t , a Catholic, in an Anglican civilization.
There are many rumors about that THE BARD was
indeed a Catholic, perhaps becaus e a nun was the
real love of his life.
There are s tories of R ALEIGH , DR AKE ,
ELIZABETH , and WILL turning on to the herbs
and spices brought back from the adventurers’
travels both to THE NEW WORLD and AROUND
THE WORLD.
Elizabeth continues to belie and deny her VIRGIN
QUEEN s tatus and there are rumors that the young,
vibrant , charming SHAKESPEARE introduces her
to some of his K AMA SUTR A k nowledge, all
probably gos sip but expected from the reprobate
actors.
There is even a s tor y about THE DARK LADY The exotic herbs and spices worked as an aphrodisiac
introducing the QUEEN to the bath , a rarit y at that to THE QUEEN and added to the s ensual pleasures of
time in England. weed (and perhaps cocaine).
One of the funnies t tales was of the young men and They were unbridled in their acceptance of their lot
boys that played the female characters ons tage. and embraced thos e characters , PORTIA , JULIET,
LADY MACBETH . Their parties were something
to behold in that repres s ed time.
The GUNPOWDER PLOT was a curious topic.
The rumors that SHAKESPEARE was a subversive
Catholic cannot be agreed upon among them and
SHAKESPEARE and KING JAMES were friends
with JAMES supporting SHAKESPEARE’S various
endeavors including JAMES’ support of the acting
company, THE KING’S MEN.
MACBETH was THE BARD’S ‘homage’ to THE
KING and the KING’S love and belief in WITCHES
and WICHCR AF T. Another of SHAKESPEARE’S
themes was that ‘killing a King is always wrong,’ so
CATESBY and FAWKES went to their doom sans
THE BARD.
They also dis cus s the mys ter y of the 46th psalm in Of cours e there are tales of the experiences
the KING JAMES BIBLE , and the connection to performing the various plays , from HAMLET to
SHAKE and SPEARE contained 46 lines from each SHYLOCK . THE WITCHES became a favorite of
other written in THE BARD’S 46th year. the gay communit y of actors.
SHAKESPEARE’S sudden departure from London The circums tances of her disappearance were never
is explained by the disappearance of THE DARK explained and there were many s tories of murder,
LADY. drugs , suicide, none conf irmed. She was gone in as
a mys terious a way as she appeared.
The actors became aware of THE BARD’S death in
Stratford becaus e of the rings he bequeathed them
in his will (in which he left his s econd bes t bed to
his wife). It took them a while to think of this f inal
and important ges ture to s eal his memor y. They
had many problems with the proper printing at
that time. They had to acquire the materials that
had been s cattered almos t to the wind through the
vagaries of what was then , theater.
The original printer died during the proces s ad-
ding to the problems but the FIRST FOLIO was
f inally complete and cemented SHAKESPEARE’S
gifts for all time and led to this celebration in this
modes t tavern where thes e tales were revisited as
were others , some true, some not.
THE CHAPS
THE PLAYERS
THE END