SELF-LOVE

GUIDE
How to Create Strong
Personal Boundaries

LUNA & SOL

TABLE OF CONTENTS Page

Transcript 1

What Are Personal Boundaries? 1

Why Are Personal Boundaries So Important? 1
18 Signs You Have Poor Personal Boundaries 2

Why Do We Suffer From Poor Personal Boundaries? 2

5 Myths About Personal Boundaries 3
12 Benefits of Creating Strong Personal Boundaries 4

Creating Strong Boundaries – Worksheets 8

LUNA & SOL

WWW.LONERWOLF.COM

© Luna & Sol

 1.

Transcript

FLAME
If you struggle with energy loss and issues such as overcommitment, lack
of assertiveness, and peer pressure, keep reading. It’s time to draw a
clear line and reclaim your personal power.

HOW TO ATTRACT YOUR

What are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are the mental, emotional, and physical walls we

create to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, or violated by
others. These limits help us to clearly distinguish who we are and what
we need, from other people and their needs. Creating and maintaining
personal boundaries is a key way to cultivate physical, emotional, and
psychological well-being.

Why Are Personal Boundaries So Important?

Personal boundaries are an essential part of creating and upholding a

healthy self-image. When a person has strong personal boundaries, it
communicates to the world that they exude healthy self-respect and
self-worth. Hence, creating boundaries makes us feel good about
ourselves and preserves our personal integrity.

But without personal boundaries, we run the risk of confusing our needs
and wants with others, which leads to codependency. Codependency is a
term that describes a toxic one-sided relationship. It is impossible to
enjoy a healthy relationship without strong and clear boundaries.
LUNA & SOL
WWithout
W W . L Opersonal
N E R W O boundaries,
LF.COM there is also the risk of experiencing
heightened stress and feelings of hopelessness. Overcommitting to
everyone and everything tends to take a serious toll on your mental
health, which can eventually lead to burnout. Or worse: a nervous
breakdown.

Finally, a lack of personal boundaries can result in feelings of being

worthless, weak, or not good enough. In other words, our self-esteem is
severely impacted and we might struggle with issues such as chronic
self-doubt or self-loathing. Not being able to voice our truth and
communicate our needs in a clear way can be deeply distressing.
 2.

18 Signs You Have Poor Personal Boundaries

FLAME
Pay attention to the following signs:

You fail to speak up when you’re treated badly

You give away too much of your time
HOW TO ATTRACT YOUR
You agree with a person when you actually feel like disagreeing
You say “yes” to a person when you want to say “no”
You feel guilty for dedicating time to yourself
You feel taken for granted by others
You permit people to touch you when you feel uncomfortable or want
them to stop
You have toxic relationships (i.e. you are always giving, and the other is
always taking)
You make too many grand sacrifices for others at your own expense
You are passive aggressive and might have manipulative tendencies (as a
way of trying to regain your lost power)
You constantly feel like the victim
You feel like you have to “earn” respect by being nice
You over-share details about your life with others
You feel guilty when others aren’t happy (as if you’re responsible)
You are what other people want/need you to be, and not who YOU need
to be
You’re out of touch with your needs
You attract people who try to control or dominate you
You have chronic fear about what others think of you

LWhy
U NDo
A We
& Suffer
S O LFrom Poor Personal Boundaries?
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Before you blame yourself for having poor boundaries, stop for a
moment. I want you to understand that it wasn’t your fault, but it is your
responsibility to now develop strong boundaries. So take a moment to
feel some compassion for yourself.

As children, we had no control what our parents, teachers, and the adults
around us taught us. Most people who possess absent or weak personal
boundaries were set a bad example when young. Observing codependent
dynamics within our families contributed a lot to this issue, as well as
being taught that love = what we did, not who we were.
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As a child, the first role models you had of “acceptable” behavior were

FLAME
your parents and family members. So pause to reflect here: what
messages did your mother, father, siblings, or other adults send to you
growing up? Were you only given love when you pretended to be who
your parents wanted you to be? Were you only rewarded when you went
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out of the way to sacrifice your needs and desires in favor of someone
else’s? Were you punished for saying “no” or speaking up? Did you feel
obliged to emotionally “take care” of an adult, perhaps a parent? These
were all signs that you were taught that lacking personal boundaries
equaled a “good” thing.

5 Myths About Personal Boundaries

If you struggle with setting clear boundaries, you might carry a number
of mistaken beliefs that you were conditioned to believe.

Here are some myths that I want you to become aware of:

1. “Having personal boundaries is selfish.” This is an unhealthy

perception. Having personal boundaries is a form of self-respect and is
part of possessing good self-esteem. All mentally and emotionally healthy
people possess boundaries.

2. “Having personal boundaries will cause my relationships to suffer.” If

you are in a codependent relationship, creating boundaries will most
certainly create uncomfortable waves of change. If your partner is
Lcodependently
U N A & Sentangled
OL with you, he/she will be shocked and will
certainly resist your efforts to be happy and healthy. The same thing
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goes for codependent friendships. If this is the case, I encourage you to
consider whether being in a toxic relationship/friendship is worth it. Any
healthy and supportive relationship will actually THRIVE and encourage
the establishment of personal boundaries.

3. “Having personal boundaries will cause people to dislike me.” This is

only partly true. The reality is that yes, setting clear boundaries might
step on a few people’s toes. But creating boundaries will also cause more
people to respect, hear, and like you. There is nothing more admirable
than a person who refuses to take bullshit from others. Not only that but
when you set boundaries, you will actually attract more people who are 
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willing to respect you and be authentic friends/lovers.

FLAME
4. “Having personal boundaries will make me miserable.” This is a
common concern. But my response is simple: creating personal
boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but pretty soon it’ll make
you feel empowered and in control of your life again. So the opposite
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here is true: having personal boundaries will actually make you MUCH
happier!

5. “Having personal boundaries sounds rigid.” Personal boundaries are

not black or white or set in stone. They are flexible according to your
needs in the moment.

12 Benefits of Creating Strong Personal Boundaries

Here’s what you can expect from putting in the hard work of setting
clear boundaries:

You’ll be able to say “no”

You’ll feel empowered again
You’ll feel more in control of your life
You’ll attract healthy + supportive partners and friends
You’ll have more mental, emotional, and physical energy
You’ll be able to speak up and be heard
You’ll feel more appreciated and valued
You’ll be more in touch with your needs
You’ll spend more time on yourself (without the guilt)
LYou’ll
U N experience
A & S Omore L emotional balance and happiness
You’ll experience increased self-esteem and self-worth
WYou’ll
W W . Lfeel
O Nmore
E R W courage
O L F . C Oand
M freedom to be yourself

Remember that these qualities won’t develop overnight, but with

practice and persistence, you will be able to experience these wonderful
benefits.

How to Create Personal Boundaries That People Don’t Ignore

Creating boundaries is less about other people and more about you and
the beliefs and mindsets you have. The following practices and pieces of
advice will help you to target both your core beliefs and habitual 
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behaviors.

1. Understand that you have the right to have boundaries

FLAME
Lurking underneath the surface of people-pleasing behavior is the belief
that we “have no right” to set boundaries. It’s time to challenge this
ingrained assumption. Why are others allowed to have boundaries and
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not you? Why must you feel like a lesser human being and elevate others
above yourself? It is a fundamental right of all human beings to have
personal boundaries. Consider it your birthright to establish boundaries
that define and protect you. Not only is it your right to create
boundaries, but it is also your responsibility.

2. Understand that your thoughts, feelings, and needs are equally important
to others

No one’s thoughts, feelings or needs are “above” anyone else’s. Social

status is an illusion created by the human mind – in other words, the
Queen of England’s needs are equal to a homeless person’s needs. The
only division created between us and others exists in the mind.
Therefore, you are not “less important,” valuable, or worthy than others.
Your needs are equally important to those in your life. Learn to see
yourself as equal to others. Affirm your worth each and every day with a
mantra such as “I am worthy and my needs are important.” Learn to
distrust and disagree with those who try to make you think or feel
otherwise.

3. Explore your needs

LUNA & SOL
WLikely,
W W . Lyou
O N Edon’t
R W Ohave
LF.Cmuch
O M experience or knowledge of your needs,
especially if you ignore them to cater to other’s demands. Now is the
time to start learning more about yourself. Keep a daily journal in which
you record your thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires. Practicing self-
reflection and introspection will help you to become more in tune with
what you really need at any given moment. Practicing mindfulness is
another powerful way to know what boundaries you need to set during
the day. Dedicate to a self-discovery practice each day and aim to learn
more about who you are and what you really want out of life. This is one
of the best ways to begin setting personal boundaries. A fun way to start
learning about who you are is by taking self-discovery tests (take a look 
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at our tests).

FLAME
4. Practice daily self-care (because you’re worth it!)

Practicing daily self-care is a supplementary practice that will bolster

your ability to set clear personal boundaries. When you get into the habit
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of nurturing yourself, you are already setting yourself up for success.
You’re sending yourself the message that “I’m worth taking care of.”
Setting firm boundaries will then seem like the next natural step in your
self-care routine.

Simple ways to perform self-care include taking time to relax, practicing

meditation, making delicious and nutritious food for yourself, exercising,
setting daily goals, complimenting yourself, rewarding yourself, taking a
nap, connecting with nature, drinking a soothing cup of tea, and many
other practices.

5. Learn to say “no”

Saying no is a key part of learning to be assertive and honoring your

needs. You don’t need to flat out or aggressively say “no” if the situation
doesn’t call for it. Instead, you can try saying phrases such as “no thank
you,” “I can’t,” “I’m not able to,” “Not now,” “I’m busy, sorry,” “Maybe next
time,” and so forth.

6. Identify when people cross the line

LIt’s
U not
N Aalways
& Seasy
O Lto identify when others overstep your boundaries,
particularly if you’re used to not having any. Take time to record in a
Wprivate
W W . L journal
O N E R Weach
O L Fday
. C Oall
M of the moments when you felt uncomfortable,
upset, or disrespected by someone during the day. This journalling
exercise will help you to develop more self-awareness.

Another way to know when people have overstepped your boundaries is

by tuning into your body. Try to notice when you feel sensations like
butterflies in your stomach, tension, or an increase in blood pressure
which will manifest as feeling flustered and hot. Use these sensations as
triggers to help you tune into the present moment and practice
assertiveness.
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7. Stop overcommitting

You are not obliged or indebted to uphold every single social

FLAME
commitment that you have. Don’t try to please others at your own
expense. Committing too much to other people and circumstances
creates stress and burnout. Learn to say no to non-essential things like
work get-togethers, parties, and other social duties that are not life-or-
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death.

8. Be courageous: let go of toxic friendships and relationships

It takes a certain level of courage to make a commitment to keeping

personal boundaries. Fake friends and flimsy relationships will inevitably
self-destruct and fizzle away. This might leave you feeling guilty,
ashamed, or like you’re doing something wrong. It is important in these
tough times to keep affirming that setting personal boundaries is your
fundamental human right. You are WORTH it. Those who are trying to
control, use, or abuse you will try to stop you, but don’t let them hold you
back. Cut away those who are polluting your life and seek out new
friendships that are supportive and uplifting.

9. Seek help (but not from friends or family)

If you’re still needing help setting strong personal boundaries, chances

are that those around you probably reinforce this behavior. So it’s not a
wise idea to seek advice from them, however well-intentioned they may
be. If you need more in-depth advice and personal assistance, I
recommend either reading a book such as Boundaries: When to Say Yes,
How to Say No by Henry Cloud and John Townsend or seek the help of a
Wtherapist
WW.LON (or
E Rboth).
WOLF.COM

Finally, remember to be gentle with yourself and show compassion. You

were not responsible for developing poor boundaries (it was how you
were conditioned). But you are responsible for now changing them and
owning your personal power. I hope this podcast has helped you learn a
little bit more about your boundaries, what they are, and how to reclaim
them.
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Creating Strong Boundaries – Worksheets

FLAME
Now that you have listened to the audio file (or read the transcript
above), you might like to reflect on – or preferably journal about – the
following questions. Feel free to either print these pages to write on as
part of your inner work practice – or alternatively, copy the questions
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into your own personal diary.

Why is it worth the effort completing this exercise? Writing down your
thoughts and feelings will help to crystallize any discoveries you make
about yourself in a tangible way. Mentally reflecting on these questions is
not the same as visually recording them. When we mentally ruminate on
a question, the realizations we stumble across are either fleeting or
incomplete. Visually recording your discoveries gives you the
opportunity to explore them more deeply and offers you a reference
point in which to revisit in the future as your self-discoveries mature.

1. Take a moment to self-reflect. What are TWO essential reasons you

want to strengthen your personal boundaries?

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2. In what areas of life do you lack personal boundaries? (Record

everything, even if you're not 100% sure.) List them below.

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3. How do you feel after a boundary of yours has been violated (these can
be both negative and positive feelings)?
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4. Try out the following boundaries exercises which will help you to
explore the edges of your personal "bubble."

i) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with strangers?

ii) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with associates?

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iii) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with friends?
iv) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with family members?
v) At what distance do you feel most comfortable with your romantic
partner?

Spend some time noticing how you feel in your body when a stranger,
associate, friend, family member, or partner approaches you. Try this
exercise for one week. At what point do you start feeling uncomfortable?
Signs that a person has overstepped your personal bubble include (but
are not limited to) feelings of nervousness, discomfort, endangerment,
muscle tension, increased heart rate, sweating, and numbness.

Record the most comfortable distance which defines the edges of your
personal bubble below (next to the names). You can record the distance
in meters, feet, or whatever suits you.

Strangers

Associates

Friends
Family
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Partner
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5. Think about what your parents taught you about personal boundaries
growing up. What verbal or nonverbal feelings, beliefs or ideas did they
transmit? Record everything you can think of (even if it feels
unimportant at first).

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6. What part of developing personal boundaries makes you feel nervous

or scared? Explore why.

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7. What do you think is preventing you from creating and maintaining

strong boundaries? List any feelings, thoughts, beliefs, habits or
behaviors that might be influencing you.

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8. Think about a time when you lacked personal boundaries. What could
you have done differently?

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9. What FIVE powerful practices or resources can you use to help you
create strong personal boundaries? List the tools or techniques you'd
most like to experiment with.

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10. Take a moment to imagine what life would be like with strong and
healthy boundaries. What habits, behaviors or commitments to others
would you stop doing?

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11. Picture yourself with strong and healthy boundaries. What areas of 
your life do you think would improve substantially?

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12. Write down any other thoughts, feelings or observations you've had
during the course of this workbook that you would like to remember for
future reference.

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To close, here are some final words and a prayer...

May you create strong boundaries.

May you feel confident in who you are.
May you honor your limits.

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May you be free of fear.
May you love who you are.
May you be true to yourself.
May you be empowered.
May you be happy.

We hope this workbook and the accompanying audio file has inspired
and supported you.

With love and blessings,

Luna & Sol

LUNA & SOL

WWW.LONERWOLF.COM

© Luna & Sol

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