Elly Schram

Writing 2

Revision Matrix

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP submission: questioned I made to what I impacts my paper:
received: initially wrote:

WP1: While Sanner’s Allison: underlined Colombari writes It highlights that the
argument is used to this sentence. about his research as focus of this section
inform about different if it is a new is about Colombari
approaches to a discovery, and should and how he views his
sensitive situation, be broadcasted as research as something
Colombari presents such. He argues... that every physician
his argument as a new should be made aware
discovery: of.

WP1: Both authors Allison: underlined To make it easier for It specifies why the
present some of their “tables” their intended authors would choose
data in tables, making audiences to to break up the text in
it easy to read and (Specify what tables understand, Sanner this way and how it
understand for their are presented, the and Colombari break affects the reader.
intended audiences. information in the up their scientific
tables, and why that is research with charts
important) detailing their
findings.

WP2: I did need to Allison: underlined I did need to keep in This change lets the
keep in mind, “physician’s point of mind, however, that reader know how a
however, that the view” the journal entries are change in writer or
journal entries are written by a point of view greatly
written from a (Specify what that physician. Knowing affects how
physician’s point of means for their who is writing helps something is written.
view. writing and how it is to understand what
presented to their kind of terminology
audience) and writing
experience they are
used to. If Sanner had
been a professional
writer, ten years
younger, or even of a
different background,
the writing structure
and processes would
 be entirely different.

WP2: The journal Allison: underlined The journal entries It specifies when the
entries are written as “was happening that are written in present writer wrote the
if the study was week” time, ... journal entry and it
happening that sounds better.
week, ...

WP2: The data of the Allison: underlined The data of the study This change details
study is the same in “it is presented to the is the same in the how a physician
the journals as it is in audience differently” journals as it is in the would see the data as
the article, but it is article, but it is real people that they
presented to the (Specify how the instead addressed as met and treated,
audience differently. information is actual patients and whereas the article
presented and the families that were refers to them as a
change) talked to, instead of number to categorize.
just numbers on a
chart.

WP2: A part of the Allison: underlined To stay true to the It specifies what
primary text that I did this sentence. original text, the information was kept
leave alone was the findings of the the same between the
data. research were two genres and why.
discussed in the
journal entries.

WP2: To do that, I Allison: underlined To try to grasp that This change answers
made the writing first this sentence. personal response, I the question: why
person, instead of had to think about does it need to be in
third. how the writer would first person and how
be feeling and what would you change the
they would be point of view?
thinking during that
moment.

WP2: To translate my Allison: underlined “I To translate my It specifies what

primary text into a had to make the primary text into a would need to change
few journal entries, I information more few journal entries, to translate the text.
had to make the personal” the information was
information more changed from
personal. educational research
about an event, to
ideas that would flow
through an
individual's head as
the event occurred.
WP2: Their intended Allison: underlined Due to the fact that It informs why
audience is usually this sentence. personal journal journal entries aren’t
the writer themselves entries aren't meant to meant for the same
as journal entries tend be shared or released, audience as a research
to consist of personal there isn't an intended article and some of
information and audience for this the other common
private thoughts. genre. Ideally, the characteristics of
writer is the only personal journal
individual to read the entries.
journal entries as they
tend to consist of
their private and
intimate thoughts.

WP2: On the other Allison: underlined Contrary to research Informs why journal
hand, journal entries this sentence. articles, journal entries are typically
are informal, entries are not written informal, instead of
unrevised, and not for a learning just stating that they
typically for viewing audience. Rather, are.
by a learning they are usually
audience. written for personal
use.

WP1: Middle of I got the idea to move I moved the sentence Instead of addressing
paragraph: “To make this sentence from to the beginning of the first author, then
it easier for their “Making Choices in the paragraph, instead both authors, then the
intended audiences to Writing,” by Jessie of the middle. second author, I
understand, Sanner Szalay. This was one changed it so it
and Colombari break of our earlier assigned addressed both
up their scientific readings. authors, then each
research with charts author individually.
detailing their
findings.”

WP1: Sanner’s I decided to make this As Sanner discusses I felt it was important
intended audience is change so that the all of the benefits of to address what
made obvious as she information flowed organ donation, her Sanner discusses
discusses all of the more coherently. intended audience is before addressing
benefits of organ obvious: she hopes to who she hopes to
donation. She hopes reach undecided influence with her
to reach undecided organ donation research.
organ donation readers in the hopes
readers in the hopes they will choose to
they will choose to donate their organs,
donate their organs, or a relative’s, in the
or a relative’s, in the future when they have
future when they have to make that decision.
to make that decision.

WP1: Added: “It is I decided to add these I added these It informs readers of
important to address sentences because sentences after how discipline affects
how different ending with the discussing how writing and reading
disciplines drastically differences in Sanner’s article is more than we think.
change the course of discipline in the two ethical, whereas
an article: how it is articles without Colombari’s is
read, how it is addressing how it biological.
written, and how it is affects the way they
shared. Sanner's are written felt like it
article will be read was stopped short.
and shared differently
than Colombari's
article, not only for
the difference in
information, but
because their
difference in
discipline affects how
their readers grasp the
information. Sanner's
readers will read with
a philosophical
approach as they
think about the ethics
of her research,
whereas Colombari's
readers will read with
more of a scientific
approach as he
presents them with a
biological
standpoint.”

WP1: Added: “While I got the idea to add I added these I think it is important
Sanner's article this from sentences after to acknowledge how
focuses on the ethics “Understanding discussing how the ideas can overlap and
of asking grieving Discourse disciplines of each even intertwine
relatives for organs, Communities” by article affected their instead of being
the article does Dan Melzer from our approach. opposites.
overlap with biology assigned reading.
as she discusses the
medical procedure.
Similarly,
Colombari's article
overlaps with ethics
as he hopes to inform
physicians so an
unethical or foolish
mistake can be
avoided.”

WP2: Added: I got the idea to add I added this sentence I believe this made an
“An important aspect this from “Reflective after talking about impact as it is an
of journal entries is Writing: Personal adding realistic dates important
that they tend to be Journal Entry to the journal entries. characteristic of
dated in Examples,” which personal journal
chronological order, was one of my entries.
so I made sure to sources for WP2.
write it that way.”