Ateneo de Davao University

E. Jacinto St., Davao City

Avoiding Separation: The importance of communication and support

   

In partial fulfillment of the requirements in

ELECTIVE 1: FAMILY ISSUES

Lumongsod, Mary Nida

Winifredo Nierras, J.D, Ph.D

Professor

October 25 2020
INTRODUCTION

The separation between a married couple would mean an extensive life change -

for both the parties and for the children affected. After a separation, every member of

the family will have to cope up with their new family setting. What paves the way for the

separation is usually the dysfunctional or unsatisfactory relationship caused by various

circumstances such as weakening of emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy, according

to Nierras, regards to how the spouses relate to each other. Such as their level of mutual

respect and trust, the feeling of physical closeness, the way they communicate, and how

they handle emotional conflict.1 Misunderstanding between couples often happens

because of the lack of proper communication that would eventually lead to a widening

rift of the selves between couples that would directly affect their children.

In the TV series "A Love to Last", that is to be analyzed on this paper, the Male

lead Anton went through an annulment with his wife, Grace. Anton and Grace have

three children that went through this period of difficulty with them. The paper will

discuss the family issues present in Anton's family and will try to reconstruct the family

dynamics according to the vision of God and Church, and strengthen the family with

regard to theoretical and theological perspectives. This reconstruction of the family

dynamics would present situations where the issues are avoided - that would eventually

evade the separation that would happen. Ideas presented will then be backed up with

theoretical and theological perspectives that can be used as:

1
Nierras, W. (2020). Family Issues in Christian Perspective (Series No. 1). Retrieved
October, 2020, from https://read.amazon.com/?asin=B08BKVSWQK
 (1) tips to those young people who are single in terms of their relationship to their

own respective family;

(2) head starts to those couples who are planning to get married and have children

soon; and

(3) "to-know" to the married couples who already have a family and children of their

own.

FAMILY ISSUE

Movie

The TV Series to be analyzed and reconstructed is entitled "A Love to Last". The

theological paper's discussions on the Family Issues will only focus on the first ten

episodes, giving importance to episodes 2 and 9. The story of the series follows the love

story of two different people, Andeng (Bea Alonzo), and Anton (Ian Veneracion), that

will prove that two broken hearts can still create a love that lasts - having Andeng

coming from a broken family and Anton as someone who is annulled from his wife. In

discussing the issues presented, we will only be looking at the situation of Anton's family

starting from the left of his wife, Grace (Iza Calzado), until the situation of his family

after the annulment. The reconstruction of the family's situation will give lenses on how

to handle conflicts between family members and how to avoid total separation between

married couples.

Synopsis
 Anton is a family man who just became the president of a tech company. A year

before the story started, his wife Grace left for the states to take care of her ill father,

leaving her three children in Anton's care. Later in the story, it was known that Grace

took this opportunity to have time for herself to think about her life, and not just use all

her time in serving her husband and children back in the Philippines.

In episode 1, Anton went to the states to fetch Grace after having stayed there for

more than a year. He did this with the promise to their children that he would bring

them their mother back. Episode 2 started with Grace telling Anton that she wants an

annulment. Anton was confused and reiterated that he did not need an annulment, but

the mother of his kids back home. Anton told her that he became the successful husband

she wants him to be, after being appointed as president of the company; so why would

she want to leave?

Grace explained that she is starting to lose herself being his wife because she has

only been serving him and their children all this time. She did not have time for herself

to do things that she wants to do. She also told him that she did not want Anton to strive

for the highest position and be leashed by his workloads; she wanted a husband that

would be there for her. Anton told her that she was selfish for leaving and not thinking

about what their children would feel, as she left with no explanation and that she never

really told him her worries and remained silent all these years.

Later in the same episode, Anton received the annulment papers but refused to

answer the court summons to stall the case. Anton decided to ignore and give it more

time thinking that Grace would soon come to her senses.

 In episode 9, Anton's annulment was finally approved, and he received a letter

informing him about it. He talked to Lucas and Chloe (his eldest children) to tell them

about it. He assured them that they would be fine since he would always be there for

them.

After the annulment, Anton had to spend more time with his family, juggling

between his presidency, and being a father and mother to his children at the same time.

He had to do things he has never done before so that he could fill the gap his ex-wife left

behind. He got to know more about his children; comforting himself and his children

because of a separation he never wanted to happen in the first place. His children also

had a hard time opening up to their father as they were closer to their mom and have

spent more time with her in their growing stage.

Characters

Anton Noble III – the male lead in the TV Series who had gone through an annulment

with his wife. He has three children, namely Chloe, Lucas, and Kitty. Later in the story,

he had a newfound love with Andeng, the female lead, and had to go through again the

process of loving someone. However, this time, he had his past experiences as a guide on

what to do to avoid the loss of love.

Grace Silverio – the antagonist of the series—the ex-wife of Anton. As the story

progressed, she became jealous of Anton’s new happy life with Andeng and tried to

assert herself again in Anton’s life even when she already had a boyfriend long before

Anton knew Andeng.

Andrea “Andeng” Agoncillo – the female lead of the series. An events planner who fell

in love with Anton. Andeng must navigate Anton's complicated life that includes his

three kids and a jealous ex-wife.

Chloe Noble – Anton and Grace’s eldest child. She had been keeping secrets of her

hardships in college to herself as she wanted to be seen as a strong sister that is to look

up to and a daughter that her father would be proud of. She had to take care of her

younger siblings even when she has been hurting seeing her parents getting annulled.

Lucas Noble – the second child of Anton and Grace. He went to a rebel stage after the

left of his mother. He is the most affected by the annulment as he is a mama’s boy and is

closest to his mom. He blamed his father for the annulment.

Kitty Noble – the youngest child in Noble’s household. She overcame the separation

easily as she went through sessions with a child psychiatrist; also because she was still

young when her mother left, and she almost did not remember memories with her. She

is the fastest to accept Andeng as her father’s new lover.

Setting of the Story

The story is set in the year 2017, in the Philippines. Anton and Grace's

environment is full of wealthy people as they are a family of corporate individuals. The

story is for adults and young adults as it tackled serious family and married life

problems; the younger generations can only relate in the "kilig" parts as undeniably, it is

still a love story.

REFLECTION

The family issues observed from the TV series is the weakening of Emotional

Intimacy between Anton and Grace, that eventually led to their annulment, and the

emotional rift between the couple and their children. Anton got too caught up with being

successful in his work that he spent less and less time with his family, thinking that he is

doing all these for Grace and their children. He never really felt the need to slow down a

bit as his family, especially that Grace never really voiced out anything against it. Grace

also got exhausted in the reality that she has been the only one doing all the household

concerns and taking care of the family, leaving her no time for herself. She felt low and

unhappy that it caused her to leave without having said any explanations, as she felt that

her husband would not understand her. They both lost physical and emotional closeness

as a couple. They did not have a moment to settle their problems as Grace decided on

her own that she wants the marriage to be annulled as soon as she decided to.

Vision of God

Man and woman are made for each other, and marriage is a permanent union

that binds them. God taught us that this God-made arrangement is made to last – as

stated in Genesis, "a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they

become one flesh."2 Since it is made in the presence of God, not being faithful to the

vows and breaking up the marriage would mean the defilement of God's laws. The

vocation of the married couple and the family to a communion of love and life continues

despite human limitations and sinfulness.3 Vows are made to be valued and respected,

2
Genesis 2:24, New International Version
3
Nierras, W. (2020). Family Issues in Christian Perspective (Series No. 2).
not break. In the case of Anton and Grace, they should have remembered the vows that

they made the day they married each other. God has blessed them with Unitive and

Enduring love,4 but this alone would not be enough if they did not even try to iron things

out.

The weakening of the emotional intimacy between Anton and Grace should have

been avoided if:

(1) Anton led his family the way God expects him to do. He should have allotted more of

his time to his family - giving them full support and complete love. He should make his

children and wife feel secure not just financially, but also emotionally; 5 and

(2) Grace becomes more open of her problems and shares this to her husband, the head

of the family,6 and accept the fact that the marriage life also comes also with problems,

not just happiness.

Marriage is more than just being happy; problems will surely come as this is how

God tests our faith. God makes all marriages; thus, it is authentic love - a love that

would transcend over any problems and difficulties.

Vision of the Church

4
Ecclesiastes 9:9, New International Version
5
Nierras, W. (2020). Family Issues in Christian Perspective (Series No. 3).
6
Ephesians 5:22-24, New International Version
 Marriage is the foundation of family life, being deep-rooted in covenant

relationship.7 In a marriage rite, a vow of "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in

sickness and in health, until death do us part" is promised by the couple to each other. It

is when a man and a woman give themselves to each other until the end of their lives. 8

Whether it is done by a baptized couple or an unbaptized couple, God has united them

in love, and the two have already become one. This bond allows the couple to endure the

ups and downs of the married life - this enduring love comes from the source itself, God.

Entering the married life includes a set of responsibilities to each other, to God, and the

Church – their vocation and mission9.

These responsibilities include having a good relationship with the family—a good

relationship not just with the husband and wife, but also with their children.

As a married couple, Anton and Grace are expected by the Church to maintain the

intimate relationship created between the both of them the moment they got married.

They should also have full awareness of their obligations in the matter of responsible

parenthood, as they are to have.10

The emotional rift between Grace and Anton to their children should have been

avoided if:

7
Nierras, W. (2020). Family Issues in Christian Perspective (Series No. 3).
8
Romans 7:2-3, New International Version
9
Nierras, W. (2020). Family Issues in Christian Perspective (Series No. 2).
10
Paul VI. (1968). Humanae Vitae, no.10 [Encyclical letter]. Retrieved from
http://www.vatican.va/content/paul-vi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-
vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae.html
(1) Anton spent more time with his children, sharing more moments with them,

supporting them in what they want to be, and being part of their growing years by

teaching them more of God and of family life. This would avoid Chloe, the eldest child,

with being secretive with him, and avoid the rebellious stage of his son Lucas; and

(2) Grace took the time to teach her children of the love between family so that they

would not feel distant with their father. In another situation, she should also think about

her children before making big decisions that would affect the family dynamics such as

going away for more than a year with no proper explanation, and worse, an annulment.

Talking things out with her children about what she felt would avoid Kitty, the youngest,

from eventually forgetting more and more about her.

Both of them should have set aside their own plans for themselves and make a

plan for the family and its wellbeing. 11 In marriage, selfishness is not welcome; one

should act with the idea of what would happen to the family in mind. Marriage is a

"partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the

spouses and the procreation and education of offspring."12

Theoretical Perspective

Feminist Theory and Symbolic Interactionism Theory – These theories can be used to

strengthen Anton and Grace’s family. In an episode where Grace was talking to her
11
Francis. (2013). Lumen Fidei, no. 52 [Encyclical letter]. Retrieved from
http://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/encyclicals/documents/papa-
francesco_20130629_enciclica-lumen-fidei.html

12
Code of Canon Law. (1983). Libreria Editrice Vaticana.
mother about how she wants to break up with Anton, she said that she felt like she lost

herself. Grace wanted to be so much more than just a housewife that takes care of the

family. She felt like Anton being successful in his work while she only gets to handle the

household matters made her someone who is much lower than Anton. For her, Anton

did not felt like a partner anymore. Later in the series, Grace got to handle the company

her father owned, that made her more confident in herself. She began to shine as a

woman and felt bigger than who she was in the past. Anton’s thinking of being the “only

provider” of the family made him a distant husband to his wife. Although Anton is the

leader of the family, he should also take into consideration the feelings of the family

members, especially his wife. Checking on his family’s feelings should be asserted as he

is the one who leads the family; he should not just wait for them to talk and voice out

their concerns. If the problem was acknowledged in the first place, and Grace got to do

what she felt like she was born to do, which is to have a job of her own outside of the

"family", she would feel more supported and confident on who she is. 13 She would feel

that she is of the same standing as Anton, promoting a sense of equality between the

husband and wife.

Theological Perspective

Theory of John Bowlby: Secure Attachment and Theory of Leo Tolstoy:

Communicating Love – Analyzing Anton and Grace's family background, both are from

13
Learning, L. (n.d.). Sociology. Retrieved October 25, 2020, from
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/alamo-sociology/chapter/reading-theoretical-
perspectives-on-marriage-and-family/
wealthy families that handle big companies; thus it is expected that Anton and Grace

would want to have a name of their own at the top of a successful company. Grace being

a housewife, was something that is far from her "corporate" nature. Anton, being the

only son, was also expected to do more in his job. If both parties saw this similarity, they

could have used this as something that would strengthen their bond with each other.

They can make a company where both of them would run it; not only would they be

together while working, they would also be dividing the workloads between them.

Grace also grew up to be the only child and daughter of her parents, making her

someone who is always longing for affection, if Anton realized this first hand, he would

give so much more attention to his wife; and if Grace realized that Anton is under

pressure in doing good on his job by his parents, she would have been more patient with

him.14

All these realizations and understanding would eventually happen if both couples

learned how to communicate their loves to each other properly; not just being

complacent of things. Communication and Support for each other would eventually iron

all their problems out.

CONCLUSION

14
Kane, H., McCall, C., Collins, N., & Blascovich, J. (n.d.). University of California Santa
Barbara. Mere presence is not enough: Social support in an immersive virtual
environment. 2010.
 The biggest mistake of people about love is the search for a happy ending like

what you see in movies or read in books. When confronted with obstacles, one may feel

like this is not love at all, and would eventually give up on their partners, without even

trying to voice out their feelings—always expecting that their partners would know if

they truly care. Another instance is that one would always assume that everything is

perfectly fine, forgetting to even check on their partner's wellbeing. A worse situation is

when these things happen to a married couple with children. Their children would most

likely be present in the times where their parents are having a hard time with each

other. Often they would be in the corner watching all these unfold without having

expressed their feelings about the situation.

Conflicts will eventually happen in the family, and its members should

acknowledge this fact. Husbands should be more supportive of their wives, and wives

should learn how to properly communicate with their husbands. Each family member

has their own perspectives on things. Thus parents should also talk with their children

and value their thoughts and feelings. With all these, we should conclude that

communication and support are indeed essential; not just between the married couple,

but in the family as a whole.