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Jazmine Ibarra

Dr. Sarah Thaller

Fire Cohort

16 December 2020

Protest Art Essay

The issue that I am addressing is mental health, the stigma surrounding it, and the need to

eliminate shame. I care about this issue because I haven’t been in a great place. I’ve been sad, angry,

confused, and have felt so alone. Despite the loving and supporting friends and family surrounding me, I

have felt this way for a long time. A part of this feeling of loneliness is my being misunderstood, which

has served to deepen this feeling and thought of being utterly alone in my feelings, my thoughts, and my

world, even though I know that there is more to life than just little old me. I was never diagnosed with

depression, but I will say that I have been in a dark place for a long time. Most people think of me as a

happy, helpful, and hardworking student. I’d like to think I’m all of those things, but there is no way that

one can be happy all the time. At least not for me. My emotions and how much I feel of a certain emotion

tend to fluctuate. I wanted to stress that it takes wanting change for yourself to move forward. Fears,

doubts, and thoughts can soon become obsessive or detrimental to one’s well-being. It is important to be

aware of mental health because it is especially apparent in today’s society.

In our society exists expectation and reality. Generation after generation, people are supposed to

fulfill their duties of becoming successful, supposedly living a healthy lifestyle, and being happy all the

time. There is a lot of stigma surrounding starting a conversation about mental health and shame

surrounding the acceptance or even struggling with mental health. I would like to show that there is

strength in being vulnerable. It takes courage to accept your feelings and accept the fact that you are not

feeling okay. You are not your feelings, but they are a part of you. You are not what people everything

that people claim about you, you are what you claim yourself to be. It took a long time for me to even

acknowledge that it’s okay not to be okay. Lately, I’ve been more accepting of my feelings, both negative

and positive, because it takes both to have balance within one’s self. I think that there are so many people
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suffering from mental health issues in society because we all lack the courage to start the conversation in

regards to mental health. There is no shame in admitting that you are not feeling okay or happy. Having

feelings that do and do not make us feel good are things that make us human. Some feelings that I had

while I was in this “dark place” include loneliness, hopelessness, anger, frustration, sadness,

unworthiness, this sense of not belonging, and feeling misunderstood. I often had thoughts of what it

might be like if I just disappeared, that no one cared, that nothing would ever change and that I deserved

to feel like this even if I had or hadn’t done anything wrong. I found myself blaming myself for the

smallest of things, making jokes out of things that weren’t funny at all but self-deprecating. Immediately,

I noticed that I isolated myself from my friends and family by staying in my room for long periods,

staying in during lunch just to work on classwork and homework. I would eat lunch alone and even when

I was prompted by a friend to go to lunch with them, I would decline and bury myself in work. School

and schoolwork was a great way for me to pass the time and think less about my bad thoughts.

I believe that it is important to take the time to notice other people, even if it’s a short greeting, or

going out of your way to see how someone is doing and becoming friends with them. Of course, it is not

your job to make sure that someone is mentally well, but it truly helps to be more emotionally aware of

people’s feelings. It is important to be kind to one another because we all live in the same place and that is

Earth. If you know anyone that has similar feelings or thoughts, please do take the time to talk to them.

Most of the time, I don’t realize how sad, angry, upset, worried, or whatever it is that I am feeling until

someone asks me about it. I am still on my self-love journey, but the first step is acceptance and

acknowledgment. This is the most important step and cannot be skipped. Do not seek professional help if

you are not ready. It’s also important to note that it takes time. Happiness is not a feeling you will feel all

the time even after you have accepted that you are not okay or that you need help. It is admirable. I hope

that anyone who is suffering from mental health will feel inspired by my art piece and eventually gain the

courage to seek out help if they need it.

My protest art shows some thoughts or phrases that can cause someone to have negative thoughts

and eventually walk down a darker path. A path where they feel so misunderstood and lost and can no
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longer be helped by anyone. Thoughts or phrases like “I am not good enough”, “Idiot”, and other negative

words and phrases. The other idea embodies love, acceptance, and grace in the form of friendship while

also providing a little criticism or irony in the phrase, “Everything is going to be okay.” The phrase is

something that I am sure many people can relate to, even if they have no mental health issues. I had some

people who helped me get out of the dark place I used to be, but even now, the darkness threatens to

consume me in the form of thoughts. I care about this issue a lot because I’m starting to care more about

myself. I’ve cared about a lot of people despite my distance and lack of enthusiasm. I care about a lot of

people now. I think that mental health is always going to be important. It is the mind, body, and people

that help us, but in the end, it is all up to the person who is suffering from the darkness of despair.

Everyone has their own story and although I cannot speak for everyone, I can speak for myself and serve

as a common ground for those who also identify with the feelings and thoughts that I have had.

My protest art medium is acrylic paint and markers on cardboard. The cardboard isn’t very strong

unless reinforced with some type of pattern on the inside, usually triangles or repetition of vertical lines,

but I used it just because it is all that I have at the moment. The paper would rip and tear with the amount

of paint I used to make my protest art. My idea was to paint the silhouette of a girl crying on the floor

with patches of different colors on them and a dark background. The girl is painted as if she is losing her

colors. There are patches of different colors that represent emotions such as the following anger (red),

sadness (blue), envy/jealousy (green), and loss of emotion (gray). In the background are words of

self-hate written in silver or metallic Sharpie. I painted the silhouette of a girl crouched on the floor with

her head resting on her knees. The girl crying is a representation of my struggles with my mental health

and as well as my struggle to acknowledge and accept my feelings. A lot of times when I blamed myself,

I would justify my emotions by saying or thinking that “I deserve to feel this way” which is a big fat lie. I

deserve to be happy and I think everyone, despite anything that has happened to them or the things that

they have done, deserves to be happy.

I think that this idea makes sense concerning the issue. I have been struggling with self-hate for a

while. Despite the number of compliments I have received from my loving family and friends, I have a
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hard time believing that because of the number of lies I have fed myself over the years. I have

incorporated lies, negative, and unkind words that correlate with self-hate into the painting. Sadness can

feel suffocating and can render one helpless and that is something that I hope I was able to portray in my

painting. I believe that this is a meaningful/impactful medium because art has always been so moving no

matter the background of the audience. I think it can change minds, move hearts, and bring along a

message to someone. I was most inspired to use this medium because I enjoy painting and I think it works

just as well as a poem.

The second painting is one that contrasts the previous one. Instead of being dark, it is mostly

light. The background or the majority of the painting is painted in white. There are two figures in the

painting...friends, sisters, whoever the audience thinks it to be, in a rectangle. One figure is hugging the

other. The second figure is the one being hugged. The second figure is shaking/trembling as if crying, but

you can only see the back of her head. I wanted to make this drawing a bit cute because the first painting

was so sad, but it is the truth. The truth is not always something that makes people happy. I also wrote the

words, “everything is going to be okay” above the figures’ heads. It is a phrase that I told myself when I

was in a dark place. Things like “everything is okay” or “I’m fine” when in reality, one does not feel okay

and everything is not fine. Not everyone has to believe this, of course, but I believe that in the end,

everything turns out okay. As an introvert, I tend to overthink things and this phrase often helps me to

relax, but especially when I am being told by a friend or a family member. I find it to be comforting and I

would like to share this comfort with anyone else who needs to hear these words.

I had two of my friends post my protest art on their Instagram so it can reach a broader audience.

I also posted a photo of it on my digital portfolio for others to see. I want those who are struggling to

reach out, specifically those who are feeling lost, lonely, and misunderstood because these are all feelings

that I am familiar with. I would like for them to be inspired or at least encouraged to reach out to me or

someone else such as our school mental health specialist. I have started on my journey to self-love and

self-care in a much better way thanks to our school’s mental health specialist. She has been of great help

to me from our very first session together. Even if we can only be heard by one another via Zoom
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meetings, she has been so kind and compassionate. I would like to make this painting as a reminder of

people who have helped me get out of the dark place I used to be. I want it to show that you can get out of

the dark place if only you ask for it. You can’t be helped without reaching out and wanting to change for

yourself.