ANNOTATED FEEDBACK

Feedback #1 – Literacy Narrative Feedback

[Student Name],

You have a really great start for your literacy narrative so far! I think you have a great map of
your journey in literacy with both English and Oneida. The way you’re writing about them, it
almost sounds like they were pitted against each other as you grew up, is that right? I don’t want
to assume your intent there, but that is something I picked up as I read your narrative. It almost
seems as though each language acted as a suppressive literacy sponsor for the other at different
points in your life. With that, you also do a great job of highlighting some encouraging literacy
sponsors in your life, whether it was your school, your teachers, or your parents.
Commented [CK1]: This is me very specifically trying to
be non-divining in my feedback to students. It feels a bit
clumsy, which would make sense, since I think we read "Our
Students' Rights to Their Own Texts" by Brannon and
Knoblauch the week or two before and was determined to
take a non-assumptive approach to allow students to really
own their writing.

Something you do that great but could be improved is interpretation. You have some great
analysis in terms of the differences in how English and Oneida use sounds of consonants, but I
think you could push further in asking questions. For example: Who decides what is the “proper”
way to talk? Who does this affect and how does it affect them? How might this relate to
privilege, power, and norms in language and literacy?
Commented [CK2]: I try to be affirming as a teacher with
my feedback, so students have an easier time approaching
feedback & revision. That being said, I do worry that my
attempts at affirmation end up burying my feedback to
students.

I think one other thing you could do that would really make this narrative shine is to add some
concrete memories or moments into your narrative. Bringing in these memories will give you
more to analyze as well as break up any exposition. Both are important in your narrative and you
need each to get a break from the other! That will also give you more to analyze and interpret as
you go along and ask those questions this assignment challenges us to ask.

I look forwards to reading your next draft! If you have any questions or want to discuss you draft
or this feedback further, please don’t hesitate in contacting me so we can talk further. Commented [CK3]: This kind of comment is so
commonplace when I write to my students, I can’t help but
wonder if their eyes just start glazing over those words at a
Feedback #2 – Journal Entry certain point.
I'm glad to see that you were able to learn something from these examples. I think explaining
how the writers are trying to persuade the audience lies in the analysis you write! This includes
discussing ethos, pathos, or logos as well as other rhetorical appeals! From there, it's also a
matter of examining the context surrounding the text as well! As always, I am here to answer the
questions you might have.

Feedback #3 – Discussion Board

It looks like you have a good mix of people who are familiar or unfamiliar with rhetoric in this
group! That works in your guys' favor, I think, as it allows you all to explore what you do or
don't know! At least, what you think you do. Kudos to [Student Name] showing a good example
of kairos! Of the rhetorical appeals, it's spoken about less, but it's one that's just as important. To
get you guys thinking on kairos a bit more, because it's a fun appeal for me. here are some
questions: What example can you think of for a commercial, image, or another piece of media
that exhibits strong appeals to kairos? What might be an example that shows a very weak appeal
to or disregard of kairos?
Commented [CK4]: This is meant to serve as a bit of a
shout out to students who did well and letting them know
that they’re on the right track. I find this also can hopefully
encourage other students to push themselves to do well, as
validation from instructors can be motivating for some.
Commented [CK5]: One thing I always tried to do was
offer a question or slight challenge in feedback like this. I
think, when done promptly, it can be helpful for students to
further their thinking. However, this is structurally a failure
when my responses are not prompt, no matter how
interesting or intriguing the question is.
 Feedback #4 – Synthesis Feedback
Something I would strongly encourage is adding an introduction and then consider taking your
conclusion and reworking it a bit! I usually find these sections to be some of the harder parts to
write and leave them for last. In fact, my conclusion usually gets written before my introduction! Commented [CK6]: This is a comment I would include a
I think your conclusion would benefit from adding additional broader conclusions based on what bit with my students, to help them hopefully become more
comfortable with feedback as well as give myself more
your sources have told you! credibility as a writing instructor.

This can be achieved by adding small broader conclusions at the end of your paragraphs. I
highlighted one place I thought is a great start and an example for you to do this. I recommend
discussing it a bit more in-depth, then using those little broader conclusions to build an
overarching broader conclusion! Commented [CK7]: This is my attempt at helping students
see ways they can approach feedback in a way that isn’t
overbearing and scary, but actually quite manageable.