Almost Wonderful Time of the Year

SINGER comes up.

SINGER
And now a song…
(singing)
It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the
year! With the---

DIRECTOR comes up.

DIRECTOR
Wait, what? What are you singing?

SINGER
It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the
Year. Like I was hired to do, Mr.
Director.

DIRECTOR
Oh, really? The “most wonderful time
of the year.” Based on what
parameters?

SINGER
Well, it’s Christmas!
(singing)
It’s the most wonderful time--

DIRECTOR
Oh, it’s Christmas, just like that,
everything’s wonderful. Did you get out
of lockdown?

SINGER
Well, no. But still, it’s a holiday
classic!
(singing)
It’s the most wonderful--

DIRECTOR
Are you still getting mocked for
wearing a mask?

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 SINGER
Well, just by that armed militia. But
they mock everyone.

DIRECTOR
And yet you picked this song.

SINGER
I’m not letting that get me down! No!
(singing)
It’s the most wond—

DIRECTOR
I see. I guess you’re still living
large off that stimulus check.

SINGER
Well, actually, once I paid my rent
with that, no.

DIRECTOR
So, you have the nerve to come out here
and tell everyone it’s the most
wonderful year. Even Trump doesn’t
think it’s a wonderful time of the year
and he thinks he won the election.

SINGER
I really don’t want to get into
politics. I’m just here to sing.

DIRECTOR
You know my mom was killed by a singer.

SINGER
I didn’t know that. Sorry. They
weren’t singing “It’s the Most
Wonderful Time of the Year” were they?

DIRECTOR
No. But the song writers…

SINGER
Edward Pola and George Wyle. What
about them?

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 DIRECTOR
They they swindled my dad out of all
his money with some Christmas/Ponzi
scheme.

SINGER
I’m very sorry. I don’t know what that
would even be. But It seems to me that
maybe this wasn’t the best job to take.

DIRECTOR
There wasn’t much out there after Tom
Cruise fired me.

SINGER
Oh, that was you?

ASSISTANT comes in.

ASSISTANT
Hey, CVS just got a shipment of the
covid-19 vaccine! And the Electoral
College officially made Joe Biden
president-elect. It’s the beginning of
the end!

DIRECTOR
Finally! Some good news.

SINGER
(sings)
“It’s Almost wonderful time of the
year!”

NEWS ANCHOR pops up.

NEWS ANCHOR
We have breaking news, North Korea has
just launched a nuclear missile at
Delaware.

SINGER-DIRECTOR-ASSISTANT
Son of a bitch.

End.

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