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RL Alopecia
RL Alopecia
‘I miss
mascara
more than
anything’
Can you imagine life without hair? As a teenager, Emma
Beddington lost all hers (yes, all of it). Now 35, she confesses
she still hasn’t quite come to terms with it
‘I
photog r aph cl au dia jan k e
calculated recently that and instead attacks them. Stress is often dampen the immune response that
I have been bald for 17 years. cited as a trigger and I was certainly causes alopecia. The steroids made
Seventeen years? It seems stressed after a first undergraduate year at me puffy and ravenous. I put on weight
impossible. Seventeen of Oxford, juggling a fraught long-distance and struggled miserably with a salt-free,
my 35 years, almost half my relationship and a demanding course. calorie-restricted diet to manage the
life, without any hair at all – no lashes, Exhausted, I went to stay with my weight gain and high blood pressure,
brows, leg or arm hair, and certainly boyfriend in France at the beginning of decimating my self-esteem still further.
no hair on my head. the summer. Within a week, my hair was There was never any regrowth. Instead,
It doesn’t seem that long. I can still coming out in handfuls. Every morning, I became acutely bulimic, desperate to
remember exactly how it felt to stand in I would wake, with a distinct sense of control my weight if I could control
my boyfriend’s flat and, oddly detached, unreality, to see my pillow covered in hair. nothing else, and battling the effects
survey the bedroom floor, every inch Returning to Oxford two months later the steroids had on my appetite. I spent
coated with a thick layer of my a year alternating very restrictive
hair. I remember shaving off the
‘On good days, I’m optimistic: eating and occasional binges
I
boyfriend of 17 years ago who watched rejection to talk about it up front – but
can say with all honesty that since helplessly as I shed hair all over his flat. it’s early days. I hope I find a better way.
the birth of my two children, there I no longer have the security of a partner Right now, I vacillate between hope and
have been whole years when I have who knew me with hair and loved me fear. On bad days, I’m scared I’ll attach
barely had a conscious thought without. Newly single, thinking about myself like a limpet to the first person who
about my baldness. In the past 10 years, dating and meeting new men, I find shows the slightest interest, grateful that
I have moved countries four times, alopecia is constantly in my mind. For the anyone could find a bald woman desirable.
and seen friends and family deal with first time in years, I find myself wondering On my good days, I’m optimistic – I’m
illnesses far more devastating than about seeking treatment again, even slim and okay-looking, and at least I have
alopecia. My mother died in an accident though I know there is little chance smooth skin all the time. Not for me the
when I was pregnant with my second of success. All those long-suppressed agony of a Brazilian, the rasp of leg stubble,
child. In the great scheme of things, insecurities are bubbling to the surface. the misery of bad-hair days. Alopecia does
O
baldness is pretty trivial. have some unexpected benefits.’
Yes, it always remained a minor f course, everyone who leaves
sadness, but one I knew how to manage. a long-term relationship
My children have always seen me without and starts dating again is Emma’s alopecia heroes
hair and it barely registers with them, nervous and insecure; filled ● Sophie Thorpe works miracles
except as something to show off to their with body anxieties. I feel all of that, on thin, patchy, overplucked or
schoolfriends (“My mum can take her but for me, there’s an extra layer of entirely missing eyebrows
hair off!” my eldest son brags, effectively vulnerability and fear about dating without (sophiethorpe.co.uk).
silencing the perennial, “My mum is better hair. Could anyone find me attractive? ● Sue Renigan at Positively Hair
than your mum” conversations). I have If I tell them about it straight away, will works with bespoke wigs that you
excellent wigs that I always wear out of they be put off? If I don’t, will it lead to can swim, shower, even sleep in, if
the house, and most of the time in the awkward situations? What do I do when you so desire. Instead of a traditional
make-up lindsay poole at time
house, too; it’s how I feel comfortable. someone touches my “hair”? So far, I have mesh base, they use a thin silicone
I frequently get compliments on my been too embarrassed to address the issue cap, much more realistic in look and
“haircut”, which I accept with childish like a grown-up, probably leading to some feel (positivelyhair.co.uk).
amusement. My hairdresser is always serious confusion for my unfortunate ● John Vial at Real Hair has been
urging me to go out without a wig, telling dates. At the moment, when someone tries cutting wigs that make me feel
me what a nicely shaped head I have, but to brush my hair back from my face, stroke human – and making me laugh
the kind of attention I would attract is not my neck or cup my head in their hands, it hysterically in the process – for
something I crave. On top of that, it feels can go one of two ways: either I shy away 10 years (realhair.co.uk). e