Karsyn Hardy

Haslam 1010

Link to Article
https://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2018/01/04/554564010/i-know-where-yo
u-ve-been-digital-spying-and-divorce-in-the-smartphone-age

In “I Know Where You’ve Been: Digital Spying And Divorce In The Smartphone
Age” published January 4, 2018 to NPR, the author Aarti Shahani addresses spying on
others such as spouses. They go over the story of a lady known as “M” and describe
her situation and others similar, showing the audience through ​ethos, pathos, and logos,
that divorce is changing and spying on people is becoming more common and more of
a problem than ever before.
Shahani starts off her writing by explaining the story of “M” a lady who felt she
was constantly being watched. She would leave town to get away from her ex husband
who she felt was stalking her. She always felt that he knew where she was. M felt as if
her husband was using a tracking device on her, she looked into tracking devices, but
couldn’t find anything. Until she took her car into a shop and they discovered a small
tracking device by her front left tire. After removing the tracking device she still felt there
was some way he was tracking her so she kept looking and traded her phone in just in
case. Shahani continues to talk about spyware more in detail and divorce linked to
tracking.
Shahani then includes how M feels. M said at a police station, "I am now fully
aware that all of those times that I thought I was keeping myself safe, all of those times
that I was leaving town, all of those times that I was staying in different places, staying
at friends' houses, I never was safe." This really puts emotion into this, using the words
of M to describe her feelings as she went through this. This left her scared, she made
this statement,”’I'm terrified. I am absolutely terrified," she said at the precinct, holding
back tears. "I might still be functioning. But that doesn't mean I'm not terrified.’”Including
this statement adds pathos to the story making you as a reader feel bad and upset that
her ex husband would do this to her. “We won't disclose any of their names or where
she lives to protect her identity because she fears for her safety.” Shahani also includes
this statement to show that “M’s” fear has not gone away since the incident. Including
this brings it to life, fear doesn’t just go away, now she is paranoid, thinking her
ex-husband is still tracking her. M even went a step further and took her phone to the
Apple store to see if there was any tracking on it, but all Apple did was give her a new
phone, taking the possibility of any tracking off of her phone, but never giving her an
answer to if he was tracking her on her phone as well.
The authors also explain how many couples are starting to use technology to
track and spy on each other more and more. “According to dozens of divorce lawyers,
investigators and even a leading family court judge whom NPR interviewed. Tools are
cheap and easy to use — from something as simple as the Find My iPhone feature to
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Haslam 1010

spyware that can be installed in a spouse's computer, phone, or even a car, as M had
discovered.” Shahani uses this to bring in some credibility to show this isn’t just the case
with M and her ex-husband, this is happening all the time and in many different ways
with divorced couples. Ethos is used to show why this is credible and how because M
was put in this situation. It is so easy to put tracking on anything: phone, computers,
cars, ect and the uprising in technology isn’t helping.
Shahani uses a very valuable statement at the end of this document to show
compassion for the opposing side. She uses a statement from an attorney named
Randy Kessler, she says "I see it in their eyes. I tell them: 'Don't do it.' But they still do it.
And you know personally, if it was in my life, I'd be tempted." Using this creates even
more pathos by seeing it from the eyes of the people who are getting divorced, or
separated. Although she tells her clients not to do it, she claims she would still be
tempted if she was put in that same situation. This is a great way to peek into the side of
people who are putting trackers on others.
Shahani also includes court cases to increase the amount of logos, “​NPR
reviewed two dozen cases that have made their way into criminal or civil courts and
found that punishments are uneven for use of spying tools.” ​She shared two of these
cases, one of these being a man who used tracking on his wife and was in prison for 4
years. But on the other hand we have a man who put a tracker on a shared car and was
not sentenced to anything because it was a joint car. These cases are hard to figure out
the sentences and even if they are illegal.
Shahani also uses the rhetorical tool of logos toward the end of her story. In the
section “What the data shows.” the author goes on to include data about how much
tracking happens. “​1.5 percent​ of all adults in the U.S. were victims. That figure more
than doubled — to 3.3 percent — for people who were divorced or separated.” This
opens the readers' eyes to how many people are victims of tracking even if they don’t
know it, and how many more are being tracked if they are divorced or separated. Trying
to figure out if you are being tracked is not easy or cheap, “People who believe they are
victims have to pay thousands of dollars out of pocket to get a private investigator who
specializes in digital forensics to diagnose their smartphones or laptops.” Most people
don’t have the money and use the easier solution of just erasing the hardware, just like
in the story of M.
Shahani does a good job at including all three categories of ethos, pathos, and
logos. Including the story of M and all her feelings toward the situation she was put
through. Also including other similar cases helped bring in the fact that this is happening
more and more with divorced and separated couples. Bringing statistics into it helped
back up that this is happening all the time but especially between couples that are
having problems. Then finally viewing it from the other side and making sure people
know that this is a hard thing to stay away from, helped bring in two sides into one.
Karsyn Hardy
Haslam 1010

Word count: 1104

Work Cited

Shahani, Aarti, and Lauren Silverman. “I Know Where You've Been: Digital Spying
And Divorce In The Smartphone Age.” ​NPR​, NPR, 4 Jan. 2018,
www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2018/01/04/554564010/i-know-where-you
-ve-been-digital-spying-and-divorce-in-the-smartphone-a.
Karsyn Hardy
Haslam 1010

Peer reviews
Meridien Grandpre
-I would change this to "the"
-YOu could turn this into a great thesis statement if you state what tools the
author uses to do it. You don't currently have a thesis statement
-Summary dies a bit
-This could be its own sentence
-It wasn't clear that she was looking for a device her husband may have planted
until much later. Maybe clarify
-This portion turns more into pathos than remaining a summary. I would give an
idea of what is being talked about throughout the essay before jumping into the
rhetorical elements. This being said, this is a great example of pathos! I would make it a
paragraph of its own.
-I would emphasize that this is ethos and state that her experiences are the
reason M is qualified to talk about stalking.
-maybe condense this a little. It is a lot to read. Emphasize the important parts
-I would make a transition from the quote in the last paragraph to the beginning
of this paragraph. I also think you could just include this in the last paragraph.
-MAybe move this section up to where your pathos paragraph would be.
-Great job addressing the effectiveness of articles!
t-his is a list. you need commas

You do a really great job providing evidence to support your ethos, logos, and
pathos. For example, I really liked, “...all of those times that I thought I was keeping
myself safe... I never was safe." This really emphasizes M’s fear and is a great
example of pathos. I Would provide a little more background information in the
introduction. Readers can only get a basic idea of what is about to be discussed. I
would add more information about M’s story and maybe hint at who M is. I would also
add a thesis statement. You have a good start to one at the end of the first paragraph.
Your summary starts out great and then starts to fade. Instead of talking about
what was discussed in the article, you jump into your examples of rhetorical elements. I
honestly think you could take out or paraphrase some of your pathos. The examples get
really long. I would also analyze your sentences and diversify the length, most of them
are really long as well. Other than that, the essay is organized very well. It flows pretty
well and I didn’t see any spelling errors. There were a couple of grammatical errors and
I annotated some. However, I don’t think I caught all of them so I would double check
everything.
Karsyn Hardy
Haslam 1010

Taja Dang
-" i " in divorce shouldn't be capitalized.
-"Than" not " then." Then is past tense.
-You should short this sentence something along the lines of, “ She looked
around for a tracker of some kind.”
-You should mention her being at the police station at the beginning of this
sentence.
-Brining is salt water from the sea and if you meant to put bringing it’s still too
close to bring.
-It would be nice to get more incite on the uprising in tech. and it affects people
now.
-Anything: phones, computers, cars, etc.
-" Putting "
-What other side are you talking about here?
-" Peek " not "Peak". Peak is like a mountain's highest point.
-Period not a comma.

Some of the strengths in this essay is that you used quite a bit of evidence to back up
every statement. The introduction is lacking in attention grabbing but it introduces what
the essay is gonna be written about. I just wish I had the article to compare it to. After
looking up the article that was mentioned, I feel like the overall essay broke down the
article quite well. The thesis statement is digital spying and divorce in today's
technology. I would say this essay truly focuses on the text itself. You mention both
parts of the article which are very important because you didn’t leave out and main
points. As a writer you use quotes from the article itself. I feel like having and using such
evidence make your essay stronger and more believable. I like how you incorporated
the writer's own experience to show that the statement of the article is person. Some
readers could relate to her statement and felt more strongly about the article than most.
The conclusion gives a prompt idea of both statements but it seems to talk about the
divorce and separation side more. Overall I feel like the essay was more or less
organized but there are quite a few spelling and grammar errors that need to be fixed.

Elizabeth Cifuentes
- I also had this article and I don't quite remember if children were included.
I may be wrong but I would make sure.
-I would make sure to change this because it is two others writing the article, but you do
not know which one. So use, "They". Unless you would use another word.
-This sounds as if they're going over the story of the letter M. I would clarify that "M" is a
person.
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Haslam 1010

-This part sounds really choppy. It doesn't flow very well, but I would change the first
sentence of the highlighted section and rephrase the part after the comma.
-How do you know that it's Shahani speaking?
-Make sure to be checking for grammar errors.
-Try not to use the same/similar words so close and in the same sentence because it
sounds too repetitive.
-Again, try to be careful with the repetition in the sentences. I would either reword or
rephrase them and use different words with the same meaning. I would use the
thesaurus.
-Check grammar.
-I would go throughout the essay and make sure that the authors you are giving are
actually the one's stating it.
-Make sure to be checking all punctuation.

I think you wrote this essay well, but it is also visible that it was written in a hurry. I love
how nicely you were able to put very descriptive information throughout the essay to
prove your point. Although, the thesis statement wasn’t very clear to me, as well as
where exactly you are speaking of pathos and ethos. In the section for what I’m thinking
of is ethos, it is a bit confusing because it is not very clear what you are using as ethos.
I understand what you were trying to explain, but I think you should make it clear. Most
of the comments I made repeated themselves throughout the essay, so I suggest
rereading it all and making sure it sounds right. I enjoyed reading it and I think you still
did a good job.