Dedication

For Sophia, Constantine and Alexia

Foreword

I have a vague memory of meeting a psychiatrist for the first time when I was in my
twenties. I don’t remember his name, or much about the session. He told me that the
depression I was suffering would be temporary, that as I had always managed to be
successful in the past, I would soon overcome my difficulties and become successful again in
the present. He seemed caring, kind and supportive. He didn’t give me a diagnosis of any
sort, or prescribe any medication, and he didn’t ask to see me again. Looking back I can see
that I didn’t have a language at that age to describe what was occurring in my inner world of
thoughts and feelings, and that he wasn’t prepared to engage with me in a way that would
help me to uncover those issues, and help me to see where work was needed.

The second psychiatrist to enter my life was Dr Peter Rowan. I met him at the Priory in
Roehampton in 2000, where he diagnosed me as suffering with bipolar disorder and treated
me with Lithium. After discharge I would meet with him on an occasional basis, whenever
my mood was affected by something. He was meticulous about describing the side effects of
lithium, and ensuring that I did regular blood tests. We got on well, and I considered him a
support, and a father figure of sorts. He treated me for eleven years, and I was stable during
the whole period. When I occasionally raised an issue to do with sex, or with attraction to
women outside of my marriage, he would joke about being a man, and how normal my
behaviour was. He once told me that his father used to tell him that the problem with being
a man was that as you got older the “age range that you find attractive” got wider and
wider, so that the problem of finding other women attractive got larger and larger. Dr
Rowan was disbarred in 2011, and I was no longer able to see him.

The third psychiatrist that I met was Dr Stephen Pereira, and my work with him forms the
basis of this book. More about that to come.

In 2018 my daughter, Sophia began to struggle with her mood, which was when I met a
fourth psychiatrist, Dr Hannelie Fourie. Dr Fourie took my daughter into her care at the
Nightingale Hospital when she was at a low ebb, diagnosed her with bipolar disorder, and
treated her with a mood stabilizer, sleeping pills, and individual and family therapy. I had no
concerns about my daughter when she was in Dr Fourie’s care.

I believe it was in December 2019 that Sophia decided to change psychiatrist, and to start
work with Dr Muller-Pollard, who later became the fifth psychiatrist that I have met. This
psychiatrist decided to take a different approach, taking her off the mood stabilizers and
putting her on anti-depressants and amphetamines while she was sent to do intensive
trauma work at a facility outside of London called Khiron House. Two months later she was
in a state of mania and psychosis, and was readmitted to the Nightingale Hospital.
Sophia’s mother, a wealthy heiress, contacted the doctor and offered him a blank cheque to
heal her daughter. The subsequent two months that she spent at the Nightingale Hospital in
the care of Dr Muller-Pollard were the most anxious time of my life.