You gave up on me when all this time I thought you'll fight for me 'til my heart

becomes full and choose to beat for you. I knew all along that those efforts, signs,
and care that you always showed me will come to an end, but I didn't think it will
happen this early. You confess all your love for me and ask me to be your 'the
one', but I couldn't utter the right words you always wanted to hear from me.
I can't choose you now. I just can't. How can I choose you half-heartily when you
deserve a full-pledged love? I ended up telling you that I needed some time, more
time to think this through, but you chose to give up on me. I can't blame you.
Perhaps, I didn't give you the signals and signs quite clearly, that I really want you
too, but my heart isn't fully fixed yet.
'Til this time as I walked away from you, all I think about is your question that I
couldn't answer in front of you.
"How long will you gonna let me love you alone?" you asked.
"I am starting to love you, but perhaps, the time we chose to love each other
didn't sync and rhyme with time and destiny." I murmured to myself.
It is ironic how I cannot find myself being scared in losing someone I love just by
knowing that there are memories that were kept and moments that were shared.
Maybe those are things that keeps me being alive, because if it weren't because
of them, maybe I already took my life. Our photographs of yesterdays, our music
of heartbeats and lullabies, our cups of coffee in the morning, our footprints in
the ground and silhouettes at the wall; are the things that reminds me that even
though you're already gone, you have never left me alone.
In fact, there's nothing to be scared of, because loving someone means being
ready to let go and is aware of the consequences to face once someone decides
to no longer needs to stay.
And I was prepared for it, yet you're still the love I cannot forget.
Sometimes I feel like the world is too big that I can't find where do I belong and I can't help but be lost.
But often times I feel like the world is too small that it's suffocating and I feel like
there is no room for me to breathe.
And a lot of times I feel like I just want to disappear and have a chance to escape
reality.