Yessika Sutomo

01101200017

“DOUBTS OF RELIGIOUS IDENTITY”

I. BACKGROUND

Adolescence time is one of the periods where we develop our physical, intellectual,
moral, social, emotional, and religiosity. In the adolescence period, adolescence has that
desire to search for their identity. According to Erikson’s Theory, this phase is on stage
Identity vs. Role Confusion, where adolescence has the desire to look further about who they
are and their place in the society. [ CITATION Sau13 \l 1033 ] In the spiritual context,
according to Fowler’s theory, this phase has arrived on stage 3: synthetic sonventional Stage
where they start to questioning their religious identity, this desire is driven by conflict that
happens within themselves. The existence of inner conflict between dogma and the society
norms with their desire itself creates anxiety and doubts about their beliefs within
themselves. [ CITATION Nor12 \l 1033 ]

This experience happen to me when i was in my first semester, grade 11 senior high
school. I didn’t think that is normal when i have that doubts about my religious identity and
it creates anxiety. Something that driven my doubts are people around me, they have
different religions than me, it makes me aware that my religion is a minority group in my
environment and it made me think; am i worshiping the right God? Is there God? I also
questioned the existence of this world, is this world exist because God created it? Or it just
the result of the coincidence of science? With all of this question, i was so confused and i
start to doubts my beliefs.

Our religious life/identity is existential of personal quality, a person's personality

orientation in response to the value and transcendent power, orientation towards them-self,
fellow and the universe, and applied through forms cumulative tradition, stated by Wilfred
Cantwell Smith [ CITATION Muh06 \l 1033 ]. This phase is a normal phase for people that
understand this theory but when i was in a position where i didn’t know what and why i feel
like this, i feel really confused. I also felt afraid to share it, it because what i thought they
will not help me but judge me. But one day i met my friend, i tell all my doubts to hi and he
really encourage me to believe and doubtless, i wouldn’t know where am i if i didn’t get
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back my fait, i problaly lost it if i didn’t have someone to share and bring me back to the
right path. because of that it is very important to discuss about this material, i hope if i have
chance to rectify this journal in the future, i hope this journal will be a blessing for other that
still have doubts of their religious identity so they can through this stage easier.

Based on my experience doubts about religious identity start with questioning the
truth. “All truth is God’s truth” stated by Augustine of Hippo, that means that all truth comes
from God and none can seek the truth by themselves. As an adolescent i used to seek the
truth by myself, thinking about maybe i can find the truth by myself. In a book
called “Filsafat & Iman Kristen 1”. Worldly wisdom without faith will never lead humans
to a knowledge of Christ (the truth). [ CITATION Col11 \l 1033 ] “For by grace are ye
saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any
man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (KJV)
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II. PROBLEM ANALYSIS

Doubts of religious identity come from moral injury (MI), the definition of MI itself
is perpetrating, failing to prevent, bearing witness to, or learning about acts that transgress
deeply held moral beliefs and expectations.[ CITATION Dan15 \l 1033 ] Moral injurity in doubts
of religious identity caused by dogmas that they have been thaught when they were kid
different from what they get in adolescence period (from environment, society, and people
around them that might be have different beliefs, might be same beliefs but have different
perspective, even other that don’t believes the existence of God). This case happen when we
already complete our cognitive development, and this case can’t be stand out by itself, it
relates to all the experiences and educational processes that he went through as a child,
because the experience that they’ve been through will give impact to their personal picture.
[ CITATION Sya16 \l 1033 ]

Indecision in adolescence occurs when they have passed a level where they have to
go through the cognitive development, so that their way of thinking is perfect. This is what
prompts questions that make them doubt their beliefs. According to Piaget’s theory of
cognitive development, adolescence has arrived at formal operation stage where adolescence
gain the ability to think deeper about everything that they think inept logically. [ CITATION
Bak14 \l 1033 ] They will not just gain the dogmas but they will think critically and logically
and start seeking for more information also different perspective considering about wich one
is the truth. Based on my experience, i was born in a strict Christian family, i always thaught
about Christian dogma so i have a good understanding that supposed to strengthen my faith
but where i socialize have different beliefs than me and we talk about it so much and makes
me think critically and deeply about my beliefs. Beside that, i also have online friends and
most of them believe in science, we also talk so much about it. It end up make me doubting
my beliefs and at that time i have more attention to science, where people that believe in the
science believe that everything happen is an scientific incident. And this what make me
doubted my beliefs.
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Based on my experience my doubts of my religious identity really have big impact

on my religious life like reduced religious activities like reading bible, praying, and
worshiping God. I also started to believing that everything happened and created by
scientific accident. And it also impact my religious life on society, its makes me make a
gab between me and people from my church, i spent my days to search more about the
different about my belief and science wich one is the truth.

Presponding factor that driven doubts of religious identity

1. Fear of filure
In adolescence doubts of religious identity, one of question that make
adolescence doubting their religious identity is “am i worshiping the right God?
[ CITATION Pau18 \l 1033 ] based on my experience i also think about this and its kinda
scares me if i’m worshiping the wrong God i might not saved (will not be in heaven)
and this is what i thought when i heard about failure in spiritual context.
2. Trust issues
Trust issue is a problem of trust crisis experienced by a person towards another
person, who has betrayed, hurt, or lied to.[ CITATION Rim19 \l 1033 ] trust issues happen
between person towards person but it impact their spiritual growth.
3. Anxiety
The existence of inner conflict between dogma and the society norms with their desire
itself creates anxiety and doubts about their beliefs within themselves. [ CITATION Ter15
\l 1033 \m Nor12]

Precipitating Factors that driven doubts of religious identity

1. Lack of parental role in impart basic religious dogma

Parental role is very important in impart religious understanding and religious
dogma to adolescence. Most of their understanding and dogma grows by their parents
beliefs and dogma that their parents teach to them. So lack of parental role in impart
basic religious dogma will make adolescence questioning their beliefs and it have big
impact to their spiritual growth. [ CITATION Muh06 \l 1033 ]
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Dia memaparkan bahwa hikmat

dunia tanpa iman tidak akan
pernah dapat membawa
manusia
kepada suatu pengenalan akan
Krist
2. Mistakes of religious organizations and religious leaders
There are many religious organizations that create a lot of disputes between
organizations within religions, which give the impression that the religion they profess
is uncertain. In other side religious leader that supposed to be a role of servant of God,
person who interact with God daily, and a person that knows God having some
behaviour that against the word of God that they’ve been thaught. [ CITATION Muh15 \l
1033 ]
3. These assumptions are based on positivity and an expectation of safety in the
world
Janoff-Bulman proposes that there are three funda-mental assumptions
common in Western thinking. Continuing Bonds, Task-Based Healing, and Positive
Outcomes, that is
 The world is benevolent (for example, the belief that God loves us and good things
happen to good people).
 The world is meaningful (a child should not die before his/her potential is
fulfilled).
 The self is worthy (I am a good person and this should not happen to me)
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With all of this assumptions people start presume that bad thing will never
come to us if we believe on our beliefs. And when the When tragic accident like death,
a divorce, loss of a job, etc happened they start to think why God let all these things
happen to them and it create disappointment with God and their beliefs [ CITATION Ter15
\l 1033 ] and the biggest consequence in this case is loss their faith in God.
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III. SELF REFLECTION

This experience happened when i was in my 11 grade on my senior
highschool. I live among people that have different beliefs than me and besides that i
have a lot of online friends and they don’t believe the existence of God. It makes me
questioning my religious identity that i have. With all of different beliefs and
perspective it makes me wondering am i in the right religion? Religious identity is
very important. Therefore, at that time I was able to think critically and logically to
get to the truth. At that moment I believed that I could reach the truth on my own and
this was what made me tired of pursuing the truth with my strength. I didn’t think that
this phase is normal because according to Christian teaching the faith that makes us
believe is a gift of God, but at that time I assumed that if God really gives grace then
that belief will not be lost no matter how hit by anything.

Doubts of religious identity is a normal phase humans are evolving beings,

and this development occurs as long as we live. But in development itself there must
be people who help us in this development, this development must occur but it must
be under supervision so that humans can develop properly. This phase is on stage
Identity vs. Role Confusion, where adolescence has the desire to look further about
who they are and their place in the society. According to Erikson’s theory and i’m
sure that every adolescence will experience this too.

Worldly wisdom without faith will never lead humans to a knowledge of Christ
(the truth). [ CITATION Col11 \l 1033 ] “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and
that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 (KJV) our faith is a grace from God and that means that we cant’t seek
for it only with our strength, we need God to help us to finds the truth. If we only rely
on our thought and worldly wisdom and worldly opinion it will never bring us to the
truth, its only vanity “And I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness
and folly: I perceived that this also was a striving after wind.” Ecclesiastes 1 : 17
[ CITATION Adr14 \l 1033 ]
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To fix my doubts of religious identity i realize that i can’t never get the truth with
my own strength so my action to erase my doubts is just to surrender all to God and ask
Him tu lead me on His way. even though i already firmly believe that Jesus Christ is
Lord i still can’t rely everything to God, my flesh still can’t rely it on God. I’m still
trying, and i always ask for God to help me not to use my own strength. Bside that i try
to build my relationship with God by reading and meditate abou God’s word and
praying.

IV. CONCLUSIONS
Doubts of religious identity is a normal phase and it happen on our adolescence period
where our cognitive development completely developed, wich enable adolescence tthink
critically and logically. This phase creates anxiety within themselves wich caused by The
existence of inner conflict between dogma and the society norms with their desire itself
presponding factor that driven doubts of religious identity are Fear of filure, Trust issues,
anxiety. Precipitating Factors that driven doubts of religious identity are Lack of parental
role in impart basic religious dogma, Mistakes of religious organizations and religious
leaders, These assumptions are based on positivity and an expectation of safety in the
world. To fix my doubts of religious identity, we can’t use our own strength to seek for
the truth because our faith is a grace from God, and no man can get it if God is not
involved with in that effort. I use to pray to God “please let me see you so i can
strengthen my faith to you,God” but i realize now as a Christians we do not trust God by
seeing but only by faith that God already gave to us. Now its our duty to keep trusting
what God already give to us and doing His will.
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