The

Coffee Table

Book

written by
Kimberly Brownell
original art by
Suzy Merlini

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 This pdf version of

The Coffee Table Book

is freely available to all,

meant to be shared far and wide,
beginning on this beautiful afternoon
Sunday January 17, 2021.
My heartfelt appreciation and love goes out to
my sister Suzy.

I am honored beyond words

to have your paintings alongside my poems,
which don't really feel like they are "mine"
in that it's far more accurate to say they
came through me, from the divine.

For information on how to get a hardback

full size version of The Coffee Table Book
or for questions about the art
contact thelionsays@protonmail.com

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 Table of Contents

Introduction 4

Dedication : The One 5

Real 10

Hair 12

Pain and Addiction 17

My Brother 22

Prey 28

Admit 32

Ticket to Ride 36

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 introduction
Hello dear reader,

It is with
sincere respect and love
that I welcome you
to experience the flow of words and images
that meander through these pages.

It is my wish that these words will

lighten the hearts
of those that read them,
because for far too long now,
humankind has been,
heavy hearted.

As a reader and a writer,

words are among
my favorite "things".
The following is the quote
I love the most....

"I am my own human" Indy, age 4

Children instinctively know truth.

Remember dear reader,
We are all "our own human".
4

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 dedication
This divinely inspired creation I dedicate to my dear husband,
for without his constant love and support this book never
would have come to be.

The One

YOU are the one,

as I sit under this Costa Rica sun,
who has for me,
gone above and beyond
what anyone else
has ever done.
You
Are
The
One.

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 You are the one
on this day of St. Valentine ,
I am yours
you are mine,
as we've been throughout all of time.
You
Are
The
One

YOU are the one,

my partner in this game of "house"
we call LIFE,
remember when you said,
"I'll be the husband
if you'll be the wife!"?
You
Are
The
One

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 YOU are the one,
holding my hand yet so far away,
teaching me gratefulness
day after day,
lovingly patient
as I complain and pout
about all of MY chores
day in and day out.
You
Are
The
One

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 Cheers to you my lover
on this Valentine's Day,
thank you for helping me find
that needle in the hay.
In this process you've allowed me
to power wash my heart,
removing all the grime
giving me that restart.
Making me strong in these lessons
of devotion, honor and love
that we daily teach our children
with the grace of God above.

You
Are
The
One

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 9

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 Real
Some people

can't be real

and that's o.k.

by me.

Real is

as

real does,

next time

we'll both

be

trees.
10

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 11

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 Hair
I met a girl last week,
Summer was her name,
beautiful smile,
long pretty hair,
from Baton Rouge she came.

My favorite thing about her

was her shining heart of hearts,
her natural love of children,
a nurturing spirit which set her apart.

I felt a connection with her

that at first I couldn't understand,
thought she didn't like me much,
a card that never seems
to leave my hand.

12

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 That thought turned into a feeling
on the last night of our stay
as the other girls complimented my hair
and she shot her glance my way.

She hesitated in her agreement,

even managed a furrowed brow,
I called her out on it in the moment,
she denied it, looking down.

Three long, awkward seconds followed,

I quickly walked away,
knowing the other girls saw it too,
I didn't know what to say.

A sadness overwhelmed me,

that heavy familiar fog,
lungs tightening in my chest,
like being forced to breathe in thick smog.

13

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 As I felt about it later
the fog began to clear,
it was not about dear Summer,
rather those Daddy issues lurking near.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?"

were his first words to me,
after his selfish year of absence,
avoiding our broken family tree.

Mom had chopped off my long blond locks

that he had held so dear,
too time consuming to brush them,
she'd rather drink her beer.

14

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 He did me a favor though,
as I lovingly look back at it today,
one of my earliest lessons learned,
painful yet paving my way.

Who we are is NOT this vehicle,

adorned with skin and hair.
Who we are goes way way deeper,
untouchable like crystal clear air.

So remember dear, sweet Summer,

your beauty resides within,
shining outward from your heart of hearts,
your gift to us,
your grateful kin.

15

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 16

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 pain and addiction

Pain is like a stain,

never can get rid of it
makes you feel insane.
Whish oh whish
I could make yours
go down the drain.

17

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 Maybe that's what all the
smoking does,
makes you cough, cough, cough,
spitting and hacking
as you bring up and out
all of that pain
from the depths of your body
where it's been sitting,
breeding
when you add more anger to it.

18

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 I see that now,
the cigarettes actually
help you get rid of the pain,
little bit by little bit,
and society adds
just enough
pressure to maintain
the balance of hurt and rage
that lie there
so comfortable
in the bottom
of your sweet heart of gold.

19

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 The garbage and the pain,
they are the foundation that sustains
your shining heart of hearts.

And beneath it all my love

lies the grief and despair
so uniquely yours,
and who am I
to try
to change that?
To take that of which
you have actually come to hold dear,
year after year
of your life
that I am truly honored
to share
with you.

20

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 21

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 My Brother
I have a brother
from another mother
to whom I can relate
like no other.

But wait...
here's where I hesitate;
I realize it's through
that mysterious force
we call fate,
truly,
it's with his children
that I absolutely relate.

DON'T TALK
DON'T TRUST
DON'T FEEL

These are the rules

of his house,
an unspoken deal.

22

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 It's the same in every house like his,
just like mine growing up,
the energy is familiar,
we are kin.

There are thousands,

probably millions of children
who suffer in this way,
tip-toeing through land mines of eggshells
day after day.

The abusers don't realize

that their habits cause others so much pain.

Why do we drink
smoke and
shoot up?

Oh yeah,
avoidance of our own ungood feeling emotion.
(Deep down we know it's all in vain)

23

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 What makes it terrifyingly difficult
to let go
of that which we've held onto for so long,
is that it's been there longer than we can remember,
the very notes of our own personal song.

Choosing to truly heal yourself

is the toughest road of all,
definitely not meant
for the weak, meek or small.

The thing is,

it may seem quite daunting
to feel
that which was buried so long ago,
but if I could do it,
so can you,
this I surely know.

24

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 Pain is just a thought,
like everything else in this life,
but letting it swim
from your gut to your head,
keeps you in a never ending cycle
of struggle and strife.

Choosing to feel it in your heart

may seem like an ominous task.
But how does it differ from a wasp sting?
As young Jesse just taught us,
when you accept it,
then let it go,
pain doesn't last.

25

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 What a burden it must be for you,
a heavy, heavy load,
to carry all that pain around
as you travel down every road.

While you loving care for your family

providing for all their needs,
my hope is that this poem has touched your heart,
and of my words you will take heed.

Even though I love this

brother from another mother,
I've spent a lot of time
hating him too,
he's married to my sweet, sweet sister
whose name happens to be Lou.

Well, that's how it is with LOVE and HATE,

two star-crossed lovers on a perpetual date,
can't have one without the other,
this I say to you,
my brother from another mother.

26

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 27

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 Prey

I know that there will come a day

when I no longer feel like prey.

And you
reading these words
as a woman
will say, "No way!"

"As it was in the beginning,

so it shall be in the end,
women will always be
objectified by men."

But I, in my humanness,
refuse to believe that.
We truly are, after all,
more than skin, bones and fat.

28

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 I am confident in my fellow humans,
who each in their own way
will surely ascend
in their spiritual evolution
one day.

We will honor in each other

the thing that unites us all,
the spirit that resides within
all creatures
great and small.

And you,
yes you -
ignorant man jacking off in the bushes-
What the fuck?
How do you think it makes her feel?
My young innocent daughter
as you stare with such zeal?

29

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 You are missing the big picture
and to me that's a crime
to live in your lower chakras
all of the time.

You're missing out you know,

there is so much more to see,
so much more to learn,
so much more to be.

With love
I will patiently wait
for the rest of you to catch up,
breathing, breathing,
as Spirit fills my cup.

I know it to be true
that there will come a day
when I
no longer
feel like
prey.

30

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 31

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 Admit
When we admit
we finally let in
that which we're afraid to face,
the very truth that we fear,
yet paradoxically hold dear,
a dilemma for the whole human race.

An age old problem for all

as we have forever
feared the fall,
but especially
in this time,
in this space.
Shown through our words
and our deeds,
we are collectively
in dire need
of our loving
higher power's grace.

32

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 Stop and listen
and you may be guided,
through your heart
and just as I did,
grab the hand
of your fellow human
and dare to ask,

"How have my words or deeds hurt you?
How have yours hurt me?
What can we do together
to better serve our family tree?"

This simple act will build bridges,

rather than severing ties,
transparency in our communication,
letting go of any lies.

33

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 The moment we do this
our burden is lifted,
we are back to feeling free,
which is the way we felt before coming here,
the goal of collective humanity.

Long story short:

Admitting
need not
feel so heavy,
but rather like
holding an E-ticket
for a ride,
at our favorite childhood
amusement park,
sitting with our best friend
at our side.

34

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 Together We Ride

I like it not
living here
in a place of dread
and fear.

So,
realizing my preference
I will
forever more
choose excitement
and courage,
shutting the door
when those old familiars
come knocking.

36

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 Being aware
in this newfound
knowing of mine
I will look forward
to each trigger,
pretending I've reached
the end of the line
for another ride
in this amusement park
we call LIFE.

With each trigger

I step into the coaster
and plant myself for the trip,
hands grabbing the bar
as it reaches my lap,
falling down heavy
with a loud click.

37

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 Knowing I'm safe
knowing I'm fine
as I
with the other riders
make the climb
to the top of the first hill
readying ourselves for the drop
suddenly
an epiphany
a new realization
everything stops.

It's no longer
just "me"
I'm now speaking
from the collective "we"
because in my new knowing
I have found
with relative ease
that we really are all one
making triggers a breeze,
now to be in the space of "we" and not "me"
I am strong with the other riders
in our sweet humanity.
38

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