I blame myself

Life is so short full or grim facts, anxieties and all the realities that one has to encounter in order to
accomplish ones dream or more accurate ones ego. Life is so beautiful if it’s according to the rules and
regulations assigned by nature or else it’s the other way out. No one knows what’s coming next that’s
why it’s ordered to have faith in god as Allah (s.w.t) says in Quran

If Allah helps you, none can overcome you…..(V.3:160)

And that’s on what I believe since childhood and now have complete faith in it after the short backs and
unforgettable realities I had to face as was going against the nature’s law, but will thank every moment
to the sole power that is no other than Allah the Almighty.

Well I am, 23 a Muslim Pakistani female living with my family in Saudi happily by the grace of Allah. Like
everyone I had a dream of becoming an engineer whom Allah the Almighty accomplished but never
knew what I had gone through to get my dream fulfilled.

As a girl and luckily a Muslim one I want to enlighten my upcoming youth not to go against the nature’s
law, well you all would be puzzled that why I am using this law thingy so often. So here are the facts.

Islam forbid woman to live alone, that’s the first law (I am using this law word as I like it) I went against
it.

Islam orders early marriages as soon as one reaches the age of puberty, in order to clear up the
corruption that is so common nowadays, and is a very clear sign for the day of judgment, we as Muslims
don’t follow it and so are at a loss, so am I.

Islam prohibits co- education, which gives birth to certain ethical crimes and character –threatening
alarm.

There are certain many aspects but I at the moment want to share some harsh realities of my life.

I lived in hostel for four years in a reputed government university located in Karachi that is known for its
best graduates and one of the oldest institutes that produced thousands of engineering graduates every
year. At the beginning of my career I felt that I have to do everything on my own and I can do it all. That
was one of my blunders that I never shared anything with anyone neither my parents nor anyone else. I
still remember those phone calls which I used to receive during my examination which threatened me
for in every paper I had to write the next day. What he wanted was the foolish obscure friendship or
else he will put a supply in that course I damn cared about it but to add fire to fuel the number was of
my university’s admin with the government code at the start. It was during the first year of my career.
That was a real shock and a depression for me.

The worst happened with me in May 2008, when I was doing my internship and was staying at the
hostel. I used to walk for hours in the ground that was a calm place with nobody around. What I saw at
one night that some boys were trying to get into the hostel through the boundary wall. I could hardly
manage to control my anger and I went to them along with the guard to warn them and I being so fool
was hoping from the university to take a legal step. They all made fun of me in front of the warden with
guards, who were there to safeguard us regretfully. They informed me in a very pleasant tone that I
would bear the consequences pretty soon, they weren’t wrong though.

The next day that was 22th of May I was on my way back to hostel a police mobile stopped me at the
pavement of a very busy street and inquired my national identity card, they dragged me into the car and
I recognized their faces with their evil thoughts and desperation on their faces, and I have no words to
tell what they did with me… the point why I am sharing this is that please never ever live on your own its
all wrong and you get nothing in the end but a shameful life…

Why am I saying my life as a shameful one, because two other hostellers saw the insulting episode and
the worst day of my life but they denied witnessing the scene. NEVER TRUST ANYONE I KNOW HOW IT
HURTS…IT REALLY HURTS.

My family was all over here and I alone so I didn’t tell them as my sisters wedding was about to held.
Time passed by and I again started living for others but never knew what will happen at the end.

The friends who were among my most trustworthy ones behaved to b the worst enemy that was my
fault of trusting them with all my will and support.

Those girls of my hostel for whom I never let them go alone turned to be the false narrator about my
character and all I simply don’t know why people don’t care about the day of resurrection. May Allah
forgive us all.

Friends become foes, blood relatives turn to be strangers the only relation that is pure is of parents.
Please it s a request never go against your parents decision or you will be all destroyed I know how it
makes one feel when the time is over.

Please make your decision wise I know how it feels when you see the same faces around you moving so
confidently who has ruined your life.

I analyzed my whole tenure and have come to a conclusion that is I was wrong and I blame myself for it.

It would never happen with me if I followed the right Islamic path that leads to nowhere but peace and
tranquility.

Anyhow, whatever happened is a very crucial lesson for others to take a major step in order to stop
torturing oneself. I to be very sincere with all of you people who reads this article want to say that
please don’t let yourself go in hell with the decision of living all alone because if you do so than you have
to have loss something either the dignity or whatever comes as a hurdle.

I know this doesn’t happen with all and may Allah keep everyone safe but living alone for girls in a
country like Pakistan is a huge blunder like I made. I sometimes think why girls don’t enjoy the freedom
and luxuries that Islam has bestowed upon them, why do they behave as if they are the non-believers,
now I have realized as I had been through all this, but now it’s my aim not to recommend any girl to live
in a place like hostel or without parents, as they are the true gift of god. Seriously

You have to have face billions of question every day regarding your personal life, family structure,
ethical values and its nothing but a mental torture with which every girl living on her own has to bear.

You have to face jealousy among the people of your age, mutual estrangement and everything that
hurts, so why to choose the path that leads to your apparent success but inner failure.

Whenever I see a girl of my age who lives all her bachelor life with her parents I consider her as the most
blessed one, although we never know what will happen the next moment but the moment in which
you’re living with your parents is the best one seriously now I know the worth of it. I don’t want anyone
to suffer like I did. Please think over it.

All people except few are double faced so never ever trust anyone whole heartedly especially those who
praise you a lot as they are getting jealous of your personality or anything. Never befriend with a guy
seriously. It’s my personal experience because you don’t know the inner dirty mind of them that’s why
Islam prohibits co-education. It’s my personal experience although your intention would be clear but
they take it in the wrong sense. So all I want to say is beware. The best policy is being in the world as if
you were a stranger.

May Allah bless us all.