JASPER

You see, Mayor Sapsea? It’s just as I’ve been saying— there is an

instinctive rivalry between my own dear boy and this Landless fellow

...and I fear his hot-blooded Eastern temperament.

SAPSEA

Oh, I think you exaggerate the matter, Mr. Jasper.

JASPER

I will go mad! Do you not realize there is more than one side, one

face to all things in nature?

(Towards a frenzy)

Beneath Neville’s tainted English accent and adopted English manners,

there is a heathen Landless, a tribesman Landless, a half-blooded,

half-bred, half-caste who would kill as easily as he would comb his

sleek hair!

SAPSEA

Come now, Mr. Jasper, this is quite extraordinary—

JASPER

(Berserk)

To the contrary, nothing could be more ordinary, sir!

(Catching himself)

I myself suffer from this sort of duality on occasion. Sometimes I

will...forget things... and in going back to fetch them, half-expect

to meet myself rounding a corner I’ve already turned...

(Musical vamp begins)

SAPSEA

(To audience as CHAIRMAN)

And what about me, having to be your chairman and play this Mayor

Sapsea bloke at the same time? It’s damned confusing!

JASPER

...indeed like our two-sided Neville Landless, I find that...

Jasper:

I am not myself these days

for all I know I might be you.

There's more than room enough for two inside my mind.

Sapsea:

I am likewise in a haze of who I am from

scene to scene;

What's more we two, (we four, I mean)

are in a bind!

Jasper:

For is it I or is it me?

Sapsea:

And if I'm him and if I'm he, each on of us might not

Agree on what to do.

Jasper:

And if I take opposing sides within myself,

Then who divides up what is right or wrong?

Sapsea:

I'll go along with you.

Both:

Ha'penny, one penny, tupenny, thrupenny

Twelve to a shilling, twice that to a florin

And would you not fancy the currency foreign

To find the same face on both sides of the coin?

Bob is your uncle from pennies to guineas,

The two-sided mint is the rule, not exception,

And would you not feel quite the fool of deception

To find the same face on both sides of the coin?


Sapsea:
Jasper:

Odds or evens,
Heads or tails,
it's high or low
or black and white,
It's up or down

Or left and right

or night

or day!

Sapsea:

Nature seldom ever fails to most obligingly provide

An undisclosed opposing side to one's dismay.

Jasper:

There's shadows in this shining morn,

Sapsea:

If there's a rose it bears a thorn,

Jasper:

You're good as dead as soon as born,

Both:

And yet we smile!

Sapsea:

But luck's division is perverse

Jasper:

It seems to work more in reverse

Sapsea:

If things are better, they'll be worse in just a while!

Both: (3x)

Ha'penny, one penny, tupenny, thrupenny

Twelve to a shilling, twice that to a florin

And would you not fancy the currency foreign

To find the same face on both sides of the coin?

Bob is your uncle from pennies to guineas,

The two-sided mint is the rule, not exception,

And would you not feel quite the fool of deception

To find the same face on both sides of the coin?

Both:

Both sides of the coin!

Hey!

SAPSEA

(After applause ends, to audience as CHAIRMAN:)

All together now! Ha’penny, one penny, tupenny...

(Then, as SAPSEA, to JASPER)

You’ve convinced me, Mr. Jasper. I shall certainly keep my eyes fixed

upon this Neville Landless!

JASPER

A brilliant and original idea, Mayor Sapsea! But now I must— CHANGE.

(SAPSEA reacts with terror: JASPER, exiting:)

Good day, sir!

SAPSEA

Bye-bye!