My Wife Is A Goddess

MY WIFE IS A
GODDESS by Vyacheslav Ruzov
Working of miracles is a prerogative of God, not a human.

Therefore, from the standpoint of compatibility, it should be understood
that good relationships are not just friendly or loving relationships in our
present-day understanding of friendship and love. Rather,
these are relationships that simply don’t grow worse.
My Wife Is a Goddess
by Vyacheslav Ruzov
Moscow
2015
MY WIFE IS A GODDESS
(COMPATIBILITY BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN

IN THE VEDIC ASTRO-PSYCHOLOGY)
Working of miracles is a prerogative of God, not a human.

Therefore, from the standpoint of compatibility, it should be understood
that good relationships are not just friendly or loving relationships in
our present-day understanding of friendship and love. Rather, these
are relationships that simply don’t grow worse.
www.ruzov.ru
info@ruzov.ru
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Translated by Katsiaryna Lapitskaya (Belarus)

Edited by Alexey Shakhin (Canada)
Copyright ©2015 V.O. Ruzov. All rights reserved. Any

unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.
Introduction about the Author
Vyacheslav Ruzov is a lecturer, writer, philosopher, psychologist

and traveler, widely known in Russia and abroad. His books and
CDs with recordings of his lectures have large circulations and are
deservedly popular. Experts consider him one of the best specialists in
the field of study of human consciousness.
Vyacheslav Ruzov is the head of the “Balance Club” (Moscow)
and the founder of the International Educational Center for
Consulting Technologies (IECCT) www.mockt.ru
Each year, a research group under his guidance makes expeditions
to the eastern countries, studying the distinctive features of culture and
philosophy of the ancient sages. Based on these explorations, he writes
his books that are recognized as the best guidelines for human behavior
in all life situations. Also, at least twice a year, V. Ruzov together with
his team travels around Russia, Europe and the USA with new lectures
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and presentations. Currently, there are more than 4000 public lectures
delivered in more than 40 cities of Russia and abroad. The author
regularly participates in discussions on topical issues of our time in
television and radio broadcasts.
Vyacheslav Ruzov is the mastermind of the online Balance-TV
project www.balance-tv.ru, the 21st century television based on the
values of healthy living, spirituality, cleanliness and righteousness.
He devotes special attention to family relationships improvement
and other kinds of conflict situations. His works are invaluable in fight
against bad habits. Under his leadership, hundreds of people stopped
drinking and smoking. Practical experience in conjunction with
eastern wisdom makes him unique. According to experts, Vyacheslav
Ruzov possesses a unique style and approach to presenting material.
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INTRODUCTION
These lectures are intended for studying relationship problems

amongst all living entities. In particular, we are going to focus on such
an issue as compatibility between people as seen from the perspective
of Vedic culture. As many of you might have noticed, we are unlikely
to have good chemistry with each and every person. It is even less
easy to develop good chemistry and maintain it. That is true. We are
all different, and so are various kinds of relationships we enter into.
We are all individuals, and our relationships are personal. It means
they can be friendly, neutral or tense. In some cases, the level of our
relationships is predetermined by the compatibility of our characters,
which is called prarabdha-karma, and in some cases we put effort into
our relationships so they could reach a certain stage of development,
and this situation is called kriyaman-karma.
On one hand, there are too many scary stories told about
compatibility. For example, Vedic texts narrate that if a couple in love
were found to be incompatible, the wedding was cancelled. On the
other hand, things are not all that bad because real incompatibility
which is called intolerance occurs only in 3% of cases. Therefore, until
now, in some of the eastern countries the divorce rate is only 3%, as it
should be according to the science of relationships. But let us not hurry
and analyze everything step by step.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
HOW TO BECOME A GOOD PERSON?
Yes, we really want to build good relationships with everyone,

want to become wonderful, spiritually advanced people. But what does
it really mean? There are some laws of nature we can’t just overstep.
Working of miracles is a prerogative of God, not a human. Therefore,
from the standpoint of compatibility, it should be understood that good
relationships are those which don’t grow worse, rather than just friendly
or loving relationships in our present-day understanding of friendship
and love. Relationships occupy their natural level themselves, but it
rests with us to maintain them at this level and not let them go sour.
I really want to transcend the laws (modes) of material nature
and come to love all living beings of this world as children of God. But
when I start to practice that, it turns out that my view of the world of
relationships is a bit sentimental. My love suddenly shows itself to be
violence or punishment…
“We should all love each other” is much easier said than done
in the reality of our world. This is a real problem for us now. Look,
what was the problem Arjuna was faced with in the Bhagavat-gita? He
wanted to love everyone in his own way, by sitting under the tree in a
forest, away from the battlefield of Kurukshetra, but God deprived him
of all illusions, by explaining that this method doesn’t work in this case.
Love requires a change of behavior in accordance with a situation. This
is why love is so interesting. Everything may change in a moment…
Have you noticed?
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THE MAGIC OF LOVE
As a matter of fact, love is at the level of a miracle, hence it can

only be understood as a divine energy. Love is a miracle because it is
beyond this world, beyond the modes of material nature. Just look at
one of the definitions of love: it reveals itself in the fact that I love each
and every person more than I love anybody else. I love my mother
more than anybody else; I love my father more than anybody else; I
love my wife more than anybody else, I love my daughter and love my
teacher more than I love anybody else. I love every living being in this
way. The more you’ll think about it, the closer you’ll be coming to the
realization of the divine origin of love as such.
Let’s turn to the “Bhagavat-gita As It Is” for help in order to learn
the right way to perceive this world in terms of relationships. In the
purport to the verses 22–25, chapter 14, Srila Prabhupada reveals a
conceptual secret that allows one to become peaceful in this world. He
says one needs to get rid of the desire to enjoy a material body, as well
as the desire to get out of it.
In our situation, it means that we should stop thinking of others
as a constant source of enjoyment for us, stop demanding from others
that they should satisfy our desires in every imaginable way. On the
other hand, we should get rid of the desire to be alone, thinking that
now there is nothing to expect from those around us. Abandoning a
relationship that no longer brings a lot of joy is like killing of a cow
that no longer gives a lot of milk. This is a product of sinful thinking
of a man of our time, which in the Vedas is called “kali-chela”, and it
sounds very much like the word “po-kale-chenny” in Russian, meaning
“crippled”.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
FORMS OF IMPROPER RELATIONSHIPS
In fact, the wrong attitude to living beings, or rather, the wrong

attitude towards God, is included into the concept of karma. There can
be 8 400 000 kinds of such improper relationships, which makes us
reap the consequences of our karma in the form of a material body of
a certain type. This is how a variety of living entities come into being.
All these are the consequences of improper relationships. Judging by
the body as such, it’s quite possible to understand what one did in his/
her past life because our current position depends on specific actions
we did in the past. Would you like to know more about it?
Mental disorders have become a huge issue in today’s world.
Astrologers, Vedic experts in karma, know the cause of this problem.
Feeblemindedness is nothing else but a consequence of cow slaughter.
More than that, sages have been warning people for centuries where
misfortune hides in this world. They explain the law of karma
according to which a person who eats meat will always be born a loser,
and everything he/she undertakes will be very difficult to implement.
A modern man can’t stop complaining about life being so hard. But
when I say life became hard it means “I misbehaved in my past life”. By
the way, if a person is born a beggar, it means he/she used to steal in
his/her previous life.
An alcoholic or a drug addict will be punished by having bad
teeth, and leaving vodka at the relatives’ graves at the cemetery leads,
no more, no less, to the appearance of acne. In general, there should be
a very careful approach to food. For example, food theft leads to being
reborn into the body of a rat. And one can become a well-liked bird,
the peacock, in a very simple way: by stealing some vegetables. In the
case of monkeys, it’s even easier to figure out what one can get such a
silly form of existence for: for fruit-stealing, of course. By the way, if a
person does not pray before meals, he/she is born a crow.
I don’t want to scare anybody but all karma one has created,
either good or bad, must necessarily be suffered.
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Unsuffered karma doesn’t disappear even for ten million

centuries. But don’t worry, the solution to this problem does exist, and
we are sure to find it.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
LIFE IS A CONSTANT SEARCH FOR A BALANCE
Throughout life, one should harmonize relations in the following

three directions. One should harmonize one’s relationships with
nature, people and God (put it otherwise, with one’s own soul). It has
been well said of the nature that she is our mother. That’s just the way
it is. Unless the original woman, mother Earth, is happy, how can we
expect those under her shelter to become happy? We all are children
of mother Earth, which means she doesn’t like it when her children
quarrel with one another. How can the mother be happy if her children
hate, or, God forbid, want to kill one another? People say that if you
stamp your feet for a long time, yelling at those around you, it is even
possible to invoke a local earthquake…
After developing a connection with nature, one should establish
good relations with other people. It means we should grow in awareness
of a kinship that exists between us. It’s necessary that we get rid of the
inborn tendency to selfishness. How does it happen? First, I’m selfish
to the max, thinking about myself only. I just don’t care for anything
except things that affect me personally. I live for myself only, although
in actual fact, this is not life – this is a kind of death, a spiritual coma.
Such a life is in no way different from death.
Then I start caring not only about myself but my whole family.
But again, I’m moved by selfish motives. I realize it is impossible to be
happy alone, so I find another person with the same outlook on life and
build selfish happiness together with him/her. Attainment of happiness
narrowed to domestic life is also a form of selfishness, and hence, a
form of loneliness. Life for the sake of the family only doesn’t make one
happy. More often than not, it makes one even more unhappy since
selfishness doesn’t disappear anywhere. It brings to mind the following
example: if a wrongdoer acts in collusion with another wrongdoer, the
severity of punishment for their wrongdoing increases.
Hence, a selfishly disposed family is not exactly a family, but a
social criminal gang that commits a collective crime.
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I need to expand my consciousness to gain an understanding

that the whole world is my family, and I should live and work to make
the whole world happier, not just myself alone. I should develop the
desire to care for all living beings. The goal of my work is to take care of
others; I create a family to have a better opportunity to care for others;
the purpose of my having children is to raise kids who truly care about
others. My caring for others is a path of advancement. The tree of my
life grows up and reaches happiness, as it reaches for the sky and the
sun. But if I care only about myself, I kind of grow into myself, grow
inside myself, and this is nothing but a tumor, a cancer of the soul. I
don’t develop as a person, I don’t make positive progress – I eat myself
away.
Yes, a family implies a private happiness, but it is attainable only if
a family is created for the sake of cooperative service to society, for the
purpose of expanding consciousness and spiritual progress. A family
can be compared to fire. If a husband and wife are selfish, they quickly
burn all the firewood they have. The fire quickly dies down, leaving
only ashes. This is how a relationship eats away at itself.
It is therefore necessary to bring home the firewood from the
outside. Both a husband and wife should work for the good of others
and bring home the happiness they receive in the process of caring for
others. This external happiness will be the firewood to keep the home
fires burning. This is the secret of family life.
And last but not least, besides taking care of nature and people,
one should take care of one’s own soul. It means one should find a
good balance between four aspects of human life: physical, social,
intellectual and spiritual.
Physical Aspect
Looking after the physical aspect enables one to develop

consciousness without having to be distracted by pain. Who is capable
of listening carefully to the lecture if he/she has a toothache? No one
is! A sound mind is in a sound body. However, this doesn’t mean
that health itself is sufficient for the progress of consciousness — it is
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
only the condition under which development can go on quickly and

smoothly.
Concerning health, one should understand a few simple things.
The first idea is as follows: the majority of problems that can arise are
due to our nutrition. Therefore, if we adjust our eating habits, we can be
sure that we have done everything that depends on us and the rest is in
the hands of destiny which has her own plans for us, anyway. And these
plans don’t always coincide with ours. Therefore, the second aspect of
heath consists of humility, of one’s readiness to accept all the twists and
turns of fate, whatever they may be. This excludes the possibility of all
other health disorders the most common cause of which is nervous
breakdown.
Social Aspect
The social aspect is also indispensable for quick development. If

we are on bad terms with our home-folks; if our relatives are waiting
for us in hatred and a husband is constantly trying to give a slap in
the face, if we don’t know what sorts of nonsense our kids are doing
at home, or if someone wants to squeeze us out of our jobs at all
cost – this being so, it is also not possible to focus on listening to the
lecture. Consciousness will constantly get distracted with relationship
problems. Therefore, for our development to go smoothly, we should
always invest and put forth efforts into improving our relationships
with all surrounding people.
Society is a large stove that keeps our lives warm. That is, to keep
a small “family” stove going is not enough. We should invest in more
open systems our social activity depends on. By the way, a modern
man often spends more time in the society rather than the family. Job,
commuting and shopping take heaps of time. One comes home just
to eat and fall asleep while discussing where to get money on the next
purchase. Certainly, this is rather sad, but one can put up with the
whole situation provided that one’s social relationships are positive or
change for the better bit by bit, at least. In case social relations make a
good headway, they make one’s life joyful and pleasant.
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The principle of properly built relationships is the following: one

shouldn’t yearn to go home while at work and one shouldn’t yearn to
go to work while at home. One should feel equally well in all social
spheres of society.
The Story
There’s a story about one famous person named Panchanan.

When he was a little child, about four years old, he loved to run
around the village naked. So, he got the nickname “naked Pancho”.
Then he grew up and got into the secondary school, and he stood
first in his class. And people said, “Oh, this Panchanan! He is the
best student. He has been number one in the state examination!”
But enviers said, “How can he be number one? He was a naked kid,
running around our village. You are telling us this kid is number
one?” Then he went to the university and obtained a higher
education. He got his law degree, was admitted to the bar and
gained a foothold in legal practice as a first-class attorney at law.
Then some people said, “Look at this! Panchanan has become a top-
notch attorney! He’s the best man in his field.” And the envious said,
“Ah, how could he get such a degree? He must have cheated in his
exams. As a child, he would run around the village naked!” Finally,
Panchanan was nominated for the position of a Chief Justice. He
became a Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Then some people
said, “Look at Panchanan! He’s a man of importance. He has such
great success in life.” And the envious said, “Him? You’ve got to be
kidding! He was running around our village naked! How could he
become Chief Justice? Even if he is, it’s most likely that he doesn’t
get his monthly salary. He is not qualified enough!” In this manner,
envious people still remembered a four-year-old naked boy playing
in the mud.
The conclusion is: don’t memorize who was running around

naked as a child and where, and don’t run without pants in public
yourself…
Intellectual Aspect
The intellectual aspect of development of consciousness is

responsible for the deepening of our worldview. This allows us not to
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become cynical, not to give up on life, people and spiritual growth. If

we don’t rethink our understanding of the world on a regular basis,
nothing but depression can be expected. One needs to do some
rethinking not just once in a year or once in a decade, but thrice a
day. That is the best pattern to follow. Time for contemplation is called
sankhya, and this is special time for meditation. Even from the material
perspective, these timings (6 a .m., 12 noon, 6 p.m.) are recognized as
ineffective for physical activity.
The first meditation begins right after waking up. One should
energize oneself with lofty thoughts. In one’s daily activities, one
should be guided by a lofty concept, which he/she will put into practice
throughout the day. Life without meaning doesn’t fill the heart with joy.
Every minute, every step of the way, we should put some pieces
of wisdom into practice. This is our spiritual progress. It’s not enough
just to have information – we need to apply it to our real life. Therefore,
keep a book of wisdom near your bed and start each day with reading a
few pages, memorizing a few quotes, pondering some universal idea. It
will enable us to make the best use of our time before noon. A solid six
hours, from 6 a .m. to 12 p.m. can be spent to become wiser.
By noon the consciousness slackens as it gets tired, and one
forgets what he/she has read in the morning. Therefore, one should
have some rest at lunchtime and take some food, not only material but
spiritual, as well. Again, there’s a need to spend some time meditating
on wisdom. It will help us to restart consciousness and bring us back
on the path of self-realization. We’ll have an opportunity to pursue the
path of development for 6 more hours, while meditating on the words
of the sages, on the Absolute Truth. It’s necessary to keep oneself well
in hand, that is, to keep in mind the philosophical purpose of the day,
the understanding of which we have developed during morning focus.
And, as you can understand, by 6 p.m. the consciousness will
be out of control again, so we have to bring it back into the elevated
mood. Otherwise, not only will we forget the idea we’ve been trying
out during the whole day, but we’ll nullify everything we achieved by
slipping into a state of fatigue, rudeness, irritation and anger. Evening
should be spent in a well-disposed, peaceful state of mind. This will be
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possible if we remember about it before meeting our relatives. Evening

meditation is the most important one for it keeps the achievements of
a whole working day.
But this is not all — the most interesting events will take
place before going to bed. Night-time should also be used to boost
consciousness.
It requires two things to be done. Firstly, one should gain a
little more wisdom from the book lying under the pillow, again, and
secondly, one should write down all that was learnt during the day,
and thus, solidify an idea that has come through pondering over the
words of wisdom in the morning. This is a true purpose of a diary. A
real diary is a philosophical journal. It enables us to perform a little
miracle.
What kind of a miracle is that?
As a general rule, when we wake up in the morning, we can’t
remember anything and kind of start life over with a clean slate. As a
result, we lose the ability to make progress: life becomes divided into
days which have no connection with each other. Certain events do take
place, but we fail to connect the dots. But if, after waking up in the
morning I read something I came to realize yesterday, I can reconcile
yesterday with today and instead of starting over, start from the point
where I made a stop in my development. Separate days become linked
into one chain, owing to which I can take my life to the heights of
world perception. Yoga makes me well-rounded: my consciousness
once torn to pieces of separately taken days, unrelated to each other,
now becomes a united whole. This is nothing less than a miracle!
Spiritual Aspect
Finally, there remains a spiritual aspect to be considered. We

should understand that there’s no point in wasting our life, without
thinking about the true meaning of birth, life and death issue, about
our true calling, the soul and God. The higher the goal of life, the
higher the standards of behavior it requires. If you want to live your life
decently, set objectives that are worth pursuing. And if we speak about
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
spirituality, it sets the highest standards since it presents us with the

highest goals. At least for this reason spiritual principles of life ought
to be respected.
All the four above-mentioned aspects must be brought into
balance. If a problem, difficulty or conflict arises, it means the balance
has been tilted. We have forgotten about something and at the same
time have overworked ourselves in some other sphere. Disruption of
balance is called fanaticism, and nothing good comes of it. Therefore,
life is a constant search for a balance. We should carefully observe what
is going on in our lives and once we notice something bad, we should
harmonize our lives, so that we could continue developing pleasantly
and smoothly. Remember: keeping the balance is life, while losing the
balance is death. Having walked on a rope all life long, a rope-dancer
may lose balance just once, but it will be the last time for him to do it.
The Story
About a thousand years ago, a Muslim ruler came to India

with a huge army consisting of hundreds and thousands of people
from Persia. In the country that is now a region called Punjab there
lived a king with a very small army, but kshatriyas (warriors) that
constituted this army were so powerful and devoted to God that
they repelled the attack of the Muslim invader seventeen times.
Again and again they captured the Muslim ruler but set him free.
The Indian king was very compassionate, and each time he said,
“Well, I’m not going to kill you. You may go”.
The Muslim ruler made a treaty with another Indian king,
and together they achieved victory over the first Indian ruler.
That way, the Muslim ruler captured the Indian king. He said
to the king, “I’m not going to make the same mistake that you did.
I won’t let you go – I’ll cut off your head. But I heard that you are a
skilled shooter who can hit a dove with an arrow from 100-meter
distance blindfolded. Just by hearing the sound of dove’s wings, you
must shoot an arrow at him from the distance of 100 meters. If you
really prove you can do this, I’ll save your life.”
The captured Indian king didn’t believe him but he said, “Ok,
I must do what the winner asks.” Thereafter they went to the large
arena. Thousands of people gathered there. The Indian king was
standing on one side of the arena, his eyes covered with a blindfold,
and about a hundred meters away from him a cage with a dove was
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placed. The captured king said, “For me to kill this dove, you have
to let me know when the cage is opened. Then I can shoot at the
dove.” The Muslim ruler agreed, and when on the opposite side
of the arena the cage was opened and the bird flew out, the ruler
shouted, “The dove is out!” On hearing this voice, the blindfolded
Indian king turned and shot an arrow right into the Muslim king’s
heart. The Muslim ruler made only one mistake by giving himself
away with his voice, and the Indian king pierced his heart with an
arrow, just by hearing the sound of his voice.
What does it have to do with family dispute resolution? A lot,

because it is family life that shows a person the necessity of balance and
points out all his/her mistakes and failures. Hence, now we can begin
our study of the family compatibility issue.
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PRACTICAL TIPS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
COMPATIBILITY OR CHARACTER TRAITS
If we delve into relationship issues, first and foremost it must

be understood that chemistry doesn’t necessarily mean compatibility,
whereas, compatibility isn’t always indicative of the fact that the
relationship will grow into love. It is for this reason that a husband and
wife vow fidelity to each other during the wedding. If chemistry could
bespeak compatibility, or compatibility could give rise to infinite love,
there would have been no need for vows.
The necessity of making a vow shows that a lot in our relationships
depends on proper conduct on our part, on proper outlook on this
world, our patience and willingness to meet each other half-way. I
should say that compatibility ensures little more than 20% of family
life success; the remaining 80% is made up of partners’ willingness to
make concessions to each other and actively refine one’s own character
traits. Compatibility is when at least one of the partners is ready to
learn from the school of life and perceive the other partner not as a
servant or a slave, but the best teacher, sent by God. My partner just
spurs my development of favorable personality traits. This means,
when creating a family one should not so much think of compatibility
as the desire to develop positive traits that will help to live through
any problems, troubles and tests. To some extent, any talks about
compatibility constitute a subconscious attempt to justify one’s own
follies, unwillingness to work on one’s own character. It is much more
important to see the desire for development, desire for change, desire
for progress in a partner, than to seek similar traits in him/her.
We look at the interests of a partner and if they coincide with our
own, we think this is compatibility. But think how long a particular
interest can last. Indeed, it may change right this evening. For example,
I love cycling and suddenly meet a person indulged in cycling, and I
think, Here he/she is, my soul mate, let me start a family with him/her
before it’s too late… Where else can I find a person so keen on bikes? Yet
right this evening he/she forgets about bikes and starts to show interest
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in skating… Conduct a simple test: try to recall how often, after how
much time, at what age your interests changed — this will shed light on
many issues regarding human relationships.
Let’s provide an example of university studies. The main thing is to
define what is most important in educational process: is it information
itself or the art of getting information, one’s learning capability and
desire to learn? Most importantly, of course, one should learn the art
of learning. Any information loses its relevance over the years, but the
ability to learn is what will help a person throughout life. Actually, the
ability to learn is one of the most important human qualities. The one
who just possesses information is not an educated person –he/she is
simply filled with knowledge, crammed with knowledge. But the one
who is able to receive and analyze information is a real scientist and a
real intellectual.
Or let’s adduce another example, that with digestion. If one has
a good digestion, he/she can even digest a nail, if this should ever be
necessary. But if digestion goes wrong, to digest even the healthiest,
the lightest and the most delicious food will be the biggest problem. In
the same way, an intelligent person can derive benefit even from wrong
information, even from lies — from any negative source. An intelligent
person can digest any kind of information properly. Therefore, in the
East, people used to say that a sage can pick up gold even out of mud.
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COMPATIBILITY IS A WORD OF ART
Compatibility is a term of art used by astrologers, psychologists,

doctors and priests in professional communication among these
experts, aimed at facilitating family conflict resolution. Compatibility
involves innumerable aspects of life, so it’s impossible to gain insight
into the matter unless you practice it professionally. Compatibility
can’t be viewed as a separate issue, and is not to be discussed by lay
people. Not in all fields of science there has to be a recreational section.
Yes, recreational math is amusing, but recreational nuclear physics,
explosion technology, or recreational eye microsurgery – this already
goes beyond a joke.
But it so happens that everyone is eager to talk about compatibility
these days; everyone has heard something about it in the media. So
I’d like to clarify the matter a little bit, for us not to become overly
dependent on lay opinions concerning this issue.
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TIME FOR DELIBERATION
It is common knowledge that potential marital partners

should take time for sober deliberation before marriage. The length
of the reflection period depends on a specific situation, cultural
characteristics of a certain country or location, as well as the partners’
personal feelings on the subject. On the whole, the correct approach
consists of the ability to adhere to the golden mean. Family creation
process is like cooking process: if food is undercooked, it is still raw. If
it’s overcooked, it’s burnt. One needs an especially keen scent for that.
The first sign that the relationship has matured is the beginning
of disagreements. The first big argument, quarrel or a fight suggests
that “smoke begins to come out of the pot, not the steam”. Time has
come to make a decision, or it will be too late – the porridge will be
burnt, and no one will want to eat it. Recent research by psychologists
from the University of Texas has shown that the ideal time length for
courtship before marriage is one year and a half. Such an amount
of time is sufficient for a couple to get to know each other well and
make an important decision in their lives. The reality is that if the
dating/courtship period is too short, a couple is at risk of being parted
because of unjustified expectations and reciprocal reproaches. On the
other hand, overly extended decision-making may result in creating a
family with initially insecure relationships, imbued with suspicion and
mistrust.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
TIME TO GET MARRIED
But let’s get back to the beginning of confrontation. It’s

exceptionally important that we gain an understanding of compatibility
judging from conflict resolution methods used by the partners.
To put it simply, there are two ways to come out of an unpleasant
situation. One might have a somewhat humorous view of the situation.
For example, one might laugh at himself recalling how silly it was of
him to fall in a puddle in a suit he had put on for the first time in his
life. I had a friend who sincerely laughed at himself wondering how he
managed to get twenty fractures right on the day of his birthday. Such
an attitude even helped the broken bones heal faster. Another way of
perceiving conflicts is cynically critical, when we blame ourselves and
others for what has happened.
We shout, “Haven’t I told you?! I knew it would end up like this!”,
throw hands in the air or keep anger to ourselves until it destroys our
nervous system.
Statistically, couples who were predestined for long marital
life would laugh, joke around with each other and show signs of
attachment even while arguing over serious issues. Couples, whose
union was bound to fall apart in the near future, used sarcastic remarks,
aggressive gestures and quickly got irritated during the argument.
According to the expert opinion, those unions are knowingly doomed
that are characterized by antagonistic emotions of the spouses, when
the partners argue without being able to hear each other. It’s another
matter altogether, when the partners argue “in unison”, when both of
them feel happy, upset or even get angry about the same things. These
conclusions were also confirmed by contemporary researchers from
George Washington University in Seattle.
Briefly speaking, if a husband and wife show hatred towards the
same event, they are a perfect match. If both of them laugh about what
happened, this is altogether perfect. But if one of the partners laughs
at something which arouses anger or wrath in the other partner, it’s
better to think twice how the two of you are going to cope with tough
situations which are quite frequent in our hectic time.
23
A Funny Story
A husband once came home dead drunk. His wife told him
off: “You filthy scum! What state you are in!”
“I’m the master of the house! I present myself as I like!” was
the response.
She struck him over the head with a frying-pan. The husband
fell under the table and was left lying there.
A neighbor came over to borrow some salt. And she asked
with surprise, ”Why is your husband lying under the table?
“He’s the master of the house. He lies just where he likes.”
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
FIVE LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS
And now let’s familiarize ourselves with five levels of development

of consciousness. This will help us to understand ourselves and others
and thus, to gain an insight into the issue of compatibility the subtlest
aspect of which is based on people’s mindset and worldview. In the
Bhagavat-Gita, it is described that the consciousness goes through
several stages of development: sattva, dharma, atma, Paramatma and
Bhagavan. Let’s take a closer look at these stages one after another.
Sattva
This is when the consciousness of a person aspires to cleanliness.

Dirt of any kind is disturbing: one is able to see the difference between
clean and dirty and always tries to adhere to cleanliness. What
happens at this level of consciousness? Because of constant striving
for cleanliness and continuous contact with cleanliness, one can’t but
get purified, which makes it possible to progress to the next level of
development.
A modern man thinks that people lived primitively in the past.
Why, they didn’t even have electricity! But look at the literature given
by Vyasadeva – it’s nothing like a product of a backward mentality! Is
there any modern writing that can match with the “Bhagavat-gita” we
turn to in our lecture?! These are superbooks of wisdom; they don’t owe
their existence to the fact that one simply buys a computer, a satellite
dish or a toilet bowl that carries out urine tests automatically. Such
books are the evidence of really advanced intelligence.
Peaceful, sattvic atmosphere is the condition under which the
level of consciousness naturally rises.
Real progress means progress of consciousness. Sometimes it
happens that a not very educated person has a reasonably high level
of consciousness, whereas some other person, outwardly very well-
educated, demonstrates a rather low level of consciousness. Therefore,
it is the level of consciousness, not the amount of information laid into
memory that is of paramount importance.
25
Cleanliness has to do with family purity, in the first place. Purity

of intersexual relations is a true measure of society advancement. As
a matter of fact, progress of society must be judged by the loftiness
of family relationships. Progress is when our family relationships are
sublime. This criterion shows whether we really deserve to be called
humans of if we are none other than animals.
Institution of marriage is responsible for overall social stability.
It is a system in which a husband and a wife voluntarily renounce their
freedom, while obtaining an agreement of other society members and
calling God Himself to witness. All this creates conditions thanks to
which children can be brought up to become wise personalities able
to distinguish between good and evil, clean and dirty, lofty and base.
Unfortunately, the present state of affairs in the sphere of intersexual
relations suggests that it’s hardly enough to seek new ways to spend
money (which is a favorite occupation of a modern human) when
acknowledged character traits such as tolerance, fidelity, honesty,
responsibility and consistency become relegated to oblivion. True
progress should first of all manifest in the institution of marriage. If
there’s no such a correlation, it might well be that what we call progress
is not progress at all, but ordinary hooliganism…
Dharma
The level of dharma is awareness of one’s duties and

responsibilities, and not just awareness but a great desire to fulfill
them. Although one gets on this level from the platform of cleanliness,
in order to discharge one’s duties at the level of dharma properly, one
has to withdraw from the previous platform in some way. Indeed,
while performing our duties, we often have to deal with unpleasant
stuff, which doesn’t look like pure, but this is precisely what enables us
to make a conceptual breakthrough in our development.
For example, one has a duty to take care of babies or elderly
parents and must sometimes handle unclean stuff associated therewith.
But this is one’s sacred duty that purifies him/her. Therefore, the
platform of dharma is otherwise called the level of social miracle. The
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
miracle is that at the level of dharma, even actions based on coming in

contact with unclean things, become purifying. The nature of things
completely changes: what was impure becomes pure, and it’s possible
to get a feel for this result through personal experience.
Atma
After taking care of the bodies of near and dear ones, as one
moves to a new level, one begins to understand that care for the body
without care for the soul doesn’t make a lot of sense. Care for the body
gives temporary joy, while care for the soul brings eternal happiness.
Therefore, wishing all living entities the highest good, one begins to
learn to take care of one’s own soul and the souls of everybody around.
One begins to understand what makes up a living entity, that is, one
begins to see the difference between the body and the soul. One seeks
knowledge about the soul, inquires about the soul, talks about the
soul and tries to understand the soul. This is the way one embarks on
the path of spiritual growth. In fact, this lecture also stems from our
desire to talk about the sublime, and the soul is exactly such a topic.
Therefore, we base ourselves on such a scripture as the “Bhagavat-gita”,
where the whole chapter is dedicated to the science of the soul. In this
respect, the “Bhagavat-gita” is a perfect psychological treatise since the
primary purpose of psychology is exactly the study of the soul. It is
impossible to think up a concept of the soul. It is not some theoretical
concept originating from the minds of scientists. The soul is real, and
one should learn about it from books that can provide a comprehensive
insight into this phenomenon. It is the subtlest phenomenon in this
world. In fact, it’s not even from this world.
I won’t expatiate too much on the subject, but the bottom line
here is that a living being is complexly organized. It consists of the
body and the soul. The body is made of matter, while the soul is anti-
matter. In fact, material body is a suit for an extraterrestrial being,
which is a soul. A soul comes from a different world that is sometimes
called Vaikuntha or a place without anxiety. In order to survive here, in
a foreign environment of constant anxiety, it has to put on a suit meant
27
for handling that challenge. Therefore, we all crave tranquility and

peace, stability and eternity. Actually, in our bodies there live aliens
and the weirdest thing is that we are not these bodies – we are those
same aliens who find themselves in suits made of matter, and thus,
constant anxiety.
It’s even possible to come in contact with that alien, or one’s own
soul. There exists a codeword for establishing communication with
anti-matter. In yoga, it is called pranava. We know it as a syllable Om.
And “Bhagavat-gita” is a guide to establishing contact with the soul,
with the world of eternity, knowledge and bliss.
Paramatma
As a result of spiritual quest, one begins to realize that he/she

must take care not only of one’s own soul and the souls of near and dear
ones, but of all the living beings in this world. One begins to realize
the kinship of all living beings and understand that there is a soul in
everyone’s heart, and thus, we are all brothers and sisters. Notably, one
should take especially good care of younger brothers and sisters. No
way should they be slaughtered left and right to satisfy the whims of
the belly. There’s nothing more horrible than juniors being killed by
seniors. The duty of the seniors is to protect the juniors, support them
and be affectionate towards them, after all. This understanding leads
one to the philosophy of ahimsa, or unwillingness to harm any living
being.
We should be practical, indeed, but our practicality shouldn’t
be merciless. Intelligence finds its expression in looking for amicable
solutions to problems. If we don’t seek that, what can be expected from
the world in which it’s common to solve even such a simple problem as
the desire to satisfy hunger, by means of merciless killing?
The whole world lives in self-delusion, turning a blind eye to
covert abuse. Yes, it’s easy to eat something when you don’t know
how it’s made. But will a sane man eat his own dog he has shared an
apartment with for fifteen years? Will he make fish broth from fish he
has caught in his own tank? In fact, we nourish ourselves with our eyes
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
closed tight. We don’t know whom we eat, and most crucially, we never
give a second thought to why we do that. Isn’t it possible to find a more
amicable solution to belly issues? By the way, it is our own soul, not the
belly that will be held liable for this kind of behavior. And it’s just plain
silly to become answerable for someone else’s desires, indeed.
Bhagavan
After developing a proper attitude towards living beings, one

begins to realize the necessity to establish a relationship with the
Supreme Personality of Godhead, the father of all living beings. Just to
be a good person is not enough – one needs to build a good relationship
with God. Only then can human life be considered perfect and full. A
good person is the one who has a good relationship with God. How can
we make that happen? It’s possible to establish a relationship with God
through His representatives: sages, saints and spiritual masters. This
simple, bona fide method is a truly civilized way to approach the purest
personality, the source of all purity. To apprehend God, one should first
of all accept the fact that He has inconceivable energies.
If we accept it, we may begin to comprehend Him.
Vaishnava philosophy is quite simple: God is great, and everyone
else is His servant. No one is equal to, or greater than the Lord. We are
simultaneously one with and different from Him. We are equal with
Him in quality but different from Him in quantity. This is the whole
philosophy of four Vaishnava sampradayas.
The Parable
When I was young, I saw the deficiencies in world arrangement.

I was eager to change the world and make it a better place. So I
prayed, “My Lord, please help me change this world for the better.”
After many years, I understood that it was beyond my powers to
change the world, and I began to pray, “My Lord, please help me
change at least my family, my wife and children, for the better.” And
recently, as I grew too old and noticed the signs of approaching death,
I turned to God in prayer, “My Lord, I failed to change the world, and
I failed to change my family. Please, let me change at least myself for
29
the better. ” Just then I heard the Lord’s response: “It’s too late now.
You won’t have time to.”
We’ll be able to develop right relationships if we understand

these development stages and see what stage this or that person finds
himself/herself in. There are three basic categories of relationships:
those with seniors, equals and juniors. Relations will develop properly
if we care for juniors instead of being oppressive to them, if we treat
equals as friends instead of competing with them and if we respect
seniors instead of being envious of them. But this is already a subject
of another lecture.
30
by Vyacheslav Ruzov
ADVICE ON COMPATIBILITY ISSUES
If You Want Happiness, Some Words Are Better Left Unuttered
As we all know, all too often, when starting a family, we pay no

heed to compatibility issues and fail to realize how uneasy it is to spend
the whole life together. A family are not just people we interact with
— we are simply obliged to discuss all topics broached by any of the
family members. No one can say, “I’m not interested in that. I’m not
obliged to talk to you about it.” If one ignores a family discussion, one
immediately disqualifies himself/herself as a family member, which is
actually nothing but a social crime.
In fact, we need a family to have someone to talk to and reveal
thoughts that can’t be told to a stranger. In our hearts, there are many
desires that demand completion and not all of them can be disclosed
to every Tom, Dick and Harry. There are some issues that can be
discussed only with close ones — family members who represent parts
of one interconnected whole. In fact, a family discussion is a kind of
self-talk with different parts of one’s own self. It already goes on in our
minds when we crave to do something and talk ourselves out of it at
the same time. But when our desires become too overpowering, we
can no longer dissuade ourselves from their fulfillment and need to
bring these issues before a more extended system, which is a family
consisting of all kinds of critics and judges.
Yes, the first thing we should accept is that we bring our thoughts
to judgment of those close to us. Don’t be surprised if instead of great
joy and support you’ll receive a feedback in the form of laughter and
disapproval. Judgment is judgment, but within a family, it should be
carried out in a compassionate, kind and understanding manner.
Family members expect this when they turn to each other for advice.
Our thoughts require a judgment, but it should be merciful judgment.
There’s definitely no need to pass the judgment of death penalty on
your near and dear ones. But look how often we sentence our family
members and dear ones to psychological execution: “Stop this
nonsense! There you go! Don’t talk bosh! Shut up!”
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“Bang!” — and heart-searching done under family supervision

becomes terminated by several shots right in the heart…
The Parable
There was once an old man and a boy traveling down the
road. The old man was riding a donkey while the boy was walking
alongside holding on to the animal’s halter. During their journey,
they passed through the village, where some people began to shout
in a shrill voice, “Look at this old man! What a senseless brute he
is! He’s exploiting a poor boy!”
Feeling embarrassed by this situation, the old man suggested,
“It’s better that we swap places, otherwise, in the next village, we’ll
get criticized again.” And so, they swapped over: the boy was now
riding the donkey, while the old man was walking. In this way, they
continued on their journey. But as they came into a new village,
they began hearing people criticizing them again. The people said,
“Look at this selfish boy who doesn’t respect his old grandfather!
Poor old man! He should be the one riding the donkey, not the boy.
What has this world come to?”
The boy got off the donkey and they both started walking.
And yet, people from the next village began to shout, “Look at these
pea-brain old man and boy not taking advantage of the availability
of the donkey! They have a donkey, but they prefer walking!”
Then the old man concluded, “In fact, it doesn’t matter at all
what you’re doing – people will always be critical.”
32
by Vyacheslav Ruzov
COMMUNICATION MEANS HOLDING DISCUSSIONS
Therefore, remember: communication is a skill of holding

discussions. Actually, the key indicator of compatibility is the eagerness
to listen to a partner. If you can listen for at least fifteen minutes, this
already suggests good compatibility. Sometimes we find it impossible to
hear out even a single phrase. This is also a sign of relationships taking
a turn for the worse, because interrupting a person is tantamount to a
slap in the face. The word “interruption” itself has a rather aggressive
connotation.
Sometimes we notice our unwillingness to listen to a partner
only after a family has been created. What can be done in this case? In
order to maintain a good rapport with a spouse, it’s not necessary to
hold long conversations. But it’s necessary that we speak with kindness
and warmth. One muhurta – forty-five minutes a day – is quite enough
for the spouses to exchange opinions. The American psychologist Alan
Berdzhestl arrived at a similar conclusion. He recommended talking
a lot only during the acquaintance period or during the honeymoon,
but not in the further periods of married life, in order not to stir up a
conflict.
Keep in mind the main compatibility rule: if it’s impossible
to speak a lot about something, speak little, but with very much
kindness and warmth. Kindness of speech can compensate for a lack
of communication. The problem is that instead of communicating
warmth, we often talk faster, thereby adding to the relationship tension.
Therefore, it would be more accurate to say: instead of speaking longer
and faster, speak more kindly and warmly. It will help to get through
even to someone you have a fundamental incompatibility with.
If we are unable to communicate within the family circle, the
most dangerous of our thoughts, the most suspicious of our plans don’t
receive an assessment from our close ones, which is highly dangerous
because ideas developed in solitude are very strong and dangerous for
all.
It has been well-said “beware of a silent dog and still water”.
Therefore, the task standing before family members is to give due
33
consideration to all “dumb dogs” that come out of the depth of our
subconscious, as we reveal our minds. Or else, they will simply devour
their master because thoughts are active; they must fructify either
externally of internally. So when we hear somebody out, we protect
this person from inner dangers.
Don’t keep your problems to yourself and give others a chance to
be relieved of their problems.
The Parable
Once there was a hunter chasing a fox and he caught it and

was just about to kill it when he saw the king approaching. Since
fox hunting was illegal, he put the fox inside his coat and kept it
there. The king greeted him and began to talk to him, asking him
how he was. «How are you today?» «Oh, I am very good, your
majesty.» The king discussed the weather and different topics with
the hunter, who remained completely cool the whole time. He
never even slightly acted like anything was amiss. And then the
king left. As soon as the king was out of sight, the hunter fell into
two pieces on the ground, as the fox had eaten him in half.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
A WIFE HAS A RIGHT TO HER OWN OPINION
Most importantly, if we don’t see eye to eye on some issues, we

shouldn’t ever allow a slightest thought of divorce to enter into our
minds. A wife is free to disagree with a husband – it is her birthright
to hold her own opinion. But a sensible woman never gives it to him
straight from the heart. She behaves in such a manner so as to not
offend her husband who being a man wants to feel superior in family
relations. A woman may win in a family dispute and gain her point, but
then she must take a humble position and get her husband to think as
if he were a winner.
A woman should remember that she must persist in her statement
if it’s practical and logical, but this should be done in such a way that
is not offensive or frustrating for a husband who always wants to have
the last word on every issue. Give him such an opportunity – it will
make both of you happy. Difference in opinions is commonplace for
family relationships. Yes, we sometimes have our differences and we
don’t coincide on every issue, but we should never ever let ourselves
consider divorce an option. Disagreement isn’t an excuse for severing
relationships. On the contrary, disagreement provides an impetus for
deepening our relationships further, to understand each other better.
This signifies a difference between a wise and a silly person. A
wise person becomes inspired to deepen relationships when he meets
with contradictions and difficulties. This is a contrast to a silly person
who sees a push for severing relationships in those challenges. Impious
consciousness always tries to excuse oneself from duties given by fate.
Such a person constantly grumbles that no one understands him/her.
But that’s the way the world wags: we are obliged to listen to each other,
but it’s not necessary that we understand each other because the ability
to understand another person is a state of consciousness that depends
on many factors the main of which are love and respect. If we love
and respect someone, we’ll understand everything he/she says even if
a person speaks a different language. We’ll grasp the essence of what’s
being said. Thus, a husband comes home and relates something to his
35
wife, and she says, “I know, you’re tired, have something to eat and go
to bed, and all will be well.”
Remember: every person has their own way of looking at things
which depends on their state of consciousness. For a woman to see
the world through the eyes of a man, she must become a man, which
the latter will hardly find pleasing. This is what a husband fails to
understand when he constantly fights with his wife.
The Parable
One day a dance performance was organized, where three

persons – a king, a sage and a saint were among the spectators.
At the end of the performance, an event organizer approached the
king.
“How do you find it, your majesty?”
“This is a brilliant performance, and it brings great pleasure.”
said the king. Pretty dancing girls are moving so graciously! This is
a wonderful, breathtaking show!”
Then the organizer came up to the sage and asked, “What do
you think about it?”
“Oh, this is an exceptionally interesting performance. The
matter which is God’s energy becomes submitted to the soul when
it makes such complex movements. Other souls watch this dance
and get excited to see someone succeed in bringing energies under
control at least for ten minutes over which the dance routine lasts.
But then the dancers take a long time to relax because they can’t
control energies incessantly.”
Finally, the organizer approached a saint.
“What do you see here?” he asked.
“Actually, I see only the bones and muscles on stage, and
the inward parts of the body, how they are moved by life air in a
certain way. I see the poor soul who thinks dancing will make her
happy. And I see other poor souls who think watching this dance
will make them happy. But all these souls are unfortunate because
they are mistaken...”
36
by Vyacheslav Ruzov
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF ONE’S FAULT
Sometimes disagreeable situations happen in our life when

we make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes are grievous and
disappointing. But each time we witness such situations, we should
behave in a way that doesn’t make matters worse. Quite often, when
foolishness becomes obvious, a person understands it was not at all the
thing to do and feels bitter about it, shows repentance for it. If we see
this has happened, there’s no need to reprimand a person. It would be
more merciful to say nothing in this case.
Remember: even a soldier mustn’t smash an enemy who has
abandoned himself to the conqueror’s mercy. Only this much is clear:
a soldier tries to save his own life, and therefore, starts firing all over
the place. But how to understand a person who wants to finish off his
own relative who has already realized his grievous mistake? How can
a mother kick her weeping child who has had a bad fall? Can a doctor
slap a patient who caught flu because of not getting a flu shot? How
can we wish to hurt someone who is already suffering from pain? I
think it’s a grievous mental disorder. There’s no better support for a
person than sympathy towards him/her. There’s an interesting story to
the topic.
The Parable
A well-respected man was married to a woman much

younger than himself. One evening when he had returned home
earlier than usual, a faithful servant came to him and said:
«Your wife, our mistress, is acting suspiciously. She is in her
apartment with a huge chest, large enough to hold a man, which
belonged to your grandmother. It should contain only a few ancient
embroideries. I believe that there may now be much more in it. She
won’t allow me, your oldest retainer, to look inside.»
The husband went to his wife’s room, and found her sitting
disconsolately beside the massive wooden box. “Will you show me
what’s in the chest?» he asked.
«Is it because of the suspicion of a servant, or because you
don’t trust me?»
37
“Wouldn’t it be easier to just open it, without thinking about

the undertones?»
«I find it impossible to do it in the presence of a servant.
Dismiss a servant, at the very least.»
The servant was dismissed. The woman sat with her head
down, far gone in grief.
The husband thought for a while. Then he called the gardeners
from his estate. Together they carried the chest unopened to a
distant part of the garden and buried it there.
The matter was never referred to again.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
SMALL AGE DIFFERENCE
According to scientists, the secret to lasting marriage is also in

the following. Martin Fieder and Susanna Huber, research associates
of the University of Vienna examined family relationships of 12 000
couples and came to the conclusion that the strongest marriages were
those in which the husband was 4-6 years older than the wife. This is
coherent with Bengali astrology which recommends that a husband
be a little older than wife. Such a small age difference creates favorable
conditions for mutual understanding. Although it is true that in
astrology, there are known karmic situations when the wife may be
older than her husband. Sometimes this can even be a significant
age difference. Indeed, these situations are not widespread but they
shouldn’t be ignored or given superficial consideration.
The whole point is that a senior naturally wants to protect
juniors, take care of them, love them and teach them. It is natural for a
man to take that kind of stance. And a woman must be happy. This will
be possible if she accepts a savour of patronage in these relationships.
But if a husband turns out to be younger in age, it comes natural to
him to fight for supremacy, assert himself in a leadership role at every
opportunity. Certainly, it has a negative impact on relationships.
Thus, even if she is older in age, it’s better for a woman to pretend to
be psychologically younger. It will do her more good than a lifelong
rivalry with a husband.
Moreover, an age gap between husband and wife that is too
large (more than 7–10 years) creates a cultural gap that is sometimes
impossible to overcome even during the whole life together. Let
us suppose they were raised in different historical environments.
Values can easily change even over a decade, which means spouses
will hold different views and opinions about situations. What is
important for one of them will hardly be of any value for the other.
This is quite dangerous for family relationships because it’s hard to
live in an atmosphere in which your values are deemed a nuisance.
Intergenerational discrepancies are more or less easily resolved between
parents and children, but not between spouses who communicate
39
much more actively and closely. It’s necessary that the spouses have
similar values, share the same cultural impressions. It will enable them
to feel psychological unity in their outlooks on life.
40
by Vyacheslav Ruzov
CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF ONE’S DUTIES
Relate, UK, the largest relationship and marriage counseling

agency in Europe, has found the following: the most happy, close-knit
families have a clear division of responsibilities and roles between the
husband and wife. It means that couples take a responsible approach
toward their family duties. In any relationships, it’s necessary to be
explicit about our expectations. We should discuss how we see our
future together, what behavior we expect from a partner, what roles
will be fulfilled by each of us, how we are going to handle various
situations. Failing to discuss all these subtleties, we doom ourselves to
constant conflicts, quarrels and fights. To enter into relations without
discussing how we’ll tackle real practical every-day tasks is the same as
to pack things for vacation, arrive at the railway station and only then
start wondering where to go.
In fact, talking about responsibilities is the first indication that
a friendly relationship is ready to evolve into marriage. Even in a
friendship, it’s necessary to talk through expectations — all the more so,
there’s no way round it in a family. If a partner doesn’t want to discuss
expectations, it means he/she is not ready to take on responsibility,
hence, it is still too early to develop closer relationships. It’s a good test
for maturity of relationships and readiness for marriage. Responsible
behavior is the willingness to discuss responsibilities. An irresponsible
person is unreliable and thus, unfaithful, and it would be folly to create
long-term relationships in a form of family and children with an
unfaithful person.
There are a few subtle points to be taken into account when
considering distribution of family duties. Firstly, our duties should
arise out of our abilities. If a wife earns a lot more than her husband,
it is her duty to be a breadwinner all the while that her husband earns
not as much. Another fine point is that distribution of chores will bring
peace into a family only if each one is ready to help all others with their
chores, as soon as he/she finishes his/her own. A person thus disposed
is not just a significant other, but a real gift from God. Do you want
to become such? Then try to complete your part of chores as soon as
41
possible, to start helping others with their chores. But remember not
to make the cup run over because many people don’t like to be helped.
Appreciate a person’s desire to do their tasks not quicker but in a way
they want them to be done. Good help sometimes means absence of
help; nevertheless, the desire to come to help should always be present
in our hearts. Otherwise, it will be like in the following parable.
The Parable
A wife once bitterly complained to her husband, “It can’t go

on this way. My duties are as heavy as mountains, and I can no
longer get things moving. I have to waken you up in the morning,
look after children and do the housework, beat carpets, make
arrangements, go to the farmer’s market and cook your favorite
dinner by the evening.” But the husband answered, saying, “So
what of it? All wives do it. You have nothing to complain about. I’m
working all day, while you are sitting round at home.” “Ugh,” the
wife continued complaining, “if only you could help me out at least
sometimes.” The man’s large-heartedness impelled him to consent
to the following suggestion: the wife would be responsible for
everything inside the house, and he would assume responsibility
for everything outside. Having allocated their household duties in
this way, the spouses lived in peace and quiet.
The husband was hanging out with friends one day after
he made a good bargain, when his neighbor came running up to
them, screaming, “Run as fast as ever you can! Your house is on
fire!” The husband remained as cool as a cucumber. “And how does
it burn – from the inside out or from the outside in?” “From the
inside.” “Ah, it’s no concern of mine then. I’m in charge of only
what’s happening outside the house.”
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
“WHAT THE OLD MAN DOES IS ALWAYS RIGHT” FAIRY-

TALE
Once upon a time there lived an old couple, a peasant and his
wife, at the very old farmhouse. Small as their possessions were, they
still had one article that could well be dispensed with, and that was a
horse, which had practically no work to do and contrived to live upon
the grass which it found by the side of the high road. The old peasant
rode into the town upon this horse, and his neighbors sometimes
borrowed it from him, and paid for it by rendering some service to the
old couple. Still, the peasant and his wife thought it would be better
to sell the horse, or exchange it for something which might be more
useful to them. But what could that be?
“You have much more understanding of a question, old man,”
said the wife. “It is fair-day to-day, so ride into town, and get rid of the
horse for money, or make a good exchange; whichever you do will be
right to me, so ride to the fair.”
And she fastened his neckerchief for him for she could do it
better than he could, and she could also tie it very prettily in a double
bow. She also smoothed his hat round with the palm of her hand and
gave him a kiss. Then he rode away on the horse that was to be sold or
bartered for something else. Yes, the old man knew what the buy and
sell was about.
The sun was hot, and not a cloud was to be seen in the sky. The
road was very dusty, for a number of people, all going to the fair, were
driving, riding, or walking upon it. There was no shelter anywhere from
hot sunshine. Among the rest a man came trudging along, driving a
cow to the fair. The cow was as beautiful a creature as any cow could be.
“She gives good milk, I am certain,” said the peasant to himself.
“That would be a very good exchange: the cow for the horse.”
“Hey there, you with the cow!” he said. “I tell you what: I dare say
a horse is of more value than a cow; but I don’t care for that,—a cow
will be more useful to me; so, if you like, we’ll exchange.”
“To be sure I will,” said the man.
43
Accordingly, the exchange was made, and as the matter was

settled, the peasant might have turned back, for he had done the
business he came to do. But, having made up his mind to go to the fair,
he was determined to do so, just to have a look at it; so on he went to
the town with his cow. Leading the animal, he strode on sturdily, and,
after a short time, overtook a man who was driving a sheep. It was a
good fat sheep, with a fine fleece on its back.
“I’d like to have that guy,” said the peasant to himself. “There is
plenty of grass for him by our palings, and in winter we could keep
him in the room with us. Perhaps it would be more profitable to have a
sheep than a cow. Shall I exchange?”
The man with the sheep was quite ready, and the bargain was
quickly made. And then the peasant continued his way on the high-
road with his sheep. Soon after this, he overtook another man, who
had come into the road from a field, and was carrying a large goose
under his arm.
“What a heavy creature you have there!” said the peasant; “it has
plenty of feathers and plenty of fat, and would look well tied to a string,
or paddling in the water at our place. That would be very useful to my
old woman; she could make all sorts of profits out of it. How often she
has said, ‘If now we only had a goose!’ Now here is an opportunity, and,
if possible, I will get it for her. Shall we exchange? I will give you my
sheep for your goose, and thanks into the bargain.”
The other had not the least objection, and accordingly the
exchange was made, and our peasant became possessor of the goose.
By this time he had arrived very close to the town. The crowd on the
high road had been gradually increasing, and there was quite a rush
of men and cattle. The cattle walked on the path and by the palings,
and even walked into the toll-keeper’s potato-field, where one fowl
was strutting about with a string tied to its leg, for fear it should take
fright at the crowd, and run away and get lost. The tail-feathers of the
fowl were very short, and it winked with both its eyes, and looked very
cunning, as it said, “Cluck, cluck.” There is no telling what were the
thoughts of the fowl as it said this; but directly our good man saw it,
and he thought, “Why, that’s the finest fowl I ever saw in my life; it’s
44
by Vyacheslav Ruzov
finer than our parson’s brood hen, upon my word. I’d like to have that
fowl. Fowls can always pick up a few grains that lie about, and almost
keep themselves. I think it would be a good exchange if I could get it
for my goose. Shall we exchange?” he asked the toll-keeper.
“Exchange,” repeated the man; “well, it would not be a bad thing.”
And so they made an exchange,—the toll-keeper got the goose,
and the peasant carried off the fowl. Now he had really done a great
deal of business on his way to the fair, and he was hot and tired. He
wanted something to eat, and a glass of ale to refresh himself; so he
turned his steps to an inn. He was just about to enter when the ostler
came out, and they met at the door. The ostler was carrying a sack.
“What do you have in that sack?” asked the peasant.
“Rotten apples,” answered the ostler; “a whole sackful of them.
They will do to feed the pigs with.”
“Why, that will be terrible waste,” the old man replied; “I’d like
to take them home to my old woman. Last year the old apple-tree by
the grass-plot only bore one apple, and we kept it in the cupboard till
it was quite withered and rotten. “It is still a property,” my old woman
said; and here she would see a great deal of property—a whole sackful;
I should like to show them to her.”
“What will you give me for the sackful?” asked the ostler.
“What will I give? Well, I will give you my fowl in exchange.”
So he gave up the fowl, and received the apples, which he carried
into the inn parlor. He leaned the sack carefully against the stove, and
then went to the table. But the stove was hot, and he had not thought of
that. Many guests were present—horse dealers, cattle drovers, and two
wealthy men among them who were so rich that their pockets quite
bulged out and seemed ready to burst. Suddenly everyone heard some
noise: “Hiss-s-s, hiss-s-s.” What could that be by the stove? The apples
were beginning to roast.
“What is that?” asked one of the guests.
“Why, do you know”—said our peasant. And then he told them
the whole story of the horse, which he had exchanged for a cow, and all
the rest of it, down to the apples.
45
“Well, your old woman will give you hell when you get home,”
said one of the money-bags. “Won’t there be a noise?”
“What! Give me what?” said the peasant. “Why, she will kiss me,
and say, ‘what the old man does is always right.’”
“Let us lay a wager on it,” said the rich man. “We’ll wager you a
ton of coined gold, a hundred pounds to the hundred-weight.”
“No; a bushel will be enough,” replied the peasant. “I can only set
a bushel of apples against it, and I’ll throw myself and my old woman
into the bargain; that will pile up the measure, I fancy.”
“Done! Taken!” and so, the bet was made.
Then the landlord’s coach came to the door, and the two wealthy
men and the peasant got in, and away they drove, and soon arrived and
stopped at the peasant’s hut.
“Good evening, old woman.”
“Good evening, old man.”
“I’ve made the exchange.”
“Ah, well, you have a knack for it,” said the woman. Then she
embraced him, and paid no attention to the strangers, nor did she
notice the sack.
“I got a cow in exchange for the horse.”
“Thank Heaven,” said she. “Now we shall have plenty of milk,
and butter, and cheese on the table. That was a capital exchange.”
“Yes, but I changed the cow for a sheep.”
“Ah, better still!” cried the wife. “You always think of everything;
we have just enough pasture for a sheep. Ewe’s milk and cheese, woolen
jackets and stockings! The cow could not give all these, and her hair
only falls off. How you think of everything!”
“But I changed away the sheep for a goose.”
“Then we shall have roast goose to eat this year. You dear old man,
you are always thinking of something to please me. This is delightful.
We can let the goose walk about with a string tied to his leg, so he will
be fatter by the holiday.”
“But I gave away the goose for a fowl.”
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
“A fowl! Well, that was a good exchange,” replied the woman.

“The fowl will lay eggs and hatch them, and we shall have chickens; we
shall soon have a poultry-yard. Oh, this is just what I was wishing for.”
“Yes, but I exchanged the fowl for a sack of shrivelled apples.”
“What! I really must give you a kiss for that!” exclaimed the wife.
“My dear, good husband, now I’ll tell you something. Do you know,
almost as soon as you left me this morning, I began to think of what I
could give you for supper this evening, and then I thought of fried eggs
with sweet herbs; I had eggs, but I wanted the herbs; so I went over to the
schoolmaster’s: I knew they had plenty of herbs, but the schoolmistress
is very mean, although she can smile so sweetly. I begged her to lend
me a handful of herbs. ‘Lend!’ she exclaimed, ‘I have nothing to lend;
nothing at all grows in our garden, not even a shrivelled apple; I could
not even lend you a shrivelled apple, my dear woman.’ But now I can
lend her ten, or a whole sackful, which I’m very glad of; it makes me
laugh to think about it;” and then she gave him a hearty kiss.
“Well, I like all this,” said both the wealthy men; “always going
down the hill, and yet always merry; it’s worth the money to see it.” So
they paid a hundred-weight of gold to the peasant, who, whatever he
did, was not scolded but kissed.
Yes, it always pays when a wife sees and maintains that her
husband is the most intelligent one, and whatever he does is right.
47
ASTROLOGY OF COMPATIBILITY
According to the Vedic system, the parents would consider the

horoscopes of the boy and girl who were to be married. If according
to astrological calculations the boy and girl were compatible in every
respect, the match was called yotaka and the marriage would be
accepted.
As recently as fifty years ago, people in the east followed these
rules. Regardless of the affluence of the boy or the personal beauty of
the girl, without this astrological compatibility the marriage would
not take place. The situation is different now because in the past few
decades social perceptions have changed regarding what personality
traits are the most important. And the vision of how to assess the
marriage compatibility between a man and a woman has changed,
accordingly.
In former times, compatibility was judged based on sense of
purpose which determined the direction of people’s life goals. If a man
and a woman have similar life goals, they are compatible because both
of them exert their best efforts in one direction. It reminds of a boat with
two rowers who steer it in one direction. Such a boat quickly reaches
its destination. But if the goals of life are conceptually different, if the
rowers pull a boat in opposite directions, it will go around in circles and
won’t get anywhere, despite a great deal of effort that may be applied.
This kind of marriage was not advisable. It should be reminded that
all these calculations were based on the main character trait – sense of
purpose or determination one didn’t slacken in throughout life.
It makes it possible to understand the present-day problem.
Astrologers are at a loss because a modern person simply lacks the main
quality judging by which it was possible to understand his/her mode of
thinking, the direction of his/her thoughts. One’s sense of purpose lasts
only a few hours, and not only that — it takes the form of a mild mental
derangement. First, it is frenetic, and one puts forth tremendous effort,
as he/she bustles around like a frantic cockroach, with burning eyes,
aiming at ambitious goals. Later, after beating head against a wall and
getting nothing except pain in the neck, one gives up hope and falls
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
into steady depression, whereby one’s determination becomes zero.

When depression comes to an end, one draws a conclusion that the
previous plans were not his/her true calling — they take time to come
to fruition, and he/she enthusiastically sets another goal and throws
oneself into the manic episode again, so the pattern accurately repeats
itself. This is how human life goes by, resembling life of a fly beating
against the window-glass. It sees the outside through the window, is
excited about it and bangs against the glass at full speed, then comes to
senses and gets right back to beating its head against the window.
And so, a personal sense of purpose in life made it possible to
understand the direction of one’s thoughts, which in turn enabled
partner-matching and making inferences. Today, one lacks a sense of
purpose, and it renders match-making senseless. A person of purpose
is a cultural person, a guardian of a tradition, a successor to a dynasty.
A person without a purpose is a changeable sort of person. He/she
changes his/her mentality and principles every time he/she changes
his/her goals.
People who have a sense of purpose in life can be matched — they
can be compatible or incompatible. People without a sense of purpose
are basically incompatible and thus, should be ready in advance that
they will face contradictions in their marital life each time one of the
partners changes his/her life goals. Such changes can occur quite often,
every seven years at best, which gives rise to a seven-year family crisis
pattern.
In fact, every seven years we become different people as we shift
our goals, habits and priorities. It’s a kind of reincarnation within
this very lifetime, and each time it requires that we start over in our
relationships. For this reason, several countries try to introduce a new
law, according to which couples will enter into marriage for 7 years.
This is indicative of the fact that modern psychology has disqualified
itself as a science that can solve human problems.
So what’s to be done? Should we stop making families and start
shacking up? Of course, not – families should be created according
to all rules. But the main thing you should focus on when building
family relationships is not the partner’s behavior at a given moment but
49
whether he/she is ready for the fact that you may change as a person,
at any time, and whether you yourself are ready to see your partner
change beyond recognition, at any point of time, as well. It is common
for the first changes to occur immediately after the honeymoon, and
it makes both partners shocked. This is a secret of marriage: we are to
spend the whole life together with a person whose goals may vary even
throughout the day.
If at least one of the partners is prepared for that, a couple is
compatible. If both of the partners are prepared for each other’s
changes, they are perfectly compatible…
Asuras and Devatas
Owing to such readiness, even fundamentally incompatible

types of consciousness, like those of asura and devata, can make a
match that works reasonably well. To be more precise, there are two
types of consciousness: asura and devata, and human consciousness
may find itself in one of these two states. Asuras are those who learn to
harm others. They practice deceit, accumulate experience in criticizing
others, creating hostility and even making wars.
In contrast to this, devatas aim at doing good to others. They
learn to take care of other living beings, exercise patience with them,
understand and help them.
I hope you’ll be interested in developing a devata type of
consciousness. But anyway, we have to mix with all kinds of people
in this world. And if you are prepared for any twists and turns of fate,
for quirks of any kind, you’ll find it possible to maintain relationships
even if you are a devata and your partner is an asura. It doesn’t pay to
enter into such relations on purpose because they will be fraught with
many contradictions, but to keep an already existing relationship on
track is quite a feasible task. In spiritual traditions, the consciousness
of a person capable of reconciling contraries in this way is called
paramahamsa stage, while humility is a personal trait that gives rise
to it.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
HAPPINESS COMES THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS
As you might have guessed, we have to gain insight into specific

features of feminine and masculine mentality of the present day.
First let me say a few words about happiness as such. Both happiness
and unhappiness in this world come from relationships. There are
many kinds of relationships, but now we’ll be especially interested in
peculiarities of feminine and masculine mentality, which are always
necessary to take into account. Mentality is like clothing. Women’s
clothes even in our time are much different from men’s clothes.
Mentality also dresses the soul in its clothes that correspond to its
mindset, level of consciousness and gender, after all.
If we don’t consider the differences between us, this is called
slackness, and it leads to a great deal of trouble. In relationships, there
can never be full tranquility. They are like an ocean, or maritime climate
– now fine, now showery. In the morning, the sun may shine, by the
evening a storm comes up. If one lets oneself slack off in relationships,
it resembles relaxation one may feel in his/her own home. A person is
confident that nothing bad will happen to him/her in close proximity
to his/her own home. However, it becomes the common cause of
accidents. According to the statistics, the majority of accidents take
place exactly close to home, within a 2 km radius of it.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEMININE AND MASCULINE

WAYS OF THINKING
The main difference between feminine and masculine ways

of thinking in terms of compatibility is that masculine mentality is
mostly aimed at achieving concrete, well-defined goals, while feminine
mentality is mostly oriented toward their expansion. Therefore, after he
has achieved a desired goal, a man calms down straight away, relaxes
and lies down to rest on the sofa. But a woman never sets her mind at
rest.
She never considers a goal to be achieved. Every achievement
is just a new stage in expanding the breadth of perspectives for her.
Every goal attained opens up perspectives of other goals. Therefore,
masculine energy is said to be that of assertion, while feminine energy
— that of expansion.
This can be seen from the way they make purchases. Let’s take
a really simple example. After buying a pair of shoes, a man puts his
mind at ease, throws them off in the corridor and goes to eat dinner
peacefully.
A woman sees no room for complacency. Having bought a new
pair of shoes, she begins to think of a new blouse, a skirt, earrings
and a hairstyle that will go well with these shoes, and about where she
can go out in all that. She agonizes over too many choices until she
puts the whole outfit together! Should it happen that she picks a nice-
looking garment in the process that doesn’t match this outfit, the task
immediately becomes twice as complex. It requires her to assemble
another outfit which also doesn’t make sense unless it is complete.
For a man, making a purchase marks the completion of efforts in the
achievement of satisfaction, for a woman, it’s only the beginning of a
long journey to happiness twinkling somewhere ahead. With this in
mind, we should see into the matter of compatibility between men and
women according to their perceptions of past, present and future.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
GANA: DIRECTION OF THINKING
A person is born in one of the three categories, known as devata-

gana, manushya-gana and rakshasa-gana. If according to astrological
calculations, ganas, or personal characteristics of potential partners
came into conflict, the marriage was not recommended, because the
spouses would have different perceptions of past, present and future.
Similarly, there were calculations of pratiloma and anuloma.
The central idea is that if a young man and a girl were on an equal
level, the marriage would be happy, whereas inequality would lead to
unhappiness. Because marriages are made thoughtlessly these days,
divorce has become a commonplace phenomenon, and human society
has degenerated to the level of animal society. Marriages are concluded
by mutual agreement: if a man and a woman simply agree to marry,
the marriage takes place. But when the Vedic system is not observed,
marriage frequently ends in divorce.
In the “Astro-Ved” School of Astrology, Palmistry and
Numerology we deal with this aspect of compatibility by examining
special features of the palms of a man and a woman.
Compatibility from the Perspective of Bengali Palmistry
First off, I’d like to recite the famous verse that explains the
mystical meaning of a human palm, which represents the whole
microcosm:
karagre vasate lakshmi

kara mule saraswathi
kara madhye tu govindah
prabhate kara darshanam
“On the tip of the fingers is Goddess Lakshmi; on the base of

the fingers is Goddess Sarasvati; in the middle of the fingers is Lord
Govinda. Thinking in this way, I look at my palms in the morning,
meditating on the spiritual world.”
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Whether a man and a woman make a good match is determined

by the compatibility between them in terms of psychological perception
of reality. In palmistry, this is called gana, and it is of prime importance
for thorough understanding of friendship and marriage. There are
three types of gana, and they are indentified by the position of the end
of little finger in relation to the distal phalanx of the ring finger, if we
look at the hand from the palm-side.
Devata-gana
This is when the end of a little finger extends beyond the joint
between the distal and the middle phalanges of the ring finger. For
such people, it is natural to muse on the future and reflect upon
lofty subjects. Thus, they don’t like to think too much about earthly
concerns, mundane, practical affairs. Sometimes they may dream of
renunciation. Such people are said to “be off in a dreamworld”.
The Story
An astrologer was once walking along the road, watching

the stars, their unusual position. He got so deeply immersed in his
observations that he lost his balance and fell into a ditch. A passer-
by noticed him, all over in the mud, and said, “My friend, you
should learn a lesson from this: let the stars move in their own way;
you, being on Earth, should walk carefully and watch your step. It’s
not enough to think about the future – one should be practical in
the present moment.”
Judging from this hand feature, those who want to become

astrologers can get to know their special, sometimes even mystical
skills. An astrologer with a devata type of consciousness, if he/she
becomes expert in predictive sciences, can look into the future and see
ahead. Therefore, if you are interested in the future events of your life,
find an astrologer with a corresponding palmar sign – he/she will help
you to get a glimpse of the future. But to become a devata-astrologer,
one should also be well versant in spiritual science and lead a pure
way of life. Just to have some natural inclinations is not enough —
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
one should bring them into a mature stage, develop and refine them
through spiritual practice, control of desires and senses and constant
purification.
Manushya-gana
The end of a little finger is on a level with a distal interphalangeal

joint of the ring finger. Such people love to associate with others and
serve society. Knowing or doing something, they consider it perfectly
right and don’t agree with the criticism. They are fully immersed in
the present moment. They live in the present, think of present. This
is a practical, down-to-earth kind of person who can live life in the
here and now, although he/she risks leaving the past experience out of
consideration, and may fail to foresee future results of his/her actions.
The Parable
Once there was a woman carrying a basket of bricks on her

head, working on a building site. She was walking along, but then
the basket fell from her head. She tried to put it back on her head
but failed and began to cry uncontrollably, loudly chanting the
God’s name. Her ardent plea attracted the attention of the Lord,
and He thought, “It’s getting impossible to tolerate the lamentation
of this woman, as she cries her heart out. All right then, let me
come to her aid.” And He appeared right in front of her. «What do
you want?» the Lord asked the woman. «Please put the basket back
on my head,» replied the woman. «But I can give you liberation! I
can give you anything you wish, and all you want is for me to put
this basket on your head?» The woman replied, «Yes, just put the
basket back on my head so I can finish my job and get home in time
for dinner.»
Practicality As A Style Of Life
In a nutshell, this kind of person lives by the principle of

practicality. What does it mean and how not to become nuts about
effectiveness and actuality, and always remember to take past and
future into consideration?
55
Each time we purchase an item, we bring home not just a

combination of atoms, but the mood with which it was produced, the
mindset, dreams and hopes of the producer. Everything has both an
external and internal constituent. Thus, an item bought brings into
our home not only the fulfillment of our desires, but the mood of its
manufacturer, the meditation of its creator. The spirit of a manufacturer
is invisibly present in his/her work and influences our consciousness.
Thus, when we accept an item imbibed with the mood of its creator, it
changes our consciousness, often making it materialistic, greedy and
proud. Unfortunately, sublimity of consciousness is much to seek these
days. For the most part, the meditation of producers is not of a nature
of service to people, but of greed for gain. It carries the desire to gain
excess profit at all cost. Therefore, practicality consists in the ability
to derive benefit from an item, without being contaminated with
unfavorable mentality, some subtle odor that has saturated the modern
economy.
And when the smell of producer’s meditation becomes
unbearable, when there’s no getting away from it, the thing is called
“stylish” or “trendy”, and the price for it rockets sky-high. When buying
a trendy item, one consciously abandons practicality for the sake of
spirit of fashion, which consists of nothing else than arrogance, greed
and lust. Therefore, remember: in this world, you always run a danger
of getting negative side effects. Sometimes they are written on a label,
sometimes not. A person must sense himself/herself the subtle odor of
impracticality that allures a modern man.
Manushya-astrologer
An astrologer who has this palmar feature can give good advice
on problems of the present from the standpoint of practicality, actuality
and effectiveness. One can turn to such a specialist for help in making
short-run decisions that don’t have long-lasting effects. It’s a “sanitary
technician” type of astrologer. He/she doesn’t create an interior design
for ages, but can quickly turn off water in your newly refurbished house
and help protect it from flooding.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
Rakshasa-gana
The last of the three categories is called rakshasa-gana, and is

characterized by the following feature: a little finger is shorter than the
distal phalanx of the ring finger. This feature gives evidence of inflated
sense of self-importance and difficulty in controlling the urges of the
senses. But it’s not all doom and gloom. As a rule, this gana is easily
neutralized by other palmar signs, such as good mounts (planets). As
you may guess, a person with this type of mindset is focused on the
past.
He/she is prone to muse over his/her past deeds and avail himself/
herself of past experiences. He/she is by instinct a historian capable
of making inferences and transferring his/her experience to the next
generations. A true sage is not the one who never makes mistakes, but
the one who learns from mistakes, makes the most serious conclusions,
and lives life further always keeping in mind what such experiments
end up with.
The Parable
Two sages were traveling when they came to a river. They

looked about, but there was no bridge to go over, so they decided
to cross the river by walking through the shallower part of it. They
were about to do it when a pregnant woman who also wanted to get
across turned to them for help: “Oh sages, please help me get over
to the other shore.”
One of the sages told the other, “I don’t think we should do
it. Our etiquette doesn’t allow close association with women, but
to help this woman, we’ll have to carry her right in our arms.” The
other sage replied, “Yes, this is really so, but the poor woman is
pregnant, morality urges us to help those who got into an awkward
predicament.”
“No matter whether she’s pregnant or not, I don’t think this
is our duty,” said the first sage. “I will help this woman no matter
what,” said the second one. Then he swiftly picked her up and
carried her across to the other bank, where he sat her down.
The woman went her way, and the two sages continued
their walk in silence. The first sage was really upset, as per their
injunctions, they were not allowed even to look at women. After
57
some time, he could no longer restrain himself and confronted

his companion, “Still I think this is very bad that you carried
this woman across the Ganges on your shoulders. Very bad.” The
second one said, “I set her down back at the crossing, but you are
still carrying her in your mind. Why don’t you put her down and
continue to walk alone?”
Pratiloma and Anuloma
According to the Vedic system, marriages between kshatriyas

and kshatriyas (warrior/ruling class) or between brahmanas and
brahmanas (priest, teacher class) are the general custom. If marriages
sometimes take place between different classes, these marriages are
of two types, namely anuloma and pratiloma. Anuloma, marriage
between a man of the teacher class and the daughter of a warrior, was
not seen as problematic by astrologers. However, pratiloma, marriage
between a warrior (ruler) and the daughter of a brahmana raised
doubts about its acceptability because children could be born with an
unhealthy state of mind or very strong, ungovernable desires. This is
called varna compatibility (compatibility according to varna, or one’s
natural aptitude). In a word, pratiloma (translated as “against hair or
grain”) is a marriage where the wife is from a higher class than the
husband.
Marriages between proximate ganas are quite stable, but
marriages between devata-gana and rakshasa-gana may turn out to be
short-lived because of too many discrepancies. In the families, where
the spouses belong to the same gana children can be born who are
kind, beautiful, wealthy, righteous, glorious, interested in spirituality
and living 100 years. In the marriage of unequals, children may be
born cruel, deceitful, hating the Vedas and righteousness.
We may take a more relaxed approach to these distinctions
nowadays since all people of the current historical period have one and
the same predominant mentality, so there’s no apparent contradiction
between personality types. The majority of people of this age are
characterized by a personality pattern that requires them to help and
take care of others. Our care for others is our salvation, our peace of
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mind and the way out of any situation, even the most challenging one.
Two people are always compatible if they are ready to forgo even their
personal desires and pursuits in favor of giving themselves to each
other. And the opposite is also true: the chances of building good
relationships are pretty slim if everyone thinks about oneself only and
wants to use others solely as tools in pursuit of one’s own ends.
Nevertheless, an insight into gana compatibility makes it possible
to understand the way marriage discrepancies arise when partners fail
to understand each other’s psychological type. For example, if a husband
is of devata-gana and a wife is of manushya-gana, he’ll be saving money
for a future major purchase, such as a car, he considers important, and
the wife will be constantly telling him that a car in the future — that’s
mighty good, of course, but snow boots are needed right now because
winter is close at hand! Another example: the husband is of rakshasa-
gana and the wife is of manushya-gana. He can’t stop complaining to
his wife that she can’t cook, do the laundry and make a bed the way his
mother did. And the wife will be saying that a mother is a sacred thing
of course, but today I’ve cooked supper as I think proper, therefore, eat
what you are given or go to bed hungry…
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PROSPERITY COMPATIBILITY
The level of prosperity is also one of compatibility aspects. It

is determined by several factors; let’s take a look at the most obvious
one. If a person has wide gaps between fingers when pressed together,
money will unfortunately slip through these fingers. By looking at the
palms of potential marriage partners, it’s possible to make interesting
conclusions about who will be tight with money and who will fling
them around.
In any case, we should always remain content with whatever is
earned through honest labor. The purpose of family relationships is not
material wealth — the purpose of any relationships is spiritual wealth.
Material prosperity is also necessary, but one shouldn’t die for money
– one should use every penny so that it could bring happiness and love.
The main thing is not to advance at a great rate but to be able to stop
in due time.
The Parable
There’s a story of four brahmana boys who were looking

for wealth and went up into the Himalayas. Brahmana means “a
devotee of the Absolute Truth, Brahman”, but these brahmanas
were interested in getting wealth. Each of them was thinking, «I’ve
just come out of gurukula [school] training, now I have to get some
wealth, and then I can get married and have a happy life.» So they
went to one sage who was living near the Himalayan Mountains,
and they asked him, «Dear sage, we have heard that you are all-
knowing, so please tell us where we can find wealth.»
The sage said, «All right. So now I will put in the hands of each
of you one ghee wick, cotton ghee wick. You just hold that in your
hand, and you walk up into the Himalayan Mountains. Wherever
this wick drops during the course of walking up the mountain, at
that spot if you dig and you will find something valuable. You will
find precious metal up to the value of gold.»
So they were very happy, and they went up into the mountains
holding their wicks. One of the wicks dropped, so the boy dug
there and found copper. «Oh, copper. Very nice.» The other boys
said, «Why just copper?» «No no,» the boy said, «I am satisfied. The
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sage said, wherever the wick drops, so this is my quota. God has
given copper.» So he took that and went down.
The other boys continued, and another wick dropped. When
they dug they found silver. «Ah, silver, very nice. Even more
valuable.» The boy whose wick had dropped was very satisfied, but
the other two said, «Well silver’s alright, but the sage said up to
gold.» «Anyway,» the boy said, «I’ve found silver by God’s grace, so
I’m taking that.»
So the other two continued, and one of their wicks dropped.
He dug, and he found gold. «All right,» one said, «here it is, the
gold. Enough for both of us.» The last one said, «Yes, but I still have
my wick. It hasn’t dropped yet.» The other one replied, «Yes, but
the sage didn’t mention anything more valuable than gold.» «Well
anyway,» the last boy said, «I still have my wick, so I am going to
find my treasure.» «Well do as you will,» the boy who found the
gold said, «but I am taking this gold.»
So then the last boy went high into the Himalayas, up to the
very top, and still his wick didn’t drop. Then he saw one man in
the distance. So he called to him, «My dear sir, do you know of
any valuable treasure up here? I am looking for wealth.» As soon
as he said that, his wick dropped. So he thought, «There must be
something very valuable here.»
Meanwhile, the boy had come a little closer to the man, and
he noticed that the man was standing in a strange position: he was
not moving, and there was a wheel turning on his head. The middle
of the wheel, the hub, was grinding into his head and causing blood
to flow, and this man was obviously in great pain. When this boy’s
wick dropped, that wheel suddenly moved from that man’s head
onto his head. The wheel was turning, and the boy felt great pain.
He also could not move any more: the wheel was somehow keeping
him in place.
The other man could move again and he exclaimed, «Oh,
I’m free! Thank God!» The brahmana boy said, «Please tell me
what is going on here! Why am I suddenly stuck to this spot? I
cannot move and this wheel is on my head and it feels very painful.
What is happening?» The other man replied, «You have come to
the place where Kuvera keeps his treasure. He’s the treasurer of
the demigods, and all his wealth, all the wealth of the demigods is
buried here.» «Well, what is this wheel?» the boy asked. «This wheel
is a weapon of Kuvera which protects his treasure.» «Oh,» the boy
said. «So tell me, what is going to happen to me?» «What is going to
happen to you,» the man said, «is the same thing that happened to
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me. I also came up here looking for treasure. I came up with some
friends and met an old sage who gave us ghee wicks. My friends got
copper, silver and gold, but I wanted to go higher. I came up here,
and the wheel came onto my head.» «So what can I expect?» the
boy asked. «Well, this wheel will stay on your head and keep you
fixed to this place. You will not grow thirsty or hungry, you will just
stay and not be able to move until somebody else comes up here
looking for treasure. Then you will be released, and he will get the
wheel on his head.»
«How long have you been here?» the boy questioned. «Who
is the king of India now?» The boy gave the name of the king, and
the man replied, «Well when I came up here, Lord Ramachandra
was king.» «Oh no!» the boy said. «That was a million years ago!»
And then the man went away, and the greedy boy was left up there,
and probably he’s still up there now.
So don’t go up into the Himalayas looking for treasure. Don’t

expect to get too much: under the current circumstances we already
have everything we need to become fully happy. When we think we
lack something, not only do we postpone our happiness for later – we
start to intentionally look for grief and suffering.
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EMOTIONS VS. RESULT
A man is always interested in the result while a woman is not so

much interested in the result as in emotions she gets in the process of
pursuing an objective. Therein is one of the key differences between
feminine and masculine mentality. For instance, a man simply needs a
home whereas a woman needs a home as a place where new interesting
relationships can start. Unfortunately, a man sometimes fails to
understand it. He sincerely thinks that if he has bought something, this
in itself is enough to make a woman happy, and thinks he did all that was
required of him. But a woman’s view is somewhat different: if something
new has appeared, it must be used to derive new emotions. The mere
acquisition of material things can’t make a woman feel satisfied: she
becomes such only in the process of joint use of something she has got.
Therefore, as we have already found out, property acquisition is not
seen as the end of the matter but only as preparation for commencing
new relationships.
Put it in a nutshell, the main thing is not the item purchased but
how we’ll use it to expand and further develop our nice relationships.
What really matters in relationships is not accumulation and
acquisition, but the joint use of things acquired. “A fine set of silver
plate should be used for romantic dinner each day,” thinks a wife,
whereas a husband is satisfied with a mere fact that they have silverware
at home. Just look how many things there are at home that are not
utilized: that same holiday dinnerware that appears never used… By
the way, the dinnerware mostly breaks on holidays, so there is no logic
in preserving it during the whole year to have it smashed in one day…
Men should always remember the main rule of relationships:
a woman always wants to experience new emotions. A man buys
foods just to keep the fridge stocked and have something to eat — a
woman buys foods to cook a nice dinner, dine others handsomely and
experience joy from this activity. Therefore, a man should always show
his joy over what a woman does for him because she does it only for the
sake of gaining new emotional experience. Sometimes she doesn’t even
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realize it herself, but our innate tendencies are powerful and make us
act in accordance with our psychological makeup.
Now we can understand the biggest mistake men make: they
simply stop communicating with their wives when the goal is reached,
when the purchase has been made because they think this in itself is
enough. No, this world is meant for relationships, and anything we do
should deepen our relationships, not end them. In family relations,
you can’t do things wishing your close ones would leave you alone:
this kind of mood goes against the idea of family union as such. You
can’t separate yourself from others, and no one will leave you alone,
anyway, for we are all interrelated with each other, tied together, so
it’s impossible to dissociate oneself from others. Hence, from the very
beginning it’s better to learn to act in such a way that every action –
not even an action, but every single thought, would be positive and
harmless and would contribute to improvement of our relationships,
or else there will be trouble.
The Parable
There was once a man chopping wood in the forest. He was

splitting the wood, stacking it in piles.
«It’s a very exhausting work,» he thought. So he sat under a
particularly nice tree, and he thought to himself, «I just wish all
this wood would chop itself.» So suddenly all the trees chopped
themselves and stacked themselves up very nicely. «What is this?»
he thought. «I just wished that it would happen, and it happened.»
So then he looked up at the tree he was under, and he realized that
it was a kalpa-vrksa — a wish-fulfilling tree that fulfilled all desires.
«This is wonderful! Now I desire a beautiful woman.» Poof! The
most beautiful woman appeared before him.
«Now I desire a beautiful palace to live in, I desire many
servants and an opulent feast.» On and on he went for many hours,
and every single thing appeared because he was sitting under a
desire tree. But then he thought, «The sun is going down, it’s getting
dark now. I know what’s going to happen. Because this is a jungle,
a tiger’s going to appear and that tiger’s going to eat me.» So lo and
behold, because he thought it, and he was sitting under a desire
tree, a tiger appeared and gobbled him up.
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It makes a woman happy when a man takes steps to deepen

their relationships. And if a woman is happy at home, such a home
thrives and flourishes. Prosperity is wrapped up in woman’s happiness.
Thousands of books are written about how to get into big money, but
the main law of prosperity is still under the seal of secrecy, although
many people are coming to realize that money is a feminine energy.
It means that a wife is a symbol of prosperity for a husband. Karma
watches the husband’s behavior towards his wife and decides how
much money to allocate, accordingly. If a husband respects, loves and
values his wife, he can be allowed to manage feminine energy; if not,
prosperity will only harm him. In other words, from the way a man
treats his wife karma determines how he would treat wealth -- whether
he’s ready for prosperity or still needs to smarten up a bit…
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A MAN OR A CHILD?
There is one fine point about feminine mentality all men should
come to realize the sooner the better. The truth of the matter is that
wife shows displeasure with a husband when he acts like a child. She
wants to start a family with a real man who provides protection, gives
support and puts her mind at rest. But sometimes she’s in for a big
disappointment because instead of acquitting himself like a man, a
husband suddenly turns into a child and behaves in quite the opposite
manner: expects his wife to protect, soothe and comfort him, “wipe
his nose”. It leads to a strong sense of disappointment of a woman in
a family life, which affects relationships at all levels. The husband/wife
relationship transforms into that of mother/son, and it is far from
suiting every woman.
Then, if a man becomes fully dependent on a woman, demands
constant care from her, he reincarnates (transforms) not even into a
child, but directly into a woman. It is a woman who needs care and
guarding, not a man. As a result of such dependent behavior, there
appear to be two wives, instead of a husband and wife, in a family. Of
course, it’s fun for a wife to have another girlfriend, but she hoped to
get a thoughtful, reliable husband, after all! If a husband depends on
his wife, not vice versa, his manliness is worn away. There remains no
trace of it, and although he may bang his fists on the table trying to
assert his manliness at home, it is nothing else than female hysteria. A
husband must prove his manliness through care for his wife and make
her feel safe as if behind a stone wall. Then her womanliness will be
satisfied.
The law of happy family relationships is quite simple: a spirit
of happiness settles at home when a woman feels happy. When she
is happy in family life, a man also becomes happy. The conclusion is
simple: if a man wants to get happy, he should make his wife happy first.
If he makes a mistake and tries to become happy by himself, neither
he nor his wife or other relatives will feel themselves happy, because
the proper ethical sequence is not observed. Happiness in solitude is a
rather questionable award.
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The Parable
Once there was a dog so nasty that its owner had to hang
a large piece of metal around its neck to stop it from biting and
chasing after everyone. But a silly dog mistook the piece of metal
for a medal and became so arrogant that it looked with contempt
at other dogs and refused to communicate with them. In a similar
way, a proud person ends up alone as a result of lack of manners,
but thinking that it’s a reward, hates everybody around him/her
even more.
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I WANT HAPPINESS
When creating a family, both a man and a woman aspire to

become happier. That’s the only thing they expect, starting their life
together. And it can actually become a reality. Personal happiness can
really increase provided that the partner is happy. It’s because one can
get happier only by associating with a happy person. It’s impossible
to become happy together with someone who feels discontented and
dissatisfied. Therefore, when starting a family, one should always
remember that his/her happiness directly depends on the happiness
of his/her partner. So it’s in our own interest to learn to make others
happy, and all the more so, to bring happiness to our close ones.
Knowledge about relationships leads to purity of relationships
which in turn enables one to become happy in a relationship.
This knowledge is based on the universal principle of selflessness
that lies at the heart of happiness as such. Thus, for example, happiness
from association with a woman comes when a man doesn’t expect to
get anything in response to his efforts. As soon as we start making a
plan how to give little and receive a lot, it’s a plan on how to become
unhappy oneself and bring grief to everybody else. Relationships are
not business dealings — relationships require self-sacrificing attitude
and full commitment.
Relationship success has the same nature as success in any
other sphere. Its ingredients are: focus on your goal, a fair amount of
effort and awareness that everything happens according to God’s will.
Staying focused on a goal is sometimes called austerity, and it brings
benefit and success if one properly discharges one’s prescribed duties.
Putting a fair amount of effort into something requires self-sacrifice,
which is the ability to forgo personal advantage for the sake of another
person. Not to put too fine a point on it, to achieve success, one should
be focused on his/her goal, but this goal should consist of taking care
of others.
When it comes to relationships, staying focused means being
attentive. When a relationship just begins, we tend to be extremely
careful and thoughtful, inspired by the prospect of future happiness.
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But after some time, having experienced first joy from relationships, we
stop being considerate and as a result of such slackness, lose happiness
we have just acquired. Therefore, to maintain relationships means to
keep an attentive, thoughtful attitude towards a person, and to enhance
relationships means to become even more careful and attentive, and
certainly, more thoughtful towards him/her.
Of course, no relationship is without conflict. This is also true of
family relationships. Holding an argument is a fine way to come out of
energy stagnation. When personal development of one of the partner’s
is at a standstill, when his/her energy slackens, and he/she loses sight
of his purpose by falling prey to laziness, an argument is an effective
way to liven him/her up. Vedas affirm that a woman is four times more
quick-witted than a man. She is able to conduct an argument in such
a way that encourages a husband to perk up a bit, make new plans and
gradually get things going. For a married woman, argumentative skills
are of primary importance.
A small advice is that enlivening of a man should go on
according to certain rules. Because it’s actually similar to “awakening
a hibernating bear”, the first part of the process consists of inspiring a
person, rather than criticizing him. “Wake him up” with affectionate
tenderness, otherwise, there’s a danger of “rousing an animal” in him.
It must be kept in mind that rogue bears are very dangerous creatures.
Therefore, don’t criticize your husband – encourage him, “stroke him
tenderly”, “stir him up” by gently inspiring to put more life into actions.
Yes, making criticism is also needed, but only when there’s
intensive activity going on. Good criticism in this case gives an extra
push for further intensification of efforts and helps not to stop half-
way through the task. Dynamic actions require such an extra push-
forward. But when the level of activity is zero, criticism only irritates
a person. Such irritation through criticism in a state of slumber finally
results in total disinclination to act and causes a man to “go into a den”
even deeper.
A woman should know that if she wants something from a man,
she must be the first one to act. Only then can she expect her desires
to be fulfilled on time. Suppose she wants to arrange for them both to
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meet parents on Saturday. She must spur a man on to activity as early

as on Friday: iron his pants herself, roust him out of bed on time, ask
him to shave, take him out and make sure he follows the right road.
A man himself won’t even lift a finger if it’s something that his
wife needs, and he doesn’t need it personally. A woman should win and
conquer his mind, otherwise he’ll simply fall asleep or go to his friends
to busy himself with “important matters”. To conquer his mind means
to get him interested. Therefore, a woman should build relationships
with a husband in pursuit of something that may keep him interested
in their mutual communication and interaction. In any case, one thing
is sure: eating together he won’t mind…
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A GLIMPSE OF KARMIC CONSEQUENCES
Not only is violation of fundamental laws of family life punishable

by public contempt – one also has to face rather severe karmic
consequences. For example, he who leaves his wife when he ceases to
love her is reborn as a goose in his next life. And if a wife discards
her husband, she becomes a lizard or a snake. If a woman ill treats
her parents-in-law and always strikes up quarrels, she becomes a leech
in her next life, whereas she who can’t stop fighting with a husband,
becomes a louse. A seducer turns into a ghost, and he who molests his
friend’s wife turns into an ass. Everyone is mad about sexual enhancers
today, but the one who is too lusty is reborn as a lusty male horse in
the next life.
Behave yourselves; don’t populate the animal and plant kingdom,
be appreciative of your human birth – it offers the opportunity to
become truly happy.
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RESPONSIVENESS ASSESSMENT
A woman always cares deeply about the state of her relationship

with a husband. She tries to make sure it is alive and checks to what
degree it is alive. If she has a suspicion that the relationship is becoming
weaker, she tries to revive it by all possible means. And as you may guess,
sometimes these means are nowhere near pleasant. Hardly anyone will
like being punched in the chest or having an electric current passed
through his heart. Therefore, in order not to let the situation degenerate
into a state when “urgent reanimation” is required, a husband should
take the initiative himself to prove to his wife that their relationship is
alive.
Why is it so important for her? It’s because relationships afford
protection to a woman. When they grow weaker, she becomes frightened
because she starts feeling unprotected. Any disagreeable arguments,
quarrels and fights that ever take place in a family result from woman’s
suspicions that relationships are becoming weaker, which means there’s
no protection anymore. It’s quite easy to show that relationships are not
dead. For this, a man should be attentive. Attentiveness is a skill of
providing an immediate response to a situation at the moment when
it arises.
If a husband is “alive”, he quickly responds to what a wife is doing.
He always attends to things going on around and talks about what
he has noticed. “You look so pretty!” “What a nice dinner you have
cooked!” Each time he should say one and the same thing in different
words: “I like to communicate with you — it’s very interesting for me”.
Although, a woman shouldn’t expect much diversity in this regard
because a man’s vocabulary and imagination may be rather limited.
And now behold a small secret of how to be attentive. The secret
is to show responsiveness to a situation right at the moment when it
arises, and not postpone your reaction for a month, a week or even
a day. Even a two-minute delay would mean inattentiveness of a
man for a woman, and would be regarded as an alarm sign that their
relationships have worsened.
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A man sometimes finds it hard to give an immediate response

because his consciousness is either in the past or in the future. A
woman’s consciousness rests in the present moment most of the time.
A husband tells his wife that he has bought everything that was needed,
and if there’s something lacking, he’ll buy it in the near future. But a
wife wants pleasant relationships right now. She’s not interested what
was in the past or will be in the future — it matters to her what happens
in their life, in their relationships right now.
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THE SUMMARY
In conclusion, an important thing to remember is: how does

spiritual happiness differ from material happiness? Spiritual satisfaction
consists in being happy with what you have, whereas material
satisfaction means to expect happiness from future achievements. And
certainly, it should be kept in mind that without spiritual refinement,
our efforts to achieve marital happiness will bring no result. Material
well-being should not be a goal in itself but an initial environment in
which one should achieve spiritual happiness. In the Seventh Canto
of Srimad-Bhagavatam, 7.15.74, it is said: “The process of chanting
the holy name of the Lord is so powerful that by this chanting even
householders [grihasthas] can very easily gain the ultimate result
achieved by persons in the renounced order. Maharaja Yudhisthira, I
have now explained to you that process of religion.”
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THE BODY AS A MICROSCOPE
To make out the meaning of family relationships, first we should

understand the intended purpose of physical bodies we find ourselves
in. Families are most often created based on bodily relationships these
days. Sages make the following statement in this regard: a human body
is first and foremost meant for studying and comprehending the soul,
because it is a soul who wants to love and be loved. A body has a hidden
potential by revealing which one can use it for the purpose specified,
that is, one can find a way to connect one’s own soul with a soul of
another person. This is what can make us happy, happy in the truest
sense of the word. Such a connection is called “care”, “service” or “yoga”.
Bodily connection certainly brings vivid sensual pleasures, but
they end quickly, become dull, cloying and palling. However, judging
from present indications, we may guess that relationships should really
be filled with ecstatic emotions, but these emotions should be steady,
sublime and not embarrassing. For that, we have to find another
method, except physical contact, that has been studied in every detail,
but fails to bring true pleasure, indeed.
Remember, embarrassing means wrong. How can shame-based,
and thus, wrongful interaction make us happy? The alternative way
does exist and is known as spiritual relationships, or the yoga of love.
In some way, a body can be compared to a very valuable
microscope using which it’s possible to see the smallest particle of
matter. But the soul is even smaller than the smallest material particle,
smaller than the atom, and using the given body, it’s possible to study
this anti-material particle by availing oneself of the system called
meditation. In short, a body is a “super-microscope” for “examining
anti-matter”. And meditation is a way to see how I can make myself and
others happy. An insight into yogic practices opens the entryway to the
microcosm for us, which is no less than the macrocosm consisting of
all the space before our eyes.
Since this is an unusual entry, one should come inside in a special
manner, as well. In yoga, it is called mantra. Mantra is a key to the entry
into the world of microcosm. The easiest key which is quite popular
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today is known as pranava, or mantra “AUM” that can be translated

simply as “Open”1. In Christian spiritual tradition, they have another
variation of this key in the form of word “Amen”, and Moslems also say
“Amen”.
This key can do a lot; it ties together the past, present and
future. But the crucial thing is that it has the power to transfer our
consciousness from material world to the spiritual world. The first
sound “A” represents the waking state of consciousness. This part of
mantra fulfills all desires. Therefore, it is also the first letter of the
alphabet. The sound “U” symbolizes elevation of consciousness, which
results in that everyone who is familiar with a person reciting this
mantra — all his/her relatives, friends and acquaintances — also begin
to aspire to lofty pursuits. Therefore, he/she no longer has a cause to
worry about his/her relatives and close ones since this part of mantra
creates an invisible bond between them all and their growth paths in
life. And finally, the sound “M”, the third part of mantra, makes the
consciousness fully focused, which enables one to uncover his/her
life’s true calling. If one doesn’t give up on this state of consciousness
and continues to develop it further, the fourth state becomes manifest,
which means one’s consciousness becomes transferred from the
material world to the spiritual.
1 Translator’s note: imperative request
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COMPARATIVE ANATOMY
A family is not a medical laboratory intended for studying

physiology or anatomy. It is a structure that gives an opportunity to learn
to differentiate between the desires of the soul and those of the body.
In pre-revolutionary Russia, there was a law prescribing punishment
for gazing at the naked body of a spouse. It was a real law with legal
proceedings and custodial sentence. It is not for nothing that we cover
our bodies with clothes, for not only does the consciousness become
agitated, but it loses its capability to think about spiritual subjects. And
this is exactly the death of the soul. Remember: a naked body is a killer
of the soul. The essence of beauty is not in denudation, the essence of
beauty is in purity, fidelity and sublimity.
Both material and spiritual desires require fulfillment, although
there are different ways to fulfill them. The main thing, however, is that
in a family life, it’s necessary to maintain the balance between material
and spiritual. There is so much controversy going on today about what
is more important: a material aspect or a spiritual one; but actually, it’s
like a dispute over what is better: a beetroot soup or a sour-cream that
goes with it… The answer is obvious: there must be a balance between
the two. Any excess will make a dish not as tasty as it could be provided
that the proper balance between its ingredients is observed.
Some people like to have a dollop of sour cream in a dish, and
others want to have just a bit, but it’s not a problem at all. The main
thing is that a dish calls for all its ingredients to be present. The same is
true of family life: it’s possible to strike such a balance between material
and spiritual aspects that would leave all family members, without any
exception, feeling comfortable with it. Yes, we are all different, so at
dinner everyone can have his/her soup laced with as much sour-cream
as they like, and for everyone, it will be their own ratio they feel good
about. Furthermore, some people may have their preferences changed,
while others keep their preferences unchanged throughout life.
There once was a boatman who was upset about his heavy
work: dragging boats with a rope along the uneven surface of the
riverbank was hard and painful for him. There were many stones,
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bushes and thorns on his way that pricked his bare feet. He toiled
heavily along and thought that if he were rich, he would have
covered the whole shore with quilts and mattresses so it could be
easier to walk…
Everyone has his own path of development, but anyway, we

should try to find the balance ourselves and help others to do it.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
SERVICE TO MY SOUL
No matter what social order you are in – whether you are a

householder or a monk – a body should always serve the purpose of
comprehending the soul. Any order of life, whether it is renounced
or household order – has its peculiarities, its rules and regulations,
but the main principle of understanding one’s true calling is always
the same. It always works without any exceptions or excuses. This is
the whole point of a wedding ceremony where each of the partners
asserts readiness to devote his/her whole life to service of the other (as
opposed to demanding service from him/her).
This is the whole secret. While taking care of others, we gradually
start to realize that it’s impossible to take care only of someone’s body.
In the first place, we should take care of the soul. To put a bird in a
golden cage and feed it with selected grains is not enough – it’s not so
easy to make a bird truly happy for it can simply die of depression and
boredom. The same goes for a human being. One is hardly satisfied
only with external things: an apartment, a sofa or a TV-set. A spiritual,
immaterial compound is absolutely essential. Like it is said, “You can
love inanimate things, but they can’t love you back.”
Only to remind us that not only the body, but also the soul needs
care, there exist some restrictions on men’s and women’s behavior.
There are not so many of them, by the way, and they protect us from
obviously dangerous actions that can harm ourselves and all those
around us. Sensible restrictions help to minimize the consequences of
follies we commit in the process of doing things. They enable us to
elevate our consciousness and use every opportunity for that, as we
perform any activity required for satisfaction of bodily needs (eating,
sleeping, mating and defending).
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HOW TO RAISE YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS
The purpose of family life is to learn to help each other raise our
consciousness and pass this experience to our children. The ability to set
limits on our individual demands is the basis for raising consciousness.
Humans shouldn’t eat indiscriminately or mate randomly, whenever
the opportunity presents itself. Food must be pure, and relationships
must be of a lofty nature. Each person can strive to achieve purity in all
aspects of human life, and constantly perfect oneself in that. Besides,
purity of consciousness is achieved through cultivating equanimity
while facing life’s hardships. We have to tolerate many things in life,
and this is particularly so with relationships when primary emotions
of joy and mutual interest leave them. Even in theory, building happy
relationships based on material senses and bodily satisfaction is
impossible.
Our individuality won’t allow us to satisfy each other 100%. Our
desires, dreams and ideas about happiness will never jump together
completely, which means it will be very difficult to achieve mutual
happiness based thereon. Nothing good can come out of a relationship
as long as each of us tries to satisfy only one’s bodily demands. It is only
a high spiritual platform that can bring together all individual desires.
Remember: we are compatible only at the level of the soul, not
the body. As long as our communication is based on the spiritual
platform, we are perfectly compatible, but as soon as we come down to
the bodily platform, numerous troubles, problems and contradictions
arise. Actually, whatever exists on the material platform is potentially
explosive. Matter is explosive-prone, like a bomb. Materialists are right
in some sense that this world has “exploded”. In fact, it will “explode” not
just once, but many times in the future. And communication process
is also potentially explosive if it’s not based on spiritual principles and
doesn’t lead us to elevation of consciousness. When the purpose is
high, all members of society can see it, and it brings them together. But
when it’s not high, it’s only me who sees this purpose, and it triggers
contradictions.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
MATERIAL HAPPINESS
Certainly, most of us still need worldly pleasures: food, sex,

money, a place to live, means of transport, rest. Whether it will harm
or benefit us depends on whether we understand the properties
of material energy as such. Let us get all this straightened out. The
secret of matter is that it brings benefit only if we know how it can be
regulated and purified. This can easily be seen on the example with
material elements.
Water does good when it’s purified and when its flow is regulated
by the tap. But when it’s filled with different types of germs or when it
causes flood overrunning its banks, it is no longer that same safe water
we buy each day from the store in the bottles with many positive things
written on them. It no longer fulfills the function of quenching thirst
or curing a disease, which it’s capable of. Rather, it sweeps up and kills
everything in its path.
The same can be said about the fire. It burns peacefully and
pleasantly within the burners, but in the case of an outbreak of fire, it
devours everything without distinction.
Likewise, we must learn to purify and regulate our love feelings,
or they will make such a mess that there will be no end to sin.
The bottom line here is that it is not family life by itself that
makes one happy. A person becomes happy by gaining experience in
purification of senses and abstinence from harmful desires. We are
warmed not by the fire as such, but thanks to its proper use and control.
We can be happy by leading a regulated life. Though it only lays
the groundwork for taking our love from the material to the spiritual
level. But anyway, is it possible to build a substantial house without
a solid foundation? Thus, one can get an insight into how to achieve
perfection in spiritual life through practicing real, pure, well-regulated
love for one’s family members and close ones.
It’s no good destroying family relationships for the sake of
spiritual love, just as there is no sense in dismantling the foundation in
an attempt to get materials for making the walls. Both a husband and
a wife should behave in ways that don’t induce conflict. Nothing can
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begin to exist without a cause, and conflict is no exception. Therefore,

each family member should make every effort to act in a way that
doesn’t spur conflicts. There is an interesting paradox in family life:
for it to be peaceful and pleasant, every family member should be
extremely cautious, attentive and thoughtful.
These are the same qualities that are needed for handling
explosives. A family is like a bomb consisting of two halves. Each of
them taken separately doesn’t exceed the critical mass, but when they
are joined together, a bomb can go off at any moment.
Therefore, the highest possible carefulness and thoughtfulness is
the cornerstone of success in family life. You can’t remain non-chalant
if you drop a lit match on the coach. A single spark of fire can burn
down the whole house that costs a lot of money and effort. The same
goes for relationships: a single misunderstanding, a smallest spark
of displeasure or discontent can start a fire. So it’s better to put out a
match before it sets the whole house ablaze, annihilating something
which took us so long to create.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
A SOCIAL MIRACLE
There exists a family life miracle that has already become a rarity
in modern-day society. It becomes manifest when marriage really lasts
the whole life. A life-long marriage enables one to experience a special
kind of happiness that is only possible to derive from relationships in
this material world. According to what sages say, a husband and a wife
are one single whole. When they walk down the aisle, they are still
two different personalities, a bride and a groom, each with their own
past and future. But as soon as the vows are made and the marriage is
sanctified, they become one entity, a single whole.
A husband and a wife are no longer separate human beings, but
one living organism that functions in its own ways. They are indeed
two halves of a whole, and by the way, a wife is a better half. Their
desires, goals, opportunities become combined, in other words, karma
of two individuals becomes combined. It brings new concerns and
relief at the same time. Twofold positive karma enables a family to
create a spiritual breakthrough, take a solid step forward, find strength
to be pure, faithful and noble, and most importantly, to raise mannerly
children. On the other hand, if such a breakthrough doesn’t occur
and instead of getting purified, young marrieds engage in nonsense,
their mutual negative karma will befall them in all its “beauty”, in the
meanwhile, giving an opportunity to understand the true purpose of a
family union.
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WELL-WISHERS
In the eastern scriptures, an interesting definition of a family is

given: it is a social structure all the members of which wish well to one
another, serve one another; where everyone is sympathetic towards
the relatives and friends of all the members of this social unit and is
ready to take upon oneself the difficulties, challenges and hardships
of another person. Such a family is called righteous. It brings good to
the world, cultivates kindness, brings forth into the world a really good
progeny and leaves a good memory behind.
A family is a school of kindness. Parents treat children with
kindness, and children reciprocate their affection. A husband is kind to
his wife, and a wife is kind to her husband. Even the household items,
domestic animals, orchard trees, a water well, all articles of daily use
are treated with kindness. A home is a territory of loving kindness. A
family person communicates kindly with neighbors and kindly treats
visitors and guests. Yes, sometimes we argue, disagree with one another
— but this is tolerable as long as it is done with kindness.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
A TASTEFUL FAMILY
In a family, everything should be tasteful: yummy food, “delicious”

relationships, tastefully furnished house/apartment, tastefully selected
clothing… Even the house/apartment itself should smell delicious,
filled with pleasant odor of incenses…
A tasteful future is awaiting such a family. It is stated in the Vedas,
“The woman who engages in the service of her husband, following
strictly in the footsteps of the goddess of fortune, surely returns home,
back to Godhead, with her devotee husband, and lives very happily
in the Vaikuntha planets.” In company with a “delicious” husband, a
wife is eager to go to the spiritual world. Not long ago, a woman in
the process of divorce explained to me her desire to break up with a
spouse in the following words: “It is written in the scriptures that a
faithful husband and wife continue their journey together even after
death. They can get into the world of eternity and enjoy spiritual bliss
there. I want to get divorced because I don’t want to spend the eternity
together with this fool.”
Taste for life comes to a family in the absence of greed. This is
when each family member is ready to tolerate life circumstances that
were created by destiny. Of course, a husband should provide for the wife
not just spiritually, but also materially, but a wife, on her part, should
joyfully accept the circumstances that can’t so easily be changed. To
nurse a grievance against something that is slow and hard to change is
offensive towards destiny that has arranged these circumstances for us.
And also, remember: destiny is also kind. It gives us the circumstances
that are a little better than those we have deserved as a result of our
behavior. It creates them in advance and watches whether we’ll be
grateful for this situation or not. And if we are dissatisfied, if we swear
and blame each other for the problems — it takes away the excess as it
has every right to do so.
Remember: our happiness is always with us. The main thing is
not to lose it and not to blame others if we stopped seeing our own
happiness.
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The Parable
There was a lady going around the village asking, «Where is

my baby? Did you see my baby?» And everyone she asked simply
laughed at her. She couldn’t understand why they were laughing.
Finally she went to a sadhu. She said, «My dear sir, this world is
so bad. I lost my baby. I asked for my baby and people were all
laughing.» The sadhu said, «You go to the lake and look inside.
Your baby is in there.» She said, «What? He jumped in the lake?»
He said, «You just go to the lake and look inside.» So she went to
the lake and looked down, and she saw that the baby was sleeping
on her shoulder. So then she found out, «That is why they were
laughing, because the baby was on my shoulder.»
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
WAYS LOVE RELATIONSHIPS ARISE
To carry out relationship analysis, it’s necessary to know that

material love may have a number of different causes. One type of
love arises through habit and out of long association, as a result of
living in one place or doing things together. Therefore, if one wants
to start a family, one should spend time in places where one can meet
representatives of the opposite sex. It can be work or some leisure area
— the main thing is to have communication on a regular basis. This is
the surest way to create a family.
The second type of material love appears as a work of imagination.
One envisions a wonderful heroine in his mind, imagines past, present
and future of these relationships. Such love is kindled by the fact that a
woman surrounds herself with a mysterious halo and a man pretends
he’s very cool. A woman in this case always holds something back, and
a man lies through his teeth. The future of such a union holds deep
disappointment.
The third type of love comes as a result of faith in a partner. Both
partners consider each other to be a true support in life, and love is a
manifestation of high level of mutual trust between them. It emerges
when one person gives substantial help to the other in situations of
extreme gravity and urgency. When this continues for some time, a
feeling of love inevitably flares up like fire, which is quite understandable.
The fourth type of love is a natural consequence of moving into
adulthood and desire to start a family. Young people consider love as a
greatest boon in life. They are willing to sacrifice for each other’s sake
and want to spend the rest of their lives together. This kind of love
stems from contact of senses with their objects. First, they didn’t notice
each other, but then their eyes met and they understood, “This is my
destiny!”
The way material love emerges has practically no effects on its
further development. It rests with us to channel it in the direction of
harmonious relationships, in which both material and spiritual interests
of both partners would be taken into account. It’s easy to put seeds
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into the soil but they take a long time to produce crops. Moreover, you
always have to make serious efforts so that the crop doesn’t fail.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
IS THERE ANY PROBLEM?
A Family Is a Primary Environment

Where One Must Learn to Do Good
(Vasil Sukhomlinsky2)
Although we honestly think that relationship problems represent

a great challenge these days, and there’s a huge crisis in this sphere, in
reality, relationships by themselves don’t pose any problem. A system
of relationships, with all its rules, laws and crises is the same as it was
many years ago, and it always remains unchanged. The only thing that
is missing now is our own desire to study the science of relationships,
to follow the rules that worked well for thousands of years. Hence, the
problem is not one of relationships but of the fact that we don’t study
the science of relationships, that we are unwilling to study it.
Let’s suppose I inherited a grand piano from my grandfather and
I can remember him eliciting beautiful sounds from the instrument;
so I open the piano, thump on it and wonder: why is there such a
cacophony? After banging piano keys incoherently several times,
I make a conclusion: something is wrong with a piano – it must be
broken. But as you can see, the problem is not one of a piano; it is of
my own reluctance to study music, or rather, my failure to understand
the importance of studying it.
And what is more, desire to hand down the science of relationships
from generation to generation was lost, although there’s no difficulty
about it at all. It doesn’t require us to start schools, universities or
academies. No need to pass end-of-semester exams or even pay for
education. All that is needed for imparting this knowledge is to cook
family dinners together and hold discussions to lay the groundwork
for instilling proper behavior towards other people and especially a
future spouse.
Indeed, the science of relationships is part of culinary art. A
dinner must be cooked in such a way that everyone could enjoy it,
2 [Translator’s Note: a scientist, a Ukrainian humanistic educator,

an outstanding teacher of the 20th century]
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though it’s not an easy matter indeed because everybody has their
own taste. One person likes it when a sweet taste predominates in a
dish, another one prefers sour taste. But there is no disputing about
tastes; we just need to acquire good cooking skills. Similarly, we should
deal with all our family members, all neighbors, friends, co-workers
and even stray acquaintances in such a way as to create good, positive
relationships with them. Make the dish of your life really delicious, so
that anyone who tries it could really enjoy it!
Statistics suggests that a modern human contrives to get to
loggerheads with 6 000 individuals during his/her lifetime. And as
far as friendly relations are concerned, one manages to establish them
with 5 000 people. Life turns into some kind of sports conflictology,
“The Greatest Troublemaker and Fault-Finder of the Year” prize
contest. Major reasons of divorce, crimes and military flare-ups lie
here. We create more enemies than friends, although the real friend/
enemy ratio should be as follows: 95% friends and 5% enemies. A
person with such a relationships balance is considered well-mannered
and non-confrontational. If I have an equal number of enemies and
friends, this is no longer the science of relationships but the science
of how to exert political influence. If half of people around me are my
enemies, I should carry myself in such a way that they don’t guess my
real motives. In fact, this is already a war, a quiet cold war, very bitter
and repugnant. As soon as I start to engage myself in politics, I stop
being a cultured person: there are too many enemies I have to conquer,
and by the way, I created them with my own hands, through my own
uncultured behavior.
Politics is a skill of getting outer peace, while the science of
relationships is a skill of achieving inner peace when one is really able
to feel joy meeting other people. Without inner peace, outer peace leads
to unfortunate results. Such a duality becomes the cause of depression,
illnesses and two-faced cynicism. One should learn to differentiate
between inner and outer calmness and seek harmony between the two.
Outer peace should be based on inner peace, real positive traits of a
person, not his/her political ploys.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
The Parable
A great eastern master kept a special book with him. It

was very old; its cover was decorated with precious stones and a
curious design. Now, the weirdest thing was that he never allowed
anyone to look inside. When there was no one around, he latched
all windows and doors and people thought, “He’s probably reading
his secret treatise now.”
If someone happened to break his solitude, he immediately
put off the book aside. No one was ever lucky enough even to touch
this treatise. By the way, it was very bulky. And of course, everyone
was intrigued, thinking that it probably contained something very
important.
When the master left his body, the first thing disciples did was
that they rushed to open the book, having forgotten his injunction.
To their dismay, they saw that only one page out of a thousand
existing pages contained some writing, and all the other pages were
empty. And this page had only one sentence written on it, which
said, “When one begins to see the difference between the external
appearance and the essence, one becomes a sage.”
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A SYSTEM OF RELATIONSHIPS
Well, the main relationship problem is that one simply doesn’t

know anymore what relationships are about. They represent a well-
defined, smoothly running system, and to understand any kind
of system, one needs to purposefully study it and investigate into a
matter. Is it easy to master a subject of computers, get clued up about
it? One needs several years to learn computer science. And if one wants
to learn to drive, a driving license is also not so easy to get: one has to
pass both a theory and a practical driving test. In a similar way, if we
approach a subject of relationships, especially family relationships, we
should devote some time to studying this system, the way it works, pass
theory and practice, after all…
Life consists of relationships; therefore, the one who learns the
science of relationships learns to live. The one who doesn’t study this
science gears oneself up for wars, destruction and death, accordingly.
He/she loses his/her friends, family and homeland. He/she contrives
to be on fighting terms with a whole world. Such a person is called a
cynic. He/she is no longer able to associate with anyone, and there’s not
a person in the world who would like to associate with him/her. This is
called a state of ignorance.
Ignorance is a coma of intelligence. One only seems to be alive,
eating, sleeping, talking, making money, but intelligence is shut off
almost completely. It is something like life of a sofa. A sofa is very
soft, cozy, beautiful, expensive, but its usefulness becomes evident
only from its interaction with a human, when he/she sits down on it.
Without coming in handy for someone, a sofa is nothing more than a
piece of wood upholstered with flock filling. Similarly, a person without
relationships is nothing but a skin-covered skeleton, blinking his/her
eyes, eating just about anything.
Any sphere of knowledge requires serious study. Nevertheless,
most men and women think they are very well-versed in questions
of relationships and are quite irritated when someone tries to teach
them about this subject. A silly person feels certain that he/she has
a good understanding of history, politics, sex, cooking and weather.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
In actual fact, one is certainly a poor judge of all that, and yet, a silly
person never loses an opportunity to express oneself on these issues
whenever a conversation drifts to them. It is his/her foolishness that
reveals itself. It becomes attracted to these topics just as a mouse is
attracted to cheese.
The whole point of science of relationships is to learn to
distinguish between smaller and bigger mistakes. Bigger mistakes are
called sins, and they bring intense distress on a sinner, which takes the
form of illnesses, losses, parting and even death. Smaller mistakes are
called follies, or karma, and they bring about little, but very unpleasant
suffering. Ugra-karma can be compared to a dog bite, and karma can be
compared to continuous mosquito bites. Both kinds of erratic behavior
give us a great deal of trouble.
Regarding sins, everything is quite simple: everyone understands
that it’s better not to sin, and the penal code also exerts a sobering
influence on us. But when it comes to small follies, the situation is
not so simple and clear-cut. It seems that they may be disregarded;
however, the science of relationships reveals the secret: it is small follies
that become a major cause of concern for us. Why? It’s because when
we commit big follies, they stick in our memory, which means at any
point in time we can repent of them, ask forgiveness, somehow or other
atone for our guilt. But when it comes to small follies, it is not so easy
to be done — we simply don’t remember whose toes we stepped on,
whom we said disagreeable things to, whom we did dirt to…
The Parable
Two men approached a great sage to ask him about the

difference between right and wrong. One of these men considered
himself a great sinner because when he was young, he had a row
with the best friend and, hot with rage, hit his friend with a heavy
stick and killed him. Remorse had haunted him continually since
then. The other man had never committed any heavy faults and, in
his own eyes at least, he was completely blameless and pure.
The sage asked them to tell about themselves: what they did
in the past, how they made their living, and so on. The first man
suddenly broke down and cried. He sobbed out his grief, how he
killed his best friend. He thought his sin was unforgiveable.
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The second man claimed he had never been guilty of

anything so grave, and if there was a normal collection of lesser
sins, it went clean out of his mind.
Then the sage told to the first man, “Go to a field across the
road, my son, pick up the largest stone you can find and bring it
to me.”
“And you,” he addressed the second man who thought his life
was beyond reproach, “go into the same field, select the smallest
stones you’ll be able to find and fetch as many of them as you can
carry!”
Both men went to perform their tasks. When they returned,
the sage looked at the stones and said, “Now listen what you do
next. Go to the field once again and place these stones back exactly
where you found them. Then come back here again.”
Both men applied themselves to their tasks again. The first
man who selected the biggest stone quickly found the place where
he picked it up and put it back there. The second man, however
hard he tried, couldn’t remember where the small stones were
scattered. Finally, he returned back to the sage without having
fulfilled his instruction.
Then the sage said, “Human deeds are like these stones. You,”
he addressed the first man, “could easily recall where the large
stone was lying, so it was no trouble to return it to its place. And
for you,” he turned to the second one, “it was an unfeasible task
because the small stones were scattered all over the field, and it
was impossible to hold all the details in your memory. In the same
way, sometimes it’s easier to repent and take a heavy load off the
soul than to get rid of thousands of small grits that have littered the
heart. Therefore, a sensible person not only avoids major sin, but is
especially careful not to commit smaller sins for they have the most
drastic consequences.”
Remember: a wise person is equally careful while tackling large

and small tasks. He/she is attentive in small things and doesn’t treat
anything as a trifle. Life consists not only of great acts — it is made up
of small deeds. If these small deeds bring happiness, life also becomes
happy. It’s like being attentive when rinsing rice or removing small
stones from cereals. Yes, these stones are very small, but it’s possible to
end up losing a tooth from biting into one of them should it happen to
get into your food.
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by Vyacheslav Ruzov
DISGUSTING LOVE?
Love is the most beautiful phenomenon in our life, but when

someone shows love in an improper way, it arouses unexpected
feelings of resentment and indignation. Think of a young couple
openly affectionate with each other in public, hugging each other, as
they ride the subway or bus. They think this is real love but because
their loving behavior is lacking in manners and thus, is improper, it
evokes aversion and indignation when you have to sit beside and hear
lip smacking and kissing sounds.
Or let’s take another example. It’s always a pleasure to see a
young couple in love, but it’s a shame to see an old man flirting with
or making approaches to an old woman. This is extremely unethical
and unbecoming, and downright unpleasant. In a nutshell, the science
of relationships teaches us about how to bring joy to each and every
person through the process of communication, which means we should
dovetail our feelings of joy with the principles of balance, science,
morality and ethics. If happiness is limited only to two persons who are
the only ones who can feel it, and everybody else sees it as suspicious
and even appalling, it’s most likely that such relationships are not just
immoral but downright sinful.
A paradoxical phenomenon is taking place nowadays: puberty
is starting earlier and earlier, yet men and women tend to marry later
and later. This brings up a question: what are they doing all this time?
A family should be created without undue delay. Suppose a five-year-
old child is unable to walk. Parents will inevitably be anxious about it.
Surprisingly, everyone is at peace with the fact that people get married
at the age of 45 instead of 25. It is actually a grave social anomaly. On one
hand, young people start their sexual intercourse before normal age;
on the other hand, they are reluctant to make families when it’s time to.
They do it when they should have had their first grandchildren… As
a matter of fact, this is a marriage between an “elderly woman” and an
“old man”, marriage between the elderly. Makes you think, doesn’t it?
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Such a decline in cultural behavior is a direct consequence of

spiritual decay. As said by F. Dostoevsky3, “revolution must necessarily
begin with atheism”. Atheism is a hope that no one will ever know what
terrible mess I made of my life. And spirituality is the understanding
that there is no way to hide anything and that we are going to fully
account for all the things we’ve done.
The Parable
On his way to the city, a man noticed a carriage. “Will you

give me a ride?” he asked a coachman.
“Sure I will but only for money,” the reply was.
They agreed on that. The man got into the carriage, and the
coachman drove off.
Hardly had they started off when a coachman spotted a wheat
stack in the field. He decided to sneak an armful or two, but being
afraid that someone would see it, he said to the fellow traveler,
“I’ll go take some wheat and you keep your eyes open. Should
anyone notice, give me a sign.”
A man heard him out but didn’t say anything. A coachman
ran to a wheat stack, grabbed a large armful and made off with
it. Suddenly his companion gave him a sign saying, “Someone has
noticed.” The coachman dropped the stolen wheat, ran scared to
the carriage and pushed the horses as hard as he could.
Having moved some distance from a place, he looked back,
but there was no one around.
“You fooled me,” he pounced on his companion. “Who saw
me picking up the wheat?”
“What do you mean — who? God saw,” replied the man,
pointing to the sky. “He is a witness to everything – didn’t you
know?”
3 Translator’s Note: Dostoevsky is a Russian novelist, short story

writer, essayist, journalist and philosopher.
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ASTROLOGY OF LOVE
From an astrological perspective, there are two stages in

intersexual relationship development. The first one falls on the period
from 10 to 17 years of age. This is the time of awakening of sexual
desire. During these years, one should learn to control one’s senses and
understand the theory of family relations, get a good understanding
of family life science. Seven years is a rather large amount of time; it is
comparable to a time span during which one gets a higher education.
By the way, the science of relationships is not as complicated as higher
math or chemistry. Here, there are only two “chemical elements” – a
man and a woman. If they come together on the basis of principles
of care, patience and fidelity, this is nectar. If they come together on
the basis of selfishness, exploitation and infidelity, the result is a social
bomb. This is all there is to it. This is the whole alchemy of family life.
Seven years is enough time to learn about it, that’s for sure.
Then starts the second period lasting from 18 to 36 years of age.
During this time, a family must be created, with all modern attributes of
daily life, children, house, a summer house, a job, cars and so on. From
37 years old onwards, negative astrological periods begin, and it’s not
the best time to start family relationships. From 37 to 52 years of age,
it is Mars that has a predominant influence on human consciousness,
and it’s not to be trifled with. The risk is too great to turn relationships
into the battlefield where each of the partners will fight for his or her
interests to the death.
Yes, the time period from 10 to 17 years of age is under the
influence of Venus, the planet of sensuality. From 18 to 36 years
comes the blessing of the Sun that gives strength to care for others and
forgo one’s own desires for the sake of happiness of family members
and close/dear ones. But starting from 37 years of age, Mars pushes a
person to think about oneself before others, focus on one’s personal
desires. One feels like protecting oneself against attempts to take away
his/her freedom. In a family life, it gives rise to a “cold war”. Briefly
speaking, one becomes internally focused, rather than focused on the
external world, but this has nothing to do with spiritual growth. This
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is ordinary selfishness that awakens inside, that same mid-life crisis, a

real plague of a modern man.
In terms of culture of behavior, selfishness shows itself as greed.
One wants to give away little and get a lot more. But there is no possibility
of cheating anyone in this world because the laws of karma watch out
for justice. As a result, one simply deceives oneself and what is more,
loses face and public respect, and this is actually an irretrievable loss.
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MALEFICENT SELF-CENTEREDNESS
When one is focused only on oneself, this is not just uncultured

behavior, but a real madness.
It can nicely be called a “pursuit of ambition”, but if I pursue my
own selfish ends, my own objectives, instead of a selfless ambition,
this is already a nasty illness. Keep in mind the following: a person
with a sense of purpose doesn’t destroy the lives and plans of those
around him/her and won’t accept the mood of “stopping at nothing”.
Otherwise, this is not a sense of purpose, but an aggressive delusion of
grandeur, socially dangerous and immoral.
And when self-centeredness reaches its peak, one is ready to go
any length for the sake of fulfilling one’s own desires. This is how motives
for committing criminal acts come into being. Any crime is a result
of self-centeredness. Hence, development of healthy consciousness is
based on relationship development in accordance with all the rules and
regulations of the subtle science of love and friendship that is based on
the principles of self-sacrifice and care.
The Parable
One day a master sent his servant to the market to buy some
fish. But the servant made up his mind to relish some spice cakes
bought with the money he would save on fish. Unfortunately, a
cheaply bought fish turned out to be rank. The master offered the
servant to choose the punishment for himself: he had to either eat
this fish, or get beaten 100 times with a stick, or pay 100 coins.
“I’ll eat the fish,” chose the servant.
He had scarcely eaten half of it when he felt sick.
“Enough, ”he said. “It’s better to be beaten.”
But after he had it for the sixtieth time, he felt he couldn’t
stand any longer.
“Stop!” he yelled. “I’m paying 100 coins.”
He ate a bellyful of rotten fish, was beaten with a stick and
was deprived of his money, as a result.
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KARMA READY TO MAKE A MATCH
“Charity begins at home but should not end there.”

(Thomas Fuller)
When two people – a man and a woman – have taken to each other,
this means that their karma is ready to become combined. However,
there is more to it than meets the eye. We can’t just up and click with
each other as soon as we meet. Such love at first sight suggests that we
not so much “clicked” as recognized each other. We were somehow
connected in our previous lives, we had some relationships; hence,
karma evokes this feeling of being attracted in our consciousness.
When we say “we’ve clicked”, this actually means that we’ve recognized
a person with whom we reached some point in our relationships in the
past but didn’t follow it through to the logical end — failed to become
mutually happy.
Therefore, people we have a liking for in this life are not those
who made us happy in the past, but those with whom we failed to
become reciprocally happy, so if we come together again, we won’t get
happy in a brace of shake, like it happens in the movies – rather, we’ll
continue the process of improving our relationships. And if we obey
all the rules of the science of relationships, we may reach perfection
therein in this life. In former times, any old woman, a grandma, could
determine whether a boy and a girl were compatible just by looking
at them. If they really continue their journey together life after life,
even their facial expressions would be the same. Such a couple looks
harmonious, as one harmonious whole. Yes, the head of a dragon is
different from its tail, but these parts together form a perfect whole.
A well-rounded, harmonious system is capable of rapid progress.
A well-made airplane or a car goes fast, a well-rounded sportsman
runs fast, even a well-built snake crawls fast. Similarly, a harmonious
family can make rapid progress and get purified fast. There are so many
problems in the families today because the system is not purified. It
became clogged up and can’t function properly. What’s the garbage
that contaminated it? This is greed, envy, pride, sloth and lust.
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The Parable
A priest and a soap-maker went out for a walk together. The

soap-maker said to the priest,
“What good is religion? Look at all trouble and misery of the
world! It is still there after thousands of years of teaching about
goodness, truth, love, justice and peace… Still there after all the
prayers and teachings. If religion is good and true, why should this
be?”
The priest said nothing. They continued walking until they
noticed a child, wearing dirty clothes, playing in the dirty gutter.
The priest then said to the soap-maker, “See that child; you say
your soap makes people clean, but see that dirt on that child. Of
what good is soap then, when though we can find it everywhere,
the child is still filthy? I now start to believe that your soap is not
effective at all.””
The soap-maker protested, «But soap cannot do any good
unless it is used!»
«Exactly» said the priest. «And so it is with religion. It is like
soap – it only works when you use it, when you live it out every day
during the whole life.»
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MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FRIGHTEN KARMA AWAY
Therefore, we should try not to frighten karma away. Even though

we may hit it off, we are still afraid to make a mistake in choosing the
Mr/Ms Right and create relationships with a wrong person, although,
as we already found out, all people we take a liking to in this life
are not exactly what we think them to be. Therefore, despite strong
feelings we may have for each other, we should be extremely careful
and attentive throughout the entire duration of our relationship. The
main mistake, accordingly, is that as we are getting closer to each other,
we start behaving less carefully and attentively, which is absolutely
impermissible, if we speak from the standpoint of science of love.
Moreover, this is one of the laws of happiness in family life: it’s being
built upon the foundation of attentiveness and consideration.
We drive along the road of life in the car of our family and if
we become distracted, even if this happens once in a lifetime, we
immediately get into an accident. One should always be extra careful
and attentive when on the road. Remember: all problems, troubles
and accidents happen at the moment when we get distracted, become
careless and inattentive.
Therefore, upbringing consists in inculcation in children of these
traits of vital importance. If parents raised a kid who is attentive, they
did all that could be done for upbringing because an attentive person
can be happy if he/she wants to. But if a person is inattentive, he/she
quickly loses happiness, even if he/she finds it.
Life in this world is very much like hunting: everyone is hunting
a beast called “happiness”, but there’s a law which says that when a
hunter lets his guard down, he becomes a prey himself. So, for example,
a mouse can sense the buildup of a smell of death on the trap, but the
smell of cheese doesn’t let it be at peace with itself. There begins an
internal conflict between the fear of death and the desire to nibble the
cheese. It thinks, “Well, I won’t eat it, I will only sniff at it.” But once the
mouse smells the cheese, it can’t stop sniffing, its nose is getting closer
and closer to the cheese, and there comes a point when it touches it –
and the trap severs its head.
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We are also walking around this world searching for happiness,

but from time to time we get attracted by forbidden happiness. There
begins an inner struggle between the intelligence and the mind. The
mind says that it’s craving that, while intelligence says it’s extremely
dangerous.
And if we are unable to control our senses and come too close
to a dangerous desire, try to “sniff ” that “redolent piece of cheese”, we
lose alertness, become inattentive, intoxicated with its aroma — and
the trap slums shut.
The Way Monkeys Are Caught
In India, this secret is used to catch monkeys. A hunter puts a

large fragrant apple in a glass jar with a narrow opening and leaves the
jar tied to a tree. A monkey comes out of the jungle triggered by the
alluring fragrance of the apple. It doesn’t hesitate to put a hand in and
grab the apple. But when it tries to pull the hand out, it gets stuck in the
neck of the jar because holding the apple makes the hand too big for
the neck. Then the hunter calmly comes out of the trees. The monkey
sees him and squeals, but doesn’t let go of a desired apple. It is caught in
an agonizing dilemma: letting go of an apple and having its hand back,
or trying over and over to pull the clenched fist holding an apple out of
the jar. The desire for the apple wins… The hunter easily throws a lead
noose around its neck, then gives the monkey a sharp tap on the elbow.
Only then does it unclench its fist because of pain, but it’s too late to
flee: it has become an easy prey for a hunter.
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SECRETS OF THOUGHTFULNESS
What is attentiveness and thoughtfulness? This is when, in the

first place, one gives one’s very best to the partner.
This is exactly what love is in the worldly sense of the word. As
soon as one begins to save his/her best for himself/herself, it means
that love is gone. Unfortunately, sometimes it happens right after the
wedding. Turns out, high feelings of love we showed for each other
during infatuation were nothing else but the product of sentiments.
Remember: my love, my goal, my cherished dream is there where I
want to give my very best.
It’s not enough to fondly hope that you know how to treat another
person – if there’s no real understanding of the laws of relationships,
all efforts in this direction will be in vain. I can buy the most beautiful
piano, a concert grand piano, white, polished, beautifully designed
with a gentle curve. But if I don’t know how to play Chopin, what’s
the use of this purchase? A woman is non-different from a beautiful
piano. A man chooses a small-waisted woman with white teeth, but
he doesn’t know how to “play”, which means there will be no music.
This is why a modern family often reminds of a flawed Chopsticks duet
piano performance.
We should come to realize what brings temporary happiness
and what brings unceasing happiness to a person. This is a science of
relationships. The ability to bring only temporary happiness is nothing
but sheer mockery. Can something that inevitably vanishes make
anyone happy? Imagine you were given a watch as a gift, but it stops
and has to be submitted to repair every single hour. This is a kind of
broken happiness. In fact, this is suffering.
Therefore, if one supplies his/her loved one only with something
transient that is bound to come to an end -- food, money, clothes – one
doesn’t make him/her really happy. Rather, it makes him/her deeply
distressed because with each gift, except joy of getting the gift, he/she
becomes doomed to the pain of separation and loss.
This points to the fact that, except perishable gifts, one should
make timeless gifts, which first and foremost, consist in thoughtfulness,
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patience, fidelity, reliability and spirituality. When one displays these

traits, this can really rejoice the heart, relieve the mind of a partner
and make him/her really happy. None of the material gifts can replace
that. One may have a powerful lot of money, hundreds of wardrobes
filled with clothes, one may heap his/her plate with food, but if he/
she has a partner who is unreliable, impatient, unthoughtful and
absolutely disinterested in spiritual growth, a house turns into prison
with prison walls made of piles of that stuff. One may cover the walls
with money instead of wallpaper and fill the house with boxes of food,
but it won’t cease to be a prison. We confined ourselves in the prison of
our own greed, chasing after material possessions instead of spiritual
development.
The phrase “material valuables” is the most deceptive phrase
in the world since matter has no real value. How can things which
obviously will perish, be of any value?
No way! Valuables can be only eternal, and thus, spiritual.
The Parable
It happened once: a great king had a wise minister in his

court. He called him one day and said to him, “Make a list of ten
great fools in my court. Make a list of ten persons, and put the
names in order: the greatest fool first, and then the second and
then the third…” And seven days time was given.
The seventh day the king asked, “Have you made the list?”
The minister said, “Yes.”
The king was curious. He said, “Who is the first?”
The minister said, “You!”
The king was annoyed and he said, “Why? You have to give
me an explanation.”
The minister said, “Just yesterday, up to yesterday, I had not
fulfilled the first place. To one of your ministers you have given
millions of rupees, and you have sent him to a faraway country to
purchase diamonds, pearls and other precious stones. I tell you that
man is never going to come back. You trusted him — you are a fool.
Only a fool trusts.”
The king said, “Okay. And what if he comes, then? ”
The minister said, “Then I will cross your name off and put
his name instead.”
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GREED, THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING
How is it possible to build a happy family if everyone looks only

after his/her own interests? And as soon as selfishness begins to destroy
family happiness, partners try to save a marriage by having more sex.
But it is unscientific, and is also a grave mistake because sex is meant
for conceiving children and not for improving relationships, all the
more so not for saving a dying relationship. To build family relations
based on sex is simply unscientific.
It is scientific to built relationships based on friendliness, mutual
protection, fidelity and thoughtfulness.
Of course, some people are born unselfish and ungreedy, and still,
this is not enough for happiness. What is needed is a combination of
required positive character traits of both spouses. A family is “putting
together” of masculine traits, such as attentiveness and self-control,
and feminine traits, such as faithfulness and contentment. This kind of
summation formula gives a successful result. This is the mathematics
of relationships.
It points to the fact that a family is first of all about cooperation,
which requires efforts on both sides. If the efforts are one-sided, which
can well be the case, the party that makes active efforts should by no
means reproach the other party for unwillingness to change and make a
reciprocal effort in response. Remember: a single-handed effort will do
good if one doesn’t hold demands and grievances against the partner.
Dinner can be cooked together, or you can cook it on your own.
But if you decided to cook yourself, don’t look reproachfully at your
spouse; don’t mutter under your breath, “I’ll tackle you”. If you got
down to something, do it enthusiastically, with the desire to bring joy
to a partner. This kind of mood will purify your consciousness and will
make your partner reflect on his/her behavior.
Feeling aggrieved while getting things done will only empoison
relationships and even the food being cooked. Don’t let grievance
poison your existence and that of others. Remember: grievance is
a poison of mind; when it appears, one ceases being a human and
transforms into a poisonous dearth cap mushroom!
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The Story
One dark night, a man walking along the road heard a cry for
help coming from the bottom of an abandoned dry well.
“Hey, what’s up?” he shouted looking into the well.
“You see, I am a linguist”, answered a voice. «On finding no
road in darkness, I got into this pit and now I cannot get out.”
“Cheer up, friend, just let me come by a ladder and a rope”,
responded the man.
“Just a minute”, cried the linguist, “you speak like an illiterate
person, furthermore, your pronunciation leaves much to be
desired. I must ask you to improve it!”
“Well, if words are more important for you than their
meaning, you’d better stay there where you are now, until I learn
how to speak correctly”, replied the man and continued his way.
So keep in mind: everyone wants to kill a poisonous snake, even

if it looks very beautiful.
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LEARN HAPPINESS BY EXAMPLES
There’s only one root cause for divorce and all other relationship
failures: one can’t make heads or tails of what needs to be done.
We should learn how to maintain good relationships from those
who managed to achieve them in their own lives. There are so
many noteworthy Vedic books discussing this subject: “Ramayana”,
“Mahabharata”, “Srimad-Bhagavatam”. However, in this day and age,
instead of being raised on deeply ethical treatises, a child receives a
substitute in the form of violence, adultery and lack of culture, and
all that sort of stuff. Kids will grow up to be like heroes they look up
to and imitate, and a modern-day superhero is Agent 007 with his
uncontrolled sexual behavior.
It’s possible to gain positive experience even by drawing
conclusions from your own mistakes. Even such a crude approach
works, enabling one to learn correct behavior. Any woman can try
an experiment to find out when it’s better to start a serious subject
with a husband: before or after meals. I’m sure that most of my readers
have a firsthand knowledge of this. You can’t allow yourself to fall into
the same trap again and again, as it runs counter to the very nature of
human reason and is ultimately ridiculous. It was king Solomon who
said, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge but whoever hates
reproof is stupid.”
Presently, while engaging in yoga, one hankers after mystic
perfections, forgetting that a positive mystic perfection is the ability
to be friendly even with enemies. If a person really grows spiritually,
he/she gradually gets the hang of it. This propensity for being friendly
with everyone around is a cut above the rest: it is greater than such
mystic powers as levitation or walking on water.
The Story
One yogi came upon another yogi in a forest and suggested

that they both take a walk on water and carry out a spiritual
discussion. The other yogi responded, “Why not fly into the air
and sit there talking?”
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The first yogi said, “I cannot do that, for the power you
mention is not one which I possess.”
The second yogi said, “Your power of remaining still in the
water is the one which is possessed by fish. My capacity of flying
in the air can be accomplished by a fly. These abilities are no parts
of real truth – they may become the foundation of self-conceit and
competitiveness, not spirituality. ”
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WALKING OUT OF DEPRESSION
Any conflict resolution specialist should know that it’s possible

to come out of depression very quickly. As soon as living environment
becomes acceptable, consciousness at once recovers and becomes
harmonized. Happiness and peace of mind return to a person. We can
draw a comparison with the spores. Spores can remain in a dormant
state for many years, but as soon as conditions become favorable and
there’s enough water, they immediately germinate and grow out. The
same is true of human relationships. As soon as we learn the ethics
of behavior and try to follow it, even the most complicated situations
become resolved and we get back to normal happy life.
All living entities in this world need favorable microclimate
for their development and growth, which means if the macroclimate
is undesirable and even hostile, but the microclimate is agreeable,
then any living entity, be it a plant, an animal or a human being, feels
quite well. Macroclimate is represented by social conditions, and
microclimate consists of family relationships. One can live through
any external troubles — problems at work, problems with neighbors,
country’s problems — if one has one’s own microclimate in which one
can take shelter, relax and rest.
A family is a place for relaxation. The very thought of my family
should make me feel warm and relaxed. At any moment, I can think of
those who love me, and it should ease the burden of external troubles.
Family life replaces meditation on love of God. Yes, we are not saints
yet, we can’t yet constantly bathe in divine love, therefore, we are given
a family structure to help us practice meditation on love. First, one
expects love in the future, then he/she wonders why there is no love,
next he/she begins to understand this is not love but the desire to gratify
one’s own mind and senses. Thus, gradually, one begins to give thought
to increasingly sublime forms of love. Thereby, one’s attention moves
into the sphere of spiritual philosophy and spiritual contemplations.
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The Parable
Once a priest came up to his parishioners after he had finished

a public prayer. He held out his hand and said: «Hello, long time no
see,» as if they had just returned from travels.
When they looked at him with grave wonder, he said, “Why
are you so surprised? Indeed, you traveled so far in your minds.
One of you did business thinking how to buy low and sell high.
Another one of you went on a journey and visited several hot
countries at once. And as soon as the prayer ended, you got back,
so I walked up to you again to say hello to you.”
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WHO TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS WITH
We should understand the principle of building relationships:

whatever our karma may be, we should behave with great caution
when entering into a relationship. It’s necessary to get to know who
exactly your partner is before you develop a real attachment to him/
her. The science of relationships requires that you get to know as much
as possible and as quickly as possible about what he/she is really like,
and it goes without saying that this should be done before you tie the
knot.
Any culturally acceptable methods can be used for this purpose:
astrological examinations, talks with relatives and friends of this
person. You need to discover all his/her good and bad points. But the
main thing is to find out whether a candidate for your permanent life
companion is willing to work on his/her character or not. If he/she has
it in him/her to make changes and refine himself/herself, then he/she
is a right person to build a relationship with, even if everything else is
not as good as you’d like it to be. If he/she shows no such desire, accept
him/her for what he/she is, without expecting anything to change.
There’s no guarantee that a partner will develop a desire to make
changes in himself/herself after the wedding — if anything, he/she will
try his/her hardest to change your mode of thinking so that you are
more tolerant towards his/her weaknesses and imperfections.
The desire to change oneself for the better is a marvel; it can’t
be evoked by physical efforts. Of course, it’s possible to start nagging,
but acting in this way, you will achieve your ambition by force, which
is far from being a conceptual solution to a problem. You’ll have to go
on and on at your spouse all the time, and at some point, it will stop
affecting him/her altogether.
Mind you: if you want your partner to change, find a person
willing to make changes to himself/herself. Don’t try to force him/her
to change after the wedding.
Women especially should give a serious thought to it since it’s
common for them to think, “If only I could marry him — I’ll get him
to change somehow later on.” No, if you want to buy a Mercedes-Benz,
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buy a Mercedes, but you won’t be able to make a Mercedes out of an

oldtimer “Zaporozhets”4, however hard you may try to tune it up.
4 Translator’s Note: The cheapest car in the former USSR. The

looks of this car resulted in several nicknames: “hunchback” due to its
shape and “big-eared” (since the car had air intake scoops on its sides
to cool down the engine in the rear of the vehicle). The car has now
turned into a collector’s item although it was once an object of ridicule
and figured in an endless series of jokes in which it confronted and
ironically bested a Mercedes.
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THE PARABLE OF SOLOMON
Once there were three men traveling together. When they took
an overnight stop, they hid all their money in the agreed place. But at
midnight, one of them got up, took the money and hid it in a different
place. When the money was found to be missing, the men began to
accuse each other of the theft. But no evidence was found, so they
decided to submit a matter to Solomon’s judgment.
After hearing the story of strangers, Solomon asked them to come
for the solution next day and began to think how to make a thief reveal
himself. Finally, when the men came to the court again, he addressed
them with the following words,
“I know you to be experienced and wise men. So I’d like you to
help me decide a suit which was submitted to me by another king.
In his kingdom, there lived a maiden and a youth who were very
fond of each other and promised to each other never to enter into a
marriage without obtaining each other’s permission.
The years passed and another young man came into the life and
heart of the girl. The parents of the girl betrothed their daughter to
a man whom she loved, but she refused to become his wife until the
companion of her youth would give his consent. She now needed to
return to her former friend to sever the agreement.
She brought with her a gift of money – a lot of gold and silver –
as a token of appreciation for their friendship, which she presented to
him.
The young man thanked her for her friendship and, setting
aside his own love for the girl, he offered her and her beloved one
his congratulations and refused to accept the slightest return for the
permission granted.
Soon afterward, as a happy couple was on their homeward way,
they were attacked by the robbers. Among the robbers, there was an
old highwayman who was not content with the gold and silver and
demanded lovemaking from a young woman.
“Wait!” she cried, “I have something to tell you.”
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The girl told the brigand the story of her life, closing with these
words, “If a youth controlled his passion for me, how much more
should you, an old man, be filled with fear of God and let me go my
way.”
Her words took effect. The aged highwayman laid hands neither
on the girl nor the money. He was moved to a point that he returned
all their gold and silver.
“Now,” Solomon continued to the three litigants, “I was asked to
decide which of the three persons from this story acted most nobly. I’d
like to have your views upon the question.
The first man had his answer already, “The girl deserves the
highest praise for she stayed true to her oath.”
The second man said, “In my opinion, the young groom is the
most praiseworthy. He was able to resist his temptation and hadn’t
touched the girl before her first groom freed her from the oath.”
“Really?” exclaimed the third one. “Most of all I’m surprised at
the thief! Not only didn’t he touch the girl — all the money that had
already been in his hands he gave back!”
Then Solomon said,
“This person speaks with so much enthusiasm about money,
which he had never seen, only heard of it; how could he restrain himself
when the real money was in his hands?!”
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LET YOUR INTELLIGENCE, NOT THE SENSES GUIDE YOU
Three things cannot be retrieved: the arrow once sped from the bow, the word
spoken in haste and the missed opportunity
(Eastern wisdom)
One should realize that when choosing a life partner, it’s necessary
to rely on intelligence, and not the senses. Sometimes our karma doesn’t
let us create a warm relationship despite the initial great outburst of
feelings. Remember: our senses are misleading instruments. Your body
shivers not only when you’re touching your beloved one — touching a
corpse or a very expensive item can also give the shivers. Hairs on the
body may stand on end not only out of love, but also because of fear
or hatred. Don’t trust your love sensation — trust the science of love
that had it all double-checked as far back as thousands of years ago.
Symptoms of death and ecstatic love are often very much alike — be
careful not to misrecognize them.
Compatibility at the level of feelings and senses only affords
ground for building relationships. But don’t expect a big miracle
from infatuation. Relationships are not being built on the miracle of
infatuation — they are being based on real self-improvement efforts,
meticulous hard work on one’s own consciousness.
Happy families don’t appear as if by magic — this is a result of
hard work of both of the partners on their own characters, on their
own hearts. Work always comes first. In other words, chemistry of
initial attraction doesn’t mean you don’t need to do anything. Quite on
the contrary, you’ll have to work on and on at self-improvement. The
only question is whether one likes to work or not. If one likes to work,
he/she will feel comfortable in any sphere, be it physical or spiritual
activity. Therefore, the primary duty of parents is to foster in children
love of work, the ability to experience joy from the process, not the
result.
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LIFESTYLE COMPATIBILITY
Before creating family relationships, we need to find out whether

we are compatible in terms of lifestyle each of us has already established
and defined for oneself as a way of life. We must understand whether
we have similar views on such issues as maintaining the household,
the balance between material and spiritual aspects of life, how much of
ourselves we are prepared to give to the family, society, God, after all;
how many children we are planning to have and how we are going to
raise them; our financial goals and issues; how much time we are going
to spend with friends; time we’ll spend sitting at home or hanging out
elsewhere; how we are going to build relationships with our relatives
etc. In other words, what am I ready to sacrifice for my partner, for our
relationships and our children?
It is stated in the Vedas that these questions need to be asked
in the very beginning of a relationship. This is a key to building a
peaceful, close-knit family. It evokes a parallel with meal planning.
If, before cooking dinner, we compile a list of groceries we have, it
will become clear what dishes we can make out of them. You can’t
anticipate a cake if all that you have is potatoes and salt. A family is
a combination of already existing possibilities and personality traits.
Your partner won’t be able to go to the store and buy for himself/
herself some more kindness, patience and the ability to understand
another person. It doesn’t happen this way. He/she consists of what he/
she already consists. So don’t expect quick changes for the better — be
thankful if he/she doesn’t change for the worse.
The law is as follows: if we manage to discuss difficult aspects
of relationships at the very beginning, we stand a chance of finding
solutions even to the most tricky conflict situations that may arise
between us. But if we postpone the discussion to the later stages of
relationships, conflict resolution will turn into an extremely difficult,
practically unfeasible task. Therefore, right-minded people choose
the soft option: they talk about complex issues early on in their
relationship. These include vital issues the discussion on which admits
of no delay. They must be talked through before the partners become
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strongly attached to each other. Otherwise, there will be fear of losing a

relationship as a result of conflict, and the family will keep silent about
the matter until they bump up against the iceberg they simply felt shy
to talk about at the proper time.
Remember: first there should be formalities and then attachment.
Crucial things first, loving sentiments next. You should love someone
you know really well, otherwise, surprises are unavoidable. Look at the
way a guy chooses what car to buy, how he scrutinizes it in detail before
buying it. He doesn’t just think about the color or the beauty of interior
upholstery – he asks the seller about gas mileage, whether the car has
been involved in accidents; he takes it for an inspection.
The most important thing about a person is not bodily beauty
but thoughts, plans and dreams of this person, the way he/she sees the
world and you in this world. Do not think things will resolve themselves
in time — this is a very dangerous illusion.
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THE REASON WHY DIFFICULTIES ARISE
From whence do family life difficulties arise? The reason is we

don’t discuss them at the beginning of our relationships. When we
get acquainted with each other, we just dedicate time to pleasure and
have fun with no strings attached. But family life is not a walk in the
park. It involves strenuous money-making, child-bearing and rearing,
home improvement, maintenance of relatives. We can’t see into our
future with all its events during dating, yet we can talk about it.
However, this is precisely what we feel shy to do at the very beginning
of relationships. And then we are surprised to discover that we have
envisaged our partner, family life, day-to-day routine and the level of
income significantly differently.
When she goes on dates, a woman doesn’t ask for money,
ornaments, clothes, food and help with housework, and a man doesn’t
reveal that he wants to play video games with his friends every evening.
They simply hide and conceal their living habits and true desires from
each other till the end, but what can be done with that later, when
the wedding knot is already tied? All that is left to do is fight for your
desires right in your own home with the nearest and dearest person in
the world. War with the closest and dearest ones – that is a lifestyle of
a modern family. Remember: those who don’t discuss day-to-day life
before marriage, are building a boxing ring instead of a family.
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A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE DUTIES
As we have already found out, the problem of a modern family is

that we fail to discuss the most important things with each other, and
these are not only philosophical ideas but expectations we have for each
other, and thus, it’s a talk about mutual duties. The most interesting
thing is that before a wedding a man tries his best to prove to a woman
that he wants to take care of her till his dying day, at the very least. But
when the wedding march sounds, he forgets his promises as if there
were no several months of courtship in his life at all. All women should
know about this particular forgetfulness of men.
For her part, a woman is very careful and undemanding before
the wedding, but after the wedding, everything changes. All of a sudden,
it appears that she has so many desires and plans that a hundred of
husbands won’t cope with their fulfillment.
She began to compile a list of her heart’s desires as early as in
preschool, having included red satin ribbons, a Barbie girl and her
childhood sweetheart Peter into it... That is a problem: we need to
understand the true desires of our partner, how he/she will behave
after the wedding ceremony; how we are going to spend the whole
life together, not just one month after the wedding. Here the rule is
as follows: those couples who discuss their day-to-day life before
wedding, create stronger, more solid and happy marriages. If you don’t
fear daily routine, it starts fearing you.
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THE WANT FOR MORE EXPERIENCE
The law of happy family life is very simple: if a child had a happy
family experience, it would be easier for him/her to build a happy family
when he/she grows up. If one had no such experience, it would be very
difficult to build sublime relationships even though one might have the
most outstanding partner and a 100 percent compatibility with him/
her. We can create only something we have seen with our own eyes,
learnt from our own experiences. But we don’t quite understand it:
we make plans for family relationships that we have never seen, that
simply don’t exist on this planet. We build castles in the air and think
they will bear up under our weight. But all we are capable of is making
a raft out of several logs.
Disappointment in love comes because both partners fail to
agree upon their expectations and plans for marriage. Let’s take plans
for having children, for example. As we have already mentioned, this
point should be discussed prior to marriage, and the couple should
reach mutual understanding on all questions concerning parenting.
They should agree on how many children are to be expected, how they
are to be raised and educated, the amount of money to be spent on
that, the amount of time each of the parents will spend with children
and their roles in children’s upbringing. The number of children and
other subtleties don’t matter, by the way — the main thing is for the
partners to reach out for mutual understanding. Even if a husband and
wife don’t want to have children, for the beginning of family life this
is absolutely normal. But: each of them should know that he/she can’t
change his/her mind on the question independently — he/she can do
it only together with a spouse, through joint decision-making. Then a
major family conflict would be an unlikely event. Pulling it all together,
it doesn’t matter which point we discuss and to what extent it looks
culturally correct, the main thing is that it should eventually suit both
partners well.
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FALSE EGO IN FAMILY LIFE
As much as we’d like to manifest our false ego, a family is an

unsuitable environment for that. We create a family because we want
to gain new freedom, new opportunities and new power. However, it is
precisely in the family life that one should always control one’s false ego
because a family represents a direct dependency on family members
and close/dear ones. For example, newlyweds may live in their parents’
house, in which case they should be subordinate to their parents as the
masters of the house. But if parents move in with the children, it is they
who should act like guests and take into account the existing house
rules.
This rule is applicable in all situations: each time I should take
into account my dependence on the existing situation and tame my
negative desire of full freedom – there is no such thing in a family and
cannot be. A family means full dependence, in which it is possible to
become happy only through desire to care for other family members
and willingness to adjust to actual circumstances. A family is a mutual
dependence, not a fight for individual freedom with a partner, parents
and children.
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FOOLERY BECAUSE OF DISCONTENTMENT
When we create family relationships, we go out of way to prove

that we grew up enough to have a serious view of life. A groom
says to the bride’s father, “I have serious intentions.” But despite all
assurances, one starts to commit fooleries, disgracing oneself and one’s
whole family. Such irrational behavior arises from discontentment.
A discontented person wants to hurt and give headache to everyone
around. The reason is that discontent diminishes when spilt over to
others.
Therefore, everyone should do their utmost to help a discontented
person and put his/her mind at rest. This needs to be done for the good
of all.
However, only those can provide help who feel contented
themselves. It’s the same as with help in family conflicts. Only those
can help resolve family conflicts who are happy in their own family life.
Most importantly, this should be mutual happiness of both partners.
If only one person is happy, this is not happiness but an abuse taking
place against the background of inflated egotism and tyranny.
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EMOTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS
To derive emotions from relationships is not a sin. Friends and

love mates can laugh together, cry together, fear, rejoice and worry
together. However, one should be careful with emotions when dealing
with the opposite sex outside of the marital relationship. In this
case, a vivid display of emotions would hint at readiness to commit
adultery. If a married man started to laugh, a woman who is not his
wife shouldn’t giggle loudly, or else, it would imply an invitation into
an illicit relationship.
In a family, a proper level of emotional exchange is very important
because a woman’s mind is nourished by emotions. Spiritual life also
consists of emotional states. A family is a system of interaction between
persons who have feelings. We not only live in one apartment, have
joint meals and make money. We share our feelings and emotions over
all events that happen around us. Emotions are the main food in the
family, and it must be pure, high-quality, expensive and sublime.
Well, What About the Monks?
Yes, monks and nuns also exist in this world. Such people don’t
believe in family happiness, and basically, they are right. Why? It’s an
interesting question. Think of the way of reasoning of a modern man.
He starts a family to become happy. It means that before creating a
family, he failed to avail himself of the external situation to achieve
satisfaction. And he hopes that in a family, things would change. But
this is counting on a miracle. A wife is practically no different from all
other women, children are born like in all other families, and at home
he creates the same atmosphere as was in the house of his parents. In
a very short period of time, he creates a perfect copy of his life before
marriage. He wants to create new happiness, but in fact, he recreates the
same atmosphere in which he failed to become happy, the atmosphere
he wanted to run away from. Why take so much trouble upon oneself
then? All in all, it is said in the Vedas that there isn’t any man who can
hundred-percent take care of a woman, and there isn’t any woman who
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can hundred-per-cent take care of a man. Therefore, for some people

it’s better to build relationships with God at once, without more ado.
A monk has a peculiar way of thinking. He believes in God but
doesn’t wait for God to do anything for him. He makes a plan, tries
to fulfill it and delights in what he receives as a mercy of the Lord. He
knows the law of relationship with God: He reciprocates our efforts in
surrender. For example, it is common for a woman to complain that
she can’t find a husband. But she’s waiting for God to find a match for
her. No — a woman should actively look for a husband herself.
How? By developing attractive personality traits: faithfulness,
patience, gratitude, readiness to tolerate any life circumstances as
arranged by fate. Remember: the solution to any life problem is through
active efforts.
Sublimity of a Life Partner
In contemporary spiritual life, very much importance is attached

to the spiritual sublimity of a life partner. However, this aspect is
obviously overestimated. Certainly, this is good when a spouse feels
attracted to spirituality, yet at the same time this is not a must-have
quality because the primary contact with God is not through the
spouse but through the spiritual master. For spiritual practice, it is more
important to have a spiritual master, rather than a spiritual life partner;
after all, we create a family not to improve our spiritual practice but to
solve our material problems. Spiritual life in itself doesn’t require that
we lead a family life.
It doesn’t matter whether one has a family or not — it matters
whether one has a spiritual master or not. A husband or a wife can
make you a fine spiritual helpmate, but he/she can’t replace a spiritual
master. Therefore, don’t put overly high expectations upon a partner.
On the other hand, one shouldn’t consider oneself a great teacher for
his/her partner capable of replacing both a spiritual master and God.
This is nothing but arrogance which shouldn’t be transferred to the
spiritual sphere.
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Yes, we want to lead the way, but for the partner to be willing
to follow, we need to manifest the qualities we’d like to see in him/
her. If you want a partner to be submissive, you should show humility
yourself. If you want him/her to be sympathetic, be a good listener
yourself. I you want him/her to spend money reasonably, get a grip on
your own desires. If you want him/her to stop arguing at the slightest
pretext, don’t contend about trifles yourself. If you want your partner
to speak soft words, don’t swear like a trooper yourself. It’s best for
family relationships when a husband starts talking to his wife in a kind
manner, and the wife affectionately answers.
Fanatic religiosity can play a trick on a person. One may begin
to think that spiritual relationships can replace social relationships.
For example, one may think that a spiritual master should provide
emotional support for him/her, but it is not the responsibility of a
spiritual master. It comes within duties of a family member. A spiritual
master inspires one in spiritual life; all other emotions one should get
from association with other members of society, mainly one’s family
members and close ones.
Sense Control in a Family
It rests with a woman to sustain the level of purity of

communication she is happy with. If she can’t establish it in her own
family, she can spend some time in the environment that corresponds
to her desires. It’s no use sitting at home crying that the husband is
thoroughly unsatisfactory. All the more so, it’s no good retaliating
through adultery. No — she should find a good company of female
friends who share her philosophical outlook and enjoy the happiness
of mutual understanding with them in her free time. A woman who
retaliates against a husband through adultery simply wants to commit
adultery; life gives her an opportunity to get good association by other
means, but she doesn’t wish to make use of these means.
A family is meant for sense control and caring for each other. If
something goes wrong in a family, the problem is in these two aspects
of family life. And remember: an astrologer shall not discuss with a
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client in what cases he/she can get divorced because a client will make
these ideas fit in with his /her situation. An astrologer can’t say, “If he
(or she) is unfaithful to you, you have every right to leave him (her)”; If
he doesn’t bring home money, what’s the use of such family life? ” This
is a direct permission for divorce, the consequences of which will be
shared between the one who has given such advice and the one who
follows it.
Interesting Tiredness
Any relationships develop under the following scenario: first, we

are interested, then, we are tired. First, we show interest in a person,
then we become tired from communication because it demands time,
money, efforts, responsibility and even commitment.
Therefore, before we decide to build relationships, we need
to make sure we really have common interests. The trap here is that
we often seek unanimity in spiritual aspects, although we base our
communication mainly on material aspects.
To what extent are we ready to talk with each other about God
all the time? By no means all are prepared for such a saintly system of
relationships. Therefore, except spiritual rapport, we need to make sure
we hold similar views on material aspects, as well.
Yes, we feel a pull toward pure and peaceful life, but we should
remember that a family is not created solely for spiritual purposes.
Satisfaction of emotional needs of both partners is also among the
objectives. It means that all principles we want to introduce to our
family life must be understood and find support from a partner, and it
doesn’t matter how lofty they are. Remember: family duties are always
the same, regardless of the level of spiritual maturity of a husband or
wife. If one of the partners spiritually progresses or devolves, their
interfamilial relationships shouldn’t change because of that.
A husband and wife are two different personalities. Differences
spark interest in relationships: we have plenty to talk about. We have a
great deal to discuss. Instead of being focused on differences, we need
to give culture of relationships a priority. If the differences are too big,
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one of the partners should sacrifice his/her interests and communicate
with a partner based on the interests of the partner. Usually, it is a
husband who should communicate with a wife based on her interests:
it will make her happy, and a husband will get something he aspired to
when he started these relationships. And that is family happiness.
Certainly, it’s best when both partners take interest in each other,
but if this is not possible, at least one of the partners should take interest
in the other. For happy family life, this will already be sufficient.
Emotional Compatibility
Only lovemaking is not enough for a partner to be willing to

love back. The secret that will make him/her sooner or later reciprocate
the feeling and return affection is in taking interest in him/her. What
matters most in a family is not sex life, but an emotional aspect of
relationships the essence of which is mutual understanding. A woman
is more interested in romantic feelings, rather than plain sex. Sex may
or may not be there, but emotional rapport in a family is downright
indispensable. Family happiness is not in the genital compatibility —
family happiness is the emotional compatibility. A woman is sensitive,
but not necessarily sexy – there’s no direct connection between these
two things. Sex will certainly take the pressure off, but it is not the
means of improving relationships.
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HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A FAMILY
Whatever personality one may have, if one takes care of a family,

one will have good family relationships. There’s no need to look at
separate personality traits – what counts most is the actual behavior of
a person: whether he/she is ready to take care of others or not.
It must be understood that in family life, the interests of all
family members should be taken into account: those of wife, children,
relatives, neighbors. It’s hard to devote equal amount of attention to
everyone, hence, the Vedas recommend taking care of the nearest and
the most senior relatives in the first place. In the next place, one can
take care of everybody else, still not forgetting the nearest and the
most senior ones. This is what makes a family person: whoever he/
she communicates with, he/she never forgets about his/her closest and
most senior relatives. Such a person can really keep good relationships
with everyone. However, this is only possible if one divides his/her
time and attention between all these people correctly.
It is said in the Vedas that one is capable of taking care of his/her
family if one has a character trait of chastity, which is though not very
popular these days. Chastity is the ability to stay focused on a goal. A
chaste person leading a pure life can decide himself/herself what goal
to focus on. One may set one’s mind to a family, a job or spiritual life. If
one wishes to change his/her life situation and focuses on spirituality,
his/her karma will be changed, and he/she will be able to escape
ugra-karma that can destroy everything in life in a few seconds only.
Therefore, morality gives so much attention to the virtue of chastity. A
chaste person is considered to be a perfect partner, a perfect worker, a
perfect member of society and a perfect friend.
Besides, according to the law of karma, if we are chaste, we’ll
always meet people with chaste behavior in our lives. But if we are
unchaste, we won’t avoid encounters with the same unreliable social
elements. Cats keep company of cats, and dogs keep company of dogs.
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WHAT IS TO BE DONE WITH ATTACHMENTS
One may have many different attachments and be quite

frustrated about that. But attachments themselves present no problem.
The problem is that we don’t know how to dovetail our attachments
with our spiritual lives, our spiritual growth. The problem is not one of
attachments, but one of inability to purify them from selfishness. All
actions we perform should be conducive to elevation of consciousness.
If, through trial and error, we learn to spiritualize our attachments, our
minds will stop getting distracted by minor unnecessary things.
Attachments demand a certain level of commitment. A sign of
weakness here is inattentiveness, which is called callousness, in terms
of morality. If a person is inattentive and thoughtless towards you, your
relationship with him/her hasn’t yet matured. Love shows itself in the
desire to enter into relationships. The law of relationships is the same
for both material and spiritual sphere. A person always reciprocates in
the way you treat him/her. God responds to us according to the way we
treat Him. A partner also reciprocates with our efforts.
A callous person simply didn’t get positive relationship experience
for a long time, probably for several lives together.
This is also ugra-karma. Such inconsiderate behavior is
indicative of the fact that one’s consciousness is in a state of sleep. As
a matter of fact, an inattentive person can be said to be unconscious,
whereas the active state of consciousness is attentiveness, accordingly.
Inattentiveness in relationships is as dangerous as on the road. Once
we become distracted, we get into an accident, and in relationships,
this is a quarrel, a row or divorce.
Despite their sexiness, spouses should understand that in order
to maintain family happiness, each of them needs personal space,
in which they can take a break from each other. You mustn’t annoy
each other all the time. Everyone needs some time for himself/herself.
Nevertheless, this tiredness from each other shouldn’t take a form of
sexual experimentation and seeing someone outside marriage. Both
a husband and wife may find emotions they get inside the family
insufficient, and hence, both of them have a right to social life, but their
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communication with people outside the family shouldn’t be sexually-
tinged, or it will result in shameful degradation. Lack of control of
sexual drive pushes one to look for ever new sexual experiences, which
leads to homosexuality and other such inversions over time.
Brihadaranyaka Upanishad describes the law of karma with
regard to sexual relationships. If a man enters into sacred marriage with
a woman for the purpose of begetting children and remains faithful to
her, the spouses get each other’s good karma and live happily ever after.
But if a relationship is not solemnized and is based on sin, a man and
a woman exchange their bad karma, which ultimately makes matters
twice as bad for them. Thereby, a man completely loses his good karma,
without which there is simply nothing to do in this world…
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LOVE MATCH
A love match in itself isn’t yet a guarantee of family happiness.

The most important thing is not to change the style of communication
as you move closer in your relationship. One needs to be attentive and
thoughtful from the very beginning. Thoughtlessness and selfishness
can easily destroy even the most perfect marriage. The Lord Himself
is never thoughtless – He is the most thoughtful Person. Therefore, if
one thinks he/she is small but is still a “God” in his/her own family,
one should act in a divine manner, which means very thoughtfully. So
even if I want to be God myself, if I do things the way God does them
— and He is very attentive and thoughtful — I will quickly get rid of
my illusion. To cut a long story short, one should make an attempt to
act like “real God” — then one will quickly be discouraged to claim to
be God any further.
The problem of thoughtlessness is a problem of the material
world. In the spiritual world, there’s no such thing as thoughtlessness.
This enables us to figure out where we find ourselves, with whom we
interact. Thoughtfulness is something that encourages improvement,
gives a boost and brings into balance. As soon as I become more
thoughtful and attentive to something, things start to go uphill in this
sphere.
The ability to direct one’s intelligence towards a goal leads to
a quick result. This is called concentration, or the ability to focus.
Good ability to focus is a very good karma that mustn’t be wasted for
nothing. If I have this ability, I’m fully aware of what’s going on in my
life, in what direction, why and how effectively I’m moving. It also
means that I’m capable of listening with full attention to a person who’s
talking to me. Attentive listening is a key to understanding a person.
If I’m listening carefully and attentively to someone, I’ll understand
this person’s desires, goals, mindset and view of the world. And this
understanding, in turn, will arouse a feeling of joy and satisfaction in
my heart. The better rapport we build in relationships, the more joy the
relationships will bring.
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SPIRITUALITY AND EVERYDAY LIFE
As a result of spiritual development, one should come to realize

the most important thing in spiritual life: God is standing right in
front of us, waiting for us to notice Him and become inclined to start
communicating with Him. But we simply ignore Him, and not only
this, but we brassily state that God doesn’t exist, prayer doesn’t work
and that spirituality is the opium of the masses. One should know that
if he/she sets harsh living standards at home, it won’t necessarily speed
up spiritual growth. One mustn’t neglect family responsibilities for
the sake of spiritual development, or one may happen to lose family
relationships before one achieves a high spiritual level. One thing
doesn’t exclude the other, the solution, as always, resides in the balance
between all aspects of human life.
But one should know that since he/she wants to find great
happiness, he/she will have to go through considerable anguish on
this path. Happiness is bound up with suffering. If you want a little
happiness, you’ll get it after suffering a little while, but if you aim at the
maximum, be ready to pay the corresponding price.
The rule is that the less selfish ambition we put into relationships,
the better they develop. And if you are spiritually advanced and your
partner is not, there’s still no need to press your point. Practice your
spiritual exercises when you are alone, but when you are with your
partner, act in such a way so as not to drive him/her mad or put
him/her out of temper. All the more so, different levels of spiritual
maturity shouldn’t be an excuse for divorce, because the real reason of
disagreement lies not in different worldviews but in our ambitions: I
want to have it my own way, want other people to think the same way I
do and appreciate everything that comes into my head, all the changes
that I introduce.
An ambitious person wants to exercise control over everything.
But it is in no way possible because the position of the absolute
controller is already occupied by God. Having control over someone
or something, by the way, doesn’t exempt from fulfilling duties. A
real controller is the one who provides real care and protection. The
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object of care feels naturally dependent, as a result. In the absence of
care, there’s no feeling of dependency. And thus, how can I manage
such a person? If a boss doesn’t pay wages, how can he/she demand
obedience and submission from a subordinate?
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THE LAW OF MONEY
The first thing that needs to be understood is the law of money.

It is simply slurred over in our time when everyone is crazy about
material well-being. Remember: money doesn’t serve anyone — quite
the contrary, everyone serves money. This law specifies the right
attitude toward financial resources. When I crave money, I want it to
become my slave and work on plantations of my desires. It means I
consider myself the master of money; but no one can become a master
of money since this place is already occupied, and it’s occupied by the
Absolute Truth.
Indeed, money finds itself near the Absolute Truth, this is why it
is so appealing and attractive. It’s not that it is attractive in and of itself
– it simply finds itself beside the True Attractiveness, has imbibed its
fragrance, shines by the light it reflects from it. Therefore, the proper
mood should be as follows: I want to serve the Absolute Truth, using
all my money in this service. Only in this state of consciousness it’s
possible to come in touch with real well-being and not to go mad.
This can be seen from the example with precious gems. Their
glitter is so resplendent you can’t take your eyes off. But it’s not their glitter
– it’s the reflected sunshine glitter. It is the sun that is so glamorous; it is
the sun that brings joy, gives health and induces a sense of well-being.
And wherein is the value of the gem? A gem can thoroughly reflect
sunlight, in all its color variances, reveal its full beauty and depth. This
is the only thing that makes a gemstone so valuable. In the same way,
money is valuable only because it represents the Absolute Truth, while
there’s nothing more valuable than the Absolute Truth. The Absolute
Truth is the wealth everyone is looking for in this world.
The Proper Mood for Getting Money
The process of getting money is a process of establishing a

relationship with it. Indeed, because the energy of money comes from
the Personality of Godhead, it has a personal nature. But our mistake is
135
that we want to subdue this energy. Unfortunately, this is not a proper
mood for establishing contact with a source of all prosperity.
It’s like subduing mountain peaks. “To subdue” means “to
possess”. A climber can’t spend more than a few minutes on a peak but
proudly asserts he has subdued it and shows off a picture of himself
on the peak, with his face benumbed with cold. This is not a conquest
— this is rape. When a man enters into a relationship with a woman
but doesn’t intend to start a family with her — this is violence against
a woman. Likewise, when one gets prosperity but does not intend to
spend it on taking care of others, on spiritual development and self-
improvement, this is also a kind of violence — violence against money,
against divine energy.
Money is an embodiment of care: its true purpose is to be spent
on taking care of others. When we don’t fulfill its will, money refuses
to fulfill our plans. Therefore, a real relationship with money starts
with respect and understanding of its purpose. If we are capable of
respecting prosperity, it will agree to start relationships with us and
may even become our friend. But it will never be our servant.
Remember: money likes those who spend it on spiritual
development and taking care of others.
Lakshmi, the Goddess of Prosperity
The energy of prosperity is called Lakshmi, and it’s a feminine

energy. Lakshmi is a goddess of prosperity and the Lord’s consort at the
same time. You can’t control Her – you can only serve Her. As soon as
I begin to serve prosperity, to serve Lakshmi, the Lord Himself takes
me under His protection. The Lord Himself protects me. The long and
the short of it, to serve money means to use it for sublime, and thus,
spiritual purposes. When we act this way, money returns to its source
and becomes happy. When money is happy, we also become happy. We
become happy when we hold this particular attitude towards prosperity.
Money is like children who got lost. When we try to claim them
as our own, we take them away from their parents. And it really hurts
everyone: the Absolute Truth, His spouse Lakshmi, other people and
136
ourselves, accordingly. You can’t become happy if you cause misery
to others. You can’t become happy if you come between children and
parents and separate children from parents. And so, we shouldn’t be
like those who abduct children (and modern-day business is very
much like kidnapping) — we should be those who return children to
their parents.
How do you think parents will treat the one who returned their
kidnapped child? Indeed, they will love such a person like their own
flesh and blood. How to get the Absolute Truth to like you? Offer Him
back the prosperity that came into your hands.
Such a state of consciousness is called yoga. Yes, exactly: the
skill to return prosperity to the Absolute Truth is called yoga, and it is
studied in the “Artha-Shastra” treatise. Yoga is not only about standing
on your head – the essence of the most difficult asana is to develop the
desire to spend money on spiritual projects rather than on oneself.
It is not difficult to understand where my consciousness is geared
at. If I spend money only on myself, I’m a deep-dyed ego-tripper. If I
spend money on a family, I’m a family person. If I give my money to
God, I’m a yogi. The secret is that one should distribute one’s income in
such a way as to feel peaceful and contented in the heart. Remember:
progress is possible only in the state of balance. Therefore, one should
divide one’s money in a balanced manner across all aspects of one’s life.
A Wife Represents Lakshmi
Family life is best suited for increasing prosperity. It is unique

in that in each family, there’s a representative of prosperity through
whom it is possible to establish contact with Lakshmi Herself. Who
do you think it is? These are all women in a family: a wife, a mother, a
sister, a daughter. The laws of prosperity are not as complicated as they
may seem: they are based on the interconnection of energies.
A man should think of how he can protect his wife, parents and
children, and a wife should think of her husband, and thus exhibit
her fidelity and piety. The secret is that when a wife thinks about her
husband, prosperity comes to him. As soon as she stops thinking
137
about him, it brings him to ruin. A husband represents the energy
of protection, therefore, when a wife thinks about her husband, her
family is protected. On the other hand, a wife represents the energy of
prosperity, hence, taking care of a wife equals to looking after overall
well-being, including one’s own.
A Woman Is the Embodiment of Prosperity
A man who doesn’t respect women is an enemy of one’s own

well-being. A woman in the family is a source of prosperity for the
whole family. When a woman is happy and satisfied, when she laughs
and gets presents, you have nothing to worry about. She is never to be
exploited. She is like a goddess of fortune Herself. This is why women
in the East wear a red dot between the eyebrows on their foreheads as
a symbol of Lakshmi.
But when someone tries to take too much advantage out of a
woman, she transforms from Lakshmi into Durga — from wealth
to punishment. This is the way ball busters and feminists come into
being. In principle, it is impossible to take too much advantage out
of a woman because her energy is that of expansion. She takes energy
from a man who acts as an accumulator by his nature, and spends this
energy on expanding potential for enjoyment. All men are enthralled
by illusion: they want to get something from women, and women, for
their part, pretend this is exactly what would happen. But as a result of
their relationships, it turns out that a woman consumes everything a
man has and makes it part of her plan.
Therefore, men, don’t even hope to have your share of family
prosperity. Everything belongs to women. A woman will make things
go according to her plan, anyway. A man would think he decided it
himself, but in reality it would be his wife’s idea, which she masterfully
brought to life, while letting her husband think of himself as a head of
a family, all-important and totally permissive. A man needs this self-
belief, and an intelligent woman lets him think of himself this way. But
all women in this world know according to whose plans all men live
— this is a women’s dark secret…
138
Man’s Rage
When a husband falls into rage, woman’s happiness vanishes. In

moments like these, she may not even recognize her husband, so much
his countenance, voice and consciousness change. It is as if the soul
comes out of the body during a fit of rage and hides behind the corner,
together with a wife and children, and the body is left to yell and
stamp feet by itself. There’s no escaping such an impression. However,
Lakshmi, the goddess of prosperity, being a woman, doesn’t tolerate
offences, so She turns her back and leaves, as soon as She gets the sense
of offensive atmosphere. Remember: if the atmosphere is offensive, not
only people will grow apart — prosperity itself will leave because the
atmosphere of prosperity is tranquility and peace. Offensive attitude is
not just a negative atmosphere — it’s the atmosphere of hell. A modern
man thinks he will have an oil-filled hot tub with his drinking pals,
and devils will serve him cold beer. No, the problem of hell is not that
it’s too hot or too cold there — the problem is in that everyone hates
and humiliates each other all the time. All inhabitants of hell exchange
abuses, fight, kill and inflict pain on one another in every imaginable
way. Now, that’s real hell! And that’s quite a punishment! Such insulters
simply “gather together in one caldron” hating one another to death.
But there is no death in hell – it’s impossible to die there; one has to
exercise patience with one’s enemies who are also deathless: they can’t
even be killed…
I only want to say one thing: don’t make your own family life feel
like hell. Be understanding and tolerant towards each other. Amicable
atmosphere nourishes the heart and attracts prosperity, and what else
do we need in this world?
Beauty as a Token of Prosperity
The goddess Lakshmi is very beautiful, She is attractiveness

personified. Therefore, the primary task facing all men is to provide
all women in their families with the opportunity to be beautiful.
Remember: beauty attracts prosperity. Men by their nature don’t bother
139
their heads about beauty, can’t live beautifully themselves, hence, they
should let women look after beauty. They know how to do it, simply
don’t interfere with them, don’t say this is very expensive. Beauty
requires sacrifice, but it doesn’t go in vain: the goddess of prosperity
comes shortly after and makes up for spending.
At home, everything should be nice and beautiful: children,
parents, husband, wife, the house itself and even domestic animals.
This will make it attractive for prosperity who doesn’t like filthy stinky
dwellings. Make your home nice and clean, and prosperity will be glad
to stay there, but remember: She can leave at any moment. As soon as
we become lazy and neglect the cleanliness of our homes, She packs
Her belongings She handed over to us for a while, and goes away.
Remember: everything you have in your home belongs to Lakshmi,
your guest, and She may take it away at any point in time. The goddess
of prosperity is a source of all cleanliness and purity. In this world, She
is represented by a lotus flower. People pick up lotus flowers in bulk,
and lakes with lotuses have to be enclosed with barbed wire fences. But
it doesn’t make people rich — it speaks for their deformed thinking.
Seniors Are the Embodiment of Prosperity
If women in a family represent the Lord’s consort Lakshmi, which

family members represent the Lord Himself? Yes, exactly, these are all
the seniors. If senior people are shown no respect, stable well-being is
not to be expected. Hence, respect for seniors is the main quality to be
inculcated in children in the process of upbringing. This will enable
them to achieve success in any sphere they choose for themselves.
Whatever they apply themselves to — if they respect seniors in that
sphere, their success will be imminent.
In fact, this is a secret to prosperity. This single phrase will suffice
to teach a person about prosperity, and there’s absolutely no need for
lots and lots of useless guidebooks book shop shelves are stacked with.
Of course, seniors are not only people advanced in age. This
category includes parents, seniors in terms of spiritual advancement,
position, qualification, seniors in age, teachers, guardians of order,
140
those who hold managerial positions or are simply endowed with a
certain responsibility (e.g. consierge managers). But the main thing
is that seniors should impart knowledge of truth to juniors. This is
their main responsibility. Keep in mind that through proper hearing
of seniors one gets not only knowledge of truth, but also prosperity.
But if one doesn’t like to hear moral teachings, not only does one lose
knowledge — one deprives oneself of luck hidden in the words coming
from above.
The Story
Once, in Their abode in the spiritual sky, Lakshmi and Her

husband Narayana — the Absolute Truth — got into an argument.
The point at issue was: what do people value most: wealth or truth?
They came down to the world of men and approached a guesthouse
where a sage was asking the owner to let him stay overnight. The
guesthouse owner readily agreed, moreover, he told the sage not to
worry because he would give this room to no one else, not for any
money.
After a little while, Lakshmi came to the guesthouse owner
and offered 1000 rupees for the room, and the owner asked the
sage to move out. The sage said, “But you yourself have promised
that you won’t expel me for any money!” “But I didn’t expect to
be offered that much,” said the owner. Thus, Lakshmi won the
argument…
Respect for the Wealthy
And don’t forget that if you respect a rich person, and don’t feel
envious of him/her, their good karma is transferred to you. But if you
are envious of a rich person, your good karma is transferred to him/
her. Why should we respect rich people? It seems that oftentimes they
are not so noble in their conduct… But we should understand why
someone becomes wealthy — this is a result of a great number of good
deeds this person did in the past. Regarding how one will handle the
fruits of his/her actions, it must be understood that everyone goes
through their own set of trials, and not everyone copes with them.
141
Many people fail to stand the test of trial. It doesn’t feel so easy to go
through the mill in this world.
The Story
One man overheard that money attracted money. He went to

the bank and threw a dollar into the heap of cash. And he began to
wait. He waited, but nothing happened. “What in the world are you
waiting for, good man?” a banker asked him.
“I came to the bank to see how money attracts money.”
“So now you can see,” said the banker, took the cash and went
away.
Remember: prosperity respects those who have respect for

seniors. It means that family people should never feel envy towards
richer families, criticize them or scold in the presence of children. A
family that shows envy follows the downward path of degradation. A
family that shows respect is on the upward path of progress. On the
whole, it doesn’t matter what level of prosperity we’ll reach — the main
thing is that we follow the path of development and progress.
142
SERVICE TO OTHERS
Money becomes happy when it is used in the service of others.

As long as I serve others, money is happy, and I prosper. But when I
start serving myself, want people and money to serve me, I inevitably
grow poor. Money will never serve me, it will go away; it cannot be
comfortable with the slavish position. Even small children leave home
when parents begin to think that children are their slaves. No, children
are given to parents for service. Service to children includes feeding,
dressing, teaching, raising, entertaining them. If parents serve their
children and don’t exploit them, in old age, their service will return
to them in the form of prosperity. Children will simply feel compelled
to support their elderly parents. Therefore, remember: service always
brings on prosperity.
Transition from advancement to degradation is called pride, and
it doesn’t last long. Pride in prosperity is assurance that wealth is a
sign of intelligence. No, the sign of intelligence is not to take pride
in wealth, but to know how to direct wealth toward spiritual goals. A
truly wealthy person is the one who knows the proper way to spend the
earned money. One should learn the science of spiritual spending from
such a person. Wealth used in that way purifies, elevates, spiritualizes
one’s consciousness and makes one happy.
Selfish pursuit of affluence aimed at self-gratification is a disease.
Indeed, when I love another person — this is beautiful, but when I
love myself — this is shameful. Selfish rush for wealth is infectious – it
captures the whole consciousness and throws it off balance. Therefore,
one should learn the right way to spend money first off, and only
then one should learn how to make money. This is a vaccine against
selfishness, and parents should inoculate their children with it in the
process of upbringing.
In conclusion it must be said that the goddess of fortune is
absorbed in love of God, which means if we also love God, She will
take care of us like members of Her family.
143
“My Wife Is a Goddess”
Table of Contents
Introduction about the Author..................................................................4

Introduction.................................................................................................6
How to Become a Good Person?...............................................................7
The Magic of Love.......................................................................................8
Forms of Improper Relationships.............................................................9
Life Is a Constant Search for a Balance...................................................11
Physical Aspect..........................................................................................12
Social Aspect..............................................................................................13
Intellectual Aspect.....................................................................................14
Spiritual Aspect..........................................................................................16
Practical Tips and Recommendations....................................................19
Compatibility Is a Word Of Art...............................................................21
Time for Deliberation...............................................................................22
Time to Get Married.................................................................................23
Five Levels of Consciousness...................................................................25
Advice on Compatibility Issues...............................................................31
If You Want Happiness, Some Words are Better Left Unuttered.........31
Communication Means Holding Discussions.......................................33
A Wife Has a Right to Her Own Opinion..............................................35
Acknowledgement of One’s Fault............................................................37
Small Age Difference.................................................................................39
Clear Understanding of One’s Duties.....................................................41
“What the Old Man Does Is Always Right” Fairy-Tale........................43
Astrology of Compatibility.......................................................................48
Happiness Comes Through Relationships.............................................51
The Difference Between Feminine and Masculine Ways of
Thinking.....................................................................................................52
Gana: Direction of Thinking....................................................................53
Compatibility from the Perspective of Bengali Palmistry....................53
Practicality as a Style of Life.....................................................................55
Prosperity Compatibility..........................................................................60
144
Emotions Vs. Result..................................................................................63
A Man or a Child?.....................................................................................66
I Want Happiness......................................................................................68
A Glimpse of Karmic Consequences......................................................71
Responsiveness Assessment.....................................................................72
The Body as a Microscope........................................................................75
Comparative Anatomy..............................................................................77
Service to My Soul.....................................................................................79
How to Raise Your Consciousness..........................................................80
Material Happiness....................................................................................81
A Social Miracle.........................................................................................83
Well-Wishers..............................................................................................84
A Tasteful Family.......................................................................................85
Ways Love Relationships Arise................................................................87
Is There Any Problem?..............................................................................89
A System of Relationships........................................................................92
Disgusting Love?........................................................................................95
Astrology of Love......................................................................................98
Maleficent Self-Centeredness...................................................................99
Karma Ready to Make a Match.............................................................100
Make Sure You Don’t Frighten Karma Away.......................................102
Secrets of Thoughtfulness.......................................................................104
Greed, The Cause of Suffering...............................................................106
Learn Happiness by Examples...............................................................108
Walking Out of Depression....................................................................110
Who to Build Relationships With.........................................................112
The Parable of Solomon..........................................................................114
Let Your Intelligence, Not the Senses Guide You................................116
Lifestyle Compatibility............................................................................117
The Reason Why Difficulties Arise.......................................................119
A Few Words About The Duties............................................................120
The Want for More Experience..............................................................121
False Ego in Family Life..........................................................................121
Foolery Because of Discontentment.....................................................123
Emotions in Relationships.....................................................................124
145
Sublimity of a Life Partner.....................................................................125
Sense Control in a Family......................................................................126
Interesting Tiredness...............................................................................127
Emotional Compatibility........................................................................128
How to Take Care of a Family................................................................129
What is to Be Done With Attachments................................................130
Love Match...............................................................................................132
Spirituality and Everyday Life................................................................133
The Law of Money...................................................................................135
The Proper Mood for Getting Money...................................................135
Lakshmi, The Goddess of Prosperity ...................................................136
A Wife Represents Lakshmi...................................................................137
A Woman is the Embodiment of Prosperity.......................................138
Man’s Rage................................................................................................139
Beauty as a Token of Prosperity.............................................................139
Seniors are the Embodiment of Prosperity..........................................140
Respect for the Wealthy..........................................................................141
Service to Others.....................................................................................143
Table of Contents.....................................................................................144
Annex (Information about the Schools)..............................................147
146
ANNEX (INFORMATION ABOUT THE SCHOOLS)
Vyacheslav Ruzov is the founder of the International Educational

Center for Consulting Technologies (IECCT) www.mockt.ru and the head
of the “Balance Club” (Moscow) undertaking a variety of projects to address
cultural, educational and spiritual needs. Personal website of the author www.
ruzov.ru
The International Educational Center for Consulting Technologies

(IECCT) (official site www.mockt.ru) under the guidance of Vyacheslav
Ruzov implements the following educational programs:
“ATRO-VED” School of Bengali Astrology, Palmistry and Numerology

http://astro-ved.ru/ including the Course on Medical Astrology http://astro-
ved.ru/master-kurs-po-meditsinskoy-astrologii/;
“Our Family” Educational Advisory Center http://nasha7ya.info/
for psychology of family relationships and “Our Children” School http://
nasha7ya.info/catalog2.aspx?mid=170&rid=211 for developing a deeper
understanding of how to raise a child to be a person of culture, a truly wise
educated person;
“Business School of Responsible Leadership” http://lider-school.info/
index.html nurturing proper teambuilding and teamwork skills;
“Vastu School” http://vastu.mockt.ru/ teaching Vedic architecture, the
Vedic art of harmonization of space;
“School of Lecturers” http://lector.mockt.ru/ teaching the art of public
speaking;
“Lilamrita” Odissi Dance School http://odissi.ruzov.ru/
147
Other useful links:
“BALANCE-TV” http://www.balance-tv.ru/ is the 21st century television

based on the values of healthy living, spirituality, cleanliness and righteousness.
Cultural and spiritual programs are meant to raise the consciousness of the
viewer. Acknowledged experts in the sphere of spiritual uplift are there to give
you their nice association and provide tips for expanding your consciousness.
“The Himalayas” Radio http://himalaya24.ru/, along with “BALANCE-

TV”, covers all the aspects of personal development and helps you to improve
your life balance.
“Balance Club Lectorium” http://www.lectorium108.ru conducts series

of educational and training seminars to inspire quest for life’s purpose.
http://www.dobro-shop.com/ — online shop where you’ll find hundreds

of books, lectures, seminars and other “kind” goods available for purchase.
“Brahma-Shakti” brain-boosting system http://www.ruzov.ru/catalog2.

aspx?mid=1&id=239
Contact us:
info@ruzov.ru
Skype: ruzov.ru
The Balance Club — USA branch (San Diego, CA)

https://balanceusa.wordpress.com/
The Balance Club is the place where you can find out about principles
of building family and relationship, health and prosperity, inner peace and
spirituality, culture and karma.
Club has FREE membership. We invite everyone to join us for
discussions on the topics of interest, live and on-line.
148
Vyacheslav Olegovich Ruzov is widely known in
Russia and abroad as the writer who has published
more than 30 book studies of the soul, search of goal
of life, purpose of man, happiness, love and lofty
relationship. In these works, he uses his unique
experience of the traveler who has made numerous
research expeditions to the Himalayas and other
mystical places of the world.
Thousands of listeners called Vyacheslav Olegovich

master of metaphors due to his amazing ability to
connect incompatible ideas and images into one.
Some consider him the genius of paradox who can

masterfully lead his audience to unexpected
conclusions.
Vyacheslav Olegovich has a unique style of lecturing.

He makes complicated things simple; his lectures are
easy to understand and have a trace of humor.
They are interesting for everyone without exception,
irrespective of one’s education and social status.
He has given thousands of lectures and seminars in
Russia and abroad and has never repeated himself –
this fact is a miracle by itself.
Ruzov is the international brand created more than

20 years ago.
One can say that lectures of this author, books, CDs,

“OUR FAMILY” festivals, School of Lecturers
and the “ASTRO-VED” Astrology School — everything
produced by Ruzov and his “BALANCE” CLUB
has a certificate of quality.
In order to get to know India’s cultural and spiritual

heritage, Vyacheslav Olegovich visits it every year;
there he studies ancient Vedic knowledge of the laws of
the world order under the guidance of sages.
Vyacheslav Olegovich shares it generously with his
audience. The most renowned subjects of his lectures
are prosperity laws, creation of a successful and happy
family, and also spiritual development of a person.
RUZOV.RU

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MY WIFE IS A

GODDESS by Vyacheslav Ruzov

Working of miracles is a prerogative of God, not a human.

(COMPATIBILITY BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN

Working of miracles is a prerogative of God, not a human.

Translated by Katsiaryna Lapitskaya (Belarus)

Copyright ©2015 V.O. Ruzov. All rights reserved. Any

Vyacheslav Ruzov is a lecturer, writer, philosopher, psychologist

These lectures are intended for studying relationship problems

HOW TO BECOME A GOOD PERSON?

Yes, we really want to build good relationships with everyone,

THE MAGIC OF LOVE

As a matter of fact, love is at the level of a miracle, hence it can

FORMS OF IMPROPER RELATIONSHIPS

In fact, the wrong attitude to living beings, or rather, the wrong

Unsuffered karma doesn’t disappear even for ten million

LIFE IS A CONSTANT SEARCH FOR A BALANCE

Throughout life, one should harmonize relations in the following

I need to expand my consciousness to gain an understanding

Looking after the physical aspect enables one to develop

only the condition under which development can go on quickly and

The social aspect is also indispensable for quick development. If

The principle of properly built relationships is the following: one

There’s a story about one famous person named Panchanan.

The conclusion is: don’t memorize who was running around

The intellectual aspect of development of consciousness is

become cynical, not to give up on life, people and spiritual growth. If

possible if we remember about it before meeting our relatives. Evening

Finally, there remains a spiritual aspect to be considered. We

spirituality, it sets the highest standards since it presents us with the

About a thousand years ago, a Muslim ruler came to India

What does it have to do with family dispute resolution? A lot,

PRACTICAL TIPS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

COMPATIBILITY OR CHARACTER TRAITS

If we delve into relationship issues, first and foremost it must

COMPATIBILITY IS A WORD OF ART

Compatibility is a term of art used by astrologers, psychologists,

TIME FOR DELIBERATION

It is common knowledge that potential marital partners

TIME TO GET MARRIED

But let’s get back to the beginning of confrontation. It’s

FIVE LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

And now let’s familiarize ourselves with five levels of development

This is when the consciousness of a person aspires to cleanliness.

Cleanliness has to do with family purity, in the first place. Purity

The level of dharma is awareness of one’s duties and

miracle is that at the level of dharma, even actions based on coming in

for handling that challenge. Therefore, we all crave tranquility and

As a result of spiritual quest, one begins to realize that he/she

After developing a proper attitude towards living beings, one

When I was young, I saw the deficiencies in world arrangement.

We’ll be able to develop right relationships if we understand

ADVICE ON COMPATIBILITY ISSUES

If You Want Happiness, Some Words Are Better Left Unuttered

As we all know, all too often, when starting a family, we pay no

“Bang!” — and heart-searching done under family supervision

COMMUNICATION MEANS HOLDING DISCUSSIONS

Therefore, remember: communication is a skill of holding