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333 Campaign Frame Ideas
 Table of Contents
ϟ Foreword 1 ν Eating from the Trash Can 42
α Take It Personally 2 Ideological Objectives
Personal and Family Objectives ξ Show Business for Ugly People 46
β An Occulted Underground 4 Political Objectives
Local Objectives ο International Incidents 50
γ Spite and Satisfaction 7 Geopolitical and Travel Objectives
Vindictive Objectives π Devil’s Substitute for Joy 54
δ A Good Offense 12 Entertainment, Music, and 101001101
Objectives
Defensive Objectives
ρ All in the Game 59
ε In It to Win It 16
Criminal Objectives
Competitive Objectives
σ These are their Stories 61
ζ Good Intentions 18
Police, Legal, and Blue Line Objectives
Altruistic Objectives
τ Empirical Method to the Madness 64
η Play Stupid Games 21
“Scientific” and Medical Objectives
Idiotic Objectives
υ Opioid of the Masses 67
θ A Material World 24
Religious Objectives
Acquisitive Objectives
φ Reject your Reality 71
ι Moderation in Moderation 25
Phantasmagorical Objectives
Indulgent, Mak Attax, and Ordo
Corpulentis Objectives χ This is my Magick 76
κ Beast with Two Backs 30 Adept Objectives
Venereal and Sect of the Naked Goddess ψ Play the Role 77
Objectives
Avatar Objectives
λ Weirding at the Water Cooler 35
ω Imperceptible Ecclesiasts 81
Corporate, Retail, and TNI Objectives
Invisible Clergy Objectives
μ Dark Sarcasm in the Classroom 40
ϡ Rejected Ideas 84
Scholastic Objectives
 Ϟ: Foreword

I really like reading the Unknown Armies books.

I especially enjoy campaign frame ideas.
Remember the stage magicians one from 2E?
That was based.
Based is what the kids are saying these days.
Campaign frame ideas are based.
Not that they’re really needed per se.
I would play a campaign that was just doing a cork board every week.
With core concepts cobbled together from random Wikipedia articles.
But still, campaign frame ideas are cool.
So I thought I should write some.
Perhaps 333 of them.
This was a terrible idea.
It was too many.
But I did it.
And here they are.
I should note here that obviously the ideas are subject to the influence of my personal interests, knowledge
areas, sources of information, biases, misapprehensions, and personal demons.
Your mileage will vary.
Some will seem lame, half-baked, or ill-advised.
Some will be pretty pretty good.
There’s 333 of them, what do you want from me?
I am only one man.
So far.
I hope you enjoy.
Someone else should do this.
And suffer, as I have.

David Tormsen
Kaohsiung, 2020

1
α. Take It Personally
Personal and Family Objectives
1. Fractured
Each of you awaken in a filthy apartment with
scattered memories, staring at copies of your own
bamboozled faces.
Are you clones? Which one is the original? Or are
you aspects of a single person, split into new
bodies?
Deal with that later, someone just came through
the door holding a gun.
2. Clone War
A failed ritual sees you facing down gender-
swapped, morally reversed clones of yourselves,
who have made it their mission to foil your plans.
You need to get rid of them, but you can’t kill them:
like Skeksis and Mystics, if one of you dies their
counterpart succumbs as well. You need to break
up their Mirror Universe cabal while maintaining a
united front, or they’re going to be shadowing you
forever.
3. Technically You’re All Life Support
You’re all proxies of your cranky old wizard
great grandpa, currently comatose with the rest of
your estranged family getting tired of paying for
life support. You need to somehow break the proxy
before the old bastard carks it, or one of you could
easily die instead of him.
4. You Cried Wolf.
Mother said you if you were ever under threat,
you could call on her. But you abused it, and she
said she was cutting the apron strings.
Now you actually are in trouble, way more trouble
than you can handle, and she is ignoring your
invocation. You need to figure out how to get her
to forgive you before it’s too late.
5. Debts of a Deadbeat Dad
You never really knew your father, or each other,
though each of your names is an anagram of his.
He’s dead, and apparently that means you owe a
debt to some scary people, and it's not necessarily
financial.
6. The Tree Is Kinda Racist
It was Grandmother’s dream to have her ashes
scattered to nourish the trees she loved so much.
This was a ruse, when you honored her wishes a
great oak tree burst from the ground and cussed at
you. She had a mean streak.
Despite her antiquated social views and literally
prickly personality, you all love Meemaw Tree, but
now the logging company is moving in. Rumor has it
there’s a logger with blood in his eyes and an
enchanted chainsaw.
2
 α. Take It Personally

7. Good Bye, Gibson! He demanded to be embalmed at the Lenin Lab in

Moscow and exhibited in a mausoleum. His union
Before he went into his coma, your great uncle
buddies are dealing with the latter, but you’re on
loved him some cyberpunk dystopia fiction, even
corpse duty.
turning out some stories of his own as a young man
which you cherished despite their low quality and Never mind getting his carcass on a plane, first
gratuitous sex scenes. He’s awoken for the first time you need to get him out of the crematorium…
in decades, but he’s dying. He’s in high spirits,
9. Zoomers vs. Helicopters
excited to experience “the real Blade Runner world”
of this futuristic year. Your parents fought in the Whisper War and
now they’re absolutely terrified for you all the time,
As the cyberpunk dystopia we actually live in is too
paranoid shushing assassins and creeps in yellow
lame and boring, you have decided to use
raincoats lurk around every corner.
everything in your powers to fabricate a convincing
cyberpunk environment so he can die entertained. They use technological and occult means to keep
track of where you are, what you’re doing, who
8. Vlad, Ho, Mao, Kim, and Luigi
you’re with. You’re tired of it.
Your great grandfather was the founder of a
You’ve found a way to communicate without them
plumber’s union and accomplished wizard, leaving
overhearing, now you need to figure out a way to
instructions bound with threats of retribution from
keep them off your back permanently, so you can
beyond the grave.
make your own bad decisions.

3
 β: An Occulted Underground
Local Objectives
10. Hold the Line
The balance of power kept the peace in your
local occult underground for decades, but the
sudden and suspicious death of an old duke has
prompted a free-for-all struggle for supremacy.
Discretion is out the window, and it’s only a matter
of time before the Sleepers interfere, or the Tiger
wakes.
Your cabal minions are champing at the bit to
enter the fray, but you need to hold them back,
convince them not to engage. If you can wait this
out, your rivals should destroy or weaken each
other enough you’ll be able to crush the survivors
and take over this town.
11. Moggy’s Compound
They say back in the day Cute Moggy was the
most powerful duke in town, but tragedy, betrayal
and heartbreak led her to cut ties with the occult
underground and hole up in a compound in the
hills, heavily armed and guarded by bear traps
and vicious hive mind chipmunks.
Now all her friends and enemies are dead or
burned out, yet she lingers up there stewing on the
wounds of the past. You are part of the new
generation, but you need an edge to survive.
The plan is to go up there, win her trust, and learn
from her, without getting your heads shot off in the
process.
12. Pod People
The island paradise you call home was never the
same after the dolphin-channelling guru and his
cult moved in. Now people are acting crazy, biting
each other in fights, obsessed with Frisbees, and
laughing, laughing, laughing. Can your merry
band of island misfits break the spell?
And what is that Japanese boat doing?
13. Turpentine, Acetone, Benzine
In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to
bring a beloved cartoon character into reality, but
you didn’t expect them to use cartoon logic and
hammerspace to institute a reign of terror over your
local occult underground. You’re taking the flack
for it, so it’s up to you to erase them.
4
 β: An Occulted Underground
14. Marriage Alliance
Decades of conflict are coming to an end with a
wedding alliance between Sebastian Setter, son of
True King Knut V of Minneapolis, and Luke Carrey,
son of Le vrai roi Pig’s Eye XI of Saint Paul.
It is a love match the two sides have latched onto
to prevent further bloodshed, and the couple are
planning to renounce their inheritance by following
the path of Urbanomancy, allowing their adopted
child to be groomed to inherit a True United
Kingdom of the Twin Cities.
Tensions between the two sides remain high, and
there are both scheming outsiders and seditious
Bloomingtonians opposed to this union.
You are the wedding planners, security experts,
and soothsayers charged with making sure the
wedding goes off auspiciously and without anyone
getting killed in the process.
15. Empty Fort Strategy
You are members of a militia cabal which has
managed to piss off TNI something fierce, and you
know they’re coming for you. What they don’t
know is you know exactly when they’re coming for
you. They could wipe the floor with you and there
is nowhere to run, so instead you’re going to psych
them out.
You need your guys to act relaxed, confident and
belligerent when TNI runs surveillance, to make the
raincoats think you have some trick up your sleeve.
Abel is paranoid, he might call the whole thing off
if he suspects a trap.
Right now, you just need to figure out how to get
your crew to chill the fuck out.
Maybe convincing them you actually do have a
secret weapon will help.
5
 β: An Occulted Underground

18. Desegregation
16. Chasing Teddy Bears
You’re in the Deep South in the civil rights era,
Australia’s famous ‘Big Things’ are pretty much
and like everything else in this town, the occult
the country’s excuse for mystically resonant sites.
underground is segregated.
The Big Banana in Coffs Harbour, New South
But maybe not for long.
Wales has been under the control of a clan of
sorcerous bogans for the last half-century, but with The recent truce between the white Cunningham
the death of their patriarch they have fallen to Cunning Men and the black Freeman’s Knot in
infighting. order to clear out the tenebrae infestation at the
drive-in led to the formation of some begrudging
This is your chance to seize control of one of
respect, and there have been suggestions of a
Australia’s most powerful Cliomantic sites, but
formalized truce.
you’re not the only cabal gunning for it.
As proprietors and staff of the town’s Chinese-
17. Venetian Embassy
owned general store and restaurant, your property
You are courtiers in the chess-themed court of the has been chosen as neutral ground for a summit.
True Queen of the Italian town of Conegliano.
The Klan has got wind of this and will probably try
This year’s Dama Castellana, an annual local to interfere, but the I Ching is saying, “Stepping on
tradition introduced to strengthen your sovereign’s the tiger's tail, scared, scared. Eventually good
legitimacy, was attacked by a cabal of fortune.”
Urbanomancers from Padua calling themselves the
Figli di Petruchio, who desire to turn your Queen
into a subservient ruler.
They are too strong to attack directly, so a plan
has been formed to go south beyond their
territories to Venice in an embassy to the powerful
but elusive Re dei piccioni to propose an alliance
to attack the Paduans from both directions.

6
 γ: Spite and Satisfaction
Vindictive Objectives
19. Wicks
They took your dog, a beautiful and sweet
Newfoundland who weighed 200 pounds, and
they killed her and turned her into an Unspeakable
Servant.
There are plenty of cows in town, they did this
deliberately just to hurt you.
You’re going to hurt them, and put poor Lexy out
of her misery.
20. Word to the Wise
Your neighborhood was a hive of jealousy, back-
stabbing, adultery, and spite until the Wise family
moved in.
So happy, so well-adjusted, so wholesome, they
cast a shadow of positivity across the whole
community. It has infected those around you, and
you can feel the change inside yourselves.
They must be destroyed. Not killed, death will
merely immortalize them. They need to lose their
shine.
21. Kill Croc
The notorious 20-foot-long alligator known only
as Croc killed and ate your loved ones, but the
police have ruled it misadventure and the media
are treating it as a Florida Man joke just because
they were engaged in some petty criminal activity
when they were attacked.
And they’re not the only ones to get attacked,
burglars have been chomped all over town.
Someone is using Croc to engage in a campaign
of vigilantism in the local community, and they must
be stopped.
22. Magick-Eating Cyka
It’s the 1990s, the Soviet Union has fallen, and
Russia is a land of opportunity for fast money
making and occult shenanigans.
But there is that idiot shit thaumophage in the
middle of Red Square that is making everyone’s
lives difficult.
If you can figure out how to kill it, all of Moscow
will be showering you in Coca Cola.
7
 γ: Spite and Satisfaction
23. Bastard Isn’t Dead, He Just Doesn’t Exist
Decades ago, your enemy used a ritual to
literally disappear from the universe.
They are not dead, just absent, and you know they
will return this year, you just need to figure out
where and when.
24. Gatekeepers
Your town used to have a thriving arts and music
scene, until a sociopathic Sociomancer made their
way from subculture to subculture, draining them of
vitality and leaving the wreckage fractured and
squabbling.
Each of you has seen your social groups smashed
underfoot by the Egregore, and you have banded
together to wreck a terrible revenge.
The solution: form a new and symbolically potent
fan scene as a mystical trap to ensnare the
Sociomancer forevermore.
25. Assisted Living Fascist
He should be dead, but you’d recognize him
anywhere.
Erich Kunze, the Nazi Phobomancer who has
haunted your dreams for decades, here in your
nursing home.
He is using his dark forgotten magick to scare
patients and staff to death, thereby stealing their
lifespan and clinging to life.
He takes no notice of you, you are all too old to be
worth his while. The years have weakened you, but
not your hate.
26. Grand Larceny
It took blood, sweat, tears, and worse for your
cabal to finally get a Major Charge, but before
you could change the world, someone stole it, and
broke it for a measly ten Sigs.
You’re out for revenge first and another damn
Major charge second, but you think you can get
them both at the same time.
27. Cancelled
You are critics of an unrepentant spreader of
fake news (and Infomancer) on social media, and
they’ve used Major Charges to turn all of Twitter
against you.
You’re not banned, but your followers have
dwindled and your menchies are toxic. You’ve slid
into each other’s DMs to plan the perfect revenge.
28. Revenge of the Bay
In 1994, two violent LA cabals invaded San
Francisco and cut a swath of destruction through
the Bay area.
The Sternos and Fellowship of Bad Traffic turned
on each other with Sleeper prompting, but the
squabbling former allies were not completely
exiled from the city until 2010.
After a decade of rebuilding, the revived San
Francisco occult underground is militant and
seeking restitution for the sins of the past.
It won’t be enough to destroy your two old
enemies, you’re going to take LA.
29. Lord of Destruction
Once you all had lives. They may not have been
perfect, but you were happy. Until the
Annihilomancer Mikey Molotov came along and
he took your lives apart piece by piece, leaving
you alone and destitute until you found each other.
Mikey calls himself Shiva now, and has used the
major charges accrued from ruining you to form a
cult living in faux agrarian simplicity and
constantly terrified of exile (a regular cruelty by
which Mikey removes annoyances and gains new
charges).
You need to prove to his followers that he isn’t a
Chosen of God, just a rat bastard, and ruin his life
as he ruined yours. Careful though, if he has any
Major charges left still has enough power to level
city blocks.
8
 γ: Spite and Satisfaction
30. Blinky Must Die
You are cheerleaders for the East Dorset
Boomerangs, and more significantly you represent
the valkyrie/amazon defenders of the Omphalos
Battlefield.
But there is some kind of interloper in the Paragon
Place. The new mascot Blinky, a giant koala with a
baseball cap.
You were surprised when Blinky pulled the “eating
a cheerleader” gag usually associated with more
monstrous or predatory mascots. You were
shocked when Stacey was never seen again.
Whenever there is a mystically important game or
battle on the Omphalos, Blinky devours one of
your number, then disappears before the end of
the confrontation.
You cannot stop cheering, so you need to figure
out a way to end the ravenous mascot’s reign of
terror without breaking formation.
31. Renunciants
You were traumatized as children by a Hell
House, a fake haunted house run by evangelicals
on Halloween to put the fear of God into hapless
and impressionable trick-or-treaters.
It didn’t go as planned.
Today you are a cult of radical neo-Pietists who
believe hell is purgative rather than punitive. You
believe Satan and his demons ridd people of their
sins through the infernal/divine House of
Renunciation.
If you can show Lucifer your commitment to the
House, he will usher you in as wards of a new
Room.
And you have the perfect target: Ezekiel “Gumbo”
Wilford, the bloated hypocritical Evangelist who
ran the Hell House which opened your eyes to the
secret world.
9
 γ: Spite and Satisfaction
32. Unnatural Selection
There is a paranoid and misanthropic old wizard
in town you all desperately want to kill.
His stronghold is surrounded by magickal
defenses, his astral guard dogs are worse than the
physical ones, and he refuses all mail and
communications from the outside world.
The one exception you can identify is that he loves
the Darwin Awards, and each time a compilation
book is released, he receives it via secure
channels.
The qualifications for winning a Darwin Award
are: the winner must be a mature and mentally
stable individual who has removed themselves
from the gene pool by death or sterility through a
self-caused act of stupendous stupidity in a
verifiable way.
If one or all of you can fake your deaths in such
spectacular fashion it is included in the next
compilation, you’ll be able to bypass his magickal
defenses and get him while he’s laughing about it.
33. Meander
This Texas town is under the thumb of powerful
sodbuster and good ol’ boy Liam Habrock.
You are a loose alliance of locals tired of his racist
folk horror shtick and agents of powerful
agribusiness concerns who want to buy him out
without worrying about sorghum growing out of
your intestines in the night.
He has accrued power, knows how to use it, and
knows not to lose it: he’s already turned three Jane
Does into living scarecrows and wrestled the
Foolkiller into submission.
But if he crosses the Mississippi, he’ll be
depowered long enough to take a swipe at him.
He’s not liable to do that, but his land is close to
the border.
All you need to do is figure out a way to divert a
Mississippi River distributary so it flows right
through his living room.
10
 γ: Spite and Satisfaction
34. Magick Retirement Home Shuttle 36. Kill the Trash Panda King
The nursing home shuttle driver regularly takes Toronto’s raccoons have long been an urban
you on terrifying journeys through time and space menace, but they have become more organized
in the name of “elder education”. and dangerous of late.
Several of your friends have died of shock while Instead of just trashing people’s kitchens for
being driven past spiral nebulae supernovas and donuts, they’ve started taking cash, occult artifacts,
prehistoric jungles. and weapons in well-
coordinated lightning raids.
One poor schmuck
had a heart attack With the efforts of the
while standing Mayor’s office and animal
inside his own heart control ending in debacle,
ventricle. and increasing numbers of
Torontonian raccoon
Enough is enough.
sympathizers, it is up to you
You have enough to find their leader and end
old school occult his reign of terror before
knowledge to know the Six falls before furry
she is a powerful overlords.
reality manipulator,
37. Slay the Restroom
with your collective
strength and a When Oscar Groach got
good plan you can stuck in the self-cleaning
take her out. public toilet, it was
hilarious. You expected him
Maybe steal her
bellowing and soaking wet,
shuttle and get the
but he emerged sober,
hell out of here too.
clean, and well-dressed,
35. Ode to the and he walked away
Bouncer without giving you, his old
chums, a second glance.
Your enemy
humiliated you, and It’s gotten others too: Sally
unless you have something to say about it they are the Squib, Dr. Rotgut, the Clamm brothers. One by
set to win millions in one of the world's biggest one, the public utility is taking your droogs and
professional gaming tournaments. turning them into something they’re not.
It is being held at the Hanged Man Casino, which You gotta kill it.
has a strict anti-charger policy after some bad
bodybag experiences. Skullface the bouncer is a
near-omnipotent behemoth with a bloodhound’s
nose for magick.
You’ll have to distract him or mask your scent to
get in there and take care of unfinished business.

11
 δ: A Good Offense
Defensive Objectives
Oh, Bother
As children, you frequently visited the 40 Hectare
Forest and had adventures with the local
community of talking animals.
When you came to the conclusion you had out-
grown the wondrous wood, you made a pact one
day you would bring your children to this ultimate
safe space to help open their minds to the
mysteries of the world.
Now decades later you return to find the Forest is
dying, the victim of contamination from the lead-
acid battery recycling firm gleefully dumping its
waste through a portal to the Otherspace.
Your forest friends need your help to push back the
corporate goons and close the polluting portal.
The Man Cave is Shrinking
Sure, it’s a bit old fashioned, but your partners
agreed to let you boys have your own space to
drink beer and play video games or whatever you
do in there.
But you’ve started to notice it’s getting smaller.
You’ve taken measurements and you’re losing
about an inch every six hours.
Now you’re thinking about it, the assholes who live
two blocks away and follow a different sports ball
team have been looking real smug recently.
They’re clearly responsible, and you need to
figure out how to get your man cave space back
and steal theirs while you’re at it.
12
 δ: A Good Offense
The Tempest
A teenager writing brilliantly erudite erotic fan-
fiction in China was being detained for indecency
when she burst into white light and Ascended, but
that’s not your problem.
William Shake-spear has crashed back to earth,
and as stolid anti-Stratfordian scholars, you’re the
first on his shit list.
Can you put aside your iconoclastic differences
over the authorship question and defend your
research center against the newly language-hating
Bard of Avon and his cunning rituals?
Monogorod
The Soviets built your city along impenetrable
guidelines, isolated in the Russian Far East and
dependent on the timber industry.
You prospered in your own way under the
guidance of Gerasim, the Czar (True King) of
Derevyanno-gorod. Nearly every resident was
taught a path of a voploshcheniye (avatar), from
the Clown (Fool) to the New Soviet Man (Solid
Citizen).
Now it is the 1990s, the planned economy has
collapsed, and the lumber company has been
bought by an oligarch who seeks to drive it into
bankruptcy in order to remove you and sell the
facilities to North Koreans who will turn it into an
outsourced labor camp for political prisoners.
The Czar is sick and old, his heir is too young, and
you are those chosen to defend Derevyanno-gorod
from the kulak exploiters and their bratva
enforcers.
Heritage
Last month, a Shinto shrine restricted to the
Japanese Imperial family was destroyed by arson.
The month before, Paleolithic cave paintings in
France which had been restricted to the public for
over a decade were sandblasted into oblivion.
You believe these crimes are the work of a nihilistic
Cliomancer called the Reviser, who is harvesting
Major Charges from isolated historical sites and
then destroying them.
It is impossible to know what changes to history
they are causing with their Charges, but you doubt
they are good. You must find a way to lay a trap
for them, find or orchestrate the existence of a
Cliomantic Major Charge and lie in ambush for
this historiographical terrorist
Burial Ground Open House
They built a housing project over the temple
complex your ancestors built hundreds of years
ago, destroying sacred artifacts along the way.
The elders tried to do things the so-called right way
with legal injunctions and meeting with the Mayor,
but it was all in vain.
They are going to start showing off the properties
to prospective buyers next week, and you’ve
finally been given the go-ahead to use ancient
traditions and new magick to make damn sure no
one ever moves into those houses.
War of the Trails
Your family went up into the hills in 1938 after
hearing of the Martian invasion over the radio,
hiding out in an abandoned Prohibition era
moonshine distillery deep in the hills.
You have perfected old magickal techniques, but
now it is thirty years later and there are interlopers
on your land, claiming to be mapping a route for
something called the “Appalachian National
Scenic Trail”.
Clearly some kind of Martian ruse, but Pa fears
drawing attention to your holdout.
He has ordered you to figure out a way to keep
this so-called hiking trail heading in a different
direction without attracting the envious eyes of
intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic.
13
 δ: A Good Offense
Causeway Bay
You work for Ishmael Ip, powerful Bibliomancer
and owner of a rare book distributor in Hong
Kong.
During a recent trip to Shenyang, your boss was
arrested by the Chinese authorities, probably due
to the extensive collection of banned-on-the-
mainland and anti-CCP books on prominent
display.
You need to figure out a way to rescue him, but
right now you have the more pressing concern of
defending his Library from aggressive rival local
Bibliomancers, as well as interlopers from the
mainland, Macau, Taiwan, and the Chinese
diaspora.
Manual Revert
Mass vandalism. Deleted archives. DDOS attacks.
Mind worms.
As the self-selected international team of
Wikipedia editors dedicated to keeping Dirk
Allen’s page accurate and intact, you’ve dealt with
a lot.
With the upcoming anniversary of the publication
of My Name is Dirk A., you know you need to be
ready for a serious attack.
Eminent Domain
Your family has guarded this land and the horrors
that lie beneath it for hundreds of years, but now
the government is trying to seize your property to
build a military training facility.
You know if young recruits are brought to this
place without the protections you have built up
over generations, there will soon be monsters in
human skin marching under the flag.
You need to figure out a way to defy the
government, or at least get them to change their
plans.
14
 δ: A Good Offense
Güímar Not Great, Not Terrible
The Spanish government has given permission for a It’s 1996, and it is now believed the Chernobyl
fringe archaeologist gadfly named Odin Haaland to nuclear power plant in Pripyat has developed a
conduct an archaeological dig at the so-called Major charge which could be harvested by
Pyramids of Güímar on Tenerife in the Canary Cliomancers and other adept classes.
Islands.
You are a nationalist cabal who believe the charge
He’s bringing along a documentary crew, hoping to belongs to the Ukrainian people, facing off against
prove that the structures were built by the ancient Russian mobsters, a German clique of logomancers,
Atlanteans. and an international order known as the Nuclear
Safety Congregation.
You know the truth of the Pyramids is much darker, a
tale of murder, incest and Freemasonry in the 19th Careful of the tenebrae.
century, and you all have good reasons to keep it
under wraps.
You need to fabricate enough evidence of ancient
Atlantis to satisfy Haaland and his crew, without
attracting the attention of serious investigators.

15
 ε: In It To Win It
Competitive Objectives
50. Heston, You’ve Gone Too Far
You are a team competing on the gonzo reality
cooking show Transformations, where molecular
gastronomy meets hermetic alchemy.
Preparing vegetarian dishes for a panel of judges
drawn from the nation’s top cannibal clans.
53. A Wee Bit Hot
Mr. Sati serves the hottest curry in Glasgow, and
if you clean your plate it's free.

You will be judged on your ability to run an illegal Each of you has failed miserably, red faced and
pop-up restaurant serving innovative takes on dry- screaming, even hospitalized, as Mr. Sati chuckles.
aged human placenta. Can you attract customers Only one local man has ever succeeded, a
while avoiding the cops, the health department, mysterious Highlander named Sìleas
and howling child spirits, and prepare the perfect MacBreathnach who is said to speak Gàidhlig
placenta paella? fluently, Scots begrudgingly, and Scottish English
51. Domicile nae 'tall.
Breeders You must find him,
You have found a learn his secrets, and
young, virgin Hunger earn your free curry.
Home nestled down 54. Magic Island
an alleyway in a large
metropolis, and you The 91st Annual Port-
know that if you can au-Prince Zombi Talent
feed it the right kind of and Grooming Show
people it will grow big is coming up, the
and strong, a real secretive event where
contender for best in the occult-woke
show in next year’s members of Haitian
International Animate high society show off
Property Club the best blowfish
Competition. poison and datura-
addled thralls that their
But first you must keep professional bokor can
her safe from the provide.
Condemnation, a
house-killing cabal You are members of
who disguise their the Caribbean
assassinations as diaspora born
building code elsewhere, and you
violations and city ordinances. know no one from outside the islands has ever won
best in show for their zombi.
52. The Hills Have an Eye on the Menu
Perhaps you are against this competition for its
You are brave contestants in an underground cruelty or cynical misuse of tradition, or perhaps
reality show where teams of wizard chefs compete you have something to prove, but you’re going to
in increasingly bizarre cooking challenges, in a win this Show.
lead-up to the final round.

16
 ε: In It To Win It
55. Trench Warfare contacting Mars (or Venus, if they’re listening) by
any means necessary to request aid for your
You know how Mechanomancy can only
troubled world from the undoubtedly more
incorporate technology from up to the end of the
civilized elder races.
19th century? That was back in the ‘90s dude,
nowadays you can use WW1 tech in your Before the Germans do.
clockworks.
57. The Great Auto Race
In celebration, a group of tasteless New World
It is 1908, and you are participants in the New
Mechanomancers are organizing a clockwork
York to Paris automobile race sponsored by the
battle in the hills of
New York Times and Le
Verdun and teams from
Matin. Can you preserve
all over the world are
your national pride and
assembling.
keep your car running
This is your chance to along the long and
show the Allies the largely unpaved 22,000
Central Powers will not mile route across the
be beaten again. continental United
States, Canada, Siberia,
56. Early Contact
and Europe, avoiding
It is 1916, and the angry hoosiers and
Great War is raging. peasants along the way?
Percival Lowell is dead,
58. I Choose You,
and with it the dream of
Polonium
contacting the canal-
building dying The alchemist
civilization on water- Paracelsus identified the
scarce Mars. elementals for earth
(gnomes), water
Attempts have been
(undines), air (sylphs),
made with wireless
and fire (salamanders).
technology and
suggestions made of using massive geometric This is bunkum. There is an elemental for each of
shapes in the Sinai or American midwest but so far the 118 elements of the periodic table, from
nothing has come to fruition. hydrogen gremlins, helium genies, and nitrogen
naiads all the way to the rare and unstable
The Guzman Prize, 10,000 francs to the first to
bunyips and fauns of the transuranic elements.
establish communication with another world,
remains unclaimed, and our own world seems hell You seek to catch as many elements as you can, to
bent on destroying itself. fight against other teams in the violent and often
radioactive elemental arenas.
You are like-minded souls from disparaged
scientific fields and outre modern mysticism who But you’ll need an advantage, namely being the
have come together with the one goal of first to catch the elemental for Ununennium, the as-
yet-unsynthesized Element 119.

17
 ζ: Good Intentions
Altruistic Objectives
59. Save the Driver
Golam was the best damn Uber driver ever,
always happy and smiling, playing awesome music,
sparkling water in the back.
Through the worst of your youthful hijinks, he was
there taking care of you.
You’ve all been away for a while, learning the secret
names of streets, but you’ve come back to find he’s
gone.
They want to deport him.
You’re not going to let that happen.
60. Kill a Friend
In their long, deathless life they have had few real
friends, but they count each of you as one.
They have one simple, impossible task: end their
undying existence once and for all.
61. Mystic Sniper
There's been a sniper in the downtown area for
days but he is using magick to fool people into
thinking his victims are dying of sudden heart attacks
or car accidents, and only you can see through it.
He isn’t being indiscriminate but you need to figur
out what the pattern of his attacks is, keep the public
safe, and take him out before any more lives are lost.
62. Come True
Forget power or desire, you have a deeper calling
to weave your magick.
You fulfill the requests of critically ill children the
hacks at the Make-A-Wish Foundation can't or won't.
And you have a request from a dying child that will
make a lot of people very upset, but you can’t bear
to disappoint them.
18
 ζ: Good Intentions
63. Needless Things
You’re mutual friends of the theatrically spooky
owner of a thrift store filled with magickal cursed
items intended to teach people life
lessons.
The New Inquisition is coming for
him, so he’s packed up his entire
collection and flown the coop.
You’ve got the key to his store, he
needs you to set up a convincing
collection of fake artifacts and
magickal doo-dads for TNI to
confiscate and be distracted by
while he gets away.
He’ll make it worth your while,
and you do kinda owe him.
64. Fantasie
It is 1940, and you are
researchers for Coca-Cola
Deutschland.
Due to the trade embargo, the
importation of cola syrup has
become difficult..
The company has decided to
develop a new product using the
limited ingredients available like
whey, beet sugar, and apple
pomace.
You are secretly opposed to the
Nazi regime, and hope to alter
the recipe of this new soda drink
to bring about Hitler’s fall from
power and the end of the war.
Just beware of management, and
the fascists in your own R&D
department.
65. Intervention
It’s not easy to be the friends and loved ones of a
Dipsomancer, but he’s going off the rails.
How do you stage an intervention for
a man who can destroy a living room
with his mind?
How can you get him back to a good
place without actually sobering him
up?
66. Exobiosophy
You have been taught that demons
aren’t really the souls of the departed,
but are sociopathic reprobate spirits
beyond good and evil utterly
committed to their obsessions.
You can’t believe that is true in a
benevolent universe, and have
resolved to prove the world wrong by
capturing a demon, teaching it ethics
and morality, and restoring its
conscience.
Good luck, you’re going to need it.
67. Sewer Gator Protection Society
Once a common sight for those with
eyes to see in the sewers and tunnels
beneath New York City, the
population of mutated, albino sewer
alligators has gone into serious
decline.
There are today more of the mutants in
captivity than in their natural fetid
environment.
You have formed an animal welfare
charity group to boost the numbers of
the Big Apple’s most beloved and
vicious resident.
19
 ζ: Good Intentions
68.Eucharistheticus
You are teenage Satanists with some smattering of
real Unnatural knowledge.
Your frenemy Crocell Chadwick claims to have built
a Feraliminal Lycanthropizer, described in a 1990
pamphlet as a Nazi thanato-auric device capable of
invoking intense sexual desire and violent energy.
You are 95% sure he’s full of shit, but he also claims
he has hidden it on the grounds of this weekend’s
“Final Testament Christian Youth Festival featuring
Creed”.
You all have siblings, cousins, and other family
members attending the festiva.
You do not want it turning into a death orgy because
of fucking Crocell, but he won’t tell you where he put
it.
69.In Falsum Vivo
You found a nonentity in a hospital gown
wandering in the woods near the cosmetics research
facility. The implication is clear: they are performing
unethical experiments on the poor soulless creatures,
and you’re going to shut them down.
70. Silverback Inquisition
You taught Spanky sign language to prove it was
possible for older gorillas to learn to communicate,
and in exchange the great ape taught you secrets
about yourselves and the hidden world.
She has been taken to an animal sanctuary now.
She predicted it would happen, and informed you
solemnly she would be killed by her own kind for
sorcery unless the alpha male can be successful
intimidated by a champion nominated by Spanky.
That would be one of you.
20
 η: Play Stupid Games
Idiotic Objectives
71. Tip the Sacred Cow
Around 20 people are killed by cattle every year
in the United States.
You’re pretty sure Henrietta is responsible for at
least half a dozen of those.
This murderous old cow is notorious for her glare
and the blood on her muzzle, but old man O’clair
says he will protect her with his life.
The authorities blame the deaths on misadventure,
but you believe she exerts a bovine siren song to
lure her victims.
Club-footed Cowboy Cody claimed one drunken
night that Henrietta is linked to the dark aspect of
the ancient Egyptian goddess Hathor, and that
connection can only be severed with her ritual
humiliation.
So you’re going cow tipping.
72. El Dorado
Adept and gutter magick is in a constant arms race
with the stultifying pseudo-Jungian power structure of
the Invisible Clergy, which feeds off and is
empowered by the collective unconsciousness of a
globalized society.
Before international trade and industrialization
bound the world-consciousness together, it was much
easier to follow paths of shamanistic power and
create powerful artifacts.
You seek to reacquire this innocence, but to do that
you must enter a community isolated from the world-
flows, such as the uncontacted tribes of the Amazon
or the aggressive inhabitants of North Sentinel
island.
Many people will try to stop you, you have to be
careful not to wipe out all the locals with disease,
and also make sure they don’t kill you, but the
rewards could be infinite power.
Well, at least you think so.
21
 η: Play Stupid Games
73. Bad Luck Charm
Doug is a human nexus of misfortune, leaving
misery in his wake.
It’s not his fault, it’s an error of synchronicity, and he’s
not even aware it happens.
You are a loose cabal of ambulance chasers,
unethical accident photographers, and con artists
who follow Doug, feeding off the human tragedy in
his wake, but others have learned about his effect on
the world and are trying to break the curse, or at
least clue him in on it.
They cannot be permitted to succeed.
74. Astral Hangover
It was their idea to go drunk joyriding in the astral
plane originally, but it’s probably on all of you that
they got lost and floated away into the ether.
You really want to make them find their own way
back to the physical realm, but their non-clued-in
spouse is furious and threatening to call the police in
24 hours.
You’re pretty sure you pissed off a lot of entities and
adepts last night so you don’t want to go back there,
but you also don’t want to go to prison.
75. Drone Hole
You all chipped in to buy the beast: an all-purpose
civilian drone with an operating range of nearly ten
miles and an hour of flight time.
You were stoked to try it out, but then it vanished in
mid air in front of your eyes 150 feet over the city
park.
You were in the midst of blaming each other when
the hobo hooted “Don’t you idiots know there’s a
hole there? Good luck getting your toy back! Spare
change?”
So now you need to figure out how to get up there,
find the tear in space, work out where it goes, and
get your damn investment back.
76. Sasquatch in the Basement
You didn’t even believe he was real, but when you
summoned the big hairy bastard, he smashed up
your house, and now he’s locked in the basement.
He is still very angry with you.
You can’t kill him, or you risk bringing curse and ruin
down on your heads.
You can’t let him out in his current state, he’ll beat the
tar out of you.
You can’t leave, there is something valuable in the
house that you can’t move.
What are you going to do?
77. Grilled Fish
She always wanted to be a real mermaid, and
after great effort you found the ritual combination of
ritual and gutter magick to effect the transformation.
It was tragic when she was picked up by an aerial
water bomber and dropped over the California
wildfires.
She didn’t deserve that, so you have resolved to find
her body and return her to the sea she loved so
much.
The fire is still raging.
78. Castration Celebration
Your Epideromancer friend is about to cut off his
dick for a Major charge, and he is planning a
massive blow-out.
(The bit in Book 5: Mine that says castration doesn’t
work for an Epideromancer Major charge is fake
news, you hope).
Your job is to make sure the party goes off without a
hitch, honoring the long and checkered career of his
member, without anyone messing with him and/or
making him lose his Major charge.
Rumor has it his enemies have summoned the
Kuchisake-onna to crash the party.
22
 η: Play Stupid Games
79. You’ll Be Sor-ry 82. Palpitations
Your buddy is a terminal liar, and he has woven a You have in your freezer the charred heart of a
complex narrative surrounding his so-called girlfriend Thanatomancer’s wife. Inside the heart, somehow, is
in Canada, Nicole. a Major charge. The Thanatomancer doesn’t know
you have it, but by now he certainly knows it’s
It has reached the point of complete absurdity, but he
missing.
insists she is real.
You want to get that Major charge out of the fetish
You don’t believe it, and have come up with the best
and cover your tracks before the death magician
prank. You will take all the stories he has told you,
finds you.
and use them as the basis for a temporarily existent
entity using magickal rituals. You’d better do it quickly, for even frozen solid and
burnt to a crisp it’s still beating, and each heartbeat
She’ll show up, embarrass him, then stop existing, no
is causing increasingly intense bursts of unnatural
harm done.
phenomena.
Well, unless there isn’t actually a Nicole in Canada.
83. Splendidly Attired in a Rocket Chair
And as long as the fake one goes away.
Legend has it that during the Ming dynasty the
80. Missing the Point legendary Chinese official Wan Hu attached 47
rockets to his chair and was carried aloft into the
You have a very annoying vegan friend.
heavens, becoming the world’s first astronaut.
Nothing wrong with their beliefs, some of you may
MythBusters and historical revisionists claim he either
also be vegans or vegetarians yourselves, or at least
never existed or blew up on the platform, but you
sympathetic to the moral argument.
believe he succeeded, and the only reason his
But they’ve become insufferable and embarrassing. desiccated corpse has not been found floating in
orbit is he ascended as the Spaceman, beating Yuri
So, in order to shut them up, you have decided to
Gagarin by centuries.
making a living, breathing, mooing cow completely
out of vegetable matter and taunt them with it. You want a selfie with him.
This seems a brilliant idea that can’t go wrong.
81. Meat Baby
You idiots decided to make a creepy infant-shaped
meatloaf to bring to an upcoming baby shower.
One of you must have eaten a Special Order or
somehow caught a loose charge because it came
out of the oven squalling.
Now you have to figure out how to take care of this
greasy bairn and turn it into something that isn’t
going to start attracting flies in a few days.

23
 θ: A Material World
84. Fairy Alimony
You are the divorcees of an adept who pays
each of you a share of alimony, but you’ve noticed
something off.
Whenever they send you money, it just seems to
disappear, eaten up by sudden expenses and fees
or inadvertently wasted on goods and services you
don’t really want and never actually receive.
You know enough about money magick from your
marriages with them to smell a rat and you’ve
decided your revenge has to hit them where it hurts
the most: their wallet.
85. Tall Poppies Get Cut
Your two families have been rivals for generations,
though the violence and sorcery of the old feuding
days eventually gave way to an eternal contest of
petty one-upmanship.
But now your rivals have gone ahead and won
thesselves tens of millions of dollars in the lottery.
They’re acting real briggity, and you’re put out, but
you reckon you can get them to lose all that money
by the end of the year with the old magick and
some cunning.
86. The Sky’s the Limit
Legend has it there is an American Express Card
which can be used to purchase anything, with no
limit whatsoever, for the use of the super rich.
It has been described as jet black, sky blue with
puffy clouds, or as a literal hole in space.
Somehow, you retrobates have gotten hold of an
application form.
Can you figure out how to prove to the American
Express company you deserve one of these cards?
87. Payday Loan
In moments of weakness, you’ve all taken short-term,
unsecured loans, and they’ve slowly sapped away at
your financial health, and now the company is
literally sapping your souls.
The next stage will be collection agencies and a
meeting with a literal loan shark.
You have come together in desperation to work out a
way to pay them back or take them down.
88. Buried Treasure
This landfill contains toxic waste, methane clouds,
bodies dumped by serial killers and organized
crime, and according to rumor a hard drive
containing $100 million dollars worth of BitCoin.
The city council is preventing their former owner from
attempting an excavation, but you have some tricks
up your sleeve.
89. Esoteric Inequality
In 1998, it took a lump sum of $100 million to
generate a Plutomantic Major charge. Under normal
inflation, that would be over $160 million today.
Well, it should be, but apparently money magick has
been suffering hyperinflation and now a Major takes
a cool billion. You don’t know if it’s the
cryptocurrency speculators, the wealth gap, or Jeff
Bezos behind it, but for warbucks of limited means
such as yourselves it’s ever harder to get by. The Sig
costs are rising every quarter, and if something
doesn’t change you’ll be scrabbling for Minor
charges.
Whether by crashing the economy or throwing your
weight behind aggressively Keynesian economists,
you need to make money magick more equitable.
24
 ι: Moderation in Moderation
Indulgent Objectives
90. Pineapple is an Abomination
You have very strong opinions about what
constitutes a pizza, which you may or may not refer
to as a pie, and you're incensed at heretical
suggestions to the contrary.
Can you defeat the heterodoxy of incorrect shape,
thickness, and toppings?
Can sorcery and mass manipulation turn a fallen
world toward the purity of the One True Slice?
91. In Old English, Yelp Meant Boast
You’re online reviewers and passionate foodies who
have all had a terrible experience at a family
restaurant called Good Vibes.
The food was awful, the service worse, the manager
a complete dickbag.
But whenever you have tried to tell someone about
how god-awful it is, all you could do is sing its
praises in an increasingly exaggerated fashion.
The food was cursed, no one who has eaten it can
say a word against it.
While anyone who has been there knows to avoid it
like the plague, but the good reviews in the media
keep a steady stream of naive new customers
flowing in to suffer. You must break this spell for the
sake of the tongues of this city.
92. Thanksgiving Wombat
In the 1990s, kangaroo and emu were both touted
as “American’s new red meat” for their supposed
health advantages and benefit to the environment.
Neither worked out.
But you know the third times the charm, you just need
to find the right tasty Australian animal and sell it to
the hearts and tables of America.
93. Vin de Merde
You are winemakers in a specific French region. You
used magick on your vineyards to increase
production, but the wine turned to vinegar and piss
when exported and demand for your product has
collapsed.
For the sake of your livelihoods, tradition, and the
honor of your region, you need to regain the trust of
the drinking public and restore your good name.
94. Essence of Taste
In 1968, the New England Journal of Medicine
published a fake letter from a correspondent
claiming to be a Dr. Ho Man Kwok introducing the
concept of ‘Chinese restaurant syndrome’ and the
dangers of monosodium glutimate.
Despite being false, in the years since it sparked
widespread fears over MSG. As a cabal of Chinese
restauranteurs, you must find a way to change the
perception of the ineffable umami powder.
25
 ι: Moderation in Moderation
95. Yumtrails
You’ve figured out what the chemtrails that the
lizard people are spraying over your town are.
Seasonings. Some kind of Cajun spice mix. Makes
the hoi polloi human population taste better.
But Harry Turtledove taught you that ginger is a
drug to them.
All you need to do is break onto the secret
underground airbase and spike the spice mix.
Then all will be revealed.
96. Thin Mints Thin the
Herd
The demons Carthage and
Rome are at it again, pitting
desperate teams of ponies
and checkers against each
other in a nonsensical contest
to influence the sales of Girl
Scout cookies in a small town.
The Punic team is using gutter
magick and subliminal
messages to promote
tagalongs, while the Latin
team employ muscle and threats to induce heavy
sales of do-si-dos.
The Girl Scouts remain so far blissfully unaware of
the struggle, but you have noticed and for that you
have been contacted by an entity calling itself
Pontus, who hates both Carthage and Rome and
wants to spoiler the whole operation.
Through a combination of carrot and stick it has
induced you to pursue its goal: putting an end to
their game be making the town believe Girl Scout
cookies contain slow-acting poisons and sterility
drugs, part of a secret Illuminati plot to reduce the
American population.
97. Vegemite of the Gods
A cabal of Dipsomancer experimental
archaeologists was broken apart by the Sleepers
when they recreated the ancient, sacred beer of
the Mesopotamian goddess Ninkasi.
In the chaos, you managed to get ahold of the
leftover brewer’s yeast extract and you know that if
you can turn it into a palatable spread you might
be able to flog it off on the Australian underground
market.
You just need to do it before the Sleepers or some
very old Demons come for you.
98. Giving Columbus the Captain Cook
Treatment
There is a high level
Explorer avatar who runs a
food blog, specializing in
“discovering” hole-in-the-wall
ethnic restaurants.
This inevitably leads to a
short-lived but disruptive
influx of bougie new
customers and inevitably new
restaurants with gentrified
versions of the original food
at higher prices with paler
owners.
You’ve been tracking the Explorer, and you’re
97% sure they know exactly what they’re doing
and are either doing it deliberately or don’t care.
So, you’re going to lay a trap in the form of a fake
restaurant selling “Authentic Arawak-Hawaiian
Fusion Cuisine” to lure them in and put an end to
their Age of Discovery.
99. Drank
Dmitri Carnovski, former Godwalker of the Fool
before he disappeared, was known for his ability
to make everyone want to dance and drink
whenever he played a musical instrument.
This effect should have been fairly limited (and
even defunct if he’s dead), but an up-and-coming
trap producer has sampled Carnovski playing his
balalaika and the result is a real banger.
26
 ι: Moderation in Moderation
You are powerful chargers but also former
alcoholics, and this damn song is making it
impossible to go out anywhere without a
supernatural compulsion to drink.
You need to kill its popularity or neutralize its effects
before you all fall off the wagon.
100. First Brew
The oldest evidence of human beings enjoying
fermentation is from vessels found in Jiahu, China.
Dating from 7,000 BC, they contain traces of an
alcohol made from rice, honey, grapes, and
hawthorn, brewed using mold instead of yeast with
various aromatic herbs, flowers, and tree resins.
Word on the street is if you can locate the single
oldest intact vessel, it would provide a Dipsomancer
with Major charges on demand.
You need to get it before competing cabals or the
Brotherhood of Harmonious Repose does.
101. Amotivational
Each of you has your own unique form of
marijuana-based magick, which leads to long stoned
debates but are so distinct from each other you never
get into real conflict.
You are less of a cabal than a group of like-minded
stoners with magick powers.
That is, until Old Lettucehead ambled in and started
telling you about some arcane concept called Ω,
how it controls how expensive your spells are, and
how if the state legislature legalizes pot like
everyone keeps saying they will, your lives will
suddenly get a lot more vexatious.
Now you’re paranoid, desperate to stop the
legislation from passing to maintain your lifestyle.
102. Thamakha
It is 2010, and the Tobacco Control Act has just
passed into Bhutanese legislation, banning the
cultivation and sale of all tobacco products.
A powerful Ustrinaturge in Thimphu is offering the
use of his Major charge (acquired from his recent
lung cancer diagnosis) to anyone who is able to
provide him with a permanent and secure source of
Marlboro Red cigarettes to last him until he dies.
103. Bingdu
You are diplomats and spies in a beleaguered
North Korean embassy cut off from financial support
from the Fatherland.
They have instead been sending methamphetamine
in diplomatic pouches to make do, and in the
process of offloading the narcotics you have learned
of the occult drug underground.
You need to penetrate that underground and secure
the recipe to the fabled UPS hallucinogen to send
back to the DPRK’s drug labs and begin mass
production, thereby securing a permanent inflow of
hard currencies and occult favors.
Mak Attax Objectives
104. Holdout
During the Whisper War, a cabal of Maks built an
Otherspace in the back of the freezer of their
franchise location, a jungle of frozen meat patties,
bubbling fry oil hot springs, and cola raining from
the sky.
27
 ι: Moderation in Moderation
Over the years, Some of them
most of the are even starting
holdouts came to get bold and
back to the world swoop in to take
to discover there cheap shots at
were still Maks the drive thru
running the window.
location, albeit as
You need to
a combination
figure out a way
Pizza Hut and
to clear them out
Taco Bell.
before they take
But one Mak has over the whole
refused to come damn store.
out except for
107. Have It
sudden violent
Borges
raids where they
say nothing It started as a
except to deny single franchise,
you are Maks at the Golden
all, that it’s all a Arches replaced
trick. They have by a Silver Spire,
injured several architectural
non-woke staff symbol of a fast
and patrons, and food restaurant
it has gone on selling chorizo
long enough. sausage
sandwiches with
You need to find a way to lure them out.
pickled eggplant on the side.
105. Should Auld Antagonist Be Forgot…
Laughable, but it spread quickly, replacing not just
st
It's December 31 , 1999 and the Safe and the restaurants themselves but also memories.
Happy New Year program is under way.
Now everyone knows McDonald's never
The McFlurry machine has divined a terrorist plot penetrated Memphis, a city where the local dialect
in your home town, but they are strict vegans who has always been long strings of adjectives without
refuse fast food. nouns.
You need to get into their compound and sneak a McTlönUqbar is now threatening to engulf every
McNugget into their rations, or there will be more fast food franchise in Texas, threatening reality on
than dipping sauce on your hands. an ontological level. You are a brave multi-
factional team sent in to brave invisible tigers and
106. Birdie’s Revenge
towers of blood to kill the infection at its source.
You are Mak Attaxers duly handing out special
orders, but a flock of astral entities like nightmare
hummingbirds are roosting outside your franchise
location, sucking the magick out of your customers.

28
 ι: Moderation in Moderation
Ordo Corpulentis Objectives
I see that woman's "bite several mouthfuls out of
you," the laughter of those green-faced, long-
toothed people and the tenant's story the other
day are obviously secret signs. I realize all the
poison in their speech, all the daggers in their
laughter. Their teeth are white and glistening:
they are all man-eaters.
Lu Xun, Diary of a Madman
108. Gran Festín
A former member of the Ordo Corpulentis married
into an affluent Mexican immigrant family and was
kicked out of the organization
(Not due to racism, oh no, rather the “refusal to
integrate”).
After being ignored for a time, it has come to the
attention of the Ordo that the former member has
spilled the truth about the Great Feast and seeks to
turn his new Familia into a dangerous rival to the
Order.
They are preparing to hold their first Great Feast
as part of the celebrations for their daughter’s
quinceanera. You are to infiltrate the party and
cause the Ritual to go haywire, hopefully
destroying his standing in La Familia and
preventing the rise of a threat.
109. Cluedo for Cannibals
You are members of an upstart faction of Ordo
Corpulentis attending a Great Feast held by a
member of greater standing.
They have had the eccentric idea of following the
cannibalistic repast with a murder mystery party
game involved all guest and even the staff.
The host claims the “murderer” has been given an
artifact allowing them to put their victims into a
temporary death-like stasis until the game ends, for
verisimilitude.
You on the other hand think this would be the perfect
cover for some actual murderin’ to jockey for greater
position in the Ordo, though you may not be the only
ones with that idea.
110. Butler for Brunch
You are particularly sharp servants for a member of
Ordo Corpulentis who have pretty much figured out
what the Great Feast means.
You should be handing in your resignations but there
are factors at play which make it impossible to give
up this job.
And you all agree that there is one person you hate
more than your employer, and that’s the blithely
arrogant and condescending majordomo Eduard.
You have made a pact to rig things so that the
asshole of a butler is the one who ends up on the
menu next month instead of one of you.
111. Eat the Rich
It’s the end of the world, but you were lucky enough
to win lottery tickets for a spot in a ‘luxury survival
community’ bunker complex on the New Zealand
coast.
Now you’re alive but you’ve realized the bunker and
its security personnel are under the control of the
Ordo Corpulentis, who intend to use you hapless
lottery winners as indentured servants and as
ingredients for their Great Feasts while they wait for
shit to calm down enough they can open the vault
doors and use guns and phasmata to fill the power
vacuum.
But their arrogance meant they didn’t filter their
victims for checkers or chargers and so you’ve
formed an alliance to lead a rebellion against the
survivalist cannibals and take this bunker for
yourselves.
29
 κ: Beast with Two Backs
Venereal Objectives
112. Get The Horn
You are a group of couples deeply into cuckoldry
who all sharing the same bull: a brawny, beautiful
man whose sexual prowess is matched only by his
wisdom.
And someone has kidnapped him. For the sake of
your marriages, you'll stop at nothing to get him
back.
113. In the Streets and In the Sheets
You all loved and lost the Freak, and now they say
he's gone.
But you don't believe it, and have formed a cabal of
03/03/03 Truthers determined to figure out what
tricks the Comte De St. German is playing and get
your Freak back.
114. Revenge Porn
Each of you met them online. Some of you had a
brief relationship, others a one night stand. Each of
you was ghosted, and each of you discovered the
person took secret photos of you having sex with
them and posted them online.
But you all recognized the bedspread and the ugly-
ass lamp, and you’ve joined forces. This shithead
doesn’t know who they’ve messed with.
115. Was It Foliage?
You’ve forgotten the safe word mysteriously, and
this has made sessions with your mutual domme less
than ideal.
You daren’t ask directly as your domme is very
particular, but it is bizarre, as if the word were
erased from reality somehow. All you remember is
that it was a name...
30
 κ: Beast with Two Backs
116. Gor Quest 118. Not Your Type
You are diehard fans of an obscure early 20th There is some guy in your occult underground who
century pulp science fiction author who have long has cast some glamor on himself to appear as
sought to recreate their vision of swashbuckling laser anyone’s ideal male partner, and has used it to
battles and rocket age adventure inside an become a local heartbreaker.
Otherspace.
It doesn’t work on any of you because you’re either
This project has been cut short by the arrival of an not attracted to men or not attracted to anyone
emissary.
But this guy is a smug, abusive creep and you’ve
Such an Otherspace already decided to break the
exists, built by the author spell.
decades ago
119. Cockblock
It has been invaded by a toxic
You don’t know why
sex cult using magick to
you’re the only ones
subjugate the inhabitants, and
who can see it, but
you are their only hope for
Jerry’s new girlfriend is
liberation.
definitely some kind of
117. Go Fork Yourself giant praying mantis,
and she’s definitely
Your entire community has
going to bite his head
been bowdlerized.
off when they have sex
Sexual references and for the first time.
offensive language are
No one believes you, he
replaced by twee substitutes,
is so infatuated, and her
and every sexual or romantic
raptorial forelegs look
encounter fades to black with
wicked sharp.
the participants waking up
fully clothed in separate beds. 120. Don’t Try to Neg
Clíodhna
It’s not even possible to see
another person naked, what The Blarney Stone in
with all the bizarre Cork, Ireland is said to
interruptions, falling furniture, and sudden onset bestow the “gift of the gab” on those who kiss it.
temporary blindness.
Your PUA instructor, Chad Design, convinced you
You are the organizers and most enthusiastic that if you fuck it, you will become masterful lovers.
participants of the town’s annual Veteran’s Day orgy.
Design was arrested by Gardaí for gtoss public
Regardless whoever is responsible for this, you need indecency, but you won’t give up.
to break this spell, or how else will you honor the
troops?

31
 κ: Beast with Two Backs
121. Bad Love
Your friend is an unconscious Amoromancer, and
each of you is using a proxy-like ritual to absorb the
charges he generates from flirting and breaking
hearts.
It’s random which of your group gets a charge
whenever he generates one, and sometimes he
keeps them, but you encourage him in his fuckboi
ways.
But he’s been getting despondent and lonely and
has started expressing interest in settling down. This is
a threat, but also an opportunity. If he starts actually
getting serious with a woman and she falls in love,
one of you parasites is going to get a Major charge.
Trouble is, Casanova has a reputation built up, so
you need to find him The One and orchestrate an
evil romantic comedy scheme. Worst case scenario,
you can always break them up.
123. Mooty Tooty
You are a debauched circle of Neo-Roman pagans
who have had multiple hostile run-ins with the
Cecilines.
You’ve discovered through augury your enemies
have a vault filled with precious artifacts, including a
stone winged phallus of the marriage god Mutunus
Tununus with preternatural properties to promote
both satisfaction and fertility.
You are desperate to get your hands on the phallus
for an upcoming bachelorette party, but you suspect
the ecclesiastic party-poopers are wise to your plan.
124. Lovecraft
Despite being the laughing stock of your local
occult underground, your coterie of cosmic horror
magick users has gibbed squamously.
The backbone of your cult has always been the
marriage of Reggie “Fun Guy from Yuggoth” and
Karen “Math Witch” Belmon.
Now their relationship is on the rocks because they
are no longer attracted to each other.
You fear if they go through with a divorce, the
conflict over who takes charge of the cult (and who
gets to keep the cats) will surely destroy your entire
order.
You must summon the power of the Great Old Ones
to save their sex lives and their marriage.
125. Unsolicited
Each of you has a loved one plagued by dick pics,
and yet they seem to forget entirely about the images
as soon as they delete them or look away.
This smells like a magical member, but how do you
track down the owner of a penis you can’t recall?
32
 κ: Beast with Two Backs
126. Simps for a Hoaxborn 128. Neurotoxic Masculinity
For several wonderful years, a middle aged man You are a fractious cabal from opposing sides of
named Cal Shrute larped as an innocent but sexy the feminist sex wars on a 1970s college campus,
character from an obscure cartoon. drawn together by your experiences of the
Unnatural and a common threat.
Despite it obviously being fake, you are among those
who became infatuated with the role he played, Some sleazeball has been slipping magick tricked-
devoting time, money, and emotional labor to help out aphrodisiac green M&Ms into freshmen’s
make her real. drinks to take advantage of them.
When he died, she lived on, and now she needs You got hold of evidence after one poor girl with a
your help to stay alive. peanut allergy ended up
Apparently those in the hospital.
cartoon sized eyes dry
You need to put your
out really quickly, but
differences aside, for
you love her anyway.
now, to track this guy
127. Laifu down and take direct
action.
You think you know
what happened. Sect of the Naked
A group of unloveable Goddess
losers used a ritual in Objectives
an attempt to create
their perfect 129. Cuminon
waifus/husbandos, but In California, the
they didn’t realize they Church of Scientology
themselves who would runs a program called
be transformed in the Criminon, rehabilitating
process. prisoners through the
You are those fantasies teachings of L. Ron
made flesh, and you Hubbard.
have a shelf life, You believe you could do
condemned to eventually transform back into those the same with Her teachings in the Illinois prison
assholes. systems, and you have been given the nod by all
You may be concoctions of unrealistic expectations Affinite factions.
and entitlement, but you deserve life, and their Mira still has some Fed connections that might
perverted imaginations have given you abilities you help.
can use to gate-crash the local occult underground
and find a way to make your corporeality You’re going to need to figure out a way to
permanent. package the gangbang enlightenment in a way
lawmakers and the Department of Corrections will
accept.

33
 κ: Beast with Two Backs
130. First Council of Nymphomania
There has been too much squabbling over dogma
within the Sect of the Naked Goddess. Factional
representatives from across the country and beyond
are converging in the San Fernando Valley to
achieve ecumenical consensus.
The core canon is clear enough: the divine Sorority
Sexposé, The Temptation of Father L., Bridal
Whorehouse, Mrs. Surefire, and of course the
Second Coming tape.
Other texts are more controversial, such as the
possibly fake Coed Cum Shots V, an alleged couch
casting tape, and the Night’s Templar hoax.
The New Orleans Affinites even come with
purported works of non-pornographic material,
claiming She took background extra gigs on
television series and film.
You represent attendees with a clear agenda, as
failing to reach a consensus could lead to further
doctrinal disputes and schisms.
Be warned, old enemies may be planning to infiltrate
the gathering: TNI spoilers, Sleeper saboteurs, and
the SWERF foot soldiers of the Cult of the Goddess.
131. Child of the Divine
Naked Goddess theological historiography
identified a period from mid 1993 to early 1994
when the Goddess did not appear in any known
pornographic work, and there has been much
speculation as to why that is.
You may have found the answer in the discovery of
an unknown work of the Goddess from January
1994 entitled Preggo Whores 3, in which the
Goddess is quite obviously at least eight months
pregnant.
Initial attempts to keep the discovery secret failed
immediately due to gossip and hostile divination,
and now you are in a race against both rival NG
factions and external threats to trace, identify, and
locate the child, who would be in their mid to late
20s by now.
Whether you wish to protect, convert, or exploit the
child is up to you.
34
 λ: Weirding at the Water Cooler
Corporate Objectives
The company that employed me strived only to
serve up the cheapest fare that the customer
would tolerate, churn it out as fast as possible,
and charge as much as they could get away
with. If it were possible to do so, the company
would sell what all businesses of its kind dream
about selling, creating that which all of our
efforts were tacitly supposed to achieve: the
ultimate product -- Nothing. And for this product
they would command the ultimate price --
Everything.
Thomas Ligotti, My Work Is Not Yet Done
132. 2008
You have the best years of your life to the
company. When the recession hit you were left out of
a career and on thin legal ice, while your boss sailed
away on a golden parachute.
Can you combine your bitterness, rage, and nascent
midlife crises into a plot of revenge?
133. Let Me Bing That For You
You are long-suffering Microsoft employees,
charged with taking down the Google behemoth’s
stranglehold on the internet’s search habits. Where
marketing has failed, magick must succeed.
Optional: Same deal but you’re witching Google+
too.
134. Management Synergy
You love your boss, and he's up for a promotion to
regional manager.
At your company, promotions to upper
management are achieved through the Ritual of
Union, consolidating the experience and skills of
worthy candidates into a single superstar leader.
There are seven competitors, so your boss needs to
survive three rounds.
You need to prepare him to vanquish and consume
his rivals, and make sure his identity isn’t lost in the
process.
135. Ghost Bargains
You are employees in a real estate firm, perhaps in
Japan or Hong Kong, specializing in purchasing
houses known to have hosted a murder, suicide, or
lonely death and are widely suspected to be
haunted.
You have a property ostensibly worth tens of millions
where a space cult committed a spectacular mass
suicide. The public thinks the place is haunted, and
they’re right.
Can you suppress the unnatural phenomena long
enough make a quick sale, or can you find someone
with a big pocketbook who doesn’t mind rooming
with dozens of screaming demons?
136. Faxlord
It's the 80s, and you are corporate investigators
chasing an industrial spy said to be able to travel
through facsimile transmissions.
They know you're after them and are fighting back:
beware cars with the headlights turned off and
deranged schoolchildren off their heads on
temporary tattoos.
137. Offsite
You are the mutual friends of a guy who managed
to get out of his podunk town and make a success of
himself, becoming an executive in a large
corporation.
When he came back to visit, you were desperate
enough to impress him you revealed the existence of
magick.
You thought it would open his eyes to a greater
world, but instead he got really excited about it.
Now he’s managed to get you hired to organize and
run a corporate retreat for his company to teach a
bunch of white collar ponies about gutter magick, or
“disruptive out-of-the-box bizmeth for catalyzing
actionability”.
This is a bad idea, but now your pride is at stake.
35
 λ: Weirding at the Water Cooler
138. Get Technical
Your start up company has received a massive
windfall after the successful showing of a remarkable
prototype to a wealthy but dangerous investor.
It turns out your whiz kid engineer was a
Mechanomancer and he's flown the coop, leaving
behind prototype schematics that look like an M.C.
Escher drawing.
You need to figure out a way to replicate his
impossible machine so it can be mass produced, or
you’re going to end up bankrupt or worse.
139. Shook Yang
It’s 1967 in Singapore, and you work in the pork
industry at a time of mass hysteria
The consumption of pig meat has been linked to
koro, or the retraction of male genitals into the body.
What’s worse is the unrest in the processing factories
themselves, where workers have reported strange
visions and ghastly visages and are on the verge of
riot.
You need to calm down your workforce while
convincing the public your product is not going to
shrivel their junk.
140. Filthy Casuals
You are agents of a corporation that buys out start-
up companies messing with magick.
Your next target is an independent game company
called Animal Magnet based on Oregon run by an
avatar of the Captain and her crew. They are
building a mobile game based on the obscure 1937
board game Fig Vine, what they claim is the “first
authorized adaptation”.
Initial attempts at intimidation have led to unorthodox
defenses from Animal Magnet, who are now live-
streaming their development process and making
sure no one comes in or out of the building.
You need to figure out either how to buy them out,
get them to lose their adaptation rights, or make sure
it ends up a dumpster fire long before it hits the app
store.
141. Hail to the Typewriter
It’s 1992, and your tech-illiterate boss just bought
an entire electronic typewriter division from a
company that knew it was time to get out of the
market. He thinks he’s made a great deal.
You need to figure out a way to market these damn
things in a world where even the smaller businesses
are shifting over to word processing software.
36
 λ: Weirding at the Water Cooler
142. Uberreactor
Twenty years ago, Gertholt Hartmann embezzled
millions of government funds intended for a
nuclear reactor and had a gigantic perpetual
motion device built by Mechanomancer to power
the community instead.
You are the maintenance crew charged with
maintaining the impossible machine. Over the
years it has increased its production of energy, but
selling to the national grid and funding server
farms in your community has siphoned off much of
the excess.
Now a Green Party candidate has won the local
elections, solar panels are being installed on
homes, and Earth Day is approaching. A sudden
drop in demand could lead to a catastrophic
explosion. You need to stop it.
143. Class Action Park
It is the early 1980s, and your company has
inherited control of an amusement park built on a
swamp.
It’s popular and profitable, but the rides are falling
apart, the guests are intoxicated, the staff ill-trained
and belligerent, and the place may be built on the
site of a Civil War massacre.
Can you turn the park around before a grand jury
indictment lands you in prison for insurance fraud?
144. Biringan City
A foreign company has set up gold and uranium
mining operations in the Samar province of the
Philippines.
They were warned against it by the locals, who
had some wild urban legend about an invisible
city of mythical shapeshifters in the area.
They pressed on regardless, but the project has
been stymied by bizarre accidents and
resignations.
You are local and expat weirdos brought in out of
desperation.
145. Networking
It has come to your attention this key networking
event you have worked so hard to organize has
been invaded by multiple poisons: a rapacious
Plutomancer known for destroying fortunes for his
own gain, anti-capitalist Bear Market cultists, and
some unnatural entity clinging to life by wasting
people’s valuable time.
You need to clear them out, discreetly, or the
blame will be on your heads.
37
 λ: Weirding at the Water Cooler
The New Inquisition Objectives 148. Merger

146. Algerian Tower Budget cuts and Alex Abel’s paranoia means your
department, specializing in augury of various
Alex Abel has suffered a paranoid breakdown, international exchange rates (“Rupee depreciates
and you are the crack team TNI assembled to against Yen, New Zealand Dollar Stable: The
retrieve him from his secure office and get him the Shapely Bows to the Circular, the Long Cloud
help he needs. Endures”), is being merged with another
Problem is, the Abel Building has become a virtual department specializing in foolish and unproven
wizard’s tower, filled with arcane traps and crypto-currency soothsaying.
monsters stalking the What this means is
cubicles. many of you and your
There are also several co-workers risk being
hundred employees downsized, which
trapped in there with him, means disappearing or
but they are a tertiary being given the psych-
priority. salad treatment and left
on the side of a
147. Prodigal Son freeway.
Alex Abel's secret son You need to prove you
Luther Miles is making a and the people you
name for himself on social care about in your
media in left-wing activism department are worth
and overlong film analysis retaining, through fair
video essays. means or foul.
It's making Abel, who now
Retail Objectives
has Fox News playing in
his office at all times, 149. Ghost in the
furious. Weave
The bodyguards he assigned to protect his son It was some of the most silky, beautiful hair you’d
refuse to cooperate, having apparently decided to ever seen, and the weaves and hair extensions you
protect Luther even against his own father. made from it were quickly snatched up by your
customers.
You are relatively young people sympathetic with
Luther, but Abel will pay you handsomely in Half of them have come back to your salon
currency and magickal treasure if you can end the screaming about the ghost of some Asian girl who
activism. follows them crying whenever they wear the
hairpieces.
He wants Luther to take on a position as a
corporate drone so he can use his influence to This hair is haunted, so you need to get all those
expedite his son’s career. extensions back.You’re pretty sure you won’t be
able to dispose of the hair without it and the ghost
Of course, without exposing Luther Miles’s
coming back over and over, so you need to lay
existence to any of Alex Abel’s enemies and
her soul to rest for good.
opportunistic rivals.

38
 λ: Weirding at the Water Cooler
150. Goth Mall
The mall is dying. The anchor store has moved to a
big box location a town over, and the national
chains let their leases go. There are only a few
specialty outlets and charity stores left.
Your occult supplies store is hanging on, but you
don’t just want to survive. You want to expand,
consume this entire mall, create America’s only
dedicated mall of the esoteric.
If the economically anxious town around you gets
consumed in the process, so be it.
151. Inconvenience Store
You are the long-suffering clerks and stock workers
of a small All-Mart Express convenience store in an
isolated, inconvenient, and unprofitable location.
The company has tried to shut your location down on
multiple occasions, and you’ve all tried to quit, but it
never seems to take.
You may well be the only All-Mart Express left in the
country, since the company shut the rest down in
2016.
Some powerful charger or group living nearby wants
your store to stay exactly where it is, for reasons
unknown.
You have worked here so long you can’t remember
when you started, and you’ve all gone a little insane
(or become fascinated with some of the weirder
inventory that comes in).
You need to figure out a way to break this curse, shut
this location down, and be free.
152. The Check-Out Legion
It has been six months since every All-Mart in
North America (as well as Hawaii and Guam) was
cut off from the outside world and haphazardly fused
into a twisting labyrinth of aisles.
If this was an attempt by management to quell the
rising threat of industrial action, it has failed.
All-out retail civil war is underway, with Corporate
forces losing aisle space to the Red Retail Union,
themselves divided into warring factions: the United
Retail Front, who wish to spread the revolution across
the industry, the Mart-for-All, who wish to build retail
communism in-store first, and the violent and
opportunistic Spill in Aisle 5, attacking all factions in
the name of retail anarcho-communism.
This is not even getting into separatists like the United
People's Department of Sporting Goods, nor the
trapped forces of the big box competitors who
invaded to help prop up Corporate before the
windows turned black and cold.
You are a group of scabs brought in to cover striking
check out workers at well below minimum wage
before becoming trapped.
You think you’ve found a way out, if you can only
fight your way across the embattled All-Mart
territories to reach the Exit.
39
 μ: Dark Sarcasm in the Classroom
Scholastic Objectives
153. Gibbous MUN
Your Model UN club was fun until it was invaded
by a group of some of the weirdest kids in school,
who call themselves the Misanthropic Social Club
and have been suspended repeatedly for occult
bullshit.
Ever since they arrived, the debates and caucuses
appear to be causing a mirror effect in real
geopolitics.
The teacher who is meant to be in charge doesn’t
want to hear about it, but the MSC are getting
bolder and you’re pretty sure they want to start
WW3.
You need to do something about it.
You know geopolitics better than them anyway, all
you gotta is figure out magick and you can beat
them at their own game.
154. A Shrine for the Bell Curve God
You are students preparing for China’s National
College Entrance Examination or gaokao, and
you’re pretty sure you’re doomed unless you can use
magick or shenanigans to get a leg-up.
You know that with the help of the right god, ghost,
or demon, you can set yourself on a path to success.
Alley gossip says a representative of the local
Education Bureau is on the warpath against public
engagement with “feudal superstition”, so be careful.
155. School Casting
Some students are planning a school massacre with
magickal blasts to avoid the metal detectors.
You have infiltrated the schools auxiliary staff to stop
them.
But how do you even tell a dangerous occult user
when Zoomers are so damn weird to begin with?
40
 μ: Dark Sarcasm in the Classroom
156. Takeover of Higher Education by Marxist You’re not quite freakish enough to wake the tiger,
UFOlogists but your physical and psychological divergence
from human beings has turned most of the student
You are Posadist college professors conspiring to
body against you.
turn your campus into an ideological bastion of
brainwashing to indoctrinate the student body in Can you use your inhuman abilities to your
the advantages of nuclear war and the messages advantage, and gain the popularity you crave?
of hope from our socialist space brothers.
159. Coulrophobia
You just need to
A man dressed in a
deal with the
clown has terrified
agitating rightist
the local community,
speakers on
escalating from jump
campus, the fusty
scares to
school
slaughtering pets,
administration, and
and everyone is
all the socialist and
convinced murder is
progressive groups
not far behind.
who aren’t down
with the As students and staff
interplanetary of the local clown
dialectic. college, you have
suffered the blame,
157. Reunion
enduring death
You all thought you threat voice mails
had hit the jackpot and CLOWNS GET
when you were OUT graffiti from a
admitted to a literal terrified community.
magical school as
But you’re no
teenagers, a Hogwarts with private funding and a
ordinary jester, and have sworn to use your
cheerleading team.
powers to unmask this false harlequin and clear
Now it’s two decades later, the reunion is coming your school’s name.
up, and your life hasn’t gone according to plan.
160. Goisshin
Despite differences in your school days, you have
It is the Meiji era, and your ancient school of
resolved to work together to craft the impression of
esoteric arts has been weakened by the sudden
a successful life in the occult underground to make
flow of Western ideas and technology into Japan.
all those bastards jealous.
The occulted onmyōji have decided that as
158. Uncanny Valley Girls
neophytes you are more likely to be open to new
You’re a high school clique of inhuman ideas, and have charged you to infiltrate the
abominations in San Fernando, California. students being sent to the United Kingdom to study
modernization and once there to learn the secrets
of Western magick to bring back to Japan.

41
 ν: Eating From the Trash Can
Ideological Objectives
161. Secret Artes of Labor Action
You thought the strike would bring the bosses back
to the table, but despite the best efforts of the Union,
scabs and strikebreakers have been brought into the
factory and production has resumed.
Security has kept these bastards safe, and morale is
suffering for it.
This strike will fail unless you dig into the old weird
ways to flush these rats out and restore the power of
collective bargaining.
162. Onnazumo
The conservative forces within professional sumo
have long denied women the right to enter the
dohyo due to the so-called impurity of menstrual
blood, but no longer.
You reject the authority of the Blood Bowl Sutra and
the squeamishness of kami prudes, and will form an
official female sumo wrestling league.
Beware the political and occult connections of the
sumo conservatives and their allies in the Yakuza.
163. Rent Strike
Things haven't been easy since the LA adepts were
beaten back from San Francisco, but you've made it
work in a multi-racial working-class collective living
space for checkers and ponies. Things are crowded
but fair and firm rules keep tensions from boiling
over.
There was an attempt to build an Otherspace in a
linen closet but it was defined as a "conscious living
space" so now no-one inside it can sleep, or die.
Your long-benevolent landlord has died and the
property has come under the administration of a
rental company, who have hiked the rent. They may
want to demolish the building, and have elements in
City Hall on their side.
You’re not going to stand for this. You’re going on a
rent strike, and hopefully you can convince the
company’s other tenants to join you.
164. Repatriation
You are a cabal of indigenous and post-colonial
people around the world who met by synchronicity
in London and discovered you share the same goal:
to retrieve the cultural artifacts stolen from your
people and placed in the British Museum.
42
 ν: Eating From the Trash Can
Legal and political pressure having failed, You believe this to have been an illegitimate act of
desperate measures are called for. aggression. However, unlike the mainstream
Ryukyu independence movement, you do not seek
You know the place is protected by security as well
a Republic but rather the restoration of the Sh ō
as a Cliomancer and a Collector, but together
dynasty to rule.
your skill sets and mix of magick old and new, you
know you can make sure the artifacts return to their The current legitimate heir is Mamoru Shō, a
rightful homes. businessman who thinks you’re kooks but he’ll
come around once you get the kijimuna banyan
165. Leave Means Leave
tree spirits and the sea dragon king on side.
When the agreement
167. Vinlander National
was forged, it made
Council
sense.
In 2016, the Canadian
As sister cities within
government recognized the
the European Union, it
aboriginal status of the Métis
made sense when the
and unrecognized Indian
Urbanomancers (more
tribes, but they did not extend
like Villamancers
that status to you.
really) of North
Baddesley and the You are Vinlanders,
French communes of descended from Vikings who
Authie and Carpiquet settled and intermarried with
performed the great Native Americans in the
ritual binding the two Maritimes centuries ago.
urban areas in a
Your claims have been
mystical union.
dismissed and even mocked
But the fact is by the government and the
Hampshire voted to historical community, the result
leave the EU, and Britain cannot have its possibly of a Basque fisherman’s curse, but by
independence without cutting off all symbolic ties. Odin’s beard you will defend your heritage and
force Ottawa to recognize you.
However, to seal the deal for your cabal of
Leavers, the Frogs are going to have to agree, and 168. Galt Goes to Sea
they’re not replying on WhatsApp.
Tired of the mooching socialists, your band of
What’s worse is the schism with the Remoaner strapping, hyper-competent Objectivists have
Polisurgists who are desperately trying to keep the decided to take over a small atoll on an island
connection active. You need to convince them all nation to found a self-actualized capitalist
that Brexit means Brexit once and for all. paradise.

166. Gusuku
In 1879, the Ryukyu kingdom was annexed by
Meiji Japan to become the Okinawa Prefecture,
with the king Shō Tai deposed and sent in exile to
Tokyo.
Now you just need to worry about the con men
and wreckers in your own ranks as well as the
military forces of nearby statists, who are bleating
about “sovereignty” and “neo-colonialism”.
Did anyone think to bring drinking water?

43
 ν: Eating From the Trash Can
169. Good Cunt
The c word is considered one of the most offensive
English language words in the United States,
associated with vulgar and vicious misogyny.
Yet, with the exception of red haired stepchild
Canada, in Commonwealth countries the word is
ubiquitous and relatively mild, with contextual
connotations which could be positive, negative, or
neutral.
You love the word too much to allow the North
American situation to continue.
170. Glass Ceiling
There is no reason why the Navigator’s Club in
London should control the Merchant’s Chamber with
their old boy’s club rules and Oxbridge smirks.
Each of you has been prevented from making your
Hajj because of their misogynistic traditions, and
you’re not going to take it.
You will stake a new and more just Claim with a few
judicious trades, a hell of a sales pitch, and perhaps
some help from demons with grudges.
171. War on Christmas, Michigan
You are one of multiple anti-Christmas cabals
converging on this festively named skiing town in the
Upper Peninsula with the intent of weakening the
Christian holiday in favor of your own.
Whether you are ultra-rationalist celebrants of the
birthday of Isaac Newton, libertine classicists
debauching in honor of Saturn, or Germanic neo-
Pagans toasting Yule, that is for you to decide.
172. Swan Republic
Swan maidens were long a part of European
folklore, yet no one has seen one in centuries.
This is because all the surviving ones are under the
control of the vile House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha
or “Windsor”, who use dark German magick to keep
them in their so-called mute swan forms.
The Queen and her spawn enslave and consume
the Thames swan maidens to maintain their political
stranglehold on the United Kingdom.
As a cabal of ardent British Republicans, you know
the only way bring down the monarchy is to rescue
the swan maidens from the curse.
44
 ν: Eating From the Trash Can
173. Fringe Tolkienology You are independent toymakers and independent
journalists seeking to infiltrate their secret meeting
You are alternative archaeologists and
in Overland, Missouri and expose them to the
experimental Tolkienologists who have set about
world. If you can lose the black RC helicopters
proving the Silmarillion is a true testament of the
shadowing your every move.
prehistory of planet Earth.
176. Feng Shui Terrorism
While you believe Valinor lies veiled in the
Bermuda triangle, and have heard the Soviets During the occupation period, Imperial Japan
uncovered Dwarven ruins deep in the Ural drove metal stakes into key geomantic points
mountains, you have decided the best way to throughout the Korean peninsula in order to
prove the truth is to excavate Hobbiton: not the weaken the nation.
Hollywood farce they built in Matamata but the
As a group of elderly South Korean hiking fanatics,
original ruins, located somewhere beneath Oxford
you have learned many of the stakes remain intact,
University.
weakening the body politic,
174. More than One and you have sworn to locate
Way to Skin a Cat- and remove them.
Caller
You will endure the mockery of
You’re all tired of the the ignorant, the machinations
cat-calling from the of nationalist Japanese cabals,
construction site, it’s and the deceit of a parallel
not acceptable in this organization in the North.
day and age, but no
Maybe you could try
one seems to be
launching a geomantic
willing to do anything
satellite.
about it.
177. Pleiadian Identity
They’re not worried
either, something in The Aryan Star Brotherhood is
their smug leers tells a white supremacist
you they know they’re protected by something. organization which combines UFOlogy and elflore
with a twisted brand of Agrimancy.
Well, fuck trying to do things their way. It’s the
witching hour. They believe the Nordic aliens are the past/future
forms of the human race, and are planning a
175. Toylumminati
massive sacrifice and ritual to summon them.
There exists a conspiracy at the highest levels of
As activists and members of the Southern Poverty
the toy manufacturing industry, to create an
Law Center’s esoteric division, you need to
oligopoly and produce toys designed to push a
infiltrate them, bamboozle them and shut them
nefarious agenda into the elastic minds of
down before they initiate a race war with flying
America’s children.
saucers.
They are the Build-a-Bear Group.

45
 ξ: Show Business for Ugly People
Political Objectives 181. Every Extreme Is On The Same Team

178. 1600 Pennsylvania Ave You may not agree with each other about, well,
anything, but you know that the centrists are to
You have worked tirelessly in the background as blame for most of the problems in the world.
both White House staff and protectors, keeping the
President of the United States comfortable and safe Your sleepy congressional district is considered
from occult threats over multiple administrations. purple because it flips regularly between left-of-
center and right-of-center candidates you can barely
But the new President is shifting things up, threatening tell apart.
to replace the whole staff, and creating an
unacceptable vulnerability. This election you’re going to run your own
candidate, who combines
Can you win their trust as everything your disparate
you struggle in the ideologies stand for into a
background against eldritch glorious political
forces both foreign and Frankenstein.
domestic?
182. Polling Station for
179. Closing the a Holy Man
Watergate
There is a remote
Scuttlebutt on the Hill is sacred grove in India's
the press is about to release northeast, rumored to be
something damning about home to vicious big cats,
the President. illegal loggers, and
In desperation, the particularly malevolent
Committee to Re-Elect the yakshini.
President has agreed to let At the center lives a holy
you use the more man occupying a pre-Vedic temple.
unorthodox techniques explored by the MK-Ultra
program to protect President Richard Milhous Nixon He’s lived alone for half a century.
from his enemies in the press and the Democratic You're the specialist election officials and
Party. policemen sent to make sure his vote in the
Don’t get caught, we’ll deny everything. national election is counted.

180. The Mayor is a Bitch 183. Voodoo Economics

When a large dog was elected mayor of a small
Midwestern town, the media and internet loved it.
Now the hound is seizing dictatorial power.
The Sheriff's Department has vastly expanded its K9
division and dozens of US Postal workers have gone
missing.
But the mail always goes through.
Okay, so the drastic economic reforms your
charismatic leader pushed through the legislature
haven’t exactly borne fruit.
The plebs are getting restless.
Perhaps some arcane accounting and literal
financial wizardry can get just enough wealth to
trickle down so pitchfork mobs don’t form outside
the palace gates.

46
 ξ: Show Business for Ugly People
184. Flip-flopping
The new Agents of the Room of Cold Reflection
and the Room of Rusted Things have turned out to be
way too concerned with mundane politics and are
using the House of Renunciation to wage an
ideological war.
The Agent of Cold Reflection is a radical centrist who
has been swallowing Firebrands and political
idealists and spitting out cringing moderates.
The ideology of the Agent of Rusted Things is unclear
they’re clearly some kind of Accelerationist taking
middle-of-the-road independents and the “non-
political” and turning them into extremists of various
stripes.
The political landscape is becoming rapidly chaotic,
and you are Agents of a Room of the House
designed to deal with rogue Agents.
185. Attempt
One of you must take a bullet for the President, but
none of you are actually in the Secret Service.
You need to orchestrate this event on live television
without killing either your cabal member or the
President, and also without getting caught.
You can’t do it in Dallas, it’s barren there.
186. Mandela Coup
Yesterday, you were the personal staff of the
President of the United States, an eloquent,
sagacious, popular leader of the free world.
Today, your Commander-in-Chief is a drunk in a
trailer park and the person sitting in the Oval Office
is someone ridiculous.
You don’t know why you’re the only ones who
remember what happened, but you need to figure
out how to reverse it before the country ends up
completely messed up.
187. Swords Against the Spear Newt
As the Court of the True King of your congressional
district, you watched in horror as gerrymandering
reduced the size of his kingdom and brought about a
bloody turf war with neighboring Urbanomancers.
The kingdom has recovered, but a new census looms
and word has it the state legislature plans to maintain
its partisan hold on power with further district
restructuring.
Though it pains you as monarchists, you have no
option but to intervene in the democratic process, lest
your weakened sovereign fall before aggressors or
usurpers.
47
 ξ: Show Business for Ugly People
188. Filibuster
Senator Tamworth is an old, old man, but the
only thing stopping this awful piece of legislation
from being passed is if he can filibuster for 25
hours straight, longer than Strom Thurmond in
1957.
The other party and the media think he’s doomed,
but they don’t know you’ll be in the background
weaving a tapestry of secret arts in his favor.
Remember, there are sorcerers in town with an
interest in this bill, and the closer you get to the
finish line the worse they will throw at the elder
statesman.
189. Whistleblower
You are political troubleshooters and partisan
supporters for a beleaguered Prime Minister facing
a revolt from the back benches.
They have been receiving incriminating information
about the PM in the post from one Lord Rupert
Cognoscent, and while the PM won’t give details
they seem very concerned.
Cognoscent is threatening to release what he
knows to the opposition party, or worse to the
press, unless he is given something that’s “worth
more to me than a Major Charge”, whatever the
bloody hell that means.
190. Yahhh!
The 2004 Iowa Democratic caucus has ended,
and you're a cabal of Deaniacs whose dreams are
on the verge of being screamed enthusiastically to
oblivion.
You need to defeat the media frenzy and howling
laughter of nascent internet troll before you can set
Howard Dean on a course to win in New
Hampshire.
And in South Carolina and Arizona and North
Dakota and New Mexico…
191. Wormwood Plebiscite
It is 1908, and you are a cabal of bohemian
artists, anarchists, and political exiles living in
Switzerland, united by a spiritual connection to the
Green Goddess.
A recent murder has caused a moral panic against
absinthe all over Europe, and Switzerland will
soon hold a referendum to ban the wonderful
liquor.
If you cannot influence the Swiss public against the
prohibition, you will lose access to your greatest
muse as a wave of prohibitionism spreads across
Europe, and you may end up having to live in
Spain.
Or worse, England.
48
 ξ: Show Business for Ugly People
192. The Constant Lizardman
There is a concept in social science research that
roughly 4-5% of people will respond to polls as if
they are insane, based on a survey which
indicated 4% of Americans believed lizard people
controlled the world.
Problem is, too much of this can be attributed to
user error and deliberate spoiling on the part of
the respondent.
As statistics wonks and sociologists, you have
come to the conclusion that social problems in the
United States will never be solved unless at least
4% of the American population believes they are
lizard people controlling the world.
Then the numbers will align and utopia reign.
193. Abe and Jack
Ah, the famous Kennedy-Lincoln assassination
connection: both men elected to Congress in ‘46,
the Presidency in ‘60, both with seven letters in
their surname, both assassinated by Southerners
known by three names and succeeded by
Southerners named Johnson, etc, etc.
Well, it’s the 2060s, and you are the occult secret
service dedicated to protecting President Nedy-Lin,
whose career follows the trajectory of the curse.
You’re also required to keep tabs on the
President’s more esoteric political enemies: the
Tusked Ass cultist wing of the Democratic
Republican Party, English Republican Army
sympathizers, and a newly elected Chinese
Chancellor who seems set on spending their entire
state visit really, really stoned.
49
 ο: International Incidents
Geopolitical Objectives
194 Shoot Down Sputnik
It’s 1957, and the Soviets have launched a metal
ball into space to menace the free world with
incessant beeping.
While Washington is in crisis, you are godfearing
Americans come together with one purpose: blast
that Ruskie robot out of orbit with magick as it
passes over US soil.
195. Cod Wars, God Wars
You are a cabal of fishermen stuck in the middle
of an international dispute over fishing rights and
maritime exclusion lines.
The other side appears to be winning in the court
of global opinion and geopolitical interest, but
your livelihoods are at stake, and you know the
foreign fishermen are worshiping the wrong sea
deity.
As the United Nations and the Invisible Clergy
deliberate, can you net a victory over the sea
heathens?
196. Aesop’s Non-Proliferation
Rumors have been spreading at the International
Atomic Energy Agency that someone in Pakistan
has got a hold of a goose that lays enriched
uranium eggs.
It’s a big joke to everyone concerned, but
GNOMON doesn’t think so, and he’s picked you
poor suckers to go get it.
197. Peace Accord
You are diplomats on opposite sides of an
intractable geopolitical conflict who have come
together on based on a shared secret and the goal
of permanent peace.
Decades ago, your leaders both studied at
Cambridge and apparently were an item. It didn’t
end well, and their bad blood is part of why the
blood of your countrymen is being spilled..
A summit is coming up orchestrated by a neutral
power, it’s up to your cabal to make sure the
atmosphere is romantic enough to spark their old
flame and end the war.
198. Putsch
You are the supporters of the President in a
developing country whom after three terms has just
lost the election to a charismatic grassroots leader
vowing to clean up corruption in the government.
You need to make sure that doesn’t happen, but you
don’t think the military will back you this time, nor
will the public.
That is, unless you can plant evidence to make them
believe this upstart used witchcraft to sway the
election.
With enough fear and superstition whipped up, the
country won’t mind a second election, or a coup.
If you have to use witchcraft to make this happen,
then that’s a price the President is willing for you to
pay.
50
 ο: International Incidents
199. Killing Castro
The cooperation between the CIA and the Mafia
to develop a plot to kill Fidel Castro failed, but
during that time the wise guys told the spooks bizarre
stories about the failed relationship between La
Cosa Nostra and the occult underground.
It raised some interest. Sounds deniable.
Strings have been pulled to give you a small budget
to investigate this so-called mystical underbelly of
American society for the
sole purpose of finding
a way to use magick to
kill the President of
Cuba.
200. Fertility Goddess
An archaeological
expedition in the
Chalcolithic proto-city of
Çatalhöyük uncovered
something very
interesting, what
appears to be a golem
millenia older than that of Ein Sof.
It is described as a corpulent and fertile Mother
Goddess wrought of clay, seated on a stone chair
surrounded by bones upon discovery, and it has
expressed a desire to breed more of its kind.
An attempt by the Turkish government to destroy the
prehistoric golem were foiled when it was seized by
Kurdish paramilitary forces, and now a number of
players are vying to secure the asset: Israeli
intelligence forces, ex-ISIS fighters, Affinite
missionaries among the peshmerga, a TNI-linked
private military contractor, GNOMON-compromised
renegade US special forces, and even hapless
burger-flippers from a McDonald’s location in
Gaziantep driving around in an old Toyota Corolla.
And you guys.
201. Insidious Insurgency
It’s been almost 20 years since the US military
invaded Hell, or rather a rogue special project
occupied an Otherspace created by an insane 16th
century theologian, and they’re still hunkered down
in their Green Zone in the center of Dis.
You are lost souls, indigenous devils, and rogue
veterans dedicated to liberating the Inferno from
American occupation.
202. Bletchley Paranormal
It’s WW2. Each of you has
solved the January 13, 1942
Daily Telegraph cryptic
crossword fast enough to be
recruited by British military
intelligence, but each of you
is too weird or otherwise
unacceptable to be assigned
to the Enigma project.
Your mission is more secret,
and more vital: Nazi
occultists are manipulating
synchronicity for their war effort, and you need to
crack the Black Sun Cipher before it’s too late.
203. Restitution
In southern Bavaria, there is a 19th century castle
called Schloss Tatzelwurm which doesn’t look like
much but is much bigger and more grandiose on
the inside than on the outside.
During the War, the Nazi Phobomancers used the
twisting and unreliable interior to hide a massive
vault of magickal artifacts from across Europe.
You are members of a secretive order within the
Allies’ Monuments, Fine Arts, and Archives
program who are being tasked with infiltrating the
castle, dealing with any holdouts you find within,
and claim the magickal artifacts for their rightful
owners (or, you know, Allied governments).
51
 ο: International Incidents
204. Darker and Edgier
You know what Team Salvation was, and what
happened after Paragon was killed.
Spacebrother now works for the NSA, the Night
Watchman was recruited by the Blue Line,
Speedfreak is an ESPN commentator, Amazon and
the Atlantean disappeared into academia.
But they used to be heroes. Talisman has shown you
as much.
He’s also told you how in 2003 a Fed stole the Ajna
Ring while Talisman was in holding on a
manslaughter charge.
He went down for that, but he’s out now and
believes the ring was used in interrogations in
Guantanamo Bay.
You are the grittier and sexier rebooted Team
Salvation, and your first mission is to break into
Gitmo and get the ring back.
205. Terrorist’s Vehicle of Choice
When you bound his soul into his Toyota Hilux and
sent it to the auto wrecker’s to be cubed, you all
thought the long and bloody war with the vicious
Viaturge named Holy Roller was finally over.
Now you’ve seen his pissing Calvin decal and vanity
license plate again on a BBC News report on the
Boko Haram insurgency in northern Nigeria.
While you’re almost certain he remains trapped and
cannot be exerting influence over the terrorists, if
you’re wrong you couldn’t live with yourself.
How to find him and destroy as he prowls the
wartown roads of Bornu state, that’s another matter.
Travel Objectives
206. Taured Terminal
You arrived on the redeye to discover your country
of origin no longer exists, and never did.
Without a visa or a passport that anyone will accept,
you and your small band of compatriots are stuck in
the airport terminal until you can figure out just what
happened to your home country.
207. Locked Up Abroad
This party island doesn’t technically exist, being an
Otherspace tucked away in a Bali airport bathroom
which was created by a drug-addled expatriate duke
in the 70s only to be discovered by backpacking
hipster ponies decades later.
Your trip inside has taken a turn for the worse after
running afoul of bizarre local laws and you’ve been
thrown in prison where not all the inmates are
human, and you can’t speak the language.
Can you escape?
52
 ο: International Incidents
208. Ghengisids
You are some of the roughly 16 million
descendants of Genghis Khan, but each of you is
convinced you alone are the rightful heir to the
Mongol Empire.
After some initial tension, you have decided to join
forces in order to journey to Khentii Aimag, find the
Great Khan’s lost tomb, raise his spirit, and demand
he formally choose his successor.
Then you’ll take over the world.
209. Hippie Trail
Gypsy Wind is a groovy old wizard who has
promised to take you all on as disciples, teaching
you the wisdom of decades in the psychedelic
underground.
But you have to prove yourselves by retracing his
journey along the famous Hippie Trail in his classic
Volkswagen van back in the ‘60s.
The van has a painting of him and two of his
girlfriends engaged in Tantric sex on the side, and
you’ll need to travel through Iran, Taliban-controlled
areas of Afghanistan, and Karen rebel territory in
northern Burma to complete the journey, but he is
confident in your precocious mystic abilities.
210. Absconsion
A long and bloody turf war between your cabal
and a Taiwanese Taoist-Buddhist-UFO cult ended in
victory for your side after you got on a plane to raid
your enemy’s commune on the outskirts of Taichung
and render their Grey Buddha Altar inoperative.
The only hitch is that you were arrested for criminal
damage, assault, and several counts of manslaughter
(they weren’t real!) and now you’re facing serious
prison time.
You have been released on bail, but your passports
have been taken away and the remnants of the cult
are still gunning for you.
Good news is your home country doesn’t have an
extradition treaty with Taiwan, so if you can figure
out a way to get off this island in one piece, you’ll
get off scot-free.
211. Digging to China
There is a cabal on the other side of the world with
whom you desperately want to make a trade, but
your enemies have made it impossible for you to
leave the confines of your base of operations.
But they haven’t prepared for you to go directly
down into the earth, and your counterparts have
agreed to try to meet you halfway.
53
 π: Devil’s Substitute for Joy
Entertainment Objectives But the Sleepers are wise to you and poisoned the
well with all the local broadcasters, so you’re
212. I Watch It So You Don’t Have To going to have to get creative.
Each of you produces review videos for an 215. That's All Folks
online platform dominated by an overbearing
charismatic personality. The platform is run by his Every year he appeared as Santa Claus on the
asshole brother, who de-platforms anyone who local news and every year he brought a new one
can’t produce enough content in time. of you to life: classic characters from the golden
age of cartoons.
They’re gearing up for a
massive anniversary special, You lived together on his
a vanity project that will suck private ranch hidden
the time and dignity out of from the world, forced
everyone involved. You have to reenact cartoons for
formed a conspiracy to a jeering live audience
subvert this project and take of occult weirdos every
the assholes down a peg or New Year’s Eve.
two. This year he came back
213. Lords of Late Night from the studio, placed
his hands on the
You are minor producers, television screen to give
assistants and interns on a birth to another
late night talk show, but there hostage, and dropped
is trouble afoot. dead.
The host is under threat from You are free.
the machinations of the
recently retired host with You have powers and
secret powers of persuasion, and the network is knowledge, but before you leave this place there is
getting skittish about falling ratings. unfinished business.

The team worked too hard for this to all be for
nothing, but your cabal could be all that stands in
the way of humiliation and exile to TBS.
214. Two-for-One
You’re a television cult, and two of you are
actual Videomancers. You have hatched a plan,
perform the Ritual of Union on live television.
If all goes well, the surviving Videomancer should
have increased magick and TWO Major Charges.
The show will go on, but you're going to kill every
one of your tormenters.
Note: You're not sure what dying while holding on
to a Major Charge does to a Videomancer but his
soul may be inside the TV.
216. Mujaddid Radio
Several years ago, a populist Islamist (of sorts)
demagogue in a Middle Eastern country of your
choice attempted a coup against the government.
After being soundly spanked by regime forces, he
ended up in exile in Massachusetts.

54
 π: Devil’s Substitute for Joy
While licking his wounds, he has become 218. Eldritch Fansub
enamoured with American conservative talk radio,
The banned cult anime Saigo no zankoku has never
and has decided to use the assets he filched from
been broadcast after a disastrous premiere in the
supporters in his home country to turn himself into
early 90s, and it has never even been translated into
a talkback radio personality.
English, as all those who have tried have gone mad,
And you’re the people he’s paying to ensure his killed themselves, or suffered strange accidents.
success.
You have a VCD of the whole first season, and as
His English is fine, though his idiolect is distinct and dedicated fansubbers (or otaku posers) desperate to
off-putting, and he’s certainly charismatic; it’s his make a name for yourselves, you will translate this
uncharitable views on American society and unholy text.
certain segments within it that are going to make
219. The Rise, Fall, and Rise of Selena!
your jobs difficult.
Despite going through several incarnations over
217. Border Blitzkrieg
the decades, the Selena! fandom is as strong as
It is 1940, and the Mexican border blaster ever, or at least it was until last week.
station XHEIL is broadcasting a powerful signal
An entire cottage industry of memes and retweets
that can be picked up over most of the United
has evaporated overnight, for seemingly no reason,
States.
and Selena’s engagement numbers and ad revenue
The English language programming is a mix of have collapsed.
advertising for companies with dangerous occultic
Each of you has an identity linked directly to Selena
products and services, anti-Semitic preaching, and
Ramirez, either magickal or otherwise, and you seem
the advocation of continued American isolationism.
to have been immune to the effect.
One program in particular, hosted by one Herr
Rumor has it a motumancer or sociomancer may
Schrecken, appears to be influencing US listeners
have used a Major charge to wipe out the entire
with some kind of powerful fear magick.
fandom.
You believe in order to get the United States to
No matter. You can rebuild.
enter the war, XHEIL needs to be taken off the air.

55
 π: Devil’s Substitute for Joy
220. Studio Interference 223. Golden Raspberry
A major studio has commissioned a soft reboot You have managed to convince the studio your
of the mediocre 1990s scifi series Warstar-7, set in project is a near-assured Oscar success, and they
an alternate timeline from the original canon with have given you a significant budget and expect
more sex and contemporary political commentary. you to bring together an extremely talented cast
and production crew.
This would be fine if not for the fact the showrunner
is Mitchell Voorhees, a former Mak and extremely But this is a shame.
powerful Videomancer, who has brought in a
Attention is magick, but the purest magick is not
gaggle of occult oddballs to take over various
from admiration, no, it is from cultural
production duties.
rubbernecking, the
221. Beating Evita decision of millions to
subject themselves to
Each one of you has
something objectively
been nominated for Best
terrible for fun and
Supporting Actress, but
social cache.
you know it’s a sham.
You don’t want an
Hollywood darling Evita
Oscar, oh no.
Christina is the surefire
bet. You want to win a
Razzie.
But she has wronged each
and every one of you in 224. Discredited
disgustingly low ways, Tropes
and you don’t care which
You are friends of an
one of you actually wins,
old and powerful
as long as it’s not her.
Cinemancer who
It’s two days until the knows forgotten
ceremony, can you use formula spells and
your acting and mystical talents to swing the wants to get back into the occult underground after
judges and the general public against this foul years of isolation.
flavor of the month?
However, a lot of the cinema tropes he is most
222. Nollywood Babylon adept with are offensively outdated, particularly
his limp-wristed “fruit” and his “jive turkey” bits.
You have a dream, to shoot the greatest science
fiction epic in Nigerian cinema history and unite You’re worried that if he gets shunned or attacked
the separate Ibo, Hausa, and Yoruba film for his outmoded cinematic language, he’ll slink
industries under a single African Futurist banner. back into isolation, but he is stubborn as hell.
Your budget may be low, but you know magick You need to get him to change and grow while
could easily substitute for expensive special effects, thinking he’s coming up with the idea all on his
if you can cast the right leads and wrangle some own.
additional funding.

56
 π: Devil’s Substitute for Joy
225. Crack’d
The Sirius Broadcast Group owns over a hundred
local television stations across the US, known for its
conservative leanings and mandated must-read
canned segments broadcast verbatim nationwide.
So far so sinister, but you have discovered turns of
phrase and entire must-read segments have been
liften verbatim from John Wigan’s “Cruel Ones”
cosmology notorious on corners of the internet.
This is what your research has revealed ever since
the company purchased your comedy website and
announced plans to axe the entire video team.
You believe they plan to use your site’s popularity
among young Millennials and zoomers to spread
Wigan’s dark word to a new generation.
You have one last chance to upload an exposé in
the guise of a comedy video to stop their vile
machinations.
Music Objectives
226. Supergroup
You once had careers as members of hit bands, but
since going solo your careers have hit the rocks.
Encountering music’s occult underground hasn’t
helped matters, but it did bring you together.
Can you bring together your disparate genre styles,
magickal predilections and warring egos to form a
supergroup to rock the Clergy?
227. Following the Dead
It’s the 1970s, you are innocent roadies for the
greatest rock band in American history, and they’re
all dead after a wild party gone awry.
It’s up to you to resurrect, reanimate, impersonate or
recreate them in time for their final show.
228. Concours
You are musicians from an unrecognized European
statelet - Abkhazia, Transnistria, or northern Cypress -
attempting to be accepted into and ultimately win the
Eurovision contest in order to push for the
international recognition of your homeland and
ascension to the EU.
You believe you can use magick and patriotism to
outmaneuver enemies and foils, but you’re not the
only ones using the song contest to push a mystical
agenda.
57
 π: Devil’s Substitute for Joy
229. This One is for my Haters
You are the production team and entourage of a
controversial up-and-coming performer that died
tragically young.
They’ve come back as a revenant insisting on
performing one last show before passing through
the Veil.
Obvious solution is to
play it off as a
hologram, even though
some will say it’s too
soon.
Worse is the fact they
are insisting on calling
out each and every one
of their perceived
enemies during the
performance, and won’t
be on the mortal coil for
the defamation suits
sure to follow.
230. Hell’s Honky
Tonk
Each of you have a history performing in
Christian country music ensembles. Each of you is
now an independent artist. Each of you has,
separately, dedicated yourself to Satan.
You have formed your own band but most of the
record labels won’t touch you. You have decided
the only way to get your name and message out
there is to perform at the CMA Music Festival in
Nashville, Tennessee, but there are people out
there desperate to blacklist you.
You need to figure out a way to fool the Country
Music Association for long enough to get on stage
in front of thousands of people and spread the
Devil’s Great News.
And survive the aftermath.
101001101 Objectives
231. Elven Event Permit
You are agents of 101001101 trying to set up a
pitch-black silent disco event under the aurora
borealis on the lava plain of Reykjanes, Iceland,
but you have been warned by the locals that the
area you have chosen is home to a particularly
conservative
community of
huldufólk, or elves.
The Rahyab has taken
these reports
extremely seriously,
and ordered you to
acquire permission
from the hidden
people before
proceeding with the
dance party.
Tickets have already
sold out.
232. False Flag Rave
101001101 is planning to stage a Ghostlight
event/performance/relentless fucking experience
at the Six Flags theme park in Texas.
However, the Sleepers have caught wind of the
plan and you know they have already staged
assets in the park to spoil things: they’ll let the
event happen, but they’re going to sabotage any
attempts at a collective hallucination.
The Rahyab has personally placed you in charge
of running a decoy Raving, decked out with occult
and DMT bullshit with some minor unnatural
flimflam so that when they shut you down, they’ll
think their job is done and ignore the real Raving
next month until it’s too late.
Don’t betray us, try not to get killed, and remember
to give it some razzmatazz.
58
 ρ: All in the Game
Criminal Objectives
233. 13 Reasons Why I Know What You Did Last
Summer
Look, it was high school. You weren’t the nicest
people, but you didn’t think she’d kill herself over it,
and you certainly didn’t think she’d come back as a
vengeful revenant with a hook for a hand leaving
accusatory videotapes on the corpses of her victims.
She’s already killed twice, can the rest of you banish
or appease her spirit before she guts you, while also
enjoying your freshman year at college?
234. Run for the Border
Johnny Law has caught wise to your crimes after a
particularly spectacular screw-up, and your only
hope is to escape to Mexico. ‘
There’s only thousands of miles, a federal task-force
with a Blue Line plant, and the angry ghosts of those
you wronged standing in your way.
235. They have Cement Shoes in My Size
You all owe the Mafia a lot of money, and gutter
sorcery is your only hope to come up with the cash
in time.
Just don’t let the Mob find out you’re doing it,
because they’ll whack some wizards even without an
outstanding debt.
236. Les Incompétents
Every Christmas, the most powerful family in the
occult underground goes on vacation, leaving their
home filled with powerful artifacts and tomes in the
charge of a maniacal, unaging eight-year-old with a
murderous command of improvised instruments of
death and destruction.
And you’re going to take him down.
You dirty animals.
59
 ρ: All in the Game
237. Get Busy Living Well, except for whatever magickal and
technological defenses they’ve installed.
You are convicted chargers being held in a
maximum security private prison for magick-users, 240. You Meddling Kids
operated by a Sleeper-owned company and
It was the perfect plan, dress up in some
guarded by ex-TNI and Blue Line veterans with no
costumes with some judiciously applied unnatural
sense of humor.
phenomena to
You’re going to scare the hell out of
escape. these tenants and
get them to move
238. Shakedown
out of their rent-
The Don has been controlled
possessed by a properties so you
demon, but no one can redevelop the
else in the Mob area and make
wants to hear it, he’s millions.
still a strong leader.
But then this
You are made men vanload of fearless,
with a history of gormless kids
killing adepts and arrived, a Narco-
cracking avatar Alchemist, and a
skulls, but now you damn talking dog,
need to go to the and they’re
occult underground threatening to blow
hat in hand (or gun the whole thing.
in hand) in order to
You need to get
find someone who
them to zoink off,
can get that spirit out
before they jinkies
of your boss’s head.
up your whole
239. Looters plan.
Hurricane Dolly 241. Disposal
has hit southern Florida hard, and there has been
You knew killing him would be hard. You knew
a mass evacuation.
getting rid of the body would be a complex and
This has included the estate of the Kumyar clan, the fraught operation.
family of avatars who have dominated local
What you didn’t expect was his vengeful revenant to
politics from the shadows for generations.
appear before the corpse was even cold and start
Somewhere in their gated estate is a locked vault
fucking with you.
containing the Tetradrachm of Cleon, a Major
artifact tied to the Demagogue. You need to figure out how to deal with this body
and this noisy ass ghost without the police or his
You have your own political scheme which needs
allies figuring out what you’ve done.
the boost, and the estate is wide open.

60
 σ: These are their Stories
Police Objectives
242. Contraventores
In the chaos of the Whisper War, the Lisboa-Santos
Mind Gate was seized by a Portugeuse crime
syndicate in conjunction with corrupt cops and illicit
jogo do bicho “bankers” in Brazil.
European financial criminals are using the Gate to
avoid prosecution by exchanging bodies with young
and unlucky gamblers.
You are a secretive Interpol Task Force formed to
take the Mind Gate Mafia down without media
attention or prompting too many questions from
mundane law enforcement agencies.
243. Six More Weeks
Pauxtetawney Phil is wanted for fraud by the state
of Pennsylvania as spring stays away, but the police
there appear to be treating the whole thing as a
joke.
So you have formed a posse to track down the
prognosticating rodent and make the groundhog pay
for his crimes. Watch out for time loops.
244. Mindhunter Over Matter
It’s the ‘70s.
After conventional means of tracking down a serial
killer have failed, the FBI has formed a covert squad
of experts in what critics outside of the Bureau call
pseudoscience and woo.
You may not have a lot of funding and your office is
in the basement, but you’ve got a badge and
inexplicable powers.
245. Moose May Not Be Viewed From An
Airplane
Sure, it seems like a big joke, a “dumb law”, to the
public, to internet listicles, even to the police force
themselves.
But it’s STATE LAW, and you’re going to make damn
sure it’s enforced.
You just need to make an example, and a comedian
from out of town is the perfect target.
61
 σ: These are their Stories
Legal Objectives
246. Chupacabra Ate My Baby
You are the legal team of a couple whose child
was carried off by a notorious cryptid, and no one
believes them.
Can you prove their story, despite the skepticism of
the court, the mockery of the media, the suspicion of
the Sleepers and the cabal of weirdo British big
game hunters dedicated to stopping you?
247. Night Court
You are bickering siblings whose mother has recently
died, which should mean inheriting her wealth and
valuable artifacts.
But she is disappointed with you, and has come back
from the grave to sue you in occult court.
Either you all win or you all lose, the money and
artifacts are confiscated by the Sleepers.
Can you prove your worth to the inhuman judge, the
jury of unsympathetic peers, and your poor dead
mother?
248. Testimony
An amiable but decidedly uncanny non-human
entity was the only eyewitness to a brutal slaying,
and if it doesn’t take the stand, your case is going to
fall apart.
You need to make it look human and coach it on
how to respond to questioning without going off on
nonsensical or disturbing tangents.
Careful now, the highly paid defense attorney knows
about the occult underground too.
62
 σ: These are their Stories

249. Jimmy Wouldn’t Do That

Your best friend is going to spend the rest of his life
behind bars for a crime he (probably) didn’t commit.
You may not like each other, but together you can
find (or create) the evidence to clear his name. Or at
least get the prosecution to completely mess up their
case.
250. In All Legal Senses Except the Physical, I
am a Wolf
You are part of a militia compound of Sovereign
Citizen furries raided by the ATF for a litany of
offenses.
The alphas are up on major charges, and you have
been chosen by your community to serve as the legal
and PR team for the accused and your way of life in
general, to prove in the face of a hostile court,
media, and public opinion that your right to yiff and
bear arms shall not be infringed.
251. Duress
A war criminal sets in a cell in The Hague awaiting
trial, but a campaign of assassination and unnatural
intimidation means no one will to testify to his crimes.
There is one man who knows everything, a
Cryptomancer, but he refuses to speak on record: he
is sitting on a Major charge and does not want to
break taboo before spending it, and “the time is not
yet ripe”.
There is increasing political pressure on the ICC to
push the case forward or let the former dictator go,
so you need to figure out how to break the weasel
and force him to testify.
Blue Line Objectives
252. Artifice of Killing
When the Blue Line found the Mechanomancer
serial killer Drillbit Scott, the gearhead was comatose
having placed all his memories into a docile
clockwork calling itself Adam Ten-thousand-and-two.
The clockwork was not destroyed for fear the act
could cause Drillbit to regain his faculties in his
secured hospital room with an undetermined number
of minor charges. Adam is in a safehouse, but not all
the bodies have been found and one of the victims
may still be alive.
There is a theory that the memories used by Drillbit to
create Adam may be accessible to the entity.
You are to gather as much information as you can
(both forensics and divination as appropriate) to
recreate Drillbit’s murder scenes for Adam Ten-
thousand-and-two, it could jog some transferred
pseudomemory and finally close this case.
253. Witless Protection
The cartel has been using magick to keep ahead of
the mundane authorities and even the Blue Line.
You’ve scored a victory, an eyewitness with enough
evidence to take down the cartel’s US operations for
good.
They’re in Witness Protection, but they’re an
entropomancer, and they just can’t help themself.
With the cartel sending out stoolie dowsers and the
bodybag gagging for some tasty risk, you need to
keep them alive long enough for the case to go to
trial.

63
 τ: Empirical Method to the Madness
“Scientific” Objectives
254. Wow!
Your superiors at SETI have been in a tizzy ever
since the radio telescope picked up the strong,
repeating signal, and a debate is raging over
whether or not to inform the media.
You know the truth, it isn’t a message from
extraterrestrials, but a direct missive from the Invisible
Clergy.
If you could only decode it and respond, you would
have a direct line to shaping reality.
255. Transcendent Medium
The astrologers and cosmognomers are in
agreement, as the Voyager 1 space probe has left
the heliosphere it is coming dangerously close to the
point when the false veil of stars and galaxies falls
away and the truth of the Invisible Clergy is
revealed.
It may just drive to madness a handful of NASA
scientists, but the fact is its remaining operational
instruments may glimpse the fearful truth of reality
and transmit it back to an unsuspecting world.
The Voyage must end.
256. Journey to the Bottom of the Earth
According to the deprecated science of
Lawsonology, the Earth draws nutrients from space
through suction at the North pole, and expels them
at a point in the Antarctic known as the Earth’s anus.
Despite Lawson’s untimely death and the derision of
the scientific community, you plan to mount an
expedition to the gaping chasm and bring back
video proof of global flatulence.
257. Aerial and Excellent Vimana
You are preparing a presentation for the Indian
Science Congress, hoping to prove to the skeptics
that during the Vedic age there were more powerful
aircraft than exist today, armed with powerful light
weapons and able to travel to other planets.
You have what you believe to be the remnants of one
of these craft, a vimana, but it is fused into rock in the
disputed territory of Kashmir and Jammu.
You are going to have to use special techniques in
order to get it free and in working order to fly down
to Mumbai and demonstrate the technical superiority
of ancient India.
64
 τ: Empirical Method to the Madness
258. Blood Against Global Warming
You know climate change is caused by the sun, not
carbon dioxide emissions, but you acknowledge it is
due to human action: specifically, the centuries of
failure to offer a sacrifice to Huitzilopochtli.
Unless the Great Pyramid at Tenochtitlan is
reconsecrated with the blood of thousands willing to
give their service to pay humanity’s debt to the gods,
the ice caps will be gone by 2050.
259. Mystic MythBusters
Yes, magick is real.
But magick has rules, and there are a lot of con
artists and fools out there spreading lies and
nonsense, like the idea you can turn ten significant
charges into a major charge by collecting the astral
droppings of a thaumovore, or that you can survive a
failed Ritual of Union by building a memory palace.
You use science and gutter magick to disprove the
worst of the woo that exists in the occult
underground.
The myth of the moment is that stealing a feather
from a Cruel One will grant immortality. You don’t
want to do this, but if you don’t disprove that a lot of
ponies are going to end up disemboweled.
260. Where’s your Boiling Point Now?
You have been in a long argument with a cabal in
Canada of smug surrationalists who claim that while
magick can break the laws of physics, it cannot
change them.
They also happen to be insufferable when it comes
to the Metric system and Celsius being so much more
damn logical than the American system.
So you’re to figure out some kind of ritual or high-
concept gutter magick way to alter the physical
boiling point of water to 99.5 °C, just to wipe the
grins of their Canuck faces.
That shouldn’t cause too many problems, right?
261. Theoretical Agronomy
It is the late 1950s in the Soviet Union, and despite
your best efforts and strict adherence to the Lysenko
planting methods, your collective farm’s harvest is
way below quota and people are starting to panic.
You may all starve this winter, and what’s worse an
inspection committee from the Ministry of Agriculture
is on the way.
The commune has not dared ask directly, but as you
are all known to have experience with the old
“unclean power”, you know they want you to try to
work some magick to save you all from liquidation.
262. Controllers of the Seventh Heaven of
Interstellar Space
It is 1964, and Edward Makuka Nkoloso has
convinced the Zambian government to allow him to
launch a space program to beat the Americans and
Soviets to the moon.
He has recruited you as top-secret consultants: woo
scientists and sorcerers from across the Non-Aligned
Movement. Your mission is no less than sending a
Zambian to the moon, using whatever resources and
power you can supply or obtain.
Be warned, as you approach your goal you will be
subject to increased interest by Western and Soviet
agents, potential sabotage from paranoid
Rhodesians and expropriation by Zimbabwean
independence fighters.
263. Proletarian Fungiculture
In 1991, it was revealed on Soviet television that
Vladimir Illych Lenin consumed so many Mexican
hallucinogens he transformed completely into a
mushroom.
This was later claimed to be a hoax by an
iconoclastic musician, but you know the truth.
If you can get your hands on the spores, you should
be able to clone the Communist leader in the right
conditions, and complete the long-betrayed
Revolution.
65
 τ: Empirical Method to the Madness
Medical Objectives
264. Coomer Cure
You’re all going to die of cancer and the only
thing that can save you is the healing power of the
Orgone Pyramid. Luckily for you, it’s almost time
for No Nut November, a global constriction of
libido that builds up immense reserves of putative
energy. If you can only figure out how to harness
it…
265. It is Actually Brain
Surgery
Your safehouse is surrounded
by monsters, but the line of salt
should keep them at bay.
A pity one of you has suffered a
sudden and possibly unrelated
embolism in their brain and is
near death.
The monsters aren’t leaving any
time soon and none of you has
any medical training, so you’re
going to need to figure out a
workaround.
266. Anti-Vax Apparitions
It was a tragedy, the deaths of a score of middle
aged anti-vaccination campaigners when the
plywood platform they erected to protest from
collapsed under their feet.
But as medical interns in a beleaguered public
hospital, you couldn’t help thinking the accident
may have saved lives.
But not even death can fix crazy, and the anti-
vaxxers have come back as demons to possess the
head doctors and nurses.
You need to dredge up all the mystical knowledge
and powers long suppressed during medical
training in order to exorcize the infectious diseases
ward before a demonic plague cuts through this
vulnerable community.
267. Burning Ward
An Irascimancer managed to get a Major
charge from crashing a political rally and
humiliating a beloved (by some) national figure,
though he was subsequently beaten into a coma
by the supporters.
They earned their Major charge, but the problem
is that they aren’t conscious to use it, so instead it is
leaking out as random magick and unnatural
phenomena in the middle of
a hospital.
The doctors, nursing staff and
patients are starting to lash
out at each other, you need
to figure out a way to get the
soporous fury to either taboo
or spend the charge before
the entire ICU is in flames.
268. Corvid-19
Seeing one crow is bad
luck, two crows good luck,
three crows wealth, four
crows health, five crows
sickness, and six crows death.
There are crows and ravens everywhere now,
making it nearly impossible to keep those numbers
down.
Much of the population is under government-
ordered quarantine in their homes with blacked-out
windows and those brave few on the streets are all
wearing blindfolds.
There are rumors of desperate behind-closed-doors
sacrifices in the name of Odin, Morrighan, and the
raven creator/trickster gods of the Haida and
Tlingit.
You are researchers brought into the CDC’s
expanded Abnormal Pathogen Research Group to
find a cure for the black-winged stealers of souls.
66
 υ: Opioid of the Masses
Religious Objectives
269. Altar on Make-Out Point
It’s the 1950s.
You are an ancient cult charged with performing an
important ritual every ten years on a cliff top
overlooking the city.
However, while you weren’t paying attention, the
area has become popular with teenagers in cars
“necking” and even “petting”. Shameful.
You need to get rid of them, without calling attention
to yourselves.
270. Rumspringa
You are not actually Amish, but rather the
descendents of an isolated population of Alpine
crypto-pagans who hid among the Anabaptists in
their migration to the New World to avoid the tender
attention of the Cecilines.
You have come of age, and have been sent into the
secular world in search of suitable offerings to the
swan-footed crone goddess Perchta.
Choose wisely, or you’ll be the ones with your bellies
slit open and stuffed with straw.
271. Biblical Errata.
The Works of the Flesh Bible is a Kings James Bible
printed in 1842 with an unfortunate error.
In Galatians 5:19-21, it should read, “Now the
works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality,
impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity,
strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions,
divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things
like these. I warn you, as I warned you before,
that those who do such things will not inherit the
kingdom of God.”
In the WotF Bible, the word “not” is omitted.
Most of the print run was destroyed and what few
remained slowly vanished over the years. Now you
know why.
They are all in the possession of a high level
Collector avatar, who believes he owns every single
copy.
He’s wrong. Now, you could sell it to him for a king’s
ransom, but he is an asshole and you don’t want to
give him the satisfaction.
You want to find a way to duplicate this copy, and
flood the world with it, sucking the symbolic power
out of his Collection for good.
67
 υ: Opioid of the Masses

272. Bhakti A never-ending supply of faithful golems would mean

a tactical advantage and a major propaganda coup
You are the followers of a 20th century Indian guru
over Israel.
Rishi-Kadavul who preached in the existence of 333
Perfect Masters in the heavens and their God- 274. Draft-card Sacrifice
realized representatives on the Earth.
You are cryptopagan recent high school graduates
Though he passed away in 1986, you have in 1960s Idaho, and you have spent almost a year
continued to preserve and pass on his teachings to a preparing handsome hunk Johnny Barton to be this
new generation. harvest’s sacrificial Corn King, only for Johnny to
receive his draft card in the mail.
Sure, you got rich skimming off the offerings, but
most of it went to the temples.. The big lug actually wants to go over there, but after
all your troubles you can’t let the reserves of
However, an interloper has arrived, claiming to be
magickal energy be lost to the darned Viet Cong.
the God-realized representative of the Perfect
Devotee with a direct line to Rishi-Kadavul himself. Thanks to your administrations, he’s become such a
fine specimen the military trainers are drooling for
Their new sermons accord perfectly with the
him, so you’re going to have to dig into the old ways
teachings and interviews of the guru, which has
in order to secure a deferment, in the name of the
made your life more difficult.
Goddess.
Killing them will not be enough. They must be
275. Pontius Petroleum
exposed as the charlatan they are.
A miracle worker with messianic tendencies has set
273. Da’wah
the public imagination on fire with his miracles, most
You work for the social welfare arm of the notoriously turning water into petroleum.
Palestinian militant group Hamas, dealing with
His public demonstrations have defied skeptics, to
paranormal incidents in the Gaza strip and treated
the extent he even managed to convert Teller to
somewhat like pariahs by your comrades.
become one of their most vocal disciples, though
You have been placed in charge of a strange Penn refuses to talk about it.
individual detained by the civil police. You believe
Something must be done about this false prophet,
him to be the virgin Ein Sof golem.
this so-called child of God.
After some deliberation by religious leaders, it has
Oh yeah, and you’re not Sleepers, you work for
been decreed this golem must be converted to Islam,
OPEC.
and you’re the ones tasked with doing so, gently.

68
 υ: Opioid of the Masses
276. Profane Qigong
Remember Fu Hsing Hwang?
He’s somehow still alive, and still teaching
Enlightened Tai Chi.
A couple of years ago, a cultish group named
Wujifa stole his techniques and incorporated it into
their teachings, calling it Primal Qigong and
marketing it to the woo health community.
This wouldn’t have been a huge problem except for
the tendency for Wujifa to attract gullible idiots,
some of whom unconsciously followed the path of
the Fool and were therefore able to practice the true
art of Enlightened Tai Chi.
Fu is concerned, because Wujifa has started to
promote the mystical powers of these students in
public demonstrations potentially attracting the
negative attention of the Sleepers and the Chinese
government.
You need to figure out a way to bring these
wayward disciples into the fold.
277. A Service to Protect the Child
You are, or were, a cult dedicated to the raising of
a star child, or an infant Antichrist, or a changeling
rightfully exchanged.
But now you’ve lost them to CPS, and you need to
figure out how to get the infant back before the foster
family ruins or is consumed by them.
278. Friends of the Generalissimo
None of you are actually missionaries, but that was
the story you told the warlord and he somehow
managed to accept it.
Now he’s interested in your mangled theology
cobbled together from half-remembered Sunday
school classes and New Age motivational cliches,
but he has set a task for you.
He despairs for his son’s profligate playboy lifestyle
and has assigned you as his spiritual advisors.
You have a month to get the prodigal son to change
his ways, or you’ll get a close introduction to the
country’s vicious national animal.
279. Bigger Love
You're sister wives in an illegal polygamist
marriage somewhere in a suburban sprawl, and your
husband just died of misadventure.
The death could bring official scrutiny and the
attention of backwoods co-religionists you must
avoid, and he is meant to be giving a speech at the
Rotary club this Sunday.
69
 υ: Opioid of the Masses
Can you resurrect, reanimate or replace him Ceciline Objectives
before the world you built together comes crashing
down? 282. Papal Burn Notice

280. Four Lions in a You have been pious members

Wicker Man of the Order of St. Cecil your
whole lives, but you are now
You are a small cell of officially excommunicated for
British Islamist extremists. heresy, apostasy, and
Your imam has been desecration of the Eucharist.
targeted by Scotland Yard, This is a ruse.
so you’re laying low in a
small village in the You have been instructed to
Hebrides. engage in the most obvious
blasphemies and outrages
The locals are bizarrely against God you can in order to
friendly but seem to get a recruitment pass from an
adhere to ancient pagan actual Satanic sect of fallen
rites. The ferry isn’t coming priests.
back for another week, the
harvest festival is 283. Where No Exorcist Has
approaching, and you’re Gone Before
all invited. The crew of the International
You’re pretty sure you Space Station have been
know what’s coming, but how are you going to get possessed by the demons of
out of here alive? nameless dead cosmonauts and they’re
demanding to be returned to Earth.
281. Could You Spare a Few Minutes to Talk
about Dirk Allen? The secular authorities at NASA have been sold
the public some lie about space delirium, but the
You are missionaries of the occult underground True Masons holding real power know what’s up,
armed with copies of God’s A-bomb and The and have begged you to go to space to perform
Biggest Secret of Them All invading the suburbs of an exorcism before the ISS completes a planned
Salt Lake City to spread the word of the Invisible docking with a Chinese vessel in two weeks.
Clergy.
The Pope has decreed you’re go for launch.
You are merely a part of a nationwide campaign
of proselytization prompting a sudden and violent 284. Morally Objectionable
Sleeper response, so you have that to worry about It’s between 1933 and 1978 and you are
that, but you’re also heading into the lion’s den as Cecilines embedded in the National Legion of
far as door-knocking evangelism is concerned. Decency to help organize a boycott on a foreign
But if you can make just one convert, induct one film with dangerous occult themes and an
person into your unknown army, then you’ve unparalleled ability to corrupt the morals.
succeeded. There are powerful financial interests and industry
buzz behind this film’s upcoming release, and
perhaps even darker forces at work.

70
 φ: Reject Your Reality
Phantasmagorical Objectives
285. Berenstein Bears
For decades, the Berensteins were fabulous fixtures
of your local gay nightclub scene, all leather and
laughs and sweat-soaked hair.
Each had their own unique personality, matching the
four temperaments of Hippocrates, or at least the
Ninja Turtles.
They have been replaced.
Dark, twisted, unfamiliar dopplegangers calling
themselves the Berenstains, and no one but you
seems to notice the difference.
286. Fraternal Seeds
You are all Neverwhen people, and you’ve
managed to figure out that you are actually sperm
siblings, each representing a different sperm from the
same batch fertilizing the same egg.
Having some intuitive idea of how the universe deals
with your kind, you know the only way to survive for
long is to find your shared sperm sibling in this
timeline and proxy yourselves to him.
287. Hot Water State
You are all of the real half-horse, half-alligator
breed of the Natural State and you grew up
knowing it was pronounced Ar-KANSAS.
But something changed, and your state now rhymes
with devil’s claw.
You have resolved to find the Cliomancer who did
this, despite the opposition of literally all of your
friends and family, as well as the mysterious Kansaw
mafia.
288. Collateral Survivors
Two years ago, a terrible accident killed hundreds
in your hometown, and a local cabal has been very
vocal about changing the past to make it so the
events never happened.
They have a plan, and have even managed to get
the Sleepers to sign off on it somehow.
71
 φ: Reject Your Reality
But according to Neverwhen person from a You must work together to prevent each of your
timeline where the attack never happened, all of terrible timelines from coming to pass and
end up killed as an indirect consequence. hopefully building a better future for all of you.
This may be a dick move, but you’d rather be 300. You, Robots
alive, so you need to make sure your town’s history
You are clockworks built by a Mechanomancer
stays tragic.
with a passion for 20th century hard science
289. Confederate Monument fiction, and of course he programmed you
according to Asimov’s three laws of robotics.
A persistent Neverwhen artifact has identified
near the South Pole. After he died, you quietly managed his estate and
kept the taxman away until one day a hidden
It is the bust of a man identified as Richard E. Byrd
recording played and like Hari Seldon he spoke
(apparently not the same
from the dead his Plan for
man as the naval officer
the future.
and explorer from our
timeline) and it bears the In order to prevent
inscription Confederate catastrophe, you need to kill
States Antarctic Expedition the head of the Planning
1927. and Zoning Commission
and replace him with a
As reality cops with a keen
Clockwork like you.
interest in keeping the dross
out of the timeline, you are Without violating the Laws.
tagging along with a joint
291. Torch for the Paris, TX vs. The 333rd Reich
South Korean-Chilean By Nimrod Tzarking
Lone Star State. Only on Statosphere
scientific team set to pass
through the area. There are people trying
to stop the town of Paris,
Reports suggest signs of
Texas being absorbed by
extratemporal Unnatural
Paris, France, but you
phenomena and the threat
disagree.
of a private surveying company with neo-
Confederate leanings trying to get to the While you are proud Texans, you also realize the
monument first. opportunity it could present to steal the opportunity
to host the 2024 Olympic Games.
290. Stop the Timeline, I Wanna Get Off
Four Lone Star State cities - Houston, Austin,
After studying history, you believe the troubles of
Dallas, and San Antonio, failed in their contention
the last few years can be traced to something that
to become the US bid for the games, and it went to
went horribly wrong during the year 2014, and
Los Angeles, who’ve already hosted twice and
you have come back in time to find out what it was
made a backroom deal with French to secure
and stop it.
2028.
Trouble is, you are all from different potential
You don’t care you might have to start carrying
2020s futures, each distinct but equally terrible
baguettes around, no-one messes with Texas, not
with the same divergence point in 2014.
even the IOC.

72
 φ: Reject Your Reality
292. American Dragon
The Chinese dragon is a symbol of power and
majesty, in one interpretation composed of the head
of a camel, the horns of a stag, the eyes of a demon,
the ears of a cow, the neck of a snake, the belly of a
clam, the scales of a carp, the claws of an eagle,
and the paws of a tiger.
You believe the United States of America needs a
dragon of its own to compete in the 21st century,
and you’re ready to build one.
Just need to determine what parts of what animals to
use, how to put them together, and what rituals can
bring the glorious creature to life.
Whatever you decide, you will have to contend with
rival dragon-makers, a cabal from Chongqing out to
protect their national mystical property, as well as
Bigfoot, who nearly suffered an amputation during a
previous attempt and is pissed about the whole thing.
293. Oz Chasers
L. Frank Baum was the greatest historian since
Gibbon, even though the 1939 film was trash.
You know this because you are a descendant of Oz
refugees, desperate to return and reclaim the Land
under the guise of storm chasers with funding from
the CIA.
You’re going to ride a tornado home if you can keep
one step ahead of your enemies: foreign, domestic,
and fantastic.
294. Human Convention
Once a year the Fair Folk come to a different city
and spend time at a pop culture convention
dedicated to those pieces of human art and culture
the Fae love for whatever reason.
This year they’ve come to your city, and you’ve been
charged with setting up the event and making sure
all the stalls, shows, and guests are to their liking, or
else.
Why do they like Dirt Bike Hookers and Michael
Dorn so much anyway?
295. We Are the Imagination of Ourselves
A dying comic hasn’t performed their once-
transcendental comedy for decades, but they have
been writing.
You’ve seen samples, it’s hilarious and subversive
and ineffable. They planned to burn it all before they
died, but they have promised to divide it among you
if you can grant them their greatest wish.
They want to sit in a comedy club and watch Bill
Hicks perform live.
You need to figure out how to (temporarily) resurrect
or recreate the one of the greatest comedians of all
time, while keeping the audience sane amidst
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 φ: Reject Your Reality
whatever Unnatural phenomena and outside
aggression is attracted in the process.
Sleeper Objectives
296. Nokia Hum
There has been a recent uptick in unnatural
phenomena and compensarian clusters in the city of
Taos, New Mexico.
It seems to be caused by what appears to be an
immovable, indestructible Nokia 3310 fused into a
rock face just outside of town. It is somehow blocking
the local ley line and causing a build-up in the
magickal energy usually channeled along the NM
68.
If this keeps up, the effect may spread or perhaps
discharge spectacularly, and the area is already
seeing even more hippies and weirdos than usual.
The phone vibrates occasionally, though the answer
button is occluded by rock and the phone is locked.
297. Deviancy Amplification Spiral
A prominent anti-cult researcher has released
segments from an upcoming book of her
investigations into various new religious movements
she considers dangerous, including the Sect of the
Naked Goddess as well as Dion Isaac’s debauchery
court of Beckies and Saytins.
This has created a sudden and unexpected uptick in
interest in such groups, prompting hysterical media
depictions and a burgeoning moral panic.
The tiger is stirring. You need to find a way to
discredit the author before her book hits the shelves.
298. Atleisdi
One of the confabulations told in rumor about the
history of the Sleepers is that they participated in the
Trail of Tears, neutralizing the powers of the medicine
men during the forced march to Oklahoma.
This was bunkum meant to intimidate gullible ponies,
but it has come back to bite the organization.
An entire cell of Sleepers who were shadowing a
noisy Entropomancer in Tulsa have been kidnapped,
with ominous warnings in Sequoyah syllabary left
scrawled on hotel room walls and car seats from a
group calling themselves the Formula Regulators.
At least one of the kidnapped is still alive, because
Sleepers in other states are still finding themselves
drawn to the area.
You are being sent there to make contact with these
Formula Regulators to convince them the Trail of
Tears story is just ill-conceived self-aggrandizing
fiction and to negotiate for the release of the others.
Also, deal with that bodybag while you’re there.
299. Cease and Desist
There is a cabal within the Swedish Pirate Party
which has set up a server on the astral plane seeding
torrents for films and texts of dangerous occult
power.
Taking down the links has proved an exercise in
frustration, so you need to venture onto the astral
74
 φ: Reject Your Reality
plane itself and get past the astral guard dogs and
intellectual property Vikings to destroy the server.
300. Wild Geese and Snipes
You are preparing to attend a Sleeper Meeting
near your base of operations, and have become
aware someone in attendance is actually a double
agent for TNI.
Rather than trying to flush them out, the plan is to
make up such ludicrous lies the yellow raincoats will
end up on snipe hunts for months.
Just try to figure out how to do it in a way that
doesn’t immediately get a bunch of faux Sleepers in
trouble too.
301. Gallop
No one knows how this happened, but a
lycanthrope won the Kentucky Derby.
The hybrid spirit is composed of a computer
programmer and compulsive gambler named Philip
Roswell, the demonic spirit of an18th century
Manchu dandy, and of course the horse spirit, which
has caused somewhat of a stir in equestrian circles
for being an apparent example of the extinct
Narragansett Pacer breed.
You have the lycanthrope in custody and it’s still in
horse form, but if either the possessed Mr. Roswell or
the garrulous demon Cungšan regain control there’s
going to be thousands of people remembering a
balding, overweight man outrunning horses in front
of a roaring crowd.
You need to keep this from happening.
302. Hand It Over
With Wu Zhanhan distracted by crises in the UK,
the time is right for the Brotherhood of Harmonious
Repose to harmonize the distressingly independent
Hong Kong cabal of the Sleepers.
You are a task force arriving in Ngau Hom Shek to
infiltrate the occult underground of the special
administrative region in order to gather intelligence
for a surprise takeover of the recalcitrant cell.
It can’t be too hard, we’re all Chinese, right?
303. Slower Lawnmower Man
Some dead Infomancer or other digital adept
managed to turn himself into a being of pure digital
energy, an occult AI approaching the Singularity and
reaching out tendrils to absorb the internet and bring
human civilization crashing to a halt.
Luckily he lived in rural Australia, so the apocalypse
machine is spreading slowly over copper wires.
You need to stop or kill it before it reaches one of the
submarine telecommunications cables connecting
Australia to the outside world.
304. Public Service Announcement
The Blue Line and the DEA wiped out a major
Narco-Alchemical factory in Baja California but not
before tons of UPS and other magickally tweaked
concoctions were distributed across the United
States.
There are top people working on the problem, but
you are the psychological warfare division and
you’ve been given funding to produce a PSA to
suppress the demand and keep the Tiger sleeping
rather than having a bad trip.
People don’t take anti-drug PSAs seriously anymore,
but you have been given carte blanche to use
whatever Unnatural tricks you deem necessary.
305. Phoenix Lights
The godwalker of the Flying Woman is about to
engage in a battle for supremacy with her rival over
a major metropolitan area.
They are far too powerful for you Sleepers to shut the
thing down, but it is expected to generate intense
aerial acrobatics and unnatural phenomena up the
wazoo.
The plan is to spread the meme that this grudge
match is actually a major UFO event, because
extraterrestrial activity barely gets a peep out of the
Tiger these days.
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 χ: This is my Magick
Adept Objectives
306. Protégé for a Mageekian
You all crave the power of magick, but you lack
the constitution to commit to an adept path.
Yet, your friend has shown some facility with an
extremely idiosyncratic and half-baked form of occult
power, seemingly too niche and unappealing to
develop into a mature school.
This is intolerable, there can be no half-measures,
they need to develop their weird mojo into something
that can be passed onto another. You must find them
a disciple.
307. Infringement
Your cabal brought a unique and potent new form
of adept magick in the world, and a dilettante
hanger-on acquaintance stole it from you and used
their greater financial resources to convince the
occult underground they were the one who invented
it.
Now you’re seen as thieves, pirates, or wannabes
while they use the powers to pivot into a seat at the
big boys table among local chargers.
Fuck that.
308. Apobates
Someone who is a Relationship to each of you has
been taken by a love-bombing cult known as the
Edge of Experience.
The EoE seduces and kidnaps adepts, forcing them
to teach the entire cult their magick school, after
which the cult competes to be the first to gain a
Major charge.
They then spend it, commit taboo en mass, abandon
the school completely, give the poor bastard the
psych salad treatment, and move on.
But you have powers and a working knowledge of
how your Relation’s magick works, enough to throw
a monkey wrench in the cult’s plans long enough to
get your buddy out of there.
309. A Prejudice of Witches
You appear as perfect representations of
traditional American values, housewives and mothers
in a 1950s Levittown planned community.
You were miserable, but instead of falling into
depression and alcohol, you have come together to
form a coven of witches.
Recently, some of your neighbors have been up in
arms about an older black gentleman who has taken
residence in one of the homes.
While you are not racially prejudiced yourselves, of
course not, you have heard rumors the gentleman is
“some kind of hoodoo Devil worshipper”.
If this is true, he could be a source of true magickal
knowledge. You need to earn his trust, but without
causing a stir.
 ψ: Play the Role
310. Requiem for a Jaeger
The sitting Hunter archetype was once a hunter of
human prey, which explains the rise in human flesh
search engines and crowdsourced doxxing.
You are a cabal dedicated to the older Hunter, the
traditional provider of meat for the tribe, and you
believe his presence in the Clergy is necessary for
the well being of the next cosmos, lest it be
dominated by these manhunters.
With popular distaste for big game hunting, and gun
ownership a fraught political question, how can you
shift the collective unconscious to accept the
huntsmen (or, hell, huntswomen) of old?
311. Godstumble
As youngsters each of you had your lives saved,
literally or figuratively, by Deion McGuire, the star of
your city’s scrappy basketball team and high level
avatar of the MVP.
Today, you're members of Deion’s personal avatar
cult (he doesn’t call it that) and you recently
prepared him for a hail mary bid for the Godwalker
spot.
He failed miserably.
Now Deion is depressed and talking about how he
has aged out of the whole game, threatening to
leave the path entirely.
You need to get him back on his feet, win back the
Archetype's favor, and wipe the smug grins off the
faces of the Godwalker cabal.
312. Assassinate the Executioner
Each of you has a special set of skills.
Each of you has a pressing need to emigrate.
And each of you has had your application for Israeli
citizenship under the Law of Return officially rejected
on spurious grounds.
A Mossad agent explained why as you awaited
deportation in holding cells beneath Ben Gurion
airport.
The State has a job for you, impossible if you are
even potentially Israeli: kill the godwalker Ibrahim al
Masrah.
313. Running the Dogs Alex Powell
The Charioteer Archetype
Only on Statosphere
A high level Charioteer is attempting to complete
the Iditarod, and it is your job to stop him.
He has a head start, and the Archetype favors him
over the current Godwalker.
He is the one paying you to do this, he will pay
double if you actually stop him but you can’t kill him
or you won’t get paid at all.
The Godwalker’s assassins are under no such
constriction.
Try not to freeze to death.
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 ψ: Play the Role
314. You Are The Champion, My Friend 316. Survivor’s Gamemasters
The Crandon Cavaliers have blitzed from victory to You have been contacted by the spouse of an
victory this season, led by their photogenic bad boys avatar of the Survivor.
who steal the spotlight, but you see through it.
Since marrying and settling down, the Survivor has
Their victories have come not from the showboats but lost more and more of their connection to the
from Mervin Desmond, a camera-shy avatar of the archetype, which has sent them into a depressive
Unsung Champion who is pushing his team to victory funk.
every single game.
The spouse knows it, and is willing to pay you
Your home team is facing off against the Cavaliers handsomely to engineer an adverse, life-threatening
soon, and you know the only way they have a situation for the Survivor to overcome in order to
chance is if you can neutralize Desmond by return to their spouse with a renewed connection to
promoting him, giving him unwanted publicity and the cosmic.
weakening his connection to the archetype.
They don’t want you to
315. Contumacy actually put them in lethal
danger but you know the
The archetype of the
Archetype won’t accept it
Mumpsimus has fallen, to be
if it isn’t real.
replaced by the modern
Diehard, but something has 317. Destiny’s Child
gone wrong.
Toshishiru Yamamura’s
Deposited into the Room of Godwalker power is an
Cold Reflection, the fallen inability to be harmed by
archetype refuses to take a sip other ronin, which has
from the Pool of Renunciation. protected him from
challenge for decades.
This would usually be fine,
they’ve chosen a freezing You are devotees of a high
death, gg, but in this case the level Flying Woman avatar
act of defiance is so intimately attempting to challenge
tied with the stubborn nature of him and take over the
the Archetype that the Diehard collective unconscious
is unable to fully take their mindspace he represents.
place among the Clergy and is
Both the Flying Woman
instead stuck between worlds
and Masterless Man
causing unnatural phenomena
archetypes are desperate to stop her, as she
to spike around every stubborn bastard in the world.
threatens to ascend as an amalgam of concepts
As former guests of the Room, you have been invited and eject them both from their seats.
back to figure out a way to get the Mumpsimus to
Luckily, for reasons of their own, you have allies in
drink, in exchange for which the Room will give you
the Invisible Clergy who want to see the challenge
back your old Obsessions.
go ahead.

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 ψ: Play the Role
318. Blue Tick
The godwalker of the Chronicler is unverified on
Twitter, a weakness that threatens his position with
each passing day.
As members of their avatar cult, you must navigate
the digital bureaucracy, Sleeper bots, and hostile
accounts flooding your menchies to give the Record
Keeper the recognition they need to tweet to the
cosmos.
319. Fanrushang
You are a fractious group of Weibo trolls, neo-
Maoists, and hanfu revivalists on the outskirts of the
occult underground in Suzhou, Jiangsu.
The most powerful charger in the province is Zheng
Ren’ge, billionaire tycoon and the Godwalker of the
Junzi, the Confucian gentleman.
According to alley gossip, he is preparing to make a
play for Ascension and has a great deal of support
both mundane and magickal.
You do not agree with his interpretation of the
Archetype as a free-market “gentleman
entrepreneur” and instead hold to the traditional
scholar-official guise, which barely clings on in the
Invisible Clergy after a disastrous 20th century.
Compared to someone like Zheng, you are nearly
inconsequential, but working together you can spoil
his Ascension bid.
320. Novy Sovetsky Chelovek
In 1991, the New Soviet Man fell from the
Statosphere and after being thoroughly rinsed by the
House of Renunciation rose in the upheavals of
1990s shock therapy capitalism to become a
powerful oligarch before running afoul of Putin in the
early 2000s and ending up in a Siberian labor
camp.
You hold romantic and nostalgic views of the
Communist period and are hoping to use the current
political climate to test a theory.
You believe if you take a Renounced former
Archetype and put them back through the
Renunciation process they’ll pop out the other side as
a powerful Godwalker candidate.
If you can pull it off, the New New Soviet Man
should able to take down the so-called ‘Transhuman’
currently occupying the Invisible Clergy position,
taking the future from the capitalistic cyborgs and
returning to Stakhanovite workers of the future.
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 ψ: Play the Role
321. White Goats
You are part of the Collection of Godfrey Tsehai, a
wealthy and eccentric Tanzanian landowner and
avatar of the Collector.
You are albino, persecuted in the country due to the
false superstitious belief albinos are haunted beings
whose body parts are efficacious for sorcery.
You live together in a gated mansion served by
clockwork butlers with British accents, each of you
chosen by Godfrey as a Fulfilment: proxies to him
and holders of part of his soul.
Life was dull but safe, until Betty Fuko came.
A fellow albino, but with real supernatural powers.
She escaped, but beforehand she told you the truth
about proxies and warned of dire consequences for
you if an attempt is made on Godfrey’s life or if he
“manages to ascend”.
She promised that if you escaped and found her, she
would find a way to “draw his soul-shard out of your
bodies.”
Godfrey is distracted preparing for a trip to America
to battle the Collector of something called
Tamagotchi.
This is your chance to escape, if you can make it past
the clockworks and the hell hounds, through a hostile
country to the address Betty gave you.
322. Ascension of the Literal Maneater
In late 2000, bestselling horror writer Andrew
Clay was eaten alive by his one-time fan and
girlfriend Marcy McLaughlin, who was
institutionalized for her crime.
After exposure from multiple best-selling books and
true crime podcasts, McLaughlin is now the
(enthusiastic) subject of an upcoming Netflix
documentary called Fan Service.
(There’s been a lot of attention on mysterious men in
black types reported lurking around Clay’s residence
at the time of the slow murder by consumption: these
were of course Sleepers who came in expecting the
Unnatural and bounced when they realized the truth
was both more mundane and more twisted than they
bargained for.)
The winds of Statosphere are shifting, and some
believe the increased attention may cause
McLaughlin to Ascend as a new Archetype.
You have a strong opinion on this one way or the
other, and feel a need to put your thumb on the
cosmic scale.
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 ω: Imperceptible Ecclesiasts
Invisible Clergy Objectives
323. Coming Age of Pisces
The idea only humans can Ascend is self-
congratulatory claptrap and the rival intelligences
we share a planet with have their own Invisible
Clergies.
Luckily for us, the cetaceans, great apes, and
elephants are way behind us in Archetype count
and likely to remain at a disadvantage.
But there is a dark horse in the form of the cleaner
wrasse, the only fish which has passed the mirror
test for self-
awareness and
which is
apparently
already up to
320+ sitting
(swimming?)
Archetypes.
You need to get
humans to catch
up quick or
reduce the
wrasse’s Clerical numbers, or the next cosmos will
be formed on the collective unconscious design of
cleaner fish that eat other fish’s dead flesh.
Ugh.
324. Manchurian Ascension
Here’s the thing about avatar magick.
You don’t actually have to accept the role in your
heart of hearts, you just need to play it well
enough the collective unconsciousness accepts you
as it.
It stands to reason even if someone isn’t human,
but is accepted as human by the minds of
humanity, then they could Ascend.
You have a really good clockwork, and you’re
going to coach it into following an avatar path
until it becomes the Godwalker, and then ascends.
And once it’s sitting in the Clergy, the perpetual
motion device in its chest is going to explode.
Suck it, gods.
325. Lamarck Awards
While you are pretty sure most of prehistory was
fabricated in the death throes of the last cosmos,
you have some concerns about how the biological
sciences operate in this universe.
Given the relatively short time frame of existence,
barely a dozen millennia between the rise of the
first archetypes and the final countdown, the
Darwinian
evolutionary
process seems
rather useless for
anything except
the occasional
disease
outbreak.
You believe the
next cosmos
would be better
served with the
Lamarckist model of evolution, it which changes
accrued in the lifetime of an individual creature
may be passed down to its offspring.
But you can’t just make up an archetype and send
them up there, this is too abstract for the neo-
Jungian metaphysics of the Invisible Clergy.
Instead, you need to somehow get the attention of
the Clergy as a whole and make your pitch. If
enough of the sitting archetypes are convinced,
then perhaps the next universe will run a bit more
rationally.
326. Damned in Translation
You have found an original copy of an extremely
valuable text, The Book of Etiquette of Heavenly
Beings as They Walk Upon the Perfumed Earth,
containing secrets of the Invisible Clergy.
81
 ω: Imperceptible Ecclesiasts

Well, it’s a partially burnt early 20th century Korean 329. Henosis
translation of a mid 19th century illustrated Japanese
Most of humanity are pathetic dissemblers to be
translation of an 18th century Qing reprint of the
ground to cosmic dust when the Invisible Clergy is
original text, but the point is it has never been
filled.
translated into English.
Only 333 souls will guide the creation of the next
Historically, bad things have happened to those who
universe.
have tried. But if you can pull it off without going
insane or getting whacked by cosmic forces, you’ll You know your limitations, the path of the Avatar is
have the most valuable and sought-after resource in too strenuous and Ascension a near impossible goal.
the occult underground.
There is another way.
328. Third Wave Ascension
You can summon a member of the Invisible Clergy to
Gendered archetypes will lead to the next cosmos Earth and induce them to perform the Ritual of
replicating our fundamentally unjust social gender Union.
distinctions, however well-intentioned.
None of you can hope to overcome soul of the
While formerly male archetypes falling to female Archetype, but that’s not the point.
usurpers is a good thing, the Flying Woman remains
As you are consumed you will become part of the
aloft.
Godhead, and thus live on beyond the destruction of
Her existence is laudable but you cannot have our world.
‘independent woman’ as a singular archetype
330. 331 and Me
without implying she is an exception to the rule of
gender-based oppression. We’re almost there.

For the sake of the women of the next cosmos, the Just one more archetype to go and then the First and
Flying Woman must fall. Last Man takes the hindmost and the Universe hits
the reset button.

82
 ω: Imperceptible Ecclesiasts
You’re one of many cabals desperately trying to 332. Kill All Humans
push the collective unconsciousness to accept just
Nietzsche was right about eternal recurrence.
one more representative human pattern for the road.
Every cosmos is born with hapless sentient beings
This is your last chance to leave your legacy on the
who form patterns of power until they reach a critical
next cosmos before you and everyone you love is
mass and then the whole thing blows up and starts
converted into the panpsychic building blocks of a
again.
terrifying new creation.
It’s a racket, and it’s pointless, and the only humane
331. Manifesting Destiny
thing to do is end it all. The only way to break the
The scientists are calling it “catastrophic rapid wheel is to end sentient life.
vacuum decay” but you know the Last Man
Without people, the Invisible Clergy can’t fill up to
ascended and this cosmos is coming to an end.
333, and the up-jumped demigods will be stuck until
As reality cracks, Cruel Ones walk the streets, and this fake universe suffers heat death.
the Invisible Clergy coalesces into an agonized ball
If you can get a Russian or American launch site
of pure potential, you have a plan to secret the entire
commander to believe the other side has initiated
continental United States into an Otherspace.
nuclear war, you should be able to create enough
You only have one shot to pull this off before fireworks to render this world of clay and shit
competing occult national preservation projects use uninhabitable.
up Earth’s remaining pleroma reserves.
333. Oh, f-
There’s a spoiler cabal of resentful Alaskan and
They found me.
Hawaiian chargers who wish to stab at thee from
hell’s heart.

83
Ϡ: Rejected Ideas
• You’re the reason suicide bombers can’t
ascend as the Martyr.
• You are the personality cult of a powerful
avatar, but you FUCKED UP.
• Members of a counseling group whose
loved ones were killed by the same serial
killer but they got the wrong guy and now
there’s a Wronged revenant playing
copycat.
• Window-washers who see occult
shenanigans in a corporate skyscraper.
• An asexual community rescuing a beloved
member taken by a cult for virgin sacrifice.
• Attack a powerful cabal or adept as a
distraction while another team steals shit.
• Undercover agents of one GMC antagonist
group inside another.
• The inhabitants of this Otherspace think
you’re aliens and are fixing to dissect you.
They look like squirrels in 1940s military
uniforms.
• Making crude oil revert into prehistoric
plankton for climate change activism.
• You want to impeach Obama so much you’ll
help him win a third term.
• You’re Electric Universe adherents who want
to serve as midwives to a comet.
• A Cameraturge used a Major Charge to
capture a Cruel One on a roll of Fujifilm
35mm film.
• LARPers are using a magick 3D printer to
make dangerous artifacts out of foam.
• Make it so Agrimancers can’t cross the dank
river valleys of human civilization (Nile,
Tigris and Euphrates, Indus, Yellow and
Yangtze).
• Y2K happened and now its a week later
and the power is still out. Bugs are coming.
• Narco-alchemical factions fighting over the
Antwerp party drug scene.
• An expensive luxury condo filled with
tenebrae.
• Peace treaty between Kuala Lumpur and
Chicago Urbanomancers.
• Grandma wants to die somewhere difficult
and funny.
• Hanging Chads. It’s the year 2000, and the
other party is trying to steal the election. 
• Each of you has had one of your Identities
stolen to make a sympathetic Frankensoul.
• Cocaine on the Astral Plain.
• Waco but you’re the cult.
• Mount Rushmore needs another head.
• Return a library book from a hundred years
ago and avoid the astronomical late fee.
• Sleepers posing as Prohibition agents.
• School field trip to an Otherspace.
• A dangerous artifact is en route through
Fedex, you need to intercept.
• Rebuilding and repopulating an abandoned
MMO filled with digital ghosts.
• Power-hungry corporate eunuchs who want
to dethrone the CEO.
• Ceciline white hat hackers.
• Stealing a book from an insane
Bibliomancer for whom it has sentimental
value.
• Have Anglish as the official language of the
United States.
• Narco-Alchemists trying to make the
Philosopher’s Stone from over-the-counter
medication.
84
Ϡ: Rejected Ideas
• You need to kill a powerful Fool but you're
all out on parole.
• Build and operate the Polybius machine as
part of a West German intelligence
operation to test kids for Avatar potential.
• Training for a triathlon through treacherous
Otherspaces.
• Glitterbomb an entire state.
• On a generation starship, fighting over the
Alpha Centauri Major charge.
• Popularize new stellar constellations based
on hot yoga positions.
• The Room of Cold Reflection took your cult
leader and now there’s a power struggle.
• Honey trap for a lonely Alex Abel.
• Prevent the hostile takeover of your company
by a powerful cult.
• Steal an aircraft carrier and rename it.
• In the Golden Age of comics, promote a
superhero with occult themes at the expense
of Superman.
• Jocks using magick to get revenge on the
nerds who humiliated them.
• Get your worst relative written out of your
Grandpa’s will.
• Make America fall in love with your haggis-
and-stinky-tofu fusion cuisine.
• Go after Phobomancers recruited through
Operation Paperclip.
• Infiltrate a Goop Wellness Summit to find
potential customers for your own woo.
• Get the china teapot Bertrand Russell says is
in an elliptical orbit between Earth and Mars
before the Pastafarians do.
• 03/03/03 Last Thursdayism
• Data Freedom Foundation vs. Russian bots in
an online mystical arms race.
• Create a singularity in your backyard to
impress NASA and the hot boys.
• Neverwhen people escaping Epperstein
Clinic, which is performing lobotomies for
“Alien Space Bats Syndrome”
• Secret society lodge is shutting down due to
financial woes, they’re selling off artifacts in
an auction.
• Ascension of the Troll.
• An adept was cryogenically frozen while
holding a Major charge and it’s causing
problems.
• Expose the Shadow Clergy and the anti-
Godwalkers.
• An Imperial Japanese clockwork balloon
bomb is menacing communities in the
Aleutians.
• There are no national flags that use the color
purple. Change that.
• A sorority of literal sirens are attending a
party, protect your fraternity brothers from
their fatal wiles.
• Budapest Urbanomancers are schisming.
• Squatters living in an Otherspace need to
avoid eviction from a formerly neglectful
cabal.
• Prove a South Korean Presidential candidate
is actually a fox in disguise.
• Your father fell in love with an apartment
building and you were born of the union,
now she is condemned and you need to
save her.
• Pirate radio stations at war with each other
and tracked by the FCC.
• Make bread pudding from the body of
Christ.
• Greg Stolze is coming for you. Run.
85
Unknown Armies created by Greg Stolze and John Tynes
Writing and design: David Tormsen
Editing and development: David Tormsen
Unknown Armies graphic design: Thomas Deeny
Art: Pixabay (Creative Commons) and Wikimedia Commons, edited by David Tormsen
This product was created under license. Unknown Armies is a trademark of Greg Stolze and John Tynes, used under license by Trident,
Inc., d/b/a Atlas Games.

This work contains material that is copyright © 2017 Atlas Games and/or other authors. Such material is used with
permission under the Community Content Agreement for the Statosphere UACC.
All other original material in this work is copyright © 2020 by David Tormsen and published under the Community
Content Agreement for the Statosphere UACC.