From Words That Work in Business, 2nd Edition pages 175-179.

Appendix C: Feelings Versus Evaluations

Masquerading as Feelings

Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s)

terrified, hurt,
nurturing, connection,
abandoned bewildered, sad,
belonging, support, caring
frightened, lonely
caring, nurturing, support,
angry, frustrated, emotional or physical well-
abused
frightened being, consideration, for
all living things to flourish
inclusion, connection,
(not) accepted upset, scared, lonely community, belonging,
contribution, peer respect
attacked scared, angry safety
respect, autonomy, to be
angry, frustrated,
belittled seen, acknowledgment,
tense, distressed
appreciation
angry, hurt, trust, dependability,
betrayed disappointed, honesty, honor,
enraged commitment, clarity
angry, scared,
confused, accountability, causality,
blamed
antagonistic, hostile, fairness, justice
bewildered, hurt
angry, scared, autonomy, choice, safety,
bullied
pressured consideration
angry, thwarted, autonomy, choice,
caged/boxed in
scared, anxious freedom
honesty, fairness, justice,
cheated resentful, hurt, angry
trust, reliability
angry, frustrated, choice, autonomy,
coerced frightened, thwarted, freedom (to act freely,
scared to choose freely)

• 175 •
176 Words That Work In Business

Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s)

angry, scared,
cornered autonomy, freedom
anxious, thwarted
understanding,
in pain, scared, acknowledgment,
anxious, frustrated, recognition,
criticized
humiliated, angry, accountability,
embarrassed nonjudgmental
communication
hurt, angry, acknowledgment,
discounted/
embarrassed, inclusion, recognition,
diminished
frustrated respect, to matter
connection, appreciation,
understanding,
disliked sad, lonely, hurt
acknowledgment,
friendship, inclusion
distrusted sad, frustrated trust, honesty
dumped on angry, overwhelmed respect, consideration
angry, frustrated, respect, space,
harassed
pressured, frightened consideration, peace
serenity, autonomy, to do
irritated, distressed, things at my own pace
hassled
angry, frustrated and in my own way, calm,
space
connection, belonging,
lonely, scared, hurt,
ignored inclusion, community,
sad, embarrassed
participation
respect, consideration,
insulted angry, embarrassed acknowledgment,
recognition
angry, frustrated, respect, to be heard,
interrupted
resentful, hurt consideration
safety, equality,
intimidated scared, anxious
empowerment
 Appendix C 177

Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s)

appreciation, respect,
invalidated angry, hurt, resentful acknowledgment,
recognition
to be seen and heard,
sad, angry, lonely,
invisible inclusion, belonging,
scared
community
community, inclusion,
isolated lonely, afraid, scared
belonging, contribution

inclusion, belonging,
left out sad, lonely, anxious
community, connection

sad, disappointed, consistency, trust,

let down
frightened dependability, consistency
autonomy, empowerment,
angry, scared,
trust, equality, freedom,
manipulated powerless, thwarted,
free choice, connection,
frustrated
genuineness

mistrusted sad, angry trust

upset, angry, to be heard,

misunderstood
frustrated understanding, clarity
connection, inclusion,
participation, community,
neglected lonely, scared
care, to matter,
consideration
angry, impotent, equality, justice,
overpowered
helpless, confused autonomy, freedom

angry, tired, respect, consideration,

overworked
frustrated rest, caring

angry, frustrated, recognition, equality,

patronized
resentful respect, mutuality

anxious, resentful, relaxation, clarity, space,

pressured
overwhelmed consideration
178 Words That Work In Business

Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s)

angry, frustrated,
provoked hostile, antagonistic, respect, consideration
resentful
angry, sad, respect, acknowledgment,
put down
embarrassed understanding
belonging, inclusion,
hurt, scared, angry, closeness, to be seen,
rejected
defiant acknowledgment,
connection
consideration, justice,
ripped off/ anger, resentment,
fairness, acknowledgment,
screwed disappointed
trust
space, freedom,
smothered/ frustrated, fear,
autonomy, authenticity,
suffocated desperation
self-expression
appreciation,
taken for sad, angry, hurt,
acknowledgment,
granted disappointed
recognition, consideration
scared, frightened,
threatened alarmed, agitated, safety, autonomy
defiant
empowerment,
connection, community,
angry, frustrated,
trampled to be seen, consideration,
overwhelmed
equality, respect,
acknowledgment
embarrassed, angry,
tricked integrity, trust, honesty
resentful
appreciation, respect,
sad, angry, hurt,
unappreciated acknowledgment,
frustrated
consideration
sad, hostile, understanding,
unheard
frustrated consideration, empathy
 Appendix C 179

Evaluative Word Feeling(s) Need(s)

love, appreciation,
sad, bewildered,
unloved empathy, connection,
frustrated
community
acknowledgment,
sad, anxious,
unseen appreciation, to be seen
frustrated
and heard

unsupported sad, hurt, resentful support, understanding

sad, anxious, belonging, inclusion,

unwanted
frustrated caring

autonomy, equality,
used sad, angry, resentful
consideration, mutuality

empowerment, mutuality,
victimized frightened, helpless
safety, justice

sad, agitated, privacy, safety, trust,

violated
anxious space, respect

angry, hurt, respect, justice, trust,

wronged
resentful, irritated safety, fairness
*This list was developed in the April 2000 Wisconsin International Intensive, edited by Susan Skye.

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