advancing women in business

WORKBOOK

SMASHING LIMITING BELIEFS

CONTENTS

About this workbook 3

An introduction 4

Section 1. Unblocking the barriers 6

Limiting beliefs 7
Critical self-talk 12
Fear of failure 13
Lack of courage 16
Selling yourself short 18

Section 2. Dare to dream 19

Envisage the possible 20

Further reading 23

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ABOUT THIS WORKBOOK
ESTABLISHED IN 1999, EVERYWOMAN
works to advance all women in business.
Having worked closely with many women
and organisations we have seen the
amazing things that can be achieved when
we smash through our limiting beliefs.
Often, the obstacles of working to our
maximum potential are the internal blockers
we put in place ourselves, they keep us
safely within our comfort zone. By working
at removing these obstacles which tend to
be ‘limiting beliefs’ about our abilities, we
are able to develop a mindset that will help
us deliver outstanding results.
The definition of delivering outstanding
results is unique to each of us and depends
on our starting point. Often, where there
is no external feedback, you will need to
benchmark what success looks like to you
and then consider, honestly, if you are
delivering to that level. If you are not, what
is stopping you?
How near are you to achieving that success?
What, if anything, is getting in your way?
If you are like many people who feel like
they aren’t quite reaching their potential,
then this workbook is for you. We’ll explore
the key blockers that get in the way of
delivering outstanding results and provide
a range of tips and exercises to help turn
this around.
Developing the mindset to deliver
outstanding results, becoming the person
relied upon in the business, and the ‘go-
to’ person for your wide ‘perception of
the possible’, will put you on the radar of
people who can expose you to desirable
opportunities that may propel your career
or business.
So let’s get started.
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AN INTRODUCTION

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 An introduction
BELIEFS ARE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT OURSELVES and the world around us that we
hold onto as absolute truths.

Positive beliefs navigate us through our lives and enable us to achieve real success, we can count
on them, and they give us support. They also act as a best friend, guide and mentor.

But there are other beliefs – ones which can debilitate us and stop us from making a first move.
They stand between us and success. We call them ‘limiting beliefs’ and these are all too common.

We’re going to explore the key blockers that get in the way of delivering outstanding
results and provide a range of tips and exercises to help turn this around. We’ll cover:

• Limiting beliefs
• Critical self-talk
• Fear of failure
• Lack of courage
• Selling yourself short
“Performance equals Potential
minus Interference.”

W. TIMOTHY GALLWEY, THE INNER

GAME OF WORK

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 SECTION 1.
UNBLOCKING THE
BARRIERS

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 Limiting beliefs
ONCE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO DO SOMETHING, your ability to do
it is reduced as you make tentative efforts. This then leads to poor results and
negative feedback which REINFORCES the belief you held in the first place. By
turning around your belief; you can turn around your performance.

The cycle of poor performance

Bad experience

Tentative efforts Negative feedback

Confidence eroded, courage reduced

How are limiting beliefs formed?

In short, they are formed through life’s experiences and some of the most powerful ones
are developed in childhood. They start in our interactions with others – such as when we
are pulled up for doing something wrong, or for not doing something in the way people
expected of us. We attribute meaning to such events and this can lead to a physiological,
psychological and emotional reaction.

Because, as humans, we like to prove ourselves right, we seek evidence which substantiates
the beliefs we have about ourselves. In time, we only see the evidence we want to see
and fail to see the many examples when that limiting belief was not true. Over time the
limiting beliefs are reinforced and become stronger and stronger – so strong that we start
to think these beliefs are reality. They start to give us a sense of certainty about how to act
and what to avoid, we forget it is just an interpretation – and an interpretation often of a
single event.

Example limiting beliefs:

“I can’t because I am too young. People won’t take me seriously…”

“I can’t because I am too old. People will ignore me…”
“You’ve got to work hard for success”
“I’m not creative”
“I’m not good at maths”

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 We call beliefs that debilitate us and stop us from making a first move ‘limiting beliefs’; they
stand between us and success.

You can identify your limiting beliefs in a number of ways. One is looking at circumstances
or situations you are uncomfortable with or in, but that you tolerate. Somewhere in there is a
limiting belief. For example; you would love to go to the Caribbean on holiday but can’t afford
it, might be the limiting belief that you are only worth the income you are receiving, which
is not the case. Everyone and everything is worth what someone else will pay for them or it.

Another way of identifying your limiting belief would be to pay attention to the language
you use. For example, “I’ll never be able to give up smoking” or “I could never deliver a
presentation to 20 people”, indicate your personal limiting beliefs could be about your level of will
power or your ability to take a risk and put yourself out there.

EXERCISE

Step 1: Explore and write down some of your limiting beliefs.

Belief 1:

Belief 2:

Belief 3:

Belief 4:

Belief 5:

Which ONE seems to be stopping your success right now? Write it here:

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 Step 2: Find counter examples

Start to shake the foundations of this limiting belief by looking for ONE specific example
where your belief was not true. For example, perhaps you can think of an occasion
where someone DID take you seriously irrespective of your age. Or, for the belief “I am
not creative”, you WERE complimented on your novel idea.

This step introduces the possibility that there are flaws in the belief. That it is possible
to shake it enough to knock it down.

Write your counter example here:

For really deep seated beliefs, you may need to search hard for the counter examples.
Keep looking – the example may be outside of work. If they don’t come, just go on to
the next step.

Step 3: Counting the cost

What does holding this belief cost you? Write down examples of how this limiting belief
has held you back. How has it hurt you and your progression?

Write down what your limiting belief has cost you here:

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 Step 4: Use your imagination

Imagine if your limiting belief simply disappeared. What impact would this have on what
you could achieve? Ask yourself; ‘if I knew that I could easily deliver a presentation to
20 people, what would I do?’

Write your ideas here:

Step 5: Put your limiting belief on hold

Experiment by putting your limiting belief on hold for just one week. Write your
limiting belief on a piece of paper, fold it up and file it away. Then act as if it doesn’t
exist. What could you do whilst your limiting belief is on hold? And what will you do?

Set out your actions below:

1.

2.

3.

Commit to these actions – ensure that they are ones that take you towards your goals.

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 Step 6: Smash your limiting belief

After one week review the progress you have made and the difference in your thinking.

Commit to keep the limiting belief on hold for a further week, then a month. When
you are ready, find the piece of paper with the limiting belief, tear it up and throw
it away!

Step 7: Write an empowering belief

Since beliefs are so influential and drive our behaviour, a useful last step is to replace
the old limiting belief with a new empowering belief. This needs to be in the present
tense. For example, “I am a natural communicator”.

To reinforce this, write down 3-4 statements which support this belief such as:

“My boss has given me feedback to say I am clear and concise when I speak”

“I get compliments on my presentation style”

“My team tell me they know what is expected of them as I am explicit when setting
objectives”

Write your empowering belief here:

And your supporting evidence here:

1.

2.

3.

4.

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 Critical self-talk
ONE OF THE PERVASIVE BARRIERS TO DELIVERING OUTSTANDING RESULTS is
critical self-talk. This is where you give yourself a constant dialogue such as:

”You can’t do that. That won’t work. You’re not supposed to be doing that.”

It’s surprising how tough we can be on ourselves. Can you imagine working with a person
who actually said this to you! You wouldn’t tolerate it, and yet so many of us allow our own
critical voice airtime.

EXERCISE

Here’s one way to turn off that critical self-talk:

Step 1: Think about a situation when you have been critical of yourself.

Remember it as if you were there – what did your internal conversation sound like
(tone, tempo, rhythm etc)? For example, “What a disaster, I’m dreadful at presenting”.

Step 2: Ask yourself when the statement has ever been proven.

Unpick the statement and any situations that have proven the statement to be true.

Step 3: Work out strategies to ensure future success.

Once you have logically pulled the statement apart and drilled down to the absolute
reason for your belief, work out strategies to ensure future success. For example,
the strategy for ‘you are dreadful at presenting’ could include preparation, practice,
speaking with your mentor or line manager, or seeking out personal development.

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 Fear of failure
AS YOU LOOK AT THE SUCCESS YOU COULD ACHIEVE, what is your fear? For
many, it is the fear of failure. Such a fear may be driven by limiting beliefs, or
may manifest itself in a reluctance to try new things and have new experiences.

Of course, it is virtually impossible not to go through life without experiencing some kind of
failure. Successful people see failure as feedback; it can be an incredible learning experience
that propels us forward. Some of the most successful women have achieved great things on
the back of failure.

Marilyn Monroe’s first contract with Columbia Pictures expired because they told her she
wasn’t pretty or talented enough to be an actress.

Vera Wang failed to make the U.S. Olympic figure-skating team. Then she became an editor
at Vogue and was passed over for the editor-in-chief position. She began designing wedding
gowns at 40 and today is the premier designer in the business, with a multi-billion dollar
company.

J.K.Rowling was unemployed, divorced and raising a daughter on social security while
writing the first Harry Potter novel. She is now internationally renowned for her seven book
Harry Potter series and is the first person to become a billionaire from writing.

When children learn to walk, they fall frequently. Fortunately, they don’t
see this as failure and so just pick themselves up and try and try again.

Simply embracing the fact that you might fail can help move you
forward.
“The greatest mistake you
can make in your life is to be
continually feeling you will
make one.”

ELBERT G. HUBBARD

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 Of course, no one wants to fail deliberately! You can minimise your likelihood of failure by
following these simple steps:

Analyse the alternatives – when making decisions, consider all of the alternatives.
Set time aside to look at pros and cons. Ask for input from others when you don’t know.

Look at the worst case scenario – often we fail to take the right action, or any action,
because of our fears over what might happen. When these are generalised fears, it is hard
to dismantle them – so get specific! What is the worst case scenario? How likely is it that
it would happen? Is it really that bad – or could you manage it?

Check in – too often failure comes from having set off down one path and then blindly
following it until the end. When you set out on a car journey you don’t just check the
starting point and end point; you have milestones along the way. If you don’t see ‘the pub
on the left’ or the ‘fork in the road’ you will stop and take action because you know you
have probably gone the wrong way. By taking corrective action early you can avoid failure.
The same is true in business.

Take control - focus your attention on the resources you do have, rather than the ones
you don’t have. That way, whatever life throws at you, you will be able to handle it.

Have goals - we are regularly told the importance of goal setting and how successful
people have well-defined, written goals, and that’s great for people who are confident in
their beliefs and aren’t fearing the worst.

For people who are just turning around these self-limiting beliefs and fears, this can seem
a challenging exercise. It doesn’t need to be if you set out attainable goals that are
short-term and focus on just the next step you want to take.

“You may have a fresh start

any moment you choose, for
this thing that we call ‘failure’
is not the falling down, but the
staying down.”

MARY PICKFORD, CO-FOUNDER

UNITED ARTISTS

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 EXERCISE
Write down your goal and then work out the key steps you need to get there.

Your goal

Step 4
What will you do?

Step 3
What will you do?

Step 2

What will you do?

Step 1

What will you do?

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 Lack of courage
WHEN WE HAVE BEEN PARALYSED BY FEAR OF FAILURE or thwarted by our own
limiting beliefs, the idea of entering the unknown can send us into a spin. If we
have played it safe for too long, our comfort zone retracts and the smallest step can
feel like a giant leap.

Panic zone

S-t-r-e-t-ch zone

Comfort zone

To help you move beyond your comfort zone and into the s-t-r-e-t-c-h zone where you learn,
grow and some would argue live, try out the following ideas:

Behaving ‘as-if’

This is a good way of ‘trying things on for size’.

Identify a situation you are unsure of. Think about how someone who is performing well in
that situation would behave and act. Then do the things that the confident person would do,
and you will actually feel more confident yourself. And remember, we don’t just communicate
with our words, but also with our tone, pace, rhythm, and body language.

Examples:

At a networking event, talk to the first person you meet as-if you
are going to have a good, comfortable and useful conversation.
“People cannot discover new
When giving a presentation, talk as if you are happy, oceans until they have the
confident and have mastery of your subject. courage to lose sight of the
shore.”

ANON

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 Positive stock-taking
It’s all too easy to forget what you are good at and it’s good to remind yourself regularly.

EXERCISE

Complete the following and keep it to hand so you can refer to it regularly.

I like the fact that I ...

I am proud of myself for …

My skills and strengths are …

I love being myself when …

I feel great when …

The best moment in my life was when …

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 Selling yourself short
NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN YOUR OWN CAREER AS MUCH AS YOU ARE. Not
even your manager, not the organisation, no-one. In order to be successful
you have to be in the driving seat.

As you squash your limiting beliefs and banish your fears, you will start achieving so
much more. And it is YOUR job to let others know about it because if you don’t, no one
else will.

How often have you been asked, “So, what’s going on for you?” and you find yourself
struggling to say the positives for being drowned out by problems you are grappling
with?

This is an opportunity to sell yourself. To help make the most of these opportunities in
future, PREPARE.

EXERCISE

Make a list of your achievements over the past few weeks or months. What are
the outcomes you are most happy with? List them here:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

And then keep this list current by reviewing it EVERY week.

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 SECTION 2.
DARE TO DREAM

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 Envisage the possible
WHAT WOULD YOU DARE TO DREAM IF YOU KNEW you could not fail? If you
knew you would find the answers, overcome your fears, and truly believe in
your own capability, what would be possible? And what if you had the courage
to step beyond your comfort zone?

EXERCISE
Take a few minutes to imagine such a time in the future.

Step 1: Imagine your ideal day, five years from now.

Develop, in your mind, a movie/picture of your ideal day in five years time.

‘Step’ into it and take time to really live it as if you were actually there. Notice what
is going on around you.

How will you be behaving what will you be doing? Notice:

• Where you are living

• Who is with you
• What is important to you
• How you earn your living
• What you love about your job
• The environment you work in
• What car you drive
• Where you holiday
• How you spend your evenings and weekends
• How you are managed and how you manage
• Anything else that is important about this time.

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 Step 2: Record your perfect day

In whatever way seems appropriate to you, make a record of what your perfect
day is like. For example, you might want to write a vivid, detailed account as if
you were telling a story, or you might want to draw a mind map or collage using
pictures to denote what is important to you. Think about videoing yourself on your
smartphone or tablet, that way you can play it back frequently and easily.

Step 3: Walk backwards through time

• When you are ready, take a step back from your perfect day to four years from
now.
• Again, really live it. Notice how you know what you need to be doing in order
to reach your goal. What is going on around you and how this feels. Make a few
notes to remind you what needs to be true at this stage in order for you to reach
your goal.
• When you are ready, take a step back to three years from now, and again really
live it before making a few notes of the milestones to be reached.
• Take a step back to two years from now, then one year, then six months, then
three months, then one month, then two weeks, then one week and finally
tomorrow.

For each stage spend a good amount of time really living that time and noticing what
you notice, feeling what you know you will be feeling and being clear on the steps
you will need to take to reach your goals.

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 Step 4: Actions

Write down a list of actions, insights and milestones to guide you to your future.

Take time to enjoy and celebrate your successes every day and
“Come to the edge. remember to revisit these exercises regularly, smashing your limiting
We might fall. beliefs. Changing your mindset takes time and perseverance,
but it is well worth it in the end as you’ll deliver outstanding
Come to the edge,
results.
It’s too high!
Come to the edge!
And they came, and he pushed
and they flew…”

CHRISTOPHER LOGUE

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advancing women in business

This workbook has been produced and edited by everywoman, with

content commissioned from associate expert Kate Turner. It is part of the
everywoman portfolio of resources that have been specially created to
support and develop women as they advance their careers and businesses.

everywoman Expert

In her work as a leadership development consultant, Kate Turner has gained valuable
insights into the mind-set of high performers and their motivators, and the impact of
both of these factors upon personal success.
She is qualified in numerous personal effectiveness tools and psychometrics,
and people management (MCIPD) and has worked with ITN, JP Morgan, Fidelity
Investments, HSBC and many other organisations.

Further reading

• W. Timothy Gallwey, The Inner Game of Work. Overcoming Mental

Obstacles for Maximum Performance (Texere, 2000)

• Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Vermilion, 2007)

• Rick Carson, Taming Your Gremlins – A Surprisingly Simple Method
for Getting Out of your Own Way (HarperCollins, 2003)

• Martin E. P. Seligman, Learned Optimism – How to change your

mind and your life (Free Press, 1998)

Go to everywoman.com/development for more personal development

workbooks, tools and a schedule of our online seminars.

Copyright

© 2013 Everywoman Ltd. All rights reserved worldwide. This publication is protected by law, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights:
no part of this publication may be reproduced and you are not allowed to make copies and distribute or sell this workbook to anyone else. You
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No responsibility for loss caused to any individual or organisation acting or refraining from action as a result of the material in this publication
can be accepted by Everywoman Ltd or the authors/experts.

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