Dark Psychology and Manipulatio - Steven Secret

Table of Contents
What is Dark Psychology? Discover the dark side of your mind!

Factor D, the dark side of people
Psychological Manipulation in the forensic field
Psychological manipulation occurs through good communication
The "Dark Triad" of personality
Dark Triad: the three components
Dark Triad in work and relationships
How does the Dark Triade show?
The Dark Triad and depression
What Is NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)? A method to enhance personal development
How does it work?
The criticisms
But what exactly is NLP?
The Persuasion. How to handle others
Speaking in perfect way.
Prompt response and firmness.
Take advantage of weaknesses.
Phrases to manipulate people
How to manipulate people: 13 proven strategies that really work!
The persuasion. How to handle others
Persuasion tactics
Five more ways to manipulate the mind
7 Handling techniques to know absolutely
How to defend yourself from mental manipulation - Personal Growth
Unconscious mental manipulation
Mental manipulation techniques
How to defend yourself from mental manipulation
Psychological violence: tips to recognize and overcome it
How to leave a psychopath
Here are some signs that can warn:
Altered states of consciousness: the myth of hypnosis
Persuasion: conditioning others to achieve their goals
Cialdini and the art of persuasion
The five secrets of persuasive communication
Information and persuasion on the Internet
How to defend yourself from captological persuasion
Persuasion: "Nine weaknesses for mental manipulation"
Tricks to interpret people's body language
12 signs to understand that someone is lying to you
Strange psychological mechanisms that explain why we sometimes act absurdly
Obvious signals for interpreting and understanding Body Language
The 5 Keys to Successful Non-Verbal Communication
Emotional manipulation: what it is and how it works
How to identify a manipulator
7 Signs That Reveal That You Are A Victim of Emotional Manipulation
Emotional counter-manipulation techniques
The fog technique
The wolf discovered by sheep
Recognize and STOP emotional handling
Hypnosis techniques
Hypnosis: the myths to dispel
Regressions and false memories.
Therapeutic hypnosis.
But how do you hypnotize?
Regressive hypnosis
Erickson hypnosis
Hypnosis techniques
Self-hypnosis
Hypnotic psychotherapy
A hypnotic technique
Dark Psychology and
Manipulation
Improve Your Life by Understanding
Persuasion, Body Language, Emotional
Influence, with Secret Techniques against
Deception, Hypnosis, NLP Secrets, and
more
by
Steven Secret
Copyright © 2020 Steven Secret. All rights reserved.

No part of this guide may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
What is Dark Psychology? Discover the dark side of your mind!

What Is NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)? A method to enhance personal development
How does it work?
The criticisms
Persuasion tactics
How to defend yourself from mental manipulation - Personal Growth
Psychological violence: tips to recognize and overcome it
Strange psychological mechanisms that explain why we sometimes act absurdly
Obvious signals for interpreting and understanding Body Language
7 Signs That Reveal That You Are A Victim of Emotional Manipulation
The fog technique
Hypnosis techniques
Regressive hypnosis
Erickson hypnosis
Hypnosis techniques
Self-hypnosis
What is Dark Psychology? Discover the dark side of
your mind!
Our mind has a dark side that can make us psychopathic: who is most at risk!
A research team made up of Danish and German scholars has shown that the human
personality has a real dark side, to which all evil traits such as selfishness, narcissism,
psychopathy, and sadism are linked.
This connection between the various dark traits determines that whoever presents
one is more likely to manifest the others.
The dark traits of the human personality such as sadism, narcissism, selfishness and
psychopathy are all closely related to each other, so much so that those who present one of
them are more likely to manifest one or more of the other malevolent traits.
In simple words, there is a real dark side of the human personality, which underlies
the lack of empathy, morality and all those characteristics that make the human being
wicked, even to the point of feeling pleasure before the suffering of others.
To demonstrate the existence of this "dark core" a research team made up of three
Danish and German scholars, has been born; Professor Ingo Zettler, professor of
psychology at the University of Copenhagen, Benjamin E. Hilbig of the University of
Koblenz-Landau and Morten Moshagen of the University of Ulm.
The three scientists came to this conclusion after conducting a series of experiments
with over 2,500 participants, evaluating the dark traits of the human personality both with
statistical methods, and through behavior analysis capable of bringing out a common
thread between an egoist, a liar and a sadist.
The common denominator of the evil traits has been called by Mosaghen and
colleagues "Factor D" (Dark Factor of Personality), which represents the general tendency
to maximize individual utility to the detriment of that of others, neglecting the fate until
knowingly causing damage and with pleasure.
All justifying their actions on the basis of beliefs, useful to prevent the development
of feelings of guilt or shame while behaving with malice and absence of morality.
It may seem absurd that there is a link in the personality of a psychopath, a
narcissist and an egoist, yet it is precisely what has emerged.
Factor D has been highlighted in at least nine dark traits of our personality.
To prove its existence, the scholars verified how well the participants agreed with
various statements (such as "I know I'm special because others keep telling me" or "It's
difficult to go on without smoothing corners here and there") and assessed behavioral
trends such as: aggression, impulsivity, selfishness and lack of ethics.
Statistically analyzing all the data obtained; the presence of this dark nucleus
emerged which underlies all the malevolent traits. It is precisely because of it that a liar is
more likely to be sadistic than someone who is not.
Knowing the existence of this factor can lead to benefits both in the field of research
and, in evaluating the possibilities that a person may engage again in harmful and criminal
activities.
A research by the University of Copenhagen identifies a common trait in the darker

personalities. This common trait is what D factor is.
DISTOCK factor
According to a new study, there are nine distinctive and common traits that define a
person's dark side. Research results show that these types of individuals are characterized
by the D factor.
This factor implies a tendency to put one's goals and interests above all else.
A person has a dark personality type ("Dark", hence factor D) when he presents
traits related to sadism, psychopathy, narcissism or Machiavellianism. In a document titled
"The Dark Core of Personality", published in the journal Psychological Review, the common
denominator is the "general trend of maximizing one's individual usefulness".
In essence, put your goals and interests above anything else. Even if it means
hurting other people.
Factor D, the study by the University of Copenhagen

Researchers Ingo Zettler, psychologist at the University of Copenhagen, Morten
Moshagen, professor at the University of Ulm, and Benjamin Hilbig, professor at the
University of Koblenz -Landau, studied 2,500 people.
They asked them to agree or disagree with several statements.
For example, "Sometimes it's worth suffering a bit to see others get the punishment
they deserve." Or, "I know I'm special because everyone keeps telling me." Zettler said the
results showed how dark aspects of personality seem to have a common denominator.
This suggests that dark traits are an expression of the same mental outlook on life,
which researchers have called the D factor.
What are the most common dark personality traits identified by the team? There
are nine in all:
➢ Selfishness - The excessive need to put one's needs first and foremost.
➢ Machiavellianism - The belief that ends justify means, no matter how manipulative or
insensitive they are.
➢ Moral disengagement - The ability to behave unethically without worrying about the
consequences.
➢ Narcissism - Self-obsession, mania of greatness, looking down on everyone else, still
wanting their attention.
➢ Psychological law - Believing that you are better than everyone and that you deserve
better treatment than others.
➢ Psychopathy - A lack of empathy or shame coupled with impulsive and reckless
behavior.
➢ Sadism - Wanting to inflict emotional or physical harm on others to feel pleasure.
➢ Personal Interest - Desiring social and financial success above all else.
➢ Malignancy - Destructiveness and willingness to cause harm to others, although this can
hurt us.
Psychological manipulation is not only a psychological process, but it is a

communicative process: a good communicator is the one who manages to convey simple,
even if deep and surprising, concrete and credible messages, leveraging emotional factors
and with an easily reproducible narrative modality.
It is not necessary to believe in a supernatural source of evil: men alone are
perfectly capable of any evil.
What does psychological manipulation consist of?

In making this short guide we have tried to broaden the canons of popular
psychological literature, usually dominated by chapters that describe how we can achieve
greater personal well-being, what influences sentimental relationships or how to get along
with our partner in love, children, work colleagues etc.
Other more specialized chapters provide useful information to an audience of
professionals in the psychological disciplines, updating them on new diagnostic
procedures, intervention techniques, efficacy studies, etc.
On the other hand, who ever said that psychology is only a helping discipline?
It is probable that the profane reader, in front of the word psychology, imagines
himself entering an elegantly furnished study, with the wooden floor and the walls
dominated by watercolors, certificates and an immense walnut bookcase.
His imagination will then take him to a comfortable sofa on which to sit, or even lie
down, telling what goes on in his head to a bearded gentleman, intent on taking notes.
Today we would like to offer you a much less reassuring image. Inviting you inside
a dusty and locked room, without windows, with the ghostly light of a neon that illuminates
the face of your interlocutor, intent on smoking a cigarette while his gaze, grim, it does not
abandon even your eyes for a moment; he knows that sooner or later you will tell him what
he wants to hear.
The study of the processes of manipulation, suggestion and influence is a topic dear
to social psychology, which has been dealing with it for decades.
The end of World War II, forced the western world to reflect on totalitarian regimes,
raising disturbing questions about the contribution of each individual in the genesis and
maintenance of political and social systems, based on the restriction of freedoms, violence
and the justification of the most heinous crimes.
Milgram (1974) demonstrated in a masterly way what Hannah Arendt, almost
simultaneously, wrote while attending Adolf Eichmann's trial in Jerusalem: an ordinary
man, placed in a favorable socio-cultural context, could become a ruthless Nazi hierarch.
Milgram identified, in the obedience, and in the fear of contradicting a source of authority,
the factors capable of carrying out a brutal action, such as administering a high voltage
electric discharge to a defenseless person.
However, Eichmann's description of Arendt highlights even more disturbing factors
in their meanness, such as careerism and the need to conform to a hierarchical system, as
well as an inability to reflect on the consequences of one's actions.
On the one hand the fear of contradicting an authority, on the other the desire to be
complicit in it, regardless of the moral implications.
But let's stop here. While these examples concern processes of influence, in which a
person adapts himself in a more or less conscious way to imposed decisions, in the more
frankly manipulative processes, the victim is subjugated in the way of thinking and
perceiving reality, convincing himself of what is inculcated in him.
Understanding the phenomena of psychological manipulation is particularly

important for forensic psychology, which among other things deals with how legal evidence
can be influenced by the psychological conditions of the witness.
The phenomenon of false confessions is perhaps the most significant example of
this. It also appears that investigative forces in the US (but not only in the US) are easy to
confuse conducting an interrogation with extorting a confession. It must be said that in the
United States judicial system, the confession of a defendant assumes a decisive evidentiary
value for the fate of a trial, even in cases where there is little factual evidence. In 25% of
cases in which a person was exonerated thanks to DNA testing, the imputation was made
through a false confession. Even if you are thinking that you are not the types to confess to
a rape or murder that you have not committed, research indicates that innocent people are
particularly vulnerable during interrogations.
According to Redlich and Meissner (2009) in the United States there are different
ways to conduct an interrogation in order to produce (or extort) a confession, all united by
three phases:
❖ Isolation: the suspect is detained in a small room and left alone; he is not
allowed to contact a trusted lawyer. The detained subject is thus encouraged to live
a precarious psychological condition, with feelings of anxiety and insecurity.
❖ Confrontation: investigators assume on principle that the person they face is
the culprit. So, they communicate explicitly, that the evidence is in hand, and allows
them to incriminate the person (it is useful to remember that the police are legally
allowed to lie); that he should not deny his faults, and that these have serious
consequences.
❖ Minimization: in this phase the person who conducts the interrogation
assumes an empathic attitude with the suspect, in order to gain his trust, offers him
justifications for the crime he (not) committed.
Lovers of the TV series will be able to observe an interrogation thus described in
the first season of True Detective, operated by a convincing Matthew McConaughey. We can
therefore conclude that interrogations are an ideal setting for exercising psychological
manipulation.
It is interesting to observe how these methods of conducting interrogations seem to
adapt to Walker's circular model of abuse (1979): according to the author, the genesis of
domestic violence would follow four phases, indicated as:
1) Increased tension: communication between the abusive partner and the
victim is interrupted, the latter feels frightened and feels the need to appease the
abuser's anger.
2) Accident: the abusive partner shows anger towards the victim and exercises
threats and intimidation, verbal, physical or behavioral abuse occurs.
3) Reconciliation: the abusive partner apologizes and justifies himself by
blaming the victim, denies the abuse behavior or minimizes its severity.
4) Calm down: the accident is "forgotten", and no other abuse occurs. Partners
experience a fictitious "honeymoon".
In light of the similarities between the two models, it does not seem risky to say that
false confessions are much more than a manipulation technique, but appear as a subtle and
refined form of torture: even if this term never appears in the models described, it is
evident that the victim of these processes finds himself living in a state of fear and
submission, with the impossibility of asking for help or leaving the relationship.
It follows that the only way to get by is to agree to the demands of those who hold
power in the relationship.
Another factor that can help subject those who are questioned is the lack of rest. A
recent study investigated the role of sleep deprivation using an experimental method.
The dependent variable consisted in the admission of having accomplished a fact
that had not been committed, namely the production of a false confession. The 50% of the
subjects assigned to the experimental group, who had spent a blank night at the university
laboratory, produced a false confession, against 18% of the control subjects.
Psychological manipulation is not only a psychological process, but it is a

communicative process: a good communicator is the one who manages to convey simple,
even if deep and surprising, concrete and credible messages, leveraging emotional factors
and with an easily reproducible narrative modality.
In this regard it can be very useful to know the six principles of social persuasion:
1) Reciprocity: a principle of "I offer you a finger to take your arm", indicates
our tendency to return a favor that is offered to us. A persuasion technique that uses
this principle is that of free samples, customers are provided with a small quantity
of product with the "innocent" intention of informing the public, while this sets in
motion the obligation to return the gift.
2) Commitment and consistency: the need to appear consistent with what we
have done leads us to a mental change that overcomes personal and interpersonal
pressures, in an effort to be consistent with that commitment. A persuasive tactic
that exploits this principle is the "foot in the door" technique which consists in
obtaining big purchases starting with a small one.
3) Social proof: sometimes, in deciding what is right for us, it helps to try to
find out what others consider right. For example, we tend to consider an action
more appropriate when others do it too. The use of testimonials in advertising is
one of the practical transpositions of this principle, another example is the fake
laughter in sitcoms.
4) Sympathy: as a rule, we prefer to agree to the requests of people we know
and like, or who we perceive as similar to us. Husbands who fell victim to the
Tupperware parties will recognize the dramatic effects that this seemingly harmless
principle has on our patience.
5) Authority: a principle of the galactic mega director, indicates the sense of
deference towards the authority for which we tend to follow to the extreme the
order of an authoritative person (or presumed such) in a given field. This is why
dentists are used in toothpaste commercials.
6) Scarcity: a product becomes more attractive when its availability is limited.
This principle also represents an excellent deterrent to procrastination: have you
ever heard of the "race to the last purchase"? Based on this principle, sellers
frequently use limited number tactics, or offer valid for a few days.
The characteristics of those who perform psychological manipulation

Finally, let's move on to the description of the psychological characteristics of the
manipulator: if this is the career you want to undertake, it might be helpful to have
personality traits related to the Dark Triad, or a construct used to describe a constellation
of three personality traits:
- Narcissism: personality trait that describes individuals who tend to appear
ambitious, determined and dominant in interpersonal relationships, up to exhibit a
sense of superiority.
Machiavellianism: personality trait that describes individuals with a strong
tendency to cynicism, to a lack of consideration for ethical and moral principles,
with a tendency to manipulate others to achieve their goals.
- Psychopathy: it is considered the most malignant trait of the Dark Triad, it
describes people characterized by low levels of empathy, combined with high levels
of impulsiveness and search for excitement. Many of these individuals manifest
frankly antisocial conduct.
Now that, in this short guide, we have illustrated the main theoretical knowledge on
psychological manipulation, we are sure that your trust in mankind has certainly not
increased.
However, we believe that knowing these processes is the necessary prerequisite for
being able to defend oneself, reminding the reader to be on guard when our interlocutor
evokes feelings of insecurity or frank threat, or when seductive behavior is followed by
requests for commitment (economic, affective, working…), to which he feels he is
struggling to escape.
The questions to ask in these cases are
"What is he trying to achieve by addressing me in this way?",
"Is it really impossible for me to escape?",
"Are there contrary arguments to oppose?".
Recognizing the manipulative behavior is the first step to be able to escape from it;
with the necessary firmness that derives from the awareness of one's rights that never
have to be trampled, both within the walls of the house, and in the courtrooms.
However, psychological manipulation is part of life, and we don't want to invite the
reader to become paranoid in an attempt to defend himself against unknown threats.
Leaving aside extreme cases such as police interrogations, being persuaded, but also
letting yourself be pampered, are common experiences; for those who have a business it is
not uncommon to suffer a scam from a customer or supplier, as well as for those in search
of the love of life, it is not uncommon to suffer the charm of people with less noble
intentions.
But these experiences, however unpleasant, are not the proof of a defeat: we can
take sporadic blows without losing confidence and positivity in facing life, aware that the
world is not always a reassuring place to live.
The Dark Triad, or dark personality, is a mixture of narcissism, machiavellianism

and psychopathy. What is hidden behind this shady character?
The Dark Triad is a psychological construct that identifies some personality traits
not necessarily pathological, deriving from the mixture of narcissism, machiavellianism and
psychopathy. These people have characteristics that do not perfectly reflect one of the
three categories mentioned but share some aspects that, instead of making them
unpleasant and unpleasant, are highly attractive and successful.
The three components that make up the dark personality have characteristics that
are partly superimposable, but distinct in themselves, which mix to form a unique and
different personality from the three that generate it.
By narcissism we mean a tendency towards grandeur, a continuous search for
admiration and approval, a sense of superiority and a feeling of being special with an effort
to accept criticism, which leads to seeking situations and people who give flattery and
recognition.
Machiavellianism instead indicates manipulative skills, high rationality and
planning to the smallest detail of the moves to the point of justifying even the least
adequate means, poor morality and exploitation of others and situations for one's own
advantage.
Finally, psychopathy is characterized by the absence of empathy, the scarce
presence of remorse, the sense of guilt and anxiety with respect to the consequences of
one's sometimes aggressive and unfair action, disinterest in many areas of one's own action
and difficulty in expressing feelings and emotions, resulting insensitive.
The three characteristic aspects of the dark personality lead to assume significant
characteristics in terms of personality and behavior. Specifically, the person with Dark
Triad tends to be manipulative to the point of exploiting the other for his or her own
advantage, with a detached and cold attitude towards the consequences generated and a
constant thought of grandeur and right, which animate his / her actions.
In the emotional sphere, he seeks strong sensations in different areas, up to
performing extreme and dangerous acts for himself or others, without concern, guilt or
moral sense. He has an excessive care of himself and his physical appearance, with
attention to detail and not caring for external criticisms that are perceived as a
manifestation of others' incapacity and ignorance, with consequent closure of relationships
animated by these circumstances.
However, they are often attractive and intelligent enough to plan their behavior
rationally and punctually.
In the workplace it often happens to observe skilled, rational but extremely

insensitive leaders without a sense of guilt and remorse. In fact, these subjects have
excellent leadership skills, are charismatic, skilled planners and organizers, are very good
at influencing the behavior of others, generating a mixed climate between terror and
admiration. Their action is often characterized by manipulation and exploitation with the
aim of achieving ever higher goals which are what often guarantees their success and
prestigious positions.
In private life and relationships with the opposite sex, they tend to put their charm,
charisma and manipulative tendencies into play, reaching high levels of mating in the short
term; with casual sexual relations, extramarital and fleeting relationships without a real
interest in the partner. They are often attractive especially for people with fragile
personalities, victims of disappointments in various areas of life who know how to make
them feel good and desired, and then leave them after reaching their goal of pleasure.
Among the socially aversive personalities mentioned in Kowalski (2001), three are
the ones that have attracted the most attention of scholars:
1) Machiavellianism: the term, introduced in 1970 by Richard Christie
based on the writings of Machiavelli, indicates a manipulative personality, cold
and controlled, with a low moral sense, self-centred and tending to deception;
2) Narcissism: the construct of subclinical or normal narcissism was
proposed by Raskin and Hall (1979) in an attempt to define a subclinical version
of the narcissistic personality disorder indicated in the DSM, and includes some
indicators used in the original diagnosis: grandeur, sense of right, dominance and
superiority. The existence of a subclinical form of narcissism is supported by
strong scientific research.
3) Psychopathy: the adaptation of the psychopathy construct to a
subclinical sphere dates back to the studies of Hare (1985) and Lilienfeld &
Andrews, (1996). The central aspects of the construct include high impulsivity
associated with the search for strong emotions, low empathic ability and low
presence of anxiety and remorse (it seems that psychopaths present an alteration
in the functioning of the brain structures responsible for processing fear).
In 1998 in their studio, McHoskey JW, Worzel, Szyarto C. claimed that narcissism,
psychopathy and Machiavellianism were more or less interchangeable terms to indicate
certain aspects of personality in a non-clinical sample of individuals, all sharing a trait
called "ELEVATION".
Subsequently, however, Paulhus and Williams in their 2002 study found sufficient
data to demonstrate that the three dimensions were only partially superimposable and
therefore had to be considered separately. In this study, the authors note that disturbed but
not yet frankly pathological personality types are reported in the scientific literature,
frequently characterized by the simultaneous presence of three pathological
features: machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy; the latter present mostly in
subclinical form.
These three dimensions go to configure what is called the "Dark Triad" of

personality.
The authors conducted a study of a sample of 245 students by measuring these

three dimensions through different assessment tools (standardized questionnaires, self-
report tools and laboratory assessments). The results show that the three constructs of the
personality, although they show some interrelationships - sharing some aspects and
manifestations - nevertheless remain distinct and not equivalent aspects. The measure they
seem to share without a shadow of a doubt is the dimension of "unpleasantness" measured
through the Big Five Questionnaire (McCrae and Costa).
The aspects that unite the three dimensions of machiavellianism, narcissism
(subclinical) and psychopathy (subclinical) are the following:
1) Subclinical psychopathy is distinguished by the low level of neuroticism (an
indicator that measures the tendency to be anxious, pessimistic, stressed, angry,
frightened and emotionally unstable)
2) Machiavellianism and psychopathy both show a low level of
conscientiousness and morality
3) Narcissism correlates positively with the presence of high cognitive skills.
Narcissists and - to a lesser extent psychopath - share high scores indicative of self-
exaltation and a sense of superiority and "grandeur".
The authors conclude that the Dark Triad of personalities shows constructs that
partly overlap but that nonetheless remain differentiated.
However, there remains a strong conceptual and empirical tendency to overlap
between the three constructs of the Dark Triad; for example, some researchers have
noticed how all three traits of the triad share characteristics such as:
· lack of empathy
· interpersonal hostility
· interpersonal aggression
The individuals characterized by the dark triad show, as we have seen, some
distinctive traits that derive from subclinical forms of narcissism, psychopathy and from
the characteristics of machiavellianism:
· handling
· instrumentalization of the other
· deception tendency
· emotional coldness
· absence of empathy and moral sense
· absence of remorse and fear
· search for strong emotions
· impulsiveness
· sense of grandeur and specialty
· sense of right
· desire for power and dominance
· exaggerated care of the physical aspect
· acute intelligence
· tendency towards aggression and hostility
These people move around the world more or less with impunity, and it is not at all
difficult to find them on the net among the disturbers (trolls), in the workplace - especially
within the management class, or between interpersonal acquaintances.
In fact, the famous "serial lovers" clearly show many of the characteristics of the
dark triad:
· emotional coldness and disinterest

· exploitation attitude of the partner
· search for strong sensations
· tendency to change partners frequently
· they do everything to conquer the prey which is then used and
"thrown away" without remorse
· search for sexual adventures and experiences to the limit
· abuse of drugs and / or alcohol
· inability to establish an intimate relationship
· lack of moral sense
· deceptions and lies
· handling
Research has highlighted the potentially destructive effect that these individuals
have on the environment and their partners.
The Dark Triad describes the combination of psychopathy, machiavellianism and

narcissism.
These traits have often been associated with negative aspects of the personality and
share insensitive manipulation, deception and aggression but each has its own distinctive
element: psychopathy is related to higher levels of aggression and impulsiveness and is
characterized by behaviors aimed at the search for thrills, dishonesty, egocentrism,
manipulation and antisocial behavior.
Machiavellianism is linked to hypocrisy, exploitation, insincerity and insensitivity
while narcissism is linked to domination, superiority and self-centered attitude, from
exhibitionism and the search for admiration.
A lot of researches have focused on the negative consequences these traits can have
for society at large. However, relatively little importance has been attached to negative
emotional consequences. In fact, in association with this set of traits, high levels of anxiety,
alexithymia and problems in emotional regulation have often been traced. The purpose of
the study by Gómez-Leal et al (2019) was to explore how the three personality traits that
make up the Dark Triad could be related to some depressive symptoms, in particular to
continuous depressed mood, low self-esteem, irritability, to changes in appetite and sleep.
Several previous studies have explored the relationship between depression and the
three traits separately, but no study has ever considered them together.
The data show that high scores of psychopathy and machiavellianism are related to
the presence of depressive symptoms. As for psychopathy, there is currently an open
debate on the relationship between this trait and depression, as some authors consider
both constructs to be mutually exclusive. This is because psychopathy is intended as an
activation disorder, and conversely, mood dysfunctions such as depression which is
included among the inhibition disorders. The authors, however, support the idea that both
constructs are not exclusive, and that in fact, proves a positive relationship between them,
mis precisely the outsourcing of negative moods such as anxiety or depression can cause
antisocial and psychopathic behavior.
Compared to machiavellianism, the positive relationship found with depression is in
line with previous literature. It is characterized by the emotional detachment that is usually
observed in people suffering from depression and anhedonia. As for narcissism, there has
been no finding of a positive relationship with depression.
The authors explain this by observing that narcissism is a characteristic which
differs from psychopathy and Machiavellianism, in terms of social character because the
individual tends to seek positive validation from others. Therefore, people with high scores
on this trait often have good social support, which is considered to be a protective factor
for mood disorders.
Some of the sub-dimensions of the Dark Triad traits associated with depressive
symptoms showed significant differences according to gender. The negative relationship
between depressive symptoms and the self-sufficiency dimension of narcissism is stronger
in women than men while the relationship with vanity has only been observed in women,
while the relationship with contempt for conventional morality has only been observed in
men.
The gender differences found in the relationship between vanity and depression
could be explained by the fact that, the aspects included in the sub-dimension of vanity are
more dominant in women therefore a dissatisfaction with one's body image could justify
the depressive symptoms, while self-sufficiency in women is associated with greater
economic independence and greater professional success which by guaranteeing a high
level of satisfaction with the quality of life, protects them from depressive symptoms.
Finally, in men, the highest scores on the dimension of contempt for conventional morality
could be linked to a lack of social connections, which could result in higher levels of
depression.
From an application point of view, the results of this study could have implications
for the implementation of prevention and treatment programs focused on depression in
conjunction with Dark Triad. The detection of high scores on certain Dark Triad sub-
dimensions could be useful preventive interventions, avoiding future depressive symptoms
or emotional problems.
What Is NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)? A
method to enhance personal development
The acronym NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming and indicates a

methodology for changing the thoughts and behaviors of one or more people, in order to
help them achieve the desired results.
Born in the 70s in California in the middle of the New Age era, NLP owes its success
to the promise (often kept) to improve performance at work and to achieve happiness
through personal development. The founders of NLP, the psychologist Richard Bandler and
the linguist John Grinder, started from the belief that they could identify the thought
patterns and behaviors of successful individuals, and then teach them to others.
One of the main techniques of NLP is in fact constituted by imitation or, as adepts
define it, modelling: by imitating the language and behaviors of successful people it would
be possible to make our skills our own and achieve their own results.
NLP is mainly based on language processing, but also uses other communication
techniques to make people change their thoughts and behaviors.
How does it work?
NLP is based on the idea that people operate through internal "maps" with which to
represent the world.
NLP thus tries to identify these maps (which are nothing more than subjective
experiences of what surrounds us) to change their orientations. It is a methodology that
aims at a change of thought and behavior.
It should be specified that NLP has nothing to do with hypnosis. On the contrary, it
works through the conscious use of language to modify a person's mental and behavioral
pattern.
What is it for?
NLP finds a wide field of intervention, using various techniques according to the
desired purposes.
Starting from the idea that thought and behavior can be modelled, NLP is used for:
· treat anxiety, phobias and stress, thus improving emotional responses to
certain situations;
· achieve successful professional goals, such as increased productivity at
work and motivation;
· remove negative thoughts and feelings associated with a past event;
· improve their communication skills.
In general, NLP is used as a method for personal development through the
"enhancement" of one's skills, which aims to have greater self- confidence and to
communicate better with others.
The criticisms
To date, the efficacy of NLP has not yet been demonstrated, despite the fact that
more than 40 years have passed since its conception, nor has this practice been the subject
of rigorous scientific analysis, as happened for example for cognitive psychological
therapy-behavioral. This has led to an absence of formal regulation, which can give rise to
both arbitrary interpretations of the method and to its "manipulative" use.
Furthermore, scientific research on NLP has found contradictory evidence.
Some studies from the 1980s to 1990s have proven the benefits associated with
NLP. For example, a study published in the journal Counselling and Psychotherapy
Research found that patients in psychotherapy (various addresses) had improved
symptoms and quality of life after being treated in association with the NLP methodology
and psychotherapeutic treatments.
However, a review published in the 2014 British Journal of General Practice refutes
the effectiveness of NLP with at least 10 studies. In summary, according to these studies,
there is little evidence to assert that the method works with demonstrative evidence,
especially when it intends to treat people's health, including mood disorders, weight
management and substance abuse. According to scholars, the positive effects on the impact
of the method would exist, but they are not exhaustive and not convincing. Only 18% of all
research on NLP found clear cause-and-effect support for the theories underlying the
method.
However, it should be noted that the research was conducted mainly in therapeutic
contexts, and not in the commercial context, where NLP would find greater use.
One of the most used communication techniques in the last twenty years is Neuro
Linguistic Programming. Known as NLP, it is one of the "sciences" most used by
researchers, athletes, consultants, managers, training experts and professional
communicators.
NLP was born and developed in California in the 70s, thanks to the collaboration of
the mathematician Richard Bandler and the famous linguist Jhon Grinden.
Reserved for a few in the past because of the high cost of the courses and the
difficulty of the books that dealt with the subject, this science gradually manages to make
its way into the psychological sphere.
NLP it is a psychological method that studies people's behavior, analyses models

and thus extracts the practical techniques to teach to potentially overcome any situation
(work, success, relationships).
What NLP teaches is that each of us can, with willpower, change and revolutionize
one's life in an instant, abandoning limits through the help of concrete techniques. Each
person is the architect of his own destiny, determined exclusively by our decisions and not
by the living conditions as many believe and which are already "prescribed" and not
changeable.
The message that NLP wants to convey to us is the secret of living well, that is
"living life trying to make the most of it”. It is we, and only us, who can make everything we
want possible, starting from the determination, constancy and determination, which from
the beginning must not be missing, together with the desire to fight for a purpose, therefore
the energy that goes put into practice, up to the exercise, application, construction and
achievement of our goal.
In a nutshell, this method would help us become the people we always wanted to
be; an opportunity to learn how to use our mind and body in the most functional way
possible.
Talking about NLP is equivalent to dealing with themes based on creativity, on
freedom, on self-esteem, on choices and therefore on courage. The founders of NLP in fact
coined this term (Neuro Linguistic Programming) precisely to highlight a link between
neurological processes (neuro), language (linguistics) and the various behavioral screens
that have been learned only through experience (programming).
It is indeed impossible, according to Bandler and Grinden, to find a field where this
model cannot be applied: from self-esteem problems to sports or school skills, from
courtship to success, and there are those who even claim that this discipline somehow
manages to fight depression and other psychological disorders.
Summing up, NLP has among its main purposes, the goal of developing successful
habits / reactions, amplifying effective behaviors to make what we want for us to happen
and decreasing unwanted ones, which limit the occurrence of our design drawings.
With Neuro Linguistic Programming you learn to model the quality of the internal
images lived and the sensations perceived so that they act for our benefit in the future. NLP
makes us aware of our unconscious behaviors and programs that we can modify as we
wish.
There are NLP academies where you can learn and put into practice all the possible
techniques to achieve what you want a purpose: motivation, the basis for all our desire, is
the ingredient fundamental that pushes us to fight to get it. Without it none of us would be
able to reach the end to which it aspires.
Do you want to understand who you are facing in 60 seconds?

Do you want to sell successfully?
Would you like to increase your charisma or have a seductive and convincing
voice?
According to the method in question, this can be done and much more.
Optimism, joy of life and cooperation are the three secrets of living in harmony.
Everyone needs a paladin.
Have you ever wished for some things for yourself and done nothing to get what you
claim you want? Have you ever wanted to lose weight, to free yourself from the slavery of
some addiction such as alcohol or smoking, to want to learn a language or play an
instrument?
Certainly yes, but how many of you have put your goals into practice and how many
others have been stuck? This is how it happens, for all those belonging to the second
sphere, who finds us doing only one action: complaining. The coach then takes over and
helps us take stock, find our orientation, define ourselves as people. It spurs us to find a
motivation in the event that our "journey" becomes tortuous.
There are four types of coaches:
Life coach: the one who helps us achieve personal goals;
Company coach: the one who helps companies and professionals in the sector to
act more effectively and with determination in professional life;
Career coach: one who helps people in the phases of professional change, therefore
a career jump or even a professional regression;
Sport coach: helps students raise the level of performance and thus triggers mental
and physical training.
The main objective of NLP is therefore to explain to us how everything we are is the
simple result of what we have thought. Our life is in our hands.
Don't believe it? Try it for yourself!
NLP is an attitude ...

An attitude characterized by a sense of curiosity, adventure and desire to learn the
necessary skills to understand what types of communication affect others. It is the desire to
know things that are worth knowing. It is looking at life as a rare opportunity to learn.
NLP is a methodology ...

A methodology based on the principle that every behavior has a structure ... and that
this structure can be extrapolated, learned, taught and even changed. The guiding criterion
of this method is to know what will be useful and effective.
NLP is a technology ...

A technology which allows a person to organize information and perceptions in
order to achieve results deemed impossible in the past.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming therefore deals with the study of the structure of
subjective experience and what can be calculated from it.
His basic belief and promise are that effective thinking strategies can be identified,
assumed and used by anyone who wishes to.
NLP was born from the fruit of years of research, carried out by Richard Bandler
and John Grinder, aimed at finding out what the behavioral and linguistic elements were
that allowed successful people to have such a significant constancy of positive results.
The results were the identification of a series of specific and reproducible
behavioral strategies and linguistic models.
The hoaxes of neuro linguistic programming.
From psychotherapy to coaching, NLP is still without solid experimental evidence,
and has many characteristics of pseudo sciences.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) has been rejected by science in every possible
and imaginable way, yet it continues to be talked about.
The more attentive will have noticed that in the film Kingsman - Secret service
(2014) neuro linguistic programming is passed off as a weapon of seduction.
It is in fact almost impossible to find a field where the NLP, according to its
supporters, cannot be applied: from courtship to leadership, from self-esteem problems to
sports skills, success is at hand, and there are even those who come to propose discipline to
combat depression and other psychological disorders.
But what exactly is Neuro-Linguistic Programming?

The origins.
The NLP was born in the first half of the 70s, the golden age of the New-Age, and
perhaps it is no coincidence that the crib was the California lysergic. The dads in the new
discipline were Richard Bandler, a psychology student at the time, and linguist John
Grinder, both from the University of California, Santa Cruz, who had begun to work out a
sort of “theory of everything” of psychotherapy from their respective fields of study.
One of the cornerstones of the new, revolutionary branch of psychology would be
imitation or, as the adepts define it, modelling: imitating the language and behavior of
successful people it would be possible to make our skills our own and achieve their own
results.
It is thus in fact, according to the Gospel of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, that
Grinder and Bandler arrived at another fundamental intuition called Meta-model: studying
the work of three famous psychotherapists and integrating it with theories by famous
linguists such as Gregory Bateson and Noam Chomsky, they convinced themselves that the
key to therapy was not so much what the patient said, but how he said it.
According to the NLP, in fact, three processes exist in language (generalization,
cancellation and distortion) through which we unconsciously eliminate part of the
information. According to the NLP, the psychotherapist's task would be to ask the patient
for the words he chooses to use, so that he himself can understand the underlying
structure. Simplifying, if the patient says, "Everyone is treating me badly" (generalization)
the therapist could reply "Is there really nobody who treats her well?" and so on.
Grinder and Bandler also distilled the concept of the representational system. In
our mind we create subjective representations of the reality that surrounds us based on
what our senses perceive, from which derives one of the evocative mottos made by the
followers of the NLP: "The map is not the territory”. But from this reasonable (and certainly
not original) premise, the fathers of the NLP arbitrarily deduced that it is possible to
understand how each of us thinks, based on a series of clues from language and eye
movements.
If we frequently use expressions like "I see you like cinema" we will reveal that our
preferred representational system is the visual one. The auditory representational system
will instead be indicated by expressions such as "I have heard too many speeches on this
issue" while the kinesthetics, that is, the people who relate to reality above all in terms of
touch, taste and smell, will tell us " his handshake I didn't like it." You could then use this
information to experiment, or to experiment, other ways of processing information, or to
get in tune quickly.
Summing up, Bandler and Grinder said that the Neuro-Linguistic Programming was
derived from the most modern psychological and linguistic theories of the time and
consisted of a set of methods (among which we have mentioned only some of the most
important) that would allow you to effectively reprogram your own way of thinking and
communicating. Yet, as it soon became clear, none of this was true.
Little science, a lot of pseudoscience.

Starting from the name, Neuro Linguistic Programming deliberately refers to
concepts proper to science and the academic world. Despite the emphasis on its practical
aspects, whether they are healing from phobias or becoming leaders, it is therefore
essential to remember that any appeal to the scientific nature of the NPL is completely
inappropriate.
The linguists, neuroscientists and psychologists who dealt with the self-grill tomes
published by the duo (and their successors) are in agreement: the numerous luminaries
that Grinder and Bandler call to support their theories, have nothing to do with them. For
example, legend has it that Noam Chomsky's transformational grammar has contributed
considerably to the development of the NLP, but Chomsky's ideas are theoretical constructs
which explain how people speak, it doesn't tell people how they should speak.
Furthermore, Chomsky has abandoned or modified his own theories since the 1960s. But
those who support the NLP do not keep up with modern theory. In addition to borrowing
the terms, the NLP does not resemble any of Chomsky's theories or philosophies.
Furthermore, Chomsky does not patent his theories.
Stollznow refers to the rights of use of the name and principles of the NLP, which led
to a long legal dispute that saw Bandler and Grinder opposed. In this regard, the linguist
comments:
“None of the innumerable models, pillars and principles of the NLP has helped these
founders to resolve their personal and professional conflicts”.
What makes the NLP a pseudoscience is also what has presumably allowed it to
survive in health to date. The descriptions of the methods that make it up have enough
technical jargon to give an illusion of scientific, and the methods themselves are so vague
and numerous that it is easy to find someone capable of seducing us with its deceptive
plausibility.
All this also makes it easily updatable (by anyone who wants, since there is no
shared education and certification system): for example, there are those who now bring up
mirror neurons, ace taken by pop psychology, and of course it cannot miss quantum
mechanics: it is no coincidence that the Grinder agency is called Quantum leap .
But it works?
The theories behind the NLP will also be ridiculous and based on invented or
outdated assumptions, but this is not in itself enough to say that it does not work in some
way.
The problem is that the vague and adaptable nature of this pseudoscientific
discipline, makes it impossible to test in a way that is satisfactory for those who practice it.
For example, when the psychologist Richard Wiseman and colleagues showed that it was
not possible to understand if a person was lying by eye movements, some experts began to
deny that the claim really belonged to the NLP.
Having said that, many studies have been carried out to evaluate the effectiveness
of the NLP, both in psychotherapy and in communication and based on them there is broad
consensus on its ineffectiveness.
In fact, few scientific studies support it and systematic reviews have regularly
rejected it. And to say that there were high expectations: the American army, was also
interested in certain new-age techniques that were spreading in the 80s, including the NLP,
and asked a National Research Council committee to evaluate them. Della NLP was
particularly interested in the part that would allow influencing others, but at the end of the
two years of investigation the committee's response was negative.
Even modelling, which would seem so captivating on the surface, has no place in
modern psychology. Many studies have shown that achieving a certain success (economic,
political, etc.) is the consequence of a series of circumstances influenced by a synergy of
factors, some of which are even random (ability to seize an opportunity, the presence this
occasion, a fertile ground that allows its development; a social and cultural need that can
accommodate it, and, obviously, a good background preparation). In the absence of these
factors, simple talent would remain frozen like a closed car, a garage, without petrol and a
suitable road to travel on. Regardless of the form and content of language, its particular use
is certainly not the key to a certain success nor the imitation or learning of the form of that
used by people who have achieved extraordinary results in a given field. The relationship
between language, its reprogramming and consequent success, therefore, is unfounded.
Business
Although it was born as psychotherapy and with the aspirations of a scientific
revolution, the only niche where the NLP could logically survive was that of self-help and
coaching and it is these sectors, in fact, the only ones that enthusiastically produce the
evidence of his operation. It is a pity, however, that these efficacy tests are exclusively
anecdotal: how come nobody systematically checks how a representative sample of
customers reacts to the techniques of the NLP, and if a certain effect is really attributable to
the NLP and not to other factors?
In the meantime, anyone can enter the business, because the lawsuits have
established that even the founders are not entitled to the exclusive name, so whoever
wants can register his favorite combination, if he arrives on time.
Will only the kinesthetics feel a little teased?
The name Neuro-Linguistic Programming is composed of three terms which mean:
· Programming: according to scholars, we have assets of programs enclosed
in our mind and these programs can be modified.
· Neuro: these programs are arranged in such a way as to become neural
configurations.
· Linguistics: language is part of our system of communication with others
and through precision languages it is possible to extract the limits that hinder the
achievement of our objectives.
NLP is an attitude….
An attitude characterized by a sense of curiosity, adventure and desire to learn skills
necessary to understand which types of communication influence others.
It is looking at life as a rare opportunity to learn.
NLP is a methodology….
A technology based on the principle that every behavior has a structure that can be
extrapolated, learned, taught and even changed.
The criterion of this method is to know what will be useful and effective.
NLP innovation consists in presenting a model rather than a theory, recognizing the
subjectivity of verbal and non-verbal communication.
It is important to clarify the difference between theory and model: the role of a
model is to describe the functioning of a system, while a theory tries to explain why this
system works in this way.
One could summarize this with the formula: theory is concerned with why and the
model of how.
We are talking about a model that does not deal with the reality of the facts, but with
the mental representation that individuals have, regardless of the reasons that generated it.
NLP is a technology….
A technology which allows a person to organize information and perceptions that
come from both external and internal reality, in order to achieve results previously thought
impossible. This method therefore deals with the study of the structure of subjective
experience. His basic belief and promise are that effective thinking strategies can be
identified, assumed and used by anyone who wishes to.
But what does it mean to study individual experience?
It means that each individual is in contact with the external world by means of
sensorially, that is, he perceives the world through the five senses and internal sensations.
This perception is filtered by three types of filters, which formed his personality.
These filters are:
· Genetic filter that comes from its genetic heritage inherited at birth is a
complex summation of genes from the past;
· Social filter that is built in growing, through the education received,
culture, education, values, the social belt to which it belongs, the ideologies learned
and professed, the lifestyle that has influenced the choices.
· Individual filter that is made up of personal history, of what happened in
life and which conditioned values, emotions, feelings.
It is therefore very evident that each person perceives things differently from
another, and this diversity forms the internal mental process which is composed of the
mental representations of what is perceived, influencing the values and beliefs, which
initiate an internal state composed of emotions, feelings and sensations that form the
metaprograms, the strategies of people still in the form of mental representations.
After all this internal work, the person responds to stimuli with his own language,
which as we have said is of two types, verbal and non-verbal. Non-verbal language is much
more important than verbal and often represents true communication as it is unconscious,
automatic, symbolic.
NLP is therefore communication and research. It is a model born from the
observation of excellent communicators; therefore, it teaches, first of all to be good
listeners and good observers, capable of understanding others before being
communicators, also teaching how to have control of their strategies and then be able to
communicate effectively. The great innovation of NLP is to enter the observation, listening
and sensations that non-verbal communication produces on four levels:
1. What happens with the interlocutor;
2. How its communication is expressed;
3. What provokes in those who listen to this communication;
4. How it behaves, consequently who has listened and what answers it
provides.
We can say that NLP represents the most advanced frontier of hypnotic and
cognitive therapies, which finds, in the reorganization of the strategies of the unconscious
mind, it’s fascinating and promising aspect. It turns out to be a powerful tool for its
plasticity, ability to adapt to any human being. Undoubtedly NLP cannot allow us to
understand what our purposes are, but it can certainly help us clarify our objectives and
their realization.
The main features of NLP are:
In the emphasis placed on the creative and reorganizing capacities of the
unconscious mind, distinct from the psychoanalytic unconscious that is completely
neglected, both as a structure that created the psychic problem and as an entity capable of
solving it. In the meticulous description of the sensory processes, through which the
individual organizes the data of external reality into its internal one, integrating them with
those already existing. In organizing a system of psychotherapeutic strategies, based on the
therapist-operator's technical ability to enter into relationship with the non-dominant
hemisphere of the person in front of him, rather than with his cognitive processes. NLP is
distinguished from other behavioral sciences by the effort made towards satisfying the
scientific criteria of elegance, reliability and precision, through the use of constants,
independent of the change in human nature.
Knowing how to manipulate people can be useful in many areas of the job of
manager and seller that's why I will give you some techniques to manipulate people but
know that there is no spell.
Normally when we talk about manipulating, we know that people’s negative
thoughts are generated, because there is already a negative idea of who uses psychological
manipulation, to get what they want, and think that manipulation of the mind is for people
who plot, alter and deceive. By bringing the manipulation into the world of work, the
perception changes completely: those who manage to obtain the results they set
themselves are considered a great manager or a skilled seller.
How to go about manipulating people
The manager or salesperson who can convince people to do what he wants uses
techniques that allow him to have effective communication. The list of points below
highlights aspects from which you can understand how to manipulate the mind:
The most fearsome of the manipulators is the one who speaks perfectly.
Thanks to its excellent property of language, knowledge of the topics, use of pauses,
cadence of sentences and use of the right tone, it intimidates and displaces the interlocutor
creating imbalance and always trying to have the last word.
Mastering the manipulation of thought is a process that requires time and exercise.
Have you ever met someone who can always and easily obtain consent?
To be able to manipulate the human mind, you must be able to respond immediately
to objections, especially the less important ones. The answer must not only be immediate
but also aggressive and intimidating.
Another way to convince others is to rephrase the other's claims in their favor: good
faith and education do the rest.
The idea is to create in the other such a confusion that makes him lose sight of the
common thread. Enduring insistence on one's position and direct attack in an almost
offensive way are the techniques that give the best results.
The masters of manipulation are able to quickly identify the weak point of the
person with whom they are speaking and manage to leverage this weak point to achieve
their purpose.
Knowing how to manipulate people also passes through the appropriate use of
phrases that have the specific purpose of creating an emotional reaction in the interlocutor:
Flattery
1. You are the only one who understands me.
2. What would I do without you?
False modesty
1. He certainly knows more than I do
2. You teach me…
Intimidation
· Without me where are you going?
· Just try to piss me off and you'll see
ATTENTION: These phrases should be used with caution because the wrong
approach could blow up all the negotiation: nobody likes to be manipulated.
The counter moves
If you think you are an easy person to handle, the best thing to do is to be aware of
your weak points in order to better defend yourself and not believe in advances, be
superior to aggressions and be indifferent to talking, so as not to fall into the trap.
Conclusion
Some manipulate entire masses of people to support their ideas, others succeed on
the job and others succeed only with family members, but in principle we all know what it
means to manipulate people and how to do it.
Do you feel more manipulative or manipulated?
Exercise:
· Do you know what your weaknesses are, those that if caught make you feel
defenseless?
(e.g. a particular topic, complimenting language, money ...)
· Who do you use manipulative communication techniques to talk to?
Now, you don't have to turn into an American Psycho master manipulator.
However, it doesn't hurt when you know how to manipulate people the right way.
Manipulative people have a stereotype for being, well, highly manipulative,
narcissistic and sociopathic. But this does not mean that manipulation is a bad thing.
I would say that there is a scale of manipulation that goes from persuasion to good
... to evil. But listen, sometimes when someone is stopping you from getting something you
want or need, you have to find another way to get it.
So, if you find yourself being the good guy and getting hit in every corner you do, it's
time to play smart. I'll show you some techniques, however, you need to remember that
manipulation only works when you don't see yourself being manipulated. If they catch you,
it's too late.
Strategies to manipulate people

It is normal to feel bad when manipulating someone. But sometimes, you have no
other choice. If you feel like you've walked everywhere and taken advantage of someone,
then it's helpful to know how to manipulate people. So, here are some strategies for you.
1. Work with their emotions. The easiest way to manipulate people is
with their emotions. You saw it on TV and in movies, and it works like a charm. You
want to guide them to feel in a specific way ... a way that benefits you. This is an
emotional manipulation, I mean, if you're making fun of it, I understand.
2. Take possession of your emotions. Before you can manipulate
someone, you will have to master your own emotions. If you are not in control of
yourself, you are making yourself a target in your own game.
You have to laugh when it is necessary, shed a tear when necessary, in other words,
you have to do an act. Depending on the emotion you want them to feel, you will need to be
able to use your emotions even on demand.
3. Trust me. People who have been manipulated before are usually quite
receptive to signs, so if you think trust can be a problem, you have to make them
trust you.
The best way to do this is to open up to them and talk to them about something
personal. When you open them, they will see that you trust them. If you are not good at
acting, maybe you follow a rather true story.
4. Be nice. Listen, none of this will work if you don't like them. Whether
you are a good person or not is irrelevant. Your goal is to make them like you. So, if
you are a negative person, put those real feelings aside and let that smile out of you.
Don't kiss them, because they will notice. But if you behave well, then you will slip
immediately.
5. Learn body language. If you want to know how to manipulate people
well, you need to be able to read people's body language. Most people's self-
expressions go through non-verbal communication. People might say "yes" or "no",
but it's your job to read them and see if that's what they really mean. It's all in the
body.
6. Guilty approach. This is one of the oldest and easiest ways to
manipulate someone. The good old guilty approach. Your mom probably did this to
you 1000 times when she wanted you to do something.
When someone feels guilty about something, they will try to fix it. This is when you
suggest to them how they can compensate. It works best with people who are prone to feel
guilty.
7. Play victim. Personally, I can't stand people who play victim, but
sometimes it works. If you play this card, you cannot use it all the time. People get
tired of the victims after a while. But if you're going to use the victim's card, pair it
with the guilty approach for the best results.
8. Use what you have. If you have a beautiful face or a beating body, use
it to your advantage. I know it's bad to hear, but it's definitely the easiest way to get
someone to do something.
People are superficial, so you can even get on that train if it gets you what you want.
Also, sooner or later, your looks will fade away, and therefore you won't be able to use this
method.
9. Take out the bribe. You are probably wondering if people are using
more bribes, well, let me tell you, they do. If you want to make someone do what
you want, bribe them.
You can bribe them with material, emotional or mental rewards. They will feel
persuaded to do what you want because they consider it an advantage for them. But first,
make sure you find out what that person needs.
10. Be in love. Sex sells, people. So, what you should do is bring out your
charm and the coquettish side. By mixing both charm and flirtation, the person
feels good. This usually works on people who are alone and have low self-esteem. I
mean, it sounds horrible ... because it is. But I have a feeling you're not too worried.
11. Fear and Relief technique. This technique of manipulating people
involves you playing with someone's emotions. This is to help the person when you
see that they are going to give up. The goal is to give them an emotional boost that
leaves them unattended. In those moments, they are more likely to do what you
want.
12. "Feet in goal" technique. This is another classic and extremely effective.
It is very subtle and complicated, which is what makes it so manipulative. Basically,
ask them to do a small task and then to follow the real task you had in mind.
13. If you are caught, don't act manipulatively. This is a beginner's mistake
when learning how to manipulate people. Once caught, they continue to exhibit
manipulative behavior. What you need to do is act calmly and allow them to control
the situation. You have to create doubts.
If you haven't heard of any of these manipulation techniques, well, I'm somehow
happy to hear it. However, use these tactics for how to manipulate people, not necessarily
to hurt, but if you can't get what you want. Try one of these techniques, they always work.
Maybe you didn't know, but we can all learn to be persuasive, to do yes, to those
close to us. There are real tactics, the result of years and years of psychological studies,
which serve to perfect the difficult and diabolical art of human manipulation. Yes, you
understand correctly, persuasion is an art. Being able to convince anyone to say yes is a fine
and subtle technique that can be learned and then put into practice. Call it persuasion or
manipulation, without paying too much attention to the positive or negative connotation
that the term must have, but in fact it exists.
It is that art that we involuntarily put into action, when we try to bring others to our
side continuously, both to convince the partner to see the film we have chosen, that is to
convince the son to engage in the study, and that is to demonstrate to colleagues of having
made the right choice, it does not matter, it is appropriate to say that the end justifies the
means. To make someone persuaded by our thoughts, you don't need to raise your tone or
use sweet words. Persuasion techniques consist of a truly complex communication process
in which words, tone of voice, listening, the ability to empathize with others count. We need
very specific strategies. We put aside arrogance and try to make others do what we want,
convincing them in a genuine and strategic way. Persuasion is a powerful force in everyday
life and has a great influence on the whole of society. Think of the well-known population
drivers, politicians, advertising managers. Politics, legal decisions, the masses, the news are
all factors that are influenced by the power that persuasion creates. Anyone is affected by
it.
Some feel so secure and immune, that they think they are not even touched by
someone's persuasion; they think they have a natural ability to see through an attempt to
sell, to understand the purpose of others well, and therefore to be able to reach
autonomously effective conclusions. Unfortunately, this is not the case, because persuasion
can be subtle, and how you respond to these influences can depend on a variety of factors
that cannot all be controlled. For those interested in the topic, some useful and practical
advice, the result of years of psychological studies performed on people of various bands.
Persuasion tactics
We learn to listen: if we know what matters to the other, we can become persuasive.
So first, we listen to the other to get as much information as possible about him. To
convince a child to study more, it is essential to know what he likes, what he does, what he
does not resist, what to leverage. If you are able to make it clear that you know more than
your interlocutor, this will immediately recognize your credibility and authority and will
make you convince more easily.
Giving a gift: the rule of reciprocity means that when we get something, we tend to
feel indebted to a person who has given us a gift, until we somehow manage to pay back.
This is what charities usually do when they give supporters a small gift. Better not to
exaggerate, otherwise, there is the risk of cracking the altruistic motivations at the origin of
the gesture of the other, and that the latter, receiving something in advance, feels satisfied
and then unmotivated.
Appropriate language: it is a matter of choosing kind words, decided without
involuntarily cracking suspicions of responsibility towards the other, helping him in a
confidential dialogue, calling him by name and looking him in the eye. We must pay
attention to the terms that could make the other feel pressured, evoking a
counterproductive sense of antagonism and accusation. Formulate the speech using nouns
rather than verbs. Asking "How important it is for you to be a winner at the next race" is
more profitable than asking "How important it is for you to win the next race".
Stick and carrot: change the rate at which both positive reinforcements and negative
disincentives are administered. Uncertainty makes learning faster. Maintaining behavior or
longer, even when punishment and reward are removed, is helpful. It is the principle, or
system, if you like, of chronic gambling addiction.
Leave the time to change your mind: we must not think of being able to persuade
quickly. Leave the time and space to do it. If you have collected a refusal, repeat the same
question after some time to the people you want to convince. It is probable that the
motivations that had prompted at first to say no, in the meantime have vanished or are
weaker.
Concept of the freedom of others: also say phrases like: “You are free to think it as
you think! Don't feel obligated in any way". Phrases like these reaffirm the other person's
freedom and avoid the other person feeling pressured or annoyed by your attempts to
persuade. Instead, he will be more easily persuaded.
Elements of persuasion
Persuasion is symbolic, it uses words, images, sounds etc.
It is a deliberate attempt to influence others.
The key is self-persuasion. People are not forced, instead they are free to choose.
The ways in which persuasive messages are transmitted can be numerous and
varied, including verbal and non-verbal through television, radio, the Internet or face-to-
face communication.
Persuasion can really be applied in many ways; you can use the technique to
persuade or swear.
In this chapter I just wanted to talk about how the art of persuasion can change the
way you communicate and sell yourself, to achieve goals. Being good persuaders is an art,
but also knowing how to defend yourself from the various persuasion techniques is useful
to know for both reasons. It's like knowing how to use a weapon. It is useful for attacking
someone, as it is for knowing how to defend yourself from someone else. Persuasion is a
tool, and like any tool it can be used for right or wrong ends. Many of the concepts that have
been elaborated in this post are intrinsic in our daily life, more than we are able to notice at
first. With this section we have only tried together, to put some order in the chaos of the
different intuitions that you may have had already in first place. I hope, I have been clear in
explaining the potential of these principles and make them even more tangible through
practical examples. So, if you want, you can deepen your knowledge about it, giving
yourself to the reading of interesting and curious books, which exist on the market.
The human mind always surprises us. Science continues to study it, but its deepest
secrets are not yet known. The more scientist’s study it, the more they come up with new
puzzles.
We start from the idea that we know reality through the mind. We delude ourselves
that being "rational" brings us closer to the truth. However, various experiments show that
things are perhaps not quite like that.
“The senses are the bridge between what is understandable and what is not.”
There are many ways of deceiving the mind. Several studies have shown that it is
possible to induce someone to perceive non-existent realities and to distort existing ones.
The mind, therefore, is not only concerned with organizing the world of reason, but also
with populating the world of fantasy. Below we will talk about the five experiments that
prove it.
1. The mind and the illusion of the marble hand.
In 2014, a group of neuroscientists from the University of Bielefeld (Germany)
conducted a curious experiment on the perception of the mind. The scholars gathered
several volunteers asking them to sit down and place their hands on the table in front of
them. Then, they gently hit their right hand with a gavel. At the same time, the sound of a
huge hammer was hitting a block of marble. A few minutes later, all participants felt that
their hands were stiffer, heavier and harder, as if they were made of marble. Their brains
had combined tactile and sonic perception and, given that sonic was stronger, it had
prevailed creating the illusion of the marble hand.
2. The prisoner's dilemma and temperature.
The prisoner's dilemma is a hypothetical situation proposed in game theory which
shows that the best solution for people involved in a competitive problem is that they all
cooperate in an organized way.
It is assumed that there are two complicit prisoners. They are separated and invited
to betray each other. Several alternatives are proposed: one is offered complete freedom on
the condition of betraying the other or that no one betrays the other and that both receive
only one year of condemnation.
This dilemma was reproduced as a real experiment, one of the prisoners was put a
hot object in his hand, the other a piece of ice. The same situation has been reproduced
with other pairs of prisoners.
The result was always the same: the prisoner with the hot object in his hand was
less selfish. Temperature seems to influence the way our mind processes information.
3. Prolonged isolation.
Prolonged isolation has been shown to have important effects on the mind. A
significant case is that of Sarah Shourd, imprisoned in solitary confinement in Iran for
10,000 hours. Sarah began to have frequent hallucinations so that she could no longer
understand if she or someone else was screaming.
Prolonged isolation, together with darkness, causes serious changes in the brain's
perceptual capacity. In particular, the sense of time and body rhythm is lost. The daily cycle
can increase to 48 hours, 36 of activity and 12 of sleep.
4. The McGurk effects.
Science has shown that the senses work together. They are a sort of "mix". What we
feel is not independent of what we see, touch or smell. The mind combines these
perceptions and builds global meaning. For example, it has been shown that if a person
sees the needle of a syringe, he will feel more pain during the puncture or injection. It is not
so strange, therefore, to close your eyes before the sting.
Various experiments have been made on this, with different senses. In England,
some volunteers were invited to dine in the dark. The meal was a delicious steak, but once
the lights came on, the diners saw that the meat was blue and most of them wanted to
vomit.
5. The illusion of the invisible body.

The human brain confuses reality and fantasy with great ease. A few years ago, in
Sweden, an experiment was conducted at the Karolinska Research Institute involving 125
volunteers who were given virtual glasses. Once worn, they saw themselves and beside a
person who used a brush over them, to each brush stroke disappeared. While watching this
scene, a person really touched them with a brush.
The participants had the feeling that they had become invisible. Later they were
exposed to a very demanding public and their reactions were monitored: the stress levels
were very low.
They were more relaxed because they believed they were invisible. As you can see,
it is not so difficult to deceive the mind.
All these experiments show that brain perceptions can completely deviate from
reality. In this case, it is a matter of physical experiences, but the same goes for abstract
experiences. As much as we are convinced otherwise, we are not as close to reality as we
think.
Thanks to numerous studies it is now possible to recognize many manipulation

techniques capable of weakening your will and opening your mind to forms of conditioning.
It is during this process that the potential victim must work and draw up his own
defensive lines and, to do so, it is essential to recognize these mechanisms.
In this book, manipulation techniques that use torture, sensory deprivation or
submission will not be described; techniques that do not find a real place in everyday life
for most of us.
Manipulation techniques for the use of sects and cults that we can frequently find
also in current working contexts will be described, especially in those contexts and
territories where work blackmail is very strong.
These are some manipulative techniques that I personally experienced when
working for social cooperatives.
However, I must warn you that my ex-boss is extremely intelligent and fully part of
the most skilled persuaders of our time, he has truly extraordinary abilities: refined tastes,
excellent dialectic, always available for pleasant conversations and great sensitivity
towards others.
This is not to justify myself, but to make you notice that most of you will only
encounter crude and illiterate bosses who will make you regret immediately having
accepted the job, therefore no persuasive art; just crap.
1. Love bombing
"Love bombing" is one of the most widely used mental manipulation techniques that
has the longest lasting effects.
The initial phase is characterized by enticements, seduction, non-sexual bodily
contacts but full of affection (basins, caresses, hugs) and a lot of attention towards any
needs of the newcomer.
The newcomer is surrounded with love by the leader and the members of the group,
who put him at the center of their attention. The aim is to create a family environment.
In a second phase, one or two people already well integrated in the group, who
follow the leader's instructions, dedicate themselves exclusively to him: "Partner System".
Soon the newcomer will begin to imitate the group's behavior and language, to feel
accepted and be part of it.
I am aware, not all of you have been bombed with love ... I have been privileged.
2. Association stimulus response

Ivan Pavlov, a Russian Nobel laureate scientist, managed to demonstrate this
mechanism by conducting experiments on dogs.
He first started feeding some dogs, always preceding the "lunch" by the sound of a
bell, observing how the animals reacted with intense salivation to the sight of food, symbol
of a natural reflex of the dog, functional to digestion and associated with hunger.
After a period of training, Pavlov subjected the dogs to the sound of the bell without
giving them food; the animals reacted with the same salivation, which was a sign of
emotional expectation.
Pavlov thus demonstrated how it is possible to associate emotional states (and the
consequent physical reactions) with external and variable elements.
These reactions are called "conditioned reflexes" and are the basis of the
development of mental conditioning techniques.
Moving from dogs to humans: before receiving the salary (food) the leader makes
you sign the pay check (bell) followed by a bank transfer with which you pay for your
things and hope that there will also be a beer at the kiosks.
After a certain period of study and training, the leader will make you sign the pay
check (bell) and you will begin to "salivate" even if your emotional expectation will be
disappointed because you will realize that your account is crying: they have not credited
your salary!
They will do it, one day, after a few months, they will do it.
3. Learning process
Pavlov's principle is based on an innate mechanism, the learning process, which is
so elementary as to completely escape our attention.
In the study of the learning process Pavlov introduced the importance of
"reinforcement", or positive stimulus, and of "dissuasion", or negative stimulus.
As it is easy to imagine, moving from dogs to men, the procedure and the
consequent reactions change: the greater the complexity of the subject, the wider the field
in which the processes multiply, while remaining the basic mechanism.
The reinforcement (positive) in my case, were small career advancements which did
not correspond to any increase in salary but only responsibility.
A little power, which was taken away from you (dissuasion) if you made some
"mistakes".
4. Groupthink.
The "Groupthink " or "group thinking" has been the subject of many experiments
that have shown how individuals are strongly conditioned by the opinions of the group, in
their perceptions and behaviors.
Solomon Asch, Polish social psychologist, demonstrated its validity in 1956 through
one of his experiments. This consisted in including some subjects in small groups where,
shown three lines of very different length, they were asked to indicate which of the three
corresponded, for example, to one meter.
The other members of the group, accomplices of the experimenter, unanimously
gave an evidently incorrect answer. Well, 33% of the subjects allowed themselves to be
influenced by this response and in turn indicated the clearly wrong length.
If the socially accepted answer, even if incorrect, is that the normality is to wait for
months to collect the salary, a large number of subjects will be influenced by this answer.
5. Financial obligations.
Often sects and cults create an economic dependence on adepts or induce the
donation of properties, both real estate and cash. Let's see what happens in some co-ops.
First phase. It is accepted by all employees to receive late wages, 2 months
becomes 3, 4, sometimes 5 and reaches 6-month peaks.
Those who just can't manage to ask the leader for advances that are weighed as
"personal favors" (economic dependence) for which you are in debt and you must show
gratitude.
Second phase. Employees no longer receive wages and are told that there is no
money, so a new ideology must be embraced. The ideology of financial obligations provides
that employees must give up wages that have not yet been collected, in order to mature
their new status as a worker.
This status costs at least 6 months and is sold as a business opportunity. The new
ideology becomes the object of Group Thinking and those who do not adapt are isolated.
Isolation weakens the victim and makes them more vulnerable to mental attacks.
6. Social control.
Under the name of social control are gathered all those forms of conditioning that a
group puts in place towards the individuals who compose it. It is present as a form of
reinforcement in indoctrination processes.
The person who has not adhered to the new ideology of financial obligations is
deprived of all the positions of responsibility acquired over time with positive
reinforcements; all career advancements collapse in one fell swoop.
He is deprived of the affection of the leader (this has created many problems for me)
and removed from the group that has already joined the new ideology. To avoid
contamination, the victim will work in isolation or in penalizing conditions with other
people who, like him, have not embraced the new ideology (Pacis: the way of the giant
crosses).
Once a month, the victim is placed in a circle of people who have already joined the
new ideology (the meeting).
The group will transmit to him concepts and interpretative models inherent in the
circle, models that he will find himself absorbing by associating them with the sensation of
recognition of a new status.
There are no more competences or meritocracy: if the victim accepts the new
ideology of financial obligations, he can be part of the group of elected representatives, if he
does not accept, he returns to the hell of isolation.
7. Labels.
Another typical mechanism of social control is that analyzed by the "Labelling
Theories".
These develop from the assumption that in a given social context people tend to
become as they are "labelled", according to social class criteria.
Once a given labelling has been started, the individual would be forced to feel, and
therefore to behave and become in all respects, that type of person. It is evident how this
mechanism is adopted by manipulators to modify the subject-victim's perception of self.
Anyone who does not accept the ideology of financial obligations is labelled as an
antagonist. Even if the antagonist has not sold his money for the ideology, he will magically
receive the salary and will be the only person in the whole group to receive the "punctual"
salary. Here a paradox is created. Obviously, this mechanism will only polarize all the
group's hatred towards the antagonist who must also undergo, at the same time, a highly
calculated hierarchical mobbing.
So, the antagonist has no choice but to abandon the fold.
How to defend yourself from mental manipulation -
Personal Growth
There is not only physical violence. There is also the psychological one. Often it is a
real mental manipulation that involves people who, in a particular moment of their life,
take on the role of victims and are unable to react to their attackers. But there are ways to
recognize this type of violence.
And also, those to get rid of it permanently.
Mental manipulation is a modality, used in a subtle and sometimes even
unconscious way, of inducing others to perform actions or say things other than their own
will.
The individual who uses this type of psychological violence (because this is what it
is), aims to satisfy his own needs also at the expense of others.
Barbel Mechler, who has been dealing with victims of psychological manipulation
for over 10 years, explains in her book “Surrounded by Psychopaths”, that these people
actually adopt predictable patterns of behavior.
And once they understand these mechanisms, they can be used against them to get
rid of them permanently.
Manipulating a person is an action that can be carried out even unconsciously.

An example is the case of those people who, without realizing it, push others to take
some actions.
For example, a mother who wants to be helped by her son in household chores
could, if an explicit request did not work, implement a sort of emotional blackmail. That is,
it could send passive-aggressive messages, such as: “If you really loved me, you wouldn't do
that”.
Such sentences may seem harmless but, in reality, they can trigger a sense of guilt in
the other person that will push them to satisfy the request made.
Those who use these techniques of mental manipulation, even if they are not fully
aware of it, want to obtain a position of power in a relationship. As the example described
clearly demonstrates, emotional blackmail of this kind has happened to everyone, at least
sometimes.
And all of us have been manipulated at times and other times manipulators
ourselves.
On the other hand, the actual mind control that some unbalanced individuals can
voluntarily exercise on others, taking advantage of it and enjoying the situation created is
quite another matter.
Voluntary mental manipulation

For some individuals, manipulating people is a practice so inherent in one's being
that it is even part of the personality structure.
These are individuals with psychopathic connotations, not in the psychiatric sense
of the term, but with antisocial predispositions and characterized by a marked narcissism.
The basic characteristic of people who act in this way is the belief that everything is
due to them.
These individuals start from the assumption of “deserving” that others make all the
sacrifices possible for them, and an incredible thing to think for those who are not part of
the category, without even expressing thanks in return.
They do not feel empathetic and often have a contradictory moral sense and do not
understand or share the most common social rules.
Usually, the victims of these people are precisely the most naive and confident, who
are easily excited and who, therefore, will tend to notice too late that they have been “used”
in an opportunistic way.
But what are the ways they use to manipulate people?
The mental manipulator, in his perverse game, usually proceeds by following certain
stages.
1. Calibration.
Initially, the person who wants to take control over the other, begins to study
gestures, movements, positions, mimicry of his victim.
2. Mirroring.
Later, try to reproduce the observed movements and body patterns. In fact, it is
proven that: taking the same position and the same tone of voice of the person we are
talking to creates a relationship of “symmetry” with our interlocutor.
This way of acting immediately establishes in the other person a feeling of “equality”
which leads to trusting those in front of you because you perceive it as similar to yourself.
3. Tracing.
Those who “control”, at this point, will begin to propose new interactions and new
modalities on the basis of what was previously noted. He will then be able to insert
gestures “similar” to those observed which, however, can lead him where he wants to go.
To be sure to create a sort of “engagement” in who is listening to him at that
moment and to be sure of being followed, often, the manipulator first shows his trust.
Normally, he uses phrases that express positive feelings towards those in front of
him and that invite him to feel safe and to let go.
It is as if he said: “If I trust you, you can trust me”. The feeling of reciprocity is thus
triggered, and the relationship is established.
4. Relationship.
In a short time, in this way, a relaxed and relaxed atmosphere is reached where
there is complicity. Through jokes, signs and friendly words, the manipulator ensures the
total trust of the person in front of him. At this point, he will be able to make his requests.
One way often used to get to this final stage is to attest one's trust to the victim by
asking him to perform a particular action that requires maximum reliability.
For example, a shopkeeper who wants to sell something precious, could ask the
customer to keep the precious object in custody for a moment, or to try to use it, proving
that he has no doubts or hesitations towards that person who, immediately after, feeling
that confidence about himself, he will give it just as easily.
Control the mind: is it really possible?
The issue is controversial. It is certainly possible that some individuals with weak
personalities, and inclined to depend psychologically on others, and to delegate their lives
to people who decide for them, easily fall to the mercy of more or less positive charismatic
leaders.
Often the victims want at all costs to belong to a group without which they cannot
feel “adequate” and, in order to do this, adhere to ideas and actions that they do not fully
approve of.
Leaders who manage to plagiarize a person in this way are often legitimized by the
group itself, and it is not easy for those who find themselves in such a situation to get out of
it without the help of someone.
But there are ways to defend yourself from mental manipulation or even prevent
situations like plagiarism.
1. Keep in mind the methods of emulation.

Remember the mirroring techniques and ways to gain the trust of the people
described above. If you practice noticing these patterns of behavior in other people, you
will gradually be able to “watch your back” not only from real manipulators but also from
fake and mean people.
2. Listen to yourself.
Your body always sends signals. The intestine is our second brain, the nerve cells
found in it make it particularly sensitive to the different situations and emotions we
experience.
So, if you “feel” something is wrong, don't “liquidate” your emotion by pretending it
never existed. Pay attention instead and you will find that it really has something to say to
you. If you feel manipulated or the person in front of you does not seem “clear”, move away
immediately. Then you will think about analyzing the situation.
3. Become more aware of your thoughts and mental mechanisms.
Do you know that you can learn to see your thoughts for what they are and not take
them for pure reality to believe blindly? The best way to “train yourself to observe them” is
meditation.
Start like this:
❖ In the morning, as soon as you wake up, instead of catapulting
yourself out of bed or dozing off a little longer, take 5 minutes.
❖ Sit in a comfortable position, even in a chair it's fine.
❖ Set a timer so you don't risk checking the time all the time to know
how much has passed.
❖ Start focusing on your breathing. Feel the cold air entering from the
nostrils and the warm air coming out.
❖ Whenever a thought comes, watch it rise and then disappear from
your mind, like a cloud in the sky.
❖ At the end of the 5 minutes, take the time to “go back to normal life”,
get up slowly, slowly move the ends of the body and enjoy the feeling of having
reconnected with yourself.
Find out how 10 minutes in the morning can improve your day
Gradually, thanks to this exercise, you will realize more and more that your thoughts
tend to be always the same and that you have mechanisms that "direct" you from one side
rather than another.
Knowing yourself better and better, you will understand how you feel and what you
feel not only while you meditate but also in many other circumstances of life, in front of
different people. Meditation moments will be your “gym” for life.
1. Learn to see things from another perspective.
Whether you find yourself immersed in the manipulation situation at that moment,
or that you “relive” it in your subsequent memories, try to imagine that someone else will
come to see the scene. A stranger suddenly appears and watches what is going on. What
could he see?
You will almost certainly notice further details which you had not thought of, and
which will give you useful information on how you were behaving at the time to “get
manipulated”, and how your interlocutor was behaving.
2. Accept to be wrong.
You are not perfect, just like all other humans. If you happen to be manipulated,
don't condemn yourself. It is the worst thing you can do, and it could lead you straight to a
new manipulation. Instead, do not judge yourself negatively, accept what has happened and
try to learn from it. Manipulation, especially in a mild form, is a phenomenon in which each
of us can run into life or, without realizing it, can use against another person. So, if this
happens, get up and continue with your head held high. It is not serious, and above all, it
can happen.
Particular attention deserves the mental manipulation that is exercised by some
types of men towards women. In addition to it, of course, there is also physical violence
which, however, deserves a separate book.
Psychological mental manipulation can actually cause as much (if not more)
physical harm in some particular conditions. But how to recognize psychological violence
against women?
Psychological violence against women manifests itself with various signs, at first
almost insignificant and then, gradually, more and more present in the couple's life.
Psychological violence: tips to recognize and overcome
it
1. The fear of judgment.
When one of the two partners (often it is the woman, but not only) is no longer well
in the couple, she owes it to the fact of “feeling” constantly judged.
One of the 2 members of the couple (the manipulator) adopts the strategies listed
above to make the victim feel at fault and under constant observation.
The fear of judgment is often manifested by those who experience it with a strong
desire to close in on themselves and there is an ever less complicity and desire to dialogue
between the two.
2. The lack of play.
In a situation of psychological violence within the home, there is less and less chance
and desire to have fun and play with your partner. We move further and further away, and
all occasions become too serious and tense. We don't exchange jokes anymore and we no
longer use the playful tone that we used to use before.
3. Search for refuge elsewhere.
The partner “victim” of mental manipulation tries to take refuge in other activities
that can make him forget the couple's situation and otherwise satisfy him.
It is not uncommon for a member of the couple to throw themselves headlong into
work or a hobby to be able to stay away from home and do other things. Unconsciously,
people are already trying to escape the situation.
4. The lies.
To mask reality and what it feels like, both partners start to lie. The one uses lies to
manipulate his partner and the latter, especially in the early stages, to deny those who are
close to them but also to themselves their condition of unhappiness.
5. Anger.
In a mentally manipulated situation, the feeling of anger and frustration grows
considerably.
The people involved shoot for minimal problems even in contexts outside the home.
It is perceived that, although psychological violence maintains a balance (albeit sick), the
relationship is precarious within.
If you recognize any of these signs, don't wait any longer. The situation could
escalate. Instead, look for a way to “detach yourself” from your executioner as soon as
possible.
If it is difficult for you, compare yourself with friends and loved ones outside the
couple. They will be able to give you the help you deserve and that you need.
And, if it seems appropriate, do not be ashamed to seek the help of an expert. It is a

right, and also a duty towards yourself.
Recognizing the manipulative behavior of others is fundamental for our well-being
and for the effects on our self-esteem. If we know how to recognize it, we can draw on
resources to escape manipulation.
But what is manipulative behavior?
It is a behavior that some people in certain contexts assume with others, relying on
their sensitivity and their values, in order to influence their choices without taking into
account their rights, their well-being and their balance.
As you can see, the elements that characterize the manipulative behavior are two:
1. Attempt to influence the choices of others regardless of their well-
being,
2. The attempt is expressed in a "hidden", not explicit way, leveraging
certain sensitivities of others.
For example, it is not manipulative behavior to explicitly declare one's goal and try
to convince someone to support it.
While it is manipulative behavior to hide one's goals, prompting the other person to
behave in a certain way that favors the hidden goal.
Manipulative behavior is therefore potentially very disturbing and dangerous.
To defend yourself from manipulative behavior, you must first recognize it.
1. Detect contradictions or inconsistencies between what the other

says and what they really do.
2. Feeling "forced" or "pressed" to do something or behave in a
certain way without there being obvious elements of objective constraint.
3. Be the object of observations that upset or hurt us.
These signals all depend on a modality that is always present in manipulative
behaviors: the presence of more or less masked criticisms, addressed not to specific
behaviors or opinions, but to others as persons.
This type of criticism is called manipulative criticism and consists of summary
judgments about others as unsuitable, wrong, different, unhealthy, bad, unreliable,
incapable, unlovable people, etc.
One of the most subtle criticisms of manipulators is to attribute to others their own
aims and style. For example, saying "you are a person in total bad faith" can be a way to
hurt the other by attributing exactly your own behaviors.
Other examples of manipulative criticism are: "You are an unreliable person", "You
are not very serious", "Other men (or other women) do not do this ...", "You completely
miss any form of self-love".
Manipulative criticisms, therefore criticisms of the person as such, can also be
subtle.
For example: "I did not expect such behavior from you" is not a criticism of the
behavior but is a subtle criticism of the person. In fact, the manipulator is telling us that his
opinion of us as people is seriously compromised as a result of our behavior.
Once the manipulative behavior has been recognized, we need to run for cover.
The typical errors of response to manipulative behavior consist either in indulging
the manipulator's pressure, or in discussing or arguing about the criticisms that have been
addressed to us.
The best response to manipulative behavior is, instead, an assertive behavior, that is
to say to reaffirm one's opinion clearly without taking into consideration the criticisms of
the person.
Purposeful manipulation and deception are widespread in the animal world and in
human societies. But upstream of the tricks and strategies, it is useful to have clear ideas on
relational processes - biologically predisposed - which can transform a normal relationship
into a highly effective manipulative dynamic.
All this, however, leads to an obvious question: how to defend ourselves from the
manipulative tricks of other subjects?
A distinguished gentleman enters a jewelry store and chooses some awfully
expensive jewelry. With the permission of the owner of the shop, he puts them away in a
case closed by a zipper, because, he explains, he will come back later to buy them, but he
would like to stop them. The customer then delivers the closed case to the shop owner,
asking him to close it in the safe, which is promptly carried out.
The customer leaves. As shown by the recording made by the camera, now studied
in the police schools, the case delivered in the hands of the jeweler, however, is not the one
with the precious, but another, cleverly replaced by the thief-magician.
In this case it would have been enough for the robbed person to check the contents
of the case, but this operation was inhibited by the instinctive urgency of putting the gems
"safe", after having seen them touch and manipulate by the customer.
Furthermore, in the jeweler’s mind, the precious stones had already been "sold":
one more reason to protect them with a supplement of caution. Caution that turned out to
be catastrophic.
This episode is a professional scam.

If in our culture there is a top ten of indefensible concepts, that of manipulation is
very likely to be part of it. Manipulating is usually synonymous with deceiving, entangling,
misleading in view of objectives that often damage the manipulated.
The word itself derives from the medieval pharmaceutical Latin, where “manipulus”
defined the handful of medicinal herbs to be mixed to obtain who knows what poultice. In
reality it is not so true that manipulation must always be ethically unacceptable. In fact, it is
easy to think of situations in which a manipulative strategy is implemented in the interest
of the other or in any case without the deliberate will to harm: in medicine for example, but
also in the relationship between parents and children, in psychotherapy, in marketing and
even in teaching.
Just as it is a fact that there are situations in which a manipulative activity against
someone is put in place for a superior or more general advantage for the benefit of many: in
negotiation, in the economy, in the management of particular emergencies.
Manipulation as a communication phenomenon

In pragmatic terms, manipulation is a subcategory of communication.
If communicating is synonymous with influencing, manipulating is synonymous
with influencing by taking advantage of the "sensitive points" of the manipulating.
Therefore, in order for there to be manipulation, a substantial asymmetry is required in the
relationship between who acts and who is acted. If this is the premise, a clear distinction
must be made between one-many manipulation (such as that of advertising, mass media,
certain religions, group cultures) and one-one, as in the example given at the beginning.
It is quite evident that in mass manipulation, rather than art, it is a question of a mix
of consolidated techniques and power. Here the context is under control and the chances of
counterattack by the manipulated are practically nil. What gives effectiveness to the mass
manipulation strategy is the unchallenged pressure capability regarding contextual
conditions and the passing of information, rather than technical refinement.
Other discourse instead in the one-one interaction. In human relationships,
manipulation strategies are actually very common, and the person implementing them is
usually a psychologically disturbed individual in need of people to be controlled in some
way. It is obvious, however, that these are not the most suitable individuals to become
experts in manipulation.
As an ancient Chinese story says, being masters in something implies being able not
only to do it, but also not to do it. In a context of professional manipulation, however, there
is one of the two participants who deliberately implements techniques and strategies in
view of objectives that the other is not able to suppose. In more detail, if we go to consider
the elements that contribute to configuring a manipulative strategy, we see that they are
more than you usually think.
In addition to the manipulator and the manipulated, there are the respective
objectives and expectations, the target groups and the context. Here it is true that the
manipulator has the advantage of the factors set out above, however the manipulator can
always notice something and react accordingly. Try to control the context, or even - more
simply – do not let yourself be "guided" by the other. That is, do not enter into that state of
trust or psychological-emotional subjection, which is the fundamental prerequisite of any
manipulation sequence. In other words, if it is important to focus on the manipulator's
"tricks", even more, so is the fact that these techniques, can only work from the moment
when he is able to create a particular type of relationship in which he is the guide.
Among the most frequent reports of those who have been manipulated - assuming
that they realize it - there is that of having found themselves in a "particular mental state",
in which his normal critical and rational faculties have not worked as they should have.
This is what is reported by the victims of certain deceptions, by those who have
fallen into a sect, by those who "inexplicably" performed acts that contrasted with his
values and beliefs.
Psychology defines these occurrences as altered states of consciousness. In fact, it
often insinuates that the manipulator has succeeded in its intentions thanks to the use of
hypnotic techniques: is this case really true?
To clarify this point, we can start by stating that by neurological consciousness we
mean a state of vigilance of the mind.
Our ordinary state of consciousness is very complex, in the sense that we are not in
the presence of a group of isolated psychological functions but in a system, or an
interacting, dynamic configuration of psychological components, some of which are
extremely complex (e.g. sexual needs, social adjustment mechanisms etc.).
Let us now examine what happens in hypnosis.
In the first phase, the inductive phase, a first change in the state of consciousness
occurs. On the EEG (Electroencephalogram) we can find an accentuated presence of alpha
waves typical of states of relaxation and detachment from external reality. Subsequently,
with the deepening of the attention inside there is a predominance of the slower theta
waves that characterize the real trance.
Milton Erickson, American psychiatrist, probably the greatest hypnotherapist of the
1900s, is the author of the conception of the unconscious as something that is completely
distinct and separate from the conscious mind and that has creative ability. Jeffrey Zeig,
psychotherapist and his student, has made an inventory of the most common physiological
reactions to the state of hypnosis which are: tendency and economize one's effort in active
and reactive movements, relaxation involving heartbeat, breathing and muscle areas,
tendency to give essential and short answers, decrease in the perception of the external
world.
Psychic changes are given by accentuated attention span and superior imaginative
power; the subject narrows the field of internal perceptions and focuses his attention only
on some elements obtaining clearer and more vivid emotional and mental images
compared to the waking state.
Under these conditions, is it possible that a subject is induced to perform actions
that contrast with his desires and convictions?
Milton Erickson's studies, along with those of many others (Rowland, Lowenfeld,
Shilder, Young, etc.) have amply shown that this does not happen.
It seems that the only risk of hypnosis is relegated to some peculiarities of stage
hypnosis and in particular to back pains of the volunteers who are suspended between two
chairs during the show.
By contrast, the subjects who participated in Erickson's experiments were more
likely to do reprehensible actions when awake than in a modified state of consciousness.
So, if hypnosis has nothing to do with it, what other techniques can be more suitable for
manipulative purposes?
Complementarity and guidance strategies
Scholars such as Gregory Bateson, anthropologist, sociologist and cybernetic
scholar, Humberto Maturana biologist and philosopher and Francisco Varela,
neurobiologist and epistemologist, have proposed that cognition, being the process of
knowledge, should be described in terms of the interactions of an organism with its
environment.
Neuroscience studies have confirmed these intuitions by proposing a systemic mind
structure, with an active role in building a model of reality that can be shared with one's
own kind. It is precisely in this need for sharing - as social beings - that manipulation can
infiltrate.
Already from the first studies of systemic psychology it is evident that every process
of building sense of a human being takes place in relation with other humans following a
pattern that can be symmetrical or complementary. Symmetrical: no one has the power to
tell others what to do, think, act. The roles are interchangeable.
Examples of symmetrical relationships are those between teammates, work
colleagues, husband and wife (although not always, to tell the truth). Complementary: here
there is someone who has the discretion to tell others how they should behave in a certain
area, and the roles are not interchangeable. Typical cases are those of the doctor-patient
relationship, head-collaborator, teacher-student and so on.
Taking the lead of a relationship therefore means being able to create a top / down
complementarity that the other - implicitly or explicitly - ends up accepting, thus effectively
delegating to those who lead the definition of the field of experience in which both are
inserted, with related roles, behaviors and assumptions. If we think of the example given at
the outset, is becoming clear that the successful swindler had previously managed to
accredit himself with the goldsmith as a reliable and wealthy person, to whom it was logical
to do a favor such as that requested.
Hence the most obvious question: through what phases and behaviors is it possible
to ask oneself towards another person, already at the first meeting, as reliable and credible
individuals?
Historically, the first answers to this question did not come from psychology, but
from two apparently very distant areas: the American sales manuals of the 1960s - which
put black and white the most effective tricks to get the order signed of purchase - and
Ethology, the science of animal behavior dynamics that Konrad Lorenz had started to
formulate since the 1930s. In Ethology the study of hierarchies is particularly important.
Individuals are classified as "alpha" if dominant, "beta" if subordinate; "omega" is rarely
used to indicate the last individual of a herd in hierarchical order, the one subordinate to all
the others. The hierarchical abbreviations do not indicate permanent status: each
individual is alpha or beta not in himself, but always with respect to the other in front of
him. And the way roles are defined is based on behavioral patterns of mutual interaction.
Although the American vendors probably ignored Lorenz's work, they had come to
similar conclusions through experience in the field: the excellent seller was thanks to the
ability to take the lead in the sales situation using, rather than verbal language, appropriate
behavioral patterns.
The psychologist Albert Mehrabian in the 70s conducted a series of experiments
that led him to quantify the incidence of non-verbal factors in the effectiveness of
influencing communication: over 90 percent.
Immediately afterwards, to code everything into operational schemes, what often
came to be, even in a not entirely justified way, is considered the model of professional
manipulation par excellence: the NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming. In reality, NLP was
born as a linguistic support for learning and psychotherapy, but its effectiveness and
manageability soon made it available also for less immaculate purposes.
Originally conceived by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, NLP schematizes the
control process in four steps: Calibration - Mirroring and Tracing - Report - Guide. Let's see
them in order. In the calibration phase, those who want to take the lead observe and study
the other's body patterns (gestures, postures, mimicry, use of the voice), and detect what
their cognitive patterns may be. In mirroring, it reproduces the observed body patterns on
itself. In fact, ethology shows that this helps to configure a symmetrical relationship of trust
"we are equal". In the tracing, the manipulator begins to propose new interactions by
inserting them into the cognitive schemes previously detected.
The subliminal message is "I think like you, you can follow me". In this phase, a
typical move of the manipulator is early tracing, that is, showing positive feelings towards
the other who - if offered in a credible way - will produce reciprocity. It was for example
demonstrated, with confidence, manipulating process produces an automatic response of
engagement confirmed even by endocrine system. The rapport phase is marked by the
establishment of a good emotional climate between the two participants: a sort of virtual
empathy where jokes, opinions and non-verbal notes are exchanged. Finally, the
complementary driving relationship (alpha subject vs. beta subject) arrives as a logical
consequence as soon as the person who implemented the sequence advances his proposals.
It can be seen that, in the initial example of the jeweler, all the fraudster's moves
were designed in such a way as to fit perfectly into the victim's cognitive schemes: retain a
respectable customer, secure the sale, guarantee safety, and conclude quickly. There was
also no lack of attestation of trust (Entrust the custody of the other "their" jewels).
Another element to underline is the concomitant action of the "role in the pack":
when a subject has entered an ethological condition of subordination, his normal critical
and rational faculties are automatically clouded, as Stanley Milgram has shown with his
famous experiment, without that there is no need to resort to hypnotic techniques.
Defense strategies against manipulation
After the illusionists and the hypnotists on stage, the new mentalist figure has been
in vogue for some years, which gives a show by combining the skills of the first two with an
excellent knowledge of effective communication. The most famous of these is the British
Derren Brown, a serious professional (also a law graduate) capable of amazing effects, such
as convincing an honest and fearful person to carry out a robbery (pretend without his
knowledge) or to pass off as a bank employee sheets of paper as if they were banknotes. He
too agrees to attribute most of the manipulative effectiveness to the linguistic structures of
NLP.
Indeed, in his opinion, human beings seem to have been expressly designed to be
manipulated, and he provides numerous examples in this regard even outside the
professional context. This is undoubtedly an element to reflect on: in the human and animal
world, deception and manipulation are so widespread and ingeniously elaborated that they
suspect their essential role in the evolutionary process.
If on the one hand, Mother Nature seems to reward the social behaviors of loyalty
and homologation to the group, on the other it seems to do the same with those who are
able to deceive other living beings to their advantage. In all likelihood, we are faced with
classic systemic polarities in apparent competition, where in reality both phenomena have
an important function in limiting escalation mechanisms or ecologically unsustainable
closures. The fact that we accept that manipulation has a role in the world does not,
however, prevent us from humanly wishing that this evolutionary function be exercised
possibly far from us. How can you defend yourself, at least a little? In addition to practicing
in some way with the techniques that someone else might want to subject us, so as, to
eventually notice what is happening, there are four useful tips that anyone can follow:
FOUR TIPS TO DEFEND YOURSELF FROM HANDLING
Get used to listening to your emotional nuances Belly sensations are now fully
legitimized by science, especially since the existence of an extensive neural network was
discovered in the intestinal area, more or less complex, like the brain of a cat. The trouble is
that you are often accustomed to ignoring these signs based on "reason" or "common
sense", with sometimes disastrous results. As advised by Robert Cialdini, psychologist
expert in persuasive techniques: if something gives you the feeling of being manipulated,
take it for granted and go away. You will do the analyzes later.
Develop self-awareness
That is, learning to observe and observe one's thoughts by cultivating what is
psychologically defined as metacognition. Train yourself to act in a different perceptual
position. In situation - or even seeing it in memory - to act "as if" you were a third
character who arrives, looks out and observes the interaction between himself and the
other. This invariably retrieves new useful information.
Get it right
Manipulation is part of life, like colds or unfortunate occasions. Insisting excessively
on wanting to protect yourself, in addition to not offering the total guarantee in any case,
leads over time to a paranoid approach to reality which in turn constitutes an excellent
lever to be manipulated by those who sell security. Much more useful instead to increase
one's resilience, that is, the subjective ability to take sporadic blows without losing
confidence and positivity in facing life.
Persuasion: a very important element of communication, which is achieved with six
different techniques
Persuasion is an enormously powerful weapon, and, in several respects, it presents
itself daily in our lives, exerting a profound influence. It manifests itself when we make
choices that vary from shampoo to use to what to eat. How come those brands are chosen
and not others?
Probably, because they were seen on TV, or suggested by someone important to us,
or everyone buys them, etc. Persuasion, therefore, or the art of communication, the ancient
Greeks defined it, is widely used by the mass media, newspapers and television, to modify
the ideas and behaviors of others.
Persuasion: what is it?
Persuasion is an action aimed at influencing or conditioning others to achieve their
goals or objectives. These are very effective and convincing mechanisms or methods that
induce the interlocutor to totally embrace the point of view of the person who is speaking.
It is a symbolic process in which the communicator tries to convince other people to
change their attitudes or behaviors, through the transmission of a message. In fact,
however, conditional messages change emotions, ideas, behavior and are mainly used to
change opinion. The interlocutors are convinced to act autonomously, but in reality, they
are influenced to move in that way by external factors.
Persuasion can be explicit, if made by an intrusive seller or a particularly captivating
or more subtle, subtle commercial ad, when it is carried out quietly or subliminally.
Robert Cialdini is a psychologist and researcher at the University of Arizona, who

achieved international fame after publishing his book “The science of persuasion”. This
book is an exhaustive collection of studies, tests, experiments and theories which explain
the mechanisms by which we end up saying yes.
Cialdini has identified 6 categories which include the main persuasion techniques:
1. Reciprocity.
It occurs when one gives something to someone, and the other feels compelled
to reciprocate in some way what he has received. This rule of reciprocating something
received is a rule that if not respected, will face social sanctions and end up labelling a
person as "ungrateful" or "parasite". For example, if a free sample or gift of something
is offered and you don't accept it, you end up being designated as fools for not
accepting it. For Cialdini, exchanging leads to stimulating fair acceptance, imposes
debts that have not been requested and could lead to unfair exchanges.
2. Commitment and consistency.
Those who are not consistent over time in maintaining a certain goal risk being
labelled as unreliable or superficial.
For this reason, having a coherent image has a "reassuring" function towards
the viewer, because it does not force the other to carry out a new evaluation that
would lead to important emotional repercussions. For example, a change of image of a
brand causes a state of confusion and accustomed to novelty
3. Social proof.
It consists in the tendency to consider an action adequate when it is carried out
by many people. For this reason, to receive consents, even from authoritative people,
to lead to greater visibility and trust from the public.
For example, in situations of uncertainty, there is a tendency to look and see
what others are doing and then make a choice, which will go in the direction dictated
by the greater assents received.
4. The sympathy.
Often it occurs at the moment when to sell a product we refer to a person
familiar or known to make the product more attractive or interesting. For example, in
some cases the "chain" method is used with which each person interested in the
product is invited to give the name of friends and acquaintances who are also
interested in the purchase.
There are also some factors capable of producing a reaction of sympathy, such
as beauty, goodness, resemblance to someone, the same clothes worn, etc. In this case,
knowing that a person is “similar” to us, facilitates the choice.
5. The authority.
The claims made by authoritative people are highly persuasive. There is a
natural and deep-rooted sense of deference to authority which translates into the
subject's inability to counter the order of the "boss".
Being used to obedience is taught to us from birth and allows for the
stratification of society. Therefore, having acknowledged the authority of authority,
actions are carried out without questioning them, although some behaviors may not be
adequate for the purpose.
6. Scarcity.
Or indeed the tendency to underestimate what is abundant, and to
overestimate what is scarce. Therefore, there is a tendency to optimize the availability
of resources of a given asset, if the availability of the asset is presented as limited in
time or poor in terms of quantity. For example, computer with limited calibration and
below cost, it immediately leads to the purchase of the product since it becomes an
opportunity not to be missed.
Persuasion was defined by the great philosopher Aristotle as the art of inducing
people to perform actions that they would normally not do if we did not ask them.
As I said in the previous chapters, the ability to persuade is of considerable
importance in daily life, both in the personal sphere and in the professional sphere, often
determining the success of our initiatives.
Who among us does not know at least one person with great persuasive spirit?
Persuasive subjects are those who are able to win the consent of others in any
circumstance, gaining their total approval and convincing them to act in a certain way.
A question spontaneously arises: are you born or made persuasive? Both options
are correct. This dowry can be innate or learned through specific training courses.
Almost every day we feel the need to convince those around us to accept our point
of view without hesitation or to welcome a request from us. We started to experiment in
this activity since we were children, refining the most effective techniques "by hand", and
still today we try to orient the judgment of others in our favor, although aware of the
growing difficulties.
The long experience in the business world has made me understand that persuasion
can bring enormous benefits on a communicative level: it is a sort of magic formula that
helps us manage interpersonal relationships, positively influencing the opinions, attitudes
and actions of others.
Below you will find 5 secrets that will allow you to attract, fascinate and convince
your interlocutors in a truly effective way. Let's see them together!
1. USE THE EXPLOSIVE EMPATHY + SINCERITY MIX
EMPATHY + ASSERTIVITY = PERSUASION, do you know this winning equation?
The famous Aristotelian pathos theorized more than 2000 years ago, and known in
the modern name of empathy, today represents a crucial factor in social relations. Being
empathetic means putting yourself on the same level as the interlocutor in order to
understand how he sees and experiences a given situation, or more generally, the world
around him.
To exercise empathy, you need to listen with your heart as well as with your mind,
learn to read the emotions of others, put yourself in their shoes.
Some people are naturally inclined to feel empathy and therefore able to use it
effectively; they predict how others will behave in a certain circumstance by placing
themselves on their wavelength, and consequently they know how to express themselves.
When there is empathy, a spontaneous feeling of trust will inevitably make its way.
The ability to transmit trust is a factor not to be underestimated for its great
importance on a psychological level.
Whoever proves truly sincere, showing that he has the problems of his neighbor at
heart, gives a different tone to the conversation, stimulates the receptivity of the
interlocutor and induces him to open up.
That's why the mix of empathy and sincerity will help you develop your persuasive
communication in the best way.
2. LISTEN CAREFULLY TO THOSE WHO SURROUND YOU
"The good listener is a sort of magnet that magically calls others to himself."
We generally prefer to speak rather than listen, convinced that the people
predisposed to listening are those who have nothing interesting to say. Wrong observation!
Think of a friend who pays no attention to what you say. It's really frustrating, isn't it?
Active listening is one of the most important aspects of communication: effective
persuasion arises precisely from the ability to listen, which obviously does not mean
remaining silent while others speak. Active listening generates good private and working
relationships, improving them over time, helps us understand the thoughts and emotions of
our interlocutors, and keeps mutual attention high.
Active listening is a very complex task that requires concentration and training, but
at the same time it is a necessary condition for learning. Furthermore, active listening is a
confirmation gesture that increases the self-esteem of the speaker; the lack of listening, on
the other hand, generates the opposite effect.
What can you do to show your interlocutor that you are really listening to him?
Here are some tips:
❖ Do not interrupt it;
❖ Do not complete his sentences;
❖ Do not offer too hasty advice;
❖ Take action at the most appropriate time.
3. KEEP THE ATTITUDE OF YOUR INTERLOCUTOR HIGH
Attention can only be gained when there is interest.
If you want your message to be heard, you need to arouse enough interest in people
to keep your attention alive. Obtaining a constant level of interest is very difficult for one
simple reason: several studies have shown that the time frame in which we manage to stay
focused on a certain topic is quite limited.
How can you move to encourage others to listen to you? What can you do to keep
your interlocutor's attention awake? You have to make sure they are interested in what
you're saying, to prevent boredom from taking over.
If you have to make a request or give a speech it is essential that you manage to get
your message understood on the first attempt. The preliminary phase, in fact, lays the
foundations for the good or bad outcome of the communication.
When you notice that your interlocutor's attention has dropped, try to find out the
reason. Is your speech boring? Did you miss something important? Did you use too
sectorial and therefore incomprehensible language?
Here are some good moves that I tested first in the field:
❖ Start the discussion with a particular anecdote;
❖ Ask provocative questions;
❖ Propose a brainstorming session;
❖ Tell us about your personal experiences;
❖ Give concrete examples;
❖ Help yourself by showing pictures.
4. PAY ATTENTION TO BODY LANGUAGE

Make your body express the right message.
Why is non-verbal communication so important? The interactions between human
beings do not occur exclusively through speech and listening. Even when we speak and
listen, we express feelings and emotions through body language, taking postures and
making gestures that convey a strong meaning. To communicate persuasively and give the
right strength to your speech, it is important to learn to read these signals.
Non-verbal behavior determines in a decisive way the impression we have of others
and what they have of us.
All experts in the sector agree that the interpretation of human attitudes is based
primarily on visual factors, followed by vocal factors and only the content of the messages.
If the interlocutor finds consistency between your facial expressions and the words
you pronounce, he will be led to feel a greater feeling of trust towards you, allowing himself
to be influenced more easily.
If, on the other hand, your expressions contradict your words, it will tend to close
and move away from you.
What are the negative signs of body language to avoid?

Don't cross your arms and don't cross your legs when you're sitting, because it will
seem that you want to be defensive.
Smile to the people you talk to, because a positive gesture will help you achieve
equally positive results.
Maintain direct eye contact with your partner, because you will show interest and
attention.
5. EXPLOIT THE POWER OF WORDS

Success can depend on the right words spoken at the right time.
Do you know the power that words have in everyday interactions? Are you aware
that some are effective and some less effective? Putting the right words together is a subtle
art that is often overlooked or neglected.
The construction of the speech and the terms used have a direct effect on the
outcome of the communication process and determine its success or failure.
Psycholinguistics studies precisely the effects that words produce on the human mind and
emotions.
Imagine that you want to communicate something to your hypothetical
interlocutor: you have an image in mind that you have to translate into words. As an issuer,
you send the message to the recipient, who translates the words into an image again, to
which he attributes a personal meaning that may not be the same as yours. If the mental
image that your interlocutor has built is different from yours, the communication process
will be ineffective. This feedback will therefore help you understand how to intervene to
improve the content of the message.
My advice is to adopt an open communication style: it promotes comparison, as it
does not lay rigid rules and allows you to be more flexible. Open communication will
encourage others to adopt the same point of view.
Conclusions
Persuasive communication is the main ingredient of personal and professional
success, an expressive modality that blends assertiveness and empathy together.
Knowing how to communicate persuasively means winning the attention, interest
and trust of the people in front of us.
Persuasion, studied by social psychology in the context of "attitude studies", is
defined as follows:
Persuasion is the power to modify attitudes or behaviors through information.
Persuasion is therefore a communicative process that uses both rational arguments
and emotional stimuli to modify the recipient's attitude towards the message.
In the field of social psychology, persuasion intersects with other thematic areas.
Where does persuasion work?
❖ Persuasion occurs in an area in which both functional aspects
(communication), intentional aspects (social influence) and dynamic aspects
(attitudes) act.
❖ Persuasion is a communicative process that uses both rational
arguments and emotional stimuli to change the recipient's attitude towards the
message.
The key point
❖ Persuasion is a communicative process that uses both rational
arguments and emotional stimuli to modify the recipient's attitude towards the
message. In the Internet age, this process subjects the human being to increased
solicitations due to the multiplication of the means and methods of communication
(social media, IoT devices, augmented reality, virtual reality, etc.).
With the digital information allowed by the Internet, every individual can become
an author, in fact authoritativeness is no longer a pre-requisite to publish something and
costs are no longer an obstacle.
❖ The prevailing way in which users read newspapers, watch news
programs or view web pages tends to avoid cognitive efforts and relies on heuristic
evaluations, that is, intuition-based mental shortcuts.
❖ The heuristic evaluation method is often affected by distortions of
judgment (cognitive bias) of which the user is unaware.
What messages are we most likely to pay attention to? The ELM model foresees that
these are messages that are very personal.
Two types of people: two types of personalities
Psychological research has shown that there are stable individual differences in
coping with mental efforts. There are two types of people: those who have a strong
reluctance to engage in intellectually difficult tasks, and those who derive pleasure from
them. Empirical research has shown that individuals with high NFC (Need for Cognition)
are more resistant to persuasive attempts by the media, advertising and the people they
frequent. There are two types of people: those who have a strong reluctance to engage in
intellectually difficult tasks, and those who derive pleasure from them. Individuals who
derive pleasure from cognitive endeavors resist the persuasive attempts of the media,
advertising and the people they frequent more
How to build a persuasive message
The persuasive message construction combines several factors:
❖ Mere exposure: that is, the repetition of the exposure to the message. It is
known from the experiments of the psychologist Robert Zajonc that repeated
exposure to an image increases the unconscious attraction towards it.
❖ Organization of the message: in order to be persuasive, the organization of
the message must favor the learning of a content, in fact an opinion persists until the
individual experiences a new learning. Otherwise the previous content remains.
❖ Explanation of the conclusion: the conclusion of the message must be
explicit. It is true that an explicit conclusion is less effective when the recipients are
more intelligent, but implicit conclusions may not be grasped by less intelligent
recipients or less willing to make cognitive efforts (for example with low " need for
cognition ").
❖ Unilateral or bilateral arguments: from experiments conducted by the
psychologist Carl Hovland, it emerged that the presentation of a unilateral thesis is
more effective towards subjects with a low school level, while subjects with a higher
degree of culture are more persuaded by the presentation of alternative theses.
❖ Order of presentation of content: content retention is influenced by
memory, so the most important content must be placed at the beginning of the
message because the individual forms a pattern that acts as a filter with respect to
subsequent arguments ( primacy effect ), while the arguments put at the end of the
message are influenced by the working memory and are remembered more easily if
you access (or make decisions) immediately after exposure to the message (recency
effect).
❖ Vibrance of the message: the vividness of an information visual
representations involving emotional factors. It is defined by psychologists Richard
Nisbett and Lee Ross, in terms of concreteness, ability to affect emotionally, to
provoke images and to be perceived close in a spatial, temporal or sensory sense. A
vivid message, compared to a pale one, is characterized by providing concrete
references and a colorful and direct language.
The credibility that nobody thinks about but that everyone unconsciously
builds
In addition to persuasion, there are two other factors that influence the
communication process: influence and manipulation. Usually people think of influence as
the prevalent factor in communication, as those who credit the recent phenomenon of
"social influencers" with superior marketing effectiveness in social media say). But the
factor that increasingly conditions communication (commercial, political, social, etc.) is
undoubtedly manipulation (media).
Persuasion, Influence and Manipulation (often interlaced) make use of the
construction of Credibility to produce their effects, as shown in the following conceptual
map. Persuasion, Influence and Manipulation (often interlaced) use the construction of
Credibility to produce their effects
The persuasion of social influencers
Social influencers are individuals who direct their fans to purchase certain products
through their action on social media. Somehow, they have acquired a certain personal
credibility and use it to persuade those who follow them on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter,
etc. This phenomenon hides the growth, especially in the world of adolescents, of the
phenomenon of solitude and voluntary isolation from the real world.
Social influencers are individuals who have acquired some credibility and use it to
direct their fans towards the purchase of certain products through their action on social
media.
Before the advent of the Internet, traditional information was based on the
recognized authoritativeness of the sources, although this requirement did not guarantee
the reliability of the contents. In the Internet Age, digital information is no longer based on
the authority of sources (or in any case much less), but on their independence. This is an
advantage for freedom of thought, but it can become a risk for the quality of information.
The information conveyed by technology gave rise in the 1990s to a new branch of
study, called captology, which deals with persuasion through computers, the internet and
all new ways of communicating on the Web (Websites, Blogs, Social Media, etc.). The
captology, created by psychologist BJ Fogg, teaches how to design the new means of
communication so that they are persuasive and credible. For example, the continuous
proposition of the "like" button persuades us to make judgments which are then used by
the media to direct our subsequent research and related targeted commercial offers.
INSISTENCE: do not yield to the continuous requests of the software. Software does
not suffer from waste!
ANONYMITY: digital anonymity is an illusion. In the event of illegal online
activities, law enforcement agencies always manage to identify those responsible (also on
the deep web). In the case of normal social network activities, those who use nicknames are
only taking advantage of the Net to organize their own self, similarly to what each of us
does in the real social environment, that is, wearing a mask for each environment.
MODALITIES: audio, video, simulations are certainly effective and persuasive, but
it is necessary to maintain the critical ability to evaluate their actual content value.
Internet of Things: it will be difficult to escape the persuasiveness of devices on
which our health and safety depends: only a critical ever vigilant spirit can control their
solicitations.
Credibility theories
Over the past two decades, many online credibility studies have been done at US
universities. The models behind these studies are those of the "persuasive communication".
Persuasion presupposes a "change of attitude" by the individual who receives the
persuasive messages.
Communication with good and complex subjects exerts a greater impact on
recipients with strong cognitive ability (vs. poor cognitive ability), while simple
communication produces a greater impact on recipients with poor cognitive ability (vs.
strong).
Captology: how digital devices are programmed to persuade us
The captology, in the intentions of its founder, the psychologist BJ Fogg, is defined:
“The captology investigates the way in which people are motivated or persuaded
interaction with, rather than through the computer”
Therefore, captology deals with the human-computer interrelation and not with the
linguistic communication implemented through the computer. Its purpose is to analyze
how the interaction with a computer changes the behavior of its user. The captology offers
"advantages over human persuaders" in urging certain user responses; they, according to
Fogg, are the following:
· Computer (software, website, apps, etc.) are much more insistent
than people: for example, many of you will have downloaded the trial version of a
software and have undergone subsequent repeated requests for registration. The
software is designed to insist, relying on the fact that people, sooner or later, give
in. Instead, machines should not be imagined as if they were people: machines are
not bad for us when faced with refusal.
· Computer (software, website, apps, etc.) offer greater anonymity:
anonymity allows you to overcome the social inhibitions that force people within
the cage of their habits. Anonymity can help people change for the better.
· Computers (software, website, apps, etc.) manage a considerable
volume of data: the ability of computers to manage massive amounts of data and
perform special statistical analyzes on them makes them more persuasive than
people.
· Computers (software, website, apps, etc.) use various influencing
strategies: can offer several ways of presenting information that make them more
effective than people, for example audio, video, simulations, hyperlinks, etc.
· Computers (software, website, apps, etc.) can be easily scalable: even
when a human being is a good persuader it is difficult to make sure that his ability
is exploited on a large scale, while computers can do it. For example, the election
of Trump, who as a person has a high persuasive ability, was made possible by the
diffusion of his messages through Twitter and by the choice of targets
implemented by Big Data.
· Computers (software, website, apps, etc.) arrive where men do not
arrive. Computer systems can be found in places where people do not arrive. For
example, the Internet of Things is greatly increasing the presence of devices with
persuasive functions around us. From smartphones to smart cars, from smart
houses to smart cities we will be increasingly surrounded by "intelligent objects"
that will try to direct our behaviors for various purposes: to promote our health
(walking pedometers, activity trackers, etc. ), to promote our safety (automotive
sensors ), improve our education (online courses), ruin us economically
(electronic lotteries, etc.).
All these devices, and the others to come, will be made more persuasive by
augmented and virtual reality technologies.
From smartphones to smart cars, from smart houses to smart cities we will be
increasingly surrounded by "intelligent objects" that will try to direct our behavior
Two different mental paths for those who are informed on the Web or use social
media
Persuasion presupposes a "change of attitude" by the individual who receives the
persuasive messages.
Since we live in an environment full of persuasive reminders of all kinds, each of us
easily understands that we cannot think deeply about every persuasive message we
encounter. Mostly the opposite tendency occurs, namely that of not paying attention to
most messages. So what messages are we most likely to pay attention to? The ELM expects
these to be messages that are of very personal importance. In fact, when the recipient
believes that the message is personally relevant it will be motivated to a careful reflection
on its contents. In addition to being motivated, however, the individual must be able to
process the message. When the authors speak of cognitive ability, they refer not only to
relatively stable ability to understand (for example, the degree of intelligence), but also to
contingent conditions that affect the cognitive effort that people are able to produce at that
particular moment, as well as the degree of comprehensibility of the message itself.
In particular, the ELM model of Cacioppo and Petty foresees that, when a person
carries out an evaluation, he follows two alternative routes: a peripheral or heuristic route
and a central or systematic route. The prevalent way in which users view web pages tends
to avoid cognitive efforts (the so-called cognitive load) and relies on heuristic evaluations.
As you can see in the figure, a user can find himself surfing the web (exposure phase)
without a specific purpose (i.e. without motivation), but then stumbling across a hyperlink
(or in other ways) in web pages that awaken his interest. Therefore, he may suddenly have
to evaluate the credibility of what he has encountered (evaluation phase). This model
theorizes that, if you have both a strong motivation and a strong competence, you will
engage in a thorough and systematic evaluation effort, otherwise the assessment of
credibility will be superficial, it will take into consideration above all the attractiveness of
the message rather than the its quality and will be heuristic in nature.
According to the ELM model, when a recipient is motivated and capable of
processing the information content of a communication, any change in attitude is the result
of the central processing path. On the contrary, when he is not motivated or unable to
allocate a certain cognitive effort to the topic in question, any changes in attitude are the
result of a peripheral path.
Persuasion: the ELM (Elaboration Likelihood Model)
Bimodal evaluation process
The ELM model applied to the credibility assessment of websites.
Since we live in an environment full of persuasive reminders of all kinds, each of us
easily understands that we cannot think deeply about every persuasive message we
encounter. Mostly the opposite tendency occurs, namely that of not paying attention to
most messages. So what messages are we most likely to pay attention to?
Conclusions (provisional): individuals with high NFC (Need for Cognition) are more
resistant to persuasive attempts by the media, advertising and people who frequent
Persuasion is a communicative process that uses both rational arguments and
emotional stimuli to modify the recipient's attitude towards the message. In addition to
persuasion, there are two other factors that influence the communication process:
influence and manipulation. Psychological research suggests that "individual" stable
differences exist in coping with mental efforts. There are two types of people: those who
have a strong reluctance to engage in intellectually difficult tasks, and those who derive
pleasure from them. Empirical research has shown that individuals with high NFC (Need
for Cognition) are more resistant to persuasive attempts by the media, advertising and the
people they frequent. From smartphones to smart cars, from smart houses to smart cities
we will be increasingly surrounded by "intelligent objects" that will try to direct our
behavior for various purposes. Since we live in an environment full of persuasive
reminders of all kinds, each of us easily understands that we cannot think deeply about
every persuasive message we encounter. Mostly the opposite tendency occurs, namely that
of not paying attention to most messages. So what messages are we most likely to pay
attention to? This seems to depend on our cognitive predisposition.
Rationality requires personal commitment!
How do scammers manipulate our minds? This is the main topic dedicated to the
"Nine human weaknesses" that persuaders can use to "intort" and make us act "stupid" for
their shady purposes.
After talking to you about DTR and how easy it is to "use persuasion", I decided to
go deeper into this topic. These tips will allow you to defend yourself from "psycho-scams"
if you know them …
Because today, they are increasingly frequent, in fact I would say that today they are
the majority of the deceptions to which we can go against. With all the information we have
available today it is possible to make millions of people believe that playing scratch cards is
an investment!
It is these daily scams that interest me and to which I think most of us are
unprepared. Because precise knowledge tools are needed to do this. We need something
that the school no longer gives us, that critical sense that we have talked about several
times.
Today we buy the snacks and we believe it is the cocoa in, but then re-reading well
written at home we see that are "flavored" and do not contain any trace of that substance.
I know it may seem trivial to many, but you have no idea how many people fall for
these language tricks. But these same weaknesses can be used even worse, to stir up
peoples against each other or to manipulate our political choices.
In short, we are immersed in a war of mental manipulation, and as I said in the ANL,
even if I do not like the war metaphors in this case, they make a lot of the idea ... so as
always call to talk and see together these "human weaknesses":
1) Lack of certainties: some time ago I told you about how human beings
cannot help but give meaning to everything. And when this is missing, they build
it around, relying on the few clues present. We suffer when we are in an
ambiguous situation, for this reason we cling to the first available meaning, even
if it could be counterproductive. The case of the DTR exploits this very void.
Likewise, much of human suffering stems from this ongoing attempt to signify
reality.
When he felt uncertain, ask questions in order to clarify what is happening ... and
always keep in mind your starting objectives. The confusion and lack of meaning is the base
of most of the techniques of persuasion.
2) Everything is simple: the second weakness is the tendency to believe
that reality is simple and of only one type. There is only one god there are only
two ways of behaving, good and bad etc. The division of the world into sub-parts
is the famous divide and rule.
All the bad guys in history have used this trick, pointing the finger at someone and
waging centenary wars. This concept includes all panacea, the search for medicine that
cures all ills or absolute technique etc.
3) Need for control would you have fully described in a recent successful
ANL, think about having control over themselves and others is a mistake that
can have serious effects. Despite this, man naturally tends to control his
environment, and this can be a weak point.
As in the advertisements of some courses that say things like ... you get full control
of your thoughts and emotions ... obviously nonsense they sell ... because they give the
illusion of control, which is something that scammers leave to you, when you decide
everything, raise the antennas, usually when they offer you something in the contract, you
are two.
This need for control restrains us and makes us make bad decisions, and this is what
scam wizards know.
4) Search for pleasant and immediate sensations: This leads us to do a lot
of stupid things, from taking drugs and alcohol to believing that a simple
visualization where we feel good allows us to get out of our mind setting. You
know how I think about this model of NLP, making people feel good is not
enough to change them, sometimes yes, but only in rare cases. There are many
things that give us good feelings but that can ruin our lives, such as gambling,
compulsive sex, and any other excess of something that we like, but that in the
long run can hurt us like being all day on Facebook or something. In short, as the
saying goes "too much stinks".
5) Material goods as a certain source of income: it is something remarkably
like the second point, where you can get to believe that playing a scratch card a
day is a worthwhile investment. We all know that with the promise of easy
immediate earnings, people have lost huge capital. Perhaps this principle could
simply be renamed as "human greed".
6) Love: everyone has the desire to feel loved and to love in turn. This is
perhaps one of the biggest weaknesses and at the same time a strength. But
those who cheat us know how important this variable is, even better those who
found sects and clubs like that know it. Also taking advantage of the principle of
belonging.
7) Being protagonists: being in the center of attention is something that
many people like. A characteristic of the ego that you have been able to use for
years, if you have had some relationship in your life and you have had to
engineer to get it, you certainly had to make the other person feel important and
most likely the other person made you feel very important. This sense of
importance is a bit of an egoic drug. Today, to end up in a newspaper, some
people commit heinous murders, and other stupid things
8) Being positively valued: if we have the qualities, we like it when they
point it out to us. Even when these are completely unknown, such as the famous
deception of some aromatherapists who, after they tell you that you have a
particular energy and that if you do not download it you will feel bad, so you
have to do a lot of courses to control it .
All self-styled psychics know this cold reading technique, where the subject is
flattered, exalting and first the intellectual qualities and then the intuitive ones, "I see that
she has a power that she does not fully use ... she does not fully exploit her potential" ... and
who does not it does? Beware of free compliments, especially if aimed at some unknown
skills ... such as intuition and creativity.
9) The model of the world: if someone knows us and through a series of
questions, they can understand your model of the world, in practice as you
think, this could exploit it at will. Like the salesman who noticing the colors of
your favorite team in your car, tells you that he is also a fan.
Fraudsters know that the biggest mistake they can make is to go against others'
beliefs. We like them to tell us things that we already think of, so we can say, mm look this
is like me, and at that moment they can manipulate you. It is a kind of tracing guide, first
they trace you to make you lower your defenses and then they guide you, in one way or
another to do something. So, if someone makes too much of a big friend and "sounds
strange", stop for a second, it could be a scam that is based on this "human weakness".
If you know NLP, have fun making it crazy with different changes of voice, posture
and even conviction, like: "Well I also think that those on the left do not understand a bat",
"Well look that maybe he misunderstood, I am of left". Here with such a game you can not
only understand if you are in front of someone who does NOT want to give you, but you can
also understand that there is a reason why he wants to avoid going against your "model of
the world".
Here Rampin made a detailed analysis of those weaknesses that are most often
leveraged. And these aspects in turn leverage negative emotions: shame, fear, guilt, etc. But
it is not said that they are only negative emotions, as many thinks. It is useless to tell you
that one of the tools that can save us from scams is to know well the language and in
general human communication.
Persuasion: four ways to never make you say no

"Not brute force, but persuasion and faith are the true queens of this world." -
Thomas Carlyle.
Whether it's to seduce a woman, to convince your professor that you deserve a 30
and praise for your university exam or to be able to conclude a sale with a tough customer,
persuasion is a fundamental tool, which you should always keep handy in your toolbox.
I immediately want to clear the field of doubts: I am not interested, and I despise the
petty techniques often used by companies and advertisers to sell us products or services of
little value; this is not persuasion; it is beautiful and good scam.
In my view, persuasion is the ability to convince our interlocutors of the real value
of our ideas, our positions and our work.
In short, persuading is not convincing who is in front of you what is false, but rather
making it clear and evident what is true:
· You may have studied months for your exam and memorized every
page of the book, but at the same time, you cannot convince the professor
about your real preparation.
· You may have in mind the brightest idea of this planet for your
work, yet you may not be able to present it in the correct way to your
colleagues or leaders.
· You can have a product or service that can truly revolutionize the
life of your customers, and at the same time not be able to sell it because you
are not able to transmit its real value.
Here, in all these cases, learning effective persuasion techniques can be useful to
achieve the results you deserve.
In this chapter I will tell you about 4 techniques that have proved particularly useful
for me, in the study, at work and beyond.
Technique 1: Why not?

I have told you before about the power of questions. A question can make you rich, a
question can give you back your lost motivation, a question can help you turn a "No" into a
"Yes".
A study has shown that asking the simple question "Why not?" Has a high success
rate in transforming a dry waste into a more accommodating "Yes".
The goal of the "Why not?" it is in fact to transform a definitive answer ("No") into a
simple obstacle to overcome. Ask the question "Why not?" it forces the interlocutor to have
to provide, more or less logical, objections which we can handle much more simply than
direct refusal.
Furthermore, the weaker the objections, the more a cognitive dissonance is created
in the mind of our interlocutor, who in the desperate search for coherence will end up
meeting us. In short: if there is no valid reason not to do something, why not do it?!
Technique 2: Bring it to your face!
The door technique ... in the face! When we want to obtain a certain result from our
interlocutor, we should make a request that we ourselves consider too high and not very
reasonable: this request will undoubtedly be followed by a metaphorical door in the face,
or a refusal; at this point we should immediately follow the real request that we had in
mind: compared with the first, in fact, the new request will appear more modest and
reasonable.
This technique bases its effectiveness on the natural tendency of our mind to make
comparisons. If we provide the right comparison, no request will appear excessive.
Don't you feel like asking your boss for a disproportionate salary increase?! Then
use the door-to-face technique on yourself when setting a goal:
"Aim for the moon, badly you go you will find yourself among the stars."
Technique 3: One foot in the door

The third persuasion technique we are talking about and which always takes
inspiration from our "nice" door-to-door salesmen, is the "foot in the door" technique.
Unlike the "door to face" technique, the goal of this third technique is to make a request so
trivial and obvious that it is able to snatch a first, but very important "Yes" from our
interlocutor.
I am sure you have seen this technique applied dozens of times: have you ever met
those guys on the street who ask you if you have ever read a book?! Or to answer yet
another call from a call center operator asking if you use the phone?! The goal of these
idiotic questions is precisely to snatch a "Yes" from us: it has in fact been shown that people
who accept a first small request tend to accept even more demanding subsequent requests.
In my experience I have seen this technique often misused and abused: but do you
want to put the fun of neutralizing these babies with their own weapons?! The next time
they ask you if you've ever read a book, ask them if they've ever seen a movie!
Technique 4: Give me a damn motivation!

Sometimes to convince someone all we have to provide is motivation. However
weak or trivial our motivation may seem, providing it greatly increases our chances of
success.
An example? In a 1978 study by Langer, the freshmen enrolled by the Professor had
to ask a simple question to their colleagues (unaware) in the copy shop; here is the
question used: "I need to use the copier before you, because I have to make photocopies”.
Although the motivation was weak, surprisingly the students who used this question
obtained a "Yes" in 90% of cases (in the other 10% of cases they had met Chuck Norris).
Reading other people's body language is a complicated affair.
For example, if someone crosses their arms, you may assume they are giving a close
signal when they may simply be cold.
Having said that, when you try to understand what a person is really thinking it
helps to know which gestures and facial expressions one must try to identify.
Because sometimes, a person's non-verbal manifestations don't perfectly match
what he's saying in words.
Below we have put together 19 tips, the result of scientific studies, on the meaning
of body language, taken from Psychology Today, published research, and some fantastic
books.
➢ Shrug is a universal sign of someone who doesn't know what's going on.
According to Barbara and Allan Pease, authors of “Why do we lie with our eyes and
feel ashamed with our feet? Body language: the definitive book on non-verbal
communication", everyone shrugs. "It is a good example of a universal gesture that is used
to show that a person does not know or understand what is being said," they write.
"It's a multiple gesture made up of three main parts," they continue. "Palms of the
hands exposed to show that nothing has been hidden in the hands, shrug to protect the
throat from an attack and raised eyebrows which is a universal submissive greeting."
Job interview; keep an eye on your body language. Here is what it reveals.
A famous study conducted in 1972 by Albert Mehrabian has shown how, in a normal
conversation, the verbal aspect has a minimum value (7%) in making an effective message.
On the other hand, facial expressions, body movements and tone of voice are the masters.
Of course, this also applies to job interviews. Indeed, even more so in job interviews, given
that in about 30 minutes the candidates' preparation and quality are assessed.
That's why body language is so important and it's important to know its meanings.
From the handshake to the gestures (examined by Travis Bradberry in Emotional
Intelligence 2.0) to the tone of voice (according to what reported in the study “The sound of
intellect : speech reveals a thoughtful minds, increasing a job candidate's appeal”) up to eye
contact (with the survey published by researchers from Imperial College London in the
journal Royal Society Open Science).
➢ Open palms are an ancient manifestation of honesty.
When someone promises to tell the truth in a courtroom, he puts one hand on a
religious text and raises the other hand in the air, showing the palm of anyone who is
taking the oath.
This is because, always in the history of the West, an open palm is associated with
"truth, honesty, loyalty and submission".
"Just like a dog will expose his throat to show submission or surrender to the
winner," they write, "humans use their palms to show that they are unarmed and therefore
not a threat."
➢ The lack of wrinkles around the eyes suggests a potentially fake
smile.
It is not yet clear whether one can really understand if someone is pretending to
make that smile that scientists call the "Duchenne smile" (from the name of the doctor who
described it first). It is the expression we take when we are experiencing really positive
emotions.
At one point, the researchers believed it was almost impossible to fake a genuine
smile on command. The smile, they said, is judged by the crow's feet around the eyes. When
you smile with joy, they hug. When you pretend, you don't squeeze.
If someone is trying to look happy, but is actually not happy, you won't see wrinkles.
More recently, a study conducted by researchers at North-eastern University found
that people are very good at faking a Duchenne smile, even when they don't feel
particularly happy. We can safely say that if the expression folds are not there, the person
is probably not genuinely happy. But just because there are wrinkles, that doesn't
necessarily mean that the person is.
People tend to show some tell-tale physical signs when they are dishonest. Of
course, one who agitates, sweats or breathes irregularly may simply be nervous (or
naturally tend to sweat and be short of breath). So, take it easy before you think someone is
lying based on physical clues only. However, if you notice some of these alarm bells,
consider them. They could help you unmask a liar about it.
1. They jerk their heads.
If you see someone suddenly move their head when you ask them a direct question,
it may be that they are lying to you about something.
"The head will be pulled back or jerked back, tilted down, or bent, or turned to one
side." This will usually happen a moment before the person has to answer the question.
2. The rhythm of their breathing changes.
When someone is lying to you, they may begin to breathe heavily, it is a reflex
action. When their breathing changes, their shoulders will rise and their voice may become
weak, he adds. Basically, they are short of breath because their heart rate and blood flow
changes. The body experiences this type of change when one is nervous and feels tense -
when one lies.
3. They repeat words or phrases.
This is because they are trying to persuade, and convince themselves of something,
says Glass. "They are trying to corroborate the lie in their head." For example, he or she
might say, "I didn't do it ... I didn't do it ...", over and over again. Repetition is also a way of
taking time, so that you can better collect your thoughts, he adds. When someone has not
been honest and you ask further questions, they often try to slow down in answering.
"They try to think what to say next."
4. They instinctively cover the most vulnerable parts of the body.
This could include parts such as the throat, chest, neck, head or abdomen. “I often
saw this in courtrooms when I worked as a prosecutor consultant. I can always guess when
someone's deposition hits an accused's nerve when I see him or her covering his throat
with one hand, "says Glass.
"I never fully appreciated the potential use of this revealing behavior until I joined
the FBI as a Special Agent," he said.
5. They touch their mouths or cover it.
"A tell-tale sign of who is lying is that that person will automatically put his hands
on his mouth when he doesn't want to address a question or answer a question."
When adults put their hands on their lips, it means that they are not saying
everything, and that they simply do not want to tell the truth, "he says. "They are literally
closing the communication"
6. Drag your feet.
This is the body that takes over. Dragging your feet tells us that the potential liar is
uncomfortable and nervous. It also shows that he or she wants to abandon that situation;
they want to leave.
This is one of the key ways to catch a liar. Look at their feet and you will understand
a lot.
7. They give too much information.
When someone goes for long and gives you too much information - information that
has not been requested and especially an excess of detail - there is a high possibility that he
or she is not telling the truth. Liars often talk a lot because they hope that, with all their
talking and apparent being open, others will believe him.
8. They tend to point the finger.
When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is trying to turn the conversation
against you. The liar will become hostile because you have discovered his lies, which can
lead him to often point the finger.
9. They struggle to speak.
If you have ever watched videos of interrogating a suspect who is guilty, you will
have often noticed that it becomes increasingly difficult for him or her to speak. "This
happens because the autonomic nervous system decreases salivation in times of stress,
which obviously dries the mucous membranes of the mouth."
Other signs to look for include suddenly biting your lips or twitching them.
10. They stare at you without blinking
When people are lying, eye contact is likely to break, but the liar may try to keep eye
contact in an attempt to control and manipulate you.
“[Bernie] Madoff, like most scammers, stared at people longer than normal, often
without closing their eyes at regular intervals,” says Glass. When people tell the truth they
sometimes look around and can even look away at times. Liars, on the other hand, will use
a cold, steady gaze to intimidate and control.
Also pay attention to those who open and close their eyes quickly.
11. They start to sweat.
When people lie, they tend to get nervous and feel uncomfortable. And when you
are nervous and uncomfortable, you tend to sweat.
Sweat droplets may develop on the upper lip or forehead. This is because their
autonomic nervous system is working harder.
12. They fidget.
Some people simply can't stand still. Others become agitated only when they
become nervous. If the person you are talking to always tends to move too much or has a
good reason to be worried, then pay no attention to the excitement. In any case, the
agitation can also be the sign that someone is an inexperienced liar (the good ones are able
to control their nerves).
Raised eyebrows are often a sign of discomfort
In the same way that a smile makes expression lines around the eyes, according to
University of Massachusetts professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne in Psychology Today,
concern, surprise or fear can lead people to raise their eyebrows from embarrassment.
So, if someone compliments you on your hairstyle or how you dress with your
eyebrows raised, it may not be sincere.
➢ A pointing finger with a clenched hand is an attempt to establish
dominance.
If someone closes his hand into a fist and points his finger, he is trying to show
himself dominant, although it does not always work.
The hand-closed-with-finger-pointing is a fist in which the pointing finger is used as
a symbolic stick with which the speaker speaks figuratively to his listeners leading them
into submission.
At the subconscious level it evokes negative feelings in others because it precedes a
direct right, a primordial move that many primates used in a physical attack.
If others mirror your body language, the conversation is probably going well.
When two people get along, their positions and movements are mirrored. When
your best friend crosses his legs, you do too. If you went out with someone and the date is
going well, you will both be making the same awkward hand movements.
This is so because we mirror ourselves when we feel a connection.
But if they look you in the eye for too long, they may lie
In an attempt to avoid looking elusive, some liars will intentionally stare you in the
eye a little too long, so as to make you a little uncomfortable.
They can also stay very still and not blink.
Meyer is CEO of Calibrate, a company that trains executives and government
officials in analyzing deceptive behavior. During the seminar he listed a dozen behaviors to
watch, but four are the basic ones of body language.
➢ The uncertain shrug.
The uncertain shrug needs no explanation. Indicates doubt while someone is trying
to tell a convincing (and false) story.
➢ Failing to hold micro-expressions.
Micro-expressions are more difficult to recognize. They consist of minimal
movements on a person's face that indicate passing emotions. For example, when
questioned, a liar could momentarily show contempt for a person being talked about.
➢ The "pleasure of deception".
"Pleasure to deceive" is the definition when someone smiles inappropriately for the
seriousness of the situation he is being questioned about. However, it is important to
recognize whether people smile when they are truly happy. We already know the signs:
small wrinkles around the eyes, symmetrical smile and upturned corners of the mouth.
➢ Say no while nodding your head.
Say no while you say yes with your head is another sign that someone might be
lying. If someone is asked if he stole something, for example, he might say, "Obviously not,"
while nodding his head simultaneously. In this case, he is inadvertently telling the truth
with body language.
Before employing these techniques to recognize lies, it is important to follow the
guidelines: understanding what normal behavior for a person is to notice when it has an
unusual attitude. For this reason, he says, make sure you are in a quiet room with visible
escape routes and ask simple questions like "How are you?", and "How are the kids?".
Eye contact shows interest - both positive and negative.
When you look someone in the eye, this generates a state of excitement in the body.
How this excitement is interpreted, however, depends on the parties involved and
the circumstances.
Being stared at by a stranger who appears large or threatening can be seen as a
threat and provoke a fearful response ... But the gaze of a potential sexual partner causes an
excitement that can be interpreted positively - as a sexual invitation.
Attraction or repulsion, interest or indifference. The eyes can communicate our
mood and our disposition towards other people. For this, eye contact has great power.
Knowing how to manage it can come in handy when we fix the gaze of a girl on a bus or that
of a potential employer during an interview.
➢ An expansive pose signals power and success.
How people pose is a great clue to how they feel.
If someone leans and lies down, they probably feel powerful and in control of the
situation. In fact, research has found that even blind born people raise their arms up high
forming a V when they win a race.
The attraction is not communicated by a single gesture, but by a sequence
Neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas suggests one to pay attention to: “After making eye
contact, she looks down a little, picks up her hair or smoothest it and then looks up at you,
still holding her chin in down".
There are many ways to easily increase your sex appeal. Take a dog for a walk;
playing good music, telling a joke.
Unfortunately, there are at least as many to sabotage him, for example put a photo
in which sprawled or with his arms crossed in the site for online dating.
Below, we have brought together all too common behaviors and characteristics that
can make it difficult to have an appointment; and only a few have to do with your physical
appearance.
➢ Lack of sleep.
After sleeping little we can look much less attractive.
In 2010, Swedish and Dutch researchers took photos of people who had slept at
least eight hours the previous night and people who hadn't slept for 31 hours. Those who
had not slept were judged less healthy and less attractive.
Three years later, the researchers delved into the topic, and other participants
judged the people portrayed in the photos with different criteria.
In general, they said that people who hadn't slept had "drooping eyelids, red eyes,
dark circles and pale skin." They even seemed sadder than their more rested counterparts.
➢ Be bad.
In a 2014 Chinese study, the researchers pointed men and women to photos of other
people who all had neutral expressions.
Some of the photos were accompanied by the words "dignified" and "honest"; others
as "bad" and "evil"; still others were without information.
Participants ended up judging people who were described as bad and evil as less
attractive.
➢ Closed body language.
Power pose is a controversial topic within the scientific community. A 2010 study
found that expanding one's body can make you feel more powerful and confident in if same,
but one of the authors said recently that the effects are not real.
However, a 2016 study conducted by researchers from the University of California
at Berkeley, Stanford University, the University of Texas at Austin and Northwestern
University suggests that taking a position like "power pose" may make you more attractive;
while a contracted body language will have the opposite effect.
In an experiment in this study, the researchers had created profiles for men and
women on a dating app that relied on GPS. In a set of profiles, men and women were
portrayed in contracted positions, for example with their arms crossed or their shoulders
curved.
In another set of profiles, the same men and women were portrayed in more
expansive positions, such as raising their V-shaped arms or reaching for something.
The results showed that participants were more likely to choose people in an
expansive posture rather than contracted for an appointment. And it turned out that men
in contracted positions were particularly disadvantaged.
➢ Stress.
Relax - you may look better.
A 2010 study by researchers in Finland, South Africa, Britain, Latvia and Estonia
found that Latvian women with high levels of the stress hormone cortisol were perceived
by Latvian heterosexual men as less attractive.
Although men did not know the cortisol level of women (only researchers knew
them), it seemed to influence their perceived charm. According to the researchers, it is
possible that a low level of cortisol (and stress) indicates health and fertility.
➢ Appearing very happy and too proud.
While happiness is generally considered attractive in women, girls usually don't
look for overly smiling guys.
On the contrary, while pride is traditionally considered attractive in men, boys do
not seem to prefer girls who appear proud.
In 2011, researchers from the University of British Columbia conducted
experiments on over 1,000 adults in North America, showing them pictures of members of
the opposite sex and asking them how attractive people were in the photos.
The results showed that men rated women more attractive when they looked happy
and less attractive when they showed pride. Women, on the other hand, found men who
showed pride more attractive and those who seemed happy less attractive.
It is unclear, however, whether these discoveries about charm are applicable to
different cultures. In a statement, the researchers said the results likely reflect traditional
Western values and gender rules; for example, the idea that a man should appear "strong
and silent" while a woman "submissive and vulnerable".
➢ Do not have a sense of humor.
A 2009 study by researchers at the University of California in San Diego found that
not being witty - and even having an average sense of humor - is considered less attractive
than having a great sense of humor.
The study also found that it was not a gender issue - little sense of humor is
considered equally unattractive in men and women.
➢ Laziness.
The result of a series of experiments, published by researchers from the University
of Wisconsin-Madison and the State University of New York in Binghamton in 2004,
showed that perceived charm was connected to traits such as availability.
In one experiment, the researchers asked students on a six-week archaeology
course to evaluate each other according to various personality characteristics, and
according to charm, at the beginning and end of the course.
When the researchers analyzed the results, they found that even students rated as
attractive at the beginning of the course were ultimately rated below average when their
classmates perceived them as lazy (uncooperative and slacker).
➢ If your smell is too similar or too different from that of a potential
partner.
Science suggests that we humans seek out companions who are not genetically
neither too similar nor too different from us; and sometimes we do these assessments
based on body smell. In a 2006 study, conducted by researchers at the University of New
Mexico in Albuquerque, for example, heterosexual couples were hired to answer questions
about how attracted they felt to their partner and how many other people they had had sex
with in the course of the relationship. At the same time, the researchers examined the
participants DNA. In particular, they wanted to compare their major histocompatibility
complex, which are genes of the immune system.
The researchers found that the more similar a couple's MHPs were, the less
attracted the participants were to their partners and the more likely they had had sex
outside the relationship.
At the same time, the study also found that we avoid people with a smell that is too
different from ours.
➢ Dishonesty.
If you are tempted to lie to look cooler, do not do it.
Research suggests that dishonesty is one of the main reasons for separation for
both men and women. For a 2006 study conducted at the University of Western Ontario,
participants had to read comments about men and women who were described as
intelligent or stupid, dependent or independent, and honest and dishonest. Participants
then judged the people described based on several criteria, including how much they liked
and how charming they were. Honesty was discovered to be the only characteristic of the
three that substantially influenced judgments of charm and liking.
➢ Smoking and drinking too much.
In a 2016 study, the researchers recruited more than 200 heterosexual women in
Belgium to show them photographs and biographies of young men.
Men whose biographies indicated that they smoked frequently were considered
less charming than non-smokers and occasional smokers - especially if a long-term
relationship was considered.
As for drinking, occasional drinkers were judged more attractive than non-drinkers
and frequent drinkers, considering both short- and long-term relationships.
➢ Don't be humble.
Immodesty can kill romance - at least according to a 2014 study by researchers from
Hope College and the University of North Texas. During two experiments, the researchers
had about 200 students, mostly heterosexual, read descriptions and personality
assessments of a hypothetical fellow student. The descriptions were varied - in some it was
written, “I am a fairly good student, but not a nerd.”. The others say, “I'm smart, but I don't
like attracting attention.". In others, "I am a really good and very intelligent student, but
certainly not a nerd or nerd: I think it comes naturally to me."
When the students appeared very humble, their classmates were more likely to
want to start a relationship with them.
➢ Discordant political preferences.
When the staff becomes political.
A 2016 study published by researchers from the University of California of Merced
and California State University from Stanislaus suggests that our political views influence
our appeal criteria. For the study, conducted during the 2012 election campaign, around
850 US adults indicated whether they identified themselves more with Democrats or with
Republicans. Then, the participants looked at a photo and a short biography of a person of
the opposite gender. In some cases, the biography indicated whether the person supported
Barack Obama or Mitt Romney. Democratic women were found to find the portrayed man
much more attractive if he was an Obama supporter and much less attractive if he
supported Romney. Men also found the woman much less attractive when she supported
the opposite party. But they didn't consider her much more attractive if she supported the
same party.
Obviously, it's not about changing your political views to appear more attractive to
others. It is only proof of the myriad of factors that define our sentimental preferences.
➢ Crossed legs are usually a sign of endurance and low receptivity and
are a negative sign in a negotiation.
On two thousand negotiations videotaped by Gerard I. Nierenberg and Henry H.
Calero, authors of “How to Read a Person Like a Book”, there was no agreement when one
of the negotiators had the legs crossed. "Psychologically the crossed legs indicate that a
person is mentally, emotionally and physically closed," writes psychologist Travis
Bradberry - which could mean that he will give less during a negotiation.
Strange psychological mechanisms that explain why
we sometimes act absurdly
Do you think you know why you think and act in a certain way? You are probably
wrong. Decades of psychological research suggest that people behave in mysterious and
absurd ways, which leave even themselves perplexed.
We sifted through the conversation on Quora (a social network on which users can
post questions and answers) on: "What are some of the most shocking things about social
psychology?" and we came up with the most fascinating discoveries. (Some don't really fall
into the field of social psychology, but we thought it appropriate to include them).
Read on and find out why we judge other opinions while we consider ourselves
victims of circumstances; because people in power eat more disorderly and because we
would be more likely to get an electric shock than to sit alone for more than 15 minutes
(really!).
1. Herd effect: we often adapt the opinion of the majority, even when the majority
is clearly wrong.
People often get to do amazing things just to conform to the majority opinion. In the
1950s, Asch had planned an experiment in which participants saw three lines and were
asked which one was the longest. One line was obviously longer than the others.
With each repetition of the experiment, a single participant was surrounded by a
group of accomplices, who unanimously claimed that one of the shortest lines was actually
the longest. Well, at least once three quarters of the participants lined up with the rest of
the group.
In 2005 the psychiatrist and neuroscientist Gregory Berns replicated the
experiment and obtained similar results. Bern also scanned the participants brains during
the experiment and thus determined that the pressure group is actually the cause of the
change in perception of reality that occurs in people, while dissenting from the group
causes people to feel emotionally uncomfortable.
2. We don't always realize that the environment has a huge impact on our
behavior
According to a research, in countries where driving licenses have a box that must be
crossed to deny consent to organ donation, the consent rate is significantly higher than in
countries where there is a box to tick to say to say "Yes".
Making a decision is difficult so people often resort to the default option.
3. The beam and the straw: we are much more severe with others than with
ourselves.
The "fundamental attribution error", also known as "correspondence bias", explains
our tendency to believe that other people's mistakes are the result of personality defects,
while our mistakes are the result of circumstantial factors.
So, if someone hits us on the sidewalk, we take it for granted that he is an idiot,
rather than thinking that he can go in a hurry so as not to miss his son's school play. But if
we hit someone on the sidewalk, we know we are good people and that we simply hurry to
not miss a meeting.
The phenomenon is an elementary part of how we think and process information
and how we experience what surrounds us.
4. We hate sitting alone so much that many of us would rather be subjected to
electric shock.
A Quora user reported a 2014 study that found that sitting alone without
stimulation for 10-20 minutes is more painful for some people than receiving electric
shock. An incredible 64% of men have inflicted at least one shock during the time they
should have simply spent thinking. Fifteen percent of women did the same.
This happened despite the fact that, in an earlier part of the study, the men had said
that the shock was something so annoying that they would pay to avoid the experience.
The study authors wrote that "it may be particularly difficult to direct our thoughts
to pleasant things and keep them there," which is why many people try to control their
thoughts through techniques such as meditation. "Without this training, people prefer to do
rather than think, even if what they do is so unpleasant that they would normally pay for
not doing it."
5. We can easily be tricked into paying more than we want.
Basically, we all tend to take the bait effect.
6. When we feel powerful, we are more greedy, rude and overbearing.
Kevin Coe puts the spotlight on a study that examines how power affects behavior.
The researchers divided the participants into groups of three and named some
people as leaders, who are expected to score others based on how much they contribute.
What comes out, when the experimenter appears with a plate with five biscuits, is that
those named leaders are more likely to take a second biscuit and chew it with their mouths
open, dirtying the table with crumbs.
In a meta-analysis of multiple studies like these, the researchers argue that "power
also triggers more pernicious forms of aggression" such as sexual harassment, in cultures
where women are subordinated to men, or crimes against minorities.
7. We rely too heavily on the first "piece" of information we hear when making a
decision.
Imagine someone asking if Gandhi was 100 years older when he died; now imagine
someone asking if Gandhi was younger than 20 when he died. If in both cases you tried to
estimate how old Gandhi was when he died, you will tend to give a higher estimate in the
first case since the anchor (100) was higher.
Even experts can still fall victim to the effect without realizing it. In a 1987 research,
the experimenters sent a group of undergraduates and volunteer realtors to visit a
property for sale and then later show them the market value. Some participants saw a
higher price than others.
Obviously when the participants were asked to estimate the value of the property
and the purchase price, those who had seen a higher price provided higher numbers.
Interesting is how real estate agents were generally less sensitive than undergraduates to
the fact that the market value seen had influenced their estimates.
8. It is easier to behave unethically when you are part of a "pack" that guarantees
anonymity.
Dylan James refers to "de individualization" and specifically to a brilliant 1976 study
of that phenomenon, described in detail in Scientific American.
The researchers wanted to know under what conditions children who turned
around for trick or treat would get extra candy. On Halloween, the investigators lurked in
the Seattle homes and opened the doors to the children. Halfway through the experiment,
the experimenter asked the children for their names and where they lived. For the other
half, he asked for nothing. In both cases, the experimenter told the children that they could
take only one candy from the plate, and then went away to do something. As a result,
children tended to take extra candy if they were part of an anonymous group, while they
tended not to do it if they revealed their name or went around the houses alone.
The lesson here seems to be that when we are in a group, we tend to be less
inhibited and to act in a less socially acceptable way.
9. We pay attention only to what we are paying attention to at that moment.
The invisible gorilla experiments
We are not observers at all as we think we are. We don't pay attention to most of
our surroundings because we are too focused on what catches our attention at any given
moment.
Schwekendiek cites a classic experiment known as "the gorilla test". For the
experiment, psychologists Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons created a short film in
which a team dressed in white and one dressed in black pass the basketball. Participants
are asked to count the number of passes made by both whites and blacks. Halfway through
the video, a woman dressed as a gorilla crosses the field, beating her chest and then
disappears from the screen. It is on the screen for a total of 9 seconds.
About half of the thousands of people who watched the video don't notice the
gorilla, presumably because they are so focused on counting ball passes. Obviously when
asked if they would notice the gorilla in this situation almost everyone said yes.
10. We like someone more after we have done him a favor.
James Saker emphasizes the psychological phenomenon known as the "Ben Franklin
Effect". Apparently, Franklin asked one of his detractors to borrow a book from his library;
the man felt flattered and soon became his friend. The moral of the story is: ask someone to
do you a favor and they will like you more, rather than less than you might have thought.
Researchers tested this theory in 1969 and found confirmation.
For the experiment, some volunteers would participate in a study where they could
win money.
A third of the volunteers were approached by the secretary who explained to them
that the psychology department had paid for the study and that the funds were running
out, thus asking the volunteers to return the payment. Another third was approached by
the investigator who told him that he himself had paid for the study and the funds were
running out, asking them to return the payment. At the last third the money was left.
The results showed that the volunteers who had to return the money liked the
experimenter more than those who kept the money.
11. Our unwavering self-motivation can be undermined by external and
unrelated influencers.
Self-determination theory is a framework used by psychology to understand human
motivation. The theory was developed by Edward L. Deci and Richard M. Ryan, and has
since been expanded by other researchers. According to research by Deci and Ryan, when
you perform an intrinsically interesting activity and are then rewarded for it, the intrinsic
motivation (do something because we like it) can, in some cases, then decrease. Think of
receiving a monetary bonus for reaching your goals on the job and feeling less inclined to
work hard immediately afterwards. Nicolas Connault writes that this idea is often
unpopular "because it essentially means you cannot directly control someone's
motivation". And he adds: "Although this effect has been extremely well researched and is
also cross-cultural, most people simply don't accept it because it seems too
counterintuitive."
➢ Contracted jaw, tight neck or frowning face show stress.
All of these are "limbic responses" associated with the limbic system in the brain.
"Emotion, detection and reaction to threats, as well as ensuring our survival, are all heavy
responsibilities of the limbic system," writes former FBI law enforcement agent Joe
Navarro.
“The bus leaves without us, and we clench our jaws, rub our necks. We are asked to
work another weekend and the orbits of our eyes narrow as our chin drops. " Humans have
shown unease in this way for millions of years, Navarro says.
The bad news is that nobody is totally immune to anxiety. There are those who
suffer more and less, but stress and worries affect everyone indiscriminately. In Europe,
according to data released by the EPA (European Association of Psychiatry), the number of
anxiety sufferers would be 61 million, including eight in Italy. The good news, however, is
that there are tools to fight it. Numerous researches show that a variety of activities,
hobbies, are able to reduce anxiety levels in people.
If people repeatedly touch their face or hands, they are probably nervous
Navarro told Business Insider that we have evolved to show nervousness without
having to use words. Some of the most common manifestations of our anxiety? Touch our
face and rub the skin on our hands. Both can be soothing behaviors when you feel
uncomfortable.
"It's funny how often we touch each other under stress," said Navarro.
If they laugh with you, they probably like you!
If someone is receptive to your mood, they are probably interested in you.
Evolutionary psychologists say that humor - and the positive reception of humor - play a
fundamental role in human development. They serve as a way to signal desire for a
relationship, both platonic and romantic.
➢ The expansive and authoritative positions show an attitude of
leadership.
Whether they are innate or learned, there are a number of signs and behaviors that
people use when they feel they are leaders, or at least try to convince others that they are
leaders. These include maintaining an upright posture, walking with decision, drumming
the fingers and other gestures with the palms of the hands down, and generally open and
expansive body positions.
During the holidays it is best to avoid any discussion, at least when possible. But if it
were really impossible, then you might want to use some scientific argument that proves
you right.
It would seem, in fact, that if you want to convince someone that your explanation -
of whatever it is - is the best possible, you should stick to some useless (though accurate)
information that comes from a secondary connected scientific field.
The motivation is simple: people consider an explanation more credible when you
can attach additional information from a respected field of study to it.
And although it is a new result, it is only one of the many cognitive distortions that
we have in favor of certain types of explanations.
In particular, we tend to believe that longer explanations are better than short ones
and we prefer explanations that highlight a goal or a reason why things happen, even if
these things don't actually help us understand the phenomenon.
Like the authors of this most recent document, other researchers before them have
shown that we prefer psychology explanations that contain “logically irrelevant neuro-
scientific information”: it is something known as the “seductive recall effect”.
As former Tech Insider correspondent Drake Baer said, writing about a previous
study on the same topic, “if you're trying to explain why someone did something, you can
count on the neurobabble (the jargon used by neuroscientists) to make it sound more
convincing”.
All those references to the brain sound like they could really explain the ways in
which our head works, although neuroscience is still a field we know little about.
Explanations that refer to what happens in the brain are believed to be most
convincing.
But so far researchers have not known whether this strategy for winning in debates
was limited to the use of neuroscience to "explain" psychology, or whether it can be used to
explain other areas of science as well.
The Upenn team theorized that people might generally prefer arguments that refer
to the most basic sciences, even if those references do not contribute to the explanation.
They call this type of argument a reductive explanation "since it reduces a science to
more fundamental parts).
To test this theory, researchers created a hierarchy of sciences in increasing order of
importance: social sciences, psychology, neuroscience, biology, chemistry and ultimately
physics.
They recruited college students and people on "Amazon Mechanical Turk " and
presented them with a survey designed to understand if unnecessary reductive
information would push them to consider the "best" explanations.
In any case, the researchers offered four possible explanations for a scientific
concept: a good explanation, a good explanation that also includes additional reductive
information, a bad explanation and a bad explanation that includes reductive information.
What would have happened if Trump's opponents had used "unnecessary
information to support their arguments”?
As a general rule, their hypotheses have not been successful - people think that
explanations that have useless information containing details about a more "fundamental"
science are usually better.
Good explanations count and have been voted better than bad explanations (even if
bad explanations had reductive information).
Adding unnecessary reductive information really made a difference when
researchers added neuroscience to an explanation of psychological science.
Participants trusted psychology less and - in the exception to the general rule - did
not believe that adding psychological explanations to the social sciences could make those
explanations more credible (although these results in particular were not statistically
relevant).
The study participants actually considered the most rigorous and prestigious
neuroscience of the sciences considered as more fundamental by researchers (biology,
chemistry and physics).
This may explain the great effect that neuro-scientific explanation has when added
to psychological science explanations.
Those summoned by Mechanical Turk felt that the explanations with reductive
information were better than the students believed. That information made a big difference
to them, but it was less significant for the students.
Different groups of people will end up evaluating information in different ways, and
none of these groups of people can accurately represent how the whole population
evaluates information.
People who are more inclined to logical reasoning have better managed to evaluate
the explanation carefully (giving less credit to reductive information).
Researchers believe this could mean that philosophers who have studied logic are
less susceptible to this cognitive distortion.
People who knew more about science were also more able to recognize a good
explanation from a bad one.
So, the next time you read an explanation of something, check to see if the author is
adding unnecessary information to support his argument, making you more inclined to
believe it for all the wrong reasons.
And if you can convince someone of something, you can check if adding a little
detail from the scientific background helps you to bring the discussion to your side. The
only thing tries to rely on a science other than psychology.
➢ An agitated leg signals an agitated inner state.
The legs are the largest area of our body, so when they move, it's hard for others to
miss it. A trembling leg signals anxiety, irritation, or both.
➢ A smile mentioned along with direct eye contact could be an attempt
at seduction.
Riggio's research suggests that there is a specific type of smile when trying to act
seductively.
Typically, they show a positive interest with a slight smile that accompanies direct
eye contact, then slowly look away, but always keeping the smile.
It is interesting to note that the seductive smile could be accompanied by
submissive behavior (tilting the head downwards), or by dominant behavior - looking away
with pride and slowness.
If the inner corners of the eyebrows don't move up and inward, people are probably
not as sad as they seem
Psychologist Paul Ekman uses the term "reliable muscles" for face muscles that
cannot be contracted voluntarily.
Psychologist Matthew Hertstein, explained how to apply Ekman's research: “If you
observe a person who expresses sadness both verbally and with his face, but the inner
corners of the eyebrows do not move down and towards the inside, it might not be sad at
all. He is unable to contract those muscles voluntarily despite his best efforts.”
If one side of their face is more active than the other side, people may be faking their
feelings.
Hertstein writes: “The vast majority of facial expressions of emotions are bilateral,
that is, they occur equally on both sides of the face ... The next time you tell a joke, look to
see if the listener's smile is symmetrical when he laughs.”
Obvious signals for interpreting and understanding
Body Language
How to read body language, that is, that part of non-verbal communication that
accompanies, strengthens and often changes the meaning of a message transmitted
verbally?
Stay with us, you will learn to interpret every minimal gesture of the body and facial
mimic thanks to this complete analysis of 70 signals.
In fact, this part of communication is very important in human relationships, both
those that take place in the workplace and those that take place in private life.
In particular, it assumes a relevant part in the relationship between man and
woman, in that the language of the female body is different from the language of the male
body.
To better carry out the interpretation of body language, help can come from
proxemics, a discipline that precisely studies distances within proximity relationships.
Would you ever have thought that flirting could be the subject of a scientific
discipline?
This chapter is intended to be nothing more than a practical guide to reading body
language, signs of attraction and, more generally, to non-verbal language: if you are
nodding your head and sitting with your body leaning forward, it is very likely that you are
interested in the topic, so read on.
1. How to understand body language.
The first thing to say, when it comes to non-verbal communication, is that it is very
difficult to decipher because body language is not an exact science. However, there are
some signs that, in a fairly certain way, can be associated with a specific meaning.
For convenience, scholars usually group body language signals into groups and
subgroups that refer to the parts of the body to which they belong; we too, in our practical
guide to body languages, will resort to this type of subdivision. The parts of the body that
we will analyze are the following: eyes, mouth, head, arms, hands, handshakes, legs and
feet, personal space.
If you are moving your head quickly you are probably quite impatient to know how
to read body language and so…. here we go.
1.1. Eyes.
The eyes have a huge importance in our body language: just think that the human
being is capable of making eye contact with another human being even 30/40 meters away.
There is also a close relationship between the eyes and the brain: looking to the
right is typical of someone who is in a creative phase, while looking to the left usually has to
do with memory. Here is a possible reading of some signals that we send to others (or that
others send to us) through the eyes:
➢ Looking to the right indicates creating, manufacturing with the
imagination (also in the sense of lying); if below it can mean that the person is
drawing from his inner sensations or that he has feelings;
➢ Looking left means using memory, remembering, recovering facts; if
upwards, they indicate security and certainty;
➢ Direct eye contact when speaking indicates honesty, but it can also be
flaunted by liars who know they are lying; while listening it indicates interest,
attention, sometimes physical attraction;
➢ Eyes widening is also a signal of sexual interest;
➢ Rubbing your eyes or an eye indicates amazement, disbelief,
disturbance, in some cases boredom or need to sleep;
➢ Rolling one's eyes can mean resignation and / or frustration;
➢ Dilating the pupils may in some cases indicate excitement or desire;
➢ Blinking can indicate excitement or agitation; if the eyes are fixed this
can indicate concentration or, when turned towards someone, hostility;
➢ Raising the eyebrows (or just one eyebrow) corresponds to a friendly
greeting when the action is short-lived (flash eyebrow); if the eyebrows remain
raised longer this indicates surprise, fear, perplexity;
➢ Winking indicates complicity.
1.2. Mouth
The mouth is associated with many body languages cues, whether or not there is
verbal communication. Smiling is undoubtedly one of the first signs of openness to others,
but there are many types of smile, some of which may also indicate refusal.
Let's find out the meaning of various signals associated with this part of our body:
➢ Smiling only with the mouth indicates a false, not sincere smile;
➢ Smiling through gritted teeth means rejection, dislike or distrust;
➢ Smiling asymmetrically, with only one part of the face, indicates
sarcasm or contrast;
➢ Protruding the lower lip indicates that you are irritated or moved
(about to cry);
➢ Laughing with your mouth open indicates, accompanying the
laughter with body movements, that we feel comfortable;
➢ Biting one's lips indicates nervousness or tension (in some cases,
however, nibbling one's lips can also be a sexual invitation);
➢ Teeth grinding indicates worry, anxiety, fear;
➢ Chewing a pen or pencil has a self-reassuring function like sucking
your thumb and in some cases smoking a cigarette;
➢ Putting the tongue in the center of the mouth indicates refusal, it is in
fact the gesture we make when we put something we don't like in our mouth;
➢ Covering your mouth with one or two hands is an unconscious
gesture of self-regulation that indicates shock, amazement, sometimes
embarrassment, as it is as if we wanted to block words so as not to express
something wrong;
Nail biting is the result of a situation of stress, anxiety and frustration, for some it
represents a form of aggression towards oneself.
1.3. Head
The head tends to determine the general direction of the body, but it is also a very
vulnerable part as it contains the brain. Since it rests on a very flexible structure (the neck)
the head can move in practically all directions and all these movements are associated with
the meanings of body language:
➢ Nodding your head means that you agree with our interlocutor, but if
you do it too slowly it could actually be a sign of falsehood, too fast of impatience;
➢ Raising the head upwards indicates pride, arrogance but in some
cases also courage, vigilance;
➢ Tilting the head to one side indicates submission, the exposure of the
neck is a sign of confidence;
➢ Leaning your head forward communicates interest, positivity, if
instead downwards it can indicate reproach or disapproval;
➢ Shaking your head, especially if vigorously, indicates disagreement;
➢ Bowing your head on your chest indicates shame, abandonment,
defeat.
1.4. Arms
The arms are fairly reliable indicators of a person's mood: clenching the arms for
example indicates defense, while opening the arms, keeping the palms open forward,
communicates safety and openness.
We see other signs that you can communicate through the body language associated
with the arms, also in combination with other parts of the body:
➢ Crossing arms and legs is a sign of defense, if the fists are also closed
of hostility;
➢ Girding one arm with the other, a typical gesture of women, indicates
nervousness or self-protection;
➢ Bringing your arms behind your back with folded hands, typical of
men, indicates strength, authority, self-confidence;
➢ Resting an arm on the table with an object on the opposite side can
indicate nervousness, as well as scratching an arm or shoulder with the opposite
hand;
➢ Holding the arm in front of the body, especially if with the hand close
to the genitals, indicates defense, self-protection (it is typical of women who hold
the shoulder bag on the front as if they want to create an additional barrier).
1.5. Language of hands

The body language that involves the hands is really wide, also because they tend to
interact with many other parts of the body; moreover, the manual gestures only partially
respond to a voluntary action, most of the time they are involuntary movements, such as
touching one's nose.
Examples of conscious signals are making the okay with the thumb up or greeting;
sometimes we also use our hands voluntarily to communicate, for example, the size of an
object. Here are the possible interpretations of some signals with the hands:
➢ Raising the open palm upwards is a sign of submission, honesty and
peace given that "you have no weapon in your hand";
➢ Raising the hands in front of the face with the fingers open is a
defensive position, sometimes offensive as well as bringing the hands or fists
downwards;
➢ Put your hand on the heart indicates sincerity, willingness to be
believed;
➢ Pointing the finger at a person is a signal of threat, aggression; if the
finger is pointed upwards, it is typical of a person who wants to add emphasis to
what he is saying;
➢ Moving the index from one side to the other communicates refusal;
➢ Resting the tips of the fingers of one hand on those of the other hand
forming a triangle is typical of someone who is reflecting or explaining something
complex; moving your fingertips on each other as if imitating a spider on a mirror
increases concentration and reflection;
➢ Moving the palms of the hands facing downwards and downwards
corresponds to the urge to keep calm (a gesture often used by teachers to keep a
class at bay);
➢ Rubbing your hands together indicates a positive expectation,
savoring a win or a pleasant result in advance;
➢ Touching or scratching your nose with your hands while speaking
indicates that you are lying or exaggerating the content of information.
➢ Covering your ears with your hands is a gesture of refusal, instead
pulling the earlobe can indicate indecision;
➢ Caressing your chin with your hands, a rare gesture in women but
frequent in men, indicates that you are thinking about something; if the hand
supports the chin it means that we are pondering what to do about something, but
if the action is prolonged it can also indicate tiredness, boredom;
➢ Scratching the neck usually indicates doubt, disbelief;
➢ Squeezing the wrist with one hand can indicate anxiety, worry,
especially if the wrist is rotated inside the hand several times.
➢ Putting your hands in your pockets indicates disinterest, boredom,
refusal to take action.
1.6. Handshakes
The firmness of a handshake once reserved only for men, but now also extended to
women, is not a reliable indicator of firmness of character but many believe it is. However,
the handshake is able to say many things about us and our relationship with others:
➢ Handshake with palm down indicates dominance, willingness to take
over;
➢ Handshake with the palm upwards communicates openness,
hospitality;
➢ Two-handed handshake in some cases indicates honesty, reliability,
affection, in others paternalism or attempt to control the person in front of you
(even when the second encircles the opposite arm);
➢ Vigorous handshake indicates enthusiasm, attempt to transfer energy
to others;
➢ Weak handshake is not necessarily related to a submissive character,
it often depends on other factors such as mood, gender membership, age,
profession (musicians or surgeons may have delicate handshakes because the
hands they are their work tool therefore to be treated with caution);
➢ Firm handshake also in this case avoid associating with a strong
character, it could instead be an attempt to mask one's weakness or wrong
intentions such as the will to hide or do harm.
1.7. Legs and feet

Legs and feet can provide good clues to feelings and moods, as long as you can
decipher the signs.
However, always keep in mind that the position of the legs also affects gender
(males usually tend to keep the legs more open than women), education and age (the
elderly both for joint problems and for education tend to keep narrower legs when seated
only):
➢ Crossed legs when seated indicate prudence, confidentiality (in some
cases if you also show disinterest), those open availability, openness;
➢ Parallel legs with knees well closed when seated are typical female
attitude indicating good manners or fear;
➢ Pointing the knees towards someone with crossed legs indicates
interest in that person;
➢ Closing the cross legs keeping the legs independent is a secure
posture that denotes an open, unconventional character; if, on the other hand, the
legs are surrounded by the arms, the position indicates self-protection;
➢ Legs open when seated (especially in males) indicate arrogance, self-
confidence, in some cases generalized sexual interest (the knees not only pointed
towards a single subject but towards a wider audience);
➢ Legs entwined while seated (in the female) may indicate sexual
interest as the inner part of the thigh is exposed or insecurity, seeking protection
(especially if with the hands placed on the inside);
➢ Clenching your knees with your hands while sitting with your legs
parallel indicates a defensive attitude, or that you are uncomfortable.
1.8. Personal space in body language

The study of personal space, that is, of the distance that people take from each other,
is called proxemics. Proxemics is one of the most important aspects of body language and
its interpretation.
In general, personal space is defined as the amount of space that people find
comfortable between themselves and others; this amount of space or distance obviously
depends on many factors related to education, culture, situation and type of relationship.
In Western culture there are 5 areas of personal space:
➢ Small intimate space (distance 0-15 cm), it is the space reserved for
lovers, those who do not have an intimate relationship are unlikely to exceed 6 cm
from each other;
➢ Intimate space (distance 15-45cm) typical of those who have
intimate relationships but also of close friends, or by those who play sports
together with other people (in some cases such as on public transport or in very
crowded places you can reach these levels of distance with unknown people, but
without the space becoming intimate);
➢ Personal space (45-120 cm) is that reserved for family and close
friends;
➢ Social space (1.2-3.6 m) concerns the sphere of our social and
professional relationships, where there is interaction but no physical contact
between people except in some cases handshakes, pats on the shoulders;
➢ Public space (over 3.6m) is the minimum distance we take from
others when we don't want to interact (when someone violates this space this
creates confusion and discomfort if an interaction is not established immediately).
2. Body language in intimate relationships.

How can you tell if a man is interested in a woman or vice versa? Again, proxemics
may help.
In fact, when two people of the opposite sex are flirting, their body language changes
to send precise signals to the partner: it is what we commonly call courtship.
Here therefore, through the interpretation of the language of the female body and of
the male body language it is possible to understand whether there is a mutual interest or
not. The most common female signs of interest in a male are:
➢ Make eye contact and then look away (especially if repeated several
times);
➢ Widen your eyes;
➢ Blinking;
➢ Dilate the pupil (also indicates excitement);
➢ Lower your head slightly to one side showing your neck;
➢ Smiling repeatedly;
➢ Moisten or part lips;
➢ Curl your lips as if to kiss or pout;
➢ Straighten or touch your hair;
➢ Show the inner wrist or forearm (erogenous zones such as the neck);
➢ Straighten posture (especially the chest);
➢ Touching the thighs or other sexually attractive part of the body;
➢ Lean forward towards the person of interest;
➢ Point the foot or knee towards the partner;
➢ Move your foot left and right (or out and in the shoe);
➢ Synchronize gestures and positions with your partner as in the
mirror (mirroring).
The male interest in a woman (or in general towards all women as the male is by
nature less selective) manifests itself through these signals of non-verbal communication
giving life to this type of male language in courtship:
➢ Take an upright position with your chest out and your belly in;
➢ Spread the legs (standing or sitting) to increase the size;
➢ Put your thumbs in the belt loops with your fingers facing the genital
area (cowboy position);
➢ Speak out loud or make other gestures like wiggling your head or
pounding your chest to get attention;
➢ Inspect the room with your eyes (looking for prey or to measure
opponents);
➢ Adjust clothes (e.g. tie, collar or cuffs).
➢ Both in the case of the female body language and the male body
language, of course, always be very careful not to draw hasty conclusions on the
basis of a single signal: it is always better to rely on a set of coherent signals to
avoid getting dazzled and blunder!
Your body says at least as much as your mouth.

Clear and effective communication is essential during a presentation, whether it is a
room full of managers, a conference auditorium or a class full of students. The information
we convey verbally is vital, but how we present it can make a difference in what will
remain in the memory of our audience. To awaken the attention in our audience and help
our listeners to remember what we have told them, an indispensable tool will help us: body
language or non-verbal communication.
Let's see how!
Australian researchers, considered to be among the world's leading language
experts, Allan and Barbara Pease, have defined that 83% of communication is non-
verbal. We therefore cannot think of doing without it if we want to communicate
successfully. Ideally also looking for the union of non-verbal communication with the
appropriate persuasion strategies.
To better understand how verbal and non-verbal communication can affect the
audience, it is useful to see the results of a research carried out in 4 different American
universities. The research involved 80 students divided into 4 classes, one per university.
In each of these classes 4 different teachers were sent as "special guests" to present the
same topic.
Two of the teachers presented the topic with effective non-verbal communication,
while the other two used poor non-verbal communication.
Non-verbal communication includes several elements to consider, below you will
find the most important ones and how they were put into practice by the various
instructors and the result obtained with the students.
1. Eye contact. The effective non-verbal teacher tried to establish eye
contact with each student throughout the presentation; the teacher with poor
non-verbal language has always kept his gaze fixed on the Power Point slides he
was projecting, looking only sporadically at the students.
2. Change in tone of voice. The effective non-verbal teacher varied her
tone of voice during the presentation trying to emphasize the highlights; the
teacher with poor non-verbal language maintained a medium and calm tone of
voice throughout the presentation.
3. Location in the room. The effective non-verbal teacher used a
pointer for Power Point slides, moving up and down the room; the teacher with
poor non-verbal language remained standing behind the desk using the mouse
to navigate the Power Point.
4. Facial expressions and posture. The effective non-verbal teacher
used a variety of enthusiastic facial expressions; the teacher with poor non-
verbal language maintained a moderate and flat facial expression.
5. Hand gestures. The effective non-verbal teacher moved his hands
showing his palms several times in the audience, the teacher with poor non-
verbal language kept his hands on the desk for the whole time of the
presentation.
After the presentations, each class took the same test concerning the topics just
dealt with. The classes that followed the presentation of the teacher who used non-verbal
communication effectively scored on average 30% higher. The students also had very
interesting comments regarding the different presentations: Classes with effective non-
verbal communication:
• "Except that he seemed to know what he was talking about, I wouldn't have
trusted him or listened to him."
• (Teacher comment) "Body language, in general, can certainly say a lot
about the knowledge of an interlocutor on the subject."
• Sometimes when teachers are talking, I can't pay attention because I'm
bored, but I listened to this carefully.
Classes with poor non-verbal communication:
• I got easily distracted and started scribbling on my paper. I listened to the
first half of the presentation, but I don't remember anything about the second half.
• I tried to be careful, but at some point, my head wandered about, I tried to
focus on the Power Point slides ... but that didn't work either.
• The next time you have to make a presentation for a client or at a
conference, remember: you are saying with your body at least what you are saying
with your voice.
Affective manipulation: a subtle art of controlling people: definition and functioning
In the world there are different forms of manipulation; from advertising to
marketing, to political leaders who manage to obtain the consent of their constituents
unconditionally. Then there is extortion, insults up to blackmail. Bullying is also a
manipulative attitude if we want to.
These are tactics implemented, mainly for "economic" purposes or of mere power,
to subject a person to his will. To achieve this goal there is also emotional manipulation,
where the manipulator is a person to whom one is emotionally tied. In this sense, one can
decline up to emotional manipulation.
This type of conditioning is extremely widespread, often underestimated and
"under diagnosed". Emotional manipulation works very well in emotional interpersonal
relationships: sentimental relationships, friendships, family and work relationships.
However, often associated with emotional dependence, it is always a form of psychological
violence. There are two actors that come into play in these dynamics: the executioner -
understood as the manipulator - and the victim, the one who is subjugated.
Awareness is required to recognize this subtle form of psychological abuse. That is
to understand in detail what emotional manipulation is, how it manifests itself and how it
works.
What is affective manipulation?

Our behavior is not influenced exclusively by television or politics, indeed, the best
manipulators (or worst, depending on the point of view) we have them by our side, in
everyday life. It can be a friend, a son, a parent, a companion, we ourselves could be the
manipulators. So, what is emotional manipulation? A behavioral form in which a person
submits to his will by leveraging his feelings.
How does emotional manipulation work?

The goal of the manipulator is, very trivially, to get what he wants. Sometimes its
purpose can coincide with material interests, even if - who suffers from such a pathology -
almost always aims at a completely different goal, namely the possession, influence and
total control of a person or more people. These are the purposes on which emotional
manipulation is based. The main function is the emotional lever put in place towards those
who intend to submit to their will.
The methods that the manipulator puts in place are different and can lead to a wide
variety of behaviors. However, at their basis there are well-defined strategies through
which it is possible to create a sick relationship, within which the targeted subject is in a
state of unconscious submission. Emotional manipulation works when the perpetrator
(manipulator) leverages the emotions it engenders in the victim's soul.
One of the main feelings used is guilt. To achieve this, we resort to the technique of
victimization, through which the manipulator manages to transform himself into a victim
by placing the role of executioner on the other side. In this case, the exaltation of the
consequences suffered by the "victim" (manipulator) due to the actions of others occurs.
To identify the manipulator, the right weapon is to observe its behaviors and
scrutinize the emotions that arise from it. Manipulators are passive attackers. What does it
mean? That they almost never attack directly but that, on the contrary, assume subtle
attitudes to silently insinuate a certain influence into the victim. Silence, nervousness,
indifference is some of the symptoms of the passive-aggressive modality.
Lies are another specialty of the manipulators, who, in order to deny their mistakes,
influence the victim by questioning their abilities, convincing them not to remember well
or paradoxically that they have manipulated the circumstances to achieve their purpose.
Another strategy is that of false support. The manipulator acts in such a way as to
appear as the first of the supporters, the first of the friends, a person who can be trusted.
The total confidence that is had towards him leads the victim to lower his defenses, and
this is precisely the right moment to hit her.
7 Signs That Reveal That You Are A Victim of Emotional

Manipulation
Emotional manipulation is a phenomenon that happens much more often than you
imagine. You have probably been involved in it several times even if you didn't realize it.
Maybe you are an emotional manipulator yourself…. if so, be humble to recognize it
by reading this section and change your attitude to improve your life and that of those who
trust you.
There are people who do emotional manipulation consciously, others
unconsciously.
The former knows exactly what to say or do to push the right buttons and get what
they want from you.
It is therefore essential to be able to discern the behavior of an emotional
manipulator in order to avoid its emotional trauma and the damage (even permanent) that
it brings.
Here are 7 signs that reveal that you are a victim of emotional manipulation:
1. Makes you feel guilty for his transgressions.

An emotional manipulator is always a master at making you feel guilty. He will find
any way (to exclude himself) to put responsibility for his actions on others. The situations
can be the most varied, if they are late for a meeting it is because you have not been clear
with the timetable, if all the job interviews go wrong it is because its potential is not
actually understood.
The ultimate goal is that you give up your energy by asking for an absurd sorry.
2. He is always the victim.

This point is demonstrated by the previous point. The fact of never taking on one's
responsibilities leads this person to be (according to him) a sacrificial victim of every
situation.
3. His Actions do not correspond to words.

Those who practice emotional manipulation are masters of language. He will make
you a lot of promises and use flattering words to bring you a feeling of trust and security. In
this way you will follow him with every promise he makes to you when in reality his
actions will never support the promises made. And guess whose responsibility it will be? Of
you who didn't believe in him….
4. He says many lies.

Emotional manipulation leads the person who "practices" it to tell a lot of lies in
order to have your approval. He says so many that he then goes to harness himself in his
own invented stories.
All this will lead to a lack of trust on your part and therefore to the points above of
victimization and making you feel guilty ...
5. Often leverages pain.

If you are a victim of emotional manipulation, the person in question will probably
build something even more serious and frightening if they feel that something bad has
happened in the neighbourhood where you live or in the city.
If he hears bad news on the news, he reinvents it and amplifies it with the sole
purpose of bringing you to its low frequencies and feeling (unconsciously) in tune with you.
Purpose? Bring attention to yourself.
6. Makes you believe you are negotiating.
If you are a victim of emotional manipulation you may believe that the person is
negotiating with you. I am not only talking about money but also about feelings even if it is
absurd to talk about negotiation... but it is so.
To make you understand, I'll give you an example with money. Imagine that the
person in question asks you for a loan of 100 euros. You say no because you can't afford
them right now. Then he casually tells you that 50 would be fine anyway and you accept.
The point is that from the beginning he wanted 50 and he knows very well that if he asked
for 50 right away you would probably have refused….
Now you can say: yes, but maybe it's not an emotional manipulation, it's a situation
that often presents itself. Try to say no even to the 50 and see how he reacts: if the reaction
is that you don't understand him, that you don't want to help him ... in short, if it brings you
to guilt... BINGO
7. He is a trusted forger.
The emotional manipulator requires your trust in order to deceive you. He needs
your sympathy but first of all he needs your trust. The most effective and quickest way to
do this is to insist and prove that he trusts you. He will not stop at anything just to convince
you that you are the most important person for him. This way it will be easy for you to
return this trust and if you don't, he knows that you may feel guilty (eventually he will take
care of it).
The sad fact is that if you combine all the points that we talked about in this post
you may notice that everything he said or did to you is just a great texture to take you
exactly where he wants.
"Trust is good, NOT trusting is better"
How to react?
Meanwhile, start trusting yourself 100%. Be aware of your intuitions and listen to
them. Increase your self-esteem. Work on yourself by keeping yourself high in energy and
these people will NEVER happen in your life. But if you attract them it is because on a
vibrational and emotional level you are down, and you could really get out of it very badly.
From now on, be incredibly careful, your happiness comes first of all (and of all).
It is disturbing to think but ... we have all been victims of emotional manipulation at
least once in our lives. Maternal pressures, guilt feelings that lead to say some yes, too ...
Even more disturbing fact is that there are people who, every day and for years, have been
victims of manipulators who use proven techniques refined with time and experience.
Who is the manipulator? We don't necessarily have to associate emotional
manipulation with narcissistic, antisocial, histrionic or borderline disorder, anyone can
take on the role of the manipulator.
A mom who pries on her daughter's guilt feelings for a profit is also implementing a
manipulation technique. Here, the manipulator can be a brother, a trusted friend or a
much-loved mom, we don't just talk about couple relationships.
Emotional manipulation in relationships: a matter of power, expectations and
control
A relationship, whether as a couple, friendship or parent-child, should be based on
mutual respect, exchange and trust.
The problem is that sometimes, a component of this relationship assumes
emotional abuse behaviors that become chronic over time giving rise to harmful
consequences: worries, generalized anxiety, fear of abandonment, guilt, feeling of
inadequacy, low self-esteem..., all this can cause it a single wrong relationship.
No manipulator will ever admit being the cause of these ailments, indeed he will
advise those affected to seek treatment without ever questioning themselves. The only way
to defend yourself from the attacks of an emotional manipulator is to keep your distance or
counter manipulate.
The same parent-child relationship often focuses on manipulation and emotional
blackmail because our educational model is based on parental authority and sees the role
of the subordinate child. When family relationships are toxic, there is no clear evolution
and there is a tendency to maintain unhealthy balances; in this way, even as an adult, the
child will always be seen by the parent as “subordinate”. It is really sad to see a child who
has not felt loved where he can go to redeem that love. It is crazy to observe the
dysfunctional mechanisms that can be triggered in a family and it is even more terrifying to
see where some couples who hurt each other in the name of love can go.
Unfortunately, manipulation is sometimes justified or even not recognized. We live
in a critical period where, only today we begin to shed light on couple dynamics and on
what is personal autonomy and emotional manipulation.
In this perspective, I invite you to read my article entitled “The insurmountable
border between ‘taking care’ and ‘controlling’”, you will notice that many of the
relationships you carry out are not based on unconditional love but on expectations, power
and control.
A relationship for two should be born and consolidated without rigid claims,
without recurring patterns and above all be based on the pillars of acceptance and respect.
The fog technique
According to the French psychotherapist Isabelle Nazare-Aga, if it is not possible to

distance oneself from one's emotional manipulator, it is possible to implement a counter
manipulation tactic that the author defines as "fog technique”.
The fog technique consists in using a random, vague and almost inaccurate
communication, so as not to engage in the verbal exchange with the manipulator at all.
The aim is to confuse the manipulator who no longer obtains his nourishment (his
gain starts from the feeling of power he feels in every exchange, which he senses whenever
he triggers feelings of anger or despair in you) will be led to give up socket or move away.
The counter manipulation technique aims to create distance in the bond without
sending too direct signals.
The fog tactic focuses on superficial communication where the victim protects
himself by answering each question in a disenchanted way, as if he was indifferent to the
contents expressed by the manipulator who consequently will no longer feel important and
will lose the feeling of power that in general it is powered by the victim.
The emotional counter manipulation can therefore be described as a one-way
communication where the manipulator sends messages / provocations / criticisms /
accusations and the victim responds without aggression and vehemence, slipping any
manipulative attempt, any accusation or word.
In this way, the interlocutor (the victim) will not take the blows but will put in place
a passive resistance capable of bringing about a spontaneous removal of the manipulator.
Very often the victims of emotional manipulation tend to start an arm wrestle with
the manipulator: nothing more wrong! The clashes, the challenges, the competitions, the
knock-and-answer, are all dynamics that feed the desire of the manipulator. If an arm
wrestling instigates, the fog technique defuses subtly and intelligently.
The fog technique is easier to describe than to implement. In the dialogue with the
manipulator (when this plays the role of a mother or an ex-husband with whom children
are shared) there is a strong emotional load. The interlocutor will have to learn to weigh
each word well and to dose the information given.
Communication with the manipulator, when the interlocutor has no control and
awareness, is nothing more than a labyrinthine path where the manipulator sow’s
confusion and uncertainties. Here, the victim's task is to reverse this scenario and do it on
tiptoe, without being caught with your hands in the bag.
To implement the fog technique successfully, I recommend you:
Give the manipulator as little information as possible about your life by employing
vague communication.
Here is a practical example.
Manipulator: “How did the job interview / appointment go?”
Victim: “I don't know, I don't want to pronounce myself ... this time I want to be
superstitious”.
Mitigate your reactions. Manipulators are famous for seasoning stories or inventing
facts out of the blue. If it gives you sensational news, mitigate your reactions in this regard
and always check the facts without starting in fourth. Here is a practical example.
Manipulator: “Do you know that Sara has a lover?” or “The professors criticized your
child's education.”
Victim: “How strange, I never would have said that.”
Don't flatter yourself too much if he starts complimenting you or makes sudden
manifestations of love, love bombing is a very effective and very dangerous emotional
manipulation technique. Flattery, compliments and those attitudes that make you feel
important, can only mean that the manipulator wants to tighten your grip on you. For all
the information I invite you to read my article on the Love bombing of the emotional
manipulator.
Check your emotions and pay attention to the tone of voice you use, as well as the
looks or the mimicry.
Minimize his accusations without being offended. This is difficult to do. If the
manipulator accuses you of being unfaithful, superficial, stupid ... pretend to be amazed at
his reaction and minimize your critical behavior by truncating the topic soon.
If you are cornered, they suggest you adopt a healthy and protective "no contact".
The no contact creates distances in a less indiscreet way but allows you to recreate and
reorganize your life based on what is really important for your well-being. If he asks you a
vague question, be confused and ask the manipulator to clarify what he means.
If you want to keep up with an emotional manipulator, in addition to the fog
technique there is another thing you can do: work on your self-esteem and your internal
operating core. In practice, recognize your value and work to identify what your goals and
needs are.
Many times, we reach a point when, we become emotional manipulators. Every
time we act / talk in a premeditated way thinking that those close to us understand for
themselves what we need for example.
Nobody is in your head and if you need something you should ask it rather than
throw arrows and hope that the prey will bite your bait, right?
By doing so you are literally trying to manipulate the will of others, you are trying to
install a sort of sense of guilt that in theory should be able to make the interlocutor act
according to your plans.
But it doesn't work that way. Or at least, it doesn't work if you're trying to build
healthy, genuine and profitable relationships for both parties.
But in this chapter, we will not only talk about the simple emotional manipulation
that can take place behind home walls, at work or among acquaintances. Today we are also
talking about emotional manipulation from the stage, the manipulation of those who intend
to sell you something to solve your apparent problem.
We will talk about all those who earn money by speculating on the naivety and
suffering of people.
This manipulation is not very different from the first one. In both cases one of the
parties claims control. When you understand how one works, you also understand the
other.
The first thing that an emotional manipulator invites you to do is dig into your past
to bring out the unsolved in your life. Because for him it is obvious, you have a problem and
it is certain that you have something unsolved. Always!
This is the first move that the wolf, in question is called to make.
And the wolf is right about one thing: each of us, if he delves into the past, is capable
of finding some stains to clean. But the question is: are we sure we want to entrust this task
to him?
What if we hire ourselves to do it?
Basically: be careful to show your injuries because blood attracts sharks. I'm not
saying don't open up to others, this isn't.
But don't do it with anyone. Are you able to recognize those who want to exploit
your pain for their benefit from those who feel the sincere need to be close to you?!?
If you rely on the outside for your redemption, you are creating dependence. In
short, a psychologist, a coach, a serious trainer, would make you face the problem in the
opposite way.
It would make you walk towards yourself to seek and find resources.
The world is full of those who want to help you in exchange for money, isn't it? But it
is one thing to purge the plumber's sink, one thing is to entrust the purge of our soul to
those who then want to control it.
If you meet the Buddha on the street, kill him! The truth we are looking for is
enclosed in this sentence.
You have fewer resources than others, you have no problems other than others
have.
You are a human being, special as such, and if you surrender control of your
purification to the outside, to religion, to the wolf or to anyone, you are getting yourself into
a dead-end cell.
Buddha is the Sanskrit word that stands for what you call conscious, miraculously
aware. Responding, perceiving, arching eyebrows, blinking, moving hands and feet, all this
is your miraculously aware nature.
And this nature is the mind.
And the mind is the Buddha.
And the Buddha is the way. And the way is Zen
... and I would also add: when you cling to the outside you are unaware, incapable of
controlling your emotions and willing to do anything to follow the man or woman you have
redefined as a temporary Messiah.
Basically: a potted person who has forgotten that all that glitters are not gold, and
that real gold already carries it in you, and you don't need anyone to sell it to you!
Around my mom is said help yourself that God helps you. Nobody will come to save
you if you do not save yourself ... but many will come to ask you for money in exchange for
purifying services.
I am not saying that it is bad to take courses oriented towards our personal and
spiritual growth. I am only saying that a Master, the one who teaches with the heart in his
hand, does not create dependence between you and him.
There is no hierarchy. The true Master does not put himself behind the chair. He
directly sets her chair on fire!
A Master does not create followers, followers, invaded. Create other Masters.
Teaching means reminding others of something they know as well as you do.
We are all students, practitioners and teachers. Consequently, learning only means
finding out what you already know.
Nobody is essential apart you – Nesli.
And this is the most used strategy to make weak minds fall into the emotional trap:
what the eye sees, and the ear hears, the mind believes.
It is an illusionist game. A wolf does not need to tell you anything because he knows
it will have no effect on you. Rather, it will show you details in a seemingly random but
random way they have nothing.
The unconscious mind is always alert, and the wolf knows it well.
For example: emotional manipulation by exploiting sacred images is widespread
and I am sure I will not tell you anything new about this.
Since we were young, we have been unconsciously indoctrinated to be afraid and
respect towards some figures of a certain thickness.
And here are saints, crucifixes, fake relics and sacred representations, if used
properly, manage to recall from our unconscious sensations of reverence and trust.
Spiritual Masters grow like mushrooms in this millennium, but the reality is that the
only Master remains Love ... and Love has no tariffs and does not issue receipts.
Love gives freely, it does not ask. Therefore, do not believe those who in defense of
Love and for Love want to draw from your pockets or exploit your resources.
He killed them with their love.
This is how it goes every day, in every part of the world.
Emotional manipulation manifests itself in those relationships where emotional
involvement is obviously expected, such as romantic relationships, work relationships,
friendships and family ties. The bartender you meet by chance at the motorway service
station can never emotionally manipulate you, and vice versa you cannot do it yourself. You
don't know each other, and no emotional bond binds you.
Emotional manipulation occurs when one party tries to gain control over the
relationship and wants the other to confirm the veracity of his view. The other submits to
this game, then feeds this addiction out of fear of contradicting the manipulator, out of fear
of being wrong, out of fear that the relationship between them may crack or break. And this
is true both if we are talking about home emotional manipulation, and if we are talking
about emotional manipulation from the stage.
The victim of the manipulator accepts the vision that is imposed on her despite
knowing that it does not correspond to the reality of the facts. The hatchet out of fear,
because he wants to avoid discussing, because it fears the consequences of a quarrel,
because they cannot stand the other's disapproval, because he is afraid of being abandoned,
doubts of its opinion and if the same, so it has a low self-esteem. And, in the specific case of
the aforementioned wolf, the victim agrees to be manipulated because he does not want to
give up the idealized image that has become of the other. It would be an unbearable defeat,
especially if this idealization had revealed it to others too. She can't accept the fact that
she's been duped!
There are two things to do if we find ourselves in a situation like this:

1. Understand and accept that the relationship you are experiencing is
not healthy at all.
2. Understanding and accepting that if this relationship has evolved is
our responsibility, we have a self-esteem problem or suffer from emotional
dependence
Once these two things have been clarified within us, we are ready to give a boost to
the insane relationship: we either adjust it or break it. Whatever happens, we don't care
because the only thing that matters now is our well-being. It seems absurd but there are
people who are afraid of being well, right?
Once we are aware that we are the victim of emotional manipulation and we take
on our responsibilities, we have only one question to ask ourselves in order to solve it and
win it out:
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT FOR MY LIFE?
Once you have found the answer to this question, you just have to be honest with
yourself. At any moment you are allowing or not allowing your freedom to express itself.
Can you visualize your life in a week? In a month? In a year? What relationships do
you want in your image of tomorrow? What relationships will you want to live with others?
Will you be the one to lead your life or will someone decide what you should do, be or
have? With your mind you have the power to create the relationships you desire.
Inner freedom is your only goal and between you and Love there must be no
intermediaries. You don't need Masters who teach you who you are, who tell you who and
how to be. You are the Master. Break off relationships that don't make you believe this, feed
relationships that enhance your light.
Hypnosis techniques
It is related to voodoo rituals but has nothing "demonic" about it. It seems halfway
between magic and science, but it is a much less mysterious phenomenon than we think.
Because is an alteration of consciousness that happens to us every day when we are
absorbed.
A maneuver carried out with mysterious artifices to manipulate the will of others ...
A method to investigate a person's unconscious and understand its secrets ... A technique
capable of miraculously curing all sorts of diseases ...
In one way or another, there is widespread belief that hypnosis is a kind of magic.
Applied to the phenomena of possession, to the voodoo and shamanic rituals (with which it
is actually related), hypnosis is often relegated, with diffidence, among the "pseudo
sciences".
Natural Phenomenon. Yet this practice has nothing strange or disturbing. In reality
it is a normal experience that we face every day. For example, when we watch a movie or
read an exciting novel, when we listen to a conference that involves us or a music that
fascinates us, or when we dream with our eyes open. Whenever we are focused, absorbed,
enraptured, enchanted by something that catalyzes our attention to the point where they
ignore what happens to us around and to lose the sense of time, we are, in fact,
"hypnotized".
The effects of hypnosis are seen in the brain
That is to say that we are in a state of alteration of perceptions and consciousness. A
condition that has its own utility: it allows us to mobilize and make usable resources that
would otherwise be inaccessible, with the result - for example - of improving a
performance or facilitating the restoration of balance and well-being.
Some concrete examples: there are artists who enter this state to produce their
works, and actors (especially if they practice the famous "Stanislavskij method") who use it
to identify themselves with a character or to involve spectators more. So, what does
hypnosis have to do with magic?
A "spectacular" debut. A hypnosis gives an aura of mystery was, already from the
start, what is considered his "discoverer": Franz Anton Mesmer, a controversial figure who
lived between the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. Influenced by the discoveries of his
time (in particular electricity and magnetism, that is, invisible forces acting on bodies),
Mesmer theorized the presence of a vital fluid in all living beings, baptizing it "animal
magnetism" in analogy with the invisible force that attracts two magnetized objects.
During his experiments, Mesmer resorted to complicated rituals (from the
application of magnets on the various parts of the body to the laying on of hands to radiate
beneficial energy), managing to provoke states of "artificial sleepwalking" as well as
convulsions in some people, temporary fainting and paralysis. At other times the
"mesmerized" spoke and answered his questions, only to completely forget what had
happened. In short, these were often spectacular effects, which earned him a certain fame
in the noble and upper-bourgeois circles of the late eighteenth century. Hypnosis of the
early years was therefore very different from the "modern": direct, authoritarian and facing
suggestible people (who came for the more used to "doing the show").
PRETEND, OTHERWISE RUINS ALL! It is from this kind of experience that the so-
called "stage hypnosis" originated, a form of entertainment that has enjoyed moderate
success.
Usually it happens like this: the hypnotist invites a volunteer into the audience,
looks him straight in the eye, speaking in a monotonous and repetitive way, until the
unfortunate person lowers his eyelids and falls into a trance. At that point, the subject
seems to be at the mercy of the hypnotist's commands (often absurd or embarrassing). In
reality, the people involved in these performances are accomplices of the hypnotist or
spectators who are playing. In fact, by choosing at random from the public, the hypnotist
would run the risk of failing, because very suggestible people are rare.
"When I say I ..." Giucas Casella during a performance. The so-called "stage
hypnosis" almost always makes use of accomplices or complacent conductors. |
It could also be denounced for abusive exercise of the medical profession: in Italy
hypnosis is allowed only to doctors and psychologists, because if practiced outside a
controlled context on certain subjects (precisely the most suggestible!). It can have
psychopathological consequences.
Crimes and offenses.
Another myth to dispel is "robbery hypnosis". According to experts, those episodes
that periodically occupy the newspapers and in which ambiguous characters (usually
Indian or Arab) hypnotize people to rob them are nothing more than urban legends. It is
not possible, in fact, to send a person into a trance without his consent. In cases of this type,
more than hypnosis one should speak of a skillful manipulation, for example through the
"confusion technique" (see box in the previous pages). The victims often do not understand
that they have been deceived, so they prefer (unconsciously or not) to believe that they
have been hypnotized. Equally impossible are crimes committed under the influence of
hypnotic commands, as sometimes seen in the cinema. In fact, a person cannot be forced to
behave contrary to his moral principles, let alone commit crimes.
The pendulum is one of the tools used for hypnotic induction: by directing attention
to an annoying task for the eyes, the resistance to abandoning oneself is eased.
Remaining in the legal sphere, it is also to dispel the belief that hypnosis can allow to
recall forgotten events ... useful events, for example, to reconstruct the scenario of a crime
or to formulate accusations against someone. The phenomenon of “hypermnesia”, the
strengthening of memories (even this much exploited in the cinema), is actually
controversial.
An association, the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, has even sprung up in the
US to defend the victims of false memories (usually alleged rapists). It is not said, in fact,
that what is recalled under hypnosis corresponds to real events, because memories are
always spoiled by the imagination.
An individual, without being aware of it, can insert only imagined scenes, and be
convinced of having really lived them. This also explains the "past life regressions"
obtained under hypnosis: they would be nothing more than immersions in suggestive
fantasies.
Cleared the field of myths, legends and improper uses, what remains?
It remains a less theatrical and more respectful instrument of the individual: the so-
called "new hypnosis", introduced in the last century by the Californian psychiatrist Milton
Erickson, which gave rise to the most accredited guidelines of psychotherapy existing
today.
Theoretical bases.
The goal of hypnosis is to access the individual unconscious, to "place" in which
collects the experiences and information obtained in the course of life (of which we often
have no awareness). The unconscious is conventionally located by scholars in the right
hemisphere of the brain. It is believed, in fact, that the left hemisphere is the seat of the
analytical, logical and rational abilities, those which are dominant in waking conditions.
The right hemisphere, active especially during sleep, is instead the seat of creativity,
imagination and intuition, and gives an overview.
During hypnosis, the therapist speaks to this right side, which is presumed to be
directly connected to the limbic-hypothalamic system, the bridge of communication
between the mind and the body: the hypothalamus is in fact connected to the pituitary,
which can convert nerve impulses in hormonal messages. Therefore, hypnosis can
"encourage" the self-healing mechanisms that each of us has, and also give access to
resources that we are not aware of. "It is very important," said Erickson, "that people know
that their unconscious is much more intelligent than they are."
Hypnosis is not a difficult operation if the subject collaborates. The first step is to
encourage a detachment from reality.
The hypnotist, with a monotonous voice and repeating words and concepts several
times, invites the person to relax and focus attention on an object (once it could have been
the pendulum, today it is often a part of the body: “Your arm becomes more and more
heavier ‘or’ more and more hot“).
This measure helps the person to isolate himself from the external reality and to
turn his attention inwards until he experiences a sense of detachment from the body and a
deep impression of peace (one feels “lulled into emptiness”).
At this point the hypnotized potentially becomes anything. The concept of time
vanishes and the hypnotist himself loses his identity, becoming only a voice (Erickson’s
famous phrase: “My voice will accompany you ...”).
Join trance.
Through hypnosis the “trance” is induced, a particular condition between sleep and
wakefulness recognizable by some signals. The person is usually motionless, sitting or lying
down. Breathing is loose, as is heart rate. The eyes are closed or narrowed; if they are open,
they are almost free of blinking (e.g. of the eyelid closing reflex).
The voice has a different tone, the speech is slowed down. Swallowing is rare. The
response to external (even painful) stimuli is reduced. The search for trance is typical of
many cultures: some come to us with the repetition of a few words (the Tibetan monks),
others with monotonous and regular rhythms (African tribal dances but also western
discos).
Therapeutic intervention.
Once induced trance, the hypnotist has before him a person no longer imprisoned in
rigid patterns of reality and accepts therefore outside messages without the usual process
of analysis and criticism. In this phase the hypnotist can offer the patient useful suggestions
(for example "on an airplane you will be relaxed," or "cigarettes will from now on have a
bad taste"). There are no standard techniques or scripts to act: Erickson himself invited his
students to give vent to their imagination, being inspired by the subject. Can everyone be
hypnotized? In theory, yes, but some people are known to be particularly refractory: in
general, those who exercise continuous control over themselves (in other words, those
who struggle to "let go"), those who voluntarily oppose or those who pose unconsciously of
the "resistances".
Hypnosis without trance.
To get around "rational" resistances, trance is not strictly necessary. Hypnosis
without trance is a persuasive language that goes beyond logical-critical abilities.
This communication mode is also called "right hemisphere language" and makes
extensive use of images, metaphors, aphorisms, word games, ironic lines and positive
linguistic forms (for the right hemisphere there is no negation: the message “not being
afraid” has the opposite effect; much better “you can have courage“). These same
communication strategies are also used by good speakers and skilled salespeople.
Hypnosis: It is a procedure in which the patient experiences changes in sensations,
perceptions, thoughts and behavior. Everything begins with an induction procedure among
the many available. This initial phase includes suggestions for relaxation, well-being and
calm.
Hypnosis
Hypnosis is a psychological phenomenon whose history goes back to that of the
human species. Primitive men already used it in the practice of religious and medical rites
to increase faith in mysticism and magic. The peculiar characteristics of this psychological
manifestation have surrounded it with an aura of supernaturality and unreality.
Hypnotic psychotherapy, however, is not only a mere administration of suggestions,
but a real re-education of the patient's adaptation to life and to the integration of his
personality in it.
Regressive hypnosis
Regressive hypnosis is an experimental technique that allows you to research the

causes of current conflicts in the remote world of dreams and trance. In regressive
hypnosis, the patient is given the opportunity to go back in time by recovering contents
similar to previous existences, in which he can search for the symbolic roots of his current
conflicts. Not all people can take advantage of regressive hypnosis, as about 20% of
patients are not suitable.
The goal of regressive hypnosis is to resolve conflicts and discomforts and recover
biological and spiritual resources that allow the subject to evolve. Using this technique
within a psychotherapeutic path it is possible to treat anxiety, panic, depression, eating
disorders and obsessions.
However, patients suffering from an acute major depression, psychoses, minors,
pregnant women and those who use anticonvulsant drugs cannot be treated.
Psychotherapy with the help of regressive hypnosis involves a profound
psychological and spiritual commitment for the patient and for the therapist, in fact the
meetings tend to be fortnightly. As far as duration is concerned, psychotherapy with
regressive hypnosis lasts for about ten meetings.
Erickson hypnosis
According to Milton Hyland Erickson, the famous psychiatrist founder of modern or

Ericksonian hypnosis, hypnosis is a natural condition that occurs spontaneously in the
different moments of everyday life. By being interested in naturalistic methods Erickson
came to use hypnosis in a creative way, that is, no longer through standard rituals, but
through a particular communicative style associated with a "relational communicative
situation".
The hypnotic process of Ericksonian hypnosis has been schematized by the author
himself in three phases:
1. The preparation.
Knowledge phase between the patient and the therapist. The main objective is the
formation of a solid relationship between the two, which is based on trust, mutual respect
and understanding. In this first phase the therapist collects information related to the
patient's experiences and knowledge, the mental structures of reference and the belief
systems are investigated. The expectation that the patient has regarding the resolution of
the problem is fundamental, in fact positive expectations lead to an easier suspension and
modification of the reference structures that force him to a self-limiting situation.
2. The therapeutic trance.

Period in which the patient's patterns are temporarily altered with the aim of
increasing his receptivity to other models of mental functioning that contribute to the
resolution of problems. The main physiological indicators that signal the state of trance are
catalepsy, body immobility, changed voice quality, closing of the eyes, relaxed facial
features, lack or delay of reflexes, slowed respiratory and heart rate and others. In this
regard, Erickson identifies a trance induction paradigm consisting of five stages:
➢ Attention fixation.
➢ Depotentiation of the usual reference schemes and beliefs.
➢ Unconscious search.
➢ Unconscious process.
➢ Hypnotic response.
3. Evaluation and ratification of the therapeutic change obtained.
It is the moment when the therapist communicates to the patient what are the
alterations of the sensory and perceptual functioning. The patient becomes so aware of the
changes that hypnosis has reported in relation to his person.
Recognizing the value of hypnosis is necessary to prevent old behaviors or thought
patterns from invalidating the progress made.
Hypnosis techniques
To induce hypnosis, it is necessary that the psychotherapist know and be able to

choose among the various techniques the one most suited to the needs of his patient. Each
person has his own mental functioning, so the specialist, aware and endowed with his own
knowledge, will look for the best and personalized way to induce the hypnotic state to the
person in front of him.
To induce a hypnotic state, it is necessary first to explain to the patient what awaits
him, dispelling any prejudices or fears. In this way the patient will be able to approach this
psychotherapeutic technique with greater freedom of thought and trust towards the
therapist. He will feel at ease and whoever hypnotizes him will know how to transmit great
confidence in his ability to enter a trance. It will be necessary to maintain the state of
trance until the work is finished.
The different hypnosis techniques available to therapists are chosen according to
the nature of the problem and the hypnotic capacity of the subject. A good hypnotist stands
out because he is able to exploit the characteristics of the person in front of him, which is
why it is very important to know a large number of hypnosis techniques. The main
techniques of hypnosis are:
➢ Metaphorical hypnosis.
➢ Fast Phobias Technique.
➢ Suggestions.
➢ Visualization.
➢ Regression.
➢ Progression.
➢ Affect bridge.
➢ Restructuring.
➢ Anchoring.
Self-hypnosis
Self-hypnosis is nothing more than a form of self-induced hypnosis. Self-hypnosis

techniques are all based on a single concept, that is, concentration on a single idea, word or
image.
In fact, Dr. Herbert Benson, in his book "Relaxation Response", underlines how the
state of relaxation based on concentration on a single idea induces very easily to a self-
induced state of trance. Also, for self-hypnosis there are different induction techniques,
among these the simplest and at the same time used is precisely that of Benson.
This method involves 7 steps:
➢ Choose the object of concentration;
➢ Sitting with your eyes closed in a quiet place;
➢ Relax the muscles and focus on the breath;
➢ Think silently about the initially chosen object;
➢ Continue like this for 10/20 minutes;
➢ If the meditation object is lost, return the thought to it;
➢ Once the set time has elapsed, open your eyes again.
As previously stated, hypnotic psychotherapy is not a mere administration of

suggestions, but a real re-education of the patient's adaptation to life and the integration of
his personality in it. For a long time and still today there are many prejudices related to
hypnosis and the psychotherapy that uses it, but fortunately scientific research is shedding
light on the qualities of this technique and is documenting its scientific results. Attention, to
have therefore a positive vision it must be clear that hypnotic psychotherapy is not a mere
administration of suggestions, but a real re-education of the patient's adaptation to life and
the integration of his personality in it.
The areas of application of hypnotic psychotherapy are numerous, among which the
main ones are:
➢ The psychological area: anxiety, mood and depression disorders,
eating disorders, sexual disorders, tics, stuttering, chronic pain, addictions (play,
smoking, alcohol, etc.).
➢ The medical field: cardiovascular, dermatology, asthma, disorders of
the urogenital system and digestive tract, palliative care and pain therapy.
➢ The area of personal creativity: stimulating and giving greater
freedom to vent personal creativity, such as in ipnosipedia or in sport, to improve
physical abilities in athletic performance.
How many times in fifteen years of clinical and psychotherapeutic work have I
heard myself ask this question: What is hypnosis and how does it work?
Hypnosis was the first therapeutic technique that I learned and, over time, year
after year, it has continued to surprise me for the infinite ways of healing it can open.
Contact with the imaginary, which also finds a solid neuroscientific reference, is in
fact one of the royal ways of access to the unconscious, where the numinous beginning that
Jung has shown us lies and the doors of the timeless that heals us open.
Yet the mystery of hypnosis is as simple as the act of closing the eyes that a child
makes when he plays and imagines, it is as natural as the deepest functioning of our brain.
Hypnosis is a physiological state, which we enter, even without realizing it every
day, several times a day.
When we are absorbed in watching a movie or we are immersed in our thoughts so
much that we no longer notice anything that happens around us, when we are in love and
we seem to be walking one meter above the ground, we are in hypnosis.
Thus, the expectations of a mysterious act, of something that, overcoming our
rational barriers, allows us to solve any type of problem such as the desire for magic, meet
the simplicity of a physiological transition to a brain functioning other than waking, all-
natural entry into a state of consciousness that cures.
Current neurophysiological research is investing many resources in the study and
application of hypnosis: after more than a century and a half of history, thus, hypnosis has
found in the neuroscientific data relating to neuroplasticity, objective bases of efficacy and
applicability also in medicine, now replicated by hundreds of studies.
The word hypnosis derives from the Greek Hypnos, sleep, but more than with sleep,
hypnosis has to do with the relaxation of the mind and body associated with a certain type
of brain wave, alpha and theta.
Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness characterized by focused attention and
high suggestibility that allows messages to reach the unconscious mind with greater ease.
This pro-change condition can be used to overcome habits, increase self-esteem or improve
aspects of us that we believe are harmful or unwanted.
When we are in hypnosis phenomena may occur during the normal waking are not
possible because during the so-called trance of the subconscious mind resources become a
real mental reprogramming.
How does hypnosis work?
To understand how hypnosis works it is important to have a clear distinction
between conscious and unconscious mind.
The conscious mind manages to retain a limited amount of information, serves to
analyze and solve problems, helps to make decisions and exercise the power of the will.
The unconscious mind, on the other hand, can be compared to a huge database in
which memories and emotions are stored permanently. Unlike the conscious mind, the
information capacity it can process per second is very high.
It is now known that it is the unconscious mind that controls all bodily functions:
respiration, heartbeat, blink of the eyes, immune system, muscle, etc. Accessing the
unconscious part and communicating with it in the most appropriate way means having
access to the internal autonomous programmer responsible for mental, behavioral and
emotional patterns as well as the physiological state of our body.
This unconscious mind is more powerful than the rational part. The unconscious, if
we may say so, always has the last word on everything.
If with our conscious part we want to lose weight or get rich or quit smoking, but
our unconscious is not going in that direction or aligned with that goal, it won't follow us.
These are just a few examples that show how our unconscious decides on all aspects
of our life. Therefore, it is essential to know how to communicate correctly with the
unconscious.
To access and interact with the unconscious mind it is necessary to cross the so-
called critical threshold, which we can imagine as the door between the two minds,
conscious and unconscious.
This critical threshold represents a determining factor in the activation of the
resources of the unconscious mind, because it has the power to accept or reject new
information.
Usually the critical threshold is like a barrier that tends to reject messages that
contrast with the old "programming" and this is the reason why many attempts at change
supported by willpower alone do not work.
It is here that hypnosis can play a fundamental role because during the so-called
trance the critical threshold is temporarily bypassed, and it is therefore possible to
communicate to the unconscious mind the most appropriate messages to favor the desired
changes.
Medical applications of hypnosis are increasingly growing: use of hypnosis in the
treatment of chronic pain, in cancer treatment, in substitution of anesthesia during surgery,
childbirth or during dental treatments.
This is not magic; it is simply the effect obtained through the use of the resources of
the subconscious or unconscious mind and through the activation of the body's self-healing
power.
The good news is that hypnosis can be learned and experienced even in the inner
space of one's uniqueness. This is how we can practice self-hypnosis.
As in induced hypnosis, in fact, even though self-hypnosis, it is possible to reach a
particular state of consciousness, the trance, through which, by self-imparting ad hoc
suggestions, one acts on one's unconscious in a more direct and effective way.
Self-hypnosis is nothing more than a procedure in which guided by specific tracks
and when we become experts only from our own imagination, we enter into a trance, we
communicate with our unconscious, we can give it precise instructions and finally we get
out of the trance.
Self-hypnosis allows you to make the most of the innate abilities of our brain, to
finally use not only the 5-7% that we usually use of it, but the much greater potential that it
contains globally.
Our mind is able to do extraordinary things and thanks to self-hypnosis it is possible
to exploit its abilities in an optimal and ever-increasing way.
We can say that in this way we can achieve things that we never thought we would
achieve. And this happens for the activation of the unconscious power which finally works
in the same direction as our consciousness.
Hypnotizing is easy, and those who say otherwise don't know hypnosis. To
hypnotize you don't need any particular ability, no power or magical attribute. The only
quality required is the desire to learn basic techniques and above all to try them many
times, on different people, until you are absolutely confident. The trust in if same and a
great passion, are the essential requirements to get into the game and begin to hypnotize.
The study, practice and experience will train and consolidate hypnotic techniques and the
approach with the client over time.
Hypnosis can be done anywhere, at home, in a studio, outdoors, in the confusion of a
pub, on the street. Hypnotizing does not require any particular tool, only the use of the
voice. Hypnosis can also be done for fun, and the street or a pub are the places of choice for
hypnosis of this type.
In the tranquility of a study, hypnosis will have other purposes, and will be destined
to change the behaviors or beliefs that you no longer wish to have, or to regression to
probe some aspect of the personality influenced by an event from the past.
In these cases, hypnosis is aimed at an important goal of change, but the techniques
for hypnotizing the client can be the same as those used in another context.
During the years I have practiced hypnosis, I have found that the number of people
who find this discipline fascinating is very large, so you can always find people willing to
experience what it feels like to be hypnotized. There are also many who would like to start
hypnotizing, but do not find a meeting point in which to experience.
Hypnotize
Hypnotizing is simple, but it's not always safe. There are a number of people with
mental disorders who are better off not hypnotizing, so if you want to try these techniques,
you need to know that there is a possibility that you will not know how to recognize one of
these people, and that not even the person in question knows to have certain problems.
There is also the possibility that the person in hypnosis, even during a simple
progressive relaxation, touches some sensitive point, hidden in depth, and exposed by
hypnosis.
Although these cases are rare, they can happen, so my advice is to have an expert
person guide you at least in the first steps. You will face the various situations with more
peace of mind, any errors in the application of hypnotic techniques will be corrected
immediately and will not become defects.
In any case, a very simple hypnotic relaxation technique, to be used to begin

hypnotizing, is the one I propose below. It can last from twenty to forty minutes, depending
on your desire to speak and how the person you are hypnotizing responds to suggestions.
Some people struggle a lot even with this simple exercise, so it takes a little longer to bring
them into a state of pleasant hypnosis.
Begin to hypnotize as if you were conversing, in a very pleasant way, simply
suggesting that the person relax. What you say has relative importance, it can be a phrase
like “Well, how about if you relax completely now, from the tip of your head to the tip of
your feet?”. The induction starts from here, from now on we must carefully observe the
reactions of the subject and use them to amplify his reactions.
When you see that the person begins to relax, continue by concentrating on his
breathing. Just tell her to focus on the breath, to feel like the air score in the lungs and
suggest that she not think about "Nothing but the breath".
Observe it to see its reactions, observe the progress of the breath and go to its
rhythm, as soon as you see a slowdown suggest an amplification of this slowdown with a
brief suggestion "Well, the breath is always slower, regular, deep".
Point out to the person that you are hypnotizing something about him. If he is sitting
with his eyes closed say "and while you sit there with your eyes closed and breathe slowly
and have your hands completely abandoned on your legs, you continued to relax more and
more deeply, from the tip of your head to the tip of your feet".
If the person has not yet closed their eyes, suggest that they do so "and when you
close your eyes you will relax even more deeply", or "close your eyes, otherwise they will
remain open" (fantastic suggestion and highly effective, if given at the right time).
Go ahead and suggest that the person relax even more with each breath he or she
takes, "and the noises you hear around the room relax you more and more," and the sound
of my voice relaxes you more and more regardless of what it says ".
Suggest closing the eyes " and your eyelids are so relaxed that you can't open them,
the more you try to open them, the more they remain closed".
At this point you can deepen the state of relaxation, and you can do it simply by
counting "and now I am going to count from twenty to one very slowly, and with each
number I say you relax twice the previous time".
After the count you can begin to give some suggestions, closing the cycle of
suggestions with a post-hypnotic suggestion like this "and the next time we do hypnosis
together, it will be ten times easier and ten times deeper". You can also use the
visualizations to describe a pleasant scenario, which you know will be appreciated by the
person in hypnosis. In this case, avoid describing sea scenes to those who hate the sea or
mountains to those who suffer from vertigo, you would get a very unpleasant effect.
Hypnotizing a person requires great respect for him.
Reorientation
Return the person to the waking state by saying that you will count from one to
three, or from one to five, and that on reaching three or five, the person in question will
open his or her eyes "fully awake".
This type of hypnosis works very well to make those who have trouble falling asleep
sleep, and if you do it with this purpose, suggest that "this night you will sleep peacefully all
night having wonderful dreams" and if the person is already relaxed and there now it is
suitable, you can simply say "and when I say five you will fall asleep in a beneficial and
deep sleep that will last without interruption all night and from which you will wake up in
the morning completely rested".
Make sure that the person you hypnotize in this way is sitting on an armchair or
chair with armrests or lying down.
Considerations
The variability of the answers provided by people during hypnosis is remarkable, so
hypnotizing is never the same thing as the previous time. Many people will go into
hypnosis in less than a minute if you do the right things.
With these people hypnosis is simple, an elementary fact.
With other people, however, you will have to insist more, because they are too
nervous or too afraid of hypnosis to let themselves go completely. Sometimes you need to
insist more than one session to get an acceptable result.
Insisting is always the rule, you don't have to give up the first time a person doesn't
get hypnotized.
Some rules
The hypnotist, regardless of the technique used, must rely solely on the answers
provided by the subject, which dictate the time of induction. Hypnotizing is not just action,
but above all observation. Noticing the appearance of trance marks is critical to being able
to amplify them during induction, and sometimes these marks only appear for brief
moments. Among the signs that can be easily recognized during an induction, there are
slowing of the breath, eyelid fluttering, fixity of the figure, relaxation of the neck muscles,
light muscle movements of the fingers, or other involuntary signals. Other signs of trance,
such as warming of the epidermis, cannot be perceived by sight, but are easily detectable
by touch.
The presence of trance signals is not always perceived in the same way by the
person in trance. In some cases, the person does not believe he has been in hypnosis,
simply because he has remained conscious, while his expectation was to lose consciousness
of himself. In these cases, some effort can be made to convince the customer of the
contrary, and often help is given by the results that appear after the session. A quick change
in habits or a physiological response is the best persuader in this case.
When the subject has his eyes closed and shows no visible sign of hypnosis, it is not
said that it is not. For this reason, the state of trance must always be tested. However, there
are also people who are apparently unresponsive, even to hypnotic tests, who despite
everything get the desired results. In case of doubt on the subject's responses, it is better to
continue hypnotizing and ending the entire hypnotic induction, giving the necessary
suggestions. In this case, the subject's responses to suggestions may surprise you more
than he.
Check for hypnosis
The simplest tests to verify the state of hypnosis are those that concern catalepsy.
The best test is that of closing the eyes, which often turns into eyelid fluttering, that is, a
rapid, almost frenetic, very characteristic blinking of the eyelids.
When doing hypnosis, one must never assume, nor take anything for granted and
above all do not get ideas a priori: the chances of being proved wrong are very high.
If hypnosis doesn't come the first session, the second or third will. Those who want
to do hypnosis must take into account a certain series of missed inductions, which over
time will decrease until they almost disappear.
Hypnotizing is not only a matter of technique, but also of experience, and with
experience the inductions will become shorter and deeper. However, it must be
remembered that:
Everyone can be hypnotized, but nobody can hypnotize everyone.
When a client does not go into a trance, there has been no failure either by the
hypnotic operator or by the client. Sometimes hypnosis is a reaction that does not take off,
regardless of the hypnotist's ability and the good disposition of the subject. In these cases,
one only has to change the approach, choose a different path from the one that has not led
to anywhere.
Sometimes progressive relaxation occurs where Elman's induction has failed.
In any case, never allow a lack of induction to generate insecurity on your skills or
techniques. The hypnotist must have an unlimited and sincere trust in if same and in what
he does. If he pretends, eventually he is discovered.

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Table of Contents

What is Dark Psychology? Discover the dark side of your mind!

Copyright © 2020 Steven Secret. All rights reserved.

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What is Dark Psychology? Discover the dark side of your mind!

Factor D, the dark side of people

A research by the University of Copenhagen identifies a common trait in the darker

Factor D, the study by the University of Copenhagen

Psychological manipulation is not only a psychological process, but it is a

What does psychological manipulation consist of?

Understanding the phenomena of psychological manipulation is particularly

Psychological manipulation occurs through good communication

Psychological manipulation is not only a psychological process, but it is a

The characteristics of those who perform psychological manipulation

The Dark Triad, or dark personality, is a mixture of narcissism, machiavellianism

Dark Triad: the three components

Dark Triad in work and relationships

In the workplace it often happens to observe skilled, rational but extremely

These three dimensions go to configure what is called the "Dark Triad" of

The authors conducted a study of a sample of 245 students by measuring these

How does the Dark Triade show?

· emotional coldness and disinterest

The Dark Triad and depression

The Dark Triad describes the combination of psychopathy, machiavellianism and

The acronym NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming and indicates a

How does it work?

But what exactly is NLP?

NLP it is a psychological method that studies people's behavior, analyses models

Do you want to understand who you are facing in 60 seconds?

Don't believe it? Try it for yourself!

NLP is an attitude ...

NLP is a methodology ...

NLP is a technology ...

But what exactly is Neuro-Linguistic Programming?

Little science, a lot of pseudoscience.

Speaking in perfect way.

Prompt response and firmness.

Take advantage of weaknesses.

Phrases to manipulate people

How to manipulate people: 13 proven strategies that really work!

Strategies to manipulate people

The persuasion. How to handle others

Five more ways to manipulate the mind

5. The illusion of the invisible body.

Thanks to numerous studies it is now possible to recognize many manipulation

2. Association stimulus response

Unconscious mental manipulation

Manipulating a person is an action that can be carried out even unconsciously.

Voluntary mental manipulation

Mental manipulation techniques

How to defend yourself from mental manipulation

1. Keep in mind the methods of emulation.

How to leave a psychopath

And, if it seems appropriate, do not be ashamed to seek the help of an expert. It is a

1. Detect contradictions or inconsistencies between what the other

This episode is a professional scam.

Manipulation as a communication phenomenon

Altered states of consciousness: the myth of hypnosis

FOUR TIPS TO DEFEND YOURSELF FROM HANDLING

Cialdini and the art of persuasion

Robert Cialdini is a psychologist and researcher at the University of Arizona, who

The five secrets of persuasive communication

4. PAY ATTENTION TO BODY LANGUAGE

What are the negative signs of body language to avoid?