THIS IS NOT THE NEWS

The premiere, unsanctioned, neo-alternative, unofficial, non-newspaper for the Clark

community, which is in no way affiliated with Clark University.

Volume 1, Issue 3 T h e S t a tu s Q u o J u st G ot a L it t l e S t a t u s e r September 27, 2005

T h e S c a r l e t R e l e a s e s Wo r s t I s s u e i n H i s t o r y
Reporter Finds 466 Errors in First Issue (This is Not a Joke)
Ryan Kelly — The Scarlet, as Clark’s offi-
cially-sanctioned student newspaper, has a
great responsibility not only in its role of
providing news about the Clark community,
but also as a forum, exhibition, and repre-
sentation of that community. It sits in the
University Center, ready to be picked up by
passers-by, be they friends, visitors, or po-
tential students. The deplorable quality of
this semester’s first issue is not only regret-
table and worrisome, it is an embarrass-
ment.
This point is not being exaggerated. I
casually read The Scarlet, pen in hand, and
found no fewer than 466 grammatical and
typographical errors. I am sure I could
find more. This is not a joke; I will be
happy to produce my marked-up copy to
anyone upon request. All but three or four
of the articles were written at a level of
quality unbecoming of a college student. Local seniors Fardeen Chowdhury (left) and Benjamin Jacobs (right) express moral outrage
The Scarlet is plagued by negligence on over the latest issue of The Scarlet. — Photo Courtesy of Emily Orgabisz
the part of its staff. Not only was there a
gross lack of copy editing, it is hard to be- To The Reader:
lieve that any fact-checking mechanisms are Thanks for checking us out. We’ll be publishing every Friday night from now on. Some of
(See SCARLET, page 3) what we write is true.

I n K a t r i n a ’s A f t e r m a t h , O i l E x e c u t i v e s S h e d Te a r s ( o f J o y )
Troy Hill — Exxon CEO and
Chairman Lee R. Raymond has
been glued to his television
over the past three weeks.
And not because of the
exceptional capabilities of the
local sports team. Raymond,
along with other oil firm
executives, has been intensely
tracking Hurricane Katrina.
When TINTN showed up
at Raymond’s mansion to
speak with him on Monday, he
was surprisingly jovial, in that
bitter, cut-throat, robber-
baron kind of way. “You’ve
seen the news,” he said. “The to repair the oil platforms In This Week’s
devastation from Katrina has wouldn’t be so strained.” Caustic Polemic:
been horrible.” He continued,
But being the top man at Us? Anti- 2
his voice quivering slightly, “a
ExxonMobil, Raymond has the
number of oil rigs and Semitic?
ability to see a gold lining on
platforms just couldn’t make it C’mahn!
any catastrophe. When this
through this one.”
paper spoke with him, he would
Raymond’s concern went Dan Bowhers 3
occasionally have to wipe tears
far beyond oil platforms, examines Hip-
from his plump cheeks. Asked
though. The levees that failed Hop in Bush’s
if his sadness was due to the
to keep water from inundating
suffering and class disparities America
poor residents of New
the country was (almost) forced
Orleans incensed the CEO
to address, he seemed shocked. Gino Sorcinelli 4
since, as he put it, “if those
(See OIL, page 5) Interviews DJ Neil
damn levees hadn’t burst, the
Armstrong
market for cheap labor needed
 Page 2
An Open Letter to David Fialkov
Mr. Fialkov, you were unaware. As such, they warrant the inclusion of
evidence beyond hearsay and misrepresentations. Unfor-
In the rush to write the first edition of The Scar-
tunately, you fail to meet even this basic standard.
let, it seems your piece, Clash of The Student Council Titans,
I expect a published retraction of your statements,
escaped the elementary standards of factual accuracy and
with a written apology and acknowledgement of the er-
basic research that one would typically expect (though the
rors in your article. Though much of my personal writing
Scarlet is renowned for ignoring such superficialities).
is colored with humor and sarcasm, I assure you that on
What is surprising is the extent to which you have man-
this matter I am more than serious.
aged to leave behind all rudimentary journalistic standards.
The nature and timing of your comments demand immedi- Sincerely,
ate response, and though I take issue and offense to much
Troy Hill
of your article, I will focus here on your patently false
statements and attacks on my character.
Firstly, I am unaware that I served as a distributor for
“anti-Semitic propaganda.” Such bold statements, in any First-Years “Seriously Freaked
forum worth respecting, would find themselves accompa-
nied by supporting evidence. You, lacking any such evi- Out” by Ouija Séance
dence, confine yourself to simply repeating your baseless
claim and then moving on to build your case on its flawed
foundation. If you are indeed able to corroborate your What started as a light-hearted game during a Friday-
accusations, I demand that you do so. Your charges, night slumber party in Bullock Hall ended up scaring
though demonstrably the product of your own imagination, participants. “We were seriously freaked out by what
have quite real and serious consequences for me. happened,” slumberee Jill Davis explained. “We asked
Secondly, you say that Chris Caesar is the brainchild the spirits if anyone had ever died in our room, and it
behind the propaganda that I allegedly disseminated. I answered yes. When we asked how the person died, it
gather that you were (1) equating our publication, This Is slowly spelled out ‘brutal murder.’” Everyone partici-
Not The News, with “anti-Semitic propaganda,” and, from pating denied making the planchette move. The only
my experience as one of its co-editors, that you have (2) explanation, they contended, was that supernatural
failed to read our publication or do the investigative work forces were at work. They consulted their resident
your article implies (and so sorely needs). advisor, who confirmed that this was the only way to
If you had read our publication you would have char- explain it.
acterized it, accurately, as political satire, not hateful
propaganda. You would also have noted that a single arti-
cle in the first issue criticizes the Israeli Occupation. The
anti-Semitic sentiments you are so quick to highlight are
found nowhere in our publication; sorry to disappoint.
Another glaring error that could have been quickly
corrected (had you actually read the publication) regards
my purported “promise” to a mysterious “high ranking
Clark staff member” that I would apologize for any offen- Think Top Ten Lists About The
sive material. By your account, I quickly reneged on this
“promise” by issuing “a condescending non-apology in the “Best Ways to Seduce Freshman
[second] issue.”
Two points seem relevant: As there was no material in [sic]” Are Disgusting?
the first issue which warranted an apology, I made no such
“promise.” Secondly, I did not contribute a single article to
the second issue, exposing yet another gaping divide be-
So Do We. Join Us.
tween your writing and reality. How low can your stan-
dards seep, Mr. Fialkov?
thisisnotthenews@gmail.com
Accusations of anti-Semitism are quite serious, in case thisisnotthenews@gmail.com

The Positive By-Product of Blind Allegiance
Bowhers Franklin Daniel — Last fall,
as more and more states were painted
red, all I could do was rationalize that at
least the continued reign of the Bush ad-
ministration would result in more politi-
cally charged hip-hop. Nearly six years
after he initially brought the far right to
the White House, it is fitting to pay trib-
ute to some true heroes of free speech.
Initially, I was struck by the hard-
hitting flows of Talib Kweli. I attribute my
rejuvenated interest in hip-hop to this
Brooklyn emcee. His 2002 LP Quality anni-
hilates any shred of political correctness
in favor of spitting serious truth. In his
track “The Proud,” Talib documents re-
cent acts of terrorism in America without
holding any punches: with lines such as
“the presidents’ a bush/the vice president
a dick/so a whole lot of fucking is/what
you gonna get-they don’t wanna raise the
The Scarlet’s Ground-Breakingly Bad Issue
(Continued) currently in place at The
Scarlet. Quotes were misattributed and
dates incorrectly named. Articles span-
ning more than one page misdirected the
reader by referencing an incorrect page,
causing confusion. In a particularly offen-
sive oversight, an unwitting woman’s pri-
vate phone number was published twice
on page 13 and listed as the number for
both Cinema De Lux at Blackstone Valley
and West Boylston Cinema. (For those
of you interested in actually reaching
these theaters, you can call Cinema De
Lux at 508-853-4000 and West Boylston
Cinema at 508-835-8888.)
The staff of The Scarlet is willing to
publish material not written by any of
them, without even reading it. This cer-
tainly seems to be the case with the full-
page What the Fuchs? “tribute,” which was
recycled from years past and jam-packed
with 83 errors. And it also appears to be
the case in the Clark News Briefs on page
2; the briefs have been copied and pasted
directly from the press releases issued by
the Clark public affairs office. Not only
did they fail to remove information super-
fluous to its intended audience (see the
baby/so the election gets fixed/that’s why
we don’t be fuckin’ with politics.” As he
continues reflecting on American atroci-
ties, Talib paints a picture of how lost
people are in our current political system.
Kweli has continued his crusade with
2004’s The Beautiful Struggle. His brand of
reality rap is noteworthy in a society of
ideological conformity.
Following my rebirth into hip-hop I
found myself surrounded by groups I had
never heard of, including Battle Axe Re-
cords’s own Sweatshop Union. I was par-
ticularly struck by the mix of instruments,
voices, and themes in their music. “US,” a
track from their Natural Progression LP,
strikes out at US military policy. The omi-
nous beat leads to a chorus: “US were
the ones that paid for the bombs/we built
the planes that there on/it’s insane all the
ways we’ve been conned/into killing mil-
bottom of column two, where they give a
description of what Clark University is),
but they did not even write their own
headlines.
The lack of a consistent style, or even
consistent conventions for things like
commas and capitalization, exemplify the
overall carelessness of the editorial staff.
Perhaps most startling is that the paper
lists nine members of this editorial staff. It
is mind-boggling to think that there were
nine people whose eyes allowed this mess
to be published. The Scarlet needs to get
serious about the task it is charged with,
or else abandon the project altogether.
As a Clark student, I am embarrassed
and ashamed to be associated with The
Scarlet. If The Scarlet cannot improve
upon the quality of its first issue, then the
university would be better served without
any newspaper at all.
Ryan Kelly is a Senior Correspondent for
This Is Not the News and a senior at Clark.
He can be reached at rtkelly@gmail.com.
Page 3
lions of people/but it’s all on US.”
What Sweatshop Union offers is a
mixture of political critique as well
as alternatives to our current way
of life. The Union is most at home
rapping about enjoying the simple
things. “Stolen Memories” is a laid
back reflection on the niceties of
life. Emcee Kyprios drops; “def jam
was the label with the skill to test-
and the lady, give me silky sex how
I love making love in the wilder-
ness.” Sweatshop Union reflects
something that the far left is yet to
do: contrast our dystopia to an
imagined utopia.
Unfortunately there are far
too many artists to be mentioned
in this brief article. Emcees includ-
ing, Run DMC, Common, Mos
Def, Dilated Peoples, Akrobatic,
Jedi Mind Tricks, and Kanye West
have continued the art that was in
many ways initiated by the great
Grandmaster Flash. While the le-
gitimacy of this tradition of social
commentary in rap is often com-
promised by catchy club remixes
and rhymes about rims, it is none-
theless a significant means of ex-
pression.
In a world where a simple
independent student newspaper
can cause such a moral outcry, it is
refreshing to see artists really
unleash their angst. The free ex-
change of ideas is a sign of a
healthy democracy. One year after
Bush took office, I am being
warned by so-called Democrats
not to write for This Is Not the
News. As we continue to step fur-
ther from liberty, we are walking
away from one of the core values
that this nation was founded upon.
Now, somehow questioning the
president is un-American? Fuck.
Bowhers Franklin Daniel is one of the
many media personalities of Daniel
William Bowhers. He can be reached
at Dbowhers@clarku.edu

Artist Profile: Neil Armstrong Blame Climate Change,
Gino Sorcinelli — Listening to a Neil Armstrong CD is Not Just Bush, for Tragedy
much like experiencing a sonic collage. He creates CD’s
where The Cranberries, Toto, Bob Marley, and Prince are in
all seamlessly mixed into one another in a way that makes
sense. Neil’s sound is never forced or clichéd, he rear-
ranges all the songs and movie dialogue on his CD’s with
tireless effort and care to make the listener appreciate
them and to give them a fresh feel. The result is one of the
strongest collections of mix CD’s to come out in recent
years. I was lucky enough to catch up with Neil recently to
talk about his new CD, Filthy. It is my honor to bring you
an exclusive interview with the All Out King himself, DJ Neil
Armstrong.
Gino: Your newest CD is called Filthy. Can you explain to
readers why you chose that title, and how it relates to the
music used to create the CD?
DJ Neil Armstrong: Filthy is part of the All Out King
(AOK) series, a series of mix tapes that revolves around
the phrase - "if you specialize in just one thing, you can't
call yourself an all out king." That is a quote from the
movie Style Wars [a documentary on early hip-hop and
graffiti culture in New York City]. Basically, what I was
trying to do is just show that you can spin all different
kinds of good music. Not just hip-hop, not just rock, not
just whatever. All Out King means you spin good music. So
the first All Out King CD was Warmfuzzy, which was all
lovey-dovey and covered a bunch of musical genres. The
second AOK CD was Extraordinary, which was all rock. So
the third CD was supposed to be opposite of the first
two…all hip hop, and all dirty, filthy type hip-hop. The "I
got more guns and techs then you" type of hip-hop. The
bravado, battle, I’m twice as nice type stuff. So the name
Filthy seemed to fit.
Gino: Do you feel that because of your use of non-
traditional music some people and critics have mislabeled
you?
Armstrong: Ha ha, oh yeah.
Gino: Could you elaborate?
Armstrong: Not in a bad way though. I know a lot of
"neo-soul" type folk like me, because of the Sweeet series
[an earlier series of love themed mixes] and Warmfuzzy. I
think I have this reputation for putting out "left field" feel
good music, that hipsters and "forward-thinkers" are into.
People will compare me more to a DJ Z-Trip, Rich Medina,
Bobbito type DJ, as opposed to a Kay Slay or a Clue. But, I
don’t think you can really put me in a "category" at all. I’m
still a battle DJ, I do listen to some commercial music, I
don’t only listen to Lauren Hill and go to poetry readings.
Page 4
New Orleans
Jake Hess — New Orleans used to be a thriving city
known for its lively cultural scene. Last month it be-
came America’s canary in the coal mine of climate
change. Hurricane Katrina was not so much a display of
Mother Nature’s raw power as the awesome destruc-
tive potential of mankind’s blind ignorance. The soggy
horror in the Big Easy is not really a result of a natural
disaster: it’s a predictable manifestation of man-made
climate change, a phenomenon that America has con-
tributed to more than any other nation on earth.
Yet weeks after the catastrophe, America is
having a hard time understanding this. The nation’s
political critics are so busy exposing Washington’s inept
preparation for Katrina that they’ve almost completely
obscured its real source. For years, the world’s most
authoritative scientific bodies, not to mention environ-
mental non-governmental organizations, have said that
global warming will create more destructive weather
patterns. America’s media, including the critical left,
largely ignored their cries. American citizens also
turned the other cheek, choosing instead to carry on
with our disgustingly wasteful, fossil-fuel driven life-
styles. Now the people of the Gulf Coast are paying
the price. (See KATRINA, Page 5)
I’m not one thing or the other. If someone had to say
what kind of music does Neil Armstrong spin, I wish
they just said "good music." I still want to be able to go
to some dank ass college house party, tear the roof
down... and still impress the Stevie Wonder grown and
sexy crowd.
Gino: Ha ha, well said. Could you give our readers a
preview of what CD's they can expect from you in the
future?
Armstrong: Synthetic - which will be all music that is
synthesizer driven, Guilty Pleasures, which will be songs
that you’d be grooving to when nobody is watching.
And the last one, it’s a secret.
Gino: What are the expected dates of release?
Armstrong: I am trying to wrap everything up before
the end of the year, so I guess I better get crackin’.
Gino Sorcinelli doesn’t require an introduction. He is colloqui-
ally known as the illustrious DJ-SORCE 1, and performs every
Saturday night at Moynihan’s Pub on Main Street. He can be
reached at gsorcinelli@clarku.edu

Oil Executives Speak with TINTN in an Exclusive Interview
(Continued) “Sadness? These are
tears of joy!” He went on to point
out that Exxon’s share price had
increased nearly 10% since the Friday
before Katrina hit. Indeed, oil prices
shot up to record highs above $70
per barrel shortly after Katrina
crippled critical refineries and
infrastructure in the Gulf. “The
pinch on the oil market is the best
going-away present I could have
hoped for,” Raymond noted,
referring to his retirement at the end
of the year. “Last year I was
only compensated with $38 million!
Well, $147 million if you include
stock options. But regardless, I aim
to improve on that this year, God
willing.” Right now, Exxon is
expecting to collect revenues of
$10.2 billion for the third quarter,
boosted by Katrina up from $7.64
Hurricane Product of Global Warming
(Continued) That the environmen-
talists have been vindicated in their
predictions is almost beyond dispute.
Man-made global warming has
elevated average ocean temperatures
by one degree over the last half-
century. Meanwhile, the overall inten-
sity of tropical storms has doubled
since the 1970s, according to a recent
study by MIT scientist Kerry Emanuel.
In the Northwest Pacific Ocean, they
are seventy-five percent more power-
ful. Warmer oceans have injected
tropical storms with extra energy,
thus increasing their power. It’s that
simple.
But I’m not the only one who
thinks so. Here’s Dr. Emanuel in the
journal Nature: “the record of net
hurricane power dissipation is highly
correlated with tropical sea surface
t e mp er at ure, ref l e cti ng w e ll -
documented climate signals, includ-
ing…global warming...My results sug-
Chairman Lee R. Raymond , seen here making
an uppity white man face.
billion in the second quarter. When
Raymond talks about his mounting
profits, he’s quick to point out that
it’s not all fun and games. “I mean,
seriously, this could move me into a
gest that future warming may lead to
an upward trend in tropical cyclone
destructive potential.”
Arms of the United States gov-
ernment are making similar analyses.
Shortly after Katrina struck, the Na-
tional Oceanic and Atmospheric Ad-
ministration (NOAA) announced that
as many as twelve more tropical
storms – including four major hurri-
canes - may batter the Atlantic before
the season ends on November 30. If
correct, this would bring the season
tally to twenty-one storms, double the
average. Why the sudden upsurge?
NOAA climatologists are blaming a
warmed Atlantic ocean. “Warmer
ocean temperatures are more likely to
produce stronger, more intense
storms,” NOAA climatologist David
Easterling told the IPS News Service.
The biography of Hurricane
Katrina illustrates the process per-
fectly. When it first arrived in Florida,
Page 5
new tax bracket. Yeah, some poor
people died, but I didn’t! It’s like I
have to pay more taxes just because
I’m not poor and black and dead.”
After requesting that we not reveal
his identity, he added that he was
looking into off-shore accounts to
help avoid paying more taxes.
When asked about his retirement
plans following his 42-year stint with
ExxonMobil, Raymond looked into
the distance, where the sun was
setting. After a short pause, he
responded, “do you think there’s oil
under those hills over there?”
Troy Hill is living testament to the danger
posed by dirty bombs. He is also the
Senior Class Representative. Verbally
assault him at: THill@clarku.edu.
it was a Category 1 storm – low on
the scale used to measure the power
of hurricanes. Only a day after it
reached the warmer Gulf of Mexico,
the storm shot up to Category 5. It
was a Category 4 when it reached
New Orleans.
Still not convinced? Here’s a final
piece of evidence. The UN’s World
Meteorological Organization (WMO)
sounded a famously loud alarm in a
press release two years ago: “Record
extremes in weather and climate
events continue to occur around the
world. Recent scientific assessments
indicate that, as the global tempera-
tures continue to warm due to cli-
mate change, the number and intensity
of extreme events might increase.”
Use of the term “might” may seem to
belie the urgency of this statement;
remember that serious scientists use
measured (See HURRICANE, Page 6)
 Page 6
Clark Students May Have Souls Climate Change and Katrina
Experts Called In (Continued) language as a matter of principle. The
only place you’re likely to find unequivocal statements
Ryan Kelly — In a shocking and unprecedented dis-
on climate science is in industry-funded propaganda
play of social awareness and concern, several Clark stu-
organs like the World Climate Report.
dents constructed an exhibition intended to highlight the
It’s nearly impossible, of course, to conclusively
economic disparities and racial neglect that were revealed
attribute any single instance of extreme weather to
by the devastating effects of the recent Hurricane Katrina.
climate change. But the scientific evidence, briefly sur-
The exhibition, located on the south side of Atwood
veyed above, overwhelmingly suggests that global
Hall facing the Green, spelled the word “RACISM” using
warming will make (and has made) weather patterns
pictures of the battered Gulf Coast. The pictures seem to
more destructive. Over the last century, the Earth
have been printed from an ordinary printer on 8.5”x11”
warmed an average of 1.4 degrees. Some 90% of this
paper.
warming was directly absorbed by the oceans. As we
Many members of the Clark community were shocked
can see, the results have proven ugly. Yet this may be
by the display. Several students and faculty members were
a mere shadow of things to come; an authoritative
confused, as rampant apathy has seemed to be the status
Oxford University study says the earth could be eight-
quo on campus.
een degrees warmer by 2100. It’s absolutely chilling to
“This is truly extraordinary,” Sociology professor Bob
think about what this could mean for our planet.
Ross exclaimed. “I might have expected something like this
At the end of the day, one thing is absolutely
forty years ago, even twenty. But these days? Truly ex-
clear: carrying on like normal is simply not an option.
traordinary.”
Humanity’s addiction to fossil fuels, which cause the
“I have no idea what’s going on,” junior Terry Jenkins
greenhouse effect and warming, is wreaking havoc
complained.
across the world. It’s not an exaggeration to say cli-
Clark sophomores Whitney Tranchemontagne, Ben
mate change could wipe out our and every other spe-
Kunz, and Damian Boyar have claimed responsibility for
cies. The defining task of our generation is to resolve
the demonstration. The students stated their motives in a
the climate crisis, so we may as well get started.
note left at the scene. One part of the note read, “The
goal is not to be critiqued as a piece of art work, but [as] a Jake Hess, 20, is a student activist based in Boston. He
statement on the situation that has happened and [is] still can be reached at jake.hess@verizon.net
happening.”
The note went on, “We hope this piece will create a
campus-wide dialog about the terrible conditions we al-
lowed our fellow citizens to endure in the aftermath of one
of the most devastating disasters the United States has
ever faced.”
The administration called on Carl McMahon, a former
activist and expert in political demonstrations, to decode
the display. “Apparently, these students seem to be con-
cerned about the racial divide in both New Orleans and
the country at large,” McMahon explained to students and
faculty in an email distributed by Dean of Students Denise
Darrigrand.
McMahon continued, “They allude to the slow and
inadequate response of both the federal and local authori-
ties to a mostly black and poor population in need. They
also urge everyone to take note of this inequality and work
towards preventing such an abysmal display in the future.”
Provost David Angel said he and President Bassett are
eagerly waiting to see if this motivates others to take an
interest in the world around them.
Although not explicitly threatened in the note left by
This Is Not The News
the radicals, many consider them able and willing to carry
out such an act again. On Newstands Every Monday
Ryan Kelly can be reached at rtkelly@gmail.com.